The fight choreography was so fricking bad. During that fricking village battle Amleth was just barely slapping enemy warriors' shields with his hatchet once and they were dying on spot. That was so lazy and stupid. The other fights and not even better. The final fight was peak cringe, it felt like some 12 yos ideas put on big screen for millions of dollars
no anon that would be good and entertaining
you need to insult the audience by trying to talk above them with your obscure random dialog and random facts pulled from obscure books because its all 2deep4u
even conan had better deeper more meaning lore
Even civilians would have resisted more than those "warriors" in the village. Even the most experienced fighter can't kill a grown-up man by barely hitting his shield. Slaughter my ass, the whole scene just sucked dicks.
Maybe. Who knows? I don't know however how that's related to the scene in which Amleth kills gorillion people with a rather small axe. By hitting their shields once.
Did you even see this flick? I doubt it.
2 years ago
Anonymous
>Who knows?
I know you're not.
2 years ago
Anonymous
shut the frick up you ugly twerp
2 years ago
Anonymous
All I said is I liked a dumb movie about vikings and now you're mad at me.
2 years ago
Anonymous
no I don't like you and you talk like a gay
2 years ago
Anonymous
So you didn't even see TN, thanks for clarifying. Cool reddit spacing btw
2 years ago
Anonymous
What's your favorite film from the past couple of years?
Right? Where were all the cool backflips and Marvel style cinematics. Not a SINGLE cgi explosion and when the berserkers attacked, nobody said, “We got company!”
0/10 awful film
Those emaciated peasants tired from a long day of farming didn't even fight back with the weapons they weren't allowed to have. This isn't the historical documentary film I was promised.
It wasn't interesting or exciting in any way. It wasn't even cool visually. It was so mediocre it's insane. Movie cost like 90 million dollars or something.
The fact that movies with original scripts and interesting approaches get shit on so much is why studios will never go back to taking risks.
Why bother when rebooting a sequel is so much safer.
exactly
you'd have to be a moronic smug homosexual to mess up that formula
I'm genuinely reevaulating eggers previous 2 films as a result of how awful northman was
It was just Hamlet in fricking Iceland, one of the most barren and uninteresting settings for a film I can think of. Is it really a surprise it wasn’t that memorable?
There was just a 300 post thread where people were saying the movie was lame and Northgays were spazzing out uncontrollably spamming troony shit to defend their movie
It really did. Conan and Valeria only said one or two lines to each other yet their romance was still more believable than Amleth and Anya’s character’s.
totally
modern filmmakers just can't write straight forward unironic stories
they insist of relying on irony, cynicism and subversion
conan works because it is honest and tells a great story with total commitment
The first fourth of the movie with the beginning and him getting all berserk to raid the village you think "man this is gonna be some serious viking shit" and then it just all falls apart. The village raid is pathetic. Skaarsgard struts around one hit KOing everyone like some video games character. No actual sense of rage, violence, or urgency, or whatever. Then he just sits there blankly staring as the same shit that happened to him happens so he's immediately not sympathetic. Then comes a scene where that Asian looking b***h Bjork tells him exactly what will happen, what to do, and where to go because Skaarsgard is a dumb frick who can't do anything on his own all movie even though he's supposed to be this powerful and sharp dude.
It just keeps going downhill from there. The plot is so incredibly simple but somehow the movie is still a mess. Amleth is a hero defined solely by his vengeance and strength but he is so bad at acting and he isn't even strong. He needs all this magical assistance with the magic sword and even being saved by valkyries at one point. The pacing is fricked. There is a part near the end where he runs away, tells his waifu Ayy Lmao to stay behind for no reason, comes back the next morning, tells Ayy to run, gets captured, and runs away again. Why? Doesn't Eggers realize this just makes his characters look stupid?
very well said
it was funny he was the 'bear-viking' but had that same tired as frick shredded homosexual physique
let actors put some fat on them jesus christ
literally several of the other viking bros had better looks and charisma than skarsdude
>Doesn't Eggers realize this just makes his characters look stupid?
he's a nepotism daddy's money hire
look up his career before his random break into film
dudes a straight up talentless cunning geeky homo
With a movie you have realism on one side and fantasy on the other. You want to pick a side and if you're going to try and have both, just dipping back and forth, you have to really know what you are doing.
In this movie he tries to have it both ways but is afraid to lean into it right. It's trying to be super realistic with everyone looking unwashed and living in these shit huts but the main character gets a magic sword forged by dwarves. Oh but it's still realistic because he was just tripping balls and having a vision with a shaman? No he still has that sword somehow, it came from somewhere. He also gets saved by Odin later on. It just shows a lack of CONVICTION. Embrace the magic and go epic or embrace the grimdark and stop using fantasy to fill up the dead air in your barebones fricking movie.
This was my biggest issue. It's a pussy movie. It doesn't know what it wants to be and tries to be both ways. Like a bisexuality, which just means it's gay.
