>nearly every single Greek, Roman, and Egyptian figures have their own great epic adaption
>except Alexander the Great who only got shit films
How come?
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>nearly every single Greek, Roman, and Egyptian figures have their own great epic adaption
>nearly every single Greek, Roman, and Egyptian figures have their own great epic adaption
like for example ?
Literally we only get movies about fricking Cesar and Moses and basically nobody else from the ancient word what shit are you smoking
and Cleopatra
Which is just a roundabout way of getting ceasar
Even goddamn Spartacus had to throw ceasar in for frick sake
Because all 3 of those are related to israelites lmao
>Cesar
>Cleopatra
>Jews
Come again
Get some fricking reading comprehension skills you tactical dunce. "related to". Yes, related to.
> Related to
>Cesare
> Cleopatra
>Jews
>Meds
Come again?
Are you serious?
Hercules
Jason and his Argonauts
Perseus
Ceasar
Cleopatra
Odysseus/Ulysses
Achilles (Troy)
the obvious
I'm still waiting for the real kino
mexicans hate this homie even though roughly 1/10 are his direct descendants lol
Why do Mexicans pretend they aren't part white? They act like they're all Aztecs when for most of them that isn't true at all.
Do we live on the same planet where every Hispanic, asian, middle easterner, isn't obsessed with being as white as possible, through plastic surgery, telling everyone they're mestizo, or thirsting after white dudes to have whiter kids.
Mestizo here, you're correct about Mexicans an Asians being obsessed with whiteness. I've seen it a lot in my family and some of my friends. I have a cousin who married a white guy and the entire family was proud of her kek.
Although few, all the Middle Easterners I've met were proud of being Middle Eastern.
>Mestizo here
You must go back
Go back where? I was born here.
>Go back where
Don’t care
Not my problem!
Ok.
If it's not your problem then I guess you won't do a thing if I stay.
It’s not my problem where you go
I hear Hell is nice this time of year!
You would be too if you were colonized
>roll up
>90% of mexicans immediately ally under you because aztecs keep cutting their hearts out
>remembered as the bad guy for 500 years
THE HUMAN SACRIFICES MUST STOP
Where could it be made where Cortes isn't the villain?
Aztecs were feral savages. Conquistadores gave them universities and God.
>arrives to a new world and dismantles a warmongering cruel empire by uniting with smaller oppressed tribes
Sounds like a hero to me
maybe spain but even spain these days is pretty cucked. really the only country i could see depicting him at least in a somewhat fair light tho. anglos will demonize him because of the black legend and nonwhites will because he makes them seethe
Would Italy do it?
possibly, theres alot of based italians.
has anyone else seen this?
even the king of spain sent a number of missives for him to return and cut the shit. the spanish court knew any war would be illegal under most european laws. cortez did it anyway cuz he knew he could and get away with it.
How did the spanish soldiers first communicate with the aztec when they had completely different languages and alphabets?
a group of spaniards got shipwrecked a decade earlier, they got enslaved by local natives, only 2 survived, one of them started a family with the locals and well full native mode, getting tattoes and shit and becoming a war chief for the tribe, the other was still a slave. Eventually Cortés finds the slave guy who learned the maya language after years of being there
Then after Cortes won a battle with some other natives they gave him a bunch of girls, one of them was a slave that knew nahuatl and maya.
