You are to take our mongolian yak herders and scout all the roads and defensive strongpoints between here and Hiroshimoot. If you encounter anons, deliver the enclosed shitpost. If you encounter no resistance, nail it to the front page of the catalog. If you encounter jannies, engage accordingly. There will be no sneedposting, coomerposting, or frogposting. Do you understand?
God I wish I had a time machine. I have a dream of travelling back in time and meeting Marcus Crassus. I have to tell him that his son is a piece of shit, but before Crassus can have me crucified I teach him the secret recipe for gunpowder. He is intrigued by my proposal and I explain to him it's application is Latin: >Ballum ferox augmentum explodiarum, projectilus fulminata cylindrum. Equiis missila terminatus, providensis multiplatum cylindrum rotarius
And then I hand him the schematics of a Maxim Gonne, which because the Romans are expert military technician engineers they will be able to easily reconstruct albeit with perhaps weaker metal forging component. Utilizing the power of the light machine gun, the valiant Marcus Crassus would be able to fuck up all those heathen Parthian shits and Seleucid retards on their stupid ponies as he advanced his legions east, possibly all the way to Mongolia where he would exterminate those fuckers and ensure the enduring prosperity and pax eternum of the Eurasian continent.
Meanwhile for my efforts I would be rewarded by Crassus with lots and lots of Aurum and Argentum which I would spend on living a comfy life in Hispania, having sex with spannish dicky as they find my mysterious foreign accent very attractive and they would always say "Me gusta pappi!" when I ram them with my six-barreled rotating machine gun cock.
>Anon takes the effort to go back in time to show Crassus new technology. >He goes "meh... not honorable enough". >Gets crucified upside down. >Crassus still gets to deepthroat molten gold. >History refused to change.
It would probably prolong the reign of the triumvirate, as Caesar and Pompeii weren't willing to see eye to eye on anything without Crassus as mediator.
Whether or not it preserves the republic isn't really the point though, the point is total parthian and mongolian genocide.
Yeah great plan homosexual, make the horse archer meta permanently OP
Oh no is that the return of the Mongolian Horde I hear? And this time they aren't arbitrarily stopping at Hungary and pushing further west? Is that the permanent end of all European civilization? How could this have happened!?
>le horses archers
Overrated meme. Literally just build walls, and don't engage them on the plains without cavalry support.
6 months ago
Anonymous
>Literally just build walls,
Didn't help the Chinese. >don't engage them on the plains without cavalry support
Didn't help the Magyars.
6 months ago
Anonymous
Just research the tech and spam your own horse archers. wa la.
6 months ago
Anonymous
I hate the horse archer meta on principle. It will forever be a blight on European history that we came within a hare's breath of total annihilation because some dumb yak boy figured out how to put archers on horses and organized them into an army, and the only reason our races aren't extinct is because he died.
6 months ago
Anonymous
I actively avoid horse archers in all strat games. They're so fucking unaesthetic. Give me an outdated spear line with archers behind it any day
6 months ago
Anonymous
>just build walls xd
From huns to mongolians they were experts at siege warfare
>And this time they aren't arbitrarily stopping at Hungary
They didn't arbitrarily stop they lost. They got figured out plain and simple, and that was Hungary and Poland and Bohemia only, they would've been fucked in the heavily, heavily forested Germany, the hills and mountains of Northern Italy, and the marshy swamp of the low countries. Not taking into account the fact that everything Hungary learned to fuck them up with, heavy fortification, armored cavalry, large concentrations of foot archers, all became more prevalent the further into Western Europe you went.
>I have to tell him that his son is a piece of shit
His son was a well liked young officer with a promising future and a better military mind than his father though?
I thought her scenes with Agrippa were cute.
It's obvious from the show that she's the type of woman that is literally unable to satisfy a man unless she genuinely loves him, so it was with her first boyfriend, then Octavian and later Agrippa.
>Pompey and Mark Antony weren't virgins and they weren't the least bit impressed.
Men and Women should marry and copulate at the age of 15 and remain forever faithful to one another both in this life and the next. Pompei and Antony are savages, not men.
They kept giving her all these plot lines that were then hastily aborted. First she wants revenge for her husband which would inevitably lead conflict with Atia? Then that never comes up again. Then she's into incest? But then that never comes up again. Then she's a lesbian? But that never comes up again.
>First she wants revenge for her husband which would inevitably lead conflict with Atia? Then that never comes up again.
Yes it does. It's why she hates her mother. >Then she's into incest? But then that never comes up again.
Because Servilia was manipulating her. The spell was broken after Caesar's assassination. >Then she's a lesbian? But that never comes up again.
See above.
You have understand some of the plotlines in season 1 are basically just there to create a very incredible sequence of events that led to Caesar being stabbed to death, because something like that would never happen in real life.
