A faithful TV adaptation of this, helmed by a studio like Amazon, would BTFO Ahsoka or whatever Star Wars bullshit flavour of the week is on
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A faithful TV adaptation of this, helmed by a studio like Amazon, would BTFO Ahsoka or whatever Star Wars bullshit flavour of the week is on
Pretty badly written book.
The author was literally 14, give him a fricking break.
Why? Should I give a movie written by a moron “a break”? If it’s bad it’s bad. That’s the way it is.
>kid writes book for kids
NOOOOO TOLKIENMAN SAVE MEEEEEEEE
The Hobbit is unironically more moronic
>no female characters
>big bad dragon killed by a literal-who introduced in the same chapter
>moronic battle sequence in a whimsical children's adventure
why does the exclusion of a female in a story equate it to being moronic? As we've seen, the the inverse is true; with more female driven leads and centric characters, storytelling as a whole, regardless of the medium, has degraded.
>big bad dragon killed by a literal-who introduced in the same chapter
The thrush is the main reason Smaug dies, and that point gets established early. Bard is just the vehicle for it
Why didn't Bard play a single damn instrument
They trained him wrong on purpose as a joke
Unfortunately that’s not how it works. Wheel of Time is a perfect example of what happens when the source material gives you plenty of ESG approved material; they ruin it anyway because everywhere has to be modern day Birmingham
battle sequence in a whimsical children's adventure
u wot m8 do you think children's adventure books have no battles in them?
FINISH WINDS, FATSO
>gets killed by literal who
based I always thought it was stupid that every single event of significance only happens to the main characters in all fantasy. Doesnt feel realistic.
I am glad I am not the only one. The best thing about the Hobbit was against the Chosen One mentality that a lot of fantasy books suffer without being edgey.
It just keeps showing you that the MC is just a little guy in a big world and the story would go on without his role in it, he just gets a chance to participate and maybe change things for the better
Low key inspiring
We are all the main characters fren
Based and Main character-pilled
It's actually kind of sad that adult fiction is more juvenile than kids fiction sometimes
Teachers ask why boys aren't reading anymore and then they prop up the Scholastics catalogue that's full of vampire smut
I looked at one of the YA books my younger cousin was reading and it was a moronic bisexual love triangle (2 girls 1 guy). Even the YA writing that tries for epic scale suffers from dogshit romances (before I moved onto adult sci-fi, one of the last YA books I read was Eon/Eona, rips off Avatar:TLA and Mulan and features a stupid romance between the female protagonist and the prince emperor to be.)
The bisexual stuff is being pushed into YA more and more often by ESG concerns
Also they hire fat ex-tumblr girls
>the author was literally 14
Oh it shows Christopher, it shows
It got worse as he grew up.
>The author was literally 14
Yes, this is pricisely why he should burn, I'm glad you understand. See, normal 14-year-old writers publish their drivel where it should be published: on fanfiction sites. He skipped that necessary step by using his parents' money to open a publishing house. Frick you, frick his parents and frick you once again.
I saw the movie in theaters ans with the exception of John Malkovich being in the movie (why was he?) it was forgettable. The only thing I remember is laughing in the theatre where they gotta get to a prison or something and one character is on horseback and another is on a dragon and they arrive at the destination at the same time in the next scene without explanation. it wad pretty bad but funny to see the obvious set-up for a 2nd movie that would never materialize due to said film sucking, yet the studio didn't seem to grasp it.
Malkovitch was only there to speak cryptically about the egg to his flunky, despite the fact they both knew full well it was an egg and there was literally no reason to call it a stone except to mislead an audience who would know what it was unless they walked into the wrong screen.
I went to see the movie (actually my friend already picked the tickets, I wanted to watch Apocalypti) and just remember how the dragon went from a baby to fully grown in a minute which basically made 2/3 of the book irrelevant.
I remember it being an extremely rushed movie, like it barely was 1h30 while the fellowship was 2h30 in comparison (not counting credits in both).
>(why was he?)
What, you think contractors will draw up the plans, dig the hole, and pour the concrete of a backyard pool for free?
a little bitter aren't we
His parents were already commercial publishers you fricking moron
Thanks for showing me the way, anon. I see now why I should forgive him, oh wait, I shouldn't.
well I just lost every interest I had to read these books
...ok? It's a young adult fantasy series from over 15 years ago
>he was 14!
yeah and both his parents had rich publishing jobs in the industry, it's a mystery how he got published!
do you think you're smart for pointing this out or something? why are you losers so bitter? sometimes people just get lucky in life, no need to be a jealous little whiny shit about it, eragon is far from the worst kids book series out there
>be publishing industry insider
>use connections to force autist son's shitty book onto bestseller list
>make millions
>retire early with generational wealth
>wannabes seethe and cope
Unreservedly BASED move by his dad
>use connections to force autist son's shitty book onto bestseller list
literally what do you even mean by that? that because his parents knew people they held a gun to millions of people's heads and forced them to buy it? it's just not true, even after self publishing he promoted the book for an entire year before anyone gave a frick about it, and it was only successful because he got lucky, the same thing that has happened to countless authors.
the funny thing is he made more interesting stories when he was a teen than now, the last book of this series was literal dogshit, one of the worst fantasies ive ever read
The most amusing thing is that Paolini's books became even worse as he aged. 1 and 2 were already quite bad but still tolerable, 3 was dogshit, and 4 was straight up one of the worst fantasy books ever published. It made Goodkind's stuff look good by comparison, which is saying something.
