Video essay cringe thread

Video essay cringe thread

  1. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >Starts with ~~*they/them*~~ opening a beer/pouring wine/whiskey etc.
    >"Sigh, let's get into it....

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >plays a clip from the movie
      >cuts back to reviewer looking bemused
      >*sigh*
      >*pulls out comically large bottle of whisky*
      kino

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        Mike from RLM?

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      That's classic 00s/early 10s Youtube reviewer not modern video essay garbo.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        >*sigh* "I really don't want to review this one. In fact I'm reviewing something else"
        >cut to themselves walking in with a mop on their head
        >"Anonymous Critic, it's you from the future! If you don't review this film the world will be blow up!"
        >Stock image of a city, shitty flat explosion FX pasted over it. Image does not change.
        >*exhales deeply* "Fine, let's get on with it"

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        Don't act like the "classic" style is good, because it's shit too.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        >going to unfunny autistic underage AVGN retards being the only people talking about games
        No

        I like the concept of video essays but most of them suck balls. Mainly they don't get what "analysis" means. Analysis is not a review, it's trying to understand how a piece of art works on different levels and putting into words abstract feelings that you have about something. Analysis done well is extremely interesting but sadly almost nobody does it

        The concept is solid, and when video essays were first being made, I was so excited for the future, to see them improve into the educational resource that they should be.
        Turns out that people only want to make video essays on pop culture shit, and the entire medium is a fucking wasteland that needs to be destroyed from the ground up.

        The real problem is when they turn their "essays" into full blown documentaries larded up with bullshit before getting to the point, often with a script that's poorly written because it's dumbasses writing how they think they sound in their head or for how other "youtube" narrated videos sound. This is further amplified if it's a zoomer who's barely old enough to drink and who's never researched or written anything.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >plays a clip from the movie
      >cuts back to reviewer looking bemused
      >*sigh*
      >*pulls out comically large bottle of whisky*
      kino

      >I'M A BIG BOY! I DRINK BIG BOY DRINK!

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Tech tubers do this with coffee and it puts me in a seething rage every time

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      He's the Angry Cynical Drunken Hesitant "Classical Liberal" (but still racist) movie reviewer

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >pulls out beer
      >looks angry and starts shaking head and swearing
      >"No we're gonna need something stronger for this!"
      >pulls out whiskey bottle full of ice tea and starts chugging it

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      It really is the worst kind

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        Not really. The worst is the breadtubers who dabble in media like Hbomberguy. They always try to squeeze everything through their post modern feminist prism.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        Na this is more thinking getting drunk makes him an intellectual philosopher.

  2. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >How _____ is actually terrifying

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >How _____ is actually insane

  3. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    That fucking critical drinker guy. Why does he have to pronounce the ends of his words like he's had a stroke? I get second hand cringe hearing him speak.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      as a scot, i am impressed with how well he does the drunken character. our accents dont sound like that unless were drunk. either hes got the voice down or hes actually drunk.

      either way hes still a gay though

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Cope. Drinker is cool.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Eh, I like Drinker, I've found I usually agree with his movie takes. I wouldn't have watched Everything, Everywhere all At Once if it wasn't for him outlining why he liked it so much. So he's not just a contrarian for its own sake, he does movies, sometimes even obscure ones, he also liked a lot.

      I mean he's honest, the whole "drunken working class Scotsman" persona is just a character part for him and he's admitted as much, it's just something that got him an audience. When he does live shows he's just a normal guy.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        The live shows are the worst part, he just talks in his normal voice, answering questions about his life. Those live shows don't ever even get a tenth of his regular audience. He might as well just stop doing them, and focus on doing the videos people actually watch.
        All he does is watch cartoons and talk into a webcam. The editing is something that I can do in Windows Movie Maker. Probably just takes a couple hours to shit out one of his videos.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >doing funny voice is, LE BADE
      stoklasa's been doing plinkett since like 2008

  4. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    I find them comfy THO

  5. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >raid shadow legends
    >skillshare
    >manscaped

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Don't forget VPN ads

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        >you can watch netflix shows from other countries!
        i can already do that for free because i’m not a fucking retard and i know how to use torrents

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >Established titles!
      when someone lets established titles sponsor them, instantly unsubscribe and stop watching unironically. the fact that they'd give their audience a product that they haven't even looked into is fucking criminal

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous
      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        >Not using Sponsor Block

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Manscaped ads are peak Reddit masculinity

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >*saves youtube kino*

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        >youtube kino
        no such thing

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Don’t forget the massive scam that is Better Health.
      >Mental Health subscription service
      >None of the “therapists” are remotely qualified
      >They can’t even give prescriptions

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        Prescription meds for mental health is a fraud.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        >I'm Ethan Klein and all right wingers are sub human trash who deserve to be lined up in a ditch.
        >get help dude. Which brings me to my sponsor, better help.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Manscaped ads are peak Reddit masculinity

