When I was 13 or so I dumped a nearly full large Coca Cola onto the ground in the very back row and imagined the surprise of the people who hadn't left and how their shit got ruined delightfully as a left the theater.
One time I invited a stripper over to my house. She asked me if I had coke and I said yes. When we got there, I showed her a full bottle of the stuff and she started crying.
>be me >be in theater to watch Scott Pilgrim (which I enjoyed, thank you very much) >the trailers are playing >there's this group of fratboy dudes nearby >FROM THE SICK TWISTED MIND OF M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN >the fratboys start groaning in an amusing way >it's the elevator one, Devil, various cuts of the actors remaining trapped inside the elevator, standard thriller trailer >I wait until after the crescendo and wait for a moment of quiet, then I loudly announce: "IT WAS THE ELEVATOR ALL ALONG!" >the fratboys chuckled, a few other people in the room did too, a black woman near me said damn this white boy is sexy
I recently spoiled the plot for Devil in another thread by [SPOILER]telling everyone it was the old lady who was the devil and killed everyone in the elevator.[SPOILER]// test
>take date to see the magnificent seven starring denzel and chris pratt >decently packed theater >4 rows behind us a white trash couple gets into an argument with a random dude for bumping into the wife >a full on brawl ensues, complete with popcorn being tossed and the wife screaming bloody murder >wife is screaming "CALL THE POLICE CALL THE POLICE!!!!!" and all 3 end up leaving >everyone in the theater is sitting there silent and stunned
this all happened during the previews
When I saw the Matthew Broderick "Godzilla" film, I accidentally spilt my drink on the carpet. When I went to concessions to ask if I could get another, they gave me a rag and told me to clean it up. I was probably 8. And yes, I cleaned that shit up.
>go to see lord of the rings with my bros back in the day >packed cinema, some girl goes "that looks like a really good movie" in the silence between trailers a little too loud to whoever she was with >audience totally silent, awkward, everyone heard her >after the next trailer my mate shouts THAT LOOKS LIKE A REALLY GOOD MOVIE with a comically womanly voice at the top of his lungs >audience erupts >everybody clapped etc.
>be watching Eragon with the lada >movie is shit >see friends older brother in front row with a girl >discuss among ourselves and say how weird it is to be 28 and taking a girl to see this shit fantasy movie >completely silent scene in movie >Friend gets up, yells the older brother's full name and calls him a loser and a homosexual for bringing a girl to this >he goes bright red >We throw ice at him and his girlfriend for 50 minutes straight >Laugh till I throw up
Your friends brother is a complete homosexual, my younger sibling would never dare disrespect me as I would have literally choked him unconscious when he got home that night.
Clearly the brother was a beta, to even try something like that against an older brother is ludicrous. I once drop kicked my brother down the stairs for saying my shirt was gay, if he said it with a potential sexusl conquest within earshot I would have curb stomped him
>Be me >first date with a girl >couple of guys shouting and throwing stuff
>tell him to keep it quiet >one of them says "meet me after the movie ends I am gonna beat the frick out of you" >rest of the movie my adrenaline is going as I mentally prepare for a fight>as me and my girl are walking our I see him having a cigarette >tell my girl to meet me at the car >I walk up to him and chat shit and offer to fight him around the corner >he says "sorry bro I got carried away can we just squash it please" and tries to shake my hand >I walk over to my car and as I am about to get in with my girl he drives past and shouts "You are lucky you were scared to fight pussy" and drives off >I try and start the car but I am too angry and end up slamming my hands onto the car door as the girl looks at me with embarrassmet
k true story - the day in question went like this - i had bacon,, sausages , 2 fried eggs, fried breads, coffee and pancakes with mayple for breakfast
lunch was McD - 2 quarter pounders ,fries, shake
then dinner i had Pizza and coke..
then on the way to the cinema i had a KFC...
