Secrets of Dumbledore

My god this film was horrible.

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  1. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    what were the secrets anyway? I didn't watch

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      I guess his total clusterfrick of a plan. Who thought that watching multiple plot threads go absolutely nowhere was entertaining as a movie?

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Albus gay love for Grindelwald and his brother's secret son

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        wait, Dumbledore had a crush on his brother's son? Ie, Dumbledore loved his own nephew? Or did Dumbledore love Grindewald and Grindewald's nephew?

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Credence was actually born a woman originally it is revealed, as a daughter to Aberforth
      So they are Aberforth's nephew (niece), not Dumbledore's brother

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        shit I meant DUMBLEDORE'S niece, not Aberforth
        Im high

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        shit I meant DUMBLEDORE'S niece, not Aberforth
        Im high

        this is silly, JK Rowling would never let a trans in her movies

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          yeah but
          credence is canonically a they/them because they have two entities living inside them
          and maybe the Obscurus identifies as female
          didn’t think of that now did you Rowling?

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      >I'm so gay it broke up my family and killed my sister

  2. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    What was even the point of this character? Arguably he had the most terrible thing happen to him (losing all memories of his sister) that should have led to him becoming a completely different person,. But in the end he's just still a good guy for no reason and the fact that he's essentially been brainwashed isn't even commented upon.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Meh, better than the second one (that one was offensively bad), but still quite lame. The first movie was decent but after that it felt like they had no fricking clue of what to do with the movies or the characters. See a literal blank slate whose only contribution to what happens is saving two side characters from being ambushed. But you can cut literally any scene with him and nothing would change. I mean you could cut a good half of this movie and the plot wouldn't change at all.
      Plus I'm mad they dropped Depp for no reason. He was a good villain, and I like Mads but he wasn't given anything to work with, very bland. And yes they still kept that boring homosexual as a lead. It sure backfired a lot casting him in his 20 minutes of fame six years ago (seriously check IMDb, he's been doing jackshit in recent years).
      And what the frick were those duels. They decided magical fighting should be about teleporting and blasting fireworks at eachother, while the Dumbledore/Voldemort fight in HP5 had more creative spells. It's so sad how they are wasting this setting, the potential is there, but they are a bunch of fricking morons.

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        The second one was bad but at least it went somewhere. This was just characters moving about from setpiece to setpiece without even knowing why they where there.

        Also the baker should have gotten magic like they implied in the trailers.

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          >Also the baker should have gotten magic like they implied in the trailers.
          No I'm glad they at least didn't break canon with that, you're either a wizard or you aren't. Otherwise it would have opened a can of worms I don't even want to think about.
          About the second one, the whole barrage of plot twists at the end was simply too moronic and killed the movie for good.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            Why wouldn't he be a muggle-born wizard? America didn't seem to like non-magical folk much so they'd have no reason to search them out or to train them. It would also explain somewhat how he resisted the memory wipe.

            • 2 years ago
              Anonymous

              >Why wouldn't he be a muggle-born wizard?
              They'd have established him as a wizard earlier, although we already discussed that the whole plot was a mess. So either he was born a wizard and didn't know, or he wasn't, and this was the case.
              Come to think there was really no point in giving him a fake wand. Unless Dumbledore was omniscient and knew he'd stir shit up at the dinner. But than again that happened in the 50% of the movie I said could be deleted with no harm to the plot.

              • 2 years ago
                Anonymous

                They even made it a point to describe him as a Muggle in the headline. Why would anyone be threatened by a Muggle flailing a stick around? They should have given him a gun or something.

                Come to think of it, a lot of things would have been solved better and easier by guns and hand grenades. How the bad guy wanted to wage war on the Muggles is beyond me. There's like a thousand of them for every wizard. Maybe even more.

              • 2 years ago
                Anonymous

                Here's an idea to make the movie more interesting: it was a preloaded wand with a fixed number of spells which can be used by anyone, Muggle included.

              • 2 years ago
                Anonymous

                That would have been interesting but would also have opened a worldbuilding can of worms.

  3. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Eddie Firecrotch is a shit actor and I'm tired of people pretending otherwise.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      You can't tell in this because everyone is phoning it in except for maybe Mikkelsen and the baker.

  4. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Is it bad? A lot of people were shitting on the second but I thought it was good. Mostly because of Depp and surprisingly enough the Black person female carrying everyone else.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      I thought Depp wasn't in this one

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Yeah Lally was unexpectedly great
      The actress actually seemed to be having fun and trying to do a good job
      It probably helps that she was 8 when the first book came out

      He's not good with the wand though, he holds it upside down and backwards like a moron

      so this clarence character has had what? 1 year of training with a wand? hogwarts is clearly a scam

      He's using the obscurial power, it's why he's dying, it's eating him alive

      That's the same for Credence though he didn't know he was a Wizard

      As stupid as the whole obscurial idea is I think it's because he didn't know he could do magic and was making things happen accidentally. He wasn't actively trying to suppress his abilities because he didn't know about them.

