>chev chelios lowered the dingy into the water >megs could be here, he thought, I've never been to this ocean before, megs could be anywhere >the cool wind felt good against his bald head
5 months ago
Anonymous
5 months ago
Anonymous
>the meg & Crank crossover
LETS FRICKING GOOOOO
5 months ago
Anonymous
>tfw no Crank 3 because it could never be made today. In fact it's a miracle every day that ""they"" don't find out about it and cancel everyone involved
5 months ago
Anonymous
After getting his lungs transplanted by the Russian mafia trying to give their Olympic athletes a boost, Chev can only stay alive by staying in water.
5 months ago
Anonymous
way too conservative, they removed his blood and exchanged it for sharkblood and now he has to drink sharkblood to live
5 months ago
Anonymous
>way too conservative
You're right, second try:
Wanting to put the stress of the past behind him, Chev throws his battery heart into the ocean.
A die-hard ocean conservationist, after losing his wife and job on the same day, goes to view his favorite whale to cheer himself up. But the whale seems sick, and eventually beaches itself. An autopsy reveals the battery heart is in the trash that the whale swallowed, contributing to its death.
Enraged, this normally straight-edged man consumes every drug he can find, and over the period of a 72-hour nonstop high researches the heart, finds out about Chev, and kidnaps him. Smuggles him out to the middle of the ocean, injects him with something, then drops him overboard. Chev is just coherent enough to see the name of the chemical. He calls up a friend (thank God for waterproof cases), and the friend says he'll call him back with more info. Shortly after, Chev starts getting attacked by sharks nonstop. He receives a call back ("a little busy here!") and his friend tells him he was injected with a shark aggression pheromone. However, there is one way to counteract it, with an even stronger pheromone: a mating pheromone. Chev must rape sharks as they try and kill him to calm them down enough to survive. Also he's in international waters and each major country's crime organization show up to film this batshit insane event on underground streaming channels, with donation goals towards things to either help or hinder him. Also, for this sudden display of animal cruelty, PETA hit squads show up to try and kill him.
5 months ago
Anonymous
Holy Kino
5 months ago
Anonymous
made it about halfway through before i was out of breath from laughing. genius work
5 months ago
Anonymous
>Chev Chelios has to <BLANK> in Crank 3 to survive.
Give me your best shots anons.
5 months ago
Anonymous
Be on fire
5 months ago
Anonymous
Get kicked in the balls
5 months ago
Anonymous
Relax
No matter how crazy things around him get, he needs to either sit or walk leisurely, and absolutely no sudden movements.
Months ago we had a meh thread where someone broke down all the books and I really want to see the evangelion sharks attacking the king ghidorah underwater snake
Yooooooooooooo that’s not in the wiki tell me more
5 months ago
Anonymous
it's in the second book the trench
5 months ago
Anonymous
The villain of the 2nd book is some Jeff Bezos type gay that wants trench materials for money. He has an assistant, think Margot robbie in WoWS type shit, that constantly flirts with the main protag to get info for Jeff Megzos. When he dies he reveals to his assistant that she is his daughter and that he had her mom killed without her knowing. Prior to this information, the book made it pretty obvious that he was fricking her to keep her in line. So to sum it up. >Jeff megzos has assistant >book has been pointing out that they frick regularly >last chapters of the book reveal Megzos to be assistants father >assistant kills him >later dies herself for trying to get the protag eaten.
>Moving swiftly through the waters
Cannons blazing as she came
Brought a mighty metal warlord
Crashing down in sheets of flame
Sensing victory was nearing
Thinking fortune must have smiled
People started cheering
"Come on, Thunder Child!"
No, the chinese will be the good guys
Or rather, a diverse team of best foreign friends will win >because that's how the first film was >because china is the biggest market for this film
This is also why, for example, they changed the adaptation of The Martian to insert a random moment where the chinese space agency saves the day
The books are good. Read em as a kid. I like the one where the Dubai sand people build an aquarium for prehistoric monsters from the a hidden prehistoric sea under the ocean floor
>we have to team up with the megs to beat cthullu!
The books are pretty much going that way.