Every single movie about vikings is shit, because their culture and lifestyle are repulsive. Northmen are unbearable. It's enjoyable to see a protagonist put these troglodytes in graves, and very difficult to follow them as protagonists. Even the Dothraki were more vibrant.
Best movie in years. All the morons saying otherwise are bunkertroon raiders, or braindead contrarians who can't accept that a soi horror director happened to make a genuinely kino movie.
Movie is still kino. I am glad I caught it in the theaters
so kino it ruined the directors career and bankrupted the production company
Why would someone make up lies on the internet?
its over robert
better dust off that resume you smarmy dipshit
when writers finished the script and it sucked balls but they decided to use it anyway
don't forget the terrible casting, cinematography, and below average direction
oh yeah and the awful fight choreography
The fight choreography was so fricking bad. During that fricking village battle Amleth was just barely slapping enemy warriors' shields with his hatchet once and they were dying on spot. That was so lazy and stupid. The other fights and not even better. The final fight was peak cringe, it felt like some 12 yos ideas put on big screen for millions of dollars
>b-but muh single take big time filmmaker!!
eggers is so reddit it hurts
Bill Shakes wants a word with you
Wait so why did this moron die again? This was supposed to be a good movie, I expected more action.
>Wait so why did this moron die again?
because the script needed him to
>Wait so why did this moron die again?
it was his fate
>leave his hot woman alone on a boat for weeks with a bunch of horny men
Was the northman moronic?
I wish the movie was just about him going around raiding villages. That was awesome.
no anon that would be good and entertaining
you need to insult the audience by trying to talk above them with your obscure random dialog and random facts pulled from obscure books because its all 2deep4u
even conan had better deeper more meaning lore
the only raid depicted in TN included the crappiest fight scene i've seen in a big budget film
It wasn't a fight scene. It was a slaughter.
cool it still sucked shit
What's with israelites being obsessed with eating excrement? Really bizarre.
You mean Germans?
Even civilians would have resisted more than those "warriors" in the village. Even the most experienced fighter can't kill a grown-up man by barely hitting his shield. Slaughter my ass, the whole scene just sucked dicks.
I'm sure you're an expert on sword combat.
when you’re big strong and handsome it literally doesn’t matter homosexual
Maybe. Who knows? I don't know however how that's related to the scene in which Amleth kills gorillion people with a rather small axe. By hitting their shields once.
Did you even see this flick? I doubt it.
>Who knows?
I know you're not.
shut the frick up you ugly twerp
All I said is I liked a dumb movie about vikings and now you're mad at me.
no I don't like you and you talk like a gay
So you didn't even see TN, thanks for clarifying. Cool reddit spacing btw
What's your favorite film from the past couple of years?
Are you 13?
Are you israeli?
honestly
what the frick did the budget go towards??
all those shitty wood huts??
The writers for sure
>90% of Amleth's lines is repeating the same babble about muh revenge
Collagen for Nicole Kidman’s cheeks
Right? Where were all the cool backflips and Marvel style cinematics. Not a SINGLE cgi explosion and when the berserkers attacked, nobody said, “We got company!”
0/10 awful film
Those emaciated peasants tired from a long day of farming didn't even fight back with the weapons they weren't allowed to have. This isn't the historical documentary film I was promised.
My favorite larper youtuber totally could’ve used his badass techniques he learned in a hema class to single-handedly beat all those vikings.
It was just not good.
Kidman's plastic surgery is some body horror that does not let you forget
it was actually distracting to the point of comedy
I thought it was fitting for her character, but it kind of gives away the twist.
maybe if you homosexual shills posted anything else than this one jpeg then it would have more traction here
FOR FREE DENTAL CARE
did they not have budget left for helmets that fit properly??
Those aren’t braces. Marking your teeth with silver was a Scandinavian thing.
It had no Black folk or troons, same reason people don't like Prey.
It wasn't interesting or exciting in any way. It wasn't even cool visually. It was so mediocre it's insane. Movie cost like 90 million dollars or something.
When the kid went into the cave to yiff and fart with his dad and some creepy old guy.
The fact that movies with original scripts and interesting approaches get shit on so much is why studios will never go back to taking risks.
Why bother when rebooting a sequel is so much safer.
>original script
>interesting approach
DUDE ITS LITERALLY HAMLET
nah hamlet had relatable characters, good writing and emotional stakes that paid off
felt more like Lion King tbh but with the chilling with the warthog part cut out
It was a very stripped down Hamlet, lacking all you just said. My uncle killed my daddy and married my mommy and I must get revenge. Bravo, Eggers.
exactly
you'd have to be a moronic smug homosexual to mess up that formula
I'm genuinely reevaulating eggers previous 2 films as a result of how awful northman was
>The fact that movies with original scripts and interesting approaches
cool but what about the northman?
damn, still forgotten months later ;_;
It was just Hamlet in fricking Iceland, one of the most barren and uninteresting settings for a film I can think of. Is it really a surprise it wasn’t that memorable?
name my genre
I feel like the top and bottom row differ somehow but I can't quite put my finger on it
money laundering
darpa subsidized psyop campaign
HIV positive.
