How the frick am I meant to mould my personality around this? What the frick was he thinking taking this role? Drive, BR2049, only God forgives.

How the frick am I meant to mould my personality around this? What the frick was he thinking taking this role? Drive, BR2049, only God forgives. All a cohesive personality package I could easily practice emulating - nothing too extravagant. Jackets, troubled, empathetic stares with a hint of sadness. Curt, economic use of words. I felt like Gosling was cultivating a career for fans like me, so I could follow in his footsteps. Sure, LaLa Land was a bit of a curveball but I went with it, got singing lessons, learned a bit of tap dancing and augmented my usual act with a cheerier sort of demeanour. But this? What the hell do I do with this? This is too hyperreal, it’s a cartoon. How the frick am I supposed to carry off plastic turbochad normalgay? At minimum
>working out
>developing social skills
>getting into “normal” hobbies
>being rich
>having a bimbo on my arm
And all that’s just to get me CLOSE to the headspace of Ken, that’s just the window dressing. I can inhabit all of Ryan’s rogues gallery psychologically - but to BE Ken, to really just be that perfect doll man - it’s almost like a state of super masculine care free meditation I need to master. I basically need to liquidate my actual self and start over. Why the frick would he do this to me?

Schizophrenic Conspiracy Theorist Shirt $21.68

Homeless People Are Sexy Shirt $21.68

Schizophrenic Conspiracy Theorist Shirt $21.68

  1. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    One time after work, I went to the local troony bar to unwind a bit and cruise for some bussy. I was sitting at the bar, chatting up one of the freaks, when her boyfriend interrupts our conversation. This little homosexual was wearing an overpriced designer wifebeater, was 5'6", had overly-manicured onions beard, and had the most tasteless, generic tribal tattoos one could imagine. This little homosexual was droning on about how I couldn't talk to his girl, I just ignored him and smiled as I sipped my Glenlivet. Clearly enraged I wasn't intimidated by his manlet screeching, he pushed my shoulder. I turn around and hit this homosexual with the force of a thousand suns, it was some super saiyan shit. It didn't stop there, I kept wailing on this inked-up manlet loser until his face looked like a plate of spaghetti. That homosexual went comatose and his half a moron to this day.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      >manlet hate post disguised as a troony hate post
      not cool, bro

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      You sound like a dork

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Uhh manlet bros?

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        LOL

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      That manlet was me, I was just trying to warn him that that girl was actually a man, and that he had aids, now I can't do math.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      are you a bot ? im a grown ass man 32years old and i wear a transformer jacket , kickbacks air jordans all black and an old samsung i5 while i get drunk in public and listen to 90 songs and jerk it to shemale porn at home while my wife is cleaning the house.
      now go be a pest elsewhere you absolute mongoloid devoid of any joy.

  2. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    He's literally me.

  3. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Barbie and Ken used to be Christian role models for young women everywhere. This movie glorifies lesbians and trannies, pure smut.

  4. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    this movie is for girls to jerk off to, it’s not for you

  5. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    I’ll treat this movie like notebook and the other movie where he frick a mannequin (tho i secretly liked it)

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Lars was kino and you fricking know it.

  6. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    why he show undies

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      it's what chads do. it's a mating display

  7. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    >hasn't started grinding to prepare for the new update
    uninstall your goose programming now

  8. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    >picking a Chad role so that his fanboys LARP as Chads
    based Goose

  9. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    The creator of these characters/dolls is a glowie.

  10. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Wait, I thought K died????

  11. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Can those israelites please stop trying to push this cryptoisraelite fugster as attractive.
    I'm not even a gay or bi and even I can tell he's always been fricking homely and awkward looking.

    Nevermind. This is going to be another Hollywood attempt at pushing homosexualry onto kids and teens

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Shut up

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      i would let this guy in my butthole and i'm straight. you're just wrong

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        I’m a homosexual and you’re just gay. He’s not attractive, body or face. At least use your closeted denial crush on someone better.

  12. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Epicsauce brx! Gosling and patrick bateman are so funny ever since my frens on discord and twitter told me about it

  13. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    you forgot his best one of all, The Place Beyond The Pines

  14. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    The Goose wants to challenge us. It's pretty admirable.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      It seems that... The Goose... is on the loose
      **YEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH**

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      This, i see it as tough love. I'm getting ready dad i mean goose.

  15. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    “You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.”