>
this show's writing is shit, always trying to create conflitct out of nothing, really contrived, neglecting history without any benefit
cleopatra in particular was a low point
Her having sex with her brother leads to her finding out about Vorenus's wife's son, she then tells Cervilia,(whom she has sex with to spite her mother), who uses that information to keep Vorenus out of the Senate the day Julius Caesar is assasinated. It literally all ties together.
That shit was so forced >tell me about caesar >how about I instead tell you about this completely unrelated to anything at all story about a guy you met once 6 months ago for 2 seconds
Upon rewatching the show, it became clear to me that Brutus' arc didn't really have anything to do with his purported sense of honor and justice. He was really just butthurt and salty because Caesar didn't trust him after the meme smear campaign.
>come on man, you know this looks bad if you stick around here right? Just take this cushy ass job for a little while and then come back when it's all settled and you can be my quasi-son again
Any logical person as he claimed to be would've taken it. But naw, let's go with murder
That's kinda the point of the show. That unlike their statues portray them, these were real people who just like us were petty bitches about everything. Pompey betrays Caesar over a horse, Brutus restarts a civil war over being asked to lie low, Octavian and Antony hate each other because he's fucking his mom.
Did anyone get a legitimate autismic romance vibe when she figured out Octavian's plan for provoking Marc Antony and he wished her good night because he didn't know how to react to a woman that understood how he thought?
I wish there were more kinos set in different periods of Rome, like the early days of the Republic (Etruscan times would be amazing), or the late empire after Christianization. But almost everything is set in Caesar's time or immediately after.
fuck off Silvia, we have our own problems
>mfw he didn't penetrate anyone yet
You are to take our mongolian yak herders and scout all the roads and defensive strongpoints between here and Hiroshimoot. If you encounter anons, deliver the enclosed shitpost. If you encounter no resistance, nail it to the front page of the catalog. If you encounter jannies, engage accordingly. There will be no sneedposting, coomerposting, or frogposting. Do you understand?
Were the romans the first to ever have anything resembling an actual military?
Nah, it was a Akkadians I think
....are you seriously this dense? ofc no they weren't. not even close.
American moment
God I wish I had a time machine. I have a dream of travelling back in time and meeting Marcus Crassus. I have to tell him that his son is a piece of shit, but before Crassus can have me crucified I teach him the secret recipe for gunpowder. He is intrigued by my proposal and I explain to him it's application is Latin:
>Ballum ferox augmentum explodiarum, projectilus fulminata cylindrum. Equiis missila terminatus, providensis multiplatum cylindrum rotarius
And then I hand him the schematics of a Maxim Gonne, which because the Romans are expert military technician engineers they will be able to easily reconstruct albeit with perhaps weaker metal forging component. Utilizing the power of the light machine gun, the valiant Marcus Crassus would be able to fuck up all those heathen Parthian shits and Seleucid retards on their stupid ponies as he advanced his legions east, possibly all the way to Mongolia where he would exterminate those fuckers and ensure the enduring prosperity and pax eternum of the Eurasian continent.
Meanwhile for my efforts I would be rewarded by Crassus with lots and lots of Aurum and Argentum which I would spend on living a comfy life in Hispania, having sex with spannish dicky as they find my mysterious foreign accent very attractive and they would always say "Me gusta pappi!" when I ram them with my six-barreled rotating machine gun cock.
>Anon takes the effort to go back in time to show Crassus new technology.
>He goes "meh... not honorable enough".
>Gets crucified upside down.
>Crassus still gets to deepthroat molten gold.
>History refused to change.
Romans LOVE siege engines regardless of honor.
You know what isn't honorable?
HORSE ARCHERS. FUCK HORSE ARCHERS.
Does keeping crasus alive preserve the republic? What happens there...
It would probably prolong the reign of the triumvirate, as Caesar and Pompeii weren't willing to see eye to eye on anything without Crassus as mediator.
Whether or not it preserves the republic isn't really the point though, the point is total parthian and mongolian genocide.
>wanting to ruin kino ancient warfare by introducing g*ns
If I had a time machine, I'd go back and murder the chink who invented g*npowder.
Yeah great plan homosexual, make the horse archer meta permanently OP
Oh no is that the return of the Mongolian Horde I hear? And this time they aren't arbitrarily stopping at Hungary and pushing further west? Is that the permanent end of all European civilization? How could this have happened!?
>le horses archers
Overrated meme. Literally just build walls, and don't engage them on the plains without cavalry support.
>Literally just build walls,
Didn't help the Chinese.
>don't engage them on the plains without cavalry support
Didn't help the Magyars.
Just research the tech and spam your own horse archers. wa la.
I hate the horse archer meta on principle. It will forever be a blight on European history that we came within a hare's breath of total annihilation because some dumb yak boy figured out how to put archers on horses and organized them into an army, and the only reason our races aren't extinct is because he died.
