Are you going to watch the Dungeons and Dragons movie
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Are you going to watch the Dungeons and Dragons movie
Are you going to watch the Dungeons and Dragons movie
It's All Fucked Shirt $22.14 |
DMT Has Friends For Me Shirt $21.68 |
It's All Fucked Shirt $22.14 |
>Here's your 2022 Blackrock-mandated cast
>SOIII!!!! BLACKROCK!!!! THE BULDERBURG GOUP!!! SOROS!!!! THE ROTHCHILDS!!! BUZZ WORDS!!!
Seethe
I give it a pass in 2008 but if by 2022 you still are not aware have a nice day you worthless israelite golem schlop, you literally serve no purpose (besides to israelites)
corporations good?
>corpo bootlicker
have a nice day
Michelle Rodriguez is cute
i like the druid tho
I want Michelle Rodriguez to play a tsundere half-orc and I want to lick her feet and armpits.
frick off degenerates, jerk off and come back or just don't come back at all
you can tell a movie is/will-be shit if the threads about in onCinemaphile are just morons hornyposting and people shitting on the movie or saying it "looks fun"
>coomer! coomer! coomer! sex appeal is bad! sex is bad! haven't you heard about our lord and savior jesus christ! stop wanking to elves! coomer!
>he thinks posting "this female is attractive and id like to lick her armpits" adds anything to the thread
you loser incels always go crazy over the most generic actresses too
>OMG this gif has a little bit of her flat ass!
>OMG this shirt shows one quarter-inch of booba!
>I-is that a foot/armpit pic of a 50-year-old generic-looking actress?!?!
>I'm gonna COOOM!
this. ACTUAL hot actresses used to get casted before feminists took over too. So you are endorsing all of these fugly average women that get casted in roles they shouldn’t be. I’d expect it from Reddit but not here
Sorry should have said “they are endorsing”
>frick off degenerates
>on Cinemaphile
lol
lmao
rofl even
I see your posts a lot and always imagine that you have down’s syndrome. Am
I correct?
>the black people are the paladin and the sorcerer
Of course they are
>paladin and the sorcerer
Elaborate? I am black and I don’t see the connection bro
>paladin
noble savage
>sorcerer
magic Black
Gay magic Black
there's no way anything that gives me a boner can be blackrock approved
Race: black
Class: Black person
>No wizard or cleric.
They all die before the movie ends.
Bards and druids are as good if not better
Proof?
Is this supposed to be some reverse psychology shilling? What the frick does that cast have to do with Blackrock? Still not watching your garbage, btw.
Never heard of it, and don't really care for D&D in general.
So is Blackrock a metal group? Because that casting sheet looks pretty metal to me. Piqued my interest slightly.
>basic-b***h people play the basic-b***h classes
What's the problem with it?
>diversity checklist casting
Not watching.
>Bridgerton buck left his comfy 19th century pozzedfest to dress like that
It's D&D, it's been racially diverse since forever. Justice smith is the only one who's legit ugly and can't act so I don't know why he keeps getting cast in shit.
Wrong
>Michelle Rodriguez as tough chick™
I'm so fricking tired of this bros. Not just tough chicks in general, but her in specific. She's boring to watch, has flat delivery, is unsexy, and keeps playing the same stupid character over and over
Jews cant be paladins. At least they're using the mischling as a sorcerer.
>womanlet as a barbarian
>light Black paladin
>light Black charisma vaccum as sorcerer
>hero israelite is a bard
fricking yikes
>sir we need a female barbarian character for our Dungeons and Dragons movie
>I know just who to pick
kino
>no barbarian halfling tripping and falling hijinks that ends in romance
One job.
motherfricker what is this image and where can I find more
Is Hugh Grant out of money or something? It's like he is taking every money gig he can
>5 humans
>Here's your D&D bro
Have you heard of Elves? Dwarfs? Gnomes?
Michelle Rodriguez is a half-orc. The Druid is a tiefling with little horns. The sorcerer is an elf.
Dwarves are too hard to do right. Halflings are impossible.
No she's not.
I know.
No he's not.
No.
No.
>halflings are impossible
Main character is white that's all that matters. Black sidekicks are kino
i want to frick the druid
>no cute young white man
Meh
Let me guess: the ginger makes out with with the mulatto?
Also: Chris should be the Paladin and Page the Bard.
Smith the Rogue and Grant the Sorcerer.
The Barbarian could have been Ronda Rousey (if they wanted a woman so much)
Honestly not bad except for Justice Smith, fricking tired of that guy.
>Sorcerer casts Basketball
>Black Paladin
Is this Diablo 2?
Blizzard games aren't going to sell themselves.
>female barbarian
homosexual
it's a fantasy world anon, it's ok for women to be barbarians plus it's hot as frick
no vin diesel?
wtf
Frick that guy. He plays the same fricking character in every fricking movie.
I thought Cinemaphile said Sophia's acting career is dead
Where's the wheelchair warrior?
