>Times you acted like George Costanza
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>Times you acted like George Costanza
>Times you acted like George Costanza
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I killed my fiancé
Excellent, eeexcellent
nice
are you me
that do be a Costanza vibe doe.
He's my role model
The real secret to life is knowing you're a failure and being comfortable with it and then mastering it
I've always been a stall man
>and being comfortable with it
George was never comfortable with it, the entire comedy of his character came form his conflict with it
You're clearly Penske material
Encouraging a friend to break up with a girl or confront someone over a minor disagreement only for the enjoyment of the fall-out would be Jerry.
Or breaking up with a girl because she shook your hand after picking up dog poop (not actually touching it) or something
Thats like the opposite of George's character. His neurotic, insecure, and loathes feeling like a failure
In the later seasons openly admits to being a failure and even uses it to his advantage by doing the most petty bullshit like not quitting his job after they found out he was lying about being handicapt
>The real secret to life is knowing you're a failure and being comfortable with it
george was getting laid in like every episode
I DOUBLE DIP AND YOU CANT STOP ME
Unironically nothing wrong with double dipping. The amount of bacteria is miniscule. The guy who dips a tiny-ass chip and accidentally touches the dip with his finger probably spreads more bacteria. I don't personally double dip since it makes people feel at unease.
Keep your fricking monkeypox in your own body bro, stop double dipping
>monkeypox
Perpetuating this shit is just as bad as being a covid fanatic. You cant fight one fake disease regime with an even faker one. Get a personality dude.
I literally said I don't double dip. Also Monkeypox is a nothingburger, the lethality is around the same as covid, i.e. miniscule.
They did this on Mythbusters and indeed there was no real difference in the double dip
Except viral transmission
> I don't personally double dip since it makes people feel at unease.
This is the point and it's all that matters. It's ritual. It's social coherence. You look like a dumb, inconsiderate, slob if you double dip at a public place, especially if it's some nice restaurant. Stand up straight, speak clearly, look people in the eyes, don't slurp your drink and don't double dip.
have a nice day
Cope and seethe
The correct approach is to "overdip." the idea being that when you bring the chip up to your mouth it crumbles and you have the proper ratio of chip to dip. This has the bonus of making every bite unique, as no 2 chips will crumble alike.
and i defend overdipping. Corn chips are cheap. You want use all your dip before all your chips
I just shove a fistful of chips into my mouth and drink the dip. Get on my level
This sounds like an American thing
Quick QRD for a stinky euro?
Is it you dip your chips after you have already taken a bite of it exposing your bitten chip to the sauce ?
im assuming it's to do with the chip probably breaking on the second dip in and you having to use your fingers to fish it out but i don't pay attention to the customs of americans when it comes to eating crisps, crisps were invented in england btw Victorian cooking book recipe
Didn't really watch Seinfeld. But I DID catch the shrinkage episode
IT WAS COLD!!!!!
I used to tell my boss that I needed to meet some clients across town, then just go home and watch tv.
haha me too, but I went home and jerk offd.
Not a George moment unless you take it up a notch and give the clients fake names and businesses
More of a Kramer moment
This is a George moment
>I've told them so many Rajesh Singh stories that now Steinbrenner's asking to go golfing with the guy! I'm in too deep!
>That's why I've disconnected.
>Disconnected?
>Airplane mode, Jerry. I'm off the grid. Gone. *Psshhh* Outta there!
>But now your phone's just a glorified watch!
>I'm wearing one of those too.
I called the israelites out on their AstroTurf shenanigans
Browsing Cinemaphile instead of doing anything productive. It’s akin to watching tv and eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery.
I recently decided to have my phone permanently on airplane mode so no one can call me and bother me
I don't because no one ever calls me anyway.
I live in a society
I let my parents buy my clothes because i'm lazy and broke, and they all look awful
I'm unemployed and live with my parents
SUMMER OF GEORGE!
I piss in shower every day
I eat out of the trash fight me
I ate out of a garbage can.
Virtual Boy
I often drink beer shirtless at home.
I'm more confused about the hamster tube habitat. They were never brought up.
>I often drink beer shirtless at home.
I'm literally doing that now since its like 1000000000000000000 degrees in Bongland
I'll take a shit shirtless, so I feel unencumbered.
>I often drink beer shirtless at home.
This but change often to every day.
I'm also an incredible bullshitter when it comes to job interviews and talking to recruiters.