There was just a 300 post thread where people were saying the movie was lame and Northgays were spazzing out uncontrollably spamming troony shit to defend their movie
the first act with all the weird pagan rituals was awesome. But doing a straightforward adaptation of Hamlet was a bad idea.
If you wanna watch a GOOD Hamlet movie, watch the 1991 Mel Gibson version. Kino beyond belief.
and if you want some kino viking themed sword and sorcery revenge tales just watch the OG conan
Was thinking about Conan when Amleth went to get his sword and how much better it was done there.
conan had better everything so much so it's laughable
>Mel had the perfect subdued unhinged crazy energy for the role too.
hell yeah, dudes a pure kino machine
It really did. Conan and Valeria only said one or two lines to each other yet their romance was still more believable than Amleth and Anya’s character’s.
totally
modern filmmakers just can't write straight forward unironic stories
they insist of relying on irony, cynicism and subversion
conan works because it is honest and tells a great story with total commitment
Very underrated Hamlet adaptation. Mel had the perfect subdued unhinged crazy energy for the role too.
Agreed, he acted exactly how I think someone who’s father appeared to them as a ghost to name their murderer would.
One of the worst movies ever written. You need to watch more.movies
The first fourth of the movie with the beginning and him getting all berserk to raid the village you think "man this is gonna be some serious viking shit" and then it just all falls apart. The village raid is pathetic. Skaarsgard struts around one hit KOing everyone like some video games character. No actual sense of rage, violence, or urgency, or whatever. Then he just sits there blankly staring as the same shit that happened to him happens so he's immediately not sympathetic. Then comes a scene where that Asian looking b***h Bjork tells him exactly what will happen, what to do, and where to go because Skaarsgard is a dumb frick who can't do anything on his own all movie even though he's supposed to be this powerful and sharp dude.
It just keeps going downhill from there. The plot is so incredibly simple but somehow the movie is still a mess. Amleth is a hero defined solely by his vengeance and strength but he is so bad at acting and he isn't even strong. He needs all this magical assistance with the magic sword and even being saved by valkyries at one point. The pacing is fricked. There is a part near the end where he runs away, tells his waifu Ayy Lmao to stay behind for no reason, comes back the next morning, tells Ayy to run, gets captured, and runs away again. Why? Doesn't Eggers realize this just makes his characters look stupid?
very well said
it was funny he was the 'bear-viking' but had that same tired as frick shredded homosexual physique
let actors put some fat on them jesus christ
literally several of the other viking bros had better looks and charisma than skarsdude
>Doesn't Eggers realize this just makes his characters look stupid?
he's a nepotism daddy's money hire
look up his career before his random break into film
dudes a straight up talentless cunning geeky homo
The movie was incredible, but it made me wonder if movies as a medium are tired.
Would you kiss your mum?
Apocalypto was The Northman but made by a director who actually respects the viewer's time and made his movie entertaining
With a movie you have realism on one side and fantasy on the other. You want to pick a side and if you're going to try and have both, just dipping back and forth, you have to really know what you are doing.
In this movie he tries to have it both ways but is afraid to lean into it right. It's trying to be super realistic with everyone looking unwashed and living in these shit huts but the main character gets a magic sword forged by dwarves. Oh but it's still realistic because he was just tripping balls and having a vision with a shaman? No he still has that sword somehow, it came from somewhere. He also gets saved by Odin later on. It just shows a lack of CONVICTION. Embrace the magic and go epic or embrace the grimdark and stop using fantasy to fill up the dead air in your barebones fricking movie.
This was my biggest issue. It's a pussy movie. It doesn't know what it wants to be and tries to be both ways. Like a bisexuality, which just means it's gay.
well put bro
a valkyrie shows up and literally takes him to valhalla you fricking dunce, I'd say that qualifies as enough magic.
There are tons of morons who claim that all the magic in the movie is just him being high and it didn't happen and was allegorical
I keep shilling it to people to watch it.
I have not forgotten at all. Always recomend
Every single movie about vikings is shit, because their culture and lifestyle are repulsive. Northmen are unbearable. It's enjoyable to see a protagonist put these troglodytes in graves, and very difficult to follow them as protagonists. Even the Dothraki were more vibrant.
>Historical movie about Europe, without pozzedness or non-whites.
>((Ben Shapiro)) hates it.
What a surprise.
>bad script
>bad acting
>bad cinematography
>bad directing
>bad story
Best movie in years. All the morons saying otherwise are bunkertroon raiders, or braindead contrarians who can't accept that a soi horror director happened to make a genuinely kino movie.
Dude it was not very good. Just get over it.