>Bit by a SPIDER
>Name is SPIDER-man
>Does all the things a SPIDER can
yet
>can't make webs
>doesnt have 4 arms and 4 legs
What the frick were they thinking making SPIDER-man, not be able to do any of the things people know spiders for. Like seriously, who the frick sees a spider and goes, "yep, thats a bug that can lift twice it's body weight and NOTHING else is special about it!"
>marvel zombies spider-man
The webs would come out of his taint if we were being accurate. Plus, his powers are more magical than natural, so I guess it makes sense that he's not a full on Spider-Person.
All of this is directly addressing Amazing Fantasy #15 1962.
Its a theme Peter chose and made devices to go along with that theme.
Read a comic once in a while, huh?
>Bitten by a radioactive spider
>Given the powers of a spider-totem
>Totem tells him how to make spider-webs
>Somehow this is all a "theme" peter chose
So theres a reality out there where Peter markets himself as the "amazing wall grabber!" and uses his powers to rip peoples limbs off instead?
He can't generate spider venom either.
Nah, it come out of his belly button since webs are produced in a spider's abdomen.
Are there seriously some writers still trying to push the spider totem thing? I don't think a single reader likes that shit.
I liked it. Specifically JMS, cause it he built a whole mythological mythos around it. Plus I view it highly since he involved Anansi, the African Spider-God. I can understand why other readers disliked it, but I also liked how it was use to show a different side or Peter, or at least challenged his personality in one way or another
>built a whole mythological mythos around it
which defeats the whole point of Peter just being a random guy given random powers. The Other, the chosen one, animist spirits destined to defy each other and all that...ick
Spider-Man doesn't need that and it has poisoned the franchise ever since.
At the VERY least JMS had the sense to make it seem like Ezekiel was full of shit and was just stringing Peter along to save his own ass. But it stuck around longer than it ever should have.
Yeah, I get that. The whole point of Peter being Spider-Man, is that he's just some normal guy who's decided to take up this role, and having to with the drawbacks, being a self appointed hero takes. IMO it doesn't really destroy things, especially in a self contained run like JMS's, cause again he build's a mythos around it. Even beyond the mythological aspect, we still see Peter struggling to deal with the realities of being a hero, and it's strain on his relationships and mindset.
Now I can't speak on other runs using JMS ideas or creations, or Slott reusing Morlun, but as a standalone run, JMS' take is pretty good. Plus it felt like they knew that the whole mythos thing was a bit much or not as good, and we sort of get a "silent reboot" of Peter being normal.
>which defeats the whole point of Peter just being a random guy given random powers
Except Starlin made Peter Marvel's chosen one decades beforehand and Peter *rejected* the Other you dipshit wienersucker. He wasn't chosen by the Other to do anything. They've never said it had to be him. Last I fricking checked, the other was in MC2 Peter and multiple other people were empowered by the same fricking spider. They've basically done frick all with the concept besides the Inheritor/Shathra bullshit, which is awful, and Miss Arrow, which was awful. They haven't done any chosen one nonsense. There are literally an infinite number of fricking spider-totems. Peter isn't fricking special for being selected to be one.
Maybe if writers started actually develop the concept and treated it as something other than food for Inheritors and Shathra, we'd have also have been spared some of the worst Spider-stories ever written.
Still is even in the wizards did it era. He can sense the future and a particular radio wave. And Marvel flipflopped on whether it was heightened senses, radio waves, or pheromones for fricking years even though no one thing would explain all the shit he could do with it, eg detecting spoiled shrimp, lightning, poisonous gas, and time bombs.
Like seriously we know FRICK ALL about the totem bullshit. We don't know how many totemic spider-deities there are. We don't know what their names are. We don't know what their roles are either in the multiverse, in 616, or on Earth. We don't know how they select spider-totems beyond the fact that *some* use messenger spiders with bites that kill evildoers. We don't know what spider-totems are expected to fricking do. We know don't know the relationship from this bullshit to other totemic deities. We know hardly any other 616 non-spider totem characters. Only fricking 2 have even been introduced.
The concept has been the canon origin for Marvel's flagship character for fricking decades and they've done nothing with it but churn out meaningless blood bath plots written by Slott.
You all act like this bullshit was cancer to the character but Marvel's done frick all with it and the worst consequences stemmed from exactly that.
I like it because a wizard did it is narratively simple, it prevents plot holes, it makes Cinemaphile seethe, and it helps prevent certain bullshit plots like Tony creating a spider-sense for his suit, a thing he did once before they said a wizard did it.
Like if it's physics or chemistry based, why the frick couldn't he just do that shit with his suit's sensors and AI?
