if you were dropped into the lord of the rings universe around the time of bilbo's farewell party, what would you do?

if you were dropped into the lord of the rings universe around the time of bilbo's farewell party, what would you do?

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  1. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    eat and drink a lot, have a good time at a banging party.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      This. Safest place was the shire.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        I would sell heroin to Hobbits and tell them it's a better version of pipe weed

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          Hobbits are pure, no drugs

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            Nicotine is a drug and the hobbits couldn't get enough of it

            • 1 month ago
              Anonymous

              put pcp in a hobbit's pipe and do the training day speech

              >sherms. dust. PCP. primos. p-dog

              • 1 month ago
                Anonymous

                Gollum is essentially what hobbits would become after becoming addicts.
                Imagine whole villages of them sneakily stealing stuff to support their habits, hobbit skinny women fricking like lizards in red light districts of Gondor and deep shafts of dwarven mines.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            They love smoking and drinking and eating. Theyre addicts.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          there are no sackler hobbits

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            There will be once I arrive

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          I love heroin so much bros

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        The Shire gets briefly taken over though.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          That would be a valid point if we we're discussing this on Cinemaphile, but that shit never happens in the movies. Checkmate, NERD.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Ya just stay there and chill while the nerds do all the work. They finished just fine without me, if I got involved I might muck it up so I'm going to stay back and play with the Hobbit b***hes hairy feet.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Why can't we have hobbit parties irl?

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      imagine being surrounded by 3-foot tall women with big, smelly feet

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      This
      Vibe out in the shire and give zero fricks as this is the movie universe not the books

  2. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Probably die. The fellowship is entirely made up of legendary figures besides the hobbits themselves, but they get high level magical hand outs to compensate for that. Normie peasants have no chance.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      do i still remember the plot of the books and my life back in normie earth?

      start screaming and crying and pissing my pants

      nobody's making you carry the one ring. you could just be the tallest dude in hobbiton for a while. or if you want powerups there are plenty of mostly evil artifacts scattered around the north. you could be a wraith. lots of cool jobs in middle earth

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        All of middle earth is affected by sauron's return. The shire gets fricked because of sarumon but he only went there because of events that happened thanks to sauron and the ring. No where is safe besides maybe lothlorian (which outsiders aren't allowed in)

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          Nonsense, the blue mountains are perfectly safe, and the dwarves may even let you stay there if you made yourself useful. Lindon was a large realm that was completely safe as well, though the elves may not let you stay. And bree was safe I believe during the war of the ring.
          Besides Saruman attacking the shire (and I doubt he attacked all of it, like Buckland) Eradior was pretty safe

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            just because the group never travels to Lindon and such doesn't mean it was safe. There are still orcs/goblins roaming around, trolls, and randoms hidden away. Sauron has spies everywhere watching. You might get picked up just because you stand out from everyone else.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        when did I say anything about a ring?

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >Normie peasants have no chance
      I was thinking this while rewatching RotK recently, pretty much everybody who rode out into battle got slaughtered. Even the survivors who rode out to the Black Gate with Aragorn got whittled down even further in the ensuing fight.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      i would be boromir who tries to betray the party, starts crying when i come to, and then gets 3 arrows in the chest

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        Id come as well

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >Normie peasants have no chance
      I was thinking this while rewatching RotK recently, pretty much everybody who rode out into battle got slaughtered. Even the survivors who rode out to the Black Gate with Aragorn got whittled down even further in the ensuing fight.

      >Uhh I would… Le die!
      Are you stupid? Living in Lotr universe isn’t basically any different from living in the middle age as a normal human, just imagine how it was to live then

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        I forgot all the history lessons involving orcs, trolls, wraiths on flying reptiles and literal fallen angels attacking regular humans. Could you give me a quick reminder?

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        Damn near everybody died you ugly woman, it was the end of the world.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          Aragorn hadn't invented levée en masse yet so the actual losses among the populace were quite minor.

  3. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    No China means the origin of goldfish is up for grabs, I'll start the Middle Earth ornamental fish trade.

  4. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    start screaming and crying and pissing my pants

  5. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    grind level 1 goblins and become rich

  6. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    hobbit wife

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      I'd cuck Sam and frick Rosie Cotton

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        Rosie knows an idiot when she sees one. I don't run Sam needs to worry.

  7. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Do a 360 degrees turn and go back.

  8. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    id bardmaxx and start whoring around until i died of full blown aids

  9. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I'd abuse Tom Bombadil's hospitality until he gets so fed up with me he personally tosses me to the barrow-wights.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      only correct answer, neet off of Bombadil, and rapestare at that Dingleberry fairy that lives with him.

