>recently had non cancerous sack removed from back
>Now I pretend that the doctors secretly told me I only have 1 year to live, and I'm hiding it from my family
>Withdraw a few thousand dollars in savings, have it kept hidden in a secret stash in my room
>Take it out every few days secretly and count it and pretend it's alot more than it is, if I hear parents outside door I quickly pack it up and make that exasperated face walt makes when he has to deal with a simpleton
>I don't make it to my parents, I make it to the 'camera'
>Start drinking black coffee, hate it but like to stick to script
>Peanut butter jelly sandwiches with crust off packed for work
>I work in an industrial job that sometimes requires cleaning with strong chemicals/Hazmat suit/mask/thick rubber gloves so I pretend I'm walt in Gus's lab
>Want to shave my head completely but can't commit
 CRIME Shirt $21.68 |
 |
CRIME Shirt $21.68 |
shave your head homosexual
Say my name
I pretend I'm veruca salt sometimes. I even got a custom made dress to look like hers.
I remember hearing such disappointment in my father's voice when he told me to come down stairs for dinner, after coming into my bedroom and seeing me in a dress reenacting the goose egg song scene.
I pretend to be Saul Goodman in disguise
>go to college, have friends, feel popular, liked, make jokes, known as funny guy
>covid happens, never see 90 percent of them again, graduate during covid
>pretend this is because I had to go on the run and cut contact
>get lowpaying drudgery job in call center
>wear slacks and polos all the time now
>constantly look at old pictures
>take new pics in black and white
>whenever I go to the mall, I go admire the suits
>daydream constantly about the girls I used to know, never reach out to them
>fantasize about going back to school and getting into law school
address unknown
where did you get your custom veruca dress?
I would tell you but I'd rather not. I wouldn't feel special anymore if someone else copied my veruca dress.
>call center after graduating
Many such cases
>be 34 y.o KHV office IT wagie that never goes outside except to work
>weigh myself one day and see that I'm 315 lb
>decide to go Tony mode
>go to big and tall store and buy bowling shirts, hawaiian shirts and some dress pants
>start using hair wax to slick my hair back
>show up to work one day in my new style
>people glancing at me and I can tell they're uncomfortable
>think "what would Tony do?"
>ignore them and do my thing
>supervisor calls me in that day to ask me if I'm OK
>"anon, we noticed you've become withdrawn and you drastically altered your attire"
>tell her "what are ya gonna do huh"
>she asks if I'm feeling stressed or going through a crisis
>tell her I'm fine
>3 days later a new hire zoomer submits a support ticket because he can't get his MS Word working
>remote desktop in to help and start walking him through troubleshooting
>he keeps being annoying, alt-tabbing through windows, Windows+D to go to desktop, etc rapidly
>ask him to stop showing off and just follow the steps
>he says he's good with computers and games on PC
>tell him "I'm the mothafricking one who calls the shots, so shut da frick up about it"
>finish the ticket (it was user error)
>get called into the supervisor's office 15 minutes later
>she makes me sit and then leaves
>"be right back anon"
>I'm sitting and getting nervous
>hear the bell at the office front door ring
>look up
>
>>hear the bell at the office front door ring
>>look up
>>
I thought you were about to tell me the first letter of every sentence spelled "Get on the floor, do the Dinosaur" or something.
>Windows+D to go to desktop,
Holy shit I didn't know you could do this. Thanks.
Got me, made me laugh out loud.
If you're not even willing to give yourself a zero guard buzzcut regularly and grow a mustache you're a complete spastic and not a Heisenberg LARPer whatsoever.
Dubs and I'll shave head
>check 'em
Get shaving, bucko
That's not dubs, this is
No... THIS is DUBS!!
kneel.
gays
With every pass of your scalp, be sure to yell "you're DONE!" at all the hair as it falls.
I wish I was a kid again
Czek em
dubs 4 you
check these dubs
I’ll try for the heck of it
Whenever I get sad I pretend I'm on a boat ride with my friends and it never works
Boo hoo moo moo boo hoo moo moo boo hoo moo moo boo hoo moo moo boo hoo moo moo boo hoo moo moo cebu
Frick you I was doing a few of those things unironically. Like the peanut butter jelly sandwiches for lunch. Peanut butter on one, jelly on the other. No crust. Black coffee. Shit like that.
CHECK THIS b***hEEES!
Your not shaving
Dubs and you shave your head. b***h!
Numbers and you have to razorshave (skinbald).
you don't have a few thousand dollars in savings
NO HALF MEASURES
never forget that anon playing rust
If I DON'T get dubs you have to sha e your head
I JUST WANT DUBS
SHAVE! THAT! HEAD!
Do it gayet
shave your throat homosexual
I pretend I have turberculosis and have fake cough fits. I like western.
I'm Cliff Booth.
>21 years old
>living cheaply off of stock market investments, which is kind of like getting some allowance money for driving a good friend around
>half of my free time is dedicated to working out, the other half is spent drinking beer and vaping, it's a ouroboros of self care
>sold my sedan for a convertible
>dyed my hair from dark to light brown to fit the look better
>don't get mad, stay cool through every scenario
>hit on every attractive woman I see, I'm in a majorly big metropolis so I don't worry about awkwardness cause I can always go somewhere else
>fundamentally it's just me and my dog in the AirBNB I made my semi permanent residence
COVID fricked my mind up a great deal so I pretend I'm already dead and I can do whatever I want that doesn't get me put in jail cause what does it even matter.
I just need a Rick Dalton to work for.
>COVID fricked my mind up a great deal so I pretend I'm already dead and I can do whatever I want that doesn't get me put in jail cause what does it even matter.
Same except I wander around everywhere like a ghost and can't form relationships anymore.
>ITT : losers pretending to be cool