I've recently started cooking a lot. I probably do more cooking in the house than my mom does now. And sometimes my novice family will question some of my cooking, giving their amateur advice on how to improve something (really they just have a shitty palate) and then I'll hit them with the Ralph Fiennes stare.
My mother is a fucking awful cook. Looking back I honestly don't know how and why she was so shit. She was a stay at home mom for most of my life. She's not an alcoholic and doesn't have any hobbies beyond reading. What was she doing all day while we were at school? Why the hell didn't she learn and practice to become a better cook? I feel bad for her that my father divorced her but looking at it objectively she wasn't doing anything to maintain the marriage on her part. I doubt they had much of a sex life and even if they did she's not a great beauty and was overweight, you need bring something to the table and if you expect to be a full-time homemaker while your husband is the sole provider you should at least be good at it.
I love you mom but what the hell were you doing all those years?
i've tried to teach my wife how to cook for years and years. i gave up a while back when she was REAL upset over some store-bought perogies tasting like shit. one nibble and i said "it has no salt", dashed some on, completely fixed.
she can usually follow a recipe, at least. some can't even manage that
>i gave up a while back when she was REAL upset over some store-bought perogies tasting like shit.
I don't get it. If they were store bought why was she so upset? That she couldn't identify such a simple and obvious solution?
we have bought them a number of times and they were fine. for some reason this batch completely lacked salt, which is odd but one of the least damaging ingredients to just forget. She thought they were just "bad" and beyond saving. here i come with my shaker of flavordust and save the day
we have bought them a number of times and they were fine. for some reason this batch completely lacked salt, which is odd but one of the least damaging ingredients to just forget. She thought they were just "bad" and beyond saving. here i come with my shaker of flavordust and save the day
kinda forgot my last sentence:
so she was mostly upset at wasting money and having to make something else entirely for us to eat
Now that would actually be a good double twist. Ayy goes to check the receipt in her to-go bag and she sees the burger she was charged for listed as "The Tyler Supreme" or something. Kek.
idk beef?
I actually went back and rewatched that scene and there is no indication to where the beef comes from. maybe it is him but maybe it isn't I actually don't think it is, chef didn't plan for her asking for a burger
My wife once invited her family over for thanksgiving without asking for my permission. I don't like her family, they are dirty rude slobs. Instead of Turkey, I made cheap cheeseburgers and oven baked sweet potato fries because I didn't feel like spending so much money on food for her family. I sat silently the entire time with a displeased glare as they were forced to eat the slop. What they didn't realize is that I also added some Carolina reaper sauce to the burgers and it was too spicy for them to enjoy. They ended up leaving early. My wife never invited her family to my home ever again after that.
I burned my neighbour and his family alive because he ate my food without complimenting me, his wife's rich parents paid for her ivy league education and his kids like s'mores.
I was right to do it.
I once gave tickets to my factory out to members of the public and then once they were inside I killed them one by one
Until there was one dude left at the end who wasn't really like the others so I let them go
>Can I take your order? >You didnt even gave me The Menu™ >Sir...you can scan the code on your table with you phone and then choose your order. >Fug modern times...i cant even have a fucking The Menu™ in my hands
Everytime.
The one time when I, a burned-out visionary chef, invited a bunch of richfags to my private culinary-destination island, made them participate in an increasingly terrifying menu of humiliations, and then killed them all as well as my staff and myself in a fiery yet ironic sacrifice symbolizing everything I hate about contemporary food culture. Oh and there was also a cute girl I made a great cheeseburger for, I think she was a prostitute or something.
I once put a whole bunch of locks on my door then complained I couldn't get out.
American poets:
Walt Whitman was dope. So what if he was gay.
for the sake of subversion, i once put my plate on top of my steak and proceeded to eat the plate
but after the first bite my mouth began to bleed so i had to stop
The cheeseburger made him happy!!!!!
I cooked a burger and enjoyed it
I've recently started cooking a lot. I probably do more cooking in the house than my mom does now. And sometimes my novice family will question some of my cooking, giving their amateur advice on how to improve something (really they just have a shitty palate) and then I'll hit them with the Ralph Fiennes stare.
My mother is a fucking awful cook. Looking back I honestly don't know how and why she was so shit. She was a stay at home mom for most of my life. She's not an alcoholic and doesn't have any hobbies beyond reading. What was she doing all day while we were at school? Why the hell didn't she learn and practice to become a better cook? I feel bad for her that my father divorced her but looking at it objectively she wasn't doing anything to maintain the marriage on her part. I doubt they had much of a sex life and even if they did she's not a great beauty and was overweight, you need bring something to the table and if you expect to be a full-time homemaker while your husband is the sole provider you should at least be good at it.