At work I give the impression that I'm hot shit and always busy but I slack off as much as I can.
Last week I was taking care of my niece and I gave here 5 bucks to spend pretty much the whole day moving my mouse and typing bullshit so it looked like I was working while I was watching Columbo.
Same. I literally stopped caring about 90% of things but I still enjoy the little things.
>Last week I was taking care of my niece and I gave here 5 bucks to spend pretty much the whole day moving my mouse and typing bullshit so it looked like I was working while I was watching Columbo
Based
>Last week I was taking care of my niece and I gave here 5 bucks to spend pretty much the whole day moving my mouse and typing bullshit so it looked like I was working while I was watching Columbo.
>watching Columbo.
My wife tells me that's what the kids call "based"
I literally would spam my keyboard for 5 minutes to get my apm daily average up to what it should be then go back to sleep for the whole day. I got caught once and my manager knew I'd been doing it for weeks but didn't push it because its a shitty government job. Eventually got fired for no vax and got a reasonable 5 figure settlement. Now they're not only paying me to not work but not even pretend to work.
>Eventually got fired for no vax and got a reasonable 5 figure settlement.
larp
Well its not. Feels good. I could've got nearly twice as much but we'd have to go to court and that would take at least a year with the way the courts are. But youre fine to cope while I neet it up.
I think I might be more based - I often drink booze botomless with only shirt on
I used to but it got shit smeared on my pc chair.
It's funny how nonfat he looks compared to today's standards. He actually has some muscle mass under all that fat.
was he ever supposed to be fat? I thought he was just supposed to emulate not really trying. And that physique can easily be attained just half assing the gym every once in a while
He goes to the gym(and pees in the shower).
very subtle with the screen
I once ate a bagel of the ground. It was untouched. It was sitting on a piece of paper tho. Nothing bad ever happened
JERRY JERRY
Basically this exact scene happened between me and a friend
this isn't vaporwave
What is vaporwave?
UNEMPLOYED
live with parents
have had sex before
>see hot girl one day
>manage to have sex with her even though she is out of my league
i guess more than once, he seems to have an active friend group though which i'm mainly alone all the time
>UNEMPLOYED
Get a job
>Get a job
hire me
You're hired. I expect you in my office by 9
Thank you sir, won't let you down
I lied my way into a cybersecurity job on an army base and have been writing what I presume will prove to be wildly inaccurate documentation on their current security posture in advance of a network accreditation
I lied my way in to an apartment maintenance supervisor job. Made 22 an hour. All I did for 3 straight months was vape weed, buy snacks at the gas station next door, and watch One Piece. 800 episodes in a row was CRAZY.
I wasn’t doing my walkthroughs and paint was cracking in the corners of 100 empty apartments so I just quit lol. Frick em
I had a dream that I was at the arcade and they had a Seinfeld Beat ‘em up . It was basically the Simpsons game but Elaine, Jerry, Kramer and George were the 4 playable characters
What are some Jerry things?
Dating underage girls.
having a career in standup and knowing a george costanza figure
get ipad
act as filler between george and kramer moments
Drugging his date so he can play with her toys
being a homosexual piece of shit.
I respect George. He's what modern society has created men to be. I fricking hate Jerry. That being said, double dipping is gross.
>I fricking hate Jerry.
filtered iges
Eating cereal.
Stealing bread
>lets Kramer eat for free
Honestly only good guy on the show
Being a smug self obssessed homosexual
Get ipad.
Low disgust tolerance is the main thing I remember about Jerry. Just like my main man Hitler
>there was an intact piece of cake on a paper plate at the very top of the garbage, literally placed there by someone who didn't want it only 15 minutes prior
>grab the cake and eat it
>get accused on eating garbage
You ate garbage
if it was in the trash yes it was atop the trash, not touching trash it had a plate!
The attosecond that can closes, it becomes trash.
adjacent to trash IS TRASH
I put a pizza box containing a slice in the bin, then decided I wanted to eat it the next morning. Apparently that was eating trash, but I say it was in the box so its fine. That was 15 years ago now and I've eaten out of the bin many times since then.
I used to sleep at work all the time.