It also took him nearly a decade to finish the entire thing. The kids he was marketing towards when Eragon hit shelves were either in high school or college by the end. At least Harry Potter had more installments and each one got released at reasonable dates.
That’s the downside of nepotism publishers
A normal publisher will ride a new author’s ass to get as much out the door as possible to lock down the target demographic and keep their name out there, and a self published author will usually ride their own ass to get as much money as they can. He acted like a veteran author who can afford to let everyone come to him after one hit.
What made it bad? Genuinly asking.
Do you meant the fourth book or the cycle in general? I want to say that Paolini chewed a thesaurus and barfed it all over the manuscript, but that would be to brief to do it justice.
This is the breakdown of the foufth book
http://impishidea.com/criticism/a-critique-of-pure-inheritance
(the start of it, there are several posts by the same tag, going through every chapter)
This is the breakdown of the first book in one post:
http://impishidea.com/criticism/everything-wrong-with-eragon
Warning: walls of text.
the first two sword of truth books are fine, BDSM femdom rape sequences aside
>It made Goodkind's stuff look good
take that back you roody-poo. Goodkind is GOAT expect pillars of creation
>Goodkind is GOAT
I mean I can see the appeal, it's basically Ayn Rand but with torture porn, gore porn and actual porn, what's not to like
I like the romance
>pillars
LMAO what the frick pillars of Creation is my second favorite
hahaha oh boy, that book was AWFUL
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/3441.Terry_Goodkind
Look at the ratings
All right to be fair I read it when I was 12 and I've only read through the series that one time
Holy shit yes the evil chicken that was not a chicken
because it's written like a mediocre novelization of an above-average fantasy movie.
I still can't fricking believe how badly they botched it
>15 year old wrote it
>just writes star wars
I mean....
Him figuring that out at 15 was the true genius.
>Pretty badly written book.
Incredibly poorly plagiarized book.
It was good if you were a kid when you read it. I still like reading and watching shitty teen fiction books as an adult.
Just finished the magicians series. Was kino.
>Pretty badly written book.
perfect for modern tv audiences then
Reminder that his parents were his publisher and that this piece of shit was ghostwritten with so little faith they didn't even use a good ghostwriter.
its just a ripoff of Star Wars with a coat of generic fantasy paint
so?
star wars was always a generic 'hero's journey' template though??? it wasnt the first.
There's using a template, then there's literally taking plot beats from a full work.
The first book is literally, LITERALLY, A New Hope with a fantasy skin.
Exactly. It would be extremely successful.
I loved these books when I was like 7 but then I realized they were just Star Wars.
This deserves a live action, my favorite book series as a child
Agreed. Although these days I’m always concerned the studios are going to bastardize the adaptation.
NO. GIVE ME THE PROPER ARTEMIS FOWL MOVIE REEEEE
I need my hardboiled detective thriller Holly Short and I need it RIGHT NOW
To think that the left is human teenager and the right is grown-up fairy woman.
Uhm, she's not a child, she's a neotenous 309 year old cop!!
Never knew what Artemis Fowl was, but am I right thinking it's the gayest thing ever?
>am I right thinking it's the gayest thing ever?
nah it was actually pretty cool the first three books or so
No, the series itself is decent, it just had a very cringe fanbase
I'm confused, are you asking me to tell you what your thoughts are, about something that you've never interacted with?
A simple yes or no would do.
yes
Third gayest
>(You)
>Your post
>Artemis Fowl
>hmm, I need a name
>what if I took Aragorn and increment the first vowel by one?
>delightfully devilish Seymour
He was a 14yo and cribbed everything from Tolkien and the Fatman
I liked the fake language and how difficult it was for the MC to learn magic. Magic felt weighted well.
The movie really butchered how I imagined everything.
>sword is supposed to be red
>movie makes it blue
?????????????
U wot m8?
>The glyph for "fire" in the Ancient Language, "Brisingr", was engraved on both the blade and the scabbard. It had a dark blue scabbard, like the color of Saphira's back, with a leaf-shaped steel cap on the end of the scabbard. The blade itself was a lighter iridescent blue, like the color of Saphira's neck. The brightsteel contained cable-like patterns within it, as well as a flame-like pattern marked the transition between the soft spine of the blade and its hard edges. The guard was made from blued brightsteel. The blade was thin near the end in order to pierce through the upgraded armor during Eragon's time. The grip was made from black hardwood. Lastly, there was a large blue sapphire in the pommel held in place by four ribs, which looked like claws, made from blued brightsteel.
I need you to shut the frick up because you don't know what you're talking about.
Read the books before googling shit and pretending like you know anything dumbass.
The sword is named Zar'roc btw dipshit.
Zarroc has a fricking ruby you double Black person
Yes
you absolute fricking dumbass Black personbrain, that is correct.
I said
was incorrect because it was blue instead of red, the sword in the movie is Zar'rock not Brisingr you stuuuupid Black person.
Why do dumbasses always double down instead of realising they're morons?
>blued brightsteel
>black hardwood
That's his second sword you fricking absolute moron. This sword the one Brom took after he killed his rival evil Dragon Rider and it's supposed to be red
See:
moron lmao
Reminds me of those parts of My Immortal where they take a paragraph to explain in detail what everyone is wearing.