      Post sponsored kinos

  6. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >*eerie music starts*
    >No... No not this movie... I promised myself I'd never review it-
    >*evil alter ego enters screen*
    >It is your destiny to watch shitty movies Youtube Critic
    >*channel theme song starts*

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >the movie itself is possessed and forcibly confines the youtube critic into his chair
      >you must review me if you ever want to escape

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        >*sigh* "I really don't want to review this one. In fact I'm reviewing something else"
        >cut to themselves walking in with a mop on their head
        >"Anonymous Critic, it's you from the future! If you don't review this film the world will be blow up!"
        >Stock image of a city, shitty flat explosion FX pasted over it. Image does not change.
        >*exhales deeply* "Fine, let's get on with it"

        Channel Awesome was cringekino

  7. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >But anon, what about me?

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Based boomer, his takes are kinda reaching sometimes but you can tell he actually cares about what he talks about, unlike most youtubers who just say nothing about whatever's popular for exactly 10 minutes and 1 second

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >Buy my reviews! They're on sale!
      >no one buys them
      >Releases them for free

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >But what if there's this WHOLE 'NOTHER SUBPLOT that has nothing to do with the actual plot of the movie?!?!?!

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      I kneel.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      The only one who gives a shit, I just wish he’d branch out more which he seems to be doing. He wants off Kubrick way too much and I don’t know if he’s ever reviewed or analyzed a foreign film.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      and me?

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        >The thing is..
        >Muh Silent Running
        >Muh Exorcist

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          true lul

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        He's a 1950s binman!

  8. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    thats why you should just watch normal reviewer like jeremy jahns

  9. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >there are people who watch this slop thinking its insightful and smart
    >there are people who watch it think they've learned something
    Holy fuck

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Where do those who want to make them sit on the pecking order?

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        Your taste in videos can improve. If you're a hack and a pseud however you stay one

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          Most are dogshit and uninteresting but is it them or a platform that incentives the dogshit?

  10. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >so let's get started
    >[movie] is a movie. The end. Thanks for watching.
    >channel outro plays
    >haha just kidding guys

  11. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >beard oil ads

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Who is that Homo habilis vampire on the right?

  12. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >I started the movie and was enjoying
    >Then I was able to guess where things were going
    >So I got bored and turned it off
    >6/10

  13. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    I've never watched a 'video essay'.

  14. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >[franchise] didn't die, it was murdered!

  15. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    reminder that /misc/ still hasn't refuted this

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >p-please watch my video guise!
      "No!"

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >taking time to refute clickbait

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      It's wrong. There. Refuted.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      was this the one that was longer than the actual movie?

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        That's just the general trend that everyone is working towards. One group is making the 10 minute, stretch one idea to the breaking point for length. One group is making the 1.5+ hour videos, trying to milk every last comment they can make on a subject.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >pretending to have a contrarian view to get likes and subs
      pathetic.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      I prefer the first movie myself, Mary Jane is insufferable in 2. Makes Peter a cuck as well.

  16. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >(Movie) at (30/40/50): Why the (Director) Classic Remains (Adjective) Today

  17. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    these are all for the same movie if you search "movie" is good
    >a cinematic masterpiece
    >why movie is a cinematic disaster
    >an enduring classic
    >has aged so much better than other movies
    >why movie is an underrated gem
    >why the movie soundtrack is actually genius

    guess the movie

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Problem Child 2

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >the secret genius of

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      What is it?

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        garfield: a tale of two kittens

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          based

          I love the bit where "banality" was replaced with [consistency]

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        I've never seen one before, no one has, but I'm guessing it's a white hole.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        shrek

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Lilo & Stich? With the demographic of video essays it has to be something from the early 2000's.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Gay morons From Outer Space

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Blackedraw ft. Abella danger

  18. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Smells like a bunch of failed normies ITT,I know you try to greentext on YouTube and probably Reddit tou gay cunts.Fucking off yourselves

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >failed normies

      nobody who posts on this website is normal

  19. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >video essay is as long as the movie

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >video essay is 2x the length of the movie

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >Video essay is a several part mini series

  20. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >Smells like a bunch of failed normies ITT,I know you try to greentext on YouTube and probably Reddit tou gay cunts.Fucking off yourselves

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      what compels a human being to do something like this?

  21. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    I like the concept of video essays but most of them suck balls. Mainly they don't get what "analysis" means. Analysis is not a review, it's trying to understand how a piece of art works on different levels and putting into words abstract feelings that you have about something. Analysis done well is extremely interesting but sadly almost nobody does it

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      2.0 is comin', choom.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Analysis is repeating the plot

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        nope

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        repeating the plot in the most glib and patronizing way possible to sound smarter

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      The concept is solid, and when video essays were first being made, I was so excited for the future, to see them improve into the educational resource that they should be.
      Turns out that people only want to make video essays on pop culture shit, and the entire medium is a fucking wasteland that needs to be destroyed from the ground up.

