HBP was such a fricking garbage film, they cut out all the interesting shit from the books then padded it out with garbage teen drama and stupid scenes like this.
>oh they're a magic band so all their lyrics must be about magical creatures and stuff
God that shit was awful. At least Deathly Hallows just had a slightly obscure existing song to pass off as a magical song:
Half blood prince was such a such a moronic plot twist
>as soon as the book is discovered, the readers will assume the half blood prince is voldemort >harry is moronicly oblivious to this, should be super fricking wary after riddles diary in the 2nd book >the most hermione does is complain that its not fair >snape reveals he was the half blood prince >would be shocking but um no, we've all known the half blood prince was someone like that from the very beginning >also he had just killed dumbledore so it was like the least important or impactdul revelation ever - like if you shoot someone in the face only to reveal to the shocked onlookers that you were the one who ate the final slice of cake without paying at the church fete
>harry is moronicly oblivious to this, should be super fricking wary after riddles diary in the 2nd book
There's a bit of a difference between a magical diary that talks to you and a potions book with some tips scribbled in the margins. Harry doesn't see a negative side til he sees firsthand a spell written in the book was incredibly vicious and violent.
>HBP was such a fricking garbage film, they cut out all the interesting shit from the books then padded it out with garbage teen drama and stupid scenes like this.
The teen drama is from the book.
The teen drama is a side-plot to the major plot points of Voldemort's backstory and the horcruxes (which is almost entirely excised except for when Dumbledore first met him and Slughorn's memory), and the Half Blood Prince, which is only mentioned 3 times in the entire film.
it's also the best book because it set off so much seething from different parts of the fanbase >the seething over "canon" ships >the divide over the tone/content of the book >the dumbledore dies spoiler shitshow
it causes ass pain to this day
Harry did I ever tell you about Salazar Slytherin who in the year 1000 AD hid the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets under a bathroom with 20th century plumbing so nobody would be able to find it? Quite the foresight had old Salazar.
You're literally too autstic to be cool. And not normie cool, but be so racist you fix society cool. I'm gonna do the hippogrif you loser. Be stronger.
That scene where Ron goes looking for Hermiony to confess to her and finds the stagecoach she's in and as he gets closer he hears her moaning and rapid thuds against the wall. Then the window flies open and we get to see her breasts flap around as Crumb pulls on her hair as he rails her. She notices Ron but doesn't care and he slumps to the ground and starts jerking off while crying. Was a terrible scene because Ron lasts like 10 seconds and then it cuts back to that fricking Dwarf being thrown out of a window.
>Jesus harry haha how the FRICK do doors work? Do muggles just spin that metal thing and it OPENS? haha >Harry wtf is that lolol is it like a hippogryph but it has a long dog face with a big neck and no wings wtf is that harry lol looks like an incomplete centaur >HARRY HAHAHA is that a little stick with ink inside that you don't have to dip in the ink every time you write????? Fricking wacky lol >Also here's this band with electric guitars, a stand microphone and some amplifiers, everything runs on 220v
HBP was such a fricking garbage film, they cut out all the interesting shit from the books then padded it out with garbage teen drama and stupid scenes like this.
>oh they're a magic band so all their lyrics must be about magical creatures and stuff
God that shit was awful. At least Deathly Hallows just had a slightly obscure existing song to pass off as a magical song:
Honestly the only reasonable explanation is those guys are an actual muggle band that was kidnapped and imperio'd to perform because of popular demand by the students.
They wrote the lyrics in a hurry and just put whatever magical shit they read about on the library while high on Whomping Weed
You're my army you dweebs. Will someone PLEASE put all of the Dumbeldore voocaroos on a single 20-30 minute long youtube video. Or if there's already some link like that that directs me to them, give me them.
Ron grew up with a disgusting fan man impersonating a rat living with him, sleeping with him, bathing with him, sharing food, watching him have his first faps, all while his brothers saw it on the marauder's map and said nothing. That's pretty dodgy.
Hated how this shit went from whimsical wizarding school to full edgelord. I literally laughed out loud when Harry's owl exploded for no reason really. Also that scene where the Nazis are sitting around the table while that autistic teacher begs for her life while getting eaten by the snake, I mean come the frick on
It's never clear in the movies, she just looks like she got injured and then we never see her again.
[...]
Yeah, it gets zapped in Deathly Hallows when they're taking Harry away from the Dursleys for the last time. And I don't know if they mentioned it in the film but in the book it did serve a purpose: Hedwig is quite distinctive, being a snowy owl, and when the Death Eaters recognised it they realised that the Harry they were chasing was the real one and summoned Voldemort.
That was in the movie, in the books they recognize it's him based on his spells because he's the only one who only uses disarming spells and doesn't try to harm his opponents.
>in the books they recognize it's him based on his spells because he's the only one who only uses disarming spells and doesn't try to harm his opponents.
Most kino part of the book series tbqh. Harry getting chewed out for using fricking expeliarmus as everyone's getting killing curses flung at them
He used disarm because he saw the person after him was just Stan Shunpike under the Imperius curse as disposable forces, using a Stunning spell would have killed him given they were a hundred feet in the air on broomsticks
What the frick were they thinking? Spent the entire movie building him up as a god the had him get blasted off screen when Catwoman Mary sues her way through a brick wall at the last second to the exact place where batman was. Kept expecting him to return later but I guess he just dies for real somehow
Yeah, it gets zapped in Deathly Hallows when they're taking Harry away from the Dursleys for the last time. And I don't know if they mentioned it in the film but in the book it did serve a purpose: Hedwig is quite distinctive, being a snowy owl, and when the Death Eaters recognised it they realised that the Harry they were chasing was the real one and summoned Voldemort.
Couldn't he have... Just sent Hedwig to anywhere else? If I had a magically intelligent pet that could fly and knows exactly where to go all the time, I'd tell her to go be a free owl. It would've been a more bittersweet parting if Harry set her free. Or he could've given her the Dursleys and said to Dudley, "Thanks for looking after her" and Dudley replies with sadness and worry for his cousin in his tone, "Make sure you come back for your stupid bird, Potter". Would've been a kino scene of Dudley showing some care, growing out of his selfish hatred and finally realising his cousin is at a very real risk of dying.
Always has. It's lazy writing to make Harry look the only normal one in the family.
2 years ago
Anonymous
yeah but that scene was the worst of it. the way he walks and keeps looking back at harry gives the impression that he either has severe autism or that he wants to have gay sex with harry.
2 years ago
Anonymous
Always has. It's lazy writing to make Harry look the only normal one in the family.
why is dudley acting like a complete sperg
I think you might be the one with autism. He's awkward because he's a teenager who's been a macho guy and a spoiled kid all his life who's only recently become self-aware about what a shit he was, trying to get across to someone he had a fractured often antagonistic relationship with that he's both sorry for the years of bullying behaviour and that he respects him. It's pretty solidly acted to me. He even does that little hand snap that teens did back in the late 2000s in UK and Ireland.
yeah but that scene was the worst of it. the way he walks and keeps looking back at harry gives the impression that he either has severe autism or that he wants to have gay sex with harry.
Didn't Dudley become [extra] moronic after half his soul got sucked out by dementors?
Couldn't he have... Just sent Hedwig to anywhere else? If I had a magically intelligent pet that could fly and knows exactly where to go all the time, I'd tell her to go be a free owl. It would've been a more bittersweet parting if Harry set her free. Or he could've given her the Dursleys and said to Dudley, "Thanks for looking after her" and Dudley replies with sadness and worry for his cousin in his tone, "Make sure you come back for your stupid bird, Potter". Would've been a kino scene of Dudley showing some care, growing out of his selfish hatred and finally realising his cousin is at a very real risk of dying.
In the book the others disguised as Harry also have a fake snowy owl in a cage. They recognize him based on him using a disarming charm instead of something more potentially lethal (even a stunning spell would be given they're hundreds of feet in the air at that point and whoever was stunned would fall to their death).
Also Hedwig dying is supposed to mark his childhood's end, as it's on his 17th birthday and everything (wizarding adult age). It's not a random thing, writing wise.
the only one triggered here is you for getting butthurt people dont agree with you and you half ass use of words. you HAVE to be brown of some nasty oily mixed frick. top fricking kek!
They were clearly more like Nazis than Bolsheviks. Not only are you autistic for taking that anon so seriously, you're also clearly a pathetic neo-Nazi edgelord doing damage control.
>They were clearly more like
Spoken like someone completely uneducated in how bolsheviks actually we're like.
2 years ago
Anonymous
>pale white >racial purists >fascist
You can do all the mental gymnastics and historical revisionism you want. Any sane person can tell which one, if any, the Death Eaters were allegorical to.
Harry, did I ever tell you about the time I made a team of a fat muggle we taught magic as a joke, a zookeeper, some cop and her hot sister to fight Grindlewald? He was kinda like wizard Hitler but he also wanted to stop Hitler, his face changed shape for some reason. We had a big fight although our series got cancelled 3 movies in, I was also gay with him but only off-screen. He was a good friend.