I still live with my parents
>on a college charity trip
>hitting it off with a girl I met there
>we’re all sleeping in the same small house and she invites me at the end of the night to sleep with her on the tiny couch
>frick it, beats the floor
>I snuggle up with her and fall asleep
>next day she won’t look at me
Later on I found out she was quite promiscuous with guys on campus. Pretty sure I was supposed to have sex with her
haha similar story of complete and utter autism
>be 20
>get invited to the dorm of a qt I only knew from an online forum
>her roommates are not there
>we'll watch a movie on her bed
>we watched the movie
>now we're going to go to sleep, anon
>she goes to the bathroom and puts on her pajamas and now we're again in the bed, but this time under the sheets
>we sleep
>I wake up in the morning and go home
>we really didn't talk after that
Why are guys cursed with autism?
Can someone explain to me what the acceptable move is to make here? Do I go in for a kiss or do I say something like “hey, want to get naked?”? Frick.
I guess you have to escalate and go for a physical touch and then a kiss and go from there. I guess, all my successful sex-haves happened somehow.
Idk, I've never had a situation like that. Any time I've been in bed with a girl the prospect of fricking has already been discussed in some way.
Questions are the beta move. Do not ask "Can we do this?" or "Is this okay with you?"
Statements are the alpha move. Compliment+intention:
>"Talking to you has been really fun. I'd like to take out for coffee."
>"Your eyes are so beautiful. We should go back to my place."
>"God, you are incredibly sexy. I want you so bad right now. Let's go for it."
If she's not interested, she can refuse. But never beg for her favor, just say what you want to have happen. And, seriously, the compliment is key to the formula. Do not underestimate how insecure even the most stunningly beautiful women can be.
women were approaching you guys?
did you realise this now or were you aware at the time and just too nervous/anxious to perform at full capacity?
i must know more, i do not get approached by women to the best of my knowledge
if i was in one of those situations though i know i'd atleast want to do something sexual
I was personally always to autistic to take the next step
what does that mean
>to autistic to
I thought they wanted more *they did* but i would always convince myself of course they didnt because why would anyone want to sleep with me? You get the idea its basically talking yourself out of it
>I thought they wanted more *they did* but i would always convince myself
so you didn't want?
I did but i was autistic
Reading this shit I want to kill msyelf because nothing like this ever happened to me.
I literally should not exist.
We're meant for greater things, Anon.
Pick up a creative hobby and spend your days perfecting your craft
I did and it doesn't matter because no woman has ever wanted to touch me.
Producing shitty music isn't enough anymore.
I just jack off whenever I feel lonely and it gets me back on track. Take the monk pill with me.
I've been trying. I didn't care for so long and now i do again. I missed out on such a major part of life. I'll never hear a girl desire me.
Why settle for a girl desiring you when you could have thousands of people admiring you and looking upon you as a genius of legendary proportions? You aren't considering the big picture, here.
When you blow up pussy falls in your lap
I have been approached and even sometimes asked out or for sex by numerous women. Sounds unbelievable to some, but its true. Never had sex yet at 29. Probably will be a wizard. Anyway, if you are cute or look good women will approach you.
Also I'll add that it feels great to reject or not pay much attention to women when they show interest. It's a certain kind of amazing satisfaction. Probably better overall than actually going out with some of those girls.
You're an incel moron and all those situations were dares or trolling.
Wrong. A lot of times there were no other people around. But go ahead and be mad for no reason, I don't care. lmao.
I only realized woman were hitting on me years later and now I'm an old fat depressed loser so it will never happen again
Almost the same thing happened to me but once we were laying in bed idk the monke brain took over and I just started sliding my hand up her shirt. I'm pretty autistic but once it reaches such an obvious threshold it's like "ok, we're going to frick now"
With my ex we were watching a movie in bed and I turned to look at her and she just pulled her shirt of and had her breasts out. Seemed pretty obvious at the time.
Being drunk also helped.
>Be at party
>Watching tv
>Random girl comes over and sits on my lap
>Literally grinding on me while the film plays
>Too autistic to understand she clearly wants it
>Few hours pass
>Decide its time to sleep
>Lay down on a couch in the front room
>She gets on the same couch infront of me
>Ass pressed up against my dick
>Grabs my hands and puts them on her breasts
>Give them a couple squeezes and then fall asleep
I dont know what was wrong with me, she couldnt have made it more obvious
Women play coy but give signs without ever explicitly saying they want sex (pretty sure it's female logic to rationalize they aren't a bawd, despite acting like a literal b***h in heat). If they really like you, they will do what she did and literally physically indicate they want to frick through blatant physical contact. There's absolutely no way she could've made it more clear that she wanted you to dick her, when she allows boob groping and can obviously feel your wiener getting erect as she grinds her soft ass into it. Clothing doesn't do shit at that point. You fricked up, anon. She probably didn't sleep that night she was so disappointed that she didn't get to frick you, while you slept like a baby after honking her breasts. Chad move, to be honest.