  22. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >Background music of video-essay is Zelda or chiptune shit

  23. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Why would anyone make video essay instead of essay?
    You can save hours just by writing on ms.word/libre and publish online as a journal, you can even print it if you want

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      that used to be a thing but blogs died off hard

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      That's what I did, my video essay is just the two intro chapters and I left the rest available online for anyone who gave was interested after watching
      >publish online as a journal
      Wtf does this mean? Is there a journal for cringe shitty pseud ramblings, and why would anyone care about it?

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        can't anyone post articles on medium?

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Money and clicks.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >Why would someone do something that might make them money and not instead do something that definitely will not make them money?

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Because they can't write

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Most of the time they can't write for shit, but most importantly, the target audience of video essays can't read.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Reading is hard

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      People just turn these video essays on in the background because 90% of them are fluff material without any depth, you can't listen to a written essay the same way.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Who the fuck reads. Noone fucking reads.

  24. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Yeah this genre has become so tiresome. I take the authority of someone relaying info with a grain of salt. Generally, if they sound like a zoomer, I'm not interested and if there's an obvious bias I also lose interest. The shits become so diluted that I've pretty much stopped viewing this genre of video.

    Drama videos are a guilty pleasure though, so if something like this is involved I may consider watching.

  25. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >video essay about movie that came out in 2009
    >video begins with the sound of a VHS tape being put into a recorder and a CRT TV starting

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      what the fuck is up with zoomers and being obsessed with VHS? every fucking thing has to look like a beat up video tape now

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        They're desperate for sovl.
        They can't even be proud of their race (unless it's non-white), their gender(unless it's non-male), nor their sexuality (unless it's non-hetero). These are the kind of things all healthy and normal people gravitate towards and are their first taste of sovl. It's been banned for zoomers so now they need to adopt something else, something that isn't problematic.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        It unironically has soul
        >t. zoom

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        It's something they grew up with that's now extinct, it's out of nostalgia just like synthwave/vaporwave back in 2016

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          I mean I understand the nostalgia, I lived the vape aesthetic in adolescence. I had the room full of posters, VHS tapes full of shows and music videos. It was cozy, but inconvenient.

          But from someone someone who saw someone use a VHS when they were 4 is something I don't understand.

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          Zoomers grew up with DVDs

          • 1 week ago
            Anonymous

            Later on yes, I'm refering to early childhood as most of them were born during the late 90's/early 2000's

          • 1 week ago
            Anonymous

            unless you were born after 2007, you grew up with VHS

            • 1 week ago
              Anonymous

              did you mean 1997?

              • 1 week ago
                Anonymous

                No.
                Most households had a VHS player in them up until the early-mid 2000s. Especially lower-middle class and below and those that had a few children with a spread of ages.

              • 1 week ago
                Anonymous

                if you were born in 2007 you're 15 now and have no concept of VHS

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        pretend nostalgia for something they never experienced

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        Memories of the last VHS's as kids.
        Most zoomers grew up in the last days of the VHS and probably watched at least some of their favorite childhood movies on VHS and used them in school. So there's nostalgia for it all.

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          My entire childhood used VHSes, DVDs became the norm in my teens. The whole VHS aesthetic doesn't particularly do anything for me and I have way more experience with them than these zoomers who saw like two movies on VHS when they were four. All I would think of is my VHS player chewing up my tape of recorded X-Men, Simpsons, Digimon and Godzilla: The Series episodes I compiled over months.
          Twice

          • 1 week ago
            Anonymous

            For me it was watching the second half of Titanic over and over because I didn't care about the romance and just wanted to see the boat sink.

            • 1 week ago
              Anonymous

              I had an odd thing with my cousin whenever they visited where we'd play Titanic but put random scenes running backwards. The first rewind setting on that VHS player was a perfect 1x time so you'd have an exact reversal. I guess because it's a really long movie you have a lot of scenes to make wacky like this. Like propeller guy flying up out of the ocean.

              • 1 week ago
                Anonymous

                >mam rapidly cartwheels out of the ocean and clips his head on a boat propeller
                Kek

              • 1 week ago
                Anonymous

                There's also the scene where Jack is teaching Rose how to spit like a man. I think we joked that they were passing another ship.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        Streaming is the worst thing ever to happen to TV.
        I can imagine why they look back on it.

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          They love streaming and think that old shows are problematic and cringe. There's no way they're watching anything beyond the flavor-of-the-week, and the regular staples.

