'Member Clerks and Clerks II?
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'Member Clerks and Clerks II?
Thalidomide Vintage Ad Shirt $22.14 |
Nothing Ever Happens Shirt $21.68 |
Thalidomide Vintage Ad Shirt $22.14 |
Yeah man they're my favorite movies and the only ones I ever bother to re-watch.
What could possibly clerks 3 even be about
probably own a new store or some plot from the animation
i cant erven remember the end of 2
They had some party and some guy rocked up with a donkey to frick someone, that's all i remember and even remembering that is too much brain space wasted
Kevin Smith will see a superman promotional slurpee and start crying
ohhhhh yeah! the fricking kid goes crazy and its some dude and the stallion show and they watch a guy frick a pony or donkey
They bought the old quick stop and renovated it.
I heard its going back to the conveinence but this time around they own it. Also didnt daunte have a kid at the end of 2?
Big Harv got caught so Kevin Smith has to shit out a new movie. No more Weinstein help
it's two straight hours of the porch monkey bit from 2
God, I fricking wish
I just recently found out what a moon cricket was
38-100
I don't know but I guarantee he'll shoe horn his daughter into it and have half the movie revolve around her and her dog shit acting
and have her do her first "professional" nude scene promoting the current thing while he's in the background crying as silent bob
I will now watch your kino.
Randall has a heart attack and he decides to make a movie about his life. Basically they are making Clerks 1.
Would be a good opportunity to have his gf or someone frick him while he’s unconscious without realizing, throwback and such
A 7-11 or Wawa opens threatening the Quick Stop. And the owners are Nazis or something.
>They look outside and Edward Norton is ranting about the Quick Stop and it's just a straight up rip off of American History X
i'd laugh
They slack at a dead end job and talk about Star Wars you moronic double Black person Jesus fricking christy mack
>Jesus fricking christy mack
You need Jesus in your life if your phone autocorrects Jesus Christ to a pornstar name. Fricking coomer.
Is johnny depps daughter still in all her scenes or has she jumped ship from Kevin smith movies now?
she looks stinky
porch monkeys
>Too old for this shift
The woes of being hopelessly middle-aged and still trying to lead a slacker lifestyle meant for stoned highschoolers.
I loved how the virgins are flabbergasted by the prostitute who says she sucks 42 men in one night
I ain't flabbergasted. Some women can open there mouths really wide.
Reminds me of that video of some British(?) slag who puts 20+ dicks in her mouth in quick succession because the DJ or someone said whoever sucks the most dick in a minute wins a free trip to Majorca.
"Trip to Majorca" was the name of a wienertail they sold.
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/magaluf-girl-video-teen-who-3806938 the video is still online
u got a link to the vid, i cant find it
search xrares magalof
its shit tho
Jesus Christ women are stupid.
"And that's how I met your mother."
>"Trip to Majorca" was the name of a wienertail they sold.
They were in magaluf at the time and I think she knew it was a wienertail, really it's just a den of moronic drunk teens who go wild, mate of mine used to work with her in an O2 shop a d said she was very dumb
Kevin Smith’s movies seem to have a lot of men that can’t cope with women having sexual history and sabotaging an otherwise good relationship because of it
She was mad because he slept with 8 other girls. He was mad because she said she slept with 2 other guys but omitted the fact that she also sucked 36 other dicks which "didn't count".
How does that change anything he said?
They are incredibly average movies. You have to have pretty low standards to hold these movies with high regard.
>sneed
He should have stayed fat.
> Jay and Silent Bob Get AIDS
Smith shouldnt have lost weight and mewes should have got new teeth that fit in his mouth
The first movie had some of the worst takes make it into the final version, like the detective lady is stumbling over the entirety of her dialogue
>My daughter sucked 37 dicks
In a row?
Nah itll be >my son
>Naughty girl needs love too
i dislike clerks but it is one of kevin smiths only decent films
i hate how cuckold-themed some of his films are
clerks and chasing amy
Clerks is weird because it’s the same duo of people twice, there’s Dante and his buddy, and Jay and Silent Bob. It’s just one energetic stoner talking to his less energetic friend about something stupid, twice, the whole movie
That's what makes them so good.
