>b-but Cinemaphile w-will hahhhahate it-
you actually watched it? you actually went to the theater and watcher a movie you knew was going to be mediocre at best?
Jurassic Park is just a shit franchise in general. They never knew what to do with it other than make generic monster movies. The last one was horrendous, this one is somehow even worse. It may actually bomb.
It was fricking absurd >Let's make a new JP movie about A PLAGUE OF LOCUSTS >And get this, get this. Remember Dodgson, the unimportant guy who has like a 5 second scene in the original? Yeah, let's make HIM the big bad. >And remember how we've been setting up BD Wong as a major bad guy for the past 2 movies? Let's give him a total change in character for literally no reason. He's a good guy now, just because.
The whole thing felt like an extremely rough first draft that no one had the common sense to brush up on.
Dodgson. He's the CEO of some new company that bought out Hammond's. They create a plague of locusts that starts eating all the worlds crops and will wipe out humanity. I'm not making any of this up. It's as stupid as it sounds.
>They create a plague of locusts that starts eating all the worlds crops and will wipe out humanity.
It sounds to me like he was trying to stop the dinosaurs from getting around the lysine contingency, but naturally, things got out of hand because this is Jurassic Park, after all.
Nahhh, it's a thinly veiled Monsanto swipe
The locusts are engineered to attack all crops except Biosyn crops
He is trying to basically force a dependency on his product, doesnt care how many it kills
God thats so stupid. I don't get why the genetics companies in these movies don't aim higher. Like Dinosaurs are the marketable face of showing that this amazing cloning technology exists and the hybrids were confirmation they can just make whatever they want. If Biosyn are going to be big greedy genetic companies they should be releasing all these extra dinosaurs and making the black market ones so that they can then get contracts with the governments to fix the problem and profiting from both ends. It doesn't need some stupid plot with genetically engineered locusts.
2 years ago
Anonymous
big giant frick huge Lizards that do nothing but eat, and create gigantic uninsurable disasters are not a financial asset, theyre a fricking liability, every explanation of these giant literal shithill makers generating revenue outside of a zoo gets progressively more moronic each movie
I'm almost 98% certain it was a coincidence, but this might be a deep cut. It IS a deep cut, but I think it was by accident because I don't trust these writers anymore.
Dodgson in the jurassic park book scares the investors into approving corporate espionage in the first place by telling them about how ingen will clone dino pets dependant on ingen food. A monopoly. And now he's doing exactly that but in a more evil way.
It would be a deep cut if I was certain anyone in the staff was anything but a moron, so I'm super unsure
The second one was an embarrassment. I don't know how people are allowed to make such terrible products with so much money on the line. You'd think there'd be some kind of quality control where the worst the end product can be is safe and entertaining but ultimately forgettable.
I rewatched that one recently and I forgot how awful it is. Most of the new characters they introduce are annoying and unlikable, the dinosaur auction is just boring and drags on for way too long, and the ending felt very underwhelming.
My ex knew I was a massive JP fan and wanted me to watch this shit just to torture me and laugh at my cringe. Never did I want to swing on a b***h more.
It's that bad huh? I was thinking about going to see it in theatres since its going to be the last JP movie (for the foreseeable future) but if that's the case I'll just pirate it.
A couple cool dino scenes can't save a movie. It was legitimately painful seeing Sam Neill and Laura Dern in this. None of the original three actors should have been in this. The movie would have been better if it was just BDH trapped in a dino infested jungle, the scenes of her running and hiding from Dilos and Therizinosaurus were the best in the movie
Almost everything had soul before smartphones/social media/etc. made everyone into braindead ADD addled morons. Even shitty movies the The Island or The 6th Day walk circles around most modern movies.
>I am good, therefor good things will happen to me.
This is the predominant way of thinking in the West now.
It's why people are in constant competition for the most altruistic now.
It's impressive how they managed to blow a billion dollars on three movies based on a beloved franchise and NONE of them are good. Like jesus christ guys, how hard is it to make a decent movie when you have all the money in the world? It's fricking embarrassing.
Modern movies are hampered by a host a clichés that really bog down the filmmaking process. I watched the Indiana Jones trilogy recently, and it's clear that what makes those films work is that the clichés of that era actually allowed for fun, colourful, fast paced, adventurous, witty filmmaking.