So the girl would translate nahuatl into maya and the shipwrecked guy maya into spanish
you just told me the plot to the road to el dorado homie and then tacked on like 2 sentences of actual history at the very end
that's why it's a crime that there are no kinos about it, it all reads like a fantasy book but it really happened
>chud that kills mexicarinos
no good senpai
hernan (2019) but it was canceled after 1 seasons
>leaves off after la noche triste
>Egyptian
name one (1)
Him off the mummy. The mummy fella
>tfw no Akhenaten kino
>tfw they were planning for one but the production team didnt want non-egyptian investors
>[Shadi Abdel Salam's] next project on Akhenaton was never accomplished, in spite of twelve years of intensive preparation and research, due to lack of Egyptian financing for this ambitious and expensive project. Sadly enough, Abdel Salam designed the drawings of the film, and diligently supervised all the designs that were carried out in his atelier by Salah Marei and Onsi Abu Seif, his students who later became his colleagues. >Although Abdel Salam received a number of offers from foreigners who were more than willing to produce his outstanding project, he insisted on Egyptian funding as he firmly believed that the film had to be fully Egyptian. Speaking of those hard times in his life, he says:
>''Throughout my life, I have protected myself from commercial pollution and enhanced it with reading, research and education. I have gone through moments of extreme depression because I didn’t work; time is flying and my head is full of visions which need to be brought to light. I want to do something worthwhile but lack of facilities always hampers my dreams. I wish the government would take me under its wing. For me, work is life. All day long, I read, write, draw, sculpt, take photos and store everything in my mind in preparation for the day on which I would stand behind the camera to shoot Akhenaton.''
>Abdel Salam died at the age of fifty-six of cancer in Cairo on 8 October 1986 without having realized his dream of directing Akhenaton, The Tragedy of the Great House (Ikhnâtoun).
FRICK this is painful to read
Why? If he had accepted foreign cash with the explicit guarantee that he maintain creative control of the project he'd have been able to get it made, instead it never happened. That's what occurs when you refuse to compromise.
>>''Throughout my life, I have protected myself from commercial pollution and enhanced it with reading, research and education.
No way this thing was fricking human.
Amarna era art is defined by "exaggerated ugliness" so most likely he didnt look like that
then again egypsie royalty was highly inbred so maybe he just did
>I have gone through moments of extreme depression because I didn’t work; time is flying and my head is full of visions which need to be brought to light
fricking relatable
One of the best artists egypt produced, he did all the costume and set work on the polish film "Pharaoh" and the egyptian "The Mummy"
There is Nofrete, queen of the Nile. Akhenaten plays a big role in the movie (obviously)
you didnt say what era
>cleopatra
More ceasarslop
Yawn
>macedonian prostitute
Because the Slav FYROMians will get mad when they inevitably refer to him as Greek
there are very few good historical movies
You're moronic
I am glad they aren’t touching him. He is the only good historical figure who still had a positive public reputation. If normies start digging around they are gonna figure out how many times he committed genocide and they’ll make him black or something
When did he commit genocides? As far as I know he was pretty open with the cultures he conquered, he married an afghan woman I think and adopted their style of life, that's why his generals didn't like him.
Siege of Tyre ended with 30,000 people getting enslaved and 10,000 people being executed
>10,000 people being executed
This is a really modest number for siege of a city. Alexander also granted pardons to anyone that fricked off and didn't actually participate.
i'd take executed any day over being eaten
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Suiyang
Were the chinks the most aggressive cannibals in history?
Maybe, but the Papua New Guineans are the most resilient.
Chinks come from 5000 years of collective state worship where their leaders are practically demigods
They simply lack the moral frame that we have in the west that makes cannibalism extremely evil and immoral in our minds
there are 3 (THREE, TRE, TRES) different battles during the 3 kingdoms where one side lost more than 200k soldiers
>that pic
best part, it's not made up and the numbers are actually bigger
and then a river floods the land and 200k more die
and then a famine and the people revolt because they thought the emperor had lost the favor of the divine: 10 more millions die (all peasants)
The craziest shit in China is and always will be the Tai Ping rebellion where soem whacked out chunk peasant claimed to be the reserve room of Jesus and led a giant cult pseudo communist revolt against the Chinese government killing like 30 million people
The only wars that beat it to date is the world wars and the mongol invasions (and the mongol invasions only if you count all of their wars and massacres over a 150 year period)
And then people wounded why the ccp is like it is
Kek
You mean no christcuck morals
You can think of them whatever you want if you live in the west you live in a society governed by Christian morals.
as soon as anything bad happens chinese and slavs start eating each other. this is because self sacrifice is a foreign concept to them
>Siege of Tyre ended with 30,000 people getting enslaved and 10,000 people being executed
>t. drops a nuke vaporising 200,000 civilians
That was hardly the worst thing of WW2. Like, those numbers are a literal joke compared to what went down in the Ostfront.