  10. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I would go east and find those blue wizards. Wtf is their problem?

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      They were gay homos with matching outfits. gays have no cares for future generations and so to them their mission was only an inconvenience at worst or an excuse to mingle with mortals at best.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        >They were gay homos with matching outfits. gays have no cares for future generations and so to them their mission was only an inconvenience at worst or an excuse to mingle with mortals at best.

        Wonder if the blue wizards invented meth and poppers

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >THAT'S RIGHT wienerSUCKER GO BACK TO NEW JERSEY

  11. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    go get a nice little place in buckland and wait for all of this to blow over

  12. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Stay in the shire by finding some job I could do that would keep me as far from the unfolding EPIC NARRATIVE of Dildo gaygins and his progeny/associates as possible. I’d probably train with some ale brewer or librarian so I don’t have to do as much farm-level labor as some potato pusher. Then, I’d retire comfortably with some femboy hobbit bf and drink 1296 wine while watching the moon rise above the tranquil hills.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      go get a nice little place in buckland and wait for all of this to blow over

      Wouldn't you guys get scoured at the end?

  13. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    introduce steam engine to dwarfs and watch how they bring doom upon the whole world in barely 200 years or so

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Do you know how to build a steam engine powerful ebough to perform useful mining or industrial tasks?

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        I'm sure the dwarves could build one. they seem to most likely party to pitch stuff to.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          Not in the 3rd age. They have lost most of their technology and forging secrets by the time lotr takes place

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            like pic related?

            • 1 month ago
              Anonymous

              is that some kangs of power nonsense?

              • 1 month ago
                Anonymous

                some advanced forging technique

              • 1 month ago
                Anonymous

                some of the stuff in these movies is great but it makes me crazy how they call Óin and Glóin "Oin and Gloin"
                like, holy shit

              • 1 month ago
                Anonymous

                What the frick else would they call them?

              • 1 month ago
                Anonymous

                40 k
                Sauron - emperor of mankind
                ArAgorn h Horus
                Rebel primarchs - fellowship of ring
                Ring - golden throne
                Elves - elves
                Orks - orks
                If that helps

            • 1 month ago
              Anonymous

              wouldn't the force break your hand?

              • 1 month ago
                Anonymous

                you mean the hand that's holding a piece of glowing metal?

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        Not in detail but I know how they work so I would figure it out.

  14. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I would go LARP as a king in Fornost and hang out with the rangers. I'm charismatic enough that they would accept my hijinks, like this guy https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Norton

  15. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    kick a helmet for about an hour until i decide to hit it with my toe and then scream on the ground as it shatters in tiny pieces of bone piercing my foot

  16. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Movie continuity or book continuity? This is very important as to whether I go to the Shite or not.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      I'd say book continuity.

  17. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Warn Aragorn not to kick the helmet so he doesn't break his toe

  18. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Go straight to Mordor and warn Sauron about Frodos plan to sneak his way into Mordor through Shelobs cave. I'd be the israelite of lotr

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Thats Grima's job though

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >siding against Eru
      moron!

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        What's he gonna do? Shoot me?

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          *despite having advantage, fate, in a million tiny imperceptible ways conspires against you, leading to your downfall in a poetic way*
          due to omnipresence it was deeply personnel, child

  19. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Just chill in/near the Shire.
    Try to avoid Saruman late war.

  20. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Steal the ring, put it in my wiener, hollowman style frick all the busty Hobbits.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      i'm pretty sure gollum is still find you follow you and bite your dick off in your sleep

  21. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    file my tax return as soon as possible

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      ayyy
      what would your tax policy be?

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        No less than 12% VAT on second breakfasts, elevensies and afternoon tea

  22. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    All of you want to frick Hobbits but you don't realize how much shit they produce. Tiny creatures that eat 12 times a day?!? They will spend half their lives on the fricking toilet. No wonder Gandalf was so on edge with Pippin

  23. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I'd try to marry my way into Brandy hall. There's supposed to be hundreds of occupants living there under that one hill. Feels like the Kowloon of the Shire. Plus there's comfy Bree not too far away.