      >Ariana was attacked by Muggle boys who saw her practising underage magic, which left her traumatised to the point of rendering her magical abilities uncontrollable

      My God Harry Potter is fricking lame so why wasn't Harry a fricking obscurial then

      Both Harry didn't know about magic and he wasn't beaten in a 1920s orphanage
      The Dursleys were mean but they didn't fricking whip him routinely

  5. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    And it’s still better than the first two kek tells you how shitty this franchise is

  6. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    This movie starts with the bad guy slitting a baby deer's throat and it bleeding out of the floor. What a magical family film!

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      The second one had two infant deaths. It's like she forgot how to write characters so she replaced it with child death and animal cruelty so maybe you'll be tricked into thinking you're watching something with emotional weight to it.

  7. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    >Gay necklace thing that was supposed to prevent them from fighting actually doesn't matter because they can fight in the Doctor Strange mirror dimension
    >Mindreader waifu that became a nazi after one rally just becomes good again after beating bad guy
    >The stupid fricking scene where all our main characters just hang out in the dining hall at Hogwarts with a bunch of children because "member Hogwarts?"
    J.K. genuinely lost it more than George Lucas.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      No it stopped working when their spells collided when trying to kill/save Ezra or some shit. It was poorly handled.

      Just as the fact that the magic world apparently has a world gouvernement seated in Berlin for some reason. I thought previous films established that magic borders more or less correspond to the non-magical world.

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        Especially since they'd been building up the character as some super OP weapon and he jobs to Dumbledore literally just holding up his hand like the green shirt bathroom guardian

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          Ok that looks cool atleast. Makes me want to watch it now.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            it wasnt a badly made movie at all, just no "wow" factor other than Mads i guess
            mainly it was a relief it was better than the 2nd one

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            The special effects are this movies only good point.

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          so this clarence character has had what? 1 year of training with a wand? hogwarts is clearly a scam

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            He's not good with the wand though, he holds it upside down and backwards like a moron

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        How do they even tally the votes? Do only the people in Tibet have their vote count? How can you just say re-do the vote without some sort of official process

  8. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    In the worst way: it was boring.

  9. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    So how was Dumbledore's sister an obscurial? That occurs when your magic is suppressed so how the frick was she unable to practice her magic

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      >Ariana was attacked by Muggle boys who saw her practising underage magic, which left her traumatised to the point of rendering her magical abilities uncontrollable

      My God Harry Potter is fricking lame so why wasn't Harry a fricking obscurial then

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        As stupid as the whole obscurial idea is I think it's because he didn't know he could do magic and was making things happen accidentally. He wasn't actively trying to suppress his abilities because he didn't know about them.

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          That's the same for Credence though he didn't know he was a Wizard

  10. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    I had absolutely no idea this movie even existed until I saw an ad for it on twitter like the day before it was coming out. Will be forgotten quickly like the other ones already have.

  11. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    I saw it a week or two ago, and completely mind wiped it. No impact. Hardly any memory of what I saw.

  12. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Saw it yesterday holy shit is the black profesor dating scamander girlfriend at the end or what ?

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      What? I never got that impression. Do you mean Scamander's girlfriend who's barely in the movie or his assistant?

      did they use photos for the top trio but drawings for the bottom or just a really shitty filter?
      also mads' hand looks edited in, fricking moronic ass poster

      They're all photos.

  13. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    the only worth it had was the cgi buildings exploding in that one scene

  14. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    did they use photos for the top trio but drawings for the bottom or just a really shitty filter?
    also mads' hand looks edited in, fricking moronic ass poster

  15. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    The funniest part is they brought the screenwriter from the originals back to try to salvage Rowling's shitty writing and he couldn't save it. They just need to ditch her. They own the rights to make movies without her right? Just tell her to frick off and give the fans the Marauder's prequel they want.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      They probably want her name on the final product. Ideally they'd keep her to spitball ideas and let someone else write a coherent story.

  16. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    I'm unironically a big Harry Potter fan, and I couldn't even be bothered to see it. The last two movies were putrid trash.

  17. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    This movie felt like a GI:Joe or He Man episode, convoluted plans and some action scenes and then the same exact status quo as the beginning is returned at the end with the villain going "nyeh heh heh, I'll get you next time Wizards!" It's like they somehow turned a filler episode into an entire movie.

  18. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    It wasn’t even bad it was just so meh
    Like at least with a shit movie you can rage about it, I felt nothing watching it I was sort of like “okay that happened”

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      No I can definitely rage about it. You can laugh at bad movies but this just wasted over two hours of my time.

  19. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    it felt like they forgot to film a proper ending. he just.. falls off the roof and gets away? so they can milk this series a little longer? really?

  20. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    credence story ended like halfway through. should of just kept it going and had the 2 dumblebro's fight credance and grindelwort together at the end.

  21. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    I've read HP fanfiction that was more coherent than this mess. Yes that includes porn fics.

  22. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Only the first Fantastic Beasts was decent. Second one was shit. Haven't seen this new one yet.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Don't bother. It's aggressively forgettable.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      The first one was kino yeah, Colin Farrell was great

  23. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Probably the one movie I won't watch Mads Mikkelsen in

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      He's a bad replacement for Depp.

  24. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    So, did they cancel the movies after this?

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      It probably made money due to the franchise alone. They'll definitely shit out some more of these.

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