>they enter an alchemist's shop
>merchant's a rakish rogue
>see he's in a wheelchair
>they exchange witty banter
>"I used to be an adventurer too, before..."
>later
>protagonists are in a fight they're gonna lose
>all hope is lost
>but then...
>they hear...
>the squeaking wooden wheels...!
the 2000 dungeons and dragons movie had just as much diversity
I want Michelle Rodriguez to peg me savagely while choking me and screaming PUTA in my ear.
homosexual.
>anon is projecting again
You literally said you want someone to frick you in the ass and call you a bawd.
>he's still at it
I hate forced diversity but youre braindead if you think this cast is unreasonable
Unreasonable is like the Velaryons in House of the Dragon all being made black when their characters defining features are white skin and white hair
>youre braindead if you think this cast is unreasonable
Three Black folk and a butch, dyke latina in a setting based on Medieval Europe is reasonable to you? Eat shit. And it's not even just the forced diversity, did you see the dialog?
The ONE white guy asks if the "stronk woman" can bring strength and she responds "I know YOU can't." Entire tail-end of the trailer is shitting on him after outlining everyone else's talents it says he's useless and brings nothing to the table. They spent the entire trailer asspatting and building up their diverse characters and taking a massive, nasty SHIT on the single white male in it.
This what they do in every single fricking movie like this. They get a handsome white guy and cast him as a boneheaded, bungling thief type who fricks everything up and gets shit on by everyone. A himbo. That's what Thor was, that's what they've all been since fricking Tangled. White men can be the villains, buffoons or eye candy. That's it.
People like you are how the left gets away with pushing more and more diversity into things, but that image is good so i'll save it
>People like you are how the left gets away with pushing more and more diversity into things
You want to explain how pointing out and detailing exactly what they're doing and why you shouldn't go see it is "letting the left get way with pushing more diversity"?
no i do not want to explain, just know you contribute directly to the thing you hate
Oh, so you're full of shit. Got it. Your ideology is dying out, leftists never look at the future or consequences of their actions.
Im socially conservative and dont like forced diversity in established settings, but i know from experience that nothing i say will reach you which is why i just move on
>Latino and 2 quarter (?) blacks?
Shut the frick up. Rodriguez has been a staple for decades and they actually caster overall a light skinned cast (though nom white). Anyway the film has clearly been edited to be a guardians of the galaxy in Faerun. But I’m sick of quips and marvel shit so I’m not watching.
What an horrid bunch of cosplayers.
I am not a racist polcel, but why are there so many black people in a world based heavily on medieval Poland?
>a world based on medieval poland
????? D&D? Gary Gigax based it mostly off Lord of the rings and a bunch of other fantasy stuff, and its grown into a katamari of fantasy shit. There are terminators in it now for god sake
how much do they pay you?
D&D is more based on Fahrd and the Grey Mouser and Conan the Barbarian than Lord of the Rings.
>DnD was LITERALLY sued by the Tolkien estate for using the terms "orc", "halfling", "ent" etc
>ummmm bro it's not really based on lord of the rings
So morons heard that the witcher was based in polish folklore and all of a sudden think all fantasy lore is set in that slavic hellhole? lmao
D&D is like the one fantasy property that makes sense to be multi racial. It's all about making shit up
Poland?
I will watch for she
It's ironic how much she looks like pennywise.
>I will watch it for she
Starting to hate this already
she is so hot
This is literally the only time in my life I have seen a fantasy female character actually look like what I always imagined a fantasy female character should look like, it's actually insane how perfect she looks, it's like she's a fictional CG character made by artists
she should grow her hair out
If only they could have also gotten McKenzie Foy with her cg face
yes she has elvish qualities
Would have been unironically perfect for it.
I can't imagine how much poz they'll shove in there to make up for it though, we aren't allowed to have nice things anymore
You sound like a fun person to be around.
You sound like someone I wouldn't want to be around.
Can't go 2 posts without someone with a cynical take b***hing about pozzing. Frick off homosexual.
cgi hair
GPU box art
Agreed. This is pretty damn good, also cute. The rest of the cast looks great too, except for this guy. I hate this dorky looking dweeb in everything I've seen him in, hope he doesn't ruin it for me
god I love redheads
If she cuts her hair off again
She will regret it.
Seek help
What for
I agree with you. Frick that weirdo.
Oh no! Somebody likes something!
Diagnosing time!
See kelp(ie).
She's so perfect with her hair like that
Agree, shame the movie looks horrendous.
she looks 10x better with longer hair like that, why is she such a moron and insists on getting boy cuts..
celts are literally built for these roles
I think I actually need a gf soon lads, it's been a long time and I can't keep joking about it.
Its a miracle they didn't turn her into a black woman. Redheads are usually the first to go.
I will watch it for she
I am rethinking my distaste for tieflings.
handlebars :^)
I'm surprised they actually made her a Tiefling, I would have expected her to be an elf or something basic b***h.
redheads are literally perfect why do they have to die off?