  24. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    do you think if you're small enough the hobbits would accept you? bandobras took the largest hobbit ever was like 4'5

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >Jack Black that short

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      there is no way wolverine is more than 6 feet

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >the rock says he's 6'4 200 lbs
      >this basically gave me body dysmorphia in my 20s as those measurements at his bodyfat is basically impossible
      the little rat is 6'1, 6'2 tops

  25. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Walk up to Gandalf, tell him to trust me because I've already seen the movie and ask him to attach the ring to one of the eagles and have it go on a kamikaze mission into Mordor

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      you know, it's horseshit but I actually do wonder what gandalf would respond

  26. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >dropped in the shire
    Just live life normally until the ring gets destroyed and keep my head down until frodo and the hobbits save the shire
    >dropped anywhere else
    probably die

  27. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I think the nine missed ring by few hours
    would await them and tell them I know everything and that I need to speak to sauron himself
    And I would tell him everything.
    That their objective is the destruction of the ring not to rule with it as he keeps thinking.
    That elves really accept that and are reading to leave.
    Would tell him about the dead ghost army that those tunnels need to be seal so that they can not be called to help and murder magically his entire army.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      I would teach Sauron how to make meth
      Imagine methed up Uruk Hai charging Minas Tirith driven by desire to frick hobussy in 12 hour frickests.
      Unstoppable.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      I personally wouldn't tell Sauron anything. I would listen, and that's what no maia did.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      why is LOTR fan art so gay and ugly? thank god alan lee exists. stop posting this shit

  28. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >You serve sauron
    What reward you ask of him.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >so tell me, did you really frick galadriel?

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >meat
      >tax forgiveness
      >galadriel feet

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Ask him to turn back into his femboy form and spend the rest of my life eating his bussy.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Hot elf slave wife

  29. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    While I'd be worried about accidentally making things worse, I would try to do everything I can to keep more people alive. At the same time I'd want to enjoy myself in the shire a little bit.

    Warn Gandalf that Saruman has lost it, hopefully resulting in him getting back to the Fellowship sooner. I know my soft 21st century ass isn't cut out for the Fellowship so after Rivendell I'm not sure what I'd do to help. Maybe go with the blue wizards and try to keep the Haradrim from falling under Sauron's influence, because those guys clearly fumbled it.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      it's implied that the blue wizards actually fell a while ago and are now serving sauron actually. you literally just did a gandalf

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        Ah frick, so there's two evil wizards running around unaccounted for?

        Well, I've found my role in the story now.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          yeah supposedly the blue wizards were the bad guys of the that sequel tolkien was writing. creating secret cults and such.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            No? The "bad guy" in the unfinished sequel is literally time diminishing the threat of sauron, to the point that kids are playing as orcs raiding around

            • 1 month ago
              Anonymous

              there's a secret cult the kid pippin was friends with in the books gets invited to as an old man. he's supposed to meet a guy in front of a house at night. he talks about smelling the old stench again, so it's definitely not just kids playing as orcs. even if that happens too.

              • 1 month ago
                Anonymous

                >I did begin a story placed about 100 years after the Downfall, but it proved both sinister and depressing. Since we are dealing with Men it is inevitable that we should be concerned with the most regrettable feature of their nature: their quick satiety with good. So that the people of Gondor in times of peace, justice and prosperity, would become discontented and restless — while the dynasts descended from Aragorn would become just kings and governors — like Denethor or worse. I found that even so early there was an outcrop of revolutionary plots, about a centre of secret Satanistic religion; while Gondorian boys were playing at being Orcs and going around doing damage. I could have written a 'thriller' about the plot and its discovery and overthrow — but it would have been just that. Not worth doing.
                >secret satanistic religion

                >Borlas grows tired of the conversation, but Saelon wishes to continue their discussion of the nature of growing evil. Saelon claims that it couldn't have been memories of Saelon's childhood mischief that began their discussion of the Dark Tree, saying that he must have heard of Herumor. Saelon goes on to say that a growing number of people are not content in the days after the death of the Great King. Borlas asks what the growing unrest plans to accomplish, to which Saelon asks how Borlas came to know the name of Herumor in the first place. After some disagreement on who should answer first, Saelon offers to tell Borlas all that he wishes to know if he joins him after nightfall clad in black. With this offer, Saelon takes his leave of Borlas's garden.
                >Left alone, Borlas thinks of his son Berelach, a friend of Saelon, and of news from the Ethir Anduin of ships disappearing. He returns into his home, smelling as it would seem the scent of old Evil returning to the world.

