It would be wise, my friend.
You're not my friend, buddy
You're not my wizard, Istari
You're not my Istari, maiar.
You’re not my Maiar, Ainur
You're not my buddy, guy!
>Sauron has returned?
>I must seek the advice of my friend, Sauronman
>sauron has returned! I must go consult my friend sauron-man!
Pro tip: if you tell an actually original joke you don't have to be in such a hurry to beat other posters to it
Still waiting for your original joke, anon. Oh you have none and just want to complain? Wow how brave you are.
what do you call a couple of naggers fucking? fucking naggers!
>HOW DARE YOU CRITICISE MY REPETITION OF A JOKE WHEN YOU ARENT MAKING A JOKE YOURSELF
Do you only say that a movie is bad when making a movie yoruself?
>Saruman originally had a white robe, was not yet corrupted, called Saruman the White
>Saruman changes his robe to one of many colors, now called Saruman of many Colors
What did Tolkien mean by this?
>Saruman reveals his fancy chromatic shifting robe expecting Gandalf to be awestruck
>Gandalf just blankly says he preferred the white
Saruman was a member of the lgbtqia+ wizarding community along with dumbledore and merlins brother quizel.
gay marriage should be illegal
shows how fuckin poorly read and borderlime illiterate the zoomers that post here now are that all the replies are gay jokes cause all they consume is matt walsh and shapiro ranting about fags when this is clearly a biblical reference, you could easily make a raimi anti semitism joke but nah rainbow = gay must seethe
> We must join with Him, Gandalf. We must join with Soros
Gandalf the friend?
Gandalf the homosexual!
Gandalf the gray?
Gandalf the gay!
Gandalf the white?
Gandalf the shite
Gandalf the he?
Gandalf the she!
Gandalf the Wise?
Gandalf the retard
BILBO BAGGINS! DO NOT TAKE ME FOR SOME CONJURER OF CHEAP TRICKS
>he says while literally conjuring a cheap trick
I am pretty sure Gandalf could've mashed Bilbo like a bunch of potatoes with that cheap trick.
d-did you just say
Wasn't really that much of a trick, he just stood up in front of a manlet. It genuinely inspires that much dread in them
>genuinely and fully non-figuratively draining the very light from the world out of anger
>a cheap trick
Yeah Gandalf was pretty lame ngl. Only magic he did was make stuff brighter
He tanked a Balrog's hits then defeated it 1v1. A Balrog that destroyed a whole Dwarven Kingdom and terrified anyone else too much to go there.
A BALROG OF MORDOR
>broke the bridge
>stabbed in the neck
Gimli could probably kill it
Yeah maybe tbh. Some of the elves at Gondolin were taking down Balrogs like it was Dynasty Warriors
Which means in theory he could go full anime on an army or Orcs and Uruks but choses to hold back.
why didnt gandalf just teleport frodo into the lava
Why didn't Gandalf ask Pippin to ask Gandalf to ask Treebeard to find Frodo and ask Frodo to ask Treebeard to throw Frodo 27,000 leagues across the air right into Mt.Doom and as he sinks into the lava the last thing you see is that gay knowing smile of his and then Gollum takes Frodo's place and starts dressing like Frodo and has sex with Sam and then he goes to the Undying Lands with Gandalf and the Horse and the Matrix badguy and live happily ever after BRAVO BILBO?!
dildo faggins of the shire
What happened to the trillion dollar chainmail? Did The Sackville-Baggins inherit it?
gandy took it and traded it for some grog after the battle
And in my first act of diplomacy as the head of state, I will kill the first foreign ambassador within just a few seconds of meeting him.
Doesn't count, not in the cinema cut
Rules do not apply when you're dealing with some mutant representing some hellspawn
So why does Spain get an embassy?!
Spain needs to show how actual humans look like to the US.
He insulted him a little bit
Nah nah he didn’t insult nobody
Real greaseball shit.
He got a little out of order himself
He was just breaking his balls a bit and Aragorn got fucking fresh
The mouth of Sauron was a fellow Numenorean and therefore a race traitor who deserved the rope.
We just had a thread about this. Hackson portrayed him incorrectly.
What was his problem anyways? It seems he was pissed about the other wizards even before arriving in Middle Earth.
What was his problem anyways? It seems he was pissed about the other wizards even before arriving in Middle Earth.
>I do not share power.
in the book Mouth was just a human, and they didnt kill him they just told him to fuck off
He was a Black Numenorean necromancer second only to Sauron himself. The only just thing about him is how he got offed.