>My immortal
Would it be possible to adapt or is it as unadaptable as blood Meridian?
The author would probably get cancelled for calling haters "gay homosexuals".
Just put one of those meme "product of its time" disclaimers at the beginning, that should avoid any braindead "canceling".
>caring what the preps think
You're never gonna make it
It's fine because if they do adapt it it will be satire and not earnest.
It was weighted well until the last book, i'm still convinced that the guy played Dragon Age 2 when writing that book and got a massive fricking hard on making the plot suddenly be about magic users being the problem.
there's a lot of foreshadowing and worldbuilding about distrust of magic, i thought making the mary sue sandlady get uppity about magic users and throw a wrench in the works was kind of neat
The magic system is one of the few good things the series had going for and even that was cribbed from something else IIRC.
>Christopher and Eragon have the dot in the middle of the O
>Paolini doesnt
>helmed by a studio like Amazon
Yeah they're all about keeping the faith
Unfortunately for you, Disney owns the rights to this.
Deltora Quest chads stay winning. Based Aussie lass never selling the rights to Hollywood weirdos who want to rewrite her shit
How long do people get the rights to this stuff? Until it becomes public domain? And how does disney keep stuff from public domain for so long?
Helps that his mommy worked at the publisher ;^(
the ending to this series pissed me off more than any other media ive ever consumed. absolute dogshit
That came out in 2011 right???
I tried my fricking best to read the 1st book and I just couldn't get into it.
Me and my best friend loved these books but the ending to the fourth book was so bad that I still bring it up every once in a while to piss him off. There's a Murtagh book coming later this year that I really don't want to read but know I will read anyways
I liked how he basically found the bad guy was brain damaged and couldn't feel guilt, made him feel guilt, so the bad guy nuked himself.
i did not like the "well that's that g'bye then sorry about the loose ends" that came after.
I don't think the king had brain damage? I think he was just an evil butthole and Eragon made him feel all the pain and suffering he caused
>the ending to this series pissed me off more than any other media ive ever consumed. absolute dogshit
>Me and my best friend loved these books but the ending to the fourth book was so bad that I still bring it up every once in a while to piss him off.
anywhere i can read a tl;dr? read the first three books as a kid and never finished them up
dont wanna sound mean or anything but theres a few examples in this thread
yeah I read the thread was just looking for a bit more detail but I guess there's not much more to say about the ending based on the description
it's been a very long time since I read the books and I hated the fourth one so much that I only read it once so there's a lot of shit I forget but it's basically
>eragon is a farmer who gets a female dragon
>there's an evil wizard that wants to control everything or something
>along the story, eragon starts learning about magic and becoming more and more bland
>he simps over a female elf but at first she rejects him for being a human
>pastarini introduces eragon's cousin, roran, who is actually a much better character, he's on a quest to rescue his gf and save the town's people and he only uses hammers to wreck shit
>eragon gets a powerup that transforms him into an elf-human hybrid and asks her out again but she rejects him because it's more important to end the war and stop the evil wizard
>later roran rescues his gf, saves everyone, becomes a leader and lives happily ever after having a bunch of children
>meanwhile eragon has his return to the jedi throne scene where he defeats the evil wizard with a moronic asspull
>the evil empire falls, everyone rejoices and the female elf finally wants to give eragon a chance
>eragon goes full incel, rejects her and goes away with his dragon, like arya stark at the end of game of thrones, to explore what's out there
then the author added an apology for not answering any of the mysteries he introduced, like the identity of a weird girl who was like a witch who teleported everywhere to help eragon like the merchant from resident evil 4
>weird girl who was like a witch who teleported everywhere to help eragon like the merchant from resident evil 4
kek I don't remember this part of the books at all but that's hilarious. the third book was honestly a blur to me I was already starting to grow out of eragon at that point. what a funny story, but you really can't hate on a kid writer too hard so eh. the magic language stuff was cool I thought, but by the time of the elf powerup thing it had gotten ridiculous.
I think he means Angela. Angela is a very weird character.
>While not directly said, there is some speculation that Angela could be the oracle that lived in the Hall of the Soothsayer mentioned by King Galbatorix while he was torturing Nasuada. He explained she was neither human, dwarf, nor elf. In book three, she is referred to as "seer." Angela has been shown to have lived a very, very long time, although it is unknown how long. While confronting the High Priest in Dras-Leona, she was much more powerful than it and said that they would not have dared confront her if they knew who she really was. She then proceeded to whisper her true identity to the disfigured priest. The High Priest was utterly terrified when she did so. This theory is also supported by the fact that she has predicted the fortunes of others and has predicted Eragon's fate, albeit somewhat vaguely. She also commands great respect from the elves. They bowed down to her and greeted her first, showing their respect for her. This would also explain how she is able to always appear during significant events.
I honestly don't remember her at all, was she only in the last book? The third book was just a mush of eragon being at the elf hideout doing nothing, his brother leading a much more interesting rebellion but one I didn't like because there were no epic dragon fights til the end, then an ending that was just an apostrophe, I remember to this day thinking "Wtf? I thought it was just going to be a trilogy?"