              • 1 month ago
                Anonymous

                >I could have written a 'thriller' about the plot and its discovery and overthrow
                i would have read it tolkien you hack

              • 1 month ago
                Anonymous

                reminder that GRRM only released a single(already near finished) book after this letter was made public, the fact Tolkien had already started writing the idea ASOIAF was based around but realized it was moronic completely mindbroke GRRM. That's why Winds of Winter will never be finished, even from the grave Tolkien mogged GRRM one final time

              • 1 month ago
                Anonymous

                I never thought about it being like game of thrones but you're right.

  30. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I would fast travel to they grey havens and suck so much elf dick that they would let me come with them on their ship eventually. Win or lose, it would be worth it

  31. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    did you guys go watch the LOTR re runs in theaters yesterday? watched fellowship with my gf yesterday, peak 2000’s

  32. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    stay home with fatty taking turns on rosie

  33. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    You really don't need to do anything considering it all works out in the end. I'd even be cautious of reaching out to Gandalf to warn him about Saruman, for fear of something like a butterfly effect that ends up hurting the end result more than helping.

  34. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I would frick some femboy hobbit so hard every night and smoke DANK weed with some fricking wizard.

  35. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Tell Gandalf to just go ahead and destroy the ring now instead of waiting 17 years

  36. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Pledge allegiance to Sauron and Hoffman up the Shire.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      you don't pledge allegiance to Hoffman
      he's a serve
      you lost me Hoffman poster

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        Hoffman has no interest in ruling Middle Earth. He's just here for the game.

  37. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    whatever honest and necessary to get me to pay fricking taxes i guess

  38. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >what would you do?

    Goldberry.

  39. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I would start an acting troupe and all of our shows would be plagiarized from irl sitcoms and shit and become a famous court jester to King Elessar after the war, adapting his experiences into an epic drama with added comedy scenes like Legolas surfing on a shield while shooting arrows and real people's names replaced with tongue in cheek parodies like Sauronman.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      I bet orc minstrel shows were popular in the early fourth age

  40. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I would join the hobbits/fellowship for the sole purpose of generating lulz and hoping id live through it by some of the fellowships plot armor extending to me by being close to them.
    >Hiding from the black rider with the hobbits
    >Let a fat fricking fart rip
    >Get to prancing pony
    >Start a barfight so we get thrown out
    >Make a huge bonfire on weathertop so frodo cant even put it out
    >Bring Strider poison ivy when he asks for that healing herb
    >Spread racebait rumors to the elfs n dwarves before the council of elrond begins so theyll be extra pissed
    >At the actual council of elrond, propose the dumbest most outlandish ideas towards the whole ring problem
    >Smear gimlis beard with shit when he sleeps and sprinkle lembas bread over it so he thinks its legolas
    >Start calling gandalf a moron for not being able to get the door of moria open
    >Wait for him to get wise with me and tell me to open it if im so smart
    >Proceed to say "Mellon" with a shit eating grin
    >Make sure to walk at the very end of the fellowship when passing through moria
    >Constantly make loud noises n cause things to fall down
    >blame it on whoever was in front of me
    >Cut off legolas arrowheads in spare time
    >Tell Frodo his sword is shining constantly just to watch him panic
    >Take a piss in galadriels sink
    >Shake the boat during the river trip
    >Tell Aragorn my dad could build better statues when we pass em

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >>At the actual council of elrond, propose the dumbest most outlandish ideas towards the whole ring problem
      someone post Boromir's solution

  41. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    GTFO to the west as far away of the concerning "troubles" from the East
    and find on my way a qt very hairy female hobbit

  42. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I'd tell Elrond he's a fricking moron for not making Glorfindel lead the fellowship.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      why didn't they send a rivendale elf? are they so lazy?

  43. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    LET THE LAIRD OF THE BLACK LAND COME FAIRTH

  44. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Press charges on Aragorn for the cold blooded murder of mouth-guy

  45. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    best case scenario is ending up washing dishes in bree or something, could be worse

  46. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >Use my foreknowledge of events to write several songs about the story and characters.
    >Race to characters prior to them being involved in the story
    >Coax them into singing the songs that I wrote when the plot (Frodo) catches up to them
    >Turns the story into a shitty musical
    >The movies flop before the 3rd one can be made and I get freed and return to the normal world after Saruman falls

  47. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Spend my time in the Shire and breed prime hairy hobitussy 24/7 and when Saruman tries to sneak in and start industrializing I immediately turn everyone against him using my authority of the chief breeder in charge.

  48. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Bust into Bilbo's home and steal the Ring obviously.