>It's impressive how they managed to blow a billion dollars on three movies based on a beloved franchise and NONE of them are good
You will never be able to make a good dinosaur movie made for the purpose to show dinosaurs. Even Prehistoric Planet failed at it.
Bullshit, Walking with Dinosaurs worked far better despite being far less accurate, and that's because every episode focused on one narrative. All people will remember from PP is some nice CGI and a couple of weird looking creatures.
2 years ago
Anonymous
It's literally the same formula as BBC Earth's other docuseries.
2 years ago
Anonymous
Yeah but written worse. It's bad dude. It's boring.
Other documentaries have to put work into coming up with interesting narratives with the footage in hand. It's hard work and they manage it. Those documentaries are great. Interesting and we get to see nature.
But this, they didn't have that crunch, that spark of creativity since they could just create footage for a narrative. So it ended up dull and boring. Sweeping shots of nature, random jumping points, etc. It was just bad. Nearly put me to sleep that's how bad it was and I was watching it around noon every day
Two background extras FAR in the background during the Milan scene
An evil kidnapper dude. Dinosaur approaches him, see jaws open, fade to black and crunch sound
An extra during that shot from the trailer of the two Carnivores outside in Malta. He's on a scooter then gets eaten.
The main villain in a callback to JP1
I was in awe at how bad and stupid the last one was, did they frick up even more? I guess it follows the progression of the Star Wars sequels pretty well then. Mediocre retreat of the original, bafflingly written 2nd film and a horrible finale
yes yes it is, no wait its worse >alan gram is a fricking old cuck
What the frick, They did it with Dr. Strange and I don't understand why, but now they do it with one of our beloved childhood characters. Why the hell is this fitiche cuck destroying everything??? There was no need for that at all. The worst of all sequels.
It was, that's why the trailers for dominion tried to paint the dinosaurs as an actual threat to mankind while it really was fricking locusts eating crops. They're taking the audience for a bunch of morons.
It was never going to be good anon. I'm seeing it it with some friends to make fun of it because its an inside joke we have and to hype myself up for the new dinosaurs in Evolution, the comfiest dinosaur park game to date
It's hilarious that they were too scared to bring the Spino back because he was part of one of the 'bad' sequels while they make movies even worse than JPIII
>final film in the trilogy >brings back cast from the original >still has to introduce a bunch of Black folk irrelevant to the plot >becames a mess of stupid shit just like Rise of Skywalker
So those "reshoots" weren't because of COVID, it was because of a thug over dosed on Fentanyl
I almost did, until i saw there were so many West African Bantu American side characters. They really hid that from the advertising and trailers until the last minute.
I'm glad they didn't kill any of the originals just because Disney made that the standard but are there any kino deaths whatsoever? So far in both JW movies only the assistant was a memorable kill.
>kino deaths
HAHAHAHA
bro these are the deaths with description: >hired goon gets his arm swallowed inch by inch by a dino, shit looks fake and he hardly reacts. dies by suchomimus implied eating his head. remember they dont show it, just imply it >random guy on a scooter gets swallowed by some dino, as seen in trailer >main antagonist gets killed by 3 dilophosaurus. he asks one of them 'so what's your story?' and they reply by spitting the black goo on his face. then they roar and we never see him again
Alright just got home from the Kinoplex watching this. It was alright. Dinos were cool. Better than Fallen Kingdom for sure. I'd put it on the same level as Jurassic Park III.
Literally nobody cares about JP Dominion. We know it's garbage.
shes awful. i can't stop staring at that fricking massive baldy hairline.
it's like arcanegays with jynx. do they not see that ridiculous hairline? i have a better hairline and i'm chronically bald
Surely she got eaten first tho?
is that malcolms bastard daughter?
is it true she's a dyke?
She tells Chris Pratt she likes redheads like he does
Unironically one of the few brightspots in this anti kino
Its borderline unwatchable
It was pretty good but Cinemaphile will hate it anyway just because there was a black woman
>b-but Cinemaphile w-will hahhhahate it-
you actually watched it? you actually went to the theater and watcher a movie you knew was going to be mediocre at best?