Then in the cinema i had a big hotdog...
anyway about the 2 hr mark into TDK (joker visting dent in hospital) i really needed to crap...i felt a few farts erupt but i held them in..i didnt wanna stink up the place and i sure didnt wanna go to the toilet and miss about 5 or 10 minutes...so i held it...however i then heard/felt explosions going off in my gut...i grimmiced..'i..can...hold...it!' i thought....and then it happened...something thats never happened to me b4...i felt the fudge FORCE its way out...i gripped the seat handels..'no No NO!!' I thought..it came..there was no turning back..i was empting into my pants and there was nothing i could do about it...it came and came and came and just when i thought it was done it came some more...it started to fall down the pant leg.....then the smell started...it was obvious...the guy next to me (full house) said 'jesus christ'...i got up and squeezed past the line..people were going 'arrgggg..stinking bastard ...fing idiot..disgusting' etc
i went to the toliets went in the cubical..took off my pants and threw my caked underwear away...cleaned my pant leg as best i could..then went out the theatre..got in my car and drove away crying.
i missed the last half hour all because i couldnt stop eating...then pooping
i failed myself.....i failed the theatre audience...i failed ledger...and i failed the dark knight
>2009 >go to see Splice on opening night >audience is 90% black >get to the sex scene at the end >the audience absolutely erupts >WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT >YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO >THIS homie FRICKIN A ALIEEEEEENN >GETTIN THAT ALIEN PUSSY >BRO WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU >YOU KNOW A BROTHER DIDNT WRITE THIS SHIT >SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIT
>Girlfriend wanted to watch Thor:Ragnarok >Decided to humor her >We settle down in our seats and these shithead chavs were kicking my chair >Ask them politely to stop >They said what am I gonna do to make them stop >I stand up and start filming them and yelling at them >They call me a paedo and a pervert everyone in the theater is now looking at me >One of the chav girls is yelling that she is 13 years old and this pervert (me) is taking pictures of her >Literal subsaharan african kino guard charges in and tackles me to the ground and basically drags me out of the theater >Manager ends up apologizing profusely after I showed him my recording and the African told me how sorry he was he thought I was a paedo
Haven't been to the theaters since but my girlfriend still goes but by herself. Not very interesting but it made me hate this country.
>Go out to see Fury Road with some friends. >Drunk boomer walks in 15 minutes after it starts and begins yelling incoherent shit at people sitting nearby. >Another boomer stands up and tries to "escort" the drunk out. >Drunk swings at the man trying to help but misses, throwing him off balance. >The Drunk faceplants on the floor and starts convulsing >A bunch of people get up to carry him out of the theater >My friends and I do nothing and continue to enjoy the movie.
>Go to theater with gf to see Iron Man 3 >Chink in front of me keeps using his bright ass cell phone to post on Facebook throughout the movie >Tried asking him to put it away >He turns the brightness to max and doesn't turn it off >Hood ass lookin black next to me gets up and b***h slaps the chink >Slapped so hard it creates a brief echo in the theater. >Chink leaves and came back with security >Black says he called him a Black person >I say I heard it too >Chink starts sweating as security rolls their eyes. >Chink says he's dropping it and leaves >Security, baffled, leaves too. >Black man and I continue to enjoy the rest of the movie.
I know you want some memes about anvils and popcorn mines but too bad >go watch buy two tickets for a movie years ago, can't remember the first one (I think it was wreck it ralph?) and cloud atlas >didn't pay much attention to the start times but knew cloud atlas was some time after the first one, so after it finished I went into the other theater >came in right in the middle of cloud atlas apparently and nothing made any fricking sense >leave frustrated that I fricked up my ticket times that bad, go back the next weekend and buy ANOTHER cloud atlas ticket because I'm convinced the movie will be better when I understand what is going on >the movie STILL MAKES NO GODDAMN SENSE
I was watching Van Wilder earlier, so let me tell you the story of a kid named Timmy
>early 2000s >working at a kinoplex connected to a mall as a teenager >Van Wilder just came out (this is important for later) >enter Timmy, son of a lady who worked in the mall, about 11 or 12 >on several sundays in 2002, Timmy would be in our kinoplex for up to eight hours just watching movies while his mom worked (movie tickets were cheaper than babysitters I guess) >most other staff were aware of this, let it slide because he was a nice kid, quiet and not messy >one day it was pretty hectic, Timmy bought his tickets ahead of time so not a lot of paying attention >no one bothered him since he was a regular face and counters were aware he had his tickets ahead of time anyway >cut to near closing time, Timmy's mom comes in >i check the last showing he bought, said he was in whatever (I think theater 5 or 6, don't remember the movie) >she comes back frantic, Timmy isn't in there, theater was near empty >check the bathroom, not in there, decide to check other showings going on to see if he snuck in to see something else >teenageboy.exe activates >I walk in with his mother into the last Van Wilder showing, Timmy is in there, alone >Timmy is dry humping a seat >scene on the screen is the one butthole frat boy fricking the annoying sorority girl while he says 'SHUT THE FRICK UP' in a nasaly voice >his mom yells 'TIMOTHY MICHAEL (omitted)' >in the same nasaly kind of voice he says SHUT THE FRICK UP >I let out an audible snicker and get a death glare from his mom >do not see Timmy again for two months, he comes in with i assume his class for a graduation party >He's in my line, tell him we dont have any Van Wilder showings >"That's ok, you still have the seats" >cant give him a bigger popcorn, so i give him a free buncha crunch
Timmy is a legend. God bless him and I hope he's doing well.