          • 1 week ago
            Anonymous

            The trigger warnings were a millemoron invention, stop shifting the blame.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      I had probably fully stopped using my VHS about 2002/3. Torrents would have been out in full swing by then.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      The last known movie released on VHS was A History Of Violence in 2006.
      It's still very reasonable to assume that people were buying VHSs in the last years of the 00s.
      Blu-Ray has been around since that very same year(2006), and we still see new shows/movies being released on DVD in 2022.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        >The last known movie released on VHS was A History Of Violence in 2006.
        The VHS equivalent to a pity fuck. By 2002 DVDs were the standard for home video and commonplace
        >It's still very reasonable to assume that people were buying VHSs in the last years of the 00s.
        No. Please zoom again.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        >The last known movie released on VHS was A History Of Violence in 2006.
        and the last ps2 game came out in 2013. whats your point bro?

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          My point is that the original complaint is suggesting that VHS was long dead by 2009, and the absurdity of using it for retro movie intros, isn't as outrageous as it originally seemed.
          That 2009 movie isn't on VHS, but in 2009, people were still watching VHSs.
          VHS is still "of the same era" as 2009.
          New technology might get adopted fast, but old technology doesn't get removed until it's necessary. Case in point, burgerland still uses the imperial system for measurements, and will post-rationalize all day about how they can feel the difference between a change in 1-2F or how inches/pounds are somehow a good way to understand height and weight.
          Cope.

          • 1 week ago
            Anonymous

            >My point is that the original complaint is suggesting that VHS was long dead by 2009
            It was
            >people were still watching VHSs.
            If you were literally dirt ass poor
            >VHS is still "of the same era" as 2009.
            decade =! era
            >New technology might get adopted fast, but old technology doesn't get removed until it's necessary
            VHS died once DVD players became affordable by 2002. At most you VCR/DVD combo decks for people who didn't feel like upgrading certain VHS movies or they weren't out on DVD.
            >Case in point, burgerland still uses the imperial system for measurements
            A better example is when we discovered it was more sanitary to wipe your ass with paper and not your hands.

            Dilate and sneethe.

          • 1 week ago
            Anonymous

            VHS was dead by 2009.
            Cheap DVD players had been available for a long time, everyone even poorfags at least had a console that could play DVD's.
            Nowhere sold VHS anymore in 2009.

            • 1 week ago
              Anonymous

              >tj """"henry"""" yoshi ended up on top

            • 1 week ago
              Anonymous

              I went to a Chinese computer hardware shop and picked up a region unlocked DVD player back in 2000 and it was very inexpensive. Lasted forever too. But PS2s made the format accessible to most people.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        History of Violence is a magnificent kino by the way

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        Im a europoor from some shithole and we had a standalone dvd player in 2002 and I bought my first bluray (sherlock holmes) in 2009. Nobody was using vhs anymore in the late 2000s

  26. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Most of these videos don’t even analyze they just spend a majority of the time summarizing and outlining what happened in the movie.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Scary to think these same people think they're bright enough to engage in politics and vote

  27. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >A channel completely dedicated to talking about a series set in the far future
    >A synthwave intro

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Wisecrack?

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      I don't get the problem, synthwave is a genre specifically about an 80's conceptualization of what the future will be like, although it ironically is a form of nostalgia for a vision of the future.

  28. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Nobody talks about how much these Youtubers make money for Video Essays, pro tip, its about 10-30k per video.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      How does one get in on this grift

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        Grow some balls and put yourself out there by trying to make something. Or be like 90% of this users in this thread and anonymously bitch with a smug sense of superiority while they do absolutely nothing with their lives.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Most of them don't though

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      The vast majority of Youtube content creators do not make above minimum wage. Only a tiny proportion actually make decent money.

  29. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >content for children on a children's social platform is childish
    whoa no way

  30. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >How X Broke Me

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Ow got that shit makes me seethe

  31. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >the video is divided into parts of 3-5 minutes each

  32. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >(JCS Inspired)

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      i miss JCS.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        >find channel that isn't complete garbage
        >hey that's pretty cool. i'm gonna follow these g-
        >garden gnometube made them quit
        every fucking time

  33. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    the thing i hate the most about 1 hour+ long youtube videos is that they always have a part at the beginning justifying why the video is so long
    >and yes i know that this is a long video but let me explain why, you see...
    i dont give a shit bro get to the topic

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      WAKE ME UP

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        Something tells me this guy has little kids chained up in his basement.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        Something seems ODD about this here FELLA, I tell you hwhat!

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        this guy invites kids over to Uncle Touchy's Naked Puzzle Basement

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          Where your wife is buried? Also hi red-dit

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        How does this shit have millions of views?