The first scene in the film is them meeting for coffee/tea and discussing their feelings for eachother and the necklace that Dumbledore wears around his arm because he's not into being strangled I guess. Also they never drink the drinks they order.
Then in like fifteen minutes Albus explains the necklace, again, to another character by thinking about betraying Grindelwald causing it to tighten around his arm.
tl;dr Yes. Quite possibly one of the dumbest films ever written. Rowling is a genuine moron.
She has sole writing credits "Fantastic Beasts 1 and 2" and is joined by veteran Harry Potter film screenplay writer Steve Knowles for "Fantastic Beasts 3"
>You must be joking. HP is a 5/10 series at best and only half the movies are worth watching IF youre a kid
welcome to nu-Cinemaphile half of whom are capeshit watchers, the other - cartoon/anime viewers, and almost all of both are from reddit
>first year at Hogwarts >witness that mudblood Hermione slapping my fellow Slytherin house member Draco >assemble my friends and tell them my plan of revenge
somehourslater.scroll >we stretch our legs in pursuit of Hermione >Hermione gets among her fellow house members outside >we're hiding in the distance behind some bushes so they can't see us
itstimetostrike.mp3 >drop out pants and with loud grunts we give birth to massive poops >we've been saving our poops for days >we complements eachother's poops before I aim my wand on mine >'TELEPORTUS' >we watch with glee as Hermione's face changes >she drops her pants as fast as lightning and crouches >her friends doesn't bat an eye as it's still practiced to defecate & evaporate >she's certainly pushing hard to get it out >just as Hermione let it go we teleport in another poop >we hear Hermione grunting loudly >her friends starts paying attention to her >she's clearly struggling as she's not used to pass poops of this magnitude and frequency >'TELEPORTUS!' >Hermione drops on all four with sweat forming on her forehead >we teleport the poops with such rapidness giving her no time to gather her thoughts >her friends' faces are mixed with confusion and disgust >we laugh as our revenge is done >Snape catches us
ohshit.portrait
1/2
>he looks over at Hermione, her violated butthole next to a pile of excrement >he drops his pants and shits >he then casts engorgeo on it >now it's easily twice as big as ours, both in girth and length >a quick glance and you could have mistaken it for a basilisk >he looks at us and tells us to watch this closely >he takes out his wand >'TELEPORTUS!' >Hermione stiffens up >her stomach actually bulges to even manage to store this inhumane poop >actually felt sorry for her for a moment >we watch as Hermione builds up strength to begin to pass this colossus >pretty much everyone has left her by this point >Hermione's legs and arms are trembling beneath her >she's definitely having the struggle of a lifetime >with each loud groan we see the crap move out an inch >it doesn't even break off >'I should cut back on the potions' Snape says >several intense minutes later it appears as if it's levitating out of Hermione's stretched anus >it's that solid >Hermione's shaking immensely now >with a last push it falls to the ground >so does Hermione out of exhaustion >'my job here is done' Snape says before stretching his legs to the dungeons >we can't help but stare at Hermione's ravaged arse >moments later we hear Dumbledore shout '500 points to Gryffindor' from a nearby window
2/2
>first year at Hogwarts >witness that mudblood Hermione slapping my fellow Slytherin house member Draco >assemble my friends and tell them my plan of revenge
somehourslater.scroll >we stretch our legs in pursuit of Hermione >Hermione gets among her fellow house members outside >we're hiding in the distance behind some bushes so they can't see us
itstimetostrike.mp3 >drop out pants and with loud grunts we give birth to massive poops >we've been saving our poops for days >we complements eachother's poops before I aim my wand on mine >'TELEPORTUS' >we watch with glee as Hermione's face changes >she drops her pants as fast as lightning and crouches >her friends doesn't bat an eye as it's still practiced to defecate & evaporate >she's certainly pushing hard to get it out >just as Hermione let it go we teleport in another poop >we hear Hermione grunting loudly >her friends starts paying attention to her >she's clearly struggling as she's not used to pass poops of this magnitude and frequency >'TELEPORTUS!' >Hermione drops on all four with sweat forming on her forehead >we teleport the poops with such rapidness giving her no time to gather her thoughts >her friends' faces are mixed with confusion and disgust >we laugh as our revenge is done >Snape catches us
ohshit.portrait
1/2
>he looks over at Hermione, her violated butthole next to a pile of excrement >he drops his pants and shits >he then casts engorgeo on it >now it's easily twice as big as ours, both in girth and length >a quick glance and you could have mistaken it for a basilisk >he looks at us and tells us to watch this closely >he takes out his wand >'TELEPORTUS!' >Hermione stiffens up >her stomach actually bulges to even manage to store this inhumane poop >actually felt sorry for her for a moment >we watch as Hermione builds up strength to begin to pass this colossus >pretty much everyone has left her by this point >Hermione's legs and arms are trembling beneath her >she's definitely having the struggle of a lifetime >with each loud groan we see the crap move out an inch >it doesn't even break off >'I should cut back on the potions' Snape says >several intense minutes later it appears as if it's levitating out of Hermione's stretched anus >it's that solid >Hermione's shaking immensely now >with a last push it falls to the ground >so does Hermione out of exhaustion >'my job here is done' Snape says before stretching his legs to the dungeons >we can't help but stare at Hermione's ravaged arse >moments later we hear Dumbledore shout '500 points to Gryffindor' from a nearby window
2/2
>he looks over at Hermione, her violated butthole next to a pile of excrement >he drops his pants and shits >he then casts engorgeo on it >now it's easily twice as big as ours, both in girth and length >a quick glance and you could have mistaken it for a basilisk >he looks at us and tells us to watch this closely >he takes out his wand >'TELEPORTUS!' >Hermione stiffens up >her stomach actually bulges to even manage to store this inhumane poop >actually felt sorry for her for a moment >we watch as Hermione builds up strength to begin to pass this colossus >pretty much everyone has left her by this point >Hermione's legs and arms are trembling beneath her >she's definitely having the struggle of a lifetime >with each loud groan we see the crap move out an inch >it doesn't even break off >'I should cut back on the potions' Snape says >several intense minutes later it appears as if it's levitating out of Hermione's stretched anus >it's that solid >Hermione's shaking immensely now >with a last push it falls to the ground >so does Hermione out of exhaustion >'my job here is done' Snape says before stretching his legs to the dungeons >we can't help but stare at Hermione's ravaged arse >moments later we hear Dumbledore shout '500 points to Gryffindor' from a nearby window
2/2
>he looks over at Hermione, her violated butthole next to a pile of excrement >he drops his pants and shits >he then casts engorgeo on it >now it's easily twice as big as ours, both in girth and length >a quick glance and you could have mistaken it for a basilisk >he looks at us and tells us to watch this closely >he takes out his wand >'TELEPORTUS!' >Hermione stiffens up >her stomach actually bulges to even manage to store this inhumane poop >actually felt sorry for her for a moment >we watch as Hermione builds up strength to begin to pass this colossus >pretty much everyone has left her by this point >Hermione's legs and arms are trembling beneath her >she's definitely having the struggle of a lifetime >with each loud groan we see the crap move out an inch >it doesn't even break off >'I should cut back on the potions' Snape says >several intense minutes later it appears as if it's levitating out of Hermione's stretched anus >it's that solid >Hermione's shaking immensely now >with a last push it falls to the ground >so does Hermione out of exhaustion >'my job here is done' Snape says before stretching his legs to the dungeons >we can't help but stare at Hermione's ravaged arse >moments later we hear Dumbledore shout '500 points to Gryffindor' from a nearby window
2/2
It didn't make sense in the book either. The whole plotline with the Half-Blood Prince's book had nothing to do with the main story of discovering Voldemort's Horcruxes or Draco's plot to kill Dumbledore
The books are, despite making no sense, despite Harry being as emotionally mature and capable as an autistic 10 year old because Rowling simply cant write boys, especially boys thoughts about romance, despite over-usage of terms like "doesnt it?", despite dropped plot points and convenient plot holes, etc etc, is still a solid 8/10 series. You cant argue against it.
The movies however range from uninspired to pathetic. 1 and 2 are decent, despite feeling rushed but thats to be expected
3 is overrated, 4 is so bad its not even funny, 5 and forward is dull grey awful shit, only Voldemort redeems them.
Yeah. The books suffer from woman syndrome really badly. It's sad because it could've been a perfect coming of age story, even keeping Hermione a strong deuteragonist.
>doesn't it?
what? how do you even notice something like this? is this the new 'stretched his legs'?
I fricking dare you to read the books again. Every single explanation ever made in the books has at least one 'Doesnt it, shouldnt it, wouldnt it, couldnt it, wasnt it, didnt it?' its so fricking jarring and you would have to be low IQ NOT to notice it.
>You cant argue against it.