No, she's the herbalist that hangs out with the talking cat. I think they are pretty much in all the Eragon books as they somehow always arrive to Eragon's destination before him
Believe it or not Angela is literally his sister's self insert Mary Sue
I thought it was pretty obvious her and that weird guy in the woods are those proto humans that tied magic to language
>Opens with princess of the rebellion transporting something valuable to the resistance through hostile territory
>Suddenly attacked by a black wearing magic swordsman with a red sword
>Princess gets captured momentarily after she is able to jettison the valuable cargo
>Valuable cargo is found by an adopted farm Boy
>Farm boys family gets killed over what he found
>Is taken in by mysterious old man who lives nearby and has actually been watching over him his whole life
>Mysterious Old Man reveals himself to be a magic swordsman of a destroyed order of peacekeepers
Honestly I could just keep going but it's laborious because it's scene for scene
honestly never thought of it that way holy shit lmao
yes, paulina was a major hack who ripped off star wars and lord of the rings massively, I don't know how he and his parents got away with it.
You know that one greetext that at first seems like an incest story and the joke is that it's actually describing the plot of Star Wars and people only catch on at the end when it's made really obvious? Same here, it changes just enough that most people who aren't paying close attention or don't have SW's plot on their mind while reading won't really take notice, same for the LotR elements.
In his case it also helped that his story was more high fantasy than LotR and didn't have space or sci-fi elements like SW so it muddies the water a bit.
Don't forget the sense where Eragon's dragoness has sex with the female elf's dragon and they can feel it all because of mind link with their dragons and they're standing next to another, but Eragon just looks down and kicks sand instead of doing anything.
If you're going adapt fantasy pulp, at least adapt good fantasy pulp.
*going to adapt
>No "Dragons: SummerNooning"
Never try rereading Dragonlance. Most deus-ex-machina filled, worst campaign ever.
And someone will reply to me with RAISTLIN KINO, yes he was kino, but he's barely in these books. He's in the prequels (?) more but he's still sharing page space with a bunch of terrible characters.
We can at least thank Dragonlance for introducing the wonderful Kender into the world.
picrel
I liked both Eragon and Dragonlance. But I read them when I was like 10-15 years old.
The typical criticisms are that they're genetic and derivative. Which matters when you've read a lot in the same genre, but for a new reader, a standard retelling is exactly what you want. So the only real criticism I have is the actual writing style (also, with DL, the forced DnD structure in the early books.) But again, mediocre writing isn't something that matters too much for young readers.
>write a race of shameless kleptomaniacs who are supposed to be endearing because they only tend to steal completely worthless shit
>forget to make that last part clear when describing them in the player book
>in a hobby where “it’s what my character would do ;^)” is already the bane of every player/GM
WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!
I have read about 30 Dragonlance books as a kid and I remember only a few things:
>the knight (Sturm I think) having sex with the chaos goth girl mercenary and then getting killed by her later
>the half elf being a rape baby
>the magician being a wizard and wanting to have sex with the gf of his Chad twin brother
>the hobbit thief basically doing random shots that always ended well somewhat
I didn’t even remember there was a dwarf however.
Saphira was my first non-human crush
Saphira was my first crush ever and I had to cope with her not being real by trying to become a play bf for a proto-tumblr girl with super blue eyes.
for me, it's the amber chronicles
FERAL DRAGON PUSSY
Does Eragon know what it's like to get fricked since Sapphira gets her dussy filled in the 4th book
Written by a literal 14-year old whose only previous experience with genre fiction was Star Wars and Lord of The Rings. I swear to god nostalgia goggles would make anything look good
Eragon is literally A New Hope with dragons instead of the Force. It's laughably just a ripoff of Star Wars written by a sixteen year old. It's one of the most poorly written pieces of shit I've ever dropped out of disgust.
I unironically think thats a well written passage. I say that as someone thats pretty critical of writing. Just because its simple doesnt mean its bad
That being said, overall, the books are poorly written
>I unironically think thats a well written passage.
That's because you're either moronic or an ESL. I don't care how critical you are of writing. You're fricking bad at it.
The first sentence is horrible but after that its just simple descriptive prose. You tell me if you cant imagine the image hes trying to draw for the reader. Feel free to point out even one specific thing thats weak in that passage, im all ears
>I'm all ears
You using TTS on Cinemaphile threads or something?
I almost never post anymore so my posts are just normal text these days instead of the shitposting language we all fall into after spending too much time here
What the frick is that headline? Who's Boebert?
this is better than most of GRRM's passages
>Sunset found her squatting in the grass, groaning. Every stool was looser than the one before, and smelled fouler. By the time the moon came up she was shitting brown water. The more she drank, the more she shat, but the more she shat, the thirstier she grew, and her thirst sent her crawling to the stream to suck up more water. When she closed her eyes at last, Dany did not know whether she would be strong enough to open them again.
It’s a based depiction of cholera, what’s wrong with it?
God that's some bad writing. This dude probably went to the Stephen King school of writing descriptions
>Dragon
>but with an E instead of a D (because E is one step further from D
Profound
I like how in the last book, the author offhandedly mentions that there are primal sea dragons and that there is a secret giga-orc king living in the mountains, then refuses to elaborate.
>when you write a d&d campaign but have no friends so you turn it into a book
what are you smoking? the author shat the bed horribly with that ending. people often imagine how horrible it would be if eichiro oda, the one piece author, finished the manga without explaining anything, well, that's what cristopher pastarini did, after eragon the annoying mary sue beat the evil wizard, he said ''no way gay'', didn't get the elf girl that he simped for during 4 books and the story ended. then he just added a note saying ''sorry, I couldn't answer all those mystery boxes I introduced''. it was a betrayal almost as bad as the end of attack on titan or something like that
can i get a qrd somewhere?