There used to be a word for that, but none now live who dare speak it
>The N-Word is owned by the Uruk-Hai alone, it has no other massa!
Mordor had no claim to statehood.
just like Palestine !
Have you tried not being an unbearable autist who posts the same thread over and over?
He said the n-word.
In his defend, it was black.
In name only.
Aragorn's Kingdom of Gondor and Arnor doesn't negotiate with terrorist governments.
That still only counts as one!
>moments before disaster
why he so smug
We don't negotiate with dark lords
Sauron does not have the divine right of kings. Eru blessed Elessar with the right to destroy his enemies by any means necessary.
If bilbo hadn't given up the ring would gandalf tear him to shreads
>I will send five maiar to Middle-Earth locked into the form of wizards, they will help guide the people there and prevent Sauron's evil schemes
>Two of them immediately fuck off to parts unknown and are never heard of again
>One just hangs around in a forest all the time doing nothing
>One, ostensibly the leader, turns evil and starts plotting to become the next Sauron
>The last one while somewhat of a doofus who likes wandering around talking to weirdos and halflings, does actually make key friendships, alliances and help counter Sauron
Wow, fucking great choices from among the maiar, Manwe.
>>Two of them immediately fuck off to parts unknown and are never heard of again
But what did they really do?
>kill all the tall people
>can only send manlets to help Sauron
Sounds like they were just fucking around tbh senpai
They actually did shit, that's cool
so they were the tolkien version of rl hermetics?
why didn't we get a cool story arc involving the zoroastrian/pre-islam ottoman empire portion of middle earth with the blue wiazrds?
Because the only real attempt at a 2nd age piece of media we'll likely ever get got turned from a globe spanning look at Arda to seeing how racially diverse even the tiniest shit village in proto-Europe is via Amazon executives.
That could have been a nice setting for the amazon series. But all tv is soulless
They went to China and either started dragon cults worshipping morgoth or acted like Gandalf stirring up rebellion. The lotr is written from the perspective of bilbo, Frodo and Sam and what research they could do. If Gandalf didn’t know post Sauron’s death they wouldn’t
>Great Manwe, I'm having some concerns about one of my smiths, Sauron. He's showing some minor obsessive qualities and a slight touch of megalomania. Just last century I told him to stop making so many goddamn rings and make something new, and I heard him muttering about how the forge would be run much better if he were ruler of all Arda. It's all a little Melkorish.
>Aule, you worry too much, why little Sauron is the height of virtue and humbleness, we ought to call him the admirable!. Give him more duties.
You're acting like any decision the Valar ever made was thought out and went as planned.
They didn't make any choices. Iluvatar made a grand piece of music at the beginning of time and the events of the books played out exactly as he composed it. There is no free will in this universe of his.
Been a long time since i've read it but didn't Morgoth add his own notes to the song?
His own discordance to be exact, trying deliberately to fuck it up
It ends up having this really lovely metaphor for the presence of evil in creation. If I remember correctly, the other Valar put rain into the song, to bring water to living creatures, and Morgoth adds cold to torment them, but then together that creates snow, which is beautiful. I'm probably remembering it wrong but it stuck out to me.
You remember correclty. It's my favourite bit from the Silmarillion:
>And Iluvatar spoke to Ulmo, and said: 'Seest thou not how here in this little realm in the Deeps of Time Melkor hath made war upon thy province?
>He hath bethought him of bitter cold immoderate, and yet hath not destroyed the beauty of thy fountains, nor of my clear pools. Behold the snow, and the cunning work of frost!
>Melkor hath devised heats and fire without restraint, and hath not dried up thy desire nor utterly quelled the music of the sea. Behold rather the height and glory of the clouds, and the ever changing mists; and listen to the fall of rain upon the Earth! And in these clouds thou art drawn nearer to Manwe, thy friend, whom thou lovest.
>Then Ulmo answered: 'Truly, Water is become now fairer than my heart imagined, neither had my secret thought conceived the snowflake, nor in all my music was contained the falling of the rain. I will seek Manwe, that he and I may make melodies for ever to my delight!' And Manwe and Ulmo have from the beginning been allied, and in all things have served most faithfully the purpose of Iluvatar.
which god weaved into the song and turned the world even better because of it. just. as. planned.
>blob daffodill dicking around in the forest is implied to be so powerful he can defeat Sauron
>he’s just left there because???