My boomer dad and his co-worker took me to see Disney's Marvels Avengers Infinity Wars 3: Purple Man Bad edition in 2018. I still had heavy steel work boots from the construction job on, and one of the laces came untied. Like a dumbass I crouched down immediately as I was about to take an escalator down and didn't want it to eat the loose lace, but I did it right in front of some teenage girls leaving their movie. They all started giggling at me and I awkwardly sidestepped so they could go down the escalator while fixing my laces. It's the only spaghetti moment in my entire life.
did your butt crack show when you bent down or something? how is this spaghetti? you stopped to fix your shoe because you were gonna take an escalator... how much are you overthinking everything in life?
>as a wee lad go with my mom and sister to see the Water Horse >about halfway through the movie notice my mom is acting strangely, sitting in an awkward position, not really paying attention to the screen >whatever, I'm kind of bored by the movie anyways >mom was in a bad mood for the rest of the afternoon, guess she hated the movie >we get home, while walking past her bedroom, I hear my mom talking on the phone to police about how there was a man jerking off few seats over from her >she was blocking us from being exposed to a degenerate homosexual the whole time
i was watching joker and it came to the midget scene where arthur was breaking down and everyone was fricking laughing and i was starting to tear up cuz i thought it was a sad scene
>make horrific scene where a guy with a defect is too short to escape an insane man >everyone starts laughing because he's small so it's funny he can't run away.
What a society.
>watching Batman V Superman in kinoplex >get to THAT Martha scene >guy next to me leans over to his friend and asks "they're half-brothers?"
bravo zack!
>go to see Endgame with my gf and annoying little bro (they both wanted to see it) >during the previews, he notices a wagie cleaning up a spilled drink >says that all workers are exploited by capitalism >gf asks what he means >he says humiliating labor for meager pay is the same as slavery >tell him to stfu >watch movie (it sucked) >get McD's afterwards >he says fast food is the biggest enslaver of mankind >ask him how his McChicken is >he says "good, nazi" >get into a big argument with him >gf was quiet >next day she breaks up with me because my little bro DMed her and told her I was a nazi > told her about the stuff I say when trying to redpill him (JQ, women, minorities, trannies, etc) >she said she can't date a hateful bigot >1 week later, my bro can't stop smirking when I see him >ask what's up, he says "you'll see" >get text from ex gf giving me a heads up that my lil bro asked her out the other day and they fricked >he deliberately starts bringing her around the house >have to hide in my room the whole 3 months they were dating and she came around
eventually she broke up with him. worst theater experience of my life
when i saw man of steel with some friends when it came out there was some actual down syndrome dude and when superman snaps zodds neck the entire theatre was silent and the moronic guy just blurts out 'killed him' in his moron voice super loudly
Never had a weird cinema experience. I guess the only abnormal moment was watching Lara Croft as a kid with my dad. My dad could tell the picture was stretched vertically and didn't want to miss Jolie's bikini scenes, so he ran out found the manager and made them fix it. It was the only time I have ever seen him do something like that, he prefers not to deal with humans any more than he must.
I used to work at a cinema as an usher and one day when I was doing a cinema check (telling people to get off their phones and get their feet off seats) I saw this couple making out. Normally I wouldn't give a shit but it was a kids movie and there were lots of families there. It was dark and all I could see was that two fatties were making out so I approached and said "could you guys please stop, there are children around". I didn't realise that I had encountered two raging bulldykes and they started screaming some bullshit about homophobia at me. I was about 17 at the time so I b***hed it and started walking away to tell my manager about these buttholes. I heard a great rumbling start behind me because both had gotten out of their seats to follow me to continue abusing me. The cops ended up being called because they just wouldn't fricking leave me alone and they were permanently banned from the cinema.
To this day I still am wary of fat lesbians because of this couple of dumb c**ts.