Eragon tells the king that killing people is wrong, so the king kills himself
Saphira gets fricked mid air while eragone watches
Elf girl offers beta eragon a chance and he declines
He takes a bunch of dragon eggs he found somewhere and goes into Afghanistan or something, maybe each race gets a single dragon egg I can't remember
oh he did that thing where he talks the boss into dying instead of doing something cool. pretty lame. can't believe he blue balled the readers for four whole books with the elf though, when I read them as a kid I always had a boner for her.
He doesn't verbally tell him Eragon and a the dragon soul gem things cast a massive wordless super spell that basically mind break Galbotrix at which point he basically causes his biomass to experience nuclear fission
It's pretty metal imo
the chick from the movie was so hot
Yes. Only redeeming factor.
I still think these books would make a really good series. I loved them as a kid. maybe a little too much satanic imagery though, isn't that what killed the golden compass too?
These look monumentally israeli.
You brain is fried from too much /misc/
No it's not you fricking moron, I read all three books and they are explicitly israeli
No you have not. You said they "look" israeli which is obviously because you see happy merchants everywhere. Go touch grass before it's too late
For one, I'm not the guy who said they look israeli.
For two, if you actually read the books, you know that they are rooted in israeli mythology. The golem of Prague is the main monster of the second book.
And the fourth book is literally about King Solomon and his magic.
Lmao your dumbass knows that something can be israeli without that being a bad thing, right?
>For one, I'm not the guy who said they look israeli.
So why did you respond to me? That's extremely rude.
Nta but it seems you spent too much time on /misc/ as well. you've gone native and there's no turning back. Kek
Based, I also read these. Bart was a bastard but he was also a badass
I mean it's explicitly about 19th century alt history israeli magicians, so yeah
These were so fricking good. And sad
I prefer these covers. But yes, Bartimaeus show would btfo of that Dragon Star Wars shit
I remember being scared of that skeleton demon when I read it as a kid. God these books would make such a good series on HBO
Cast the main roles.
>Nathaniel
>Kitty
>Bartimaeus/Ptolemy
>Faquarl as the cook
>chalamet
>Sophia lillis
>voice of danny devito
>who?
>Faquarl is an upper-level Djinni, powerful and intelligent. He often takes on the semblance of a cook, which he attributes to the fact that there are many sharp and lethal objects to be found in a kitchen.
>He was referred to by Bartimaeus as his 'nemesis', as they had fought with or against each other throughout history.
Yes I remember now. He hates Bartey because despite being lower level and overall weaker, he is smarter and more cunning and has btfo him dozens of times over the millennia
I think he attributes it to cowardice as Bart prefers running/hiding to fighting
lol, i cant believe these greedy merchant covers are real
NO YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO JUST POINT THAT OUT YOU /misc/ NAZI! REEEEE
>/pol/
Rent free lmao
>didn't read the thread
>can't see blatant sarcasm
If you weren't moronic you would see I was agreeing with you
Sorry about that, I'm moronic like all the other /misc/tards
I rented the first book from my local library, preceded to sleepwalk that night for the first and only time in my life and pissed all over the book
Returned it to library Dropbox the next day without ever reading a word
1000% based, no way you can properly translate the footnotes into visual media unless you do some 4th wall breaking look into the camera bullshit which would be cringe
>freeze frame
>bartimaeus' voice actor narrates
that easy
Anybody else here read the Xanth novels by Piers Anthony or did you become online perverts for other reasons?
>helmed by a studio like Amazon
hahahhaha. hahahha. hahahahahhahahah. ahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahah
Eragon is a terrible book that transparently rips off Star Wars 1977.
In a world where star wars and lord of the rings have been utterly mutilated by various studios, a shameless ripoff of both wouldn’t actually be a bad idea if someone was there to file off the edges
Young adult novels are for children and midwits. Read better novels
spoken like a boring boomer. YA novels are peak. They just miss the sex aspect of the Urban fantasy genre to be peak
*kino peak
They’re kino peak if you haven’t read enough novels. Once you expand your taste and branch out, you’ll realize how weak YA novels are
I read a lot as a kid. Ran out of books and grabbed a couple from my older sister’s room. Absolute smut, like graphic vampire rape porn within the first 20 pages. Pay attention to what your kids are reading anons, especially “young adult” novels.
My wife is one of those girls who grew up reading fanfiction and now she is pretty much obsessed with moronic anime level pop culture based supernatural rape romance stories
>vampire rape porn
If a vampire doesn't breathe, then he has no blood circulation, therefore can't get erect. Do I get it right?
If he doesn't breath, he wouldn't live, yet he does. It's supernatural.
I remember it happening just as I was aging out of the demographic. It wasn’t particularly explicit at the time, but the focus was definitely shifting to supernatural romance rather than adult books with more simplistic prose.
Twilight absolutely ruined the entire genre by shifting the demographic from young readers to horny womanchildren.
Harry Potter might have got a boatload of hacks into the industry trying to ride its coattails, but at least it was a shot in the arm for established authors.