Or even the regular bombings of Japan, who no one ever talks about
>The Bombing of Tokyo (東京大空襲, Tōkyōdaikūshū) was a series of firebombing air raids by the United States Army Air Force during the Pacific campaigns of World War II. Operation Meetinghouse, which was conducted on the night of 9–10 March 1945, is the single most destructive bombing raid in human history.[1] 16 square miles (41 km2; 10,000 acres) of central Tokyo were destroyed, leaving an estimated 100,000 civilians dead and over one million homeless.[1] In comparison, the atomic bombing of Hiroshima in August 1945 resulted in the immediate death of between 70,000 and 150,000 people.
The fire bombings of Japan and Germany were devastating. But it was karma IMO.
I’m edgy enough to not care about the deaths, but I weep for the irreplaceable historical artefacts and architecture that were lost
However I wonder if you would think the same were america, and particularly American citizens, to get its comeuppance for Vietnam, Iraq, Libya, Syria, Iran…
That doesn’t even make sense
Kys green texting supergay
>no one ever talks about
They're talked about all the time, on here and elsewhere.
yea, reading about the shit that happened in ww2, there really is no "war crime" for the victor.
you probably could rape every woman you encountered and if you won then what? Are you going to sue yourself? lmao
“War crimes” is just bullshit to punish the losers.
Just recently the “international court” (invented to prosecute Nazis after the war ) declared Putin a war criminal meaning the west has officially stated they intend to destroy the Russian federation and persecute its surviving officials when the war is over
Muh putin dindu nuffin
Z
I didn’t say he didn’t do anything I said the idea of war crimes is nonsense
>destroy the Russian federation
Ie the current ruling government of “Russia” and yes that is 100% the intention and to place a western friendly puppet on its place ie yeltsin
>declare a dictator to be a war criminal
>say that you intend to destroy his country
These are two very different things Ivan.
Al-Bashir had this ICC slip since 1993. No one gave a frick. He traveled Africa freely despite most of the them signing the commitment. They only handed him over after the coup because they didn't want to deal with him. I want to see what moronic country is going risk arresting Putler.
I bet they even signed it just to try to scare away Xi from coming to Moscow.
The scales of 20th century war were the largest the word had seen in centuries the only times you ever had war even close to
The world wars in terms of combatants were some Roman civil wars and some Chinese civil wars at the heights of their powers.
Comparatively most periods armies are small because it’s difficult to find and organize and lose massive amounts of men only able to be done with modern tech and a abundance or the pure scale of some ancient empires
But even then some Roman battle with 150,000 men was a once in a century event
china was pulling those numbers 1500 years ago
the deadliest loss Prussia ever faced in a war was 10 thousand men
>If normies start digging around they are gonna figure out how many times he committed genocide and they’ll make him black or something
what fricking conqueror DIDNT genocide back then?
“Genocide” and “war crimes” are literally made up bullshit from the world wars to punish the losers.
Genocide and war crimes are just war. People today are too soft to understand this
They all did but morons today don’t care about context
>what fricking conqueror DIDNT genocide back then?
Alexander the Great.
>He is the only good historical figure who still had a positive public reputation
Checked digits.
Anyways, what hidden controversy could there be for Alexander? Sacking of Tyre was a bit excessive but nothing ridiculous by any historical standard. Killing political leaders is standard if you want to conquer an area. He avoided genocides and allowed surrendering armies to join his on further conquests. He was also very tolerant of multiple beliefs and languages in his empire. Dude was even a homosexual with his pretty boy twink childhood friend.
I mean genuinely, what could woke culture possibly find to hate about Alexander?