Imagine being this emotionally stunted and uneducated, and having this little knowledge of the world's literature that not only that you THINK that Harry Potter is a 8/10 book series, but that one can not possibly argue against that assertion
>there's only one place well get all this...Diagon Alley! >I felt like I'd never be cheerful again >He was their friend! And he betrayed them >Who wants me to open it? D'ya want me to open it?
>>Who wants me to open it? D'ya want me to open it?
that frickin shit was awful
there was that scene in the 4th one where he wants to go to diagon alley using the magic teleportation but he says "diagonally" we get the joke that its diagon ally you dont have to rub it in our faces
>“Harry, did I ever tell you about my secret nephew Aurelius? He was an illegitimate half-muggle love child whom my family was ashamed of, so my mother (his grandmother) sailed to the United States with him as a baby, instead of his father or mother. When the ship started to sink (because it was the Titanic), an unrelated half-black daughter of a rapist mind control wizard switched him out with her half-brother (whose mother was consensual, and also white). The rapist wizard didn't care about the daughter, but he did love his son, and he was afraid that the daughter’s mother's other son (not born by rape) would be angry at his mother being mind control raped and take revenge on the baby instead of the rapist, so he sent the son he loved across the sea (on the Titanic) to be raised in an orphanage by a muggle who hated magic instead of using his vast resources as a nobleman wizard to protect him. Anyway, both babies just happened to be magic. My mother thought that her grandson was still on the Titanic, and felt so strongly about this secret shame child that she’d tried to abandon in America that she tried to swim down and rescue him and drowned instead of just using magic while the rape daughter watched and did nothing to inform her that her real son was already safe. She then gave my brother to a French half-elf servant who served the mother, and after the mother was raped and died in childbirth, that meant she had to continue serving the rapist, who thought he was the real son, and delivered him to the orphanage. My brother was then raised as a muggle who didn't know how to control his magic, destroyed half of New York, had sex with Voldemort's pet snake, pioneered goth fashion in the 1920s, killed Bambi, and joined a cult ruled by a gay wizard Nazi. By the way, don’t ask why they used a muggle boat instead of apparating or flying across the ocean. They were all good friends, except the rapist mind control wizard” he said calmly.
I remember the Jenny Nicolson video where she said that trying to spoil the twist in this movie would be basically impossible with how long it would take to explain.
Harry Potter is the dullest franchise. Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.
Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.
>a-at least the books were good though
"No!" The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."
I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.
Harry did I ever tell you about Salazar Slytherin who in the year 1000 AD hid the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets under a bathroom with 20th century plumbing so nobody would be able to find it? Quite the foresight had old Salazar.
i want to be tom riddle's homosexual sex slave so badly holy fricking shit. i wouldn't even care about him losing his nose. jesus christ crucio me please daddy.
honestly, adolf could frick me too. at the same time. there is nothing hotter than a powerful man with questionable morals who isn't afraid to do horrific shit to get what he wants.
i have actually jerk offd to hitler in the past. and also stalin.
honestly, adolf could frick me too. at the same time. there is nothing hotter than a powerful man with questionable morals who isn't afraid to do horrific shit to get what he wants.
i have actually jerk offd to hitler in the past. and also stalin.
the chamber of secrets was just a place for salazar to hide while he jerked off to prime mudblood dicky. why else do you think he'd put it in a school girl's bathroom?
>why else do you think he'd put it in a school girl's bathroom?
Because there's no place as desolate and as full of evil energies as a girls's bathroom?
>why else do you think he'd put it in a school girl's bathroom?
Because there's no place as desolate and as full of evil energies as a girls's bathroom?
If you recall, as stated by Rowling, wizards just shit their pants before adopting muggle plumbing in the late 1800's. The spot for the chamber wasn't always a bathroom.
Who took care of the plumbing anyway? House elves? Slitherin is lucky they told no one about the chamber, and not only that, they worked the entrace to it into a circle of thematically appropriate faucets.
>There would be no eulogies for Harry, no photographs of his body would be sold in sundries stores, no people would crowd the streets in the rain to see his funeral cortege, no biographies would be written about him, no children named after him, no one would ever pay twenty-five cents to stand in the rooms he grew up in. The wand would ignite, and Hermione would scream, but Harry Potter would only lay on his broom and look at the sky, the light going out of his eyes before he could find the right words.
How are the Weasleys poor? Wizards can create something out of nothing. They can create energy out of nothing. The laws of thermodynamics don't even apply. Scarcity should not exist in a world with magic, unless all the magicians are lazy. HP makes no sense.
They aren't muggle poor (i.e. homeless and starving), they're wizard poor which means they have everything they want and need except that which you can only buy from more experienced wizards, like new brooms, books, etc and have to g et them second hand.
>she knew the deal didn't she >All currency is owned by the ~~*goblins*~~ who only rent the coins to the wizards. Wizards don't actually own any of the money.
>Dumbledore was taking a stroll throughout a particularly narrow corridor of Hogwarts when he caught sight of Snape walking at a snail's pace in front of him. >"Why is he walking so fricking slow? Move! MOVE! JUST MOVE OVER YOU DISGUSTING LITTLE......C UCK THING!" Dumbledore thought calmly to himself. >Snape was unaware of the increasingly irritated headmaster behind him as he paused to begin descending down the stairwell. >"MERLINS BEARD COULD YOU POSSIBLY BE ANY SLOWER SIMPY? FRICKING MOOOOOOOOOVVVVVE!" Dumbledore shouted with his outdoor yelling voice before he kicked Snape down the stairs. > Snape's legs broke his fall, and subsequently fractured. He attempted to sit up but was knocked back down as Dumbledore swiftly jumped from the top of the stairs and onto Snapes broken, unstretchable legs. >"You slow-moving homosexual! Don't you DARE sluggishly stretch your legs in these inner corridors! If I catch you doing this again I will stretch my other wand into YOUR INNER CORRIDORS!"
>Oh, you may not think I'm pretty, >But don't judge on what you see, >I'll transition myself if you can find >A more gender-binary hat than me. >You can keep your dysphoria, >Your gender reassignment surgery, >For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Fedora >And I can tell you take HRT. >There's nothing hidden in your genes >The Sorting Hat can't see, >So try me on and I will tell you >That you're born with the gender you were meant to be! >So put me on! Don't be afraid! >And don't get your neovegana in a flap! >You're in a safe space (just kidding) >For I'm a Dead Naming Cap!
what did Jowling Kowling Rowling mean by this?
Don't listen to that anon. It's from a Harold Bloom review. >I went to the Yale University bookstore and bought and read a copy of "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone." I suffered a great deal in the process. The writing was dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs." I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times.
His fault for not noticing that none of the characters actually went for a walk. They were just literally stretching their legs. That's due to the old wooden chairs at Hogwarts regularly causing leg cramps.
His fault for not noticing that none of the characters actually went for a walk. They were just literally stretching their legs. That's due to the old wooden chairs at Hogwarts regularly causing leg cramps.
Out of curiosity I just found a text of the first book online and did ctrl F. Stretched legs is used a grand total of....once. In the first chapter. The word stretched appears a couple more times but only related to people lying down or reaching for something.
So what the flying frick was Bloom talking about with this dozens of marks? Did he just not read the book outside of skimming the first few pages or what?
That's what I searched for. Ten instances, only one of them related to stretching their legs, when Vernon in the very first chapter goes to the shop from work to get lunch. The rest are just times people were reaching or lying down, like Hermione putting up her hand for questions in class. I don't know where Bloom got the idea it's used even twice never mind supposedly dozens of times.
huh. Well, I guess Bloom is a hack and the whole stretched legs thing was based on bullshit the entire time. Some googling also gives me results that agree with you.
[...]
[...]
Out of curiosity I just found a text of the first book online and did ctrl F. Stretched legs is used a grand total of....once. In the first chapter. The word stretched appears a couple more times but only related to people lying down or reaching for something.
So what the flying frick was Bloom talking about with this dozens of marks? Did he just not read the book outside of skimming the first few pages or what?
>snooty literary critic throws out a smug "criticism" of a children's book that's popular, which turns out to be bogus
What a shocker
the non-book related cringe scenes began with the third movie but four had loads of them.
off the top of my head >three had the dumb shit happening on the knight bus with the jamaican shrunken head, also had a hogwarts choir scene which in hindsight was a lot better than most of the stuff in this thread
don't recall *any* in the first two movies
>Harry straight up murders Quirrell and watches him die which fricks with continuity since he should have been able to see Thestrals next year >The entirety of Goblet of Fire since the Director did not give a single shit about the source material, other people on set had to stop him from making moronic decisions like having the Dragon burn down the Forbidden Forest >Cutting out Dobby from both GOF and OOTP which makes the emotional payoff of Dobby's death in Deathly Hallows Part 1 not work >Also cuts out Sirius Black giving a mirror to Harry but includes scenes of Harry randomly pulling it out despite the fact that the audience wouldn't even know the significance of it
>Harry straight up murders Quirrell and watches him die which fricks with continuity since he should have been able to see Thestrals next year
Maybe it doesn't count as seeing death because Quirrell already had a "half-life" from drinking the unicorn blood?