>tfw no qt ginger daughter
Sneed
I really hope they have a sex scene with an elf there's literally 0 media representation for elf-frickers
C'mon this is the representation age can't they fit at least one hot, pointy-eared bawd in there
She’ll have sex with an orc and it’ll be beautiful.
Rings of power has your back, oh but the elf is a black guy, ok?
Looks kinda fun; I'll probably pirate it if the reviews aren't terrible.
I'm going to torrent it like any other movie for 20+ years.
As you should, my friend.
why do you feel the need to say pirate instead of watch
because it exposes paid shills like you, fricking pajeet Black person
>everyone's wearing modern outfits
>main team is just a bunch of generic humans
>dumb quips
>nothing is taken seriously
>meme music
>"OMG a reference to the source material!"
looks like just another mcu ripoff, shut-your-brain-off-and-watch-the-action-and-cgi-while-characters-quip
You posted this in the other thread too anon you're getting dementia
>main team is just a bunch of generic humans
this is based, I was worried the cast would be a bunch of freakshit like every cringe D&D group you see ever since Critical Roll poisoned the game
Redhead is a tiefling
built for bbc
KYS Black person
It's a confirmed fact that she loves taking black dick, seethe chud
It's a confirmed fact that you're a Black person that should KYS.
cant handle the truth chudzinski?
The last time I watched a new movie was 2017
i'm not familar with d&d lore, what race is that at 1:44 ?
wood american
Ay caramba
Dios mios
it's like they wanted to appease us by casting white people but also wanted to appease their globohomosexual masters by casting a half-breed
Race:
Bastard child of mestizo stripper and criollo truck driver
Class:
Communications major
la creatura..
She’s half-orc. So… perfect casting
>we need representation!
but who does that represent? literally no one looks like that or identifies with it.
That is literally what people in Brazil and other mutt hellholes look like.
You... didn't know?
>Brazil and other mutt hellholes look like
Other mutt hellholes like America. Got it
looks like a gnome unironically
That would be a human in D&D Lore.
What is the point of a film adaptation of a franchise where the entire point is to make up your own story with your friends?
Baldur's Gate 3 isn't gonna sell itself.
people who watch movies dont have any friends
They made up their own story, put it on paper, then filmed it. I don’t know what else to tell you. It looks like lighthearted fantasy adventure. Honestly I like the tone of the trailer and the production quality doesn’t look too bad.
i mean a shitload of normies watch critical role and all those d&d shows/podcasts, so easy money on that front. for me, i'm really just in it for the live action adaptations of creatures we only really see in d&d like displacer beasts and ilithids
Because the mulatto is going to cast tenser's disk and then I'm going to point at the screen and say: "Look, it's tenser's disk!"
Was Michelle Rodriguez and Bridgerton really not enough for the diversity quota? It would have been fine if they didnt put that Detective Pikachu mutt in it.
her horse teeth, generic face, and the small bulges in her shirt would make any man COOOOM
>nuFantasy
Hmm, no, not for me
Sturm's death still hurts. Even over the centuries since the books came out.
Really though, fantasy was always schlocky but 80s DnD at least still had this heavy metal thing about it, and had that woodsy vibes like the people who wrote the modules actually had been out in nature before and understood the 'atmosphere' of the setting.
Most fantasy since Magic the Gathering and especially the League of Legends games on the other hand just feel really suburban and lacking any aura or 'magic' and seem more like they were designed by (video game) gamer dorks who have never set foot outside let alone smoked pot or zoned out or daydreamed for a second, and who consume or make those vaguely furry-ish, sort of steampunk paintings in Corel of Photoshop of like rogues with 19th Century costumes and stupid looking dated sidecuts that only Xellenials who are unaware of the last 15 years of fashion still think are cool.
Plus this trailer is just dripping with reddit-y Marvel energy and the worst kind of quippy humor. Having Led Zeppelin in there might have worked and usually would indicate someone "getting" fantasy / DnD / Tolkien etc, but they managed to make that feel more Gaurdians of the Galaxy than woodsy heavy metal stoner fantasy
This just looks terrible. Nothing feels medieval or even convincingly quasi-medieval alternate-reality, it just feels like entering into a brand space fine-tuned by Marvel demographic focus groups / consumer data
I'm not mad or going to waste energy thinking about this anymore but as someone who appreciates fantasy schlock this is just another wasted opportunity
Literally everything feels this way now. Watch, like, an 80s movie, then watch the remake. The 80s film as the childrens' rooms filled with clutter, the kids act like actual kids, the people talk to each other like they're real people, even the buttholes act like buttholes act IRL, etc.
Remake, the children act like little adults, if their room has any clutter you don't see it because the camera work only focuses on their faces, the people talk like they're in a high school stage play, the buttholes act like stilted caricatures, everything has this intense feel of artificiality about it.