>could have saved countless lives
>clearly a retarded idea that Tolkien fans defend endlessly
I really can’t take tolkiens shit seriously- he tried too hard to go for a mythological feel and some of the story is just wretchedly stupid as a result
You don't get it - Bombadil WAS a full-on retard, who otherwise possesses near-infinite power. He was the First, before light came to Arda.
But he is retarded.
Illuvatar has a sense of humour is what Tolkien is trying to communicate with this.
Isn’t vatar basically God and Tolkien was a serious Catholic? I don’t buy it, just seems like an early story concept that didn’t mesh well with the two layer books
Illuvatar is the literal God of LOTR who created everything. Tolkien was a Catholic.
What I find fascinating is that Tolkien's only descriptions of organized religious worship are the cults to Melkor and later Sauron.
The Elves know their God and gods but they don't seem to pray to them or systematically venerate them. No mention of religious prayer and worship in Rohan or Gondor either from what I recall.
Eh? The reason why Numenor fell was because the men stopped venerating them. That being said, Rohan and Gondor are pretty secular seemingly.
>the men stopped venerating them
More because they tried to invade Valinor at Sauron's suggestion and got smited by God
the catalyst was the apostasy
They died in untold numbers fighting an evil god and his army of abominations just to be rewarded with an island. An island achingly close to actual heaven on Earth that they were barred from entering even after death. Meanwhile the elves just casually sailed by waving their tickets to heaven while laughing their asses off. They had a pretty good reason to be miffed.
No they didn't. The "one island" is literally a piece of heaven on Middle-Earth and human afterlife is ordained by the Big Guy himself, only a little bitch would complain about his master plan.
Elves are fundamentally different creatures, being jealous is retarded, especially when Elves themselves express interest for the human kind of death. It took Sauron quite a while to kike up the entire operation and even then he failed.
The gift of man (death) was always to be considered a good thing as it made men restless in the world whereas other beings such as the elves or even the Valar became complacent and comfortable. This is why the men of Numenor eagerly attained great power, explored Middle Earth, colonizing it and sharing their technologies with the people there, and normally when men died they did so peacefully knowing that they were no longer bound to the physical world. It was only when Sauron started distorting this fate as something to be feared and that the afterlife was one of uncertainty rather than new possibility that men began to resent their gift.
>It was only when Sauron started distorting this fate as something to be feared and that the afterlife was one of uncertainty rather than new possibility that men began to resent their gift.
When Morgoth found the first men and instilled the fear of death in them*
Well, I was talking about the men of Numenor, werent they content with their fate until Sauron surrendered to them and became Ar-Pharazons adivisor?
You're both correct. Morgoth first instilled the irrational fear of death onto the first human tribes.
The Numenoreans had previously grown out of said fear thanks to their contact with the Elves, until Sauron brought it back.
Faramir mentions the Valar with some veneration. I'd say they still revere them in Gondor, the Valar had just taken a much more hands off approach to things for the last few thousand years and the story had no need to delve into what folks in Gondor do on their sabbath.
Traditional religious practice in Middle-Earth amoung Men is almost certainly a thing which men who have a higher content of Numenorian blood do, than those who do not.
Not even a hint of an organized Church tho and none of the heroes cry their God's name when charging into battle, unlike people during the Crusades for example.
There’s little need for a religion when there’s a continent across the sea where lowercase gods dwell and they themselves ask everyone else not to worship anyone but the one true God, who doesn’t even want worship at all, just belief and the occasional thanksgiving.
It all worked out in the end didnt it?
That’s what makes it good. Their decisions aren’t clear, which makes sense for higher beings. And we see that they’re flawed and prone to mistakes. Good writing
Ten thousand years, Mairon ("The Admirable") probably would have seemed like a fine choice for sending to Middle-Earth as a messenger, it's hard to know what a massive cunt was lurking beneath the surface, especially if he were locked into the form of a Man and subject to the slow moving reality of one compared to the incorporeal existence they're all used to. Saruman seemed a good choice at the time. Hard to know how heavy his envy was.
It all worked out didn't it? Who are you to question Eru's machinations
Gandalf was instrumental the whole way anyway, even the quest to Erebor with the dwarves and Bilbo resulted in the death of Smaug, the last of the ancient dragons. Sauron would most certainly have sought an alliance with Smaug before the War of the Ring if he was still alive, his forces were overwhelming enough without adding a dragon to the mix.