She isn’t even close to it being the reason why it’s bad
In theory, she should be counterbalanced by the goddess that is BDH, but I've been hearing she doesn't have a lot of good shots this time
Jurassic Park is just a shit franchise in general. They never knew what to do with it other than make generic monster movies. The last one was horrendous, this one is somehow even worse. It may actually bomb.
The original Jurassic Park is the only film in the franchise that's decent. The rest are either awful or mediocre at best
3 was pretty good especially since we got to see the apiaries
Name 3 better franchises
Lord of the Rings.
Planet of the Apes.
Jackie Chan.
>Lord of the rings
the nerd homosexual shit? LMAO
even kung fu Panda is better
Franchise = Shit
When the frick will you learn?
look, at how it tries to guilt trip people into watching this shitty movie
is it actually out? i'm aware a 3rd one was coming, but it must been completely overshadowed by top gun
yeah they've been ruining my dr. pepper cans with their ads for what seems like months
Stop drinking corn syrup
Top Gun was mostly fun. Reminded me of just good old popcorn flicks.
It was fricking absurd
>Let's make a new JP movie about A PLAGUE OF LOCUSTS
>And get this, get this. Remember Dodgson, the unimportant guy who has like a 5 second scene in the original? Yeah, let's make HIM the big bad.
>And remember how we've been setting up BD Wong as a major bad guy for the past 2 movies? Let's give him a total change in character for literally no reason. He's a good guy now, just because.
The whole thing felt like an extremely rough first draft that no one had the common sense to brush up on.
So who’s the new big bad?
Dodgson. He's the CEO of some new company that bought out Hammond's. They create a plague of locusts that starts eating all the worlds crops and will wipe out humanity. I'm not making any of this up. It's as stupid as it sounds.
Biosyn has been part of Jurassic Park since the beginning. It's one of InGen's major competitors.
>They create a plague of locusts that starts eating all the worlds crops and will wipe out humanity.
It sounds to me like he was trying to stop the dinosaurs from getting around the lysine contingency, but naturally, things got out of hand because this is Jurassic Park, after all.
Nahhh, it's a thinly veiled Monsanto swipe
The locusts are engineered to attack all crops except Biosyn crops
He is trying to basically force a dependency on his product, doesnt care how many it kills
God thats so stupid. I don't get why the genetics companies in these movies don't aim higher. Like Dinosaurs are the marketable face of showing that this amazing cloning technology exists and the hybrids were confirmation they can just make whatever they want. If Biosyn are going to be big greedy genetic companies they should be releasing all these extra dinosaurs and making the black market ones so that they can then get contracts with the governments to fix the problem and profiting from both ends. It doesn't need some stupid plot with genetically engineered locusts.
big giant frick huge Lizards that do nothing but eat, and create gigantic uninsurable disasters are not a financial asset, theyre a fricking liability, every explanation of these giant literal shithill makers generating revenue outside of a zoo gets progressively more moronic each movie
Well Monsanto is pure evil
So between that and dinosaurs as genetic weapons, they've got full moustache twirl evil. This dumb shit is Umbrella Corp tier.
Was it the same sex offfender actor from JP1?
No, that guy went to jail irl. The actor in this is fine, but Dodgson in this is extremely incompetent and toothless.
>No, that guy went to jail irl.
Oh wow, you were not lying.
>Was convicted in 2016 of sexual misconduct with a 13-year-old girl. As of 2021, he is serving a 6-year prison sentence.
I'm almost 98% certain it was a coincidence, but this might be a deep cut. It IS a deep cut, but I think it was by accident because I don't trust these writers anymore.
Dodgson in the jurassic park book scares the investors into approving corporate espionage in the first place by telling them about how ingen will clone dino pets dependant on ingen food. A monopoly. And now he's doing exactly that but in a more evil way.
It would be a deep cut if I was certain anyone in the staff was anything but a moron, so I'm super unsure
For what purpose?
I haven't seen the latest yet but the last 2 in this series were awful without whoever that is.
I hated it already and had no idea there was a black main character.
>just because there was a black woman
Yeah, nobody like Black folk. Imagine my shock
Not possible unless it somehow undoes the resolution of the original Jurassic Park films.
You know what people really want when they watch a Jurassic Park film?
for it really to be about locusts
this
As long as it’s not as bad as The Last Reddtior
It's a disappointing movie but I wouldn't call it as bad as Rise of Skywalker.