I love you mom but what the hell were you doing all those years?
People just let it all get away from them, one day they look up and everyone’s gone and they’re old and fat
i've tried to teach my wife how to cook for years and years. i gave up a while back when she was REAL upset over some store-bought perogies tasting like shit. one nibble and i said "it has no salt", dashed some on, completely fixed.
she can usually follow a recipe, at least. some can't even manage that
>i gave up a while back when she was REAL upset over some store-bought perogies tasting like shit.
I don't get it. If they were store bought why was she so upset? That she couldn't identify such a simple and obvious solution?
we have bought them a number of times and they were fine. for some reason this batch completely lacked salt, which is odd but one of the least damaging ingredients to just forget. She thought they were just "bad" and beyond saving. here i come with my shaker of flavordust and save the day
kinda forgot my last sentence:
so she was mostly upset at wasting money and having to make something else entirely for us to eat
>mfw I'm a manchild with no prospects living with mummy and daddy but I know how to cook spaghetti
Hardcore projecting.
Same
I used to be an extremely picky autist but finally started branching out lately
w-what happened to him...?
what do you think he made the burger out of?
Now that would actually be a good double twist. Ayy goes to check the receipt in her to-go bag and she sees the burger she was charged for listed as "The Tyler Supreme" or something. Kek.
>we were robbed from this beauty because of Hollywood bog standards
What do you mean, anon...the buccal surgery went well beyond hollyisraelite expectations!
That's just the wall. She looks like a child in the before.
Nope..it's buccal fat surgery.
idk beef?
I actually went back and rewatched that scene and there is no indication to where the beef comes from. maybe it is him but maybe it isn't
I actually don't think it is, chef didn't plan for her asking for a burger
That's a man ain't it?
I thought you died.
personal sex slave to the menu man
Wasn't it shown on-screen that he hanged himself?
I thought he just walked away dejected
then she catches a glimpse of him swinging from the rafters.
I guess I wasn’t paying enough attention, the more I think about the movie the less I like it
I saw it once and thought it was okay but I'll never watch it again. Probably helped that my expectations were so low.
they put him on the Menu [2]
>parents come over for dinner
>serve them fried foreskin
>"this symbolizes my forced circumcision as a newborn"
>parents applaud my cooking artistry
My wife once invited her family over for thanksgiving without asking for my permission. I don't like her family, they are dirty rude slobs. Instead of Turkey, I made cheap cheeseburgers and oven baked sweet potato fries because I didn't feel like spending so much money on food for her family. I sat silently the entire time with a displeased glare as they were forced to eat the slop. What they didn't realize is that I also added some Carolina reaper sauce to the burgers and it was too spicy for them to enjoy. They ended up leaving early. My wife never invited her family to my home ever again after that.
What you didn't know was that as revenge, your wife started fucking Tyrones bbc behind your back, still does
Nice try but... my wife is black and black women never fuck black men.
So petty. Imagine dealing with your personal problems like a bitch lmao
you sound like a legit psychopath and I hope for your wife's sake she's left you
I once burned all the bridges in my life with a single act. It felt great. My only mistake was not killing myself like I was planning to.
Classic mistake
Me and my friends were cool with killing ourselves for the sake of our pretentious jobs or something
I burned my neighbour and his family alive because he ate my food without complimenting me, his wife's rich parents paid for her ivy league education and his kids like s'mores.
I was right to do it.
I once murdered a bunch of journalists
when I killed Cedric diggory but that other little homosexual got away
my ex was a great cook but was also an annoying food snob and drank too much
Yeah, dating dudes sucks. I feel you anon.
I once gave tickets to my factory out to members of the public and then once they were inside I killed them one by one
Until there was one dude left at the end who wasn't really like the others so I let them go
Why did the actor's friend have to die?
Same for those corrupt dudes, they had nothing to do with this asshole delussions.
>Can I take your order?
>You didnt even gave me The Menu™
>Sir...you can scan the code on your table with you phone and then choose your order.
>Fug modern times...i cant even have a fucking The Menu™ in my hands
Everytime.
DEH
this voldemort lookin ahh mf don season his food bet
The one time when I, a burned-out visionary chef, invited a bunch of richfags to my private culinary-destination island, made them participate in an increasingly terrifying menu of humiliations, and then killed them all as well as my staff and myself in a fiery yet ironic sacrifice symbolizing everything I hate about contemporary food culture. Oh and there was also a cute girl I made a great cheeseburger for, I think she was a prostitute or something.
I had homoerotic intercourse with a man