I saw the animated series before the movies and I thought the joke was for the longest time that it was same two guys playing four people
Yeah I saw Jay and Silent Bob first and then when I saw clerks I was surprised there was a second Jay and silent Bob
Clerks II is one of my favorite 00s movies and had a perfect ending for these characters imo.
The last decent film Smith made, it was the perfect ending making a third one seems pointless and if its anything like the first 10 mins of the last Jay and Silent Bob film, it will be painfully bad.
>decent
its easily his best movie
>making a third one seems pointless
That's the era of Hollywood we're living in. Pointless sequels. Matrix 4, Toy Story 4, Incredibles 2, the Jurassic World trilogy, etc
Clerks has name recognition and if Smith isn't given orders to remake one of his "good" movies then he'll make another stinker like Tusk and not sell any tickets.
>too old for this
Who the audience?
Delayed adolescents, so Kevin Smith himself
The few Kevin Smith fans that haven't completely given up on him yet, his movies are dog shit now and he's so fricking cringe
>kevin smith doesn't make funny movies anymore
>kevin smith lost his Jersey edge
>kevin smith does too much sentimental horseshit
>kevin smith's He-Man is terrible
Kevin Smith literally posts pictures of himself crying over "world hunger" on social media. WTF happened?
the weed killed his brain
where is the bit where the laid back gen xers start becoming bitter and end up radicalised by the internet?
Weed unironically ruined Kevin Smith. I say this as an addict.
I'm a heavy weed smoker and I agree, it turned him into a whiney b***h
Weed isnt for everybody, despite what people say.
T. 30 year old daily smoker since 13
Clerks: Good
Mallrats: Not good
Chasing Amy: Good
Dogma: Not bad
Jay and Silent Bob: Bad
Jersey Girl: Very bad
Clerks II: Bad
Zack and Miri: Not bad
Cop Out: Very bad
Red State: Not bad
Jay & Bob Cartoon: Bad
Tusk: Bad
Yoga Hosers: Very bad
Jay and Silent Bob Reboot: Bad
Conclusion: Bad
>Jay and Silent Bob: Bad
wrong
Prime Eliza and Ali are enough to make it good.
Clerks 2 wasn't bad though.
Yes it was
Do you mean the Clerks animated series? I thought it was pretty funny.
Chasing Amy is his best pic, followed closely by J&SB strike back
>Tusk: Bad
it's his best film
>Mallrats: Not good
Found the guy that couldn't see the boat.
Chasing Amy fricking blew ass
Mallrats is underrated. Clerks II and Jay and Silent Bob are great.
Mallrats is awesome
Tusk was good
The script to Chasing Amy is way better. The actress in the film simply isn't frickable enough to believable as the hot chick.
Mallsrats and Jay & Silent Bob were fun.
Kevin Smith is fricking clown shoes
It's crazy to think people thought he was tarantino tier back in the day and he just went nowhere and really did nothing. The real pity is that there was a time i respected him because he seemed real and referenced a bunch of nerd / kid cultural stuff, which i guess you think is cool when you're 16
>there was a time i respected him because he seemed real and referenced a bunch of nerd / kid cultural stuff
You weren't wrong at the time. He wasn't secretly a low T gay all along, he just changed over time. He got old and lost his edge. That's what excessive weed and being over 50 does to a mf
>That's what excessive weed
He actually never really smoked weed until he was making Zack and Miri, Seth Rogan got him into it. He had already long since lost his skill and edge by then (that's post Clerks 2), so the weed didn't have much to do with it. He also only just turned 50 in 2020.
So he was just always like this lol
There seems to be some weird "Uncle Tom to the Normalgays" thing going on with the old guard edgy nerds. Even some oldgays from SA and early Cinemaphile have turned into pissy, crybaby cucks who are completely addicted to Twitter engagement. I guess the influx of normalgays on social media, combined with them already being versed and established in the current nu-cool (aka nerd culture and internet bullshit), gave them the keys to have that mainstream popularity they'd always secretly longed for, so they threw away their pride and jumped on it. It's sad to see that some of the people I posted with on /b around 18 years ago are the same gays who cry on social media about VAXXED N MASKED, muh niños in cages, BLM, etc
there used to be super talented people hanging out in random threads
but why make free shit for morons who don't appreciate it when you can post it on reddit or twitter and not only get a better response but actually make money?