It's superior in some ways, like the old flicks will do spooky scenes and the scene will just be them standing in an open, brightly-lit graveyard, with a well-tended lawn and headstones, with some makeup on, and you're just meant to find it spooky with the idea that they're talking to a ghost. While the modern film will make a scene like that as intense as it can to freak you out.
But in gaining the artificiality where it might be appropriate, they've sacrificed the authenticity everywhere else.
The games and game worlds are the same. Everything feels like it's trying to be an MMO rather than a magical world. I think it was that they managed to not do this that made the witcher games so popular, in spite of how awful their setting was.
I don't think all films are shows is this way currently, but def everything attuned to the Marvel demographic is, including all the sort of upbeat quippy stuff aimed at Gen X and older Millennial types
I'm not actually a living-in-the-past kind of person; I try to appreciate what's unique / interesting / emergent about every era, but I'll admit when certain forms or aspects are done better or having their peak in one era rather than another (which will have its own strengths but may have shifted to totally different media/tech, and where some of its weaknesses in certain areas are strengths or innovations in others).
The quippy thing I think is just all-around bad though, I've hated it ever since Joss Whedon's work (and maybe you could even trace it to those wacky sidekicks in 90s Disney movies, that kind of rapid-fire, self-conscious kind of joking). But I'm not a fan of theater kid energy and the cloying, pandering vibe, and while I'm def not against popular or crowd-pleasing films / media - I love a lot of it - I think there are definitely always certain tendencies / trends and whole areas of production and demographic taste within it at any given point that I'm not into. Currently not a fan of the whole Marvel-Star Wars-Disney-reddit-quippy zone, though I loved Star Wars as a kid and think Disney has made some genuinely great stuff. Never liked Marvel though, in fact it's always had that cornball quippy thing, even in the 80s
continuing
continuing my thought
But as far as what works vs where it falls short, like I wrote off post-League-of-Legends gamer fantasy... but on another level I actually acknowledge it all as Another Thing. Like it doesn't at all evoke what fantasy used to capture about the experience of nature, or I guess what would be described as the 'numinous', or like the electric charge of certain medieval or old world archetypes / tropes / folktale / mythological structures etc. But then gamery stuff has another emergent property of like a mutant, new, sort of glowing, shiny, post-digital creature, like these little sprites made from jagged or curvilinear 'fantasy shape language and the kind of new reality chemistry or affordances that are created by these strange little avatars and npcs and creatures in digital gamespace / alternate worlds. And maybe there's a sort of 'magic' to all that as well, maybe more animistic than medieval, but this movie doesn't even really capture the best of what I'm describing there either. It's just garbage superhero cringe. And certain DC stuff aside maybe (Batman has always had some intrigue archetypes and lore) I think superheros have always been pretty gay and corny tbh
As for your point about horror doing things better these days in certain respects, I'm a big horror fan and always interested to see what it can do well now, and it took me a minute to appreciate some of its new tools and techniques. But I think some of its strengths in sound design and seemingly operating very viscerally on your emotions with mostly cheap manipulation like jumpscares and shock still fails by the same metrics with 70s or 80s horror that at its best was much more effectively primal and nightmarish in how it tapped into fear at a more dreamlike level. Like I was watching some relatively cruddy Italian horror from 1981 recently and it still had certain aspects that were like genuinely capturing just the archetypal sensation of a nightmare
desu, the main difference I notice between 'modern' magic and 'numinous' magic is the former is masculine and the latter is feminine.
Magic in modern settings is very ironclad; it has strict rules for what works and when you can do what and exactly how to do it. You need to have X level of power of the Yth type and the Zd order in order to cast your Fireball (of the 3rd level) which does so-and-so much damage, and...
Obviously made by men for a specific purpose (in this case, to fit it within a mathematical game). Men like to quantify things and then fit them into neat little boxes that do exactly what they're expected to do.
While 'fairytale' magic is a lot vaguer; you just sort of do things and you hope you do them correctly and that they work. You beseech the powers of the universe, and struggle, and bargain, and plead with them, and maybe they'll grant you what you wish, maybe they'll grant you something else, maybe nothing will happen at all. You can't even be sure there's really even anything there a lot of the time.
It's much more like what you'd get if you went to see the witch who lived outside the village to find a cure for your ailment, or the stories of monsters your grandparents would tell you to spook you and get you to stay away from dangerous things like bodies of water that you could easily drown in, or woods you could get lost in.
Yes agreed. I'm not sure if I'd gender-code it but I know what you're getting at. The problem is just game-logic itself is to quantified and needs to be more controllable and predictable and has that more mathematical / rational / quantifiable logic rather than something that's anomalous / elusive, beyond quantifiability by nature.
