>Contact his friends, family and girlfriend, NOW! >Sir...

>Contact his friends, family and girlfriend, NOW!
>Sir...

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  1. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Sir
    >That's actually a HER

  2. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >AND HIS OTHER GIRLFRIEND

  3. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >HR lady sends character an e-mail
    >he needs to put someone down as his emergency contact
    I get the main character pretending to be sick and leaving early but how is he going to get out of this?

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      just put the number for the local Wendy's

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I just put a random string of numbers. Nobody checks.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      He should have gotten a burner phone years ago

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      type in your deceased parents number
      or your best friend from the 9th grade you havn't spoken to in 15 years

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Put 1-800-MAN-c**t

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        a little zesty, wouldn't you say?

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >>he needs to put someone down as his emergency contact
      just put down the whitehouse switchboard number 1-202-456-6213

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >877-CASH-NOW

  4. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Guys hanging around the water cooler at work, talking sports. Character who just started approaches and take a Tupperware container of leftovers he made the night before from the fridge.

    “Hey man! Leftovers huh?”
    >yup
    “Your wife must be a pretty good cook for you to bring food from home every day.”
    >I’m not married but I like to cook
    “Damn bro, I don’t know how you aren’t married. My wife b***hes all the time because I won’t make dinner.”
    >eh, guess I just haven’t come across the right one yet
    “You just need to get out there. Plenty of fish in the sea you know!”
    >I'll catch em one of these days.

    As the character leaves he hears the guys talking.

    “Man, guys like that are just hopeless. If he hasn’t found a girl by know he ain’t every going to.”
    “I know what you mean. What a loser. Say, Sharon and I are having a cookout this weekend, how about y’all come over. Bring the kids and well play a few hands of poker.”

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >its a character's desk clump makes lunch plans without him again episode
      These are getting tough to watch.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Who calls it a "desk clump"?

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I didn't know what else to call it. Generally I don't call it anything.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I love the schizophrenia episodes.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      This is like something an alien who has only observed human behavior through tv and movies might write.

  5. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >come on bro, straighten up yourself, what if your 10/10 cutiepie wife would see you in this sorry state

  6. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    > sir, we've traced his phone records and have found something weird.
    > in the last 10 years, he's received exactly 4 phone calls; and three of them trace leaveitical pollsters.
    > in the same period, he hasn't made a single call, and his phone has never pinged more than 3 feet from the counter the phone was found on later

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >You're telling me we're dealing with the most dangerous hacker there is, then. I thought call logs were supposed to be unspoofable!
      >They are sir, but I'm afraid that the data is still true. Our steakout team hasn't reported anyone going in or out in the past two weeks either. If we can't get him out through a call, how else?
      >You computer nerds don't know how its done. See, back in MY day, we sent out a bombshell dame to knock on the door, get 'em boozed up, and they spill the beans just like that. Call in that intern that looks like Scarlit Yohannson; tell her "dress to impress".
      >B-but sir, what if...
      >No buts techie. Well, not for us, but maybe he'll get a peek if he plays his cards right.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        > Sir, I'm sorry it didn't work.
        > we sent her to his door like you suggested.
        > he just smiled and said N.H.N.D.
        > we have a team working on decoding that, but so far haven't come up with anything

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >Damnit. If he's giving out codenames, then he must've thought she was in on whatever conspiracy group he's involved in. They're all talking through AIM right? So you couldn't know if they were a girl... Wait a minute...
          >Chief, we've finally got in contact with the costume compan-
          >I SAID WAIT A MINUTE!..

          >Alright, time for Plan B. Have you got this sicko's browsing history pulled yet?
          >It was a simple matter of refractoring the elliptic cypher and downloading more RAM to the mainfr-
          >In english, son.
          >Yes. Based on analysis, it seems Anon has a thing for... Oh...
          >What? Is he a homo? We also have the intern that looks like Brad Pitt.
          >Sir... He's into women, but...
          >My God... Tell Acting Agent Yohansson she's going to need some dressing up and acting lessons... Forward this information to the support team. She's going back in in 3 hours.

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Hurry up and finish the story I have to poop.