>went to see nutty professor with best friend & his hot sister who was barely older than us enough to drive >im in the middle >she looks just like kirsten dunst >bro keeps glancing back protectively >he knows i love her >play it cool though and soon he gets into the movie, & leans into it >i finally glance at her & her breasts are bursting out of her gwen stefani 90s tank >around the 4th glance i see her nipples poking >jfc holyshit >the klumps dinner scene plays >entire theatre erupts with laughter >her smile is perfect >she laughs so fricking hard she leans into me >she stays leaning that way the whole time, and buries her face into me when she laughs hard,her boob flesh touching my bare arm each time >my boner is visible from space >realize this is the closest ill ever get to her in life, cause despite only a year older she is outta my league >i get bolder & try to feel her up >my hand is shaking, cant move out of pussyness >end up not touching her there >car ride home, they live a mile from the movie, I live 4miles away,she drops her bro off first >that is still a bit weird but didnt think much of it, just looking forward to 1on1 time >she asks if i've ever kissed a girl yet >heart leaps out, i hear feedback like a grenade went off >joke that i've kissed plenty (why am i out of breath) >she just says, oh yeah? >quiet for a bit >stops car at the park >suddenly says "show me" and leans in to me >for the briefest of milliseconds i worry about my breath, but it's gone as we make the frick out for what feels like an eternity to some 90s pop >i get to grope her breasts under her shirt >from now on every visit i stop by her room before or after hanging with bro to make out with her >evolves into oral sex >do this for weeks >finally frick >first time sucked but every time after was insane >often visit just for sex >she says i was her 1st, totally dont buy it but she came 4 times once so maybe >dream came true against all odds >move after highschool > </3
sometimes i still visit
I watched Left Behind in a theater seemingly full of people who had no idea what it was about and after the scene where people started vanishing into thin air the whole audience was going nuts like some India shit.
I once beat 3 15year olds after they were yelling and throwing popcorn at everyone at a screening of The Wolverine (in Japan). I was 18. The movie only served to hype me up, sitting there right next to them, i told myself as soon as it cut to black i'd bust their heads. And i did. Soon as it happened, i got up, gave everyone 2 good knuckle sandwiches to the eye, and walked out calmly not looking at anyone like Michel Corleone. Came back to the theater a week later, noone seemed to care or notice.
>be 12 y/o me >see ad for cool sci-fi movie >"Event Horizon" >cool grandma wants to see it too >we gan >mom, younger brother, and younger sister go with but see a kid/cartoon movie in another room >Event Horizon happens >mom, younger brother, and younger sister sneak into our theater to wait for us >Event Horizon's third act happens >mom, younger brother, and younger sister gtfo and wait in the car instead
>want to pee in the middle of the movie >walk out to the entrance aisle >I can still see the screen but the rest of the audience can't see me >pee on the wall >go back to my seat without having missed anything
I can't be the only one who does this.
30 yo roasties btfo
When I was 13 or so I dumped a nearly full large Coca Cola onto the ground in the very back row and imagined the surprise of the people who hadn't left and how their shit got ruined delightfully as a left the theater.
One time I invited a stripper over to my house. She asked me if I had coke and I said yes. When we got there, I showed her a full bottle of the stuff and she started crying.
Win lmfao
Stripper btfo
I see all these threads about the new predator movie and I didn't see it listed at my theater so I saw top gun again.
it;s actually stupid how its not in theaters
dont worry you got to watch a good film and not a 4/10 piece of shit
its not a movie
A guy shits himself after catching his sleeping with their literal bed in bed.
>be me
>be in theater to watch Scott Pilgrim (which I enjoyed, thank you very much)
>the trailers are playing
>there's this group of fratboy dudes nearby
>FROM THE SICK TWISTED MIND OF M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN
>the fratboys start groaning in an amusing way
>it's the elevator one, Devil, various cuts of the actors remaining trapped inside the elevator, standard thriller trailer
>I wait until after the crescendo and wait for a moment of quiet, then I loudly announce: "IT WAS THE ELEVATOR ALL ALONG!"
>the fratboys chuckled, a few other people in the room did too, a black woman near me said damn this white boy is sexy
>IT WAS THE ELEVATOR ALL ALONG
Kek my friend and I did the same thing everyone had a good laugh, glad to see great minds think a like anon
I recently spoiled the plot for Devil in another thread by [SPOILER]telling everyone it was the old lady who was the devil and killed everyone in the elevator.[SPOILER]// test
>take date to see the magnificent seven starring denzel and chris pratt
>decently packed theater
>4 rows behind us a white trash couple gets into an argument with a random dude for bumping into the wife
>a full on brawl ensues, complete with popcorn being tossed and the wife screaming bloody murder
>wife is screaming "CALL THE POLICE CALL THE POLICE!!!!!" and all 3 end up leaving
>everyone in the theater is sitting there silent and stunned
this all happened during the previews
I haven't paid money to see a movie since 2016 due to my local theater having a back door which leads to the custodians closet that's always unlocked.