Me
>go to a concert with some friends and someone bought this qt tomboy lesbian girl
>we become friends, I start developing a crush
>3 months later she's over watching a movie & we end up spooning on the couch
>She stays over in my bed, we kiss but I don't try anything bc I don't want to freak her out
>in the morning we have coffee and she kisses me goodbye
>never saw her again
Bro why did you never see her again........
Idk man she started avoiding me, I saw her a couple times in group settings but we never hung out one on one again. She started dating a girl not too long after that.
She 100% thought you wern;t interested in her so she stopped trying
Yeah I definitely should have been more direct. I am moronic.
Peak Sigma Chad move there, anon. Nothing will frick up a woman's self-esteem more than when she offers sex with a man and the man casually refuses, intentionally or unintentionally.
wanna hear mine?
>roommate invites me to frat party
>hammered
>friend breaks off
>know I'm supposed to hook up with girls at parties
>No fricking clue how to do that
>just start asking random women if they want to make out
>like six say no and I physically put my hands up in the air and back off
>one says yes
>make out
>she keeps grabbing my hat and taking it off
>won't give me back my hat
>tell her I really need my fricking hat back as it was a gift from someone important (my ex)
>she gives me the hat back
>I leave
Friends all say that I was a fricking moron and she was flirting. Is stealing my hat flirting?
Yes
uh, yeah. you seriously think she was going to keep it? she was giving you a reason to follow her. holy shit.
To be fair I wasn't really over my ex at the time and her grabbing the hat kept reminding me of bad shit. Wasn't really planning on getting laid that night.
>it was all an elaborate ruse to make out with me in order to steal some shitty old hat
>we’re all sleeping in the same small house and she invites me at the end of the night to sleep with her on the tiny couch
Honestly, I don't really think you blew it, not exactly great etiquette to frick on the couch while there's other people staying in the house, not everyone's a frick machine who just has loose sex everywhere.
I know this feel. Nothing pisses off a woman more than just going to sleep but b***hes need to frick off with their advances when I'm tired.
>girl invites me to her place to hang out
>we eat pizza and drink wine and watch tv
>it’s getting late
>she says I can stay over
>we go to bed
>she takes off her clothes and is wearing just a bra and panties
>I take off my clothes
>I go to sleep
Just thinking about that time makes me wanna kms
>Acted
I am George
How so
You know how George sleeps with a lot a women in the show? Well, I'm exactly like George except for that part
Contributed near nothing at work for 2 years while claiming a paycheck
master level shit
even if it happened during covid it's still impressive
Did that for 6 months on a work assignment in Saudi Arabia. Making 145% base salary + OT + $60 per diem to sit in my office playing vita rpgs. Sometimes I would get bored and just walk around the place, I wasn't exactly sure what I was even supposed to be doing there
Same except I even got praise by my superiors
In a store today, saw an aisle of dr pepper and another aisle of dr pepper zero, I picked the full sugar option
I once keyed my bosses car the morning before he promoted me after accidently overhearing we were all being fired. Thought I was off but turns out a security camera from a business across the street caught the whole thing. It wasnt like a Seinfeld ep though, I not only lost my job but did 6 months awaiting trial and got time served.
Damn bro what happened after all that?
>keyed
What does that even mean?
his job wasn't locked
just a forced meme
means it wasn't locked
Took his car key and scratched up the car
He scratched his boss's car with a key
That sounds more like an Office episode
wtf, how much is bail for minor vandalism? 40 bucks?
Kek I was thinking the same thing. People with jobs don’t sit in jail on misdimeanor charges, very odd
Criminal trial for scratching a car? Frick off. 500 to fix. 1500 if you lied about it and it went to small claims court plus his lawyer.
you guys do realize that george has sex with attractive wome on a regular basis, right?
I spoke with my friend about that, that's really the most George characteristic. Affable fricking loser that keeps nabbing one hottie after another and then fricking it all up and losing it due to his incompetence or lack of foresight. It's less pronounced later on but earlier George seasons were literally my life in my 20's. Living like a slob at home, having bizarre relationships with women way out of my league, all the while complaining about where it's at with my friends and trying to find ways to get away from them before everything blows up in my face.