What you refer to as more fairytale magic is also just actual real world 'magic' as believed in and practiced by various people and cultures. In fact it does almost always entail very strict rules and parameters but yes, it's still something beyond perception or quantifiability / predictability - whatever factors may come into play in the outcome aren't rational or necessarily something you could ever explain
I think the LOTR movies (and books as well) recognized this actually, which has frustrated some modern gamer autists for not being spectacular or observable enough, but magic is not visible magic missiles or lightning, it's the shifting of invisible dynamics through intervention of higher orders and entities. It's
'perceivable' through a kind of poetical and spiritual awareness (an
art rather than a science', more to do with vibes and abstract, higher order, organic systems) but not provable.
But yeah this movie just has none of that sense, and DnD still had at least the atmosphere and aura but the game logic it set up was bound to eventually lose a lot of that as many gamers were going to get up more into the mechanics rather than the world experience
I dunno what the best terms to describe the different magic types would be. I'm sure there's some "fantasy scholar" or something out there that's categorized all of this into neat definitions already, but I don't know about him so I'm left floundering.
I think about this a lot, there's definitely been an increase in quality and authenticity in media as it started to be based more and more on order fiction and media rather than real life, and Witcher and Kingdom Come Deliverance being made by people who actually went outside did wonders for their belivability and nature. Most people both on the creative and consumers side simply aren't being exposed to real life as much so they don't care, they wouldn't be able to point out the difference in feeling in this compared to e.g. Willow, or Flesh and Blood to Guy Ritchie's King Arthur, or Jackson's LOTR and Wheel of Time. I think it's only going to get worse.
*decrease in quality and authenticity in media as it started to be based more and more on order fiction and media rather than real life
Frick me
i like both settings and find them both comfy
>i like both
how dare you?
I want to dungeon his dragon, if you know what i mean, sir
There is a 3.5 dungeon and dragons addition that has rules for intercourse and spells for intercourse. It's terrible
>spells for intercourse
If you're referring to the Book of Erotic Fantasy, it had spells for impregnating people with demonspawn from a continent away. It was based.
>not single ranger or a monk
Man, D&D really keeps fricking these two on every new edition
they're meme classes, and they'll be treated as such
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dungeons_%26_Dragons_(film_series)
You'd be surprise that this is the fourth DnD movie they've made in slightly over twenty years
I guess that dork Vin Diesel wanted a role but they decided Michelle Rodriguez was cheaper.
druids would have ugly flat feet
She's got horns, I think she's some kind of faun-girl creature, my new goatfu
She's a tiefling homie, if you pay close attention
she has a tail
Neytiri on suicide watch
Get some sweet Tiefling tail.
cute!
reminds me of The Littles
>"We are The Littles... doo doo dah dah..."
I can almost hear the theme song. Only 29 episodes? That doesn't sound right, I watched that shit all the time. Think it came on after Snorks, but before Punky Brewster.
>She's got horns, I think she's some kind of faun-girl creature, my new goatfu
She's supposed to be a Tiefling which are actually demon people
no hooves no service
Why?
Is this water retention? Has to be. Her feet are fat as frick.
Bad genes, her brother got it way worse
>her brother got it way worse
I past this comment a while ago and just had to come back... this is the understatement of the year. Frickin poor kid has lobster claws for hands and dolphin phins for feet. Literal circus freak.
That ain't "getting it worse". That's God hating you.
shame they didn't cast him as a monster in this
ASBOLUSTLY DISGUSTING
Not a foot gay but she has kind of ugly feet
Druids oughta be 7 feet tall elves with ears as long as sword blades.
She's flatfooted, my brother has that. Should have worn offsetting shoes as a child
They're going to pair her with the Detective Pikachu half-breed aren't they
I sense it too. israelitelywood won't resist a chance to ruin Sophia's beauty for me by tainting her.
>Courtney Solomon as producer, for the third time in D&D movie history
>terrible cast
>the trailer looks like Thor: Ragnarok set in medieval times
>Hey, Robert, is anyone else seeing this showing?
>Just one another patron, anon.
one other* frick
>she is supposed to be a fricking tiefling
When did Hollywood give up
The true D&D movie is The Gamers and The Gamers: Dorkness Rising. Real homies know.
The Bard Sucks Montage is comedy gold.
It was funny. But the sequel was about magic and some guy trying to throw his dick at some chick.
that's earlier. the D&D one is the 3rd movie.
Why dont the players roll
No, Jeremy Irons couldn't even make it good, so this has no chance of being a decent film.
These are goblin grippers. Not that I wouldn't like a goblin gf, but my god.
Here she is at a party without shoes and they're fricking dying my bros. Her feet are gasping for oxygen.
What's her toe looking for?
How mad does it make Cinemaphile that Sophia Lillis exclusively dates and fricks black men?
the second that shitty led zeppelin riff started i knew it was going to be another shitty marvel wacky quipfest. frick this
Jesus Christ, looks exactly like a Thor trailer. It even has that wide angle shot of man with sword jumping towards enemies in slow motion included.
Not only do we have capeshit, now we have to suffer capeshit imitations
It looks like a hot mess. How long is this movie? Three hours? They're going to run from one scene to another and have a zinger between every cut.
