What Greek myth would you want to make into a movie?

What Greek myth would you want to make into a movie?

I want to do Theseus and the Minotaur just so I could open the movie with a graphic scene of a bull fricking the Minoan queen in a wooden cow contraption

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  1. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Will they show her eyes roll back, then smash cut to her and the bull smoking in bed?

  2. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    The Theban Wars would be awesome. Plebs only know about Oedipus fricking his mom but that's just the set up for the war.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      I want a film about Oedipus fricking his mom

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        >starring Cory Chase and me

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          Senator Cruz, pls

  3. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Not faithful adaptation but pic related was honestly pretty decent to good.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      The Minotaur needs to be able to express more emotion

  4. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    A kino about Orestes that begins with the slaying of his sister as the prologue

  5. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    A good, honest film about Heracles.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Which part of the myth cycle? Its way too long and sprawling to be done in one movie

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Idk, I'd rather not see the slaying of his family.

  6. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    A comedy about Zeus turning into Artemis to frick Callisto and then a pregnant Callisto telling a confused Artemis to take responsibility.

  7. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Theseus but adapted from Mary Renault's books and it's also a TV series and not a film

  8. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    There is a Minotaur scene in the Fellini movie Satyricon. It’s pretty neat.

  9. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    The house of Atreus, so then the Oresteia (the greatest work of literature and drama ever written) could be adapted.

  10. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I'd really want to see proper journey of Odysseus, and I'd really like to see him being played by Sean Bean.
    There are old, excellent movies, but it's a long time since I saw that one.

    On a side note, I actually enjoyed the Hercules movie with Dwayne Johnson.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Came into thread to post almost same thing, along with Sean Bean suggestion, except I didn't like the Hercules movie.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      I can't see hercules, just litty in a wig....

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Curiously this was before he completely disappeared up his own ass and he actually tried.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      There are three adaptations of the Odyssey I have seen. Each one has its merits.

      >Armand Asante version
      This one is made for tv plenum. Sword and sandal stuff which stays pretty close to the story but doesn’t have thematic depth. Lots of cheesy overacting (NO! Men don’t eat other men! >cyclops do ;)). It’s the sort of thing you could show in a school cause the chowderhead children will enjoy the fighting and crappy cgi monsters and fight scenes. 4/10

      >Nostos Ritorno
      By far the most ephemeral and beautiful adaptation of Homer. This is strictly Books 5 and 6 (Calypso and Nausicaa), no slaying of the suitors. Beautiful cinematography, nice visuals and locations. Not for a school setting because it has nudity and also its slow pace and esoteric adaptation of the Odyssey’s events may put people off (the nude people on the Island are never referred to as lotus eaters for instance. You just are assumed to know this by reading the book beforehand).

      >the Odysseu cartoon
      This was a cartoon from the bargain bin at Walmart I saw when I was a child. Very juvenile with cruddy animation. Do not seek this out unless you need something to put on for your five year old.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Thank you for effort posting recommendations, fren.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          Nostos Ritorno is the only one I really recommend.

          Pic related is for four year olds which is how old I was when I watched it and Asante’s is sword and sandal crud which is fun but without any artistic merit.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            I think this is the one I watched on Tubi a couple months ago. Aspect ratio was fricked. There's 2 others that aren't much better. They all cut out different parts of the story but that was the worst. I don't think he even made it home, just married nausicaa and that's it.

            The one I saw in school was the live action version with Kirk Douglas. About what you'd expect of a 60's italian sword and sandal movie.

            • 2 months ago
              Anonymous

              This is a really fun one, though obviously it's not accurate at all to any real myths

  11. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    zeus raping everyone

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Who would wine in a freestyle rape battle, Zeus or Grandma ?

  12. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Never mind Greek, I want other mythologies to get the spotlight for once. Give me the Ulster Cycle or Epic of Gilgamesh.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >Epic of Gilgamesh

      Epic of Gilgamesh has this problem that even if done well, you would have legions of fart sniffers crying that it is basic and completely predictable.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        the twist is that in current year gilgamesh and enkidu are gay lovers

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          Weren't they?

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            enkidu is extremely heterosexual

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Don't worry, no mythology story makes it through the modern Hollywood writer butchershop in it's original state anyway

        the twist is that in current year gilgamesh and enkidu are gay lovers

        I hate how right this is. Especially if you get some danger haired dyke as the writer, same type of person claiming that Frodo and Sam are gay for each other.