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          zoomer girls

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          Kids and teens are the main demo for YouTube. Making a video that would take an entire day to watch, probably sounds appealing to the parents that use screens to babysit.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        The bizzarre part about this is that he used to do normal fucking reviews of shit. Okay content (despite being a huge shitlib), but then he got obsessed with this shit

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        >communist breadtuber
        >obsessed with childrens’ media
        hmm…

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        >all those dms of him passive-aggressively begging for pussy
        Insane this retard still has an audience after that all got leaked, imagine being too much of a creepy fag for the breadtuber community lmao

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >we went down a rabbit hole with this one

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        >with lore so deep you're guaranteed to fall down the rabbit hole

  34. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >credits the director with a shot that coincidentally looks like another shot from an obscure dutch film from the 50s

  35. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    (CAN'T WAKE UP)

  36. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    the Library of Alexandria was known to contain a whole load of shit like this

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >check into library
      >new Aristotle scroll, Top 10 Strongest Shapes just dropped
      >hell yeah, settle in for comfy read
      >passing wine vendor interrupts to shill wares
      >scoot stool out of his way
      >accidentally bump scroll onto floor and lose place
      >fucking adverts

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        Aristotle's been a glib facsimile for years, everyone knows Triangle was his strongest work. When will he stop working on muh Circle 2 part epic and come out with some enjoyable content again

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          I hate this geometry nerd so much, I swear to Zeus if I ever meet him I will disturb his shitty little circles

  37. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Anything done for profit is not worth consooming.

  38. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    never understood the mentality of people who want so desperately to hear another person's opinion on something. it's different if you are able to have a conversation with someone and offer your opinion as well, like on here or on a forum, by why sit there and passively consume another person's opinion? it's not as if these people are involved in movie making, in which case I can understand it, like watching a director or actor talking about their own films, but these people probably know less than the average person on this site. is it just decades of schooling that has hardcoded a desire to seek out an authority figure to tell you what to think instead of thinking for yourself?

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      They want to validate their own opinions by hoping some big YouTuber agrees with them

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      It can be good if the review/analysis is good, ie makes you think differently about the movie. This can't really be done with MCU type trash though as there isn't much to think about.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      these video essays are just validation for the viewer
      >woah this thing that i like is actually so good that someone made a video X amount of time long explaining why its good. that must mean i am actually smart and have a superior taste!

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      I like looking up glowingly positive reviews/essays of stuff I like. I also like looking up intensely negative reviews for stuff I hate. I like having my opinions validated.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      I get introduced to some movies I’ve never seen through them, or if I really like a movie and want to know more about it I’ll try to find stuff on it. But the analysis has to be good, and not just a basic bitch review. There are a few people (Rob Ager and others) who actually do backgrounders on the director so you learn a lot of extra details that way, and yeah I could just read that shit but may as have it as background noise when I’m gaming.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      I like documentary style ones.
      Like where they talk about the behind the scenes production and shit.
      CinemaTyler for example is a solid channel for that style.
      But the ones where its just some dumbass restating the plot and not really bringing in anything else are unbearable.

  39. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    I have a pretty successful YouTube channel. I won’t dox myself but it makes me enough money that I was able to quit my job and live off of my YouTube proceeds.

    You want me to let you in on a little secret? Most YouTube users are sub 90 IQ moron cattle. I tried making content without gimmicks, without the söy face thumbnail, without retarded gags laden throughout the video and you know what happened? It was my lowest viewed video ever and it absolutely tanked my user engagement metrics.

    So I went back to making söylent faces for my video thumbnails. I went back to adding “LE WACKY AND RANDUM XD” jokes and gimmicks. In doing so, my views skyrocketed again and my Knox was flooded with dumb moron cattle telling me how much they love my show.

    You brought this on yourselves. I tried to give you something of substance and you rejected it so I’ll shovel meaningless goyslop down your moron cattle throat like you so desperately want me to.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      If you're real, you have any suggestions for someone wanting to start out?

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      It's not le dumb cattle you gay it's the youtube algorithm itself. I mean maybe it's partially braindead zoomer fucks but it's also the algorithm.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        Can confirm. It's not the 2000s anymore, Youtube is an ultranormie website now that panders to the lowest common denominator. That plus the algorithm means your stupidest clickbait shit will get the most views.

        its literally children. under-16 kids are the majority of viewers on much of yt

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Can confirm. It's not the 2000s anymore, Youtube is an ultranormie website now that panders to the lowest common denominator. That plus the algorithm means your stupidest clickbait shit will get the most views.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >I won't dox myself
      Bro it's an anonymous board. Anyone can come here and say
      >I am Huggbees from youtube, fuck morons!
      and it doesn't fucking matter, no need to be a pussy

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        And yet people still cling to the idea that (maybe) Taylor Swift posts here

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      You cultivated an audience that would response to that. Whatever you might think of them, Shaun and Matthewmatosis are only two examples of successful essayists who don't rely on those cheap gimmicks. You have no one to blame but yourself, you pathetic fraud.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        Shaun cornered the market of 'breadtube' by being the only one with a triple digit IQ making videos for that sect.
        Matthewmatosis is a wonderful case study in self-sabotage as a content creator combined with actually being smart as a person.