Where are their masks if they're supposed to be thieves.
Did you just post an image of the trickster from Pathfinder?
Why does Chris Pine look so old?
This movie is no different than capeshit. God I hate nu-DnD.
I'm willing to give this a shot unless something damning surfaces. The strong woman fighter character actually looks physically strong instead of being something like Black Widow, from the imagery it looks unashamed of being D&D (though maybe with a bit too much of "I RECOGNIZE THE THING"), and I don't think we've seen anything about muh patriarchal oppressors or whatever the cancer du jour is. I can deal with the quips if they're not overdone in the actual movie. So far it looks like a fun unpretentious adventure.
Looks like a fun movie notgonna lie. If they manage to abstain from shoving in some garbage propaganda allegorical storiylines, and keep it a medieval fantasy heist plot, it might actually be entertaining. Is it first time we see picrel on the bigscreen?
>marvel quip shit
>fun
no
They literally cast a woman as the strong person and an ugly black guy everyone hated in his last movie as the paladin. There's zero chance this isn't ruined by propaganda.
>They literally cast a woman as the strong person
Grug female barbarians are a staple of this genre.
female barbarians are what true love is
Marvel has destroy cinema
Nah, The Luggage has been seen in the Discworld stuff before.
I watched it like 20 years ago and was mad they used healing magic on fake keanu and didn't on his friend.
She's also a lunatic, anyone remember that interview she did on Howard Stern holy shit
Link?
God damn forced Blacks in muh fantasy! All this modern trash!
Any art?
Amazing how horniness supersedes racism every time fricking time lmao
This is going to flop tremendously.
My wiener is going to flop tremendously onto Sophia's perky ass.
>more quipy zoomer speak where it doesn't belong
every movie seems to be aimed at an audience of twittertards
I should stop watching movies
>Are you going to watch the Dungeons and Dragons movie
I did in 2000. I won’t make that mistake again.
>implying it wasn't worth it to watch Irons give one of the hammiest performances of all time.
was that the one with Jason Statham?
frick it
1-10 I skip it
11-20 I see it day one
w-wish me luck
I thought you were talking about post numbers, but that's based.
I've had these fricking die for years, nice to finally get some use out of them
see you at the kinoplex anons
Replying
Is it set in Forgotten Realms or are they just making it all up?
why in the 9 hells wouldn't they have the movie take place on Faerun?
because I bet the people making this have no idea what Faerun is
This is the reality right here. They probably watched a couple episodes of critical roll. Looked up classes, some races, and well known dnd content and basically set about producing another Marvel movie
The writers are some no-name and industry israelites, so yeah.
oh I'm sure, but they don't need to really know and neither does the audience. They can give some generic wide shot with a "Baldur's Gate" tag in the corner to give a sense of where they're at, but they really don't need to do more than that
I doubt the people in charge have ever heard of Baldur's Gate
Can't wait to see Drow.
they will be Blacks instead of dark skinned white people like in real DnD
although I doubt we'll ever see Drow at all
>dark skinned white people
yes, race is more than skin color
Yes
Can't they just go D&D 1.0 first? Its allegedly more hardcore.
>Hey, this looks like standard fantasy schlock. Could be fu-
>*Led Zeppelin riff kicks in
Is that the only band they use now for movies with elves and shit?
Would you rather it be rap music?
I'd rather it be the Fable 1 soundtrack
I think Game of Thrones and Lord of the Rings might be more your speed
No
Son, Cinemaphile aren't your parents, so why did you just come out to us as a massive flaming homosexual?
She's literally a mannish, butch lesbian with no breasts who's most famous career line is saying "blow me" in Resident Evil. You find a woman known explicitly for suggesting she has a dick attractive. If you were my son, I'd kick your buggering ass the frick out.
What's that first dragon breathing?
Almost looks like it's spewing rocks/stones?
Black dragons spew acid.
That's right, lol. Let's keep our pants on though. Just because they reference the First Edition doesn't mean the story will be good. And the owlbear looked gay.
Have to admit this kinda looks fun. Wonder if Pine is playing the bard as Alan Dean Fosters Spellsinger books: a rock musician from our world who plays rock songs to do magical shit on Toril.
And will we get Licks?
>Are you going to watch the Dungeons and Dragons movie
no
WANNA WHOLE LOTTA LOVE
The look and feel shits of marvel.
mfw they use the bards inspiration as a form of plot armour
>trailer says they have to steal a macguffin
>bring a paladin
>rogue is old instead of the usual gnome/halfling/elf
>no cleric, druid is a fricking furry
>no dwarf
Frick, no literal race diversity
>no dwarves
dropped
Dnd/pathfinder is best when it's low-fantasy. When there's bing bing wahoo magic flinging everywhere nothing ever has any stakes because they can just get away with so much bullshit. Marvel and Doctor Who have the same problem, you know nothing will ever actually go wrong because they have magic wands to fix everything. Not to mention, making it more grounded allows it to be more relatable. A Song of Ice and Fire did magic correctly.
this low-fantasy meme really needs to fricking stop. No one enjoys it, the whole point of playing a fantasy game is to go all in on the fantasy aspect
High fantasy where every single character is a god-tier wizard who can bed time and space to their wills like they're the authors of the story is the most moronic setting out there. It's just Ready Player One's cyberspace at that point.