The closet then leads to the back of the theater, past the ticket check booth.
Never once have I run into custodial staff grabbing equipment after all this time.
When I saw the Matthew Broderick "Godzilla" film, I accidentally spilt my drink on the carpet. When I went to concessions to ask if I could get another, they gave me a rag and told me to clean it up. I was probably 8. And yes, I cleaned that shit up.
Did you get a refill?
i dont remember if they did. its just a funny story because of how shit was back then. they had condoms in the bathroom dispenser too. good times.
>go to see lord of the rings with my bros back in the day
>packed cinema, some girl goes "that looks like a really good movie" in the silence between trailers a little too loud to whoever she was with
>audience totally silent, awkward, everyone heard her
>after the next trailer my mate shouts THAT LOOKS LIKE A REALLY GOOD MOVIE with a comically womanly voice at the top of his lungs
>audience erupts
>everybody clapped etc.
>be watching Eragon with the lada
>movie is shit
>see friends older brother in front row with a girl
>discuss among ourselves and say how weird it is to be 28 and taking a girl to see this shit fantasy movie
>completely silent scene in movie
>Friend gets up, yells the older brother's full name and calls him a loser and a homosexual for bringing a girl to this
>he goes bright red
>We throw ice at him and his girlfriend for 50 minutes straight
>Laugh till I throw up
Your friends brother is a complete homosexual, my younger sibling would never dare disrespect me as I would have literally choked him unconscious when he got home that night.
And yes I watch Andrew Tate YouTube shorts
He did get his ass beaten Anon, it was just the hilarity of it. Yelling at the top of his lungs
"BRAD JOHNSON YOU'RE A LOSER AND A homosexual!"
I'm a follower of the Top G myself. I BREATHE AIR every day with discipline.
Clearly the brother was a beta, to even try something like that against an older brother is ludicrous. I once drop kicked my brother down the stairs for saying my shirt was gay, if he said it with a potential sexusl conquest within earshot I would have curb stomped him
why did the friends brother sit through 50 minutes of getting hit with ice? you guys shouldve gotten your ass kicked right then
>Be me
>first date with a girl
>couple of guys shouting and throwing stuff
>tell him to keep it quiet
>one of them says "meet me after the movie ends I am gonna beat the frick out of you"
>rest of the movie my adrenaline is going as I mentally prepare for a fight>as me and my girl are walking our I see him having a cigarette
>tell my girl to meet me at the car
>I walk up to him and chat shit and offer to fight him around the corner
>he says "sorry bro I got carried away can we just squash it please" and tries to shake my hand
>I walk over to my car and as I am about to get in with my girl he drives past and shouts "You are lucky you were scared to fight pussy" and drives off
>I try and start the car but I am too angry and end up slamming my hands onto the car door as the girl looks at me with embarrassmet
You choose a half measure, when you should have went all the way
you should have killed him and then joined a cartel
Did anyone ever go to the cinema with their friends then a tougher or more cool group shows up and everyone gets nervous?
k true story - the day in question went like this - i had bacon,, sausages , 2 fried eggs, fried breads, coffee and pancakes with mayple for breakfast
lunch was McD - 2 quarter pounders ,fries, shake
then dinner i had Pizza and coke..
then on the way to the cinema i had a KFC...
Then in the cinema i had a big hotdog...
anyway about the 2 hr mark into TDK (joker visting dent in hospital) i really needed to crap...i felt a few farts erupt but i held them in..i didnt wanna stink up the place and i sure didnt wanna go to the toilet and miss about 5 or 10 minutes...so i held it...however i then heard/felt explosions going off in my gut...i grimmiced..'i..can...hold...it!' i thought....and then it happened...something thats never happened to me b4...i felt the fudge FORCE its way out...i gripped the seat handels..'no No NO!!' I thought..it came..there was no turning back..i was empting into my pants and there was nothing i could do about it...it came and came and came and just when i thought it was done it came some more...it started to fall down the pant leg.....then the smell started...it was obvious...the guy next to me (full house) said 'jesus christ'...i got up and squeezed past the line..people were going 'arrgggg..stinking bastard ...fing idiot..disgusting' etc
i went to the toliets went in the cubical..took off my pants and threw my caked underwear away...cleaned my pant leg as best i could..then went out the theatre..got in my car and drove away crying.
i missed the last half hour all because i couldnt stop eating...then pooping
i failed myself.....i failed the theatre audience...i failed ledger...and i failed the dark knight
Goddamn its been years since I read this pasta. Somehow a good shit story never gets old.
