Luke, did I ever tell you about Emperor Palpatine? He used to be Chancellor Palpatine, when the galaxy was a republic, 20 years ago, after tens of thousands of years of being a republic. He was horribly scarred due to a force lightning attack reflected back on him by my friend Mace Windu's lightsaber (watch out for that lightning, Luke! I'll try to remember to ask Yoda to teach you to reflect it with your lightsaber) but he claimed it was a Jedi attack on him, as a pretext to suppress the Jedi order and change the form of government in the most significant political development in millennia. Don't you know this already Luke? It was in all the holopapers.
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Reminds that the only canon Star Wars is the first movie. Everything else is fan fiction.
1st and 2nd
>oh Darth Vader isn't just some random dickhead who happens to be the ex-jedi who killed Luke's dad but still gets ordered around by senior Imperial officials, he's really the most important person in the universe!
I dunno Anon. A lot of the future problems of Star Wars start with Empire.
this except only the first draft script of that flick is canon
RotJ is the best one. Bob Fett dies a supporting character and you never have to worry about him again.
Based
>vader killing his own men like a moronic psycho just because he choked that one guy once in ANH
>vader retconned as luke's father
>obi wan is a literal force ghost
The force vision in TESB wasn't so bad since it was short and Luke was on the brink of dying from hypothermia so it came across almost like it could have been a hallucination. There was a slight uncertainty if Luke was even going to find anything on the planet the ghost told him about (well of course he was because it's fiction and it would have been pointless if he didn't)
It's a far cry from the depiction of force ghosts in ROTJ where they just walk around and converse like they had never died at all.
Cringe
They know it was a republic morons, Tarkin literally says so.
Gay Black person
Nothing after they destroy Alderaan is cannon. #notmyscript
Luke, watch out for that vicious bounty hunter Boba Fett! Did I ever tell you l fought his dad? He was hired to assassinate a senator I and your father were guarding. We kept bringing her around open windows and public areas in order to draw the would-be assassin out because we knew he had too much pride to just shoot her from long range. He had used his payment to hire another bounty hunter to kill the senator for him while he sent us on a wild bantha chase. Also the 2nd assassin used her payment to buy a robot to assassinate the senator for her. Did I mention the 2nd assassin was a shapeshifter? She could have been a good friend in disguise and just shot the senator for all we knew! Then the robot used its payment to buy poisonous bugs to release into the senators room while she slept after lasering a hole through the window. It could have just lasered her too after that because we we weren't watching her at all but it already bought the bugs. So we sense the hostile life forms not the robot in the room and rush in and save the senator in the nick of time!
Then I jumped out the window to chase the robot back to its owner! Luckily it didn't have a self destruct function. Then we found the 2nd assassin and chased her across the planet and caught her when she tried to kill us instead of shapeshifting and escaping. But to our surprise Jango Fett was watching the whole thing instead of going to kill the senator while we were away chasing the bugs chasing the robot chasing the shapeshifter. He shot her with a poisonous dart instead of sniper blaster and only her instead of shooting all of us or blowing all of us with a rocket or something then he escaped with his tiny jetpack.
Luckily for the senator my good friend Dexterr Jettster owned a 50s dinner on Coruscant that had Republic secrets on the menu along with cheeseburgers and malt shakes. We found the assassin and Mace Window killed him later right in front of Boba. And he was a good friend.
Is it true that you fought in the Clone Wars?
A true masterpiece
George Lucas is not a bad writer, you're just a boomer who just doesn't understand it
The real redpill is that this shit is a staple of both trilogies, but people just can't admit it.
ESB has some of the greats
>walkers move slow as shit for no reason besides plot
>Emperor just takes Vader's advice that Luke turning would be a good idea as if the thought never occurred to him
>if you leave now help them you could, but you would destroy all that they have fought for (Yoda is wrong about this because plot)
etc etc etc
This stuff is everywhere in the OT.
move slow as shit for no reason
Because they're big heavy machines, why wouldn't they move slowly?
>Yoda is wrong about this
Yoda wasn't wrong at all, it very nearly gets Luke killed because he's not ready to take Vader on
And when he was ready to take on Vader he still had no clue how to deal with palpatine. Reality is the ending was a little Harry potteresque but because the characters abd story were so good it was an acceptable outcome
Palpatine didn't want to kill her he wanted her to hide on Naboo so Jarjar would be the stand in that advocates in favour of his emergency powers. He also wanted Obiwan to find the Clone Army so he could start the Clone Wars. And he wanted Anakin on Naboo with Padme so he would get attached to her so he could manipulate him later.