I get why the Blue Wizards wouldn't show up, but surely if Gandalf had asked Elrond to send out some Elves to find him, Radaghast would have come to their aid. He could have shown up with help to save the day at some point in the story.
I think he was corrupted by flesh and the beauty of nature and lost touch with his divine nature. It happened to all the dwarves and that Mia that had mortal kids
The chapter for the council of Elrond specifically says that they sent messengers to find Radagast but that they found his house empty. He isn’t mentioned again after that.
he was too busy fucking birds all day to help out with the Quest
dude stopped caring about people, he only cared about animals.
he would rather stay in his forrest protecting his animal companions then go to a war/battle
Why did the Hobbits never call on Tom Bombadil? He could've saved their ass on any number of occasions
They need to sing a song to call for his help but they forget it.
Tom isn't the most reliable of people from what I can tell. He might come over, he might also be busy with Goldberry.
They did, he saved them from the Barrow-wight. However, he couldn't move beyond his neck of the woods, literally.
>admit it we're fucking lost! can't even get a signal to call for help..
>call who? we're in a middle of fucking nowhere? do you have god's number maybe he can send some eagles to fly us outta here straight to bing?!
Why didn't Saruman just explain to Gandalf the benefits of an industrial revolution?
He did try to. But he also couldn't let Gandalf leave, so they had a wizard fight and Gandalf wasn't listening anymore.
because there aren't any
>main villains name is Sauron
>his underlings name is Sauronman
Both are western tongue names. Sauron didn’t call himself that.
Sauron is what the Valar called him post-fall isn't it?
Yes, the name he had before that was Annatar, the bringer of ~~*Gifts*~~ and Mairon before that.
Annatar was his self-given guise posing as a friendly guy from....some place far away, here to give fabulous magic forging knowledge to these fine elves.
>tfw you are so good and fucking with people God himself takes away your ability of disguise
>cause so much trouble God has to remake the shape of the world to stop you fucking with heaven
Melkor found the most obnoxiously resourceful and determined maiar in Valinor to corrupt
I don't remember if Melkor ever courted/corrupted Sauron or if Sauron joined him on his own.
Melkor tempted him with the lure of immense power to better effect his designs that he was so obsessed with. Then he got the taste for more power in general and his ego started expanding rapidly. By the time Melkor was defeated for good, Sauron was full blown megalomaniac, leading to his desire to "save" the world with his new vision of perfect order...and of course receiving all the deserved credit and worship for it.
Even in his appearances in the Silmarillion in the First Age he's a cocky little cunt.
Aule really knows how to pick'em.
All standup guys.
First, the turncoat of many colors wizard, second, the most despicable and destructive villain in the history of Arda, and third Sauron too? Geez.
I wonder if the Valar adopted a policy of immediately killing any of Aule's followers that become noticeable in power and slightly dickish.
Aule, why are all your smiths assholes?
>Galadriel and Gil galad are suspicious of Anatar and turn him away
This always bugged me, why didn’t they assume it was Sauron returned. If they had their suspicions who else was it going to be other than an agent of morgoth? They should have just tried to apprehend or kill him right there.
Accusing someone of being literally Satan is a big deal and needs some proper evidence otherwise it would be seen as nothing but slander.
Sauron wasn't the only evil being unaccounted for or out there in general especially at that time, and he's hard to pin down anyway given how many names and guises he used after leaving Valinor to join Melkor (even in the Third Age when he was at Dol Guldur they thought it was one of his servants like the Witch-King or other Nazgul at first).
It was originally Myron, he was a nerd
Post-fall not pre-fall
Not the other wizards, only Gandalf. After all Saruman volunteered for the mission and was made leader by Manwe but he also insisted that Gandalf tag along as well, even though Gandalf didn't originally care to.
Later Gandalf received an elven Ring of Power from Cirdan and Galadriel straight up suggested Gandalf be made the new leader of the Istari/Council. All of those things made Saruman a real pissy bitch
He had issue with Radaghast at least, thinking him an idiot. Saruman had delusions of grandeur from the start, while Gandalf was just there to get the job done and didn't care who got to be top wizard. So it took Cirdan all of 5 minutes to determine who he should actually back in the effort to save Middle Earth.
Yeah he did think Radagast was a retarded hippie but he was also completely harmless to Sarumans power which is why he was a minor annoyance at best.
Gandalf on the other hand almost took Saruman's place as head of the Council without even trying, that must've really pissed off Saruman.
