Lord of the Rings

>Hmm... We need to get rid of this ring...
1. Use magic to get rid of it or teleport it to some very secret place
2. Get the elves and dwarves to work together to find a way to destroy it in their workshop
3. Give it to Tom Bombadil
4. Fight sauron and/or take the one ring as Gandalf the incorruptible white and throw it in mount doom.
5. Give it to a tiny peaceful Hobbit with no physical power or any experience, to ubereats deliver it to the enemys doorstep (succeeding only thanks to plot armour, not to mention that balrog could go in the lava and pick it up).

>hmm... A wizard as wise such as myself *smokes pipe* I shall choose option 5... And I shall give the Hobbit the bare minimum help, no bodyguard or guides, just send him with plot armour...

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  1. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    you are a homosexual

  2. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >Uber eats deliver it
    That's a good metaphor for the atrocious time it took for them to reach mount doom. It takes that long for my food to arrive to my door so I don't tip them.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      You have to tip at the checkout screen or remember to write in the delivery instructions that you'll be tipping with cash.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        They should give me a good service first.

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          They make nothing and you are paying a bid for faster service. So if you don’t tip them they will just leave your food.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        >tipping before hand

        it's lost all meaning at this point.

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          I've never used Uber Eats but I'm pretty sure if you don't tip beforehand drivers won't take the order. The delivery people like see a list of requests and can choose which order to do

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      You have to tip at the checkout screen or remember to write in the delivery instructions that you'll be tipping with cash.

      They should give me a good service first.

      They make nothing and you are paying a bid for faster service. So if you don’t tip them they will just leave your food.

      Don't tip the troglodyte salve class. They should be honoured they are being given the chance to deliver my food and being paid for it. They're good for almost nothing else.

  3. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >3. Give it to Tom Bombadil
    This, except Tulkas.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      He's moronic

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        and as such the perfect person to hold it

  4. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >Noo the eagles are a heckin elder race and don't care about stuff, they couldn't fly it in!
    >Huh? Sure yeah Gandalf can call them in to rescue a bunch of random dwarves whenever that's no problem.

  5. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    You know, wasting time writing all of this pretending to be moronic for replies makes you even more moronic than anyone else right?

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      I actually copied it besides it's fun.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        >Beta excuses instead of ghosting all butthurt posts like a true chad

  6. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    These threads get the best kind of cope.
    lotr gays are the biggest seethers imaginable

  7. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Where did they even get the idea that you can't destroy it any other way than by bringing it to Mt Doom? Why wouldn't Gandalf or some donut steel 50000000 year old elf not be able to unmake it?

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      >Why can't they just bring in a new 50000000 year old super elf named Gary Stu to deus ex Machina this entire plot?
      I hate you people.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        yes, that is the question, so what's the answer?

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          the super elves all fricked off to hang out in heaven

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Aule could easily unmake the ring. He literally taught Sauron how to do it. The problem was the divine refuse to intervene anymore. It kept making things worse. The overall moral is when gods get involved it always gets worse for the mortal life so the best option is to guide their actions and teach them

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      At the time the ring was manufactured. Sauron was the most powerful entity on Middle-Earth. Only the fires of Mount Doom, originally used to forge the ring, could un-make it.

      The real question you chumps should be asking is why the rest of the Valar didn't just fly Tulkas over to Barad-Dûr to casually kick the shit out of Sauron. It's not like Sauron was a man-made (or Elven-made) problem that Men and Elves ought to have to deal with because "muh free will". No, the reason the book gives for avoiding an outright war of the Gods against Sauron is because the last time that happened it broke the planet. But actually if you think about it, the reason the world got broke isn't because the Valar fought Sauron directly, it's because the Valar didn't want to have to slaughter 50 million Nùmenoreans, so they put matters directly into Eru's hands.

      But Sauron wasn't particularly powerful in the Third Age compared to the rest of the Valar. He could control weather and he had a lot of orcs working for him? The Valar could've just sent Tulkas carried by an Eagle, dropped him right into Sauron's tower and watched as he bent Sauron over and shafted him.