You can get paid to shitpost? Frick! Ive been wasting my life!
i think simply put, for them it was just an "edgy phase"
like for the 60s marxists/maoists that ended up being conservatives from their 30s onwards
if you watch older interviews you realize he was worth listening to. now hes insufferable, weed literally ruined him
oh I member
member Mallrats?
And people thought 2 was excessive
I really liked the first one, the second one was pretty bad though.
I can only imagine how shit III will be considering how bad Kevin Smith has gotten
is that in the middle a trannie?
I suppose this is ‘people who are moronic from weed’ general so I’m going to take this chance to shit on Doug Benson. Not only is he a shit interviewer and entertainer but he’s an butthole host as well, when he brought 50 year old Jack Black on and bullied him for being uncomfortable on camera stoned and tweaking, it was just awful. It wasn’t even just bullying it’s like the idiot is so dumb he doesn’t even understand why someone would tweak
Mind throwing up a link to that shit?
The picture that broke Cinemaphile
is he eating a fricking block of cheese?
I think the curtain drape jorts is the bigger offender here
he is eating a block of fricking cheese!
homosexual detected
frick off kevin
the arm with the block of cheese looks shopped in
disinformation chuds
This must be a roastie. Anytime people are having fun, they just have to parachute in and ruin everything.
So it seems Smith hasn't made anything people like for 20 years so he's shitting out another Reddit movie. Get ready for more cringe.
They should have done Jay and Silent Bob meet Bill and Ted twenty years ago. Just saying
Seeing how the actors aged from clerks to clerks 2 was jarring as frick. How could you let those guys be filmed like that? Why not get them on a crash diet at least or spend some money on trainers and dieticians. Maybe even plastic surgery. Fricking Clerks 2 was fricking brutal male wall schlock. I can't believe they are making a third one.
Jeff Anderson looked fine.
The worst part is they're supposed to be in their early 30's in that movie.
They were 26 playing 22 in Clerks and 36 playing 32 in II. It's really not jarring at all. Guys working retail and fast food don't exactly age like wine.
Here's your Clerks III bruh...
Black dont crack
What the frick happened to Elias?
Too many Mooby burgers.
Its called getting older. Will happen to you as well. Oh it will
that's not getting older, that's eating too much. He's only 40.
I was born the same year as him and am the same weight right now as I was my senior year of high school. There were a few periods of my life where I started to gain a bit of weight, but as soon as it became noticible I would start exercising and/or watching what I ate more carefully. I've managed to keep a consistent routine with a consistent weight for the last 7 years or so. It's not difficult to not be a gluttonous lazy piece of shit.
What else have you done with that razor sharp discipline of yours besides shitpost on Cinemaphile?
>count your calories to make sure you're not overeating
>or overeat a bit and work out a few days a week to burn off the excess
>razor sharp discipline
Since you asked though my work ethic has landed me a nice job in advertising in which I have a lot of freedom and flexibility to waste on things like shitposting here.
He paid the troll toll
Pillow pants does that to a MF
>bro let’s make a quirky movie
>1 month tops
>30 years later......
Randall doesn’t look happy
He's not, he hasn't wanted to do any more of these for years, but when you're getting Hollywood money thrown at you how can you turn it down
wow look at that dude's moose knuckle
>HE DOESN'T CLOSE HIS WORK TSHIRT BECUASE HE IS A REBEL AT FRICKING 80 YEARS OLD WOW
god,..
Dante looking like he's about to order a hit on some kid that stole $5 worth of Snickers and Mike N Ikes
>movie ends with Randall finishing his screenplay
>the title? "Clerks"
Imagine being in your 30s and not working a regular office job like an adult
>Imagine being in your 30s and not working a regular office job like an adult
Yeah, imagine sitting on your ass all day wrecking your back, starting at a screen, getting carpal tunnel from the mouse/keyboard and having to deal with the threat of having your job outsourced.