The worst part is that generic harlequin romance #764 is infinitely more juvenile than something like edge chronicles, despite it being aimed at literal 12 year olds
>edge chronicles
hooooooooooly blast of nostalgia, I remember reading the stone pilot one as a kid and doing drawings of the pilots because I thought they were so cool, and I got sent to detention because my teacher thought I was drawing pictures of the KKK
>horny womanchildren
It’s not even modern, my grandma reads a ton of cowboy themed erotic novels. I help her with her kindle and have seen some content, it’s pretty high up there. It’s more that at this point I was around 9, she was around 12 and by the cover this looked like a totally appropriate book for a tween. Some kind of silly vampire stuff that seems edgy, not literally “he held me against the wall, bit into me and pulled my legs up so hard I thought they would break then thrust his erect wiener into me.” I remember this passage specifically, ‘I can fix him’ sort of theme to this story lmao
>Absolute smut,
>graphic vampire rape porn within the first 20 pages
sounds hot
This. When I was 10 my father gifted me with some fantasy book, and I remember next to nothing about it except that at some point the MC got captured by a sexy leather-clad dominatrix who proceeded to torture him into fricking her for the next 100 pages or so.
I know exactly what you're talking about. it's Stone of Tears by Terry goodkind, the second Sword of Truth book. I remember my schizo uncle getting me into that series when I was like 12 and now I have a femdom fetish. thanks Uncle Steve.
>Stone of Tears
The scene where a sorceress has consensual but horrendously painful sex with some demon with a 3-foot-long barbed penis while other sorceresses watch until he cums the stolen magic power of a flayed sorcerer inside her before she proceeds to cut another sorceress in half with magic was pretty fricking hot, ngl
A 3-foot-long barbed BIFURCATED penis, actually.
yeah looking back on it this series was a bit too much for a 12 year old like me to have been reading kek. the first book has the almost-gang rape, the second book has demon rape, BDSM femdom rape, invading army rape, and the books just kept getting weirder. Honestly I'd still say the Wizard's First Rule wasn't a bad book, and Stone of Tears was eh, but the series just keeps getting weirder and weirder.
Like the book where Richard spends the entire time in the enemy city and wins over the entire population with his epic facts and logic and builds a statue and wins the war with libertarian ideology and not his magic or fighting or anything actually interesting.
I read them all, and yeah it becomes pretty shit, but I do have to give props to Goodkind for successfully tying up all the loose ends and ending all arcs pretty convincingly and satisfyingly. And then he threw it all away by writing more books like a fricking moron.
At some point the over-the-top stuff just became funny. In book 8 I think, Richard mercilessly slaughters a bunch of unarmed pacifists just because they're in his way, and we're treated to a remarkably graphic description of him beheading a young woman because she was in his way.
There's also a TON of rape, and he really does know how to write rape, I'll give him that. Of course the main girl never does get raped, though, despite like a hundred attempts, only irrelevant side characters. Oh well.
I once read an obviously American fantasy book based in Japan where a girl gets raped by a demon and and she starts getting homicidal thoughts and becoming possessed because of it. Anyone know what it was called? I think it was a trilogy.
>I read them all
damn, you've got some serious endurance. I think I stopped shortly after the one where he gets cucked at the end but doesn't actually get cucked but thinks he's cucked or whatever, temple of the winds I think? Then read more or less plot summaries for the rest. I never liked the Emperor invasion storyline, it never really made sense to me atleast as a kid and the books went from a semi-fantastical with dark elements series into extremely long winded ideological breaks, and non stop grimdark rape basically. Goodkind is still kind of based though for not giving a frick and just writing whatever he wanted, he got a lot of flak for the series.
Yeah that's Temple of the Winds, that one was pretty damn convoluted but perhaps the last decent book of the series. I remember it has a very good start in particular. Of course it also had a guy cutting up a prostitute's breasts into thin slices for shits and giggles but hey, that's just Goodkind for you.
The ideological stuff starts worming its way in the next book, but it really gets heavy-handed in book 6, 7 and 8. He actually toned it down in 9, 10 and 11, but it's still there and still annoying.
It's actually odd how much of fiction just seems like sadist fantasy
Goodkind is a particularly egregious example. There are at least 5 or 6 times in his books where characters either go through a recently sacked city, or hear in detail about the sack of a city, and it includes everything from brothels of enslaved teenage girls with the prettiest and the daughters of noble families reserved for officers, piles of baby corpses, civilians turned into archery targets, and literal Einsatzgruppen-type death squads.
Yeah, I don't get the appeal to be honest, I don't mind smut but there's a lot of writers who go overboard on gore and then whine that it is realistic and that you are too naive if you don't like
The sad part is that the Narnia and LotR authors were both war veterans who saw real gore irl and neither of them felt the urge to revel in describing corpses in detail
Same with Dunsany who is like the father of modern fantasy fiction
Saw so much sadness along with Tolkien and wrote optimistic light
>We will never get a Dunsany adaptation
>The sad part is that the Narnia and LotR authors were both war veterans who saw real gore irl and neither of them felt the urge to revel in describing corpses in detail
Yeah, this seems to be a common trope. War and pain and misery is not something you tend to fantasize about after having lived through it. Goodkind and GRRM are basically the product of people forgetting about this lesson.