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          quick rundown? I don't watch this matthewmatosis guy but am interested what happened

          • 1 week ago
            Anonymous

            No juicy drama with Matt, he just went far enough into the "I'm only going to make videos I want to make, about my favorite niche topics, and only when I want to" hole that he lost all relevance. And frankly his videos are boring as shit now, going into autistic detail about minor pieces of game theory or thoroughly describing boring games

          • 1 week ago
            Anonymous

            He got popular back in the day for making high quality game reviews of popular titles like Zelda, Bioshock Infinite, Mario, etc.
            Far above par for the time period especially and even today they're some of the best. He's still a darling on Cinemaphile for it.
            His release rate was always particularly slow, but on two occasions he spent a year just making videos about games literally no one heard of with videos that frankly weren't interesting to anyone that wasn't a sperg that loved puzzle games or pseudo-mobile games. And when he does a vid on something that is popular its often several years after the fact where the hype had died down heavily.

            Its fascinating where he has many vids that have >500k or even >1mil views and comments raving about how good he is compared to everyone else, dotted between stretches of vids on literally-who games that have 70k views.
            Its admirable that he is that dedicated to doing things his way, but if he was more willing to appeal to the algorithms he'd probably be one of the largest games video essayists around.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >the fans drive how the website works
      >not the people who make the website
      No , Youtube is pushing goyslop.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Wow I can't believe Jenna marbles posts here and says the n word like I do!

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        I would unironically believe it

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      kino corner

  40. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >Remember that fairly middling movie you watched as a kid? Here’s what it’s an UNDERRATED MASTERPIECE

  41. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >Ten Things You Missed About The Ending Of "Patently Obvious Movie"

  42. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >And that's....why.......Terminator 3.....is.....secretly a....master...............................................piece.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Thanks for that stirring review Stevie from 'Malcolm in the Middle'

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      *inhales*

  43. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >This movie absolutely changed my life
    >The movie is some disney flop like Chicken Little

  44. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    *COUGH*

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      He vacillates between being genuinely inciteful and being just boring/annoying to listen to.
      It depends on the game I suppose.

      So when exactly did everyone decide to start calling their youtube reviews "video essays" instead?

      Probably 2014 or so.
      People like Nerdwriter1 and the like drove it.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        *insightful
        Holy fuck I'm retarded.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Literally the only things of value this pseud has ever done was the Fallout Roadtrip and the Nuclear Tour videos

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        This video was of value

  45. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Video essay kino thread

  46. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >Review is longer than the movie being reviewed

  47. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    closest meme I have

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      This is genuinely funny. "Lost episode" shit has people acting like there is some evil conspiracy to keep it hidden else people will die.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      I remember going into a lost media thread on /a/. I though it would be about cool stuff like that pokemon episode that gave kids seizures, but instead everyone was talking about episodes from various obscure 80's anime were you could see a toddler's nipples for one frame. They were discussing it really seriously too, I don't think there was a single joke in the entire thread. Just a bunch of anons compiling screenshots and the occasional cam rips of anime toddler nipples.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        How pathetic! What losers!

  48. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    What kind of a hack gay makes a career reviewing the artistic works of others? These people are lower than scum to me. Why bother actually trying to make something original on your own, when you could just be a faggy 20-yr old and make an hour-long video about Disney's Home on the Range or whatever the fuck?

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      it's common knowledge that all critics are failed artists

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        "Critics are like those who watch a battle from high atop a hill, then come down and shoot the survivors" - Hemingway

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      > an hour-long video about Disney's Home on the Range or whatever the fuck?
      This is the shit that bothers me the most. No one makes video essays about genuinely good movies that you might actually be interested in it's always some shitty animated goyslop.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        even if they made a video about a movie I wanted to watch I'd rather just watch the damn movie first.
        I do like looking up the consensus on movies after I've watched them to see how my opinions align with the public, but no more than that

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        bc people smarter than them have already said a lot on the good movies, so they have to carve out a niche by branching out into mediocre slop that critics with actual insight haven't bothered with

  49. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >_____ ending explained
    Why is there one for every single film no matter how simple?

  50. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    So when exactly did everyone decide to start calling their youtube reviews "video essays" instead?

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      I think Orson Welles originally developed the concept of a "video essay" those are basically all his later works.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        I'm not sure that answered my question but it did put into context how ridiculous it is to call your youtube review of Care Bears Adventure in Wonderland a "video essay".

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >"video essays" instead?
      Started with Fallout: New Vegas retrospectives and it exploded everywhere else.
      It was inevitable with movies since everyone wanted to be the next RLM.

  51. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Had to hide whole loads of videos recommended about "x" movie being a masterpiece. Not even exagerating. For some unknown reason it seems every meh movie or shitty movie now is a masterpiece.

