I, Kinodius

He had thought, in his divine innocence, that the roads might be lined with cheering crowds; he had thought that the streets might be strewn with flowers; he had thought that there'd be messages to greet him telling him of triumphs to be awarded. And what did he find, this conqueror of the Germans, this victor of the mighty Neptune? The streets empty of crowds and flowers, no triumphs rewarded, no games, no celebrations--but three miserable, old, ex-counsels waiting at the gates to meet him, and a room full of cowardly, stay-at-home senators who have spent all their time in the theatre and in the baths, while he has spent six months, living no better than a private soldier!?
>But Jove, you ordered no triumphs!
Well, of course I ordered no triumphs, do you think I'd ordered triumphs for myself?!
>But you ordered us not to order any!
Yessssss, and you took me at my word, didn't you? Typical! It didn’t occur to you that I might be leaving it up to you for your love to show itself freely; didn't occur to you that it might be my natural humility speaking! "I ordered you not to celebrate". But you ordered celebrations for the anniversary of Actiom, didn't you? Didn't forget to celebrate the defeat of my great-grandfather, Marc Antony! How many bottles of wine did you open, toasting his murder while I was doing battle with the sea?

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  1. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Cinemaphile chuds would have gone wild with Caligula's crossdressing scene.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Legit skipped it.

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        I don't even remember it

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          Not my most difficult wank

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            Gay

  2. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    >It wasn't worth it, was it? Even I could've told you that...

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      That scene blew my mind.

  3. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    this thread is not of the true CVLIGVLV WHO WAS BEFORE THE WORLD WAS AND IS AND SHALL BE AGAIN and is thereby BLASHPEMY

    all posters are to be sent to the spinning death blade parade

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      god that thing looked really scary and cruel

  4. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    I like Graves' view that Caligula was some kind of cocaine addict.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      No he just got sick and his brain melted, making him insane

  5. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    IN TEN YEARS, FIFTY DAYS AND THREE
    CLAU CLAU CLAUDIUS SHALL HE GIVEN BE
    A GIFT...that all desire but he

  6. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    >A man should keep himself clean, not have slaves do it.
    >And how is he supposed to scrape his own back?
    >He gets his brother to do it
    >And if hasn't got a brother?
    >Gets his son
    >And if hasn't got a son?
    >Gets his friend
    >And if hasn't got a friend?
    >Then he should go and hang himself
    >I've tried it. Better to have a slave scrape your back.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      >And don't think you can get around it by getting engaged to 9 year old girls, I know that dodge!

  7. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    SNEEDVS OIPVS
    WHERE ARE MY FVCKING EAGLEEEEEEES

  8. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    I watched circa the first 9 episodes until all the notable historical figures had died. Don't feel any need to see the rest

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Legit skipped it.

      You're moronic

  9. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    My grandmother had this on VHS when I was a kid, I'd watch them with her whenever I went to visit. I miss her bros

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      It is but a short step to the ferry. A short pull across the river. And then...

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        Thanks anon

  10. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Claudius was just pretending to be moronic all along, bullshit

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      He was a sucker for pussy

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      >hey Claudius, if you don't want to be killed horribly by your own family make sure to pretend to be moronic!
      >okay, that's good advice, thanks
      This happens multiple times and as Claudius is not actually a fricking moron he listens to good counsel.

  11. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    >Sea shells?!

  12. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Your emperor has returned but with this in his hand.

  13. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    If you'll excuse me I must dilate myself

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      >cross dressing properly shown as a mental illness.

  14. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    *gives the performance of a lifetime in your path*

  15. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    No sejanus posts yet?

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      What an eccentric fellow you are

  16. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Is this kino? I like the book so far

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      I really enjoyed it, and I typically get filtered by older media.
      Livia is kino
      Caligula is kino
      Claudius can be kino
      It's basically a sequel to Rome (I understand it's loosely based on history so obviously, but what I mean is the shows are pretty similar actually)

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