He's "white" by woke standards. Give it time
>Dude was even a homosexual
had wives, children, harem... you are the homosexual. Love at fist sight with Roxane.
every dude I know that has tried to push the 'alexander was gay' meme turned out to be a closet gay themselves. makes you wonder about their motivations
like that disabled guy that claims ivarr the boneless, one of the most legendary viking warriors in history, was a disabled moron with the exact same illness as him. like yea sure dude
>147 replies
>no mention of reign: the codpiece
my goodness you pol zoomers are irritating always trying to prove your wiki-chops... yes it was a demented series but unlike anime
>was genuinely weird
>had an animation style all it's own (same people who did aeon flux)
>tried to incorporate philosophical/historical themes
>campy as all get-out
?t=402
lots of epic air fights like in anime though
>Curtius reports, "He scorned sensual pleasures to such an extent that his mother was anxious lest he be unable to beget offspring." To encourage a relationship with a woman, King Philip and Olympias were said to have brought in a high-priced Thessalian courtesan named Callixena. According to Athenaeus, Callixena was employed by Olympias out of fear that Alexander was "womanish" (γύννις), and his mother used to beg him to sleep with the courtesan, apparently to no success.
obviously that doesn't prove he was gay but the assumption that a wife, children and a harem prove he wasn't... absurd. it's based in the outrageous assumption that the world's most powerful man would just be totally open about his homosexuality when it could have epic consequences. would wager a guess that most gay kings throughout history have gone through pains to appear straight
>when it could have epic consequences
stopped reading here, regret reading this much
He laid waste to Persia and put the city of Persepolis to the sword. Persepolis was a major centre of learning in the east, and its destruction is considered a massive blow to shared human heritage. It is said that he destroyed it as revenge for the Persian burning of the acropolis and invasions of Greece, but most historians would agree that it was an unjustified act. Leftists would definitely twist it as the "evil European coloniser oppressing poor POC" BS even though the Persians were even lighter skinned than Greeks lol
>this great conqueror burned a city that set “humanity back”
Leftist hackery I hate that fricking meme it’s applied to all great men of the past to bring them low and push the asinine idea of Whig history and marxist “historical science” bullshit
Same idiocy that claims “Christianity held humanity back from science” nonsense people have been taught in school
Don't include Marx in the same sentence as British whig homosexualry please. He didn't do any of that shit and was actually highly respectful of the Ancient world.
also he murdered one of his best and longtime friends Cyrus the Ni-the Black, in a drunken fit of rage after Cyrus criticized Alexander for adopting certain persian customs, such as demanding that his officers prostrate to him (normal in persian culture but normally reserved only for idols and gods in greek culture, and therefore very culturally offensive to the greeks who did not believe in worshiping men as godkings like the persians did) and also adopting a persian harem, which he barely messed around with since it would have pissed his greek wives off and mostly accepted as a way to please the persians
alexander did not appreciate these criticisms and so while Cyrus' back was turned and he was leaving Alexanders tent, alexander hurled a spear in his direction. he didnt mean to his Cyrus, or so claimed, but it pierced his chest and killed him almost instantly. Alexander spent several hours crying over his corpse in regret.
he was a very fascinating and brilliant, but also deeply flawed and possibly bipolar individual
he was a god and psychology destroys creation and will
You only see that from the perspective of our modern moral system that despite what westerners tell ourselves is extremely different from Greco-Roman moral systems
They had a much more might makes right sort of culture and ours isn’t like that at all due to Christianity.
Greeks and Roman’s constantly did shit that most of us today would see as psychopathic
the fact he mourned his death in regret dispels your idiotic take, you should actually read history and not watch dovahty videos or whatever.
I have no idea what videos you’s re referring too, Alexander was melodramatic and I wouldn’t put it past him to have murdered Cyrus then regretted it or just faked his mourning al together We have to also considered these people were generally extremely superstitious by modern standards and he probably had to mourn to avoid retribution for being a coward and dishonorable
Marx wasn’t respectful of anything. He was an academic layabout that wanted to destroy the foundations of civilization for utopian fantasy
He was very much criticized for that by non-Christians.
>Cyrus
Cleitus the Black not Cyrus and he killed him when drunk because Cleitus said that without him he would have been nothing because he saved his life in an early battle.