      Instead they inexplicably sent a decrepit amnesiac version of a low tier deity to try and persuade a scattered handful of mortals to take on Satan......

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        Tulkas is only purpose is to keep Morgoth out of arda. The end of the plot is Morgoth returns from the void with his legions of balrogs and void entities.
        The call is heard in valanor and halls of mandos is opened, all the ancient heros return to fight on middle earth including the human Turin, who one v ones morgoth using the black sword and slays his ass for all creatures to witness. At this point arda is fully destroyed, morgoth accomplishing is goals in death and at the same time granting mankind freedom of arda and a glorious return to eru

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        >the only way to destroy it was mount doom because... because the only way to destroy it was mount doom
        bravo tolkien

  8. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Gandalf is not uncorruptable though. In the books, when Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas find him in Fangorn there is a brief moment where he thinks about going and finding Frodo to get the ring to use it against Sauron.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      at that point in the book Gandalf had been trolling them and making them think he was Saruman

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        Not really. When they come across him that was the first time they saw him. The previous night they did in fact see Saruman. Interestingly though Aragorn when Aragorn is talking about who they saw it mentions that the horses didnt seem afraid when they fled, rather that the old man (Saruman) was a friend.

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          tbh I kind of took the horse thing to mean it was Gandalf, there was some but of dialogue he had that also led me to think this but I can't remember rn

          • 1 year ago
            Anonymous

            Yeah listening to Aragorn and Legolas that next morning after seeing him they make it sound like it was a benevolent figure (Gandalf). Which i will admit is odd. But when they meet up with Gandalf in Fangorn he flat out tells them it wasnt him they saw the night before and could only be Saruman, who had shown up to check on what happened to Ugluk and the other Uruk Hai

  9. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >hmmmm god sent me on a mission to guide humans but not directly interfere.
    >last time the divine intervened the entire planet was sundered and half of it rests underneath the ocean
    >sauron has already corrupted most of human civilization as they worship him
    >only job is to inspire men and tell them they can accomplish their goals if they muster courage, stay true to honor, and devote ourselves to one another.
    >the humans and hobbits destroy all evil once and for all
    >blessed by the divine and gifted once again the line of Numenorians
    >those who participated in the rings destruction are give respite outside the gates of elvish paradise.
    >god has given humanity and hobbits the blessing of joining god and separation from middle earth when they die
    >considered to be the ultimate gift
    The entire reason the Legendarium exists is to pay homage to the grace of god and the humans connection to his spirit. We are not bound to the world like the elvish

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      >hmmmm god sent me on a mission to guide humans but not directly interfere.
      maybe he should have sent someone to help Inceldur. What the frick was the point of "testing" humans again if this shit has already played out before?

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        Turns out god was right anyway and his method was perfectly executed against Morgoths twink. Humanity recovers, middle earth is purged of evil and the Numenorian race is restored humbling the planet again with superior love and kindness

  10. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >t. hasn't read the book

  11. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Seriously i can kind of understanding not wanting to read the book. But for the love of fricking god just read The Council of Elrond chapter where they all just sit and discuss how to get rid of the ring

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      but what's the fun in that

  12. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    You are right but as always Tolkien fans are moronic and explain away any obvious plot hole with some bullshit

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Because its explained in the context of the canon you moron. Why even argue with Tolkien nerds, they literally read it all and will info dump you

  13. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Gandalf's only level 5, he can't cast teleport

  14. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    The thing you have to accept with LOTR is that the whole story operates on magical destiny logic and that far-fetched or dumb shit that happens was always "meant to happen".

    Frodo literally tells Gandalf "Hey this Gollum dude seems fricking nasty and untrustworthy and we should just kill him" and Gandalf literally replies with "Nah I feel he still has some part to play before this story is done" and wouldn't you know it he's the one who leads them to Mt. Doom, and also the one who ultimately destroys the ring when Frodo isn't strong enough.