Then he had his last hurrah thwarted by a few hobbits showing up and throwing down all his work in the Shire in the span of about 14 hours, and all Frodo had for him was pity, giving him one last moment of shame before the Valar rejected him to become a fart in the wind. Its hard to say he didn't have it coming, but not many got it humiliated and humbled as thoroughly as Saruman.
When the five Wizards arrived on Middle-Earth by boat the elf who made the rings came to greet them, and he gifted one of the three elven rings, the ring of fire, to Gandalf, despite Saruman being the leader. Basically he was jealous.
The elf that made the rings was dead at that point and Saruman likely never knew that Gandalf had an elven ring.
>I'm the BEST wizard...I'm the wisest and most skilled and most powerful....SO WHY DOES EVERYONE LIKE THAT PIPE SMOKING FUCK MORE THAN ME!?
Celembrimbor was the dude who made the rings and he'd been tortured to death by Sauron ages ago.
Cirdan the Shipright was the one who inherited the Fire Ring and gave it to Gandalf but the two wizards didn't actually arrive at the same time in Lindon.
>What was his problem anyways?
>you volunteered to help defeat your rival and former partner
>they forced you to bring up a fucking idiot that you know will help with nothing and would just be a burden, and unsurprisingly you get proven right
>you tag along with the blue duo to the east, you realize after traveling there the place is full of fucking morgoth worthshippers and you smartly come back to the west, yet the blue duo decide to keep trying? Unsurprisingly they go MiA
>they send glorfindel back to middle earth instead of sending more useful elves to help defeat sauron
It's no wonder saruman got mad when everyone was an idiot
Glorfindel is beast among beasts even within the Elven race, the fuck you mean "more useful"?
Guess they could have brought back Fingolfin or something. And Galadriel is probably worth more than either at the end of the day.
Fingolfin might just find himself dogpiled by Sauron out of sheer terror and since there are barely any Elves left he'd get fucked.
>yfw Sauron when he sees Earendil on his sky boat on his way to fuck up your shit
he viewed himself as better and superior.
he was already pissed that the gods offered gandalf the position of wizard leader (that he declinded)
then when they arrived in middle-earth the elves assumed that gandalf was indeed the leader, making saruman even more butthurt.
Tell me....buddy...when did Saruman the Wise Guy reason for crazy?
Five wizards are sent to do one job and only one succeeds. Bravo Valar!!
>out of all the Valar only a single one is evil
>there are a lot of maiar, who turn evil, though we don’t know about how many
>Elves however are almost all universally good, even the arrogant ones, who start wars with their own kin, which either might be the single most rarest event in LOTR or more common than we know
>men are a mixed bag, even the Numenor turned evil
But after thousands of years, the maiar, which is now Saruman, who participated in the war against Melkor and Sauron, who knows of their evil, has decided to be evil all of a sudden after receiving an important mission and being stuck in the body of an old man.
What the fuck was Saruman‘s problem? You think Sauron recognized him from way back when btw?
>Oh yes, that shitstain who was always trying to copy my kickass smithing and never quite measured up
Most Valar are neither good nor evil, they just are.
>has decided to be evil all of a sudden
He wasn't evil, his plan to defeat Sauron was to feign an alliance, get the ring and use that to win.
Yeah, and then rule in Sauron's place as a new lord of Middle-Earth.
Maybe, yeah. It depends how addicted he was to earthly pleasures (pipe weed).
And for even worse reasons than Sauron, just being petty jealousy rather than grand megalomania. Saruman is meant to consistently be a lesser imitation of Sauron following in his footsteps.
You say that but I do vaguely remember reading somewhere that if Isendgard and Mordor had gone to war directly, with the One being just hidden, then eventually Saruman would've succeeded in sneaking into Barad-Dur, stolen the knowledge of ring-making and used to make one of his own to defeat Sauron in the end.
I think this was written in some random letter by Tolkien.
It was in the foreword for the second edition of LOTR.
I thought it was part of his FAQ, cheers.
Meet the new boss, same as the old boss
Pride, jealously, greed. The usuals. Being in the body of a man didn't help as it amplified such feelings over the centuries. Particularly envy of Sauron's power and Gandalf's simplier yet more effective ways that gathered him the love and admiration of many across Middle-Earth.
There's also a lot of impatience, even while remaining immortal time probably seemed much slower than when he was in Valinor and he started taking shortcuts.
>You think Sauron recognized him from way back when btw?