Every day of my life. I'm like a solid 8/10 appearance-wise but I'm also a mix between Costanza and Woody Allen in Annie Hall.
>I'm like a solid 8/10 appearance-wis
lmao no you arn't
I sure am.
at college I would look to find unused bathrooms in empty places and would use them instead of the main ones
I think it’s wierd people don’t do this more. Busy public bathrooms are so nasty. I found this one at my uni that literally only I ever used. Like it would be either in the exact state I left it, or freshly cleaned. and it was a locking one too, it was paradise. Also it was big, and fairly nice. Frick I miss that bathroom.
I did that and beat off in one once
That was definitely a low point
Literally me
>at college I would look to find unused bathrooms in empty places and would use them instead of the main ones
I am the reason that Dean Crow at Arizona State University had a key pad installed to the lobby bathroom of his office floor. I shit there for 2 straight semesters and really pushed it by grabbing the nice new magazines in the lobby and taking them with me to the shitter. I had the secretary ask me about 20 times if I had an appointment and I always replied, "A private personal one" and went to the shitter.
ASU had like 25K students at the main campus in 2005 and the worst bathrooms at any college I've ever visited in the United States outside of Nebraska. Half of them were always being cleaned and were closed half the time too. Just a disgusting disaster. I also didn't care because I had just exited the military after 12 years and didn't care and just wanted a nice place to shit every day.
>"A private personal one"
based
can't be doing with shit toilets at a public place of learning
Some deep Lindy stuff right here. but also very George
My university was on a very steep hill, so there were fewer buildings but they were very tall. I literally traversed for hours to find hidden toilets that were amazing. They were basically like disabled toilets that are a room with one toilet, but nkt for disabled. I would sit in there for up to 6 hours and just play on my phone.
>being able to shit in peace
Sounds reasonable
i did this too, there was this big building with no classes on the upper floors, just a few peoples offices, id always go up there to take a shit
so peaceful and quiet, it had frosted windows the sun came through and warmed you up in the mornings
Top floor of our library had an entire av floor where you could rent dvd boxsets and movies. I literally would rent out Seinfeld and watch it all day and sat snacks. I went to maybe 5 classes in 4 years and graduated and got a graduate role.
What was your major? I’m a math major and can’t even imagine missing a class.
Management. No elaboration required. I was a top student in most of my classes because all internals were essays I could do a night before. I really wish I had done math though, trying to learn some now.. Way cooler.
Math sucks ass. Don’t ever major in it, if anyones reading this don’t major in it. The guys I know who graduated are working either as tutors/HS teachers or doing some random shit (one’s at a bakery and the other does home inspections).
Math is gay, my college experience has been fricking miserable and I’m probably going to be a waiter if I don’t end up killing myself.
This anon knows. It's smarter to study CS or engineering, you get to study a ton of weird math, and applied math, as well as getting better job opportunities afterwards.
Yep, restrooms on the top floor of the library, plus walking up all those stairs always made it so easier to poop for some reason
>get home
>grab block of cheese
>start eating it while I watch tv
>don't stop
>my summer had just begun
I get really painful cramps when I shit and will often take my shirt off for a sense of relief
i do this too minus the cramps
it allows me to summon my primal strength for more push
Never seen Seinfeld b4
Anyone else feel like this site is mostely bots now? Threads just seem to get unaturally bumped and half the replies just seem like bot posts
How do we know YOU aren't a bot?
Thats a very bottish reply anon
Here's a bot reply for you bub
Oh lord I miss him
maybe a board full of losers relates to the biggest loser on one of the best sitcoms of all time, you fricking ESL homosexual
Yeah ok you ESL frick
Maybe a bot, maybe a mod who is here all the time. Let’s see which it is by the reaction to this post.
Let’s see, is this post deleted? Then it was a mod who is spamming these posts.
i mean, technically its the news, so
Take your meds
Lmao, if OP isn’t a bot imagine the loser who spams Seinfeld threads. A bot would fine, a person though? Now THEY need meds lmao.
Who would want to promote Seinfeld in 2022 you dumbass?
Ask OP. Honestly probably some israelite lol.