>2009
>go to see Splice on opening night
>audience is 90% black
>get to the sex scene at the end
>the audience absolutely erupts
>WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT
>YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
>THIS homie FRICKIN A ALIEEEEEENN
>GETTIN THAT ALIEN PUSSY
>BRO WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
>YOU KNOW A BROTHER DIDNT WRITE THIS SHIT
>SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIT
Funniest shit ever.
Can tell this one is fake, the n word wasn't invented until 2016.
>>THIS homie FRICKIN A ALIEEEEEENN
who wouldnt?
>Girlfriend wanted to watch Thor:Ragnarok
>Decided to humor her
>We settle down in our seats and these shithead chavs were kicking my chair
>Ask them politely to stop
>They said what am I gonna do to make them stop
>I stand up and start filming them and yelling at them
>They call me a paedo and a pervert everyone in the theater is now looking at me
>One of the chav girls is yelling that she is 13 years old and this pervert (me) is taking pictures of her
>Literal subsaharan african kino guard charges in and tackles me to the ground and basically drags me out of the theater
>Manager ends up apologizing profusely after I showed him my recording and the African told me how sorry he was he thought I was a paedo
Haven't been to the theaters since but my girlfriend still goes but by herself. Not very interesting but it made me hate this country.
you should hate your gf.. and yourself
>>They said what am I gonna do to make them stop
>>I stand up and start filming them and yelling at them
What exactly is this supposed to accomplish?
making them think he's such a poofter that they might catch aids if they dont stop interacting with him
>Go out to see Fury Road with some friends.
>Drunk boomer walks in 15 minutes after it starts and begins yelling incoherent shit at people sitting nearby.
>Another boomer stands up and tries to "escort" the drunk out.
>Drunk swings at the man trying to help but misses, throwing him off balance.
>The Drunk faceplants on the floor and starts convulsing
>A bunch of people get up to carry him out of the theater
>My friends and I do nothing and continue to enjoy the movie.
>Go to theater with gf to see Iron Man 3
>Chink in front of me keeps using his bright ass cell phone to post on Facebook throughout the movie
>Tried asking him to put it away
>He turns the brightness to max and doesn't turn it off
>Hood ass lookin black next to me gets up and b***h slaps the chink
>Slapped so hard it creates a brief echo in the theater.
>Chink leaves and came back with security
>Black says he called him a Black person
>I say I heard it too
>Chink starts sweating as security rolls their eyes.
>Chink says he's dropping it and leaves
>Security, baffled, leaves too.
>Black man and I continue to enjoy the rest of the movie.
I know you want some memes about anvils and popcorn mines but too bad
>go watch buy two tickets for a movie years ago, can't remember the first one (I think it was wreck it ralph?) and cloud atlas
>didn't pay much attention to the start times but knew cloud atlas was some time after the first one, so after it finished I went into the other theater
>came in right in the middle of cloud atlas apparently and nothing made any fricking sense
>leave frustrated that I fricked up my ticket times that bad, go back the next weekend and buy ANOTHER cloud atlas ticket because I'm convinced the movie will be better when I understand what is going on
>the movie STILL MAKES NO GODDAMN SENSE
test
I pissed myself watching spiderman 3 back in the day because I didn't wanted to miss the movie
was it worth it?