    And the comments of this videos man. That's what really makes me mad. Every single one just goes with it and I shit you not it's like every comment you read on this videos could be easily come from a bot.

  52. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >get recommended video essay
    >they have *that* cadence
    >50% chance they have a gay Brit accent as well

    These people have to be made in a fucking lab

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Nah, they're all just really fake.

  53. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >Call it a "video essay"
    >It's just a review

  54. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    I refuse to watch ANY video that has the [THING IS LE GOOD? :O] thumbnail. Any.

  55. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >guy mispronounces basic industry terms

  56. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    I've only ever watched the E;R video essays

  57. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    The weird thing about so many of these video essays is that they have the most elaborate and expensive editing ever but they just say the most banal shit.

  58. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    My absolute dipshit friend has started a youtube review channel and is constantly sending me his shit. He's the most declasse, tasteless retard I know and I don't know how to tell him that he's wasting his life.

    Dude is 31 years old and he's trying to be a youtube star. What a nightmare.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      My friend did something similar last year. He was pushing out these God awful comedy videos which were like something you would see popular in YouTube in like 2008 or 9 when Phil DiFranco was popular. Like he had the obnoxious cuts and the humor was just so dated. Wasn't getting good numbers at all and he seemed to get salty when I and others didn't repost his videos or give feedback. It took like a year but eventually he got the hint.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        I should add that this friend was like 29 years old.

  59. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >title promises new insight and an interesting analysis of a movie
    >just retells the plot throughout the video without linking anything to a central thesis

    I swear half of these people don't know what an essay is. You're supposed to have some sort of central argument or point and bolster it throughout the document. So many of these would get F - -

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      I get caught in those traps once in a while.
      Because some vids with titles like that actually do pay off in some way. Enough that it feels worth the gamble.
      But often I lose.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        I do too. It usually takes too long to figure out that they don't have an argument and are just recapping the plot. By then you've wasted like 5 or 10 minutes.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      "Video essay" just became a new term for "review". Which they don't know how to do either.

  60. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >Essayist inserts himself as a cartoon character in the corner with 4-6 different stills to express emotion.

  61. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    You pretty much nailed it.

    Now subscribe to my patreon to get all the updates on how I agree with you.

  62. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    FILM is actually an underappreciated MASTERPIECE. Here's why.

  63. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Dear Seega

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      A classic

  64. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >gayy lower-class tryhard British accent "WOTS UP GOIS TUHDAE WE"RE GONNA TALK ABOUT"

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      what's wrong with lower class?

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        They obviously try to do the accent to sound smart but end up not sounding smart and really tryhard

  65. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >But first we need to talk about parallel universes.
    More like video essay kino.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      has anyone gotten btfo as hard as """""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""henry"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""?

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        >be tj """""""HENRY"""""""" yoshi
        >not know what a half-a press is

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        >literal autist spends 2 seconds of his video mocking this dude's username with an austin powers gif
        >this is somehow the most effective burn of the modern internet era
        Autism really is a superpower

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        He was right, though. You either press a button or you don't press it, the concept of a "half" press is meaningless nonsense. You can press and hold without releasing but that doesn't make it less of a press

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          t.

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          ok tj """""henry""""" yoshi

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      He had an autistic meltdown over the success of that video and never made another one with audio commentary

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        you expect someone who spends thousands of hours a year figuring these things out purely to reduce the number of A presses in a playthrough of a 25+ year old game to NOT be austistic?

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          He was obviously autistic but I’m not sure why he had a mental breakdown over his video going viral, I guess he thought people were mocking him

          • 1 week ago
            Anonymous

            his breakdown was apparently due to how autistic and elaborated that video was. can't blame him tho

  66. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >every zoomer video is narrated by sexless monotone chud voice or effeminate male zoomer vocal fry voice

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      yeah the moany sleepy about-to-cry voice that a lot of these younger youtubers do really annoys me. like bro just read out your script normally.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Name one

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous
        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          hes legit autistic though. and his videos are shit.

  67. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >horror movie critique
    >half of the video is them complaining about that the protagonists didn't act 100% rationally like a calculating robot at all times while in a life or death situation

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      PLOT HOLE

  68. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >records narration in one take
    >leaves in coughs and clearing his throat
    >auto noise reduction on, can hear room noise fluctuate

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      I don't mind that. I'm less bothered by visual/verbal ticks than others. Youtubers will often get called out for stuff like scratching their nose or repeating a word, I don't understand why this bother some people.

      I will say a little character is preferable over some over produce jumpcut laden videos.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        >Youtubers will often get called out for stuff like scratching their nose
        Pretty dumb considering these aren't movie stars. I guess zoomers think everything on a screen comes from hollywood
        >or repeating a word
        That's understandable if it seems like they're just using a word over and over again to sound smart, or they repeat a word and misuse it every time. I recall this one kid misusing the word "infamous", then in a followup video admit he thought it was just a variation of the word famous.