The second one was an embarrassment. I don't know how people are allowed to make such terrible products with so much money on the line. You'd think there'd be some kind of quality control where the worst the end product can be is safe and entertaining but ultimately forgettable.
I rewatched that one recently and I forgot how awful it is. Most of the new characters they introduce are annoying and unlikable, the dinosaur auction is just boring and drags on for way too long, and the ending felt very underwhelming.
My ex knew I was a massive JP fan and wanted me to watch this shit just to torture me and laugh at my cringe. Never did I want to swing on a b***h more.
Based ex
Why are you still going to movies with your ex?
3 is a goddamn masterpiece compared to this shit. Good lord.
Is Newman in it? Because the plot revealing that Newman survived the Dilophosaurus acid would be kino.
All these years we thought a dinosaur ate
him. Turned out it was the other way arouns.
>Is Newman in it? Because the plot revealing that Newman survived the Dilophosaurus acid would be kino.
It's that bad huh? I was thinking about going to see it in theatres since its going to be the last JP movie (for the foreseeable future) but if that's the case I'll just pirate it.
>some madlad uploaded all the important scenes on youtube
>homosexuals reeeing in the comments about pirating
Oddly enough, even pirated its not worth it. Its literally just a straight bad movie mate.
>>some madlad uploaded all the important scenes on youtube
post fast and make webms
A couple cool dino scenes can't save a movie. It was legitimately painful seeing Sam Neill and Laura Dern in this. None of the original three actors should have been in this. The movie would have been better if it was just BDH trapped in a dino infested jungle, the scenes of her running and hiding from Dilos and Therizinosaurus were the best in the movie
I've been rewatching the first 3 JP movies and they have so much soul. New movies are so shitty.
Almost everything had soul before smartphones/social media/etc. made everyone into braindead ADD addled morons. Even shitty movies the The Island or The 6th Day walk circles around most modern movies.
>Even shitty movies the The Island or The 6th Day walk circles around most modern movies.
Sad as a motherfrick how true that is...the shittiest mid movies from the mid 2000's run circles around shit these dsys.
Characters actually had to overcome conflicts through struggle and change.
Now the good guys win just because they're the good guys.
>Characters actually had to overcome conflicts through struggle and change.
>Now the good guys win just because they're the good guys.
Why are all movies like this now?
>I am good, therefor good things will happen to me.
This is the predominant way of thinking in the West now.
It's why people are in constant competition for the most altruistic now.
Virtue signaling is anything but altruistic.
Blame Disney and marketing desperate to get the biggest audience
Was no one self aware during production?
Take me back
90s and 2000s movies got so much soul
the animatronics were a world wonder
I saw a perfect replica of this car driving down a motorway recently and it made me very happy
>I SAW OLD THING AND I CLAPPED
Jesus you people are the biggest consoomers.
that's a high bar
It's impressive how they managed to blow a billion dollars on three movies based on a beloved franchise and NONE of them are good. Like jesus christ guys, how hard is it to make a decent movie when you have all the money in the world? It's fricking embarrassing.
jurassic park has been and will always be for children and man children. i'm sure both still enjoy these new ones
>it's mainly for kids which means it's okay it's bad
midwit take. Plenty of family films are kino, like The Iron Giant or The Princess Bride.
and plenty of them are shit, like jurassic park
I really dont tbh
the lesbian is kinda qt though
SHES STRAIGHT SHUT UP
Gross neckmole and gap toof ruins it
toothgap keeps you from getting your frenulum cut when you facefrick her
Ugly just like the neckmole though
You can't buy talent.
Modern movies are hampered by a host a clichés that really bog down the filmmaking process. I watched the Indiana Jones trilogy recently, and it's clear that what makes those films work is that the clichés of that era actually allowed for fun, colourful, fast paced, adventurous, witty filmmaking.
>It's impressive how they managed to blow a billion dollars on three movies based on a beloved franchise and NONE of them are good
You will never be able to make a good dinosaur movie made for the purpose to show dinosaurs. Even Prehistoric Planet failed at it.
>Prehistoric Planet failed
nah that was great stop being a stick in the mud it was at least wwd tier.
Prehistoric Planet failed because the narrative was all over the place with no focus whatsoever.
its supposed to be a nature documentary, not a movie.