Did he want to end up looking like scrotum too? Cmon he was a genius but that's stretching it
His ultimate goal though was getting killed on Exegol by his new trans-vessel. That was that old gooner's fetish.
Exe- what? Is that some fanfic vid from youtube?
>Disney fanfiction
We don't talk about that here.
Damn, inbreeding really is bad for you.
Rey Wana Wanga
>dude he totally didn't want to kill her
>please ignore the fact that this is nowhere implied in the movies or any of the secondary source material
>or the fact palpatine would not need padme alive to get emergency powers
>or how even if this is somehow true it would still be exceptionally moronic
He needs Padme to tempt Anakin into abandoning the Jedi ways, you muppet.
Damn you morons are really ignorant about the story.
no he didn't, he has been doing that well before he and padme were even that close, at best he just took advantage of it when Anakin was telling him about the concerns he had, he could have easily still manipulated him without padme in the picture, so again your entire headcanon is moronic and is just you coping over the fact Lucas just made an exceptionally moronic plot line
saved
Having a very primitive droid deliver smallish lifeforms is plausible if they have detectors for things like weapons and dangerous chemicals.
Assassins playing the outsourcing game makes sense because in case of failure they survive.
But the rest is fairy lousy.
Why am I crying
and he was a good friend
Gee Ben, it sounds like these Palpatine and Boba Fett people both went on revenge tours and destroyed the Jedi and government all because of this Mace Windu fellow.
What was his melanin count in relation to his midichlorians?
Strong enough to have strange influence over the color of his lightsaber, I'm afraid.
How very peculiar
>She could have been a good friend in disguise and just shot the senator for all we knew!
Completely & utterly lost
This was all Amidala's fault. She was the one who authorized motherfricking Jar Jar Binks to take her place in the senate.
Nah, That was Palpatine’s real face.
20 years ago scientists knew that male and female were different things.
Societies can go through rapid declines and knowledge and wisdom are quickly lost through revolutions.
Those scientists were just a bunch of exact same npcs, the psycho israelites just didn't have the power to brainwash them on such a scale yet
>Societies can go through rapid declines
No. Don't confuse technological upgrade of commodities for progress, don't underestimate capitalism's novelty in history.
The Plagueis novel is pure fun and nothing in Star Wars will ever be this batshit insane, edgy, and simultaneously soulful in the franchise ever again.
>Disney has all this kino just waiting to be adapted and they refuse to do anything with it
Sidious talked ten uninterrupted pages of shit before he killed him to.
>Luke, did I ever tell you that the little astromech droid you have with you used to belong to your father, Anakin Skywalker, and was a constant companion of ours during the Clone Wars? In fact, it was originally in the service of your mother, Queen Amidala of Naboo, but eventually found its way into Anakin's possession at the outbreak of the war
https://vocaroo.com/13cVykobml8D
https://vocaroo.com/16x0S55mZzRg
https://vocaroo.com/1mKIHlRtWD9N
https://vocaroo.com/1foEueiBjXe2
Luke, did I ever tell you that your mother was the Queen of Naboo? That doesn't make you a prince because it's not a heriditary monarchy but an electoral monarchy where the Queen is elected every two years. The kings or queens served for two-year terms which were renewable once. The people of Naboo often elected young women, believing they possessed a form of pure, childlike wisdom that the adults lacked. Your mother was fourteen when she was elected and served two terms. Theoretically, however, virtually anyone could be elected the new king or queen. Whilst the position of monarch carried with it actual power and an active role in governing the planet and its people, the establishment of the Galactic Empire saw the position reduced to that of a mere figurehead as all meaningful authority was transferred to the newly appointed Moff Quarsh Panaka. He was your mother's bodyguard during our mission to Naboo and he was a good friend.
>Moff Quarsh Panaka.
Did they really name the character Quarsh?