There are Meg-books?
like 9 of them
Tell me more
>chev chelios lowered the dingy into the water
>megs could be here, he thought, I've never been to this ocean before, megs could be anywhere
>the cool wind felt good against his bald head
>the meg & Crank crossover
LETS FRICKING GOOOOO
>tfw no Crank 3 because it could never be made today. In fact it's a miracle every day that ""they"" don't find out about it and cancel everyone involved
After getting his lungs transplanted by the Russian mafia trying to give their Olympic athletes a boost, Chev can only stay alive by staying in water.
way too conservative, they removed his blood and exchanged it for sharkblood and now he has to drink sharkblood to live
>way too conservative
You're right, second try:
Wanting to put the stress of the past behind him, Chev throws his battery heart into the ocean.
A die-hard ocean conservationist, after losing his wife and job on the same day, goes to view his favorite whale to cheer himself up. But the whale seems sick, and eventually beaches itself. An autopsy reveals the battery heart is in the trash that the whale swallowed, contributing to its death.
Enraged, this normally straight-edged man consumes every drug he can find, and over the period of a 72-hour nonstop high researches the heart, finds out about Chev, and kidnaps him. Smuggles him out to the middle of the ocean, injects him with something, then drops him overboard. Chev is just coherent enough to see the name of the chemical. He calls up a friend (thank God for waterproof cases), and the friend says he'll call him back with more info. Shortly after, Chev starts getting attacked by sharks nonstop. He receives a call back ("a little busy here!") and his friend tells him he was injected with a shark aggression pheromone. However, there is one way to counteract it, with an even stronger pheromone: a mating pheromone. Chev must rape sharks as they try and kill him to calm them down enough to survive. Also he's in international waters and each major country's crime organization show up to film this batshit insane event on underground streaming channels, with donation goals towards things to either help or hinder him. Also, for this sudden display of animal cruelty, PETA hit squads show up to try and kill him.
Holy Kino
made it about halfway through before i was out of breath from laughing. genius work
>Chev Chelios has to <BLANK> in Crank 3 to survive.
Give me your best shots anons.
Be on fire
Get kicked in the balls
Relax
No matter how crazy things around him get, he needs to either sit or walk leisurely, and absolutely no sudden movements.
>The Creg
>chev chelios
My sides are in fricking orbit.
best post on Cinemaphile in a looong time
>Meg: Hells Aquarium
>Meg: Nightstalkers
>Meg: Purgatory
>Meg: Generations
what the actual frick
>It is later named Angel: The Angel of Death
lmoa
>the second of which is killed by orcas.
Truly the best fish.
they don't list the loch books that has a crossover in one of the meg books
To be fair if you have one extinct species in it already why not just go full crypto and have the loch ness monster as well.
Months ago we had a meh thread where someone broke down all the books and I really want to see the evangelion sharks attacking the king ghidorah underwater snake
>the king ghidorah underwater snake
That’s what got you, not evangelion sharks?
Yeah.
the series is insane with the father-daughter incest sub plot alone
Yooooooooooooo that’s not in the wiki tell me more
it's in the second book the trench
The villain of the 2nd book is some Jeff Bezos type gay that wants trench materials for money. He has an assistant, think Margot robbie in WoWS type shit, that constantly flirts with the main protag to get info for Jeff Megzos. When he dies he reveals to his assistant that she is his daughter and that he had her mom killed without her knowing. Prior to this information, the book made it pretty obvious that he was fricking her to keep her in line. So to sum it up.
>Jeff megzos has assistant
>book has been pointing out that they frick regularly
>last chapters of the book reveal Megzos to be assistants father
>assistant kills him
>later dies herself for trying to get the protag eaten.
Do the megs get posessed in Meg: Purgatory?
he hasn't started writing it yet
Is Meg: origins a prequel?
yes
Please convince me not to read this shit.
would you really want to read a novel written by a dude who looks like a knock off adam sandler
Kino. They should have had more scenes with the squid in the sequel.
I would take anything Lovecraftian as long as there's no blacks in it tbh
was there a comedy sidekick black guy in meg 2?
legitimately cant remember... i think there was and he was killing those awful new monsters on land
He was in both movies, yes.
