Mike Teavee did nothing wrong
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Mike Teavee did nothing wrong
Mike Teavee did nothing wrong
Anus Alien Shirt $21.68 |
It's All Fucked Shirt $22.14 |
Anus Alien Shirt $21.68 |
>teavee
>watches tv
Damn..............
Genius symbolism
clearly he got up in front of the screen while the movie is playing with no regard for the other viewers who paid good money to watch it
>tfw Mike Teavee could've had this kind of life but Wonka insisted he be put in the taffy puller
>that aint taffy but dont stop pulling
yummy
Why the frick was a chocolate factory investing in TV tech anyways.
So they could offer candy samples through commercials
But it was not economical
that's why it's a candy factory and not economists' offices you dumbass
>NOOOOOO YOU CANT CHEW GUM AND WATCH TV
Roald Dahl kinda seemed like a homosexual boomer scold tbqh
Even Gloop wasn't that bad.
>You can eat everything in this room
>Noooo don't eat the chocolate river!
Seriously, the kids were like 10 years old, who the frick WOULDN'T play with a teleporting shrink ray or drink from a chocolate river at that age? If you didn't want to do either of those things, you were the most boring, soulless child ever.
>everything in this room is edible
>not that though, enjoy drowning you fat moron
>Oh hey, here's a piece of gum, it's the most wonderful gum in the world, let me hold it out to the gum-chewing kid and not expect them to take it
>Here's a teleporter and a shrink ray, I have absolutely no security in place to make sure a kid doesn't use it, I'll also make sure to tell the kid that it works on people as well, what kid would want to use a teleporter + shrink ray?
I'm on opiates right now. There's nothing physically preventing me from taking more, and I probably will.
I know this is wrong.
at some point you gotta realize its an arbitrary decision. You got to say it outloud and follow that voice. Not the inner urge because the mind is a chemical cloud being manipulated by a foreign substance. The right words you can hear and say and hold them like light.
As much as this is the excuse of an addict, I think the world as it is now isn't set up for (most) humans.
I'm making the decision or at some point I did, but I won't begrudge people who need a quick release. Whether that's chocolate, heroin, or suicide.
Jordan Peterson?
normally i'd never go through a teleporter because it probably kills you before processing the teleport, but throw in a shrink ray? sign me up!
Precisely. Now, imagine you're literally 9 years old. Could you POSSIBLY resist the temptation of a teleporter + shrink ray? Imagine the adventures you could have!
a child with manners is not
>going to take something out of someones hands
>going to use something that isnt theirs/not allowed to use
charlie only goofed because of dumbass grandpa joe. hardly his fault that he is a kid and doesnt know when a guardian figure may be wrong. he even protested it at first.
>going to use something that isnt theirs/not allowed to use
If it's a fricking shrink ray then yes, a 9 year old will probably use it if you leave it lying there.
no, a 9 year old should have enough guidance to learn NOT to frick with stuff that doesn't belong to them. think about it. they're already in 3rd/4th Grade..they're not stupid enough to innocently walk into it. critical thinking is starting to come into play and there's not a chance they'd misbehave ESPECIALLY when three other kids already got punished
Mike wasn't even really "punished" per se, he just got stretched back to normal.
well he lost out on owning a goddamn chocolate factory because of his idiocy so id say he was punished for being a douchebag
But that's the think, Charlie also broke the rules, shouldn't Mike have been allowed to continue since he was still able to despite breaking the rules as well?
Yea he literally stole fizzy lifting drinks and then dirtied up wonkas sterilized stainless steel ceiling fan.
they all broke the rules. he was going to lose.
charlie gave the gobstopper back, which is a back-up plan to see EVEN if the kids all made it through..who would sell out and who wouldn't..
all those wienersuckers would've except Charlie
yes it was. slugworth was at the exact location. they picked a beggar child and that was that.
>charlie gave the gobstopper back
But Wonka never gave Mike the chance to give back his gobstopper, if he had just let him stay he might've done the same as Charlie.
It's rigged. None of those 4 little shits ever had a shot of winning the contest. Wonka was already biased after seeing the ticket winners in the news.
>slugworth
What's kind of funny about that is that character isn't actually Slugworth. His name is Mr. WIlkinson and he's Wonka's assistant. It's only in that 1971 Wonka film. He's impersonating Slugworth, but everyone till the end of time will keep calling him Slugworth.
all the other kids never got a chance to give back the gobstopper though. how is blueberry violet going to tell wonka she can keep the gobstopper when she seems unable to talk in that form. Augustus gloop never even recieved a gobstopper. Veruca Salt was probably an automatic failure anyway but I dont recall Wonka going down to the garbage chute to check if she would give back the gobstopper.
Charlie just got lucky the drink had no permanent effect on him.
The funny thing is, Mike being shrunk was not an automatic disqualifier, he could've stayed with the rest of the group for the remainder of the tour. Wonka literally shoved him out of the picture to make sure he'd lose.
You are dumb as frick if you think anyone was going to "win" that "contest" besides charlie. Face it game was rigged from the start.