            • 2 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              [SCRIPT NOTES: THE IDEA WAS THAT MULTIPME RANDOM SCREENWRITERS ON THIS BOARD OF EXPERIENCED CINEMA CONNOSEIURS WOULD PARTCIPATE IN WRITING THE STORY, WITH ONE INTENTIONALLY LEAVING WHAT SUSPECT "Anon" IS INTO FOR THE NEXT POSTER SO THEY COULD TAKE THE IDEA AND RUN WITH IT]
              [POST SCRIPTUM: THIS DID NOT WORK BRECAUSE REFUSED TO TAKE A SHIT AND THEN COME BACK LATER, OR EVEN CONTRIBUTED TO THE COLLABORATIVE WRITING PROJECT]

              • 2 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                > sir.. we sent someone to the location disguised as a postal carrier. He was able to take a single photograph of the interior of the house. Here it is.

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >Chief, preperations are complete. She's got the full... "kit". They found clothes that fit aswell.
            >Maybe you geeks are good for something after all. Did you fax over that training manual you found?
            >Manual..? Oh, you mean... Yes, sir. She memorized it to a T. The team is just waiting for your order.
            >This is Arbuckle Prime, we are go for... how do you pronounce that? Screw it. Commence Operation Whatever-that-jap-crap-means.

            • 2 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              > the name was Bohemia; Operation Bohemia. It was named after a Sherlock Holmes novel
              > at 2:14pm, Agent Yohansson, this time dressed as an amazon delivery driver, pulled up three doors down from the subject house
              > as she crossed the subject house on the sidewalk toward the neighbors house, three masked men in a car screeched to a halt in front of her
              > physically attacking her, they stole her keys and amazon computer. As two of the men rushed away to steal the amazon truck, the third pistol whipped agent Yohansson, before rushing back into getaway car and speeding away
              > in pain, and bleeding from the head, agent Yohansson collapsed directly in front of the subject house, whispering "help me" shortly before she passed out

            • 2 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              >Alright. Give me a status report, probie.
              >I can do you one better. Here's the live feed from the news chopper circling the suspect's location.
              >Can't see jack, are you going to refocus this or not? Zoom. Enhance. Zoom... Yes, right there. No, go back a little... Perfect. What in Jebediah's name is that outfit?
              >It's the one ordered from the off-broadway theater costumers to match his profile. Thankfully, there was a production of The Mikado in town--If there wasn't, we'd have to ask the other one running an all-white remake of The Color Purpl-
              >JUMPING JACK FLASH! He opened the door for a second and she's on top of him now?! Don't tell me, she's going for the arrest alreadt? Great work!
              >No sir, we still need incriminating evidence. The move was part of the documentation provided by the taste analysis. Here's a copy...
              >Hand that over!.. What in the...? A ninja..? Why is it drawn like a Chinese Steamboat Willie? The report you pulled up said rape, but... No... HE is the victim? Does it at least involve a strap-on? If he was fruity, at least that'd make sense!
              >No, sir. I'm afraid he's deep in wonderland. This 'doujin' he's reading involves this alternate dimension full of "monster" girls and magic, and the man is repeatedly taken advantage of for the pleasure of purely heterosexua-
              >If this is what browsing the "dark webs" does to a man.. Good grief. I'm going back to my office, call me when it's done. And one more thing: put out an APB on all online mentions of this "Monster Girl Encyclopedia". I'm calling Interpol.

  7. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >says here the suspect works in janitorial services
    >get me a copy of his last paycheck
    >sir….you’re gonna wanna take a look at this….

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Excuse me sir, if I may for just one moment. You say the man works in sanitation; and the postman has given us this photo

      > sir.. we sent someone to the location disguised as a postal carrier. He was able to take a single photograph of the interior of the house. Here it is.

      . My question is... where are his boots? Why are there no cleaning supplies seen?

      I have a cousin, and his son owns one of those car detailing companies. And if you look around his house, he's got bottles of cleaning fluid, rags. But what do we have here? You say the man works in sanitation. There's no cleaning supplies, there's now washcloths back from the laundry. There's not even a doormat for him to put his dirty boots when he comes home.

      You know sir, it's these small details that keep me up at night

  8. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Sir, these radical beliefs, I think they're a trick.
    >He spends all this time telling trannies to kill themselves, but two minutes later he's jerking off to them
    >We're being led in circles. He knows.

  9. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >at the kinoplex getting refill
    >cops in the lobby
    >apparently some drunk girl attacked a lady with a nail file
    >they ask me where my girlfriend is
    >say I don't have one, I'm here alone
    >his partner laughs
    >the escort me out and book me for violating the singles policy
    >they never even catch the girl
    >mfw

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