Go be a zoomer somewhere else
no one here has any originality
they basically are bota
I'd rather be talking to chatbot than seeing the millionth racebait or twitter screencap thread in the catalog
Thats my point though all those racebait or twitter screencap threads are clearly bot threads, the exact same topic and the exact same replies and just spammed on repeat
Seinfeld is more formulaic than any post on Cinemaphile. Larry David is a hack and you have no life.
Cope bot
What's your feeling on the matter beyond reasonable annoyance? I assume the bot posting is designed to generate traffic with real people through relentless arguing.
It works 100% on zoomers becuase all zoomers know is racebaiting and politics on social media and screeching at each other constantly. You make a thread thats about race, politics, trans stuff or whatever and its 100% going to get hundreds of replies, Personally i;m sick of it and near stepping away from the internet for good because its become so cancer, like its even gotten to channels like RLM now who cant review a film without having some mention of current year politics and muh right and left at some point. Its like cant we just fricking talk about TV show and Films without needing to bring in other shit
Cinemaphile unfortunately is overrun with this stuff when it should be contained to /misc/ but I also don't dismiss the fact that modern media is awful in these aspects. I'm really happy 4k media is a thing since it at least allows me to enjoy older content in a newly restored light.
>modern media is awful in these aspects
It is and i get why people talk about this stuff but i'm also fricking sick of hearing about it. I just want people to review stuff and talk about the content and not politics or current year thinking. Im so burnt out
I have to wait till I get one of those verification not needed captchas before I can post
The sad reality is you’re a jaded miser. Cinemaphile has always been a shithole full of low quality garbage and it’s tough to acknowledge that it really wasn’t better ten years ago.
I think you're a gay, that's what I think.
ok bot
>they programmed the bot to accuse other people of being bots to deflect attention
Yeah. also your bot reply
Depends on the board. Cinemaphile, /misc/, /k/ and Cinemaphile ABSOLUTELY have bots. Dead Internet theory is true.
Most threads are created by bots nobody is dedicating their lives to making the same threads every day for years
if a post doesn't have an image, it's either a pajeet, phonepoaster or bot.
If George was anyone in reality he would be a janitor on Cinemaphile- fat, israeli, neurotic, and always kvetching.
Newman seems like he’d be a janny
>be me
>girl invites me over for dinner
>she cooks and we talk
>she says she has to work early next day
>I thank her for dinner, about to leave
>she grabs a towel “anon wait, I’m only gonna take a quick shower, we should watch a movie. Or get drunk or something hahaha”
>see it as a sign so I say ok
>she goes to take a shower and leaves the door slightly open
>I go in, because she clearly is giving signs
>”anon what are you doing, ah my gawd!! Why, get out!”
>I get out and go home
That's brutal, anon.
Some women really are oblivious.
She was douching and got embarrassed
Anyone else feel like this site is mostely bots now? Threads just seem to get unaturally bumped and half the replies just seem like bot posts
I'm not a pleb
I LOVE GEORGE
Amerimutts worship israelites
bump
Bot post
i jacked off on my chest and rubbed it in
One time a family member pissed me off so bad, I snuck into their room during the day when they were out and I peed and took a shit on their bed then blamed it on the dog. I regret absolutely nothing.
amber heard
I once fugged my cousin
>wake up at 3 AM
>jerk off
>roll back over and go to sleep
>wake up 6 hours later
>dried jizz on my arm
I worked for Sony at a best buy in the theater department selling TV's n shit. I clocked in using GPS on my phone and would go watch movies while on the clock. I never got caught because best buy didn't know when I was supposed to be in store
isn't that a commission job?
As long as my numbers were up I never got scolded and when I was actually there I actually sold a lot of TV's. I got credit for the days I was off work too. No commission though just quarterly bonuses
>stay for several days in an empty school building with a tourist group of ~15 people
>take a shit, miss the toilet and leave a large log on the floor
>panic, put a toilet brush on a shit to cover it and leave
>next time I use a toilet it's already gone
>there's no janitors, so someone from the group cleaned it up and didn't confront anyone
>>take a shit, miss the toilet
was kind of squating to avoid touching a seat.
Still, how do you miss
¯_(ツ)_/¯
how do you miss the toilet?
If I had just a little bit more confidence and a bit more money in savings I'd be Kramer.
>Jerry I think they’re going to gas us
>Wait, WHY would they gas us? It is literally called a work camp, we’re here to work. Not like you remember what that is.