>No one enjoys it, the whole point of playing a fantasy game is to go all in on the fantasy aspect
That just ends up making it the same as capeshit and also just a modern world with a paper thin "medieval" skin over it.
The problem is that no high-fantasy setting establishes clear rules. A problem arises and it just so happens they know the perfect spell for this despite never having been mentioned previously, they just pull anything out of their ass conveniently. Also, magic becomes absurdly powerful that it invalidates anyone else, why hit someone with a sword when someone can just cast the equivalent of a nuclear bomb on them. The only way to rectify that is to then make your melee guys overpowered too, and it just becomes a battle of power-creep. If you want cool magic, give it real limitations, otherwise I may as well just be watching Thor or Doctor Strange.
Yeah in many ways DnD already had these flaws from the outset just in that everything was on the table... every kind of spell and monster and a village could be full of 'heros' walking around. It just kind of takes away from the immersion and already starts to have this game / video game logic rather than being a convincing reality. That said it was still relatively superior sensibility-wise in the 70s - 90s
>Dnd/pathfinder is best when it's low-fantasy.
low fantasy dnd is fricking dogshit. get some taste you fricking zoomer jesus christ
>zero versatility in combat because it just becomes which ever wizard can cast scorching ray/fireball first
just put on 40 different buffs before combat, you'll be fine
doesnt change in the slightest with low fantasy 10-point buy, it just takes longer for them to get there
This movie looks like shit, but frick you. I really despise your mindset. There's someone who epitomizes it, and I agree with him politically, but got does he have the absolute most boring, dogshit takes concerning fiction.
>Superheroes are boring, unless they have no powers like Daredevil, TMNT and pulp! Yeah, costumes and disguises make so much sense with characters who have no reason to wear them! Frick Batman though because also I'm a hipster.
>Fantasy is only good if it's "low-fantasy". The possibility of stuff happening should be there, but it should mostly focus on characters talking and swordfighting, no magic or artifacts or gods or cool artifacts.
>I only like Sci-Fi if it's grimy noire that feels "lived in" and it has to be believable within the next few years.
>I like mecha like Battletech because they're clunky, nonsensical pieces of shit that look like "MUH WEHPUNS PLATFORMS", I don't like Japanese mecha because it moves fluidly and that's just too much fun.
DD is basically Batman though, except poor
unironically true, except the mecha part
Trailer was really good, and I guess its because they put all the good stuff in there.
>they actually cast a ginger in a Hollywood movie
So she's obviously going to get fricked by either one of the ugly groids.
Fricking israelites.
she literally became the fluid druid meme
I’m fully expecting a meta moment where someone does something le epic and the rules lawyer character says that shouldn’t be possible and then someone says frick the rules while the 5e audience claps, reassured that their mess of a system doesn’t need structure or balance
>I backflip onto the giants back
>16 roll with +9 acrobatics
>Can I get Sneak Attack?
You have two choices. One, adhere to rules, structure and balance and suck ass or two, be heckin epic and let the halfling leap onto a 15' giant and cut its throat.
you always let the player do what they want,
unless your playing with pure mechanics autists but they wouldn't even try that in the first place.
>Black folk
no thanks i dont watch anything that has chimpoids in it
What if they're called cimpoids in the setting?
nah
i dont want people with a complexion similar to that of feces on my tv, sorry
There's something about the tone in this trailer that makes me think it will be shlock
When I would go stay with my dad in his shitty apartment complex there was this girl a few years older than me in middle school and we'd watch the DnD movie and The Mummy constantly
This movie looks garbage. Looks like a college project with shit CG trying to be a Marvel movie in a DnD setting. Why does anyone want to watch this?
Every actor is a literal meme actor, even Chris Pine.
Why are they still trying to make us think Black folk give a flying frick about D&D
Druids cannot use Wildshape to turn into owlbears
Cute, they put my chungus boi Themberchaud in it
Lorewise, how can you defend shaved armpits. Metal is expensive. Why would anyone even bother shaving anything but men's faces.
And from a Tolkien perspective, what about elves? If they have pubes and armpit hair, doesn't that mean it's "perfect"
>Lorewise, how can you defend shaved armpits
Magic lmao
I can't think of a single Tolkien Elf that's ever been portrayed as so much as having facial hair, much less anywhere else.
And if you're referring to Sophia, the idea is she's so feminine she doesn't need to.
Counterpoint: how can you defend disgusting unshaved armpits?
I already did, in Stranger Things 4 :))
You say Michelle Rodriguez.
I hear endless mating press creampies.