        And by kid, I mean like a 20 year old. A 20 year old dude out of public school didn't know what the prefix "in" was.

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          please tell me you remember which video this was

          • 1 week ago
            Anonymous

            >check
            >it's gone
            It was like 2 minutes in a 15 minute video or so, but yes, I know I heard some 20 something canuck speak English worse than an American.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        That Eric July guy literally rubs his nose like 90% of the time in any video I've seen him in because he has a big black guy nose and a beard so it's probably irritating him constantly. That's the kind of shit YouTubers should be aware of, mostly because they probably don't even realize how much they're doing it.

  69. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >movie "review"
    >it's just a wikipedia recap of the plot

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Remember this one channel, the name of it was something like "Analyzing Evil".
      I was like damn, that's promising, sounds like an attempt at an analysis based on philosophy/theology/whateverdeepshit. The name has a lot of gravity.
      Turns out it was just this:

      >it's just a wikipedia recap of the plot
      For like General Grievous or some shit.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >every james rolfe ree-view

  70. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    and who could possibly forget
    >Sonic Adventure 2 - A Postmodern Analysis

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Does he know what postmodern means?

  71. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    any examples of channels that do it right?

  72. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >get recommended a video for a youtuber I haven't watched in a year or so
    >click on it
    >his voice is a lot less cheery than I remember, almost sounds like he's ashamed of his voice
    >think to myself "if I was a 4chan schizo I'd accuse him of chuding out, especially since he has an anime avatar"
    >video cuts to a part showing a twitch livestream he had
    >"Please use she/her pronouns <3" displayed on screen

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >Listen to several minutes of what is clearly some nerdy guy's voice
      >"I'm trans btw"
      Very funny

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      that shit is genuinely depressing, specially when it's a guy who's been uploading for a long time

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Barnybeebros... Why couldn't Uberdanger save him?

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      I genuinely feel sad for these people
      speaking of, what happened to Jim sterling or whatever his name was?

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        BORN DIFFERENT

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          oh he's lost some weight, good on him for that at least
          shame about the upcoming ACK

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Just a crazy historical phenomenon. Wonder how future generations will view it

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        I mean it's pretty obvious how this all ties in with the advent of tinder, internet porn going mainstream, the internet fracturing into small echo-chambers.

        This is currently being disputed but it's be even more clear to our descendants.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        The same way we look at lobotomy now i'd imagine.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Talking about gamechamp or whatever?

  73. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >how ____ broke us

  74. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >guy's entire thing is reading articles for his audience like they're all illiterate or in kindergarten
    >fucks up the pronunciation of every name, every other word
    >Mixed entire sentences up
    >constantly fumbling to replace or omit no-no youtube words
    Who am I talking about? All of them, of course.

  75. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >vidya youtuber stops making videos
    >makes gun videos now

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      You called?

  76. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >creator makes a comparison to some philosopher / school of philosophy that he knows only superficially
    >it's completely dead wrong

  77. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    I really like how some Youtube channels give you an inside view into someone's mental breakdown and degeneration over the years.

    >video released in 2015 - https://youtu.be/0R7R0JHvvgo
    >guy sounds pretentious but mostly coherent, picks a normal interesting topic

    >video released in 2022 - https://youtu.be/ZUP2P9ISR-s
    >pretentiousness amped up to 11, rambling about nonsensical topics

  78. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >THE HISTORY AND REPAIR OF OLD ELECTRONIC THING
    >history is 2 minutes
    >rest of video is weighted to boring repairs that don't even show whole process
    >futzes with it for two minutes
    >NEAT IT WORKED TIME TO PUT INTO STORAGE TO ROT
    >REMEMBER TO LIKE COMMENT AND SOISCRIBE

  79. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    these wojaks are a parody of aunty donna lol
    americans won't understand

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      One in the right looks like Eggman.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >tracing something is a parody

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        it literally is

  80. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Anime reviews are very often a lot better

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >tranime

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous
    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      LMFAO no
      Those guys are fucking retarded normalfags

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Only this guy really and he's not making videos anymore.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      what happened to digibro, again?

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        He was doomed even before the anime. He was making My Little Pony reviewa.

  81. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    I like putting on long video essays and falling asleep to them tbh.
    Also they can be good mindless entertainment if you're bored, it's like putting on the discovery or history channel. Someone of dubious authority tells you about something you probably don't care about and now it's 2 hours later and you're possibly asleep. And hey, you may even learn something if you're lucky, or you'll be inspired to actually look into something mentioned.

  82. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >its a collage of shots of a director or cinematographers body of work

  83. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >Background noise

  84. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >say something about X
    >show picture of X that shares the same name, but obviously not what he was talking about
    >”uhm oh wait…n-not that one”
    >shows pic of the right X
    >”THATS THE ONE!”

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