Bullshit, Walking with Dinosaurs worked far better despite being far less accurate, and that's because every episode focused on one narrative. All people will remember from PP is some nice CGI and a couple of weird looking creatures.
It's literally the same formula as BBC Earth's other docuseries.
Yeah but written worse. It's bad dude. It's boring.
Other documentaries have to put work into coming up with interesting narratives with the footage in hand. It's hard work and they manage it. Those documentaries are great. Interesting and we get to see nature.
But this, they didn't have that crunch, that spark of creativity since they could just create footage for a narrative. So it ended up dull and boring. Sweeping shots of nature, random jumping points, etc. It was just bad. Nearly put me to sleep that's how bad it was and I was watching it around noon every day
PP was kino, frick you.
watched the first episode of PP its not bad his voice is just so dry
Fricking kek. Only schizos, manchildren obsessed about movies and christcucks don't like PP
I thought Fallen Kingdom was far worse
Maise a cute
The biggest shits with this movie were the absolute wienertease with Gigantosaurus doing sweet frick all and...
The absolute lack of fricking kills.
Two name characters with pathetic deaths and two or three literal background extras...
Fricking pathetic.
There were so many villains to kill. The weird Evil Chick, Dodsons Security guy, the old kidnapper lady...
A movie about fricking dinosaurs run amok and fricking Camp Cretaceous has better kills
Who gets killed?
Two background extras FAR in the background during the Milan scene
An evil kidnapper dude. Dinosaur approaches him, see jaws open, fade to black and crunch sound
An extra during that shot from the trailer of the two Carnivores outside in Malta. He's on a scooter then gets eaten.
The main villain in a callback to JP1
Malta, not Milan. Theres no Milan scenes
>reddit spacing
>A movie about fricking dinosaurs run amok and fricking Camp Cretaceous has better kills
My sides.
Bro do you really need more then 3 reddit spacings?
Since you're from reddit can you explain to me why they use le so much?
I was in awe at how bad and stupid the last one was, did they frick up even more? I guess it follows the progression of the Star Wars sequels pretty well then. Mediocre retreat of the original, bafflingly written 2nd film and a horrible finale
It's definitely better than the last one, but I'm afraid that's not a high bar
Going from Top Gun: Maverick to this woke garbage will be extremely depressing for a lot of you 🙂
It won't cause I'm not gonna watch it. 😉
>didn't watch Top Gun
>not gonna watch Jurassic World
Based Primus poster
kys
>>didn't watch Top Gun
Much as I love Primus, that's not really something to be proud of.
not if you didn't watch top gun and don't plan to 🙂
I just wanna try the hardees promo burger
The only thing I didn't like was the sauce, which was a Carolina-style BBQ sauce. Mustard is unpleasant.
maybe I'll get the sauce on the side and put it on if I like it
yes yes it is, no wait its worse
>alan gram is a fricking old cuck
What the frick, They did it with Dr. Strange and I don't understand why, but now they do it with one of our beloved childhood characters. Why the hell is this fitiche cuck destroying everything??? There was no need for that at all. The worst of all sequels.
>/misc/ trying to stir shit again
Movie had a lot of problems, but politics isn't one of them.
Who's talking about politics?
Literally no one is surprised. The two before it were huge dumpster fires
>Jurassic park movie bad
No fricking shit
heres your dinosaur bro
cute!
Based.
nice wieners. very lean
Tell me those aren't dinosaurs.
are those ankle weights?
this fight hasn't even begun yet
No its where the severed raptor claw was
i don't believe you
You dont know what a rooster spur is? What kind of moronic city homosexual are you
Fun fact chickens were originally used for wienerfighting before they were being used for food
I mean, yeah. Was anyone expecting it to be good? Did they not see the first two?
The dinosaur "outbreak" in Fallen Kingdom looked like something that was very, very easy to contain.
It was, that's why the trailers for dominion tried to paint the dinosaurs as an actual threat to mankind while it really was fricking locusts eating crops. They're taking the audience for a bunch of morons.
Is it?
Do grant and Ellie get back together?
Yes, Trevorrow really hated JP3 so he spent the entire movie getting them back together.
*is the best human villain in your path*
What's with her eyes?
>smugtibetanfox.png
THE CHICK OF SEVERANCE IS IN THIS SHIT?