Tried it and it was total hell for me. Now I work a physical outdoors job and love it.
I used to work as a clerk so the first movie really hits home. The porch money joke in the 2nd movie still kills me. I have zero hope for a modern day Kevin Smith movie though.
Why? The Jay und Silent Bob Reboot was genuinely good
Not it wasn't, it was absolutely dog shit
>he's still #MadAtBob
>thinking Smith's daughter's shitty acting was good
Literally the only good scene was the Affleck cameo. Otherwise, dogshit
Kevin Smith lost all nerd cred with his woke He-Man, and lost all popular cred with being a woke b***h.
The movies were too accurate growing up in middle class suburbs in NJ. I love how in Clerks 2 Randall evolves into trolling handicapped people on internet.
Remember when the host of hot ones had beef with Kevin Smith and lied about the circumstances around it lol
No, care to share the story?
Qrd? It means quick run down
What? Never heard of this
Pic related is a tweet from Smith and his vid:
Sean Evans even put out a vid addressing everything lying about what happened.
what a petty soi boy
He said it was in good fun, and it's clearly just a skit like Kimmel bumping Matt Damon. Why choose this to sperg over?
anyone still following Kevin Smith in current year is a knuckle dragger Anon
Starting to see that.
Holy fricking shit does Kevin not know how to do ANYTHING ELSE then this fricking drivel, I wish to god I never watched Mall Rats or anything back then if I knew it would lead to this fat skinny prick still making the same garbage and posting selfies of himself frickin cryin.
Problem is no one watched Jersey Girl where he tried something different, some kind of evolution from Chasing Amy,, that movie was dragged and bombed just because everyone and their mothers was sick to death about Ben Affleck, the twist is that it is actually a pretty good movie but Kevin seeing the mess went the other way and now we live on a universe where fricking Clerks III is a thing
Fricking pussy ass Kevin, too coward to stand against his own stupid moronic "fans"
>no blacks on sight
Whoa. What a racist movie!
Why don’t the guys that play Dante and Randall ever get any work? They really deserve more credit as the only actors who have been able to make Kevin’s dialogue sound in any way natural.
Randall doesn't want work, he wants to be left alone in his retirement community. Dante has gotten a lot of z list roles.
>Why don’t the guys that play Dante and Randall ever get any work?
Jeff Anderson was never really an actor, he was just a guy that Smith knew who he thought had the personality to play a sarcastic butthole. He never wanted to be a working actor and never tried to be either. He pretended to audition for a role when Smith was filming Clerks and that was why he was in the movie.
The dude clearly hates the process of acting and filming, and I'm sure the fact that everyone seems to bother him to keep reprising this one character role he did for the rest of his life gets really boring.
he's just a regular guy and he's sick to death of hearing people yell Randall quotes at him for 30 years
this movie was supposed to happen 5 years ago but didn't because he walked
I know he dabbled in writing and was apparently pretty good at it. But I guess he also is fine just living off his residuals and not having to do shit again. I'm sure his doing Clerks 3 came with some kind of agreement that afterwards, he could finally disappear into obscurity and Kevin would never call him again.
I bet the heart attack plot was created to facilitate him having less time in front of the camera.
HEY LOIS REMEMBAH BASS TO MOUTH!? WEHWEHEHWEHWEHWEH.
>OH PETAH YOU NEVAH GO BASS TO MOUTH, UNLESS, IT IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE
IS THAT WHY YOU SUCKED QUAGMIRE'S DICK YOU STUPID prostitute!? WEHWEHEHWEHWEHWEH
I love Clerks 1 and even feel that Clerks 2 is unfairly hated by many but I absolutely will not watch this one. If not for how blatenly Hollywood ~~*producers*~~ are attempting to destroy every popular franchise I might've given it a chance but yeah, no frick that. I hope it bombs worse than any film in history.
what will Randall talk about to Dante? Nu Star Wars sucking, insulting trans, ironically being a MAGAtard?