*canned laughter from the audience*
>JERRY. I SAW A SKULL AND CROSSBONES ON A CANISTER JERRY. SKULL AND CROSSBONES ON A CANISTER MEANS TWO THINGS, AND I CAN TELL YOU THEY ARE NOT PIRATES
>George, look at their uniforms. Germans love the whole skull thing. It’s very German.
>Jerry THEY ARE HERDING US INTO A CHAMBER TO BE GASSED
>through that door? That small, wooden door?
>YES
>George that door leaks worse than my yenta’s depends, these are Germans. They wouldn’t design a high tech death machine and install wooden doors
>JERRY. OH MY GAWD JERRY HOLD YOUR BREATH.
*Jerry roll his eyes*
*everyone begins coughing, then stops after
>See? I heard this guy saying they had to deliver us first
>AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME?!
>Well, I didn’t want to overexcite you
>Well THANKS
>You’re welcome, now let’s go check out the pool
*cue bass line*
>Kramer: Genocide us, what are you kidding? This place is a schvitz, George. We're getting a first-class spa retreat for free! You know what you need to do? You need to go down to the showers they got down there, have a nice bathe and sauna, and take a load off. You know my friend Bob Sacamanostein? He's been down there for three days. It's so good he went and hasn't come back! Newman keeps telling me to go, says I should give him my gold rings and nacklaces so I don't lose them.
>Kramer goes to Auschwitz
>disappears for 3 days
>comes back is made an honorary member of the SS for some reason
>George despite being in mortal danger still manages to seethe over it
>"There' gonna kill us George, who cares about Kramer!?" "But he got the uniform Jerry, the cool black uniform, he looks like Zoro." "There about to fill our lungs with Zyklon B, now's not the time" "What ever happened to Zyklon A? Do they save that for only the good prisoners? Like if you're Aryan and they put you to death, do you get the Zyklon A?" "George!" "What!? It's a valid question!"
>Zyklon A
JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA
I'm more like Jerry with the semi germophobia, though his inconsistent as frick. I've made people extremely angry by refusing food offered because their mouth was on the fork or being unwilling to share drinks.
Yeah but Elaine Booba
This, but minus the pool
Shrinkage is a real problem. I too have a small package when flaccid. Which is funny since I've had women commend my erect size before (mostly girth), some to the point of complaint. The BathMate and Phallosan Forte both helped with my flaccid length and girth though.
What is this, a shameless plug?
I don't normally shill products, but the BathMate, Phallosan Forte and Phoenix have all improved penile health and size for me. If you're cheap but patient, look at Janus Bifronz on YouTube and his Angion Method/SABRE Technique. Keep your dick strong, bros.
when i worked from home during covid i slept like 3 hours during the day, every day
Kino or bino?
in college I used to wave to guys who I thought I knew and on campus be like "Hey!" or "Hows it going?" but upon getting closer I realized I didn't recognize them because I wasn't wearing my glasses so I would just play it off like I knew who they were or was just being friendly and walk right past them
this happened more times than I'd like to admit
What i would give to been in highschool again
George would never admit this explicitly, but deep down he would acknowledge it and that is taking a post on here seriously. I have done it before, glad to be past that stage of posting on this website.
God i love George
I know how this feels. It's all fun and games until it's your opinion being mocked by the basedjack. Then it suddenly gets personal.
I don't act that much like him but when it comes to women I got to have the pinkish hue
>Anon’s stories are funnier than than any of Seinfeld’s plots
Many such cases
I once got really upset
one time, i was so mad, i angrily swung my controller and then lightly tossed it into a very large soft bean bag
But Kramer has no ambitions. He doesn't hold a job. He has no money. How can he say anything about George when Kramer also fits the quota?
>But Kramer has no ambitions.
Except for hosting his own talk show set, Kramerica Industries, his Coffee Table book, his aborted ambition of turning his entire apartment into carpeted levels with steps, going to Hollywood pursuing an acting career and even writing a treatment. And when he was a pre-teen boy he hopped on a steam boat to Sweden, probably to get away from his drug addicted mother.
Kramer is probably the most ambitious of the 4. Elaine comes close, she's dabbled in writing.
Every day of my life
I ate a slice of lukewarm pizza from a pizza box sitting on top of an overflowing garbage can.
>all these anons talking about their missed chance with a girl
>ive never even been to a party or on a date
All of you are normalgays and should not be using this website.