>bullshit plots like Tony creating a spider-sense for his suit
Pete's spider-sense has been an actual, quantifiable and measurable frequency since the Lee/Ditko days. Pete was able to single out that frequency and that's how his spider-tracers work. WIZARDS DID IT is lame.
If he was more spider-like he would be monstrous
>sucks wienerS
>is a homosexual
>acts like a complete homosexual
yet
>hasn't come out to his parents
>won't admit that he's gay
What the frick was OP thinking being a giant homosexual and not owning up to it?
Blame Ditko.
>his name is The Question
>is not a giant question mark.
>Silver Surfer
>actually just floats on a surfboard
What else would he have called himself?
>Named LOBO
yet
>Not a WOLF
>Wolve-rine
>he actually has nothing to do with wolves
>he actually has nothing to do with wolves
Actually Marvel tried to retcon him into an ancient werewolf and even tied Romulus and Remus into him because their writers are fricking idiots.
But then they stopped to think about what they were doing for half a second, said the guy spouting all that bullshit was a lying troll, and never brought the story up again.
Except he can make webs. Who the frick do you think makes his web fluid?
And since fricking when do spiders have arms?
>Spider strength, speed and agility!
1960s Radiation Magic, nothing to do with spiders
>Sticks to walls!
Again, some kind of molecular field generated by Radiation Magic-- not at all a spider thing
>Spider Sense!
Some kind of low-level psychic power (confirmed several times) gifted by 1960s Radiation Magic.
>Webs...
Pete's chosen theme of Spider-Man needed an actual spider gimmick so he invented the webbing.
Pete could have chosen any theme but since it was a spider that injected the radiation into him, he rolled with that.
Later writers tried to tie it into the spider transferring a web recipe to Peter, or maybe its an interdimensional cosmic SPIDER SPIRIT thing but all that is stupid shit that came decades later.
Spider gods just doesn't work for Spider-Man.
Just like when writers try to add amazing new details to Superman's origin. Shit is perfect the way it is, and trying to shoehorn new twists in is just pathetic.
Make Jessica Drew or any other Spider-adjacent character the vehicle for that totem nonsense. Leave Peter out of it.
The complete mess of a franchise that Spider-Man is now is specifically because writers keep trying to add "clever" twists to old stories. Leave his origin alone, leave his damn dead girlfriend alone. LOL deal with the devil! Ben Riley's got a continuity more fricked up than most X-Men characters and that's amazing. The symbiotes have been fricked over by "ACTUALLY IT WAS THIS ALL ALONG" bullshit.
It's all so tiresome and not fun.
>leave his damn dead girlfriend alone
They did by ruining Harry and Norman. Congrats. Sins Past is no longer canon. You're welcome. Careful what you wish for.
>LOL deal with the devil
That wasn't a twist on an old story. That was just bad writing.
>Ben Riley's got a continuity more fricked up than most X-Men characters and that's amazing.
You fricking wish and again, not twists on old stories, just fricking bad writing.
>The symbiotes have been fricked over by "ACTUALLY IT WAS THIS ALL ALONG" bullshit.
Yeah, Venom fans actually have a reason to b***h, although if Marvel had left well enough alone they'd have never gotten Lethal Protector in the first fricking place (and I'm of the opinion that's exactly the way shit should have happened, but I digress).
You seem big mad about a variety of unrelated shitty writing and are trying to dump it all on spider-gods that have nothing to do with it.
Deal with the devil being the Harry Osborne stupidity.
>You seem big mad about a variety of unrelated shitty writing and are trying to dump it all on spider-gods that have nothing to do with it.
The point was that spider-gods are indicative of the same kind of desperate attempts by writers to put a new spin on shit that doesn't need spinning. And the result always suck.
>The point was that spider-gods are indicative of the same kind of desperate attempts by writers to put a new spin on shit that doesn't need spinning.
Literally only one of the things you fricking brought up was "trying to put a new spin on shit" and the deal with the devil you're b***hing about was trying to bring back the old spin you dipshit.
You're making a blanket complaint about bad writing and trying to equivocate all bad writing with a particular trope you didn't write even though you can't point to any tangible harm that trope caused here. Cause it didn't. Marvel's done jack shit with it.
If you can't explain how the totem shit has ruined spider-comics, it fricking didn't, although congrats on pointing out how EVERY OTHER STORY THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH TOTEM LORE WAS GODAWFUL.
Maybe the problem is not enough totem shit? Seems to be the only trend.
But his only spider-power is being able to get drunk off caffeine and 99% of the time Marvel doesn't even remember he can do that.
post it