I WOULD NOW WATCH YOUR MOVIE
Yes, and she's the best part of the movie
Surprised as frick they didn't kill her. Why keep her alive?
for the next awful movie
Entire movie was terrified to kill off anyone. Extremely bloodless. Only Dodgson had a memorable death
Why is that dinosaur wearing human clothes?
Would've been a better plot than the locusts.
ALAN!
Biosyn facility looks like Apple headquarters. Lewis Dodgson looks like Tim Cook.
It was never going to be good anon. I'm seeing it it with some friends to make fun of it because its an inside joke we have and to hype myself up for the new dinosaurs in Evolution, the comfiest dinosaur park game to date
I am looking forward to the NEW DLC more than the movie.
Same.
>Built up as the new big bad dino
>Trevorrow the hack compares it to the Joker
>Just a big animal that doesn't even kill anyone the whole film
this, he also dies like a b***h
spino would have destroyed giga
It's hilarious that they were too scared to bring the Spino back because he was part of one of the 'bad' sequels while they make movies even worse than JPIII
AH HA, YOU EXPECTED JURRASIC WORLD, BUT IT WAS ME, THE SWARM!
ALAN
>HEY ALAN GET OFF MY PLANE
>Dad, Uncle Charlie, the chili and sea bass made me shit my pants *farts*
>Meeeeeeeeen
He's a big dino.
It's a good thing grant wasnt a teen, otherwise this could have become a debilitating fetish.
>pratt becomes a secondary character in his own film
chudbros...
The common thread here is Laura Dern. How can we be sure that she doesn't just turn movies to shit without the supervision of David Lunch?
I hope it bombs hard right after top gun so maybe these frickers realize cgi dinos aren’t the way.
yeah we need real dinosaurs already, get on with it
WHERE THE FRICK IS MY DINO DAMAGE
>final film in the trilogy
>brings back cast from the original
>still has to introduce a bunch of Black folk irrelevant to the plot
>becames a mess of stupid shit just like Rise of Skywalker
So those "reshoots" weren't because of COVID, it was because of a thug over dosed on Fentanyl
did anyone expect anything else after JW1 and 2?
Were there any good practical effects in this movie
No just cgi
shocker
white people in this country has no self control.Who the frick drives to a cinema ,buys food, and watches this shit for hours.
Exactly. I buy food before going.
I almost did, until i saw there were so many West African Bantu American side characters. They really hid that from the advertising and trailers until the last minute.
I damn near barf'd "watching" the first one and I turn around 360* and now theres 3?gross
Only good Jurassic movie was the first one.
Unlikely.
dino redditors btfo by based tom
surely it can't be THAT bad
The last two were really bad. Why would this be any different?
Who did they kill from Jurassic Park? Sam Neil, Laura Dern, or Jeff Goldblum? Or all three?
No one, even the bad guy who is super moronic, dies offscreen
>guy who dies onscreen in original is back somehow
>dies off screen anyways
What the shit?
Dodgson didn’t die in JP 1
>guy who dies onscreen in original
Who are you even talking about?
I'm glad they didn't kill any of the originals just because Disney made that the standard but are there any kino deaths whatsoever? So far in both JW movies only the assistant was a memorable kill.
>kino deaths
HAHAHAHA
bro these are the deaths with description:
>hired goon gets his arm swallowed inch by inch by a dino, shit looks fake and he hardly reacts. dies by suchomimus implied eating his head. remember they dont show it, just imply it
>random guy on a scooter gets swallowed by some dino, as seen in trailer
>main antagonist gets killed by 3 dilophosaurus. he asks one of them 'so what's your story?' and they reply by spitting the black goo on his face. then they roar and we never see him again
Fricking boring.
I don't get why they're so bloodless now. They weren't afraid to show a little blood in the first Jurassic World.
The first two JW movies were also hot garbage. Imagine being excited for this movie.
There hasn't been a good JP since the first
I'm still going to watch, and I'm going to enjoy it. I'm also going to buy the Dominion DLC for Evolution 2 and enjoy that as well
The "good" dinosaurs team up to defeat the "bad" one, just like the first movie.
Who the frick writes or even enjoys this garbage?
Alright just got home from the Kinoplex watching this. It was alright. Dinos were cool. Better than Fallen Kingdom for sure. I'd put it on the same level as Jurassic Park III.