Cleitus gloated of something that was his duty as a soldier to do, and a friend, and insulted his friend and king when drunk.
"Cleitus responded by saying that Alexander was not the legitimate king of the Macedonians, and that all of his achievements were due to his father. Alexander called for his guards, but they did not want to intervene in a quarrel between friends"
and more stuff.
Alexander was not gay. He didn't care about sex and was a disciple of Aristotle.
Harem + 3 Spouses; Roxana, Stateira, Parysatis and 2 kids
Alexander IV, Heracles (alleged illegitimate son)
He didn't have sex with his harem. It was something he had for prestige. Someone once offered a slave to Alexander to use and he got pissed off. He barely even had sex with his wife and the result was that he had one son who was born after he died.
they already are fricking with him. i was watching some ancient history bullshit from the bcc and when it came to alexnaders turn they basically called him a backward greek barbarian that didnt appreciate the holy imperial power of the glorious persian empire who were so progressive and multicultural.
Link?
My little cousin said they called him just Alexander in school because he did "bad things"
Everyone in history did bad things
History is bad things. We need to destroy modern education
tell her that her teachers are idiots who dont understand the classical meaning of 'the great' which is comparable to 'the powerful, the all pervading, the unstoppable' not 'great>good' like it means today
also how the frick is anyone supposed to know who 'alexander' was? my fricking dads name is alexander
>how the frick is anyone supposed to know who 'alexander' was? my fricking dads name is alexander
It sounds like your grandparents knew who Alexander was and your dad fricked up raising you.
>the only epic Caligula got was a mediocre play that got hijacked into a porn flick
I would like a movie that shows Caligula (and Nero) as just young spoiled rich kids that the senate absolutely slandered to absurd levels (which was the likely reality) and twister Caligula attempts to humiliate the senate back (knighting a horse etc) being used as propaganda against him.
The later Julio-Claudians got completely slanders by the senate it’s disgusting
wasn't Caligula alright until suddenly he went mad? We still dont know whether it was genetic defect or he suffered a head injury that made him insane
I personally believe 75% of it is made up or exaggerations because he (his whole family) was at odds with the senate still in the power struggles of the end of the republic
Caligula and Nero was Octavians great grandsons and there were elder members of the senate that still thought they could muscle the ruling family back out of power at that time.
That’s what led to the year of the 4 emperors (mini near civil war) before finally getting into the 5 “good” emperors and the Roman golden age.
It was the last political battles at the end of the republic and an echo of the previous centuries issues
Yes. Read Winterlings biography.
Also jot a single account from outside Rome, including people who hated him, mentions his insanity. It's literal senatorial propaganda.
He was gay, like most romans and greeks, he was canonically gay.
Where the frick are my Trajan and Thutmose III kinos?
His story would only work as a mini-series, and it could be absolute kino, but no studio nowadays wants to spend $150 million on ancient historical epics. It's been a dead genre since 2006.
It would need to be at least 5 seasons
Who wants to watch a movie about a homosexual?
>rich spoiled kid inherits daddies united greece and reformed military goes onto overextend, wasting all of phillip's effort
Philip was a lousy drunk. He also got rebellions IN Greece up his ass and it was Alexander that put them down.
Even when Alexander was at the far edge of the known world, how many times did the Greek cities revolt against Alexander?
>calls himself the son of two deities
>literally slaps the oracle so hard, she's forced to "prophesize" him as the ruler of the world
>Solves the impossible Gordian knot by just slashing that shit with your sword
>The mother of your sworn enemy falls in love with you
>So bored of winning at life, decides to march through a literal desert because why the frick not
>Has the single best speech ever delivered in human history
The entire life of Alexander is basically a series of CHAD moments. It's so ridiculous and unbelievable, you would need a fantasy director to pull it off. Shame Zack Snyder's pitch was rejected.