Though he saw his parents die so he still should have been able to see the Thestrals, unless it doesn't count because he was a baby.
In the book he doesn't see Quirrell die, and furthermore his burning him doesn't quite cause his death, it's more Voldemort leaving his body after being bonded to him. Again, an issue only from the film where he straight up kills Quirrel.
I read most of the books as a kid and had a big hairy pothead phase, but I only remember having one or two vhs copies. I don’t think I’ve seen the movies. Should I watch them?
Yeah if you enjoyed the books and had a phase
Child acting in the earlier ones is meh and then the last few try too hard to be dark and edgy, but the world itself is still great and hogwarts is a comfy setting
Plus there's consistently HP threads on here every other day
>0:10 >Dumbledore halts the performance >"Would you mind not marking our thousand year old floor? I know it's only stone but it's gone this long being smooth and we'd like to keep it going"
>let's impress our hosts by damaging their dining room floor
there's no way they weren't aware of the effect those heavy staves would have, they themselves might practice on magically reinforced floors but surerly somebody would have stopped to think that maybe the hogwarts floors would be less so
So basically Goblet of Fire: The Thread?
I sort of enjoy it because of how bizarre it is, but it's completely off the walls.
The puzzle piece plot that's rather well constructed in the book is utterly butchered to the point of incomprehensibility. The editing and camerawork is way more strange and in your face. The acting is way over the top from across the cast. Everyone is incredibly hairy for some reason. The director was obviously a terrible fit for the material but by god did it result in a memorable trainwreck.
These films developed a serious problem with rushing any exposition in the climaxes. I don't know how you followed some of the plot if you only watched the films. In fact I know people didn't because I recall my dad having not a clue what happened in the climax of POA and very confused on GOF. I get that you don't want 10 minutes of infodumps, but rushing through these big scenes at the end just leaves the story confused. Like in POA, they never actually clearly impart the very pivotal information of >Peter Pettigrew betrayed the Potters' location to Voldemort, and had turned traitor some time beforehand, then framed Sirius for it before faking his death with an explosion, and that he, Sirius and James Potter were Animagi who learned it in secret at school so they could go around with Lupin as a werewolf. And they made the Marauder's Map. And Snape has a grudge specifically because Sirius deliberately sent him into the path of werewolf Lupin before James stopped him and saved his life, much to Snape's chagrin.
You can sort of glean parts of that from dialogue but the finer details are really brushed over in this whirlwind of dialogue. Then there's OOTP which never really explains the prophecy plot clearly at all.
Reminder wizards could cure all sorts of shit and were just letting the muggles die.
It wasn't the ragtag crew against the racial supremacists, it was the covert racial supremacists against the overt racial supremacists.
Life probably would have been better for der untermuggle under Wizard rule.
The classroom scene with Moody >WHICH OF YOU can tell me how many Unforgiveable Curses there are? >THREE SIR >And they are so named why? >BECAUSE THEY ARE UNFORGIVEABLE! THEUSEOFANYONEOFTHEMWILL- >Will earn you a one way ticket TO AZKABAN! *furiously scribbles on blackboard*
>Moody asks for the last Unforgiveable Curse >Hermione shakes her head like a wet dog, on the verge of tears for...some reason
Such a weird scene. So many weird scenes in that movie.
I do like the weird way Brendan Gleeson decided to hold his wand, he does it consistently throughout the film. Guess it was to look like he was holding a pen or scalpel.
HBP has a weird feel to it, drab in places yes but also ethereal and almost dreamlike in some scenes, like Ron out on the Quidditch field with the clarinet score lightening the mood to one of bucolic playfulness. The whole Felix felicis subplot, feels like a fever dream.
Also not sure anyone has mentioned the peak cringe from GoF when Ron is simping for Viktor when they get back to the tent. >He's like a bird the way he rides the wind >Viktor I love you, >Viktor I do. >Whenever we’re apart, >My heart beats only for you
I like how in the book, Ron buys a "living" Krum action figure who walks around and shit and after Krum gets with Hermione much later, Harry finds it lying under Ron's bed with it's head completely broken off.
Hermione was fricking her "penpal" Krum even after she got with her good boy Ron, guaranteed. Women absolutely despise weak cucks, even JK confirmed that their marriage is not a particularly happy one.
All arguments against it are actually supportive of it being a plot hole.
>UMMM ACTUALLY IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE UM HE WAS TOO YOUNG TO UNDERSTAND WHAT HE WAS SEEING
Yes, that's called a retcon, because rowling is a hack and didn't properly think about it. The carriages were just supposed to be magic and horseless until she had this "brilliant" idea.
Because the first book was going for a more Dahl style of children's book where such an over the top sort of thing would be brushed off. Later in the series as the tone shifted it started to come off as more out of place dark.
>The series is a 9/10
The only movie I would even consider a 9/10 would be Prisoner of Azkaban. Overall, it's a 7/10, certainly an accomplishment in cinema but some chapters like Half-Blood Prince were a complete mess.
GOF is the weirdest film, but it’s actually the weirdest book as well. So much odd shit is cut out of the film, stuff that never appears in any book again either. Don’t think Rowling had quite figured out how to do a bigger book yet/struggled with the transition to the latter half of the series
>The series is a 9/10 but had some dodgy scenes
I read 'This series had some 9/10 doggy scenes' and the thumbnail looks like Ronwith pigtails taking it in the ass
yeah that
HBP was such a fricking garbage film, they cut out all the interesting shit from the books then padded it out with garbage teen drama and stupid scenes like this.
>oh they're a magic band so all their lyrics must be about magical creatures and stuff
God that shit was awful. At least Deathly Hallows just had a slightly obscure existing song to pass off as a magical song:
thats not the HBP though
>HBP
>Harry B Potter
What did the B stand for?
Half-Blood Prince
Half blood prince was such a such a moronic plot twist
>as soon as the book is discovered, the readers will assume the half blood prince is voldemort
>harry is moronicly oblivious to this, should be super fricking wary after riddles diary in the 2nd book
>the most hermione does is complain that its not fair
>snape reveals he was the half blood prince
>would be shocking but um no, we've all known the half blood prince was someone like that from the very beginning
>also he had just killed dumbledore so it was like the least important or impactdul revelation ever - like if you shoot someone in the face only to reveal to the shocked onlookers that you were the one who ate the final slice of cake without paying at the church fete
Why would Voldemort name himself a half-blood prince when he hid that even from his followers and pretended he was pureblood out of shame?
>harry is moronicly oblivious to this, should be super fricking wary after riddles diary in the 2nd book
There's a bit of a difference between a magical diary that talks to you and a potions book with some tips scribbled in the margins. Harry doesn't see a negative side til he sees firsthand a spell written in the book was incredibly vicious and violent.
half blood prince is by far the weakest movie.
its focused mostly on teen drama instead of voldemorts backstory
It does however havce my fav moment
I honestly think the cave scene is the only reason why morons here rate the movie so highly.
>explosions outside
>"Sounds like the Irish have got their pride on"
jesus christ Rowling
>bulgarian mascots are hot magical women
>irish mascots are literally leprechauns
IRA come get JK
big black wiener
no such thing, ebony sissy
Bane
It's a typo.
I see what you did there homer
Lmfao
Harry b***h-ass-homie Potter
Botter
Harry Barry Parry
Barry
kek
>HBP was such a fricking garbage film, they cut out all the interesting shit from the books then padded it out with garbage teen drama and stupid scenes like this.
The teen drama is from the book.
The teen drama is a side-plot to the major plot points of Voldemort's backstory and the horcruxes (which is almost entirely excised except for when Dumbledore first met him and Slughorn's memory), and the Half Blood Prince, which is only mentioned 3 times in the entire film.
kek
you're on crack HBP is the best one by a mile
it's also the best book because it set off so much seething from different parts of the fanbase
>the seething over "canon" ships
>the divide over the tone/content of the book
>the dumbledore dies spoiler shitshow
it causes ass pain to this day
Looks like Ed Westwick
Why did they tease Hermione x Harry in DHP1?
I thought this was a fun sequence, whatever
It was. Still cringe though.
This was hard to watch still have to fast forward the tape past this scene
You're literally too autstic to be cool. And not normie cool, but be so racist you fix society cool. I'm gonna do the hippogrif you loser. Be stronger.
jarvis wienerer does nothing but make cringe anyway
HAHAHAHA LOOK HOW SMALL THAT GUY IS
DO THE HECKIN HIPPOGRIFF DOOD
The cringe is unbearable. I want to like these movies, but they just won't let me.