I actively avoid horse archers in all strat games. They're so fucking unaesthetic. Give me an outdated spear line with archers behind it any day
>just build walls xd
From huns to mongolians they were experts at siege warfare
>And this time they aren't arbitrarily stopping at Hungary
They didn't arbitrarily stop they lost. They got figured out plain and simple, and that was Hungary and Poland and Bohemia only, they would've been fucked in the heavily, heavily forested Germany, the hills and mountains of Northern Italy, and the marshy swamp of the low countries. Not taking into account the fact that everything Hungary learned to fuck them up with, heavy fortification, armored cavalry, large concentrations of foot archers, all became more prevalent the further into Western Europe you went.
>I have to tell him that his son is a piece of shit
His son was a well liked young officer with a promising future and a better military mind than his father though?
No.
Silly question anon.
I get that reference!
>Timon: We'll need payment, of course.
>Marc Antony: I'd never expect public service from a israelite.
WTF, Marc Antony was based????
How lame was her pussy to cause not one, but two civil wars?
Always thought this actress was the weakest link on the show after Eirene.
Pleb take on both accounts. KYS.
I thought her scenes with Agrippa were cute.
It's obvious from the show that she's the type of woman that is literally unable to satisfy a man unless she genuinely loves him, so it was with her first boyfriend, then Octavian and later Agrippa.
Agrippa was the definition of a sucker idolizing mediocre pussy. Pompey and Mark Antony weren't virgins and they weren't the least bit impressed.
>Pompey and Mark Antony weren't virgins and they weren't the least bit impressed.
Men and Women should marry and copulate at the age of 15 and remain forever faithful to one another both in this life and the next. Pompei and Antony are savages, not men.
They kept giving her all these plot lines that were then hastily aborted. First she wants revenge for her husband which would inevitably lead conflict with Atia? Then that never comes up again. Then she's into incest? But then that never comes up again. Then she's a lesbian? But that never comes up again.
>First she wants revenge for her husband which would inevitably lead conflict with Atia? Then that never comes up again.
Yes it does. It's why she hates her mother.
>Then she's into incest? But then that never comes up again.
Because Servilia was manipulating her. The spell was broken after Caesar's assassination.
>Then she's a lesbian? But that never comes up again.
See above.
What a load of cac, you.
You have understand some of the plotlines in season 1 are basically just there to create a very incredible sequence of events that led to Caesar being stabbed to death, because something like that would never happen in real life.
>
this show's writing is shit, always trying to create conflitct out of nothing, really contrived, neglecting history without any benefit
cleopatra in particular was a low point
Her having sex with her brother leads to her finding out about Vorenus's wife's son, she then tells Cervilia,(whom she has sex with to spite her mother), who uses that information to keep Vorenus out of the Senate the day Julius Caesar is assasinated. It literally all ties together.
No I get that, I mean like, she never never gets incesty or lezzes out again.
That shit was so forced
>tell me about caesar
>how about I instead tell you about this completely unrelated to anything at all story about a guy you met once 6 months ago for 2 seconds
>when the romans jakpost in a tv-series that predates Cinemaphile
memetics into miracles
Upon rewatching the show, it became clear to me that Brutus' arc didn't really have anything to do with his purported sense of honor and justice. He was really just butthurt and salty because Caesar didn't trust him after the meme smear campaign.
>come on man, you know this looks bad if you stick around here right? Just take this cushy ass job for a little while and then come back when it's all settled and you can be my quasi-son again
Any logical person as he claimed to be would've taken it. But naw, let's go with murder
That's kinda the point of the show. That unlike their statues portray them, these were real people who just like us were petty bitches about everything. Pompey betrays Caesar over a horse, Brutus restarts a civil war over being asked to lie low, Octavian and Antony hate each other because he's fucking his mom.
They had chudjacks back in the classic era?
Gods, I wish the Augusta would choke me during sex until I came.
Did anyone get a legitimate autismic romance vibe when she figured out Octavian's plan for provoking Marc Antony and he wished her good night because he didn't know how to react to a woman that understood how he thought?
whoever cast the women for this has a forehead fetish.
I miss her so much, bros.
She was a nice piece, that.
Women, heh?
They made a show out of a video game?
why yes I think I will start another german campaign. Rush the romans before the Macedonian endless stacks fuck me in my dirty barbarian asshole.
>Salve, Centurion.
its all forced drama, incest out of the blue, vorenus killing his wife so out of character, pullo becoming a gladiator lol
>vorenus killing his wife so out of character, pullo becoming a gladiator
Neither of these are out of character at all
I wish there were more kinos set in different periods of Rome, like the early days of the Republic (Etruscan times would be amazing), or the late empire after Christianization. But almost everything is set in Caesar's time or immediately after.
What a load of cack, this.