Most grimdark writers have peaceful, boring lives
Light fiction is ironically written by people whose lives were hellish
It's depressing sometimes to read the autobiographies of some of my favourite writers and seeing things like
>war veteran with PTSD
>Dead wife
>Orphan
>Dead son
>Of course it also had a guy cutting up a prostitute's breasts into thin slices for shits and giggles but hey, that's just Goodkind for you
wasn't that also the one with the rat torture thing? he puts the rat in the bucket and straps it to the dominatrix's stomache and puts coals on it or whatever? honestly for mostly writing pre-internet goodkind was into some freaky shit, I've honestly read less sadistic stuff on the web, how did he ever get published much less so wildly successful?
>wasn't that also the one with the rat torture thing? he puts the rat in the bucket and straps it to the dominatrix's stomache and puts coals on it or whatever?
That's in Temple of the Winds as well, yeah. And yeah you can tell the guy was a complete sicko and was 100% jerking off to his own writing.
Like in book 8, the evil empire discovers a whole race of people who are completely immune to magic, so what do they do? They take all the women and put them in massive breeding camps so they can pump out as many babies as possible ; and since their civilization is basically fanatic pacifists, the men just let this happen and are expected to cook and clean and watch their wives get bred. Like this is the type of cuck shit you'd expect on /b/ nowadays, but that shit came out in 2008.
>They take all the women and put them in massive breeding camps so they can pump out as many babies as possible ; and since their civilization is basically fanatic pacifists, the men just let this happen and are expected to cook and clean and watch their wives get bred.
holy fricking shit lmao, I've gotta read that passage. I've got all the books downloaded, I'll try and find that part and post some other kino
They do revolt eventually, mostly because the hero eventually persuades them to, after a LOT of effort (and kills a whole bunch of them who did not want to revolt, too), but it takes them a long time to do so, and before the hero arrives, only a literal dozen or so men in their whole civilization are like "we should stop this". And even they are still horrified by the idea of actually killing the invaders at first. They think they can explain things to them and get them to leave.
yup, it's a goodkind book lmao. I always enjoy marvelling at these books when I meet people online that have read them because I have never met anyone IRL that has, for the longest time reading them felt like a fever dream
They're really something else, and in that respect they're very entertaining. The fact that his books horrified pretty much everyone except us sickos and that he gave zero fricks was even more entertaining. And at the end of the day, even a shit writer who manages to be entertaining is better than whatever Paolini is.
It's mind blowing just how much of it he's written as well, they're not short books and he's done what, 20 something of them? Pretty sure he's still writing in that setting to this day, when wizards first rule was released in like 1994 or something
he died bro
>Pretty sure he's still writing
mate 🙁
wtf man......rip our homie goodkind.....raping women in heaven........
Yeah, all of his books were fricking massive, and he almost always published one per year. The man was dedicated to pumping out log of shit after log of shit
it's honestly kind of admirable, he saw what he was doing as something unironically good and incredible and didn't listen to what anyone had to say about it, pretty based in it's own way
>What's the point of this grimdark shit in his books?
shock factor at first but eventually around the 6,000th page of his you read you realize he just has a huge guro fetish, like unironically very clearly has serious fricked up fetishes that he expresses in his writing, he's put to page and had published stuff that makes internet fanfiction seem tame, it's almost like none of his publishers actually read any of his books and just kept putting them out lmao
Goodkind was definitely autistic
Did someone say log of shit?
>The great room was packed with invaders. Among the bloody bodies of the dead, the women were being raped. Clarissa stood frozen, her mouth agape.
>Men stood in groups, waiting their turn. The largest groups were for the women with gold rings. The things being done to those women brought vomit up into Clarissa’s mouth. She covered her mouth and forced herself to swallow it.
>She stood transfixed, unable to turn her eyes away from a naked Manda Perlin, one of the young women who had frequently tormented her. Manda had married a wealthy, middle-aged man who lent money and invested in cargos. Her husband, Rupert Perlin, lay close by, his throat so viciously cut that his head had been nearly severed from his body.
this goes on for like 10 pages lmao
Oh yeah I remember this girl lmao
If memory serves, she does not actually get raped herself though, somehow, although she does get her throat cut later on
>she does not actually get raped herself though, somehow, although she does get her throat cut later on
yeah she avoids getting raped because she reads books or whatever, everyone else though, one way ticket to rape town kek.
honestly, what was the most deranged thing goodkind has written? there are so many fricked up guro-tier passages it's hard to pick
>honestly, what was the most deranged thing goodkind has written? there are so many fricked up guro-tier passages it's hard to pick
I only read a little of him so there's probably more than I know, but I always thought the sex scene was the worst
>honestly, what was the most deranged thing goodkind has written? there are so many fricked up guro-tier passages it's hard to pick
That's actually a really good question. I'd pick everything that has to do with Queen Cyrilla.
The poor woman sees her kingdom sacked, its population massacred and all the women raped, gets gang-raped herself by a pack of convicted murderers awaiting their deaths in a dark cell, somehow gets rescued, spends the next years slowly and painfully healing from her ordeal, and just when she finally starts to recover, what little is left of her kingdom gets sacked AGAIN, she gets gang-raped AGAIN, sexually enslaved, and eventually she ends up beheaded and her head is used as a soccer ball.