On his planet it means "hope"
Luke, did I ever tell you about Order 66? It was the Emperor's secret codeword to initiate the great genocide of the Jedi Order, of which there were only a handful of survivors, including Mill Alibeth, Djinn Altis, Tiberus Anderlock, Klossi Anno, Aqinos, Fable Astin's mother, Baylan Skoll, Kelleran Beq, Nej'a Berto'Lo, Ood Bnar, Bon, Empatojayos Brand, Brianna, Maris Brood, Drun Cairnwick, Caryn, Shen-Ji Collun, Winslau Da'k, Vima-Da-Boda, Winslau Da'k's Jedi Master, Death Star Prisoner, Markus Dorivonn, Ekria, Elaiza, Selrahc Elous, Neth Enasteri, Tallisibeth "Scout" Enwandung-Esterhazy, F, Minos Fel'Kona, Gel, Genel, Gerrick, Din Grogu, Gungi, Kina Ha, Halbret, Hal Horn, Ikrit, Ilum, Roganda Ismaren, Ylenic It'kla, Kanan Jarrus, Jedi Prisoner, Darrus Jeht, Jek-14, Dass Jennir, Jerec, Jiro, Jorad, Drakka Judarri, Bardan Jusik, Kai Justiss, K'Kruhk, Kaoln, Coleman Kcaj, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Danaan Kerr, Cal Kestis, Sinsor Khal, Ka-Moon Kholi, Jimbo Kinnison, Rahm Kota, Matarmeno Krahn, Darth Krayt, Drake Lo'gaan, Taron Malicos, Vanzell Mar-Klar, Nichos Marr, Maw, Naq Med, Celeste Morne, Noirah Na, Nable, Lora Nadad, Deran Nalual, Nedriss Narr, Nia, Nos'lyn, Feris Olyn, Onkya, Pann, Diala Passil, Jax Pavan, Chase Piru, Plett, Qid Proko, Qu Rahn, Oppo Rancisis, Jin-Lo Rayce, Tyneir Renz, Aven Rolk, Rugal, T'ra Saa, Joc Sah, Sardoth, Seddwia, Reva Sevander, Corwin Shelvay, Echuu Shen-Jon, Kara Shuba, Ydra Kilwallen Sibwarra, Sidirri, Rachi Sitra, Vivert Stag, Olee Starstone, Kennan Taanzer, Ahsoka Tano, Damien Tantrellius, Dorn Tavers, Tholme, Vhiin Thorla, Wise Man of Kooroo, Togorian youngling, Antinnis Tremayne, Jee Ken Tsokee, Bre'ano Umakk, Hoddas Umgil, Unidentified Human female Jedi, Unidentified Human male Jedi, Trilinae Untaire, Urootar, Uvell, Sarn Vals, Vamilad, Kira Vantala, Quinlan Vos, Roni von Wasaki, Antaria Wellos, Yoda, Zao, and Arligan Zey.
Now the Jedi are all but extinct. And they were good friends.
are thse EU
how many canon (televsoon & film ) survivors
hmm ?!/?
In "Star Wars," only a small number of Jedi survived Order 66, the event in which the clone troopers turned on their Jedi leaders. Specifically, Jedi Masters Yoda, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Anakin Skywalker (who later became Darth Vader) were among the survivors. Additionally, a few other Jedi, such as Kanan Jarrus and Ahsoka Tano, also survived this period, but they were not present during the initial execution of Order 66.
the black chick form obi wan show ws a jedi yopungling IIRC also the dude that rescued her
did he sruvive?
cannot ememb
keyboard brken
was baby yoda alive druing order 66
tahst anotehr onE !
thats another one !
So
Anakiin
Oh Bee One
Yoda
bady Yoda
Ahoksa
Kanan Jarrus (SW rebels)
black chick ( Oh Bee one)
>was baby yoda alive druing order 66
Thank you for your question. "Baby Yoda," actually named Grogu, is a character from the Star Wars series The Mandalorian, which is set after the events of Order 66. In the timeline of the series, Grogu is born during the reign of the Empire, so he was not alive during Order 66.
ashoka tano is a moronic made up character for kids watching moronic TV series where in a span of two years anakin and obi wan have 50 adventures
Treating her as canon is as moronic as treating disney as canon, it's just goyslop to make money even if Lucas invented her or whatever
>ashoka tano
Yes, Ashoka Tano is a canonical character in the Star Wars universe. She is a Jedi Padawan who first appeared in the animated series, Star Wars: The Clone Wars. She also plays a significant role in Star Wars Rebels and has a rich backstory in various other Star Wars media.
Thanks chatnpc I know what she is, a moronic character that makes zero sense if you stop and think for even a minute (anakin gets a padawan thats never mentioned in the episode 3 and has 50 adventures during two years of war, one major event every week) injected to make money. She's not canon, in fact since Disney only the six movies can be reliably considered canon at this point
Disney owns Lucasfilm, the production company behind Star Wars, and therefore considers Star Wars content produced under their banner as part of the official Star Wars "canon." This includes the main saga films, as well as standalone movies, animated series, and additional materials like books and comics
a literal bot lmao
They are everywhere unfortunately
i am wuman i am just trying out AI
Incorrect. The Disney films directly contradict the comics and visual dictionary.