Randall will just be a sanitized version of himself. His character is very much the heart of the 90s and 00s. Kevin Smith of current year doesn't have the balls to write more edgy commentary of pop culture
The way Kevin Smith is currently, I wouldn't really find it hard to wager that Dante is going to be some dude that everyone hates or ostracizes because of his "weird" antisocial opinions that he doesn't understand trannies or that he liked Trump, and then Randal is going to have to sarcastically and insultingly mock him until he "gets with the times" and admits that trannies are good.
>Nu Star Wars sucking, insulting trans, ironically being a MAGAtard
So Cinemaphile?
I couldn't get past a 1/3rd of the new Jay and Silent Bob. Kevin Smith writes every single character with the same voice. It's obnoxious when the realization hits you that any given scene has like three characters bouncing around his opinion between them. Hopefully this one won't be as shit.
You did the right thing by not watching the rest, about halfway Kevin Smiths daughter is introduced and the rest of the film is about her and she's shitting up the screen constantly
Why would he think anyone would want to see that? Yoga Hosers sucked a dick at the box office. She's not marketable and she looks awful. Standing name to Lily-Rose Depp for an entire movie just underscored that fact but without a "pretty one" no one would've actually bothered to watch the film in the first place. If Kevin wanted to do her a solid he'd put her in those awful CW shows to get her face out there. Or go under the knife to get a new face.
Kevin Smith has always done nepotism hires to get his friends or gf/wife into his movies, it's just a natural progression that he'd stick his daughter into everything he could
Can't think of a single filmmaker who's had more goodwill from the 90's than this fricker
two decades he's been putting out shit after shit and they still keep giving him chances
Is this real? Because the Randall was adamant about not doing it as if he has something better to do.
Not especially
I remember watching Clerks and thinking I had no idea why this was some sort of cultural touchstone for some people, unless it was really that mindblowing to see a movie where people rambled about Star Wars and their whorish girlfriends at length
>unless it was really that mindblowing to see a movie where people rambled about Star Wars and their whorish girlfriends at length
it kinda was actually
it used to be a big faux pas to talk about nerd shit at all
It was
It's still one of the few movies that actually reflects what genx was but I guess you've got to be there to fully comprehend it
I do understand that watching Clerks on 2017 when you were 15 years old it's like me watching Gone With The Wind on 1997, a glimpse at another reality
But Kevin Smith for the past 15 years is a hack tho
there was a 2 ? wtf?
LOOK AT THEM BOUNCE FRICK FORGIVE ME WHITE RACE I MUST SIN
ya its better than 1 (contrarians will disagree), feels like the movie has actual progression to it, unlike 1 which felt mostly like a bunch of disconnected sketches
Spare the homosexual brackets reddit Black person
official Cryin' Kevin Sniffles Body of Work ranking
>1 clit/brown/taint-area tweet
>2 batman wears a mask so eyewear two tweet
>3 pumpin gas while gnawing cheese picture
>4 anything & everything produced for consumption in the last 25 years by anyone not named smith, kevin
>5 including star wars, marvel, and dc
>6 frick, including netflix
>7 including peewiener and star trek
>8 kevin smith movies, podcasts, and that wank of a program that followed the talk show that followed walking dead
>tldr, kevin smith is a fat cancer in a skinny soi body
I still remember the time where it was only "The New Jersey Trilogy" and not this fricking mess of a filmography
Weed fricked up his brain big time
theres only one trilogy
>The New Jersey Trilogy"
Shut the frick up revisionist cuck
theyre fricking clownshoes.
FRICK THEM UP THEIR STUPID ASSES
I want to break Kevin Smith's legs and watch him crawl in desperation as I start to brutally cleave his neck in like an Isis beheading
Stop hating on me, ingrates.
>"if you're not gonna buy those comics put them down, this is not a library"
I do not.
First is kino, second is burning dogshit
WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKING FRICK BERRR SERRRR KUHHHHH
I wonder if he's making this because he's actually got something, or because he's actually got nothing.
It's Kevin Smith, take a wild guess.
Jason Mewes probably ran out of money again.