>Okay everyone listen up.
>This is the plot, and you're not gonna like it....
>*SIGH*
>SOMEHOW PALPATINE RETURNED AND IS HIDING ON A PLANET CALLED EXEGOL AND HAS A THOUSAND DEATH STAR EQUIPED STAR DESTROYERS. SECRETS ONLY THE SITH KNEW, CLONING, OR SOMESHIT. NOW WE GOTTA GO FIND A DAGGER THING THAT WILL TELL US WHERE EXACTLY ON THE OLD DEATH STAR THAT SOMEHOW SURVIVED COMPLETE UTTER OBLITERATION WHERE THE SECRET MAP TO THIS PLANET EXEGOL IS WHICH HAS A POPULATION OF SITH CULT PEOPLE IN RED STORM TROOPER ARMOR AND UNLIMITED RESOURCES TO BUILD A THOUSAND DEATH STAR STAR DESTROYERS. IF WE GET THERE IN TIME WE CAN SHUT DOWN A RADAR TOWER THING AND THEIR SHIPS WILL FORGET HOW TO FLY ANYWHERE.
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>Also the dagger is somehow shaped like the ruined wreckage of the death star even though it was created before the death star was destroyed.
The force obviously made the dagger you moron
>also you don't actually need the dagger you can just fly around the dangerous part of space
>Also Luke knew about this and went looking for the dagger but gave up and nobody ever bothered to ask him about it
What was the point of the dagger if the wayfinder was located in the most obvious place anyone could imagine?
I mean, the "secret" hiding place of the wayfinder was in the death star, in a room right next to the throne room?! And it's still hovering in the air, so the electricity stilll works in the ruined death star? wtf?
>kathleen Kennedy
No Shit
Jesus fricking H. Christ.
And it only works if you stand in a specific spot and hold it at a specific angle. Genius, JJ. Pure genius.
It was the magic of the force, or something. When you have undefined limits, you can just do whatever you want!
Rey Palpatine-Skywalker
Reminder the sequels are not canon.
Clone Wars is not canon.
Rebels is not canon.
And the prequels are not canon
Nor is Return of the Jedi.
Honestly forget ESB too
Or Empire, or New Hope.
The only canon is the Christmas Special.
alright here's the real canon in order
>every episode 1 scene with kid anakin or jar jar
>every episode 2 scene on naboo
>the deleted order 66 animatic
>the turkish remake
>the christmas special
>all the ewok scenes
>the 2 ewok movies
>the rise of skywalker
I like what you have, but can we add the "unlimited power" line? Not the scene, just the line. I prefer if there's a strong narrative flow, and that eases into Rise of Skywalker nicely.
yeah just sort of cut it in anywhere you want using windows movie maker
You joke but I consider only the versions of "A New Hope" that are just called Star Wars to be canon.
The only thing canon about star wars is all of it should be fired from one
>luke vs vader vs palp
>the best part of star wars
>not canon
(You)
You are mistaken. "The Clone Wars" isn't canon. "Clone Wars" is.
I thought the animated Clone Wars series was good?
It is good
The frick is this, I was referring to the one where it's 3D animated
>ancient dagger magically lines up with the just recently destroyed death star wreck
when I saw this in theatres the guy sitting behind me said "frick off" and walked out really angry and left his drink behind
Didn't they interview the writers and ask what the frick they were thinking and somebody was like
>well we just really really wanted that indiana jones moment and this is what we came up with
>indiana jones moment
what does that even mean
The magic item that fits perfectly in the puzzle and points to the treasure.
Like the Staff of Ra in raiders of the lost ark.
But it's not indiana jones, is it? It's star wars. That's why it makes no sense
That's just part of what makes the writing so abysmal.
You've got a room packed full of about 30 producers, and they just start throwing out beats that they want to see get hit and don't care how all these story beats fit together.
Some israelite thinks adventure movies with the "AHA I SOLVED THE RIDDLE" moment will make more money so it has to be in the movie.
They did the same shit with transformers. The map to the mega spark was hidden in that dead guy's glasses or something.
yeah but he went into an old crypt that was designed to fit the staff and everything. it's not like he got a 2000 year old staff and stuck it in a fricking 10 year old shipwreck
Why did they even need the death star wreckage? Just invent a fricking sith temple or some shit
That would require a small amount of originality and wouldn't remind people of the better movies.
how did all those black snakes survive underground for all those years? there were thousands of them trapped. What did they eat? drink?
I adsumed they were magic snakes made by the Hebrew god
>>well we just really really wanted that indiana jones moment
this can't be real
Woman moment*
i havent seen this movie, but it’s obviously a goonies moment
the idiot must have been referring to the medallion scene in raiders
I never saw the movie but do they really find the map just from the knife pointing at a spot on the Death Star? The second Death Star had thousands of decks how did they actually find the right spot?
>do they really find the map just from the knife pointing at a spot on the Death Star
also you'd have to see the wreckage from a certain angle which just happens to be visible from the island they crash-landed on
god this makes me mad to think about
Yes, literally.
Those notches in the dagger line up with the wrecked death star, and there's a little pointer in the handle.
Huh...you think we gather here, to constantly come up with such moronic shit just for the laughs? That's cute. But this is the job of israelitewood writers who get millions of money for this.
Not to mention the death star exploded into a trillion pieces and it's outlandish that such big chunks stayed intact when we literally SAW IT EXPLODE
stop asking questions
Is there any self awareness that this israelite is sitting in a room full of action figures
The screenshot is taken from a satirical series of videos they did mocking obvious Disney shill podcasters, moron. Every single purchase there would 100% be a tax write off because it was for the set.
yes you moron that's the entire joke
well ok genius how else would you keep track of where you put the hidden map to the hidden planet you don't want anyone else to find?
i mean, obviously you're going to get a dagger and cut out the top and shit to match the wreckage exactly at the moment you made it, from an incredibly specific reference point that you'll give no clue to the whereabouts of, that very vaguely points to some general location from several miles away.
its just works
Bullshit. That scene was in the trailer.
Literally ripped off from the DuckTales pilot movie.
Yep
Fricking hell
This is the only movie where I've seen someone get angry at the plot in public. There was an icee thrown across the theater at around the 45 minute mark.
>I know nobody has ever used this ability before but trust us that rey can use the force to literally resurrect the dead
Why the frick didn't she just resurrect Han Solo then?
Why didn't Vader use it on Padme?
he was out of mana
Listen they needed the navigating device because the planet cannot be visited otherwise. Even sith needed one, either transmitted from ground or another destroyer, as they were incomplete (the last bits to install were seatbelts, a radio for some tunes and the navigation beacon necessary to not be stranded on a planet, in that order.
It's absolutely mandatory. Unless you're an extra in 3rd act.
jj abrams tried to make a Goonies sequel, basically.
Dr. Ren, I'm APE
Reminder all nu wars is homosexual shit
>sigh
>for some reason, Palpatine has announced his return in Fortnite
It is FAR FAR FAR WORSE than that.
What's the more hackneyed line
>Somehow, Palpatine returned
or
>THIS IS KATANA
suicide squad is cringe kino
This is Katana is just like a generic action line template that was awkward. Somehow Palpatine has returned shouldn't be in any script ever.
Star Wars died for me when slow bombers replaced Y-Wins in The Last Jedi.
It disgusted me when you could warp into another ship.
The last one was just a comedy to me.
>Disney really spent $4 billion to make a new trilogy they had zero outline for and gave each planned director complete creative control
The Last Jedi is a horrible movie but I'm glad it exists because it killed the franchise.
Prediction for the upcoming movies: Somehow Palpatine returned. And he build new solar system, which is giant death star station. several planets are is do a death star!!! BUT!!! There is a little switch in his cabinet which can blow up everything!!! So our heroes: Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa, Anakin Skywalker and Marka Ragnos decide to stop the evil empire which took control of EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But they will have to face clone of YODA created by PALPATINE!!!!!!!!!!! This will be divided into 9 movies.
>Prediction for the upcoming movies:
My prediction is no one watches them.
that's where you wrong. everyone in the world will watch and then will watch it again because it will be fresh unrefined material with absolutely new characters like yoda skywalker palpatine skywalker skywalker skywalker skywalker skywalker II
heh...I already sense that you can't resist it. I don't blame you. Tight Titi is great director. Hope there will be cameo by Thor and Guardians of Galaxy
giant palpatine shaped death star
motherfricker
raer pupu
Rey gets Blacked, finally.
>when women raised on Harry Potter try to write a Star Wars story
I was in the theater and at the end of the movie I remember the part where the ships start crashing for some reason around every planet in the galaxy. I remember seeing one crash near another star destroyer from the original trilogy and just shaking my head. started thinking the sequel trilogy just seemed so fricking pointless and empty like who the frick were these stupid characters what was the point of this BS I hope jj abrams dies soon