Don't forget that every civilisation he conquered adopted him as a literal god amongst their pantheons
>nearly every single Roman
WRONG
AURELIAN AKA MASTER AND GOD AKA RESTORER OF THE WORLD AKA RESTITUTOR ORBIS AKA SOL INVICTUS MADE MAN STILL HAS NO KINO
>literally called the restorer of the world
> nobody has ever made a film about him
Same with the 2nd Punic war
Same with Sulla/Marius
Same with Diocleation/Constantine
Same with Justin and Justinian
Same with Hiracleus and the “final war”
Same with the rebellion of Thomas the Slav
I mean fake of thrones literally stole the entire story of the siege of 717 including the chain and Greek fire. And the battle of the Pelanor fields was a secret telling of the Siege of Vienna
It’s absolutely criminal the kino that hasn’t been made
Take your meds homosexual
when are we getting mesopokino thoughever
I'd love a film about Flavius Stilicho.
Alexander was kino you pleb
here's your alexander kino.
>nearly every single Greek, Roman, and Egyptian figures have their own great epic adaption
What the frick are you talking about shizo?
They made the Greeks and Alexander gays, like they made The Whale.
any good Theseus movie or show?
They made that movie with Colin Feral where he plays Alexander
How bout a miniseries about the Minoans
because the ruling class are descendents of persian demons and alexander burnt their capital to the ground because some butt hurt roastie temple slave told him to do it when he was drunk.
*gets BTFO by india*
whiteboi knew his limits
>*gets BTFO by india*
>whiteboi knew his limits
India was to be taken fully later and defeated Porus, and he won all battles bar none. Go build yourself a sewage system and some toilets and then consider posting about anything, let alone Alexander.
I wouldn’t say he was “beaten” by India Alexander’s conquests were like a tsunami across Persia and they kinda ran out of steam past the Indus.
If he had lived he’d have conquered India and probably the western Mediterranean but he never got that far which is pretty common for those mass conquests ie Napoleon, hitler, Charlemagne, Ghengis etc etc
>itt historical figures that need movies
How can he have those thick lips?
true, big lips are only seen on blackies
and Irish
Was obviously the Divine will of God that kept him alive.
I'm surprised that no one has tried to do something with the Divine Comedy
unironically the diablo games from 1-2 are the best youre gonna get lmao
problem with stuff like quixote, dante and milton is those works are all heavily built upon the cultures of europe. quixote is essentially a parody of high mediveal epics like the nibelungenlied, milton takes inspiration from old pagan mythology and re-frames it in a christian light (literally nobody today would get some of the obscures gods and cultures that milton references) and dante is an attempt to bridge classical roman culture with its more modern catholic worldview. all of them are deeply european, deeply religious, and beyond the understanding of modern day mutts who are mostly interested in avengers age of gay sex and homosexualrons
There are plenty of games that take inspiration from the likes of the Divine Comedy or Paradise Lost. I'm just surprised that there haven't been many film attempts. Wouldn't a big adaptation of some of the best works in literature be sure to get a ton of acclaim if they pull it off successfully?
Even if you don't know all of the context, it's still a fascinating adventure.
>Wouldn't a big adaptation of some of the best works in literature be sure to get a ton of acclaim if they pull it off successfully?
you dont understand the point of the media industry in todays day and age. its not about the money. its about sending a message. they dont want people thinking about grander themes, they dont want them to know about their past or become cultured and enlightened. this goes against the plan.
Impossible to do because it was carried by the context of its time. It was the first fanfic ever written and one of the most controversial of its time
L'inferno 1911.
It's always inferno only.
nobody cares about a big mountain and angels on mars they wanna see TORTURE dammit. SEX AND SIN AND VIOLENT TORTURE
for real tho Purgatorio is honestly my favorite of the 3 and very underrated, I wish more would read past the demon part
It's a shame that people only focus on Inferno. Purgatio and Paradiso are legitimately beautiful.
I BLAME THE israeliteS.
and there's nothing you can do about it because i'm damn right.
What's the best biography of him?
some must watch alexander kino
Alexander the Great who only got shit films
take that back, brown ape
I enjoyed the directors cut of the 2004 movie.