  13. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    The real adventures of the Argonauts. Every mythical element is interpreted to mean something real. They find the river gold mines of the Caucasus and the desert nymphs are trees that show them old riverbeds they can return to when they see it raining in the far off mountains. When they note that Hercules was there before them they're talking about finding the real marker stones with runes written by the real Hercules.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      All Greek myths are like this, they're true stories. Every monster that Heracles defeats has a placename attached to it, they're all meant to represent peoples he warred with as invading Doric warlord of Greece. The most obvious is the Cretan Bull, since the bull was the national animal of the Minoan Cretans. Speaking of the Minoan Cretans, they no doubt sacrificed children to a bull-headed idol. The Minoans were related to the Phoenicians, Canaanites and Carthiginians were also Phoenicians and were recorded to have sacrificed children to the bull-headed god Baal/Moloch. The Minotaur myth is a true story of Athenian captain Theseus leading a raid against the Minoans and invading the labyrinthian palace at Knossos (that we've found ruins of) to rescue Athenian child captives from sacrifice. It goes without saying that the Iliad is completely true, the ruins of Troy have been found and there are mentions of the city in Hittite records. Mentions of these characters being the children of Gods is just an ancient way that usrpers and warlords would explain away their own lack of noble blood or lack of ancestral claim on a conquered land, "oh well my dad was a god actually so kiss the ring." We know this because many examples exist well within recorded history including Alexander and Julius Caesar, the Emperor of Japan, and even the current monarchs of England and Denmark could trace their ancestry back to Odin if they wanted. He's listed as their oldest ancestor in the oldest sources.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Yep it's just pretty much impossible to get it all right. Elephant skulls are pretty distinct and make an impression when you see them, the impression of a giant with one eye.
        The beauty of the princess of Troy is partly about control of rich land, the only passage to the Black Sea. A beautiful princess represents control over the people, because they love their pretty princesses so the princess becomes an embodiment of the land.

  14. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >I have here news scrolls some thirteen months old
    >I wrapped fish inside it; it's smelly and cold
    >But I wouldn't trade it for a big pot o' gold!
    >I love it because it's trash
    Frick myth. I want a Diogenes biopic.

  15. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    How would you write it bros?

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      four hours of boulder pushing

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >his name is sissy puss

      What did they mean by this?

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      he is literally me fr fr

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Amy Schumer as the Boulder

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      i wouldn't
      i'd let Robert Eggers write&direct it

  16. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    None because hollywood would black or brownwash them.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >white bull of Minos

  17. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    The one where Zeus fricks a swan

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      no, zeus turns into a swan and fricks a woman

  18. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    the one where Aphrodite cucks Hephaestus

  19. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Paris origin story

    >literally cursed before he was even conceived
    >abandoned on a hillside at birth to be eaten by a bear
    >bear cares for him instead
    >Priam takes it as a sign from the gods that the child should live
    >sends him to live as a poor ranch hand
    >grows up beautiful and noble
    >becomes hero of the rural people, nicknamed 'Protector of Men' - Alexander
    >raises the best animals in the Troad
    >has prize white bull that mogs every other bull in the world
    >the gods notice how awesome he is and decide to test him
    >Ares transforms into a gigachad bull that mogs even Paris' prize bull, Hermes pretends to be a rancher and asks Paris who has the better bull
    >Paris happily admits it's a better bull
    >Gods name him the most impartial mortal judge of beauty
    >He is enlisted to settle an argument between Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite over who is the most beautiful after the goddess of discord got snubbed from being invited to the wedding of Achilles parents and decided to play them against each other
    >They all pose for him to judge them
    >He chooses Aphrodite only after she promises him to the love of the most beautiful woman in the world...

  20. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Sisyphus

  21. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I would do a Gothic feminist take on Persephone being taken into the Underworld that's a coming of age story about womanhood and finding your own individualized identity

  22. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Doesn't matter which, I just wish they'll do historically accurate costumes and have all the men nude, and all women clothed

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Seems gay to me man

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        It's only gay if you're attracted to the dudes

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Actually, the noble women wore dresses with exposed boobs.

  23. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Forget myths, I want a movie of Xenophon's Anabasis. It would be so easy to turn into a film, I don't know how it hasn't been done yet

  24. 2 months ago
    Anonymous
  25. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    slay queen Medea

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      I think there's an Italian movie of her, by the lad who made Salo

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