That scene where Ron goes looking for Hermiony to confess to her and finds the stagecoach she's in and as he gets closer he hears her moaning and rapid thuds against the wall. Then the window flies open and we get to see her breasts flap around as Crumb pulls on her hair as he rails her. She notices Ron but doesn't care and he slumps to the ground and starts jerking off while crying. Was a terrible scene because Ron lasts like 10 seconds and then it cuts back to that fricking Dwarf being thrown out of a window.
Top kek
>Jesus harry haha how the FRICK do doors work? Do muggles just spin that metal thing and it OPENS? haha
>Harry wtf is that lolol is it like a hippogryph but it has a long dog face with a big neck and no wings wtf is that harry lol looks like an incomplete centaur
>HARRY HAHAHA is that a little stick with ink inside that you don't have to dip in the ink every time you write????? Fricking wacky lol
>Also here's this band with electric guitars, a stand microphone and some amplifiers, everything runs on 220v
Honestly the only reasonable explanation is those guys are an actual muggle band that was kidnapped and imperio'd to perform because of popular demand by the students.
They wrote the lyrics in a hurry and just put whatever magical shit they read about on the library while high on Whomping Weed
I like it
kek
modern classic
*Slytherins
>talk to somebody who is a self described 'slytherin'
>clearly a gay as frick hufflepuff
every time
You're my army you dweebs. Will someone PLEASE put all of the Dumbeldore voocaroos on a single 20-30 minute long youtube video. Or if there's already some link like that that directs me to them, give me them.
Could someone at least post the gas chamber of secrets one? I lost it.
Is it this one?
>you too, Snape
Never watched it never wanted to
lucky.
Yeah. No this was kino tho
One of the few well-delivered kino moments in the series.
>The series is a 9/10
I remember if Voldemort being a cringekino villain was down to that homosexual Yates or if he was shit in Goblet of FIYAH also
>or if he was shit in Goblet of FIYAH also
He still jobbed to Harry's wand
Anything involving cheap early 2000s CGI. Which is pretty much 90% of it.
Not really no.
Also cringe
This was a great scene anon.
the cum rag elves
Ron grew up with a disgusting fan man impersonating a rat living with him, sleeping with him, bathing with him, sharing food, watching him have his first faps, all while his brothers saw it on the marauder's map and said nothing. That's pretty dodgy.
Wonder how often Petigrew spied on Ginny.
Putting shoes back on Luna Lovegood
Hated how this shit went from whimsical wizarding school to full edgelord. I literally laughed out loud when Harry's owl exploded for no reason really. Also that scene where the Nazis are sitting around the table while that autistic teacher begs for her life while getting eaten by the snake, I mean come the frick on
hegwig dies??
It's never clear in the movies, she just looks like she got injured and then we never see her again.
That was in the movie, in the books they recognize it's him based on his spells because he's the only one who only uses disarming spells and doesn't try to harm his opponents.
>in the books they recognize it's him based on his spells because he's the only one who only uses disarming spells and doesn't try to harm his opponents.
Most kino part of the book series tbqh. Harry getting chewed out for using fricking expeliarmus as everyone's getting killing curses flung at them
He used disarm because he saw the person after him was just Stan Shunpike under the Imperius curse as disposable forces, using a Stunning spell would have killed him given they were a hundred feet in the air on broomsticks
It's even more anticlimactic than Bane's death.
What the frick were they thinking? Spent the entire movie building him up as a god the had him get blasted off screen when Catwoman Mary sues her way through a brick wall at the last second to the exact place where batman was. Kept expecting him to return later but I guess he just dies for real somehow
Why would his pet owl's death be climactic?
It gets blasted by that death spell. It flies in front of Harry to save him.
Yeah, it gets zapped in Deathly Hallows when they're taking Harry away from the Dursleys for the last time. And I don't know if they mentioned it in the film but in the book it did serve a purpose: Hedwig is quite distinctive, being a snowy owl, and when the Death Eaters recognised it they realised that the Harry they were chasing was the real one and summoned Voldemort.
Rowling just didn't want to keep writing about an owl while they traveled the countryside
that't not quite right; in the book each of the decoy potters also has a decoy fake hedwig.
Couldn't he have... Just sent Hedwig to anywhere else? If I had a magically intelligent pet that could fly and knows exactly where to go all the time, I'd tell her to go be a free owl. It would've been a more bittersweet parting if Harry set her free. Or he could've given her the Dursleys and said to Dudley, "Thanks for looking after her" and Dudley replies with sadness and worry for his cousin in his tone, "Make sure you come back for your stupid bird, Potter". Would've been a kino scene of Dudley showing some care, growing out of his selfish hatred and finally realising his cousin is at a very real risk of dying.
They actually had a good Dudley scene, but they cut it out of the film.
why is dudley acting like a complete sperg
Always has. It's lazy writing to make Harry look the only normal one in the family.
yeah but that scene was the worst of it. the way he walks and keeps looking back at harry gives the impression that he either has severe autism or that he wants to have gay sex with harry.
I think you might be the one with autism. He's awkward because he's a teenager who's been a macho guy and a spoiled kid all his life who's only recently become self-aware about what a shit he was, trying to get across to someone he had a fractured often antagonistic relationship with that he's both sorry for the years of bullying behaviour and that he respects him. It's pretty solidly acted to me. He even does that little hand snap that teens did back in the late 2000s in UK and Ireland.
Didn't Dudley become [extra] moronic after half his soul got sucked out by dementors?
The opposite, it jumpstarted a gradual turn for him out of the spoiled bully mindset he'd had all his life.
Wtf all those scenes are fricking kino
Should've cut the scenes of them wandering around in empty forests for half the movie instead
In the book the others disguised as Harry also have a fake snowy owl in a cage. They recognize him based on him using a disarming charm instead of something more potentially lethal (even a stunning spell would be given they're hundreds of feet in the air at that point and whoever was stunned would fall to their death).
Also Hedwig dying is supposed to mark his childhood's end, as it's on his 17th birthday and everything (wizarding adult age). It's not a random thing, writing wise.
Also so they can't easily contact anyone while trapsing around the country side.
>owl exploded for no reason
it got shot with a spell, it didn't just combust
>nazis
Fricking have a nice day. They were more like bolsheviks than anything.
It was a joke you triggered little b***h
the only one triggered here is you for getting butthurt people dont agree with you and you half ass use of words. you HAVE to be brown of some nasty oily mixed frick. top fricking kek!
They were clearly more like Nazis than Bolsheviks. Not only are you autistic for taking that anon so seriously, you're also clearly a pathetic neo-Nazi edgelord doing damage control.
>They were clearly more like
Spoken like someone completely uneducated in how bolsheviks actually we're like.
>pale white
>racial purists
>fascist
You can do all the mental gymnastics and historical revisionism you want. Any sane person can tell which one, if any, the Death Eaters were allegorical to.
Harry, did I ever tell you about the time I made a team of a fat muggle we taught magic as a joke, a zookeeper, some cop and her hot sister to fight Grindlewald? He was kinda like wizard Hitler but he also wanted to stop Hitler, his face changed shape for some reason. We had a big fight although our series got cancelled 3 movies in, I was also gay with him but only off-screen. He was a good friend.
>We both put our wizard blood into this necklace that can sense when whichever one is wearing it is mentally betraying the other
gaaaaay
Wait is that really what they went with? How embarrassing
The first scene in the film is them meeting for coffee/tea and discussing their feelings for eachother and the necklace that Dumbledore wears around his arm because he's not into being strangled I guess. Also they never drink the drinks they order.
Then in like fifteen minutes Albus explains the necklace, again, to another character by thinking about betraying Grindelwald causing it to tighten around his arm.
tl;dr Yes. Quite possibly one of the dumbest films ever written. Rowling is a genuine moron.
I think she's completely hands off other than some initial worldbuilding.
She has sole writing credits "Fantastic Beasts 1 and 2" and is joined by veteran Harry Potter film screenplay writer Steve Knowles for "Fantastic Beasts 3"
But why is it dumb? It's fitting for their characters.
That sentence sums up the mental state of Harry Potter fangirls perfectly.
>oh yeah and there was this brown guy too but no one really cares about him.
KEK
Who ages worse, Dumbledore or Obi-Wan?
the dumbledore aging is much less believable
hair can go grey in 10 years easy
it takes a while to get wrinkly
>9/10
You must be joking. HP is a 5/10 series at best and only half the movies are worth watching IF youre a kid
>You must be joking. HP is a 5/10 series at best and only half the movies are worth watching IF youre a kid
welcome to nu-Cinemaphile half of whom are capeshit watchers, the other - cartoon/anime viewers, and almost all of both are from reddit
Why aren't you the army right now
That fricking image kek
It would have been better it Draco killed Harry then had 'forceful' sex with Hermione while Ron watched and cried. Also, Dobby cucking Ron's dad.
Someone should've told Ron that he'll never be a woman. That would've made it better.
Ron was robbed of his character, tbf. They stole his lines and gave it to Hermione, or even completely cut them.
prisoner of azkaban is great but sadly cuaron couldn't make the actors good. lot of scenes in that film are let down by those kids.
>first year at Hogwarts
>witness that mudblood Hermione slapping my fellow Slytherin house member Draco
>assemble my friends and tell them my plan of revenge
somehourslater.scroll
>we stretch our legs in pursuit of Hermione
>Hermione gets among her fellow house members outside
>we're hiding in the distance behind some bushes so they can't see us
itstimetostrike.mp3
>drop out pants and with loud grunts we give birth to massive poops
>we've been saving our poops for days
>we complements eachother's poops before I aim my wand on mine
>'TELEPORTUS'
>we watch with glee as Hermione's face changes
>she drops her pants as fast as lightning and crouches
>her friends doesn't bat an eye as it's still practiced to defecate & evaporate
>she's certainly pushing hard to get it out
>just as Hermione let it go we teleport in another poop
>we hear Hermione grunting loudly
>her friends starts paying attention to her
>she's clearly struggling as she's not used to pass poops of this magnitude and frequency
>'TELEPORTUS!'
>Hermione drops on all four with sweat forming on her forehead
>we teleport the poops with such rapidness giving her no time to gather her thoughts
>her friends' faces are mixed with confusion and disgust
>we laugh as our revenge is done
>Snape catches us
ohshit.portrait
1/2
>he looks over at Hermione, her violated butthole next to a pile of excrement
>he drops his pants and shits
>he then casts engorgeo on it
>now it's easily twice as big as ours, both in girth and length
>a quick glance and you could have mistaken it for a basilisk
>he looks at us and tells us to watch this closely
>he takes out his wand
>'TELEPORTUS!'
>Hermione stiffens up
>her stomach actually bulges to even manage to store this inhumane poop
>actually felt sorry for her for a moment
>we watch as Hermione builds up strength to begin to pass this colossus
>pretty much everyone has left her by this point
>Hermione's legs and arms are trembling beneath her
>she's definitely having the struggle of a lifetime
>with each loud groan we see the crap move out an inch
>it doesn't even break off
>'I should cut back on the potions' Snape says
>several intense minutes later it appears as if it's levitating out of Hermione's stretched anus
>it's that solid
>Hermione's shaking immensely now
>with a last push it falls to the ground
>so does Hermione out of exhaustion
>'my job here is done' Snape says before stretching his legs to the dungeons
>we can't help but stare at Hermione's ravaged arse
>moments later we hear Dumbledore shout '500 points to Gryffindor' from a nearby window
2/2
Nice one
bravo. i could read another 100 posts of this.
> >moments later we hear Dumbledore shout '500 points to Gryffindor' from a nearby window
KEK
I have discovered a new fetish
vile
This is canon
I don't get why Snape being Half Blooded Prince was treated like a huge twist in the flick. It left zero impact whatsoever
It didn't make sense in the book either. The whole plotline with the Half-Blood Prince's book had nothing to do with the main story of discovering Voldemort's Horcruxes or Draco's plot to kill Dumbledore
>The series is a 9/10
The books are, despite making no sense, despite Harry being as emotionally mature and capable as an autistic 10 year old because Rowling simply cant write boys, especially boys thoughts about romance, despite over-usage of terms like "doesnt it?", despite dropped plot points and convenient plot holes, etc etc, is still a solid 8/10 series. You cant argue against it.
The movies however range from uninspired to pathetic. 1 and 2 are decent, despite feeling rushed but thats to be expected
3 is overrated, 4 is so bad its not even funny, 5 and forward is dull grey awful shit, only Voldemort redeems them.
>1 and 2 are decent, despite feeling rushed but thats to be expected
2 is also where Emma Watson peaked.
I think you're overrating the books, and they did make a billion dollars, but they kind of suck. I never made it to 5 because 4 was pretty terrible.
Yeah. The books suffer from woman syndrome really badly. It's sad because it could've been a perfect coming of age story, even keeping Hermione a strong deuteragonist.
>"doesnt it?"
Whats wrong with this? Its not like she used it billions of times.
I fricking dare you to read the books again. Every single explanation ever made in the books has at least one 'Doesnt it, shouldnt it, wouldnt it, couldnt it, wasnt it, didnt it?' its so fricking jarring and you would have to be low IQ NOT to notice it.
Movies 1-4 are fine. It went way downhill at 5 when they cut out huge chunks of the book.
"No!"
>doesn't it?
what? how do you even notice something like this? is this the new 'stretched his legs'?
>You cant argue against it.
Imagine being this emotionally stunted and uneducated, and having this little knowledge of the world's literature that not only that you THINK that Harry Potter is a 8/10 book series, but that one can not possibly argue against that assertion
god I love the harry potter movies
just something about them...
>there's only one place well get all this...Diagon Alley!
>I felt like I'd never be cheerful again
>He was their friend! And he betrayed them
>Who wants me to open it? D'ya want me to open it?
>>Who wants me to open it? D'ya want me to open it?
that frickin shit was awful
there was that scene in the 4th one where he wants to go to diagon alley using the magic teleportation but he says "diagonally" we get the joke that its diagon ally you dont have to rub it in our faces
>Diagon Alley - Diagonally
>Knockturn Alley - Nocturnally
>Grimmauld Place - Grim Old Place
BRAVO
tbf at least Grimmauld isn't nearly as obvious as the alleys are.
Oh, I always thought the Knockturn thing was a reference to how crooked (shady) and cramped and dangerous everything was there.
That’s more likely
It's both. You can be playful with puns and meanings at the same time.
unironically bravo on the knockturn alley, i didn't notice that one >.>
>Who wants me to open it? D'ya want me to open it?
What's that from
4th movie. After he gets the fake dragon egg he asks that during the party in the common room
>Who wants me to open it? D'ya want me to open it?
What's wrong with that?
all the yates films were bad
>“Harry, did I ever tell you about my secret nephew Aurelius? He was an illegitimate half-muggle love child whom my family was ashamed of, so my mother (his grandmother) sailed to the United States with him as a baby, instead of his father or mother. When the ship started to sink (because it was the Titanic), an unrelated half-black daughter of a rapist mind control wizard switched him out with her half-brother (whose mother was consensual, and also white). The rapist wizard didn't care about the daughter, but he did love his son, and he was afraid that the daughter’s mother's other son (not born by rape) would be angry at his mother being mind control raped and take revenge on the baby instead of the rapist, so he sent the son he loved across the sea (on the Titanic) to be raised in an orphanage by a muggle who hated magic instead of using his vast resources as a nobleman wizard to protect him. Anyway, both babies just happened to be magic. My mother thought that her grandson was still on the Titanic, and felt so strongly about this secret shame child that she’d tried to abandon in America that she tried to swim down and rescue him and drowned instead of just using magic while the rape daughter watched and did nothing to inform her that her real son was already safe. She then gave my brother to a French half-elf servant who served the mother, and after the mother was raped and died in childbirth, that meant she had to continue serving the rapist, who thought he was the real son, and delivered him to the orphanage. My brother was then raised as a muggle who didn't know how to control his magic, destroyed half of New York, had sex with Voldemort's pet snake, pioneered goth fashion in the 1920s, killed Bambi, and joined a cult ruled by a gay wizard Nazi. By the way, don’t ask why they used a muggle boat instead of apparating or flying across the ocean. They were all good friends, except the rapist mind control wizard” he said calmly.
Needs a "stretched his legs" somewhere, but otherwise 10/10
>a French half-elf servant
Wait, what? Half-elves are a thing now in Harry Potter? How the frick does that work? And do I even want to know?
I mean it only stands to reason female house elves would get violently raped all the time and love every seconds of it, being a servile race and all.
I only saw 1 and 3 so I was very confused
The brothers in the second half need to be changed to nephew.
I remember the Jenny Nicolson video where she said that trying to spoil the twist in this movie would be basically impossible with how long it would take to explain.
only a terf could right this shit
Harry Potter is the dullest franchise. Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.
Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.
>a-at least the books were good though
"No!" The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."
I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.
why did she stop spielberg from directing the movies?
>why did she stop spielberg from directing the movies?
Dunno, maybe she wanted a director with an actual artistic vision instead of a formula?
oh wait is this a subtle version of DEH? well my question still stands
Laziest attempt I've ever seen
newbie
Harry did I ever tell you about Salazar Slytherin who in the year 1000 AD hid the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets under a bathroom with 20th century plumbing so nobody would be able to find it? Quite the foresight had old Salazar.
What did the basilisk eat?
Maybe it can hibernate for centuries, but when Tom reawakened the snake it must have eaten something?
What?
Kids?
Myrtle?
There are bones in the chamber, it ate animals. Magic animals? It is a snake hatched from a chicken egg, it’s also magic.
i want to be tom riddle's homosexual sex slave so badly holy fricking shit. i wouldn't even care about him losing his nose. jesus christ crucio me please daddy.
honestly, adolf could frick me too. at the same time. there is nothing hotter than a powerful man with questionable morals who isn't afraid to do horrific shit to get what he wants.
i have actually jerk offd to hitler in the past. and also stalin.
i see. you are very deranged person.
dress up in a lord voldemort cosplay and then call me that again
But what about Stalin and Hitler double teaming you
>T-those digits
female bathroom
very important
the chamber of secrets was just a place for salazar to hide while he jerked off to prime mudblood dicky. why else do you think he'd put it in a school girl's bathroom?