Its happening
Shit just got real!
ai generated garbage
Your job is now irrelevant. Enjoy the breadlines, homosexual.
I don't think AI will ever replace gardeners anon
I probably would watch the Pope's Mesgorcist. I am not proud of that.
I approve. The first half of Meg 2 was already just copypasted Underwater, but with prehistoric monsters instead of lovecraftian ones
didnt see that coming
Shut up meg
>not M3g v. M3GAN
Lame
Kino
wtf is this real?
I hope so.
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn
awww he smolthulu
Look out Cthulhu, It's coming straight for you!
Nobody can beat the boat.
Not the boat.
THERE WERE SHIPS OF SHAPES AND SIZES
I would shit my pants.
Maybe when the world starts really going to shit cthulu will appear eat all the sharks octopuses and even the poor whales
the meg should swerve over the middle east and america
GET
FRICKED
>Moving swiftly through the waters
Cannons blazing as she came
Brought a mighty metal warlord
Crashing down in sheets of flame
Sensing victory was nearing
Thinking fortune must have smiled
People started cheering
"Come on, Thunder Child!"
It's orge, they don't stand a chance
Meg
Megs
Meg 3
Meg: Resurrection
M3g
Poseidon
Meg: Covenant
Meg: Ryan
max heh
Had no idea there was Meg 2
2 was kino
2 was chink trash. Half the movie is in Chinese with terrible cgi.
>muh photorealism
You wouldn't get it.
frick off mutt
you're lying so low in the weeds
I bet you're gonna ambush me
you'd have me down down down on my knees
now wouldnt you?
i call my penis mega-la-dong.
>oh no americans polluting the ocean has woken up cthullu
>I guess my band of chinese eco warriors will have to clean up this mess once again
the chinese hate eco warriors, they will be the main antagonists who awakens cthulhu to wipe out humanity because polution
No, the chinese will be the good guys
Or rather, a diverse team of best foreign friends will win
>because that's how the first film was
>because china is the biggest market for this film
This is also why, for example, they changed the adaptation of The Martian to insert a random moment where the chinese space agency saves the day
what the frick are you talking about
The Meg movies are huge in China and have the Chinese aligned group fighting evil western polluters. If you watch the Meg 2 it's just a CCP movie.
what does that have to do with anything the previous posters said
Meg 4 will be based in Medieaval times.
Meg 4: Meg4n
The sharks brain is transplanted into megan fox
So the evil king can use her to beseige Jason Statham's castle.
shut up, meg
Holy crap Lois is cthullu
Big shark movie..?
For you
shut up meg
The books are unironically much better.
Are the movies accurate to the books so far?
other than osama bin laden and corrupt russians there's very little political stuff or chinese pandering in them
Frick no. The first movie has the skeleton of the first book and that's where it ends. Characters, deaths, the meg itself. All different in the book.
hows this even remotely related to Megan, i swear to god these producers just do frick all these days
>EL TELEFONO Black
The danger isn't palbibal enough, how can we get the meg on land?
The books are good. Read em as a kid. I like the one where the Dubai sand people build an aquarium for prehistoric monsters from the a hidden prehistoric sea under the ocean floor
That one fricking sucks. I'm reading it now. The back and forth between the son's shit and then the parents is getting exhausting.
>New trailer
>doesn't post trailer
Watched trailer
Greeted with shitty AI voice
Stopped watching trailer
>earth shattering fart noise
It's very frustrating that no bookgay has come forward to give a tl;dr version of the books.
Meg
Megs
M3gs
Meg4s
Meg5
Meg: un6ound
Meg: 7_ombie sharks
Meg: 8ottomless seafood (tagline: this time we're the sea's food!)
These two were the only good thing about Meg 2
Reminder that Cthulu was knocked over by a wooden sailing ship.
Pretty sure a single United States Navy Arleigh Burke destroyer sending a volley of tomahawk missiles in anger at that loser would frick him up.
>Jason Statham handily beats Cthulhu with his bare hands
Sounds about right for the one and only "character" that he plays.