  16. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Look me in the eye and tell me you can't do it, anon.

  17. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    >Lars and the Real Girl: incel in love with a doll
    >Drive: Incel in love with a real doll
    >BR2049: Incel in love with a (hologram) doll
    >Barbie: Incel in love with a doll
    what's to figure out?

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      >Drive: Incel in love with a real doll
      What

  18. 2 years ago
    Anonymous
    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous
      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        Come on sneed, let's go feed
        Ah, ah, ah, yeah

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Klaus Barbie

  19. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    >having a Bimbo on my arm
    Sweetie, you need to BECOME the bimbo or should I say, Himbo

  20. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    You're mentally ill. Develop your own personality, moron.

  21. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Holy fricking KEK. Thank you anon. I haven't had a good laugh for sometime.

  22. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    kek anon your a legend also
    >Ken Boy Summer Simple As
    ill be checking out ophenhimer aswell

  23. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    he took the role so you can play the movie for girls to get horny to. be grateful

  24. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    What events could possibly lead to his inevitable final scene where he lies down slowly dying of stab wound?

  25. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Ken will go rogue and reveal his troubled subplot. Trust the plan

  26. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Will the Gray Man have a personality for us goose fans?

  27. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    >I felt like Gosling was cultivating a career for fans like me, so I could follow in his footsteps.
    He still is. Trust the plan, goosebros. I've already got a loan to put a down payment on my pink convertible and have thrown out all my t shirts.
    Next year will however be officially Ken Doll Summer I just don't want to be scrambling like the chumps.

  28. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    me? I never stopped emulating lars and the real girl.

  29. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Just wait. It will be Drive again but in pink car.

  30. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    5/10 shitpost

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      moron

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        Do you want a father or something, Jimmy?

  31. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Seriously man.. was he that desperate for a role?

  32. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Imagine living another life. I never expected anything from Cinemaphile after all and never will
    >G0YAP

  33. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    >I felt like Gosling was cultivating a career for fans like me, so I could follow in his footsteps
    A worthless piece of shit who is afraid to talk to women?

  34. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    GOOSEBROS WHY DID HE BETRAY US!?!?!?

  35. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    >This is too hyperreal, it’s a cartoon.
    homie it's a fricking BARBIE movie

  36. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Does Ken even have a personality?

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      He drives

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      He's Barbie's boyfriend and uhhhh

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        He has no penis

  37. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    what is this movie going to be, anyway?
    my israelite-fried brain can't think of anything but a "clever deconstruction of what Barbie means in current year" making her out to represent everything wrong with Amerikkka
    so I try to think what the sincere version of a Barbie movie would be
    would there be a villain?
    would there be danger?
    would there be any arguments or drama between Barbie & Ken?
    what does Cinemaphile think the best way to make a Barbie movie that treats the IP with some respect and tries to please the audience?

  38. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Can’t wait for the Drive copypastas but Driver is replaced with Ken.

  39. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    OP, the Goose is sending us a clear message. Our days of sulking must end. We must embrace life and grow up. You can do it OP. We all can do it. The Goose believes in us. Don't squander this chance.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      This. Just enjoy life. Do what you like and don't let negativity hinder you. If you can't get something right the first time just keep going at it. Enjoy movies instead of picking them apart. Enjoy silly things in life. Don't hide behind irony just fricking laugh!

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      I'm already grown up. you're going to have to be more specific.

  40. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    >becoming a ken doll like fricktoy for women
    Looks like I was ahead of the curve and been behaving this way ever since my prostitute gf dumped me

  41. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    You can start by working out and getting a tan
    It's a summer personality package

  42. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    For me at least, It's like seeing The Rock play a Tooth Fairy. It's funny because I'm not used to seeing him take that type of role, which is a gag in and of itself.
    Anyway enjoy your new himbo life, OP. Remember to contract your abdomen and control your breathing during bicep curls to help with your technique.

  43. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Lol

  44. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    >How the frick am I supposed to carry off plastic turbochad normalgay? At minimum
    out
    social skills
    into “normal” hobbies
    rich
    a bimbo on my arm
    Thats the ultimate challenge to you.
    Can you pull it off? Can you BECOME ken?

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      i thought it was more about
      >showing maximum wiener buldge
      >getting super shreded and wearing almost no clothes
      >haveing 0 personality
      >just being a walking frick doll

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *