Saltburn

What the fuck is wrong with this slop. Literally the worst film I have seen all year, even worse than The Marvels.

I went in being told it was a psychological thriller. It turns out literally half the film is softcore gay porn. I'm not sure what's worst, the scenes where:
>the main character sees his friend masturbating in a bathtub. after his friend leaves he goes and drinks the bathwater
>the main character is at a grave and suddenly takes of all his clothes and starts fucking the dirt
>the final scene is 3 minutes of the main character dancing naked with his dick flopping about the whole time

You just know this was directed by a gay man or a woman.

  1. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Yuck. Zoomer shit.

  2. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Sounds like a film planned/designed/crafted solely to appeal to zoomers on Letterboxd or Film Twitter

  3. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >You just know this was directed by a gay man or a woman
    Written and directed by this posho roastie

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      OK that's disgusting

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      That makes a lot of sense. Women are fucking degenerates who are obsessed with making everything about sex.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >you don't like my movie? FUCK YOU I HOPE YOU BURN TO DEATH

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        What is this fat pig allowed to have a fucking voice

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Based, more people should hold these kinds of opinions, if you disagree with me I hope you FUCKING DIE AND YOUR FUCKING FAMILY DIE TOO

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Counterpoint: putting resentful psychotic mediocrities at the helm of the ship is a bad idea
          Especially when the ship is a company that makes money off of entertaining the public
          >The audience can't relate to my psychotic resentful movie and I HOPE THEY ALL DIE
          >Please tune in next time

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            That’s why having these people at the forefront is so great, they’re completely clueless and doing more to correct the market changes since 2010 than anyone really, also I hope you fucking die how fucking dare you disagree with me

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >Slampig fujo gets to direct her dream yaoi fanfic
        >Tells everyone who didn't like it to die
        Shockingly based

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Do you think she casting couched Barry Keoghan and the Euphoria chad?

  4. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I don't know what the fuck the director was thinking. It's mostly entertaining and compelling but those scenes singlehandedly ruin it. Add the main character licking that skank's period blood to the list

  5. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Saw this in LA and even the LA crowd was clearly disgusted by the bathtub shit. It may be too degenerate to be Oscar bait.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >Saw this in LA
      What the fuck were you doing in that shit hole?

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      You're supposed to find it disgusting

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >Don't you get it, the film is bad on purpose.

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          If you think something being depicted is the same thing as being endorsed then you have such severe autism you should find a hobby other than film because you will never be able to grasp it.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Doesn’t make it good or interesting. Just makes it disgusting.

  6. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Honestly sounds pretty based but the director is a disgusting pig and I hate that ugly goblin Barry Keoghan

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      She’s pregnant you retards, the hormones swell up your face.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        She looks too old to be pregnant

  7. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I watched it for the maths autist exclusively but thought it was pretty kino. Thought it would be easy Oscar bait but it’s probably too graphic to win anything. Rosamund Pike was great as always.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Is that baby monk?

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Yes, he’s alive and is now a maths genius with autism.

  8. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Also you forgot to mention when Oliver goes down on Venetia when she’s on her period and smears the blood all over her face.

  9. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    haha not even a new movie poster makes me want to watch this drivel. everything about this screams normie cattle. dropped like a stone

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Normies are watching the new hunger games not Saltburn.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        hate coke? why not have a pepsi

        douchebag normie cattle

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I hate Pepsi, it tastes like bourbon. But I genuinely don’t see normies watching Saltburn for any other reason than to thirst over Jacob Elordi.

  10. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Trailer made it look like what an insecure diversity hire thinks re: "the privileged"
    >They live in stately homes
    >They're white and handsome
    >They're cruel and unhinged and weird and live only to mock outsiders

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      The director/writer is from English aristocracy and went to Oxford herself. Also the posh people are actually really nice in the movie, it’s the poorer guy that is the psychopath. What did she mean by that….

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        It means she lives in reality. The poor are violent savages devoid of culture and learning, generally speaking.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >>The director/writer is from English aristocracy and went to Oxford herself.
        >Fennell was born in Hammersmith in London to israeliteellery designer Theo Fennell and author Louise Fennell (née MacGregor).[6] Her sister, Coco Fennell, is a fashion designer.[7][8]
        >Fennell was educated at Marlborough College, a private school in Marlborough, Wiltshire.[9] She then studied English at Greyfriars, Oxford, where she acted in university plays.
        >Alister Theodore Fennell (born 8 August 1951)[1] is a British israeliteellery and silverware designer. He is often called the "King of Bling" for his flamboyant designs for celebrity clientele.
        I don't think you know what the aristocracy is - merely growing up rich doesn't cut it
        Although I concede I haven't seen the film so perhaps the posh people really are all smiles therein, it certainly didn't look that way in the trailer though

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Huh, that’s surprising. I knew she was from a wealthy family but assumed she would have an aristocratic lineage. It’s not often that English people are rich or have such hobby like jobs like a israeliteellery designer without having some sort of pedigree.

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            She went to Eton, she is of course aristocratic, upper class adjacent. It is actually a huge thing in the british film industry why everyone you know their name went to Eton. It is basically the WEF for producing brainwashed woke subversives.

            • 2 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              There are like six working (white) British actors who did not grow up extremely rich and/or are the children of landed aristocracy. The worst part is when they try to obfuscate their privelege like Anya Taylor-Joy.

              • 2 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >The worst part is when they try to obfuscate their privelege like Anya Taylor-Joy.
                Is it true when starting out she put on an American accent in real life and tried to present herself as a normal Miami gir living in a single room apartment (in a complex her daddy owned)?

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >It’s not often that English people are rich or have such hobby like jobs like a israeliteellery designer without having some sort of pedigree.
            This hasn't been true for several hundred years

            She won an award for Promising Young Woman. It’s too early for Saltburn to win anything but Barry might win something for it. More likely Jacob will beat him for his Priscilla performance though.

            >Promising Young Woman
            literally what?
            Oh wait, wasn't this the edgy movie by a female director about how women are good and men are bad?

            I think people tend to incorrectly conflate upper/upper middle class and aristocracy, Rishi Sunak is doubtlessly upper class and has an Etonian education, I’d say she falls more into that category rather than Rees-Mogg old money aristocracy

            You're right. People think if you're rich and posh and went to Eton then you're an aristocrat.
            Even Rees-Mogg isn't truly a hereditary aristocrat (in the sense that people usually use the term), his title only dates from the 1980's. His family's been wealthy for a long time on his father's side but just glancing thru Wikipedia I'm not seeing any titles or anything, and the ancestral home, Cholwell House, while very nice, is not quite the Downton Abbey-esque castle that anons might be thinking of. Meanwhile his mother's father was a lorry driver.

            She went to Eton, she is of course aristocratic, upper class adjacent. It is actually a huge thing in the british film industry why everyone you know their name went to Eton. It is basically the WEF for producing brainwashed woke subversives.

            The really posh aristocrats don't send their sons to school at all. There's a reason schools like Eton are called public schools in England.

            • 2 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              Are you a bong aristocrat or something?

              • 2 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                No, although Wikipedia tells me I am descended from line of ancient Irish kings
                this is probably not true

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I think people tend to incorrectly conflate upper/upper middle class and aristocracy, Rishi Sunak is doubtlessly upper class and has an Etonian education, I’d say she falls more into that category rather than Rees-Mogg old money aristocracy

  11. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Academy Award winner

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      ?

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        This literally who has won a once prestigious award, presumably for slopping it up in some absolute slop

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          She won an award for Promising Young Woman. It’s too early for Saltburn to win anything but Barry might win something for it. More likely Jacob will beat him for his Priscilla performance though.

  12. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I will now wait for a torrent. Planned on seeing it sometime this week but I just can't handle that much weird shit while sitting with other people.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      It’s out on prime once it’s finished it’s theatre run.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Just pretend you are a movie reviewer or something.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I will also download this garbage for free

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        How can you be bothered? I would rather pay money for something than have the hassle of torrenting. it’s not because I don’t know how to I swear

  13. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    wait u get to see that irish actors dick?