I was watching Van Wilder earlier, so let me tell you the story of a kid named Timmy
>early 2000s
>working at a kinoplex connected to a mall as a teenager
>Van Wilder just came out (this is important for later)
>enter Timmy, son of a lady who worked in the mall, about 11 or 12
>on several sundays in 2002, Timmy would be in our kinoplex for up to eight hours just watching movies while his mom worked (movie tickets were cheaper than babysitters I guess)
>most other staff were aware of this, let it slide because he was a nice kid, quiet and not messy
>one day it was pretty hectic, Timmy bought his tickets ahead of time so not a lot of paying attention
>no one bothered him since he was a regular face and counters were aware he had his tickets ahead of time anyway
>cut to near closing time, Timmy's mom comes in
>i check the last showing he bought, said he was in whatever (I think theater 5 or 6, don't remember the movie)
>she comes back frantic, Timmy isn't in there, theater was near empty
>check the bathroom, not in there, decide to check other showings going on to see if he snuck in to see something else
>teenageboy.exe activates
>I walk in with his mother into the last Van Wilder showing, Timmy is in there, alone
>Timmy is dry humping a seat
>scene on the screen is the one butthole frat boy fricking the annoying sorority girl while he says 'SHUT THE FRICK UP' in a nasaly voice
>his mom yells 'TIMOTHY MICHAEL (omitted)'
>in the same nasaly kind of voice he says SHUT THE FRICK UP
>I let out an audible snicker and get a death glare from his mom
>do not see Timmy again for two months, he comes in with i assume his class for a graduation party
>He's in my line, tell him we dont have any Van Wilder showings
>"That's ok, you still have the seats"
>cant give him a bigger popcorn, so i give him a free buncha crunch
Timmy is a legend. God bless him and I hope he's doing well.
My boomer dad and his co-worker took me to see Disney's Marvels Avengers Infinity Wars 3: Purple Man Bad edition in 2018. I still had heavy steel work boots from the construction job on, and one of the laces came untied. Like a dumbass I crouched down immediately as I was about to take an escalator down and didn't want it to eat the loose lace, but I did it right in front of some teenage girls leaving their movie. They all started giggling at me and I awkwardly sidestepped so they could go down the escalator while fixing my laces. It's the only spaghetti moment in my entire life.
did your butt crack show when you bent down or something? how is this spaghetti? you stopped to fix your shoe because you were gonna take an escalator... how much are you overthinking everything in life?
>as a wee lad go with my mom and sister to see the Water Horse
>about halfway through the movie notice my mom is acting strangely, sitting in an awkward position, not really paying attention to the screen
>whatever, I'm kind of bored by the movie anyways
>mom was in a bad mood for the rest of the afternoon, guess she hated the movie
>we get home, while walking past her bedroom, I hear my mom talking on the phone to police about how there was a man jerking off few seats over from her
>she was blocking us from being exposed to a degenerate homosexual the whole time
i was watching joker and it came to the midget scene where arthur was breaking down and everyone was fricking laughing and i was starting to tear up cuz i thought it was a sad scene
>make horrific scene where a guy with a defect is too short to escape an insane man
>everyone starts laughing because he's small so it's funny he can't run away.
What a society.
Deep down everyone loves midgeposting
>watching Batman V Superman in kinoplex
>get to THAT Martha scene
>guy next to me leans over to his friend and asks "they're half-brothers?"
bravo zack!
>be me
>go to Kinoplex with the gf (no singles policy) to see The Batman
>enjoy it
>go home
>have sex
It's not that funny when I type it out
Talking about having to clean the toilet scissors induces a seizure so I'd rather not.
Any tips for navigating the popcorn mines, lads?
The last time I was in there I almost died from the crowstings.
I knew a guy who thought the condom dispensers in the bathrooms were candy.
>go to see Endgame with my gf and annoying little bro (they both wanted to see it)
>during the previews, he notices a wagie cleaning up a spilled drink
>says that all workers are exploited by capitalism
>gf asks what he means
>he says humiliating labor for meager pay is the same as slavery
>tell him to stfu
>watch movie (it sucked)
>get McD's afterwards
>he says fast food is the biggest enslaver of mankind
>ask him how his McChicken is
>he says "good, nazi"
>get into a big argument with him
>gf was quiet
>next day she breaks up with me because my little bro DMed her and told her I was a nazi
> told her about the stuff I say when trying to redpill him (JQ, women, minorities, trannies, etc)
>she said she can't date a hateful bigot
>1 week later, my bro can't stop smirking when I see him
>ask what's up, he says "you'll see"
>get text from ex gf giving me a heads up that my lil bro asked her out the other day and they fricked
>he deliberately starts bringing her around the house
>have to hide in my room the whole 3 months they were dating and she came around
eventually she broke up with him. worst theater experience of my life
when i saw man of steel with some friends when it came out there was some actual down syndrome dude and when superman snaps zodds neck the entire theatre was silent and the moronic guy just blurts out 'killed him' in his moron voice super loudly
Never had a weird cinema experience. I guess the only abnormal moment was watching Lara Croft as a kid with my dad. My dad could tell the picture was stretched vertically and didn't want to miss Jolie's bikini scenes, so he ran out found the manager and made them fix it. It was the only time I have ever seen him do something like that, he prefers not to deal with humans any more than he must.