The Maiar know each other, yes. The balrog in Moria would have known Gandalf (as Olorin), and Gandalf in turn would have known its name. They are both beings from before the dawn of Ea.
>It's that fuck Olorin, I fucking hate that little brownnose worm always carrying Manwe's coat and shit
>tfw the nerd you bullied back in Paradise is stabbing you with lighting and blade
>tfw he beat you so hard he got promoted
That guy was a real jerk.
GET A FIRE GOING
this guy had THE COOLEST helmet
Why isn't the skull wearing a helmet too?
Twitter says it is back on the menu.
He didn't say that, he said
>TREE? I AM NO TREE!
>i am a squid
remember those kids you went to school with. the tylers, the sams, the jacksons. they all ended up in jail, is this a coincidence?
what if legolas was a girl
If they kept the same dynamic with gimli, the entire fanbase, especially on this board, would be shipping them for fucking eons
I applaud the ambition of the painter but his sense of proportion really messed up her right arm, jesus.
You just reminded me of that stupid dwarf-elf romance subplot that goes absolutely nowhere in the Hobbit movies. What the fuck was Jackson thinking with that one?
What makes you think all romances need to work out. She fell for a bloke and he got whooped 2 death
She would be my wife
>Yes Sauronman, I will join you. Now, I must do evil outside the tower. Goodbye.
Was that so hard? Did Hackson need to force a wizard fight?
They clashed in the books too and there was no way for Gandalf to lie to Saruman. Also the first thing Saruman would've done is force Gandalf to look into the Palantir and speak with the big guy himself.
Good lying to that sneaky son of a bitch.
Gandalf the White? Gandalf the Stupidhead!
if gandalf wasn't given the fire ring he'd not have accomplished even half as much as he did.
well yeah, that's why he gave it to him, he sensed he would need its help, Gandalf was a relatively minor maiar in comparison to Saruman and Sauron, he didn't have their level of power and skill (but also not their giant pride levels)
The Maiar didn't have power levels like that, and the ring didn't make Gandalf more powerful in that way. The wizards were put in old man bodies so they could only use a bit of their power, while Sauron had no such limitations. Even when Gandalf came back, apparently with permission to let loose a little more, we never saw all that he could do.
I don't mean power levels like DBZ, I mean knowledge and skills.
Wasn't it more of a case of only being allowed to use as much power as was needed to help the people of Middle Earth without outright solving their problems for them? After all, when push came to shove, Gandalf was capable of throwing down with a fucking Balrog, which were fellow Maia and among Melkor's most powerful servants, second only to Sauron himself, and this was before his White Wizard level-up. So even if Gandalf was as powerful as Sauron, he wouldn't have directly confronted him, because that would miss the whole point of his mission, which was to aid the people of Middle Earth in fixing the mess they were in, rather than fixing the mess himself.
From what I remember the Ring of Fire gave Gandalf great help against fatigue and increased his overall endurance.
One could easily argue that Gandalf might've otherwise exhausted himself to death and one point or another, notably against the Balrog.
>so Cirdan what this ring even do?
>dunno gives hope or some shit whatever that means
I don't know if it helped tbh
*farts in your thread*
auch! bloody fookin ell mate! *burps and falls over*
yep, i'm comic relief
*cums and shits*
Why did they do him like this when he isn't even remotely like that in the book
He was based regardless, but yeah some of the comic relief really was unnecessary. One that always bothered me was during Helm's Deep. We have ten thousand Uruk-hais at the gates, hollering and pounding their weapons on the ground, creating an absolute feeling of dread, and then they keep cutting away to gag scenes of Gimli not being able to see what was happening because LOL HE'S SHORT. Almost ruined the scene for me.
Movie Aragorn is way better than book Aragorn IMO, though.
>, but yeah some of the comic relief really was unnecessary.
Gimli is the reason so many marvel-tier quips exist today.
One's a uruk
how does gimli know what the endocrine system is?
How do you respond without sounding mad?
Bitch you're only a wraith
>aggressive swear word
Sorry but you sound mad
Reminder that in the book Gandalf is not nearly this much of a bitch when facing the Witch-King at the gate of Minas Tirith. He doesn't even get his staff broken. Hackson fucked that scene up, not a surprise.
thx gonna reread the series becuz i forget this.
You cannot enter here. Go back to the abyss prepared for you! Go back! Fall into the nothingness that awaits you and your Master. Go!
