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You WILL spend $25 for one of these, right?

A Conspiracy Theorist Is Talking Shirt $21.68

Nothing Ever Happens Shirt $21.68

A Conspiracy Theorist Is Talking Shirt $21.68

  1. 4 months ago
    Anonymous

    Is that some sort of over engineered finger box?

    • 4 months ago
      Anonymous

      W-what is it? What do I do with it?

      The new DUNC fleshlight

  2. 4 months ago
    Anonymous

    W-what is it? What do I do with it?

    • 4 months ago
      Anonymous

      You have to hold your hand inside it until the queen of the kinoplex allows you to stop

      • 4 months ago
        Anonymous

        What's inside?

        • 4 months ago
          Anonymous

          you know

        • 4 months ago
          Anonymous

          Bags of sand.

      • 4 months ago
        Anonymous

        hand?!

    • 4 months ago
      Anonymous

      you must satiate the popcorn vessel.

  3. 4 months ago
    Anonymous
  4. 4 months ago
    Anonymous

    I haven't left my home in 2 years.

  5. 4 months ago
    Anonymous

    judging by the size of the hole I'm guessing they expect me to pop the berries in there along with the twig

    • 4 months ago
      Anonymous

      >t. dicklet

      • 4 months ago
        Anonymous

        yeah everyone else on Cinemaphile has a throbbing 12" purple hued hog

    • 4 months ago
      Anonymous

      It's for cleaning the underside crust, hand-free so it's not gay

  6. 4 months ago
    Anonymous

    What if the box you put your hand in was this and it was pleasure instead of pain haha

  7. 4 months ago
    Anonymous

    I will cum in the Shai-Hulussy

  8. 4 months ago
    Anonymous

    I just don't think those prongy things would feel good against your dick

  9. 4 months ago
    Anonymous

    i need that shit in my house

  10. 4 months ago
    Anonymous

    I never thought eating popcorn at the movies could be more expensive, messy and disgusting.

    • 4 months ago
      Anonymous

      >ask for extra butter
      >the teeth flick droplets of butter all over you and the people around you each time you withdraw your hand

  11. 4 months ago
    Anonymous

    I want the Ghosbusters one

  12. 4 months ago
    Anonymous

    I wouldn't even want this taking up space in my trash can.

  13. 4 months ago
    Anonymous

    Looks like a melted dog paw cleaner.

  14. 4 months ago
    Anonymous
    • 4 months ago
      Anonymous
    • 4 months ago
      Anonymous

      Oh, the sandworm produces the spice. How did I not get that before?

    • 4 months ago
      Anonymous

      Why is the sandworm made out of bricks? Someone explain this to me.

      • 4 months ago
        Anonymous

        the plastic mold was turned around in 2 hours by some chinese factory slave, that's just how he did it

  15. 4 months ago
    Anonymous

    someone's definitely fricking that

  16. 4 months ago
    Anonymous

    Do they have a girthier version?

  17. 4 months ago
    Anonymous

    There is no way you don't at least frick that a few times

  18. 4 months ago
    Anonymous

    HAHAHA FORCED VIRAL MARKETING EPIC!

    • 4 months ago
      Anonymous

      I was gonna see it anyway. This is just really bad product design like the Jar Jar candy tongue.

      • 4 months ago
        Anonymous

        no it was made bad on purpose so morons would talk about it

        • 4 months ago
          Anonymous

          is that not the point of marketing

  19. 4 months ago
    Anonymous

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