  49. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    hang out in the shire and make sure rosie cotton is pregnant by the time sam returns

  50. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Well, seeing as I have an entire decade before Gandalf gets back to the shire, I guess start training hardcore

  51. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Warn them about 9-11

  52. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    im going to watch the hobbit movies tonight for the first time

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      good luck dude. I wanted to like them but they just aren't that good.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      I just watched them for the first time this week as someone who read and loved The Hobbit as a child and they are complete dogshit
      Added a bunch of totally unnecessary shit and cameos from people who have no bearing on the story
      I laughed out loud when Elrond appeared, I laughed when Saruman appeared, when they openly discuss Sauron I chuckled a bit, but when major parts of the story involved fricking LEGOLAS, it stopped being funny
      The Hobbit is an excellent story, much better than Hackson or any of these Hollywood producers could ever write if their lives depended on it, it really didn't need all this extra shit
      The characters manage to be in danger and exciting action scenes in the book all without dropping in a one armed white orc antagonist for THREE films who does fricking NOTHING because he can't because he isn't in the original story. So for the final battle he's literally stuck up a tower all day looking menacingly (as menacing as bad CGI can look) down at our heroes

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        >I laughed out loud when Elrond appeared
        elron hubbard was in the book

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        The thing that actually made me laugh out loud in the cinema was "BECAUSE IT WAS REAL"
        Nobody bought that forced love story lol
        Also THAT legolas scene

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      dumb fun kino

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Hope you like em. I really like the first one

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous
    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      I'm so sorry

  53. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    sex a hobbit and live out my life in the shire

  54. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I’ve memorised a lot of hitchens and dawkins so i’d go to rivendell and lothlorien and convince the elves that eru is a nonsensical notion that can’t coherently exist. I watch their pious little society disappear in a puff of logic. I then let humans settle their magical lands and actually use the trees and resources to their advantage, telling them to collect samples of gunpowder from the urukhai and learn to produce it, and then I introduce the idea of canon and musket fire. Probably heralded as some sort of wizard, I explain that no, i’m just a man, and that reason and science can lift men above wizards who are no longer needed to “guide” (manipulate) society. I explain how hereditary monarchy and feudalism is an exploitative, bullshit system and that democratic and egalitarian societies are provably more stable and prosperous, a bit like the hobbits. I channel resources away from ritual bullshit and temples and into an academy of alchemists who I introduce the scientific method to. Gondor is now secular, efficient, technologically advanced and free. The kingdom is defended, whereupon I make a peace treaty with the orcs and sauron, stipulating a free exchange of ideas and labour and the boundaries of our lands. I encourage trade, I learn more science and tech from sauron. The ring is studied by the new college of scientists in gondor until we can deduce its empirical properties. The feudal barbarians calling for orc genocide are jailed and a program of education is undertaken, making them useful labour for the kingdom. Eru stomps his non existent feet in a fit of rage and everyone lives happily ever after

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Is that a wiener?

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        good job sherlock, you have functioning eyes

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      hey man, gonna need the source for that pic
      thanks

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      cringiest post ever

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >democratic
      >happily ever after
      Lol. Society is going down the drsin thanks to democracy

  55. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >stick with boromir
    >bring 2 shields

  56. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >don't go through the mines of Moria, for fricks sake

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      good advice mr sauron

  57. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I'd cuck Elewen by fricking her dad

  58. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >take the ring
    >put it on
    >meet lord Sauron and tell him everything
    >wait for the wraiths to pick me up on my new cool flying lizard

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >>wait for the wraiths to pick me up on my new cool flying lizard

      Cue heavy metal 80s music

  59. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    i'd try to rape an elf

  60. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Go to the Blue Mountains and hope the dwarves accept me. I don't wanna deal with Sauron's hordes

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      So like, those Dwarves are right on the coast. Surely they must have had a large navy?

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        What would they need a navy for?

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          protecting their trade interests and coasts from pirates
          btfoing elf navies
          fishing

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            That does make sense yeah

  61. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I wouldn’t do anything to affect the story as any slight change would disrupt the will of Eru Iluvatar and bring doom to the peoples of Middle Earth

  62. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Steal the ring, turn invisible and rape Eva Green

  63. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Invent guns

  64. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    rape

  65. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    learn to garden, smoke longbottom leaf, out drink everyone, probably still not be able to get a hobbit gf.

  66. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >eat literally anything
    >dies from diarrhea
    it's how i imagine living in the middle age would go for me

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Thats me now though

  67. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    go to Rivendell and refuse to leave it.

  68. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    all these homosexuals in the thread thinking they can freely hang out in the fricking shire

  69. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Introduce firearms to Middle earth so no one is marching to war with a pointy stick.

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