>why else do you think he'd put it in a school girl's bathroom?
Because there's no place as desolate and as full of evil energies as a girls's bathroom?
If you recall, as stated by Rowling, wizards just shit their pants before adopting muggle plumbing in the late 1800's. The spot for the chamber wasn't always a bathroom.
Who took care of the plumbing anyway? House elves? Slitherin is lucky they told no one about the chamber, and not only that, they worked the entrace to it into a circle of thematically appropriate faucets.
Maybe each house did it's own plumbing?
That bath room doesn't belong to any of the houses though. It's public.
The bathroom wasn't built until 1950. Before that wizards shit on the floor and accioed it away.
>fricking up the pasta
>tfw its the best day of the week
>series is a 9/10
lol, how old are you? 12?
The final shot of Prisoner of Azkaban is the worst ending frame ever made in the history of movies.
>There would be no eulogies for Harry, no photographs of his body would be sold in sundries stores, no people would crowd the streets in the rain to see his funeral cortege, no biographies would be written about him, no children named after him, no one would ever pay twenty-five cents to stand in the rooms he grew up in. The wand would ignite, and Hermione would scream, but Harry Potter would only lay on his broom and look at the sky, the light going out of his eyes before he could find the right words.
What was Cuaron thinking?
Wow I watched this for the first time yesterday. Actual kino.
This was seriously so baffling, because all the other cinematography in this movie was leagues above the rest of the series'.
he asked calmly.
How are the Weasleys poor? Wizards can create something out of nothing. They can create energy out of nothing. The laws of thermodynamics don't even apply. Scarcity should not exist in a world with magic, unless all the magicians are lazy. HP makes no sense.
They aren't muggle poor (i.e. homeless and starving), they're wizard poor which means they have everything they want and need except that which you can only buy from more experienced wizards, like new brooms, books, etc and have to g et them second hand.
You cant make food or money in HP lore. "Gamps Law".
>even in a post-scarcity world the economy is driven by currency exchange run by ((goblins))
she knew the deal didn't she
>she knew the deal didn't she
>All currency is owned by the ~~*goblins*~~ who only rent the coins to the wizards. Wizards don't actually own any of the money.
I would say she does.
In Anglo countries nobody likes rich people so Rowling made Ron poor to make him more likeable.
His dad is a fricking moron, which is apparently still an impediment to success even in the wizarding world.
Seven kids and Arthur is poorly paid at his post in the Ministry while being very overworked.
What did Rowling mean by this?
my favorite character was Padraig O'Carbomb
harry potter is dead
eh heh heehhhh
The entire last two books/movies sucked because the plot ditches the castle which is the best character in the series
>puts all the evil kids in the same group
>echo chamber
>is surprised 99% of villains come from this house
????
Is dumbeldore actually dim?
>Dumbledore was taking a stroll throughout a particularly narrow corridor of Hogwarts when he caught sight of Snape walking at a snail's pace in front of him.
>"Why is he walking so fricking slow? Move! MOVE! JUST MOVE OVER YOU DISGUSTING LITTLE......C UCK THING!" Dumbledore thought calmly to himself.
>Snape was unaware of the increasingly irritated headmaster behind him as he paused to begin descending down the stairwell.
>"MERLINS BEARD COULD YOU POSSIBLY BE ANY SLOWER SIMPY? FRICKING MOOOOOOOOOVVVVVE!" Dumbledore shouted with his outdoor yelling voice before he kicked Snape down the stairs.
> Snape's legs broke his fall, and subsequently fractured. He attempted to sit up but was knocked back down as Dumbledore swiftly jumped from the top of the stairs and onto Snapes broken, unstretchable legs.
>"You slow-moving homosexual! Don't you DARE sluggishly stretch your legs in these inner corridors! If I catch you doing this again I will stretch my other wand into YOUR INNER CORRIDORS!"
>as Dumbledore swiftly jumped from the top of the stairs and onto Snapes broken, unstretchable legs.
the frick? that was not the image i selected
>Snape's legs broke his fall, and subsequently fractured
Fricking kek this is how she actually writes too
>why yes, I hate all things popular and successful. How could you tell?
antifa domestic terrorist wojak
troony!
troony in the girls bathroom!
>Oh, you may not think I'm pretty,
>But don't judge on what you see,
>I'll transition myself if you can find
>A more gender-binary hat than me.
>You can keep your dysphoria,
>Your gender reassignment surgery,
>For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Fedora
>And I can tell you take HRT.
>There's nothing hidden in your genes
>The Sorting Hat can't see,
>So try me on and I will tell you
>That you're born with the gender you were meant to be!
>So put me on! Don't be afraid!
>And don't get your neovegana in a flap!
>You're in a safe space (just kidding)
>For I'm a Dead Naming Cap!
what did Jowling Kowling Rowling mean by this?
Anything from Deh! trolley?
>The series is a 9/10
LMAO
David Yates was and still is a fricking mistake.
dude what if everything was drab and wands were just guns?
when the foreign guys show up in the goblet of fire made me cringe so hard as a kid I faked a bathroom break when I was seeing it with my grandpa
Where does the stretch your legs meme come from?
Rowling uses it several times in the books; when a character goes for a walk, they're going to "stretch their legs."
Isn't it a common phrase?
Cite them.
Don't listen to that anon. It's from a Harold Bloom review.
>I went to the Yale University bookstore and bought and read a copy of "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone." I suffered a great deal in the process. The writing was dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs." I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times.
His fault for not noticing that none of the characters actually went for a walk. They were just literally stretching their legs. That's due to the old wooden chairs at Hogwarts regularly causing leg cramps.
>That's due to the old wooden chairs at Hogwarts regularly causing leg cramps.
Why didn't they just use anti-leg-cramp spells?
action points regen faster than mp points.
Out of curiosity I just found a text of the first book online and did ctrl F. Stretched legs is used a grand total of....once. In the first chapter. The word stretched appears a couple more times but only related to people lying down or reaching for something.
So what the flying frick was Bloom talking about with this dozens of marks? Did he just not read the book outside of skimming the first few pages or what?
What about "stretch"?
captcha: NYGGR
That's what I searched for. Ten instances, only one of them related to stretching their legs, when Vernon in the very first chapter goes to the shop from work to get lunch. The rest are just times people were reaching or lying down, like Hermione putting up her hand for questions in class. I don't know where Bloom got the idea it's used even twice never mind supposedly dozens of times.
huh. Well, I guess Bloom is a hack and the whole stretched legs thing was based on bullshit the entire time. Some googling also gives me results that agree with you.
I remember doing this a while back too. Bloom saw it once and sperged out and exaggerated.
>snooty literary critic throws out a smug "criticism" of a children's book that's popular, which turns out to be bogus
What a shocker
>He was raised as an Orthodox israelite in a Yiddish-speaking household
No surprise there.
i thought the quasi-nude scene with harry and hermione was hot
This whole scene by far. Made even worse by the fact that it's not even in the books.
the non-book related cringe scenes began with the third movie but four had loads of them.
off the top of my head
>three had the dumb shit happening on the knight bus with the jamaican shrunken head, also had a hogwarts choir scene which in hindsight was a lot better than most of the stuff in this thread
don't recall *any* in the first two movies
>Harry straight up murders Quirrell and watches him die which fricks with continuity since he should have been able to see Thestrals next year
>The entirety of Goblet of Fire since the Director did not give a single shit about the source material, other people on set had to stop him from making moronic decisions like having the Dragon burn down the Forbidden Forest
>Cutting out Dobby from both GOF and OOTP which makes the emotional payoff of Dobby's death in Deathly Hallows Part 1 not work
>Also cuts out Sirius Black giving a mirror to Harry but includes scenes of Harry randomly pulling it out despite the fact that the audience wouldn't even know the significance of it
>Harry straight up murders Quirrell and watches him die which fricks with continuity since he should have been able to see Thestrals next year
Maybe it doesn't count as seeing death because Quirrell already had a "half-life" from drinking the unicorn blood?
Though he saw his parents die so he still should have been able to see the Thestrals, unless it doesn't count because he was a baby.
In the book he doesn't see Quirrell die, and furthermore his burning him doesn't quite cause his death, it's more Voldemort leaving his body after being bonded to him. Again, an issue only from the film where he straight up kills Quirrel.
Never got into the series, but why is there a femboy Ron?
I read most of the books as a kid and had a big hairy pothead phase, but I only remember having one or two vhs copies. I don’t think I’ve seen the movies. Should I watch them?