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Frequently

  14. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >the main character sees his friend masturbating in a bathtub. after his friend leaves he goes and drinks the bathwater
    >the main character is at a grave and suddenly takes of all his clothes and starts fucking the dirt
    >the final scene is 3 minutes of the main character dancing naked with his dick flopping about the whole time

    My estimation of Barry Keoghan as a man just fucking plummeted.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Anon, I've seen like three or four movies with this dude and every time he's played a little weirdo. I think he just likes those kinds of characters tbh.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Anon, I've seen like three or four movies with this dude and every time he's played a little weirdo. I think he just likes those kinds of characters tbh.

      He was the one that pushed for the role. He told the director “I am Oliver Quick” (the main character’s name). I think he’s talented but he’s a bit of a dick.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      None of these things happened. Try again.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Are you thinking of another movie? Because those are all in the film.

  15. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Barry Keoghan is a sexual powerhouse.

    >Cinemaphile would be lucky to suck his piss

  16. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >israeli woman director
    >given unprecedented power and money just for having a pussy
    >makes ostlund / rian johnson / charlie murphy / lanthimos knock-off
    >whooooa it's so SARCASTIC and SMUG And IRONIC

    Women have no creativity at all and are only capable of following trends

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      yep it's literally white people bad the movie, another triangle of sadness

  17. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Saltburn my newborn babies asshole

  18. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Tilde Swinton is the worst. Unironically posher than the royal family. Turns out her daughter acts too. What are the odds?

  19. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Perhaps I should explain to anons what means aristocrat?
    The word ought to mean merely a member of a ruling class whose members are distinguished by being the best men of their society. (Greek: aristos = best, kratos = power)
    These aristocracies ruled European societies since time immemorial but at some point became hereditary aristocracies, which ultimately become something of a contradiction in terms: just because your dad was aristos doesn't mean you are. Nevertheless, this, for many centuries, was what one meant by aristocrat - a member of specific families and bloodlines, generally possessed of various titles and honours and big fuck off castles. Entry into this club was very difficult, until the last few hundred years - particularly after the industrial revolution - when no account middle-class shitmunchers suddenly started making more money than God. first they bought their way into the hereditary aristocracy but after a while it hardly seemed worth it. What's the point? The titles don't impress as much anymore, the privileges are long gone, and you already own more land than they ever did. It's over.
    Nevertheless the word hangs on, and the way people use it - like the way anons are using it ITT - they think they're referring to that older group, the hereditary aristocrats whose ancestors came to Britain with William the Conqueror, or earlier in some cases. But those people mostly don't exist anymore: they all went broke in the 19th century and sold out to merchant types. The few that remain keep their heads down, and are dwarfed in number by the people anons are actually referring to when they say "aristocrat": rich English people who correctly enunciate their words.
    These are not aristocrats in either sense of the word - not the best of us, not scions of ancient noble bloodlines - merely wealthy and prominent. Many don't even have titles or ancestral homes, and those that do bought them quite recently. The proper term is "nouveau riche" or "upjumped scum"

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Calm down Emerald

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        You're an idiot

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Don’t ever reply to me ever again

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      This is true, the actual aristocrats are based af, the noveau riche are the woke crowd trying to gain power at all costs.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        The most prominent actual aristocrat is King Charles, who is woke as fuck
        And he is not unusual
        And that's if by actual you mean hereditary
        Actual actual aristocrats are merely the best men of a nation, ruling that nation
        This situation does not obtain anywhere in the world

  20. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >It turns out literally half the film is softcore gay porn.
    Thanks for the warning, I had this on my list.

  21. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >I went in being told it was a psychological thriller
    Stop lying. You can see from the trailer that the dudes are lustfully staring at each other. Literally every single person that ever had a friend can tell that friends don't look at each other that way

  22. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >It turns out literally half the film is softcore gay porn.

    Thanks for the warning, I just put it on the top of my list.

  23. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    The movie was supposed to be jabbing the aristocracy but it kinda misses seeing as the aristocrats really didn’t do anything wrong and all the problems are caused by the psycho freak from the lower class

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