tu papa basado mi amigo
I used to work at a cinema as an usher and one day when I was doing a cinema check (telling people to get off their phones and get their feet off seats) I saw this couple making out. Normally I wouldn't give a shit but it was a kids movie and there were lots of families there. It was dark and all I could see was that two fatties were making out so I approached and said "could you guys please stop, there are children around". I didn't realise that I had encountered two raging bulldykes and they started screaming some bullshit about homophobia at me. I was about 17 at the time so I b***hed it and started walking away to tell my manager about these buttholes. I heard a great rumbling start behind me because both had gotten out of their seats to follow me to continue abusing me. The cops ended up being called because they just wouldn't fricking leave me alone and they were permanently banned from the cinema.
To this day I still am wary of fat lesbians because of this couple of dumb c**ts.
>went to see nutty professor with best friend & his hot sister who was barely older than us enough to drive
>im in the middle
>she looks just like kirsten dunst
>bro keeps glancing back protectively
>he knows i love her
>play it cool though and soon he gets into the movie, & leans into it
>i finally glance at her & her breasts are bursting out of her gwen stefani 90s tank
>around the 4th glance i see her nipples poking
>jfc holyshit
>the klumps dinner scene plays
>entire theatre erupts with laughter
>her smile is perfect
>she laughs so fricking hard she leans into me
>she stays leaning that way the whole time, and buries her face into me when she laughs hard,her boob flesh touching my bare arm each time
>my boner is visible from space
>realize this is the closest ill ever get to her in life, cause despite only a year older she is outta my league
>i get bolder & try to feel her up
>my hand is shaking, cant move out of pussyness
>end up not touching her there
>car ride home, they live a mile from the movie, I live 4miles away,she drops her bro off first
>that is still a bit weird but didnt think much of it, just looking forward to 1on1 time
>she asks if i've ever kissed a girl yet
>heart leaps out, i hear feedback like a grenade went off
>joke that i've kissed plenty (why am i out of breath)
>she just says, oh yeah?
>quiet for a bit
>stops car at the park
>suddenly says "show me" and leans in to me
>for the briefest of milliseconds i worry about my breath, but it's gone as we make the frick out for what feels like an eternity to some 90s pop
>i get to grope her breasts under her shirt
>from now on every visit i stop by her room before or after hanging with bro to make out with her
>evolves into oral sex
>do this for weeks
>finally frick
>first time sucked but every time after was insane
>often visit just for sex
>she says i was her 1st, totally dont buy it but she came 4 times once so maybe
>dream came true against all odds
>move after highschool
> </3
sometimes i still visit
Frick you
didnt happen
I brought a backpack full of chlorine tablets and hydrochloric acid into a black theatre in 2004 and poisoned about 30 people.
I watched Left Behind in a theater seemingly full of people who had no idea what it was about and after the scene where people started vanishing into thin air the whole audience was going nuts like some India shit.
It's not that funny but in the 90's and early 00's there was nothing wrong with going to the theater alone.
at one of my friends birthday parties we took my friends shirt from behind his seat and threw it in a hallway garbage before he found it
I once beat 3 15year olds after they were yelling and throwing popcorn at everyone at a screening of The Wolverine (in Japan). I was 18. The movie only served to hype me up, sitting there right next to them, i told myself as soon as it cut to black i'd bust their heads. And i did. Soon as it happened, i got up, gave everyone 2 good knuckle sandwiches to the eye, and walked out calmly not looking at anyone like Michel Corleone. Came back to the theater a week later, noone seemed to care or notice.
>be 12 y/o me
>see ad for cool sci-fi movie
>"Event Horizon"
>cool grandma wants to see it too
>we gan
>mom, younger brother, and younger sister go with but see a kid/cartoon movie in another room
>Event Horizon happens
>mom, younger brother, and younger sister sneak into our theater to wait for us
>Event Horizon's third act happens
>mom, younger brother, and younger sister gtfo and wait in the car instead
>want to pee in the middle of the movie
>walk out to the entrance aisle
>I can still see the screen but the rest of the audience can't see me
>pee on the wall
>go back to my seat without having missed anything
I can't be the only one who does this.
Some African dude was talking to the screen when I saw The Last Jedi throughout the movie. It improved a poor experience.
I watched the Rugrats movie with my sister in the cinema and I fingered her, she was sopping wet. Then I kicked my fingers. Delicious tempting nectar.