Yeah if you enjoyed the books and had a phase
Child acting in the earlier ones is meh and then the last few try too hard to be dark and edgy, but the world itself is still great and hogwarts is a comfy setting
Plus there's consistently HP threads on here every other day
There it is
>0:10
>Dumbledore halts the performance
>"Would you mind not marking our thousand year old floor? I know it's only stone but it's gone this long being smooth and we'd like to keep it going"
>let's impress our hosts by damaging their dining room floor
there's no way they weren't aware of the effect those heavy staves would have, they themselves might practice on magically reinforced floors but surerly somebody would have stopped to think that maybe the hogwarts floors would be less so
It might have been if Draco had been a real girl.
You mean a trans girl
So basically Goblet of Fire: The Thread?
I sort of enjoy it because of how bizarre it is, but it's completely off the walls.
The puzzle piece plot that's rather well constructed in the book is utterly butchered to the point of incomprehensibility. The editing and camerawork is way more strange and in your face. The acting is way over the top from across the cast. Everyone is incredibly hairy for some reason. The director was obviously a terrible fit for the material but by god did it result in a memorable trainwreck.
the year it was filmed was a weird blip where every young guy had long hair. I remember that year but I've never seen anyone comment on it
Really? I feel like the most memorable part of that movie is how every character has hair like their mom in the 70s.
The director specifically told all the young cast to not get a haircut in the run up to filming so he wanted them all with long hair for some reason.
THE CHINESE FIREBALL OOOHHH
oooooooooooooooooooo
YYYOU HAFF NO BUZINESS HERE
DIS TENT IS FOR CHAMPIONS.....
......AND FRIENDS.
why is magic Hitler and Rasputin in there? And why was Hitler acting so goofy all the time?
>Worst Harry Potter moments
every single seconds of the entire serie
These films developed a serious problem with rushing any exposition in the climaxes. I don't know how you followed some of the plot if you only watched the films. In fact I know people didn't because I recall my dad having not a clue what happened in the climax of POA and very confused on GOF. I get that you don't want 10 minutes of infodumps, but rushing through these big scenes at the end just leaves the story confused. Like in POA, they never actually clearly impart the very pivotal information of
>Peter Pettigrew betrayed the Potters' location to Voldemort, and had turned traitor some time beforehand, then framed Sirius for it before faking his death with an explosion, and that he, Sirius and James Potter were Animagi who learned it in secret at school so they could go around with Lupin as a werewolf. And they made the Marauder's Map. And Snape has a grudge specifically because Sirius deliberately sent him into the path of werewolf Lupin before James stopped him and saved his life, much to Snape's chagrin.
You can sort of glean parts of that from dialogue but the finer details are really brushed over in this whirlwind of dialogue. Then there's OOTP which never really explains the prophecy plot clearly at all.
Can someone explain how this literal who got to direct such a massive franchise?
The fact that it was a massive franchise meant they could pay literal who money for the director and not affect the box office.
Even so, this guy was so obscure he must have sucked a circumcised wiener or two to get the gig.
all the cringe would have been bearable if they kept it for kids without edgy shit
notice how no one itc calls hp1 & 2 cringe
Reminder wizards could cure all sorts of shit and were just letting the muggles die.
It wasn't the ragtag crew against the racial supremacists, it was the covert racial supremacists against the overt racial supremacists.
Life probably would have been better for der untermuggle under Wizard rule.
Everyone constantly screaming and ranting out their lines in GoF. It's not just Dumbledore. Everyone is on cocaine in that movie.
>you're going to be doing some lines for me today mr. potter
excellent post
The classroom scene with Moody
>WHICH OF YOU can tell me how many Unforgiveable Curses there are?
>THREE SIR
>And they are so named why?
>BECAUSE THEY ARE UNFORGIVEABLE! THEUSEOFANYONEOFTHEMWILL-
>Will earn you a one way ticket TO AZKABAN! *furiously scribbles on blackboard*
Thanks for that incredible insight too Hermione.
>because zey are VERBOTEN
>JA
>10 points to Dusseldorf
Kek
>SSSSTTTTOOOP IT! CAN'TYOUSEIT'SBOOOTHHEREINGHIIIM!?
Emma Watson was wretched in this film
That b***h needs to apologize
I know, I was shaking when I heard about her car, and punched my cat when I heard she wouldn’t apologise about it.
>Moody asks for the last Unforgiveable Curse
>Hermione shakes her head like a wet dog, on the verge of tears for...some reason
Such a weird scene. So many weird scenes in that movie.
she's a girl, and as such has been imperio'd by professor flitwick on many occasions
>on the train to Hogwarts
>It's your scaaar isn't it? *wiggles eyebrows madly*
I do like the weird way Brendan Gleeson decided to hold his wand, he does it consistently throughout the film. Guess it was to look like he was holding a pen or scalpel.
Right after the professional Quidtich match and I realized they totally fricked up the 4th movie after doing a great job with the first 3.
>every movie hammers us over the head with how Hogwarts is Harry's real home
>but he doesn't go back to finish his 7th year
He does, after DH. Destroying Voldemort's horcruxes was a more important mission than school.
No they officially confirmed he doesn't go back somewhere
No, they "officially" confirmed he did go back to finish his final year, as did Ron and Hermione. This was said all the way back when DH came out.
I'm telling you it said the opposite
Azkaban was the only good one.
Book readers are meh about it. Filmgoers loved it.
HBP has a weird feel to it, drab in places yes but also ethereal and almost dreamlike in some scenes, like Ron out on the Quidditch field with the clarinet score lightening the mood to one of bucolic playfulness. The whole Felix felicis subplot, feels like a fever dream.
Also not sure anyone has mentioned the peak cringe from GoF when Ron is simping for Viktor when they get back to the tent.
>He's like a bird the way he rides the wind
>Viktor I love you,
>Viktor I do.
>Whenever we’re apart,
>My heart beats only for you
KRRRUM
I like how in the book, Ron buys a "living" Krum action figure who walks around and shit and after Krum gets with Hermione much later, Harry finds it lying under Ron's bed with it's head completely broken off.
Hermione was fricking her "penpal" Krum even after she got with her good boy Ron, guaranteed. Women absolutely despise weak cucks, even JK confirmed that their marriage is not a particularly happy one.
Kekeke
BARTY CROUCH
*licks lips*
Juniorrrr
ALBOOSE
ELLO FAWTHAH
Thestrals were a plot hole.
All arguments against it are actually supportive of it being a plot hole.
>UMMM ACTUALLY IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE UM HE WAS TOO YOUNG TO UNDERSTAND WHAT HE WAS SEEING
Yes, that's called a retcon, because rowling is a hack and didn't properly think about it. The carriages were just supposed to be magic and horseless until she had this "brilliant" idea.
ok
the thing is full of plotholes.
Why doesn't rowling address the fact that harry was severely physically and psychologically abused his entire childhood?
He would be mentally fricked up, but its just treated like a joke
It's the whole premise. Hogwarts isn't real and is just his happy place that he goes to and gets to be the hero chosen one.
Because the first book was going for a more Dahl style of children's book where such an over the top sort of thing would be brushed off. Later in the series as the tone shifted it started to come off as more out of place dark.
>I may be free, Remus, my friend... but in my heart, I shall forever be...... a Prisoner of Azkaban....
poetry
The "Deathly Hallows part, too" is never getting topped
>The series is a 9/10
The only movie I would even consider a 9/10 would be Prisoner of Azkaban. Overall, it's a 7/10, certainly an accomplishment in cinema but some chapters like Half-Blood Prince were a complete mess.
i only care for the first three books/films, the future of the characters after that is open ended in my mind i can't take anything after seriously
GOF is the weirdest film, but it’s actually the weirdest book as well. So much odd shit is cut out of the film, stuff that never appears in any book again either. Don’t think Rowling had quite figured out how to do a bigger book yet/struggled with the transition to the latter half of the series
>The series is a 9/10 but had some dodgy scenes
I read 'This series had some 9/10 doggy scenes' and the thumbnail looks like Ronwith pigtails taking it in the ass
Pippi Ronstockings
This is still the greatest thing to come out of the entire franchise.
Can't tell if based or cringe
I like how the dad is just chilling in the back, letting his wife confront a dangerous terrorist. He doesn't even have a clear shot to Bellatrix.
The epilogue
Harry not fixing his wand
Every time an idea of harry/Ron is given to hermione
Any Ginny scene in HBP/DH
>voldemort in the books dies like a desperate, pathetic b***h in front of literally everyone
>in the film he dies out of view of everyone aside from harry
this scene is so fun though, especially as a kid
>BOOM! BIG REVEAL! I TURNED MYSELF INTO AN ARMCHAIR ALBUS, I'M ARMCHAIR SLUGHOOOORRN!
imagine turning yourself into a couch and having Hermione and Luna sit on you
Would be based.
imagine turning into luna's buttplug
Why are Harry Potter threads always so comfy
Cause we all never talked about reading this shit to anyone when we were kids
Because it's actual discussion and memes instead of the "p" word.