>get ipad
>download app
>go on date
That simple. Stop acting like your stupidity is an achievement
When I moved into my apartment it was about midnight when I finally got there, alone. I tried paying the hookers across the street their hourly rate to help me move in or at least watch the truck to make sure no one stole anything between trips. They said no. It still blows my mind.
Kek
That one curb episode where he hires a hooker so he can carpool
George Constanta was a successful corporate executive who fricked dozens of beautiful women. Nobody on here acts like him
Who lived with his parents?
He was a very low level real estate agent and subsequently corporate salesman. He had a relatively entry-level career for someone with a business degree living in New York in the 90s. He wasn't as bad as people here now, but I can assure you if his character existed now he would be an abject failure
The parts where doesn't have sex but not for a lack of trying
>working on farm putting birds in cage
>climbing up feeders really high up
>farmer yells at me not to climb feeders
>say its impossible to reach top without doing it
>he says not my problem
>fall and hurt myself trying another way
>spend the rest of the day bending back and breaking all the feeders in his shed
>boss finds out asks who was in X row that looked like a hurricane went down it
>me
>says farmer is mad as frick and had to work all week to fix it
>"not my problem"
>boss laughs his arse off and promotes me sooon after
>confused this response worked
They made George look somewhat competent in the first season. He also didn't look as much as a dweeb. He ends the season actually winning.
>I know how this feels. It's all fun and games until it's your opinion being mocked by the basedjack. Then it suddenly gets personal.
I'm getting real tired of you people mocking me
>at a religious youth retreat in the mountains
>sneak into the girls dorm at two a.m. since some of the other guys were there
>pretty boring but comfy talking to them and sharing chocolates
>"Anon are you interested in any girls?"
>"Yeah I really like K**, but I don't think she'll go out with me."
>random dude there suggests I go wake her up and ask her to hook up
>literal nega brain me thinks it's a good idea
>wake her up with this huge confident grin
>she gets super mad and tells me and the rest of the guys to frick off and let her sleep
>thought I lost my only chance at talking to her again
>two days later she tells me one of the girls told her the whole story and that she felt bad for me
>ends up giving me one of her old youth group shirts she used to sleep in
Thanks for having faith in my autistic 14 year old self, it really helped me when I was such loner
>religious youth group
Are these fun or cringe? I was raised in a cult and never did anything fun like this, mostly just studied scripture.
>K**
There's your mistake. You NEVER, EVER, go for women whose name starts with a K. They are all insane (even at women standards). This also applies to women named Maria or Jessica. I have yet to find one that wasn't a complete shitshow.
I was at a super bowl party with some friends and we had a competitive tag hide and seek game. I was the last one to not get caught and people were texting me where I was hiding and congratulating me for winning. I still thought we were playing and it was a trick to reveal my location. Proceed to continue hiding for the next 45 minutes eavesdropping on conversations and sending them cryptic messages. Eventually got bored and rejoined everyone in the TV room to complain about how everyone gave up looking for me.
Where the frick were you hiding?
Why is the bot keeping this thread alive?
>That's the last tech job I work Jerry! The bot ended up programming me!
If you’re a real person babysitting this thread then that is even more pathetic.
Is it more pathetic to post in a thread that brings you joy, or babysit a thread you don't enjoy which causes you to sperg out and call everyone bots?
Black person I haven’t babysat anything, I saw the original post time and date and poster count.
Get a fricking life lmao.
Seethe
>he doesn't babysit his threads to ensure that they're successful
This has been a 9/10 thread, laughed hard at some of the stories
Back when I had to work in an office I would book meeting rooms for an hour at a time for "training" and take naps in them
I got fired from my job recently for showing one of the female workers the Loona cum jar from Cinemaphile
It took them two months to fire me.
> Trip with friends
> Detect a qt
> Strike up a conversation and decide to lie that it's my birthday for some reason
> Think she'll be impressed or something
> She tells others
> "OMG anon, why didn't you tell us, let's celebrate"
> They buy a cake and go through the whole birthday thing
> It's getting pretty uncomfortable keeping the charade, but I was in too deep
> Another friend arrives later and tells them it's not actually my birthday
> "Wtf is your problem anon"
Never talked to most of them again. The qt thought I was a psychopath or something. Truth is, I was just a sperg.
fair enough
faking a birthday usually works to lift peoples spirits, don't know why the other friend didn't have your back on this
absolute judas behaviour, he could have scored too
Every fricking day i need to kill myself