> I'm no man
>yfw the troon is the only one who answered correctly
now you just sound scared
but i guess at least you dont sound mad
canon from the mouth of tolkien himself
I honestly love the campy spin they took on the setting and lore in those games. Only thing that bothers me is them just stealing the balrog and Sauron's look from the Jackson movies.
>>I honestly love the campy spin they took on the setting and lore in those games.
>HAHAH CELEBRIMBOR IS BAD
He's not cartoonishly bad. He's mostly just bitter and proud and ambitious, like a lot of those old school Noldor were.
I don't want to be wise.
>REPEAT EVERYTHING HE SAYS IN A HIGH PITCHED VOICE
what if instead of gimli, tolkien called him a nagger
Tree?!? I am no tree!
>What's your name?
Why didnt gandalf do any cool magic? Shoot fireballs or lighting atleast. Shines light couple times and rest of the time just swings his sword. Lame af. "Wizard"
His two biggest battles are deliberately seen from a distance by the reader or viewer. When he fights the Nazgul on Weathertop, you see it from Frodo and Aragorn's perspective, from far away all they can see is a bright light flashing repeatedly on the hill, and they find the scorched ground when they get up there.
The fight with the Balrog is shown through Gandalf's retelling, he says he cut it with his sword the whole way down into the abyss, then chased it up the endless stair to the dizzying heights, and fought it in a battle that would look like a storm of fire and lightning to someone watching from afar. And he won't describe the other things he saw living down in the depths of the earth. He seems to use as little power as possible to help the others, and only when absolutely necessary.
imagine a regular Man from the Third Age transported back to the First Age and seeing some of the weird shit going on there, his mind would melt
Because he's not there to fix Middle Earth's problems for its inhabitants. That is not his mission, and using his powers left and right would miss the whole point of said mission. He uses exactly as much power as he needs to use to AID his companions and give them a fighting chance. The only reason he goes all out against the Balrog is because his companions had zero hope of defeating such a foe otherwise.
Why not though?
Last time they went all out they fucked up middle earth and left scars on the world that are still not healed and didn’t even win ultimately
Difference in doing a surfer with a scalpel or chainsaw
Direct major intervention has not worked out well for Middle-Earth in the past, they were going for a light touch this time.
>White wizard is the secret bad guy
No Mr. Bond, I expect you to DIE
>Gods dont intervene in the fight against evil
>the Angles they do send are stuck being old men at 1% of their power
>because mortals have to do it "by themselves"
>but Sauron gets to fuck around in middle earth and torment everybody as a God like figure using all his divine powers, thats cool
The mythology of lotr is such bullshit
> the Angles they do send are stuck being old men at 1% of their power
Ain’t that the truth. Get these octogenarians out!
Yeh I get it.
But Middle-Earth in the third age is a world in decline, the product of Melkor's (PBUH) continuous marring of Arda, the Feanorian oath and the sacrilege of the downfallen Numenor. Plus the elves are fading and men are taking over.
First age power levels were far less constrained.
Melian was allowed to erect a magic shield and protect her's and her husbands realm for centuries until the Feanorian curse took hold and fucked up everything.
Ulmo was still floating about, instructing elves in the foundation of secret realms and showing himself to mortal Men, who in turn could take down a dragon on their own.
Orome's own hound could trot about Beleriand and pin Sauron down.
>the Feanorian oath
SILMARILS ARE RIGHTFUL PROPERTY OF THE NOLDOR AND HOUSE OF FEANOR
FEANOR DID NOTHING WRONG
Proper divine intervention went so well in the first age, right?
Though I guess everyone were so much weaker by the third age I guess the damage wouldn't have been that bad
Whatever happened there?
The sinking of Beleriand, that was real?
I read the Noldori scripts, I thought it was bullshit
Well, direct overt intervention had horrendous even catastrophic consequences for the peoples of Middle-Earth in the First and Second Age, even if victory was achieved. And Sauron fucking up everything with his power and immortal nature is precisely a good reason not to send more angels or gods, lest one of them become another Sauron. Hell they mode-locked the angels they did send to limit their powers, and one of them still went about trying to become a new Sauron (and with the power of the Ring, he could have been, as would Gandalf or others had they taken it up and tried to use its power to defeat Sauron, they'd just wind up replacing him as another dark lord).The reign of gods and angels over Middle-Earth had to end. It was time for the mortal people to be able to shape their own lives and land.
BREAK OUT THE ALE
THESE MEN ARE THIRSTY!