>Incorrect. The Disney films directly contradict the comics and visual dictionary.
Just corpofic.
>only the six movies can be reliably considered canon at this point
Lies! Deception!
>TV series where in a span of two years anakin and obi wan have 50 adventures
Honestly I get this feeling whenever I watch TCW, its like Filoni thinks the clone wars was like 7 years long and not 3
Seethe, moronic dumbhomosexual, lmao. You can't even get your fricking facts straight. The Clone Wars lasted three years, not two. Three years is a little under 1100 days. Plenty of time to have all kinds of adventures in a fricking intergalactic war. Lucas also did not make the show to make money, considering that he invested over $1,000,000 into each episode, making it cost at least $22,000,000 per season. He did it for his own leisure and to tell a story. Soulless money thing that had nothing in common with creativity was the EU slop, which was just a bunch of no-name authors writing slop for food that doesn't cost anything to produce and that morons will buy regardless, because it had a Star Wars logo slapped onto it — which Lucas did not consider canon, of course.
What Lucas considers canon has about as much merit as what my dog considers food. Lucas is a fricking moron and my dog eats cat shit.
Dogs often resemble their masters. Which says a lot about you. It's no one's fault but yours that your dog eats cat shit.
And what Lucas considers canon is the only thing that has merit when it comes to Star Wars, since he made the whole thing to begin with.
He made up nonsense and his ex-wife edited it into a coherent movie at the 11th hour. Then he surrendered creative control for the best film in the trilogy, Empire, to another actually talented person. That person left for the third film and Lucas regained more control, and made what is regarded as the weakest film in the trilogy.
You're a gay moron.
>and his ex-wife edited it into a coherent movie at the 11th hour
Debunked.
>Then he surrendered creative control for the best film in the trilogy, Empire, to another actually talented person.
Kershner's lowest rated film on RT has half the score of George's.
You should get a trip and do this full time! Better yet, become a well-known Reddit gimmickposter.
where da argument at fool
>You should get a trip and do this full time!
Ironic, considering that you're a colossal homosexual and already do your spamming of lies full time.
Huh, a bunch of moronic lies debunked by 5 seconds of googling.by a moron who thinks "Star Wars was saved in the editing by le Marcia Lucas!" Not surprising, coming from a subhuman, whose dog eats cat shit by his own admission.
Five seconds of googling confirms I'm right about everything I said. There's an entire book on this published by a university press.
Now have a nice day. And don't forget to take your cat shit eating dog with you.
>youtube video essay
moron. Please read the numerous books on this topic and then speak about it.
I've never said this before, but meds.
>Please read the numerous books on this topic and then speak about it.
That video cites pretty much all the relevant books.
I just wanted to waste your time because I find your gimmick contrarianism obnoxious. Glad I snared three homosexuals just by making up some book. Couldn't give two shits about this dumb movie or your reddit wars over it.
>contrarianism
Lucas is why the original film is good. It's just a fact. No opinions involved.
The original film is alright, and Lucas seems to have five or ten moronic ideas for every good one, and to be genuinely autistic and incapable of various things essential for moviemaking (especially dialogue and characters).
Marcia Lucas only edited the Death Star battle and the deleted scenes from the start with Biggs and Luke (which fought to keep in the movie! It was George who wanted to cut them) before buggering off to edit a Scorsese movie. Most of the film was actually edited by Richard Chew and Paul Hirsch (under Lucas's guidance - also Lucas cut together a few sequences himself, specifically the TIE fighter battle is his work.) When she says she "made it work" I assume she's just talking about the fact that Luke originally did 2 trench runs in the script and when George decided to cut it down to one run she managed to blend the 2 pretty seamlessly and moved a couple of beats around to compensate (and she totally deserves credit for, y'know, editing it's just the whole myth around her that she saved the movie despite being the editor who worked on the film the least is nonsense).
What people get confused by is the work done by John Jympson, the original editor who Lucas fired. Apparently the way he was cutting the footage together was incredibly dull - hence why George fired him and hired 3 new editors to help him re-cut the entire movie from scratch after filming wrapped. But somehow the internet's transformed it into some "disastrous first cut" which George HIMSELF edited which the editors (and often just Marcia alone) magically saved in post behind George's back. It's just not true though.