I wrote it in a thread yesterday, but I hope that in the end, it's revealed that all of it was a campaign a few nerds were playing in a basement, explaining all the strange things that would happen in the plot. But, I know, as you do, that it will be a serious mind-numbingly boring fantasy film with the most generic story available.
Only the go-to story of every shitty, edgy "we wanna be thieves" D&D party. "A mysterious strangers offers you money to steal an artifact. Turns out he was an evil wizard/lich/demon/Vecna and the artifact you stole will give him the ability to destroy/take over the world."
Looks fun but you know this shit will be a major flop
Hans Zimmer is a curse upon the world.
Intro themes like this:
Ofcourse, it looks and feels exactly like a good DnD campaign should. It genuinely looks fun.
I went into the trailer expecting absolutr dogshit but it looks like they actually put some thought into the detail, and it isnt woke at all compared to how bad things have become in the past 5 years
What movie started this trend, im sure it was one of the marvel ones but i wonder which one flipped the switch that made the entire industry decide to inject irony into every interaction
>it isnt woke at all
>overall a light skinned cast (though nom white)
>youre braindead if you think this cast is unreasonable
>Ofcourse, it looks and feels exactly like a good DnD campaign should. It genuinely looks fun.
I see the shills are out in force. Are they paying you homosexuals in Mountain Dew?
>conveniently cutting off the quote before i said it isnt woke at all In COMPARISON to things released in the past 5 years
Sasuga, keep up the good fight
>in COMPARISON
This is a movie in a setting based on medieval Europe where more than half of the cast is non-European, and the only white male in the party is repeatedly shit on and called useless the entire trailer. Both female characters have nothing in the way of breasts.
>setting based on medieval Europe
This is fricking D&D. It's the only setting where blacks in Poland makes sense because the entire franchise STARTED as a bastardization of European culture, by turning it into a game that's inherently accessible to everyone. People have been playing black fricking paladins since the 80s, you fricking newbie.
Dude, you're not going to convince me to pay money for this trash, or anyone else. The movie is going to flop and the money you're being paid will have been a complete waste, and you'll have to go back to your fricking robocall job like the worthless, subhuman filth you are. Just because someone *can* make their own Cumwagon Fartgun character doesn't make it any less moronic in the setting.
The hilarious thing is the only blacks I've ever known to play D&D chose to play as white or Asian characters (ninja type thieves were a popular choice for them for some reason.)
If this movie is about a specific established dnd campaign then your point would make sense because it would have established demographics already, if the movie made up their own campaign then they can do whatever they want with it
dnd is gay and i avoid threads about it on /tg/, but burying your head in the sand doesnt change that the movie isnt ruining established worlds like the new witcher, game of thrones, halo, resident evil, and lord of the rings are.
It's popularizing what everyone sees is a shit idea, and every time you reply you conveniently choose to ignore that the entire trailer shits on the only white male character as weak and useless while spending the rest of the runtime building up the others. Tell me, does your "they could have made up a really diverse setting" bullshit justify shitting exclusively on white males, or is that just your inner cuckold b***h coming screaming out? It's okay, I asked your wife's boyfriend, he says you can answer after you eat the cummies.
Your victim complex will seethe no matter what the writers do, the white guys arent getting shit on any morw than any other characters
>the white guys arent getting shit on any morw than any other characters
There's one white guy in the entire party. Point out the scenes in the trailer where the other party members are told they're weak and useless and can only play a lute. Go on. Do it.
You fricking cuckold b***h.
The paladin gets called a Black person 2 minutes in, it was easy to miss but the writers slipped it in to meet your qualifications
I'll bet you some limpwristed embarrassment to their parents chuckled in the writing room about casting the literal "white knight" class as a Black person.
>not knowing about the black paladin trope
poser
>calling a meme a trope
Ok zoomer.
>calling a trope a meme
Ok zoomer.
>where the other party members are told they're weak and useless and can only play a lute
>he can't handle the d&d bantz
Never gonna make it.
It's not "bantz" if it's exclusively directed at one character. You're making excuses like the self-flagellating b***h you are. You're like one of those fat, white neckbeard fricks who was nodding and applauding at the "diversity" of Rogue One.
That character is clearly the leader and face of the party.
I don't see how you can see this as a bad thing for men or whatever you're complaining about.
I genuinely hate how everything is on four levels of irony now. Humour is just plastered over everything to deflect criticism. “If we don’t take the owlbear seriously, neither can you!”
I’m glad top gun blew everything out of the water. So did max max when that came out. It’s so fricking appalling how none of these producers and studios take the fricking hint.
Just make something that can stand on its own merits for frick sakes
>Are you going to watch the Dungeons and Dragons movie
sure did. few times. we made a drinking game of it. jeremy irons is the greatest comic genius of our generation.
100% chance they will do a one shot with the whole cast playing and matt mercer or perkins DMing on twitch to promote the movie.
Too many black people
I say that as a black guy
Why did they just make it a GoG clone.
It's just so shameless.