Is there anything happening after Sauron gets btfo or does the story end?
t. never read the books
There's about 200 pages that detail how much Tolkien hated immigrants with the hobbits returning home to find Saruman has step up his own marijuana plantation and invited in a bunch of his fellow refugees. The four hobbits rally the population who, in what can only be described as a reactionary peasant response to Saruman's progressive accelerationism, chase the newcomers out and Wormtongue stabs Saruman to death as they leave. Sam then marries and impregnates his wife 50 times and becomes mayor or something.
why does Sam have to marry his wife 50 times?
surely once is sufficient.
He meant to say that Sam marries and impregnates over 50 women. There's a line about how many children are born with golden hair in the shire after Sam spreads his sacred elven seeds everywhere.
Marriage means a big party with a lot to eat and drink, and the hobbits are all about that shit.
>but what about second marriage?
The story was going to continue a generation after Aragorn’s death with melkor cults appearing out of the boredom of peace but he found writing it too depressing
He also couldn't decide if Orc were irredeemably evil, which would Aragorn and Eomer needed to go on several genocidal campaigns, or if Orcs were redeemable in which case, wtf do you do with them?
Just going off speculation
If they were redeemable you would think they would grow up to be people considering their repellent looks are the result of the evil they work. There were orc and troll men so they aren’t that far off from people. Redeemed ones would just be quirky people that would be subsumed by the other races much like the hobbits as magic faded
Ok next question.
How do they reproduce?
I’m assuming that’s how Saruman got his half orc people into n the shore and Bree and the trolling people from far harad
Weren’t the wildmen orcish looking? Maybe that’s what non evil orcs look like
I remember the ~~*Men-Goblin and Goblin-Men*~~ from the books but there was no mention of Goblin-Women.
From how I understood them Saruman was breeding them in Isengard with corrupted magic, which is what Jackson also displayed.
Tolkien never settled if there are female orcs and trolls and Morgoth originally just spawn the Dragons and Balrogs from between his buttcheeks.
Once Tolkien decided they weren’t born from mud because evil cannot create life only twist it he said there must be orc women but you wouldn’t see them do to the nature of war.
I always thought the goblins gollum was eating were female/children
Yeah he said that but Melkor still somehow shat out Dragons and Balrogs during the First Age, did Eru help him make those?
He had beast he was mutating in agband
Balrogs are things like Gandalf that took his side in the civil war, eru specifically made them
Right I forgot, but he still created a Dragons which are an essentially new lifeform with Orcs and Uruks then being the mutilated and tortured forms of Elves and Men and Saruman said in the movie.
I took the creation of dragons to basically mean he was breeding dinosaurs into monsters
Aren't dragons fundamentally worms? The originals have no wings and are called "worms"
That's a British thing, wyrms or worms, they're serpent creatures rather than earthworms. For example the Lambton Worm.
let them die out, and try to unfuck the more redeiemable ones
Orcs are all male, you wanna throw human women at them?
Are you american?
>He actually was concerned with the possibility of the little Orc babies in the their little Orc cribs
We must accept Orc refugees
t. Middle Earth Progressives
My best friend is a Saruman and it kind of scares me.
The Elves just sit around doing drugs all day.
Elves are drugs made manifest. So intense it can make trees turn into Ents.
tranny reddit groomer.
>Tolkien called the language of Rohan "Rohanese", "Rohirric" is just what fans call it
They were men once.
>20+ years later
>still relevant in culture
>still relevant in memes
>still the best movie (split into 3) of all time
>israeliteels containing the light of the TREES gets stolen
>Teleri refuse to pursue Melkor
>Teleri refuse to lend Feanor boats
they got what they deserved
A FUCKING LAMP
Melkor was right, this shit had to go.
Wasn’t there a fire Maia female that went awol on middle earth that wasn’t evil? So there’s an unaligned chick balrog wandering around too
Talk about kiting.
>has two ends
The proto-Dwarf Fortress.
This is how Tolkien drew his dragons. More worm-like and not similar to how dragons are drawn today
He also said Smaug had wings, Ancalagon too I think
Yes they had wings. But specifically the first ever dragon, Glaurung, and his offspring did not have wings. Winged dragons came later
Looks a lot like medieval depictions of dragons. Also, a real world archaic synonym for "dragon" is "wyrm".
Anyone who adapts a Tolkein work for film/vidya and shows wyverns should be beaten to death
I think the word origin for worm shares it with the sheltopusik
Say what you will about the content of his character, but you gotta admire that tenacity.
Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *
Save name for the next time I post.