    Hacky writing? Part of the fantastical charm? A bit of both maybe.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Dummy. Gandalf is good. Killing Gollum because "eww" would be bad. Being good is good, so Gandalf ends up being right big time.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        So the moral of the story is, forgive your fellow (hobbit) man, even if he's a savage monkey creature?
        Does that mean we need more refugees then

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        Bilbo also just randomly stumbled on the ring and decided to steal it. So killing bad, stealing good?

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          Also cheated in that fricking riddle game, "what have I got in my pocket?" riddle my ASS.

          • 1 year ago
            Anonymous

            What did Odin whisper to Baldr on his funeral pyre? It's classic.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Headcanon but maybe Gandalf as a maia can feel some small part of the song of the Ainur subconciously and had a feeling Gollum had a part in it.

      I also believe only humans and hobbits have free will at all. Elves, dwarves, maiar etc are bound to the song, the earth etc.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        >Headcanon but maybe Gandalf as a maia can feel some small part of the song of the Ainur subconciously and had a feeling Gollum had a part in it.

        He definitely has some degree of clairvoyance but he also says "even the wise can not see all ends", he can just nudge people in the right direction. I think it's just something he does subconsciously.

  15. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >just keep the ring hidden
    Fricking stupid. Its made abundantly clear that Sauron doesnt need the ring to enforce his will on Middle Earth.
    >fly the eagles to mordor
    Also fricking dumb. Not exactly sneaky is it? Good way to get the eagles fricked off by nazgul and then give the ring back to Sauron

  16. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >What do you mean you were "balls deep" in Galadriel? Explain, Sauron!

  17. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Bombadil would never accept it

    Was a big anvil forged around the Ring then dropped into the ocean hundreds of miles away from the coast too much to do?

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      destroying the Ring is also the only hope of stopping Sauron. he had enough orc hordes to overrun all of Middle Earth, they would've never won the war.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        I was thinking of dumpi g the anvil into the ocean's deepest trenches where nothing at all can ever reach it. Something that is physically impossible to retrieve

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          It doesnt matter. Sauron still conquers all of middle earth even without the ring

          • 1 year ago
            Anonymous

            The gravity would crush the ring at some point, isn't?

  18. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Was it SO hard to use one of these?

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Can you imagine slowly grinding your finger into one of those?

  19. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    1. Assumedly the ring would be resistant to most forms of magic, either destructive or those used to conceal.
    2. It can only be destroyed by Mount Doom. I doubt this is because the lava is so hot but rather due to the magical nature of the ring.
    3. They cover this during the council, Tom would most likely lose the ring. Even if he didn't, he would not help during the war and eventually Sauron would destroy his land and take back the ring.
    4. Gandalf knows fully well that he is not incorruptible.
    5. It was a very risky move but Gandalf planned well ahead with the return of Aragorn as king, a situation he knew would draw Sauron focus, especially if he thought Aragorn had the ring.

  20. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    You guys should really just read the books if you keep making stupid threads like this.

  21. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >1. Use magic to get rid of it or teleport it to some very secret place
    This is not possible
    >2. Get the elves and dwarves to work together to find a way to destroy it in their workshop
    This is not possible
    >3. Give it to Tom Bombadil
    The books touch upon this during the council of Elrond. Gandalf believes this is not a good option and will fail
    >4. Fight sauron and/or take the one ring as Gandalf the incorruptible white and throw it in mount doom.
    This is a somewhat major point of discussion in the books and is not a good option
    >5. Give it to a tiny peaceful Hobbit with no physical power or any experience, to ubereats deliver it to the enemys doorstep (succeeding only thanks to plot armour, not to mention that balrog could go in the lava and pick it up).
    This is the best option and if you read the books you would know this. It is the most final and lasting way to definitively deal with Sauron and it is the best way to do it.

  22. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    https://streamable.com/5v292t

  23. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Gondor was losing the war even without the ring

  24. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Eru iluvatar could have taken 5 seconds out of his busy schedule of jerking off in Valinor and saved everyone a lot of trouble. It was ultimately his fault anyway.

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