He's still a dumbfrick though. He literally just saw a girl blow up into a gigantic blueberry after eating the experimental gum now he's going to just swallow this random fricking chemical?
Yeah, Mike was actually smarter than Charlie, he saw the shrink ray in action first before he used it on himself, whereas Charlie had no fricking idea what the drink might do to him.
he was a deeply repressed homosexual
also his daughter is fat
Is his daughter really fat?
he was an antisemite who wrote rape erotica
hell the oompa loompas were originally Black pygmies from oingo boingo land
surprised you don't think he's 'based', anon
>he was an antisemite who wrote rape erotica
Wat
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Switch_Bitch
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roald_Dahl#Antisemitism
i didnt know he was literally me
mike teevee was the original incel, now he'd be one of those twitch viewing superchatting onlyfans paying genetic dead ends
The kids weren’t really being berated for their behavior, it was really pointing the blame at parents that spoil or ruin their children in different ways (the Oompah Loompahs sing the songs at the parents)
Gloop - food
Violet - over competitive
Veruca - given everything she wants so she turns into a brat
Mike - obsessively watches TV and is ignorant of the world around him
>and is ignorant of the world around him
Is he? In what way?
Do you think television accurately portrays reality?
No, but Mike mostly seemed interested in westerns, I can't see the harm in a kid watching a bunch of westerns.
It was just Dahl being a seething britgay making atypical british commentary on American children.
What if she shoved him up her hairy pussy once she got home? Haha wouldn't that be hilarious haha
A mother would never do that to her son.
Alice Ghostley Pussy
>can i have a real gun?
>not until you're 12, son
are americans really like this?
my dad gave me a .22/.410 single shot when i was like 6
i have been drinking wine (with meals) since i was 6.
you guys do this in America, right? responsible parenting, making sure your kids know how to be safe with alcohol?
euroseethe
Cope
What's wrong with that? You're supposed to teach children how to use guns early on so they know how to handle them and be safe with them.
Why wouldn't he just give her a stupid goose? One that lays gold eggs for Easter.
Why the frick does Wonka even need golden eggs, he runs a chocolate factory
Maybe it was a front for his counterfeit gold operation.
>Counterfeit
>he thinks a genetically modified goose can transmute ordinary food into a dense lump of a different element entirely without the extra weight causing internal damage
Proofs in the pudding, pal. Spare us the sour grapes cope. There's nothing to suggest those eggs weren't authentic gold.
if you watch them go down the chute they fall at a slow rate
heavier objects fall faster
Your scientific illiteracy makes me shudder.
i know what you're getting at but it's not due to gravity it's due to air resistance
we do not live in a vacuum obviously a golden egg would fall a lot faster than one made of egg meat
>he thinks soda can make you float away
Money to pay off the government so they wont bust his slave operation
I had a crush on her when I was a little kid.
>He did nothing wrong!
>(and wow, he's just like me!)
It's worth noting that Mike Teevee asks his mother if Slugworth would pay extra for information about the Wonkamobile. His heart was greedy. Is yours?
But we're discussing the Wonkavision—that is, the theatre. Wonka demonstrates how a Wonka bar can be broken up into a million little pieces for broadcast—torn apart, as was Dionysus, as are we when we immerse ourselves in a theatrical performance.
Mike Cinemaphile can't help but be torn apart too, like Orpheus when he shunned the worship of his patron Dionysus. Mike's sin is sloth: he is intellectually and spiritually lazy, allowing his mind to be dominated by media. His body is made small to match his atrophied soul. just like (you)
Now the Oompa Loompas return to song, instructing us to prefer the meditative experience of reading over numbing our minds with TV:
>"You'll get no commercials."
Unlike the other rotten children, Mike isn't compared to an animal, because his condition is uniquely human and ultimately (post)modern.
Haha nice one
Doesn't matter, getting shrunk is fun
>Oh nooo don't eat meee
Deep down, he wanted to be eaten.
How do you think a mom would feel about her son shrinking to that size?
Which Mike was better?
There was nothing inherently wrong with anything any of the kids were doing. What was wrong was their hubris and despite warnings, doing things that ended up potentially harming them.
>See teleporting shrink ray
>Want to get teleported and shrunk
>Use it
How is that wrong?
Wonka tells him not to, but he does it anyway because it's going to shrink him and then he needs to be stretched out again which is probably an uncomfortable experience.
Wonka shouldn't have stretched him out, Mike never asked to be stretched out again.
He could of just made a really big TV and sent him through again.
where would all the extra matter come from though?
hold on, where did all of mike's excess matter go?
His mom's ass
Exactly it's just wonka magical candy factory logic. Same goes for Violet becoming a gigantic blueberry. That juice wouldn't just physically manifest unless the gum itself was full of juice. Unless it like changed her genetic code even then you couldn't gain that much size that quickly.
>That juice wouldn't just physically manifest unless the gum itself was full of juice
the juice was in the gum just in a highly compressed form. not that out there honestly.
>a highly compressed form
You can't get a ton of juice out of a tiny strip of gum. If you could perform that miracle the world's space programs would be hiring you right now to store water for astronauts INB4 space is fake and gay.
>they start talking about violet