Now please, read a book on suicide, or something. And don't forget to take your cat shit eating mutt with you.
>I've never said this before
All of those moronic claims were made almost word for word numerous times before, and anyone who knows how to use the archives can see it for himself. Yes, meds, for you. Preferably cyanide.
You in particular are genuinely unwell though.
I'd be hard pressed to even call her a character.
She's nothing and says nothing and continues to do nothing yet somehow she's a """fan""" favorite.
>Luke, did I ever tell you about Ahsoka Tano? She was your father’s exotic teenage alien apprentice, a fine piece of jailbait from a more civilized age. She had the tightest body and the perkiest little breasts in the galaxy; barely legal in most systems. Anakin and I used to doubleteam her at the end of every successful campaign during the Clone Wars, and once in a while we’d even have the entire 501st run a train over her, part of official Jedi “training” of course. In time, she learned how to handle a meatsaber better than anyone in the Jedi Temple. She wore a miniskirt every day so we told her there were no panties in space, and since she was constantly doing acrobatics you’d get a glimpse of her orange pussy mid fight as she’d do a flip while slicing a B2 Super Battledroid in half. It was surreal. We taught her to grip her weapon backwards like a dildo and she constantly got captured by pirates and slavers almost every other day. It was ridiculous, like a constant porno Luke, you have no idea. And she was a good friend.
No idea, most of them seem canon tho I'm not sure about the unidentified male/female Jedi, they could be from the old vidyas
Most of those names are the new Disney canon jedi
Mix of both Legends and Canon characters
The list of jedi who survived order 66 reminds me of the list of living holocaust survivors
Truly, Unidentified Human male Jedi was a good friend
For me, it's F
He was a good friend
I wish I was Obi Wan's good friend 🙁
>I'm very lonely Luke, out here in my isolated desert bolthole. Be a good friend and give it a little kiss and a suck and maybe I'll help you on your quest.
Is he circumcised? Is circumcision practiced in Star Wars?
>Luke, did I ever tell you about Nute Gunray? In the days of the Old Republic, Gunray was the Viceroy of the Trade Federation and a powerful military leader. He continually placed his trust in a mysterious hooded figure who instructed him to use his vast military resources to invade and occupy Naboo, kidnap and imprison her head of state, and conspire to overthrow the Galactic Republic whose profitable trade routes directly benefitted him and his entire business! Gunray later joined the separatist movement, furthering the destabilization of trade and inter planetary cooperation. You may be wondering how such a misguided and naive character could become the overseer of such an impressive galactic body as the Trade Federation, but I'm afraid I haven't any answers for you
wat
Once again SW fans fail at watching a kid's film.
>Why would the money hungry and amoral Trade Federation secede from the Galactic Republic who was increasing their trade route taxes in favor of an alliance block of independent star systems who wouldn't have those trade route taxes in place and is much more susceptible to being influenced by wealthy mega corporations?
>And he was a good friend
Jedi canonically aren't celibate, so do you think it was kosher for Kenobi to frick Ahsoka? Obviously there would be rules about master/padawan fricking, but Kenobi was just a friend not her actual master. Age wouldn't necessarily mean anything, what is a "year" in a government with a million worlds all spinning at different rates, and nearly as many species? She was old enough to fight a war and be repeatedly ordered into Normandy style invasions that killed thousands, so I assume she could eat out Barriss without too much or an issue.
Just something to think about.
Anyways, your father wanted you to have this, Luke. It's your father's lightsaber. This is the weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a blaster. He slaughtered 30 children with it and murdered an entire village with it right here on Tatooine.
I took it from him after I cut his legs off and left him to burn alive in a volcano. He was a good friend. He screamed at me "I HATE YOU" as his limbless body began to catch fire. The smell was terrible, Luke, you could never imagine. Mustafar already has this sulfuric odor attacking your nostrils at any moment, Mustafar is a planet that is continuously on fire by the way, but I could still smell your father's burning flesh through it all.
It is an elegant weapon, for a more civilized age.
Use it well.
LEL
Excellent
>He was a good friend. He screamed at me "I HATE YOU" as his limbless body began to catch fire
top jej
Ben; "4.8million disney+ subscribers just cried out in anguish... and were pissed off by the poofters"
Luke; "The Death Star again?"
Ben; "No, Luke... Vader destroyed that for you. The Acolyte just dropped."
Luke; "Poor c**ts! Another game of holo-monster-chess?"
"Luke! Reach out with the Lesbianism... use your feelz"
Is it really orange?