>>The poor woman sees her kingdom sacked, its population massacred and all the women raped, gets gang-raped herself by a pack of convicted murderers awaiting their deaths in a dark cell, somehow gets rescued, spends the next years slowly and painfully healing from her ordeal, and just when she finally starts to recover, what little is left of her kingdom gets sacked AGAIN, she gets gang-raped AGAIN, sexually enslaved, and eventually she ends up beheaded and her head is used as a soccer ball.
holy fricking shit lmao I now remember her in temple of the winds when they put her in the cell, I didn't realize they did it to her again later on. you're talking me into finishing the series, this is hilarious. It's the Crossed of fantasy
>mfw it's real
>even the soccer ball part
What the actual frick
>“Rats? Is that what worries you, my lady? Rats?” He gave her a derisive smile. He was too young to be so well schooled at insolence. Had her arms been free she would have slapped him. “Let me allay your fears, Queen Cyrilla.”
>He tossed the torch into the blackness. As it dropped, it illuminated faces. A husky fist caught the torch. There were men in the pit. At least six, maybe ten.
>Prince Fyren leaned into the doorway, his voice echoing into the hole. “The queen worries there may be rats down there.”
>“Rats?” came a coarse voice from the pit. “There be no rats down here. Not anymore. We et them all.”
>A hand with white ruffles at the wrist still rested on Prince Fyren’s hip. His voice taunted with feigned concern. “There, you see? The man says there are no rats. Does that ease your apprehension, my lady?”
>Her eyes darted between the flickering torchlight below and Fyren. “Who are those men?”
>“Why, just a few murderers and rapists awaiting their beheading, same as you. Quite vile animals, actually. What with all I’ve had to attend to, I haven’t had time to see to their sentences. I’m afraid being down in the pit for so long puts them in an ugly disposition.” His grin returned, “But I’m sure having a queen among them will mellow their mood.”
>that moment the horror that awaits her finally sinks in and she demands to be executed on the spot
Poor Cyrilla, she didn't even do anything to deserve any of it
I read all the dialogue in a Chris Chan esque autistic monotone
What's the point of this grimdark shit in his books? Does it have a point like Berserk or RR Martin? Sex slave porn fantasies are understandable but then decapitating her and using her as a soccer ball is just next level wtf.
Well, the "heroes" in Goodkind's fantasy setting do a whole lot of unquestionably evil stuff which leaves the reader appaled, so the villains have to be extra villainous as a result, which is how you get ridiculously over the top shit like this.
I can understand it
I enjoy really gruesome slasher flicks and body horror stuff; it isn't even necessarily sexual most of the time
It's just something vulgar you can't encounter ordinarily in normal society, it has a sort of enchanting power to it, like how riding a rollercoaster satisfies by tickling your fear and anxiety centers
Holy fricking based
Never read this moron's shit but I'm starting today
This stuff gets more and more frequent as you get further into the series, which helps compensate for the drop in quality, but even book 1 has its moments, even beyond the 100 pages of female-on-male torture and rape.
buckle in, each book is atleast 500 pages long and some are I think up to almost 2000, and there are 20 of them. the first two books are mostly enjoyable though, temple of the winds probably being the last one that's even passable, they get really really really bad after that
don't forget faith of the fallen. Argued to be his best book
I honestly didn't make it that far I got filtered in soul of the fire and just read the sypnosis from there on out, every book felt the same after awhile, richard and kahlan are together at the end, next book they get separated for whatever reason, blah blah blah lots of guro lots of rape, then richard remembers he's the main character and BTFOs the villians and they're reunited. pretty much how all of them go from what I understand
yeah he had an interesting take on it for sure but it got more bastardized into a plot tool as the series went on I felt
>honestly, what was the most deranged thing goodkind has written?
I think the end of the political arc in book 5 was pretty fricking devious.
A guy who prides himself on his and his wife's faithfulness in a social setting where everyone cheats on their partners eventually that his wife is, naturally, unfaithful too, and cheats on him with his boss, a man who basically owes his entire career to the guy's outstanding work.
So the guy goes to catch a horribly painful and always fatal STD on purpose, sleeps with his wife to spread it to her, she then unknowingly spreads it to his boss, and for good measure he also sleeps with his boss's wife too, killing them all.
>Like this is the type of cuck shit you'd expect on /b/ nowadays
Now that I think of it, there was a LOT of cuck shit in these books.
>Nicci marched to the stairwell. Gadi stood halfway up the stairs, his dark eyes watching. He arrogantly descended toward her, until he was at the bottom with her. He had a fine form, she supposed, displayed as it was without a shirt. He was close enough to feel the heat of him.
>Nicci looked him in the eye. He was the same height as she.
>“I want you to have sex with me.”
>"What?"
>“My husband does not adequately take care of my needs. I wish you to.”
>A smirk spread on his face as his gaze slid to Richard. He looked back at her bosom, at what was within his power to possess.
Jesus, Terry.
And then Kahlan wakes up horny and thinks Richard is banging Nicci
>“Just like your mother.” He froze at her words. “I need you like your prostitute of a mother needed your father.”
>His expression darkened. Like a provoked bull, he turned toward her, his piercing eyes riveted on her. “What do you mean?”
>“You know exactly what I mean. I need to be taken, like your father took your mother. I want you to take me like that. Only you can satisfy me. Do it. Do it now. Please.”
>He rose up, huge and imposing. His muscles rippled and knotted. His brow drew down in that grim Rahl glare.
>“I knew it,” he breathed. “I knew it. I knew you would finally give in to your filthy perversion.” He hesitated, looking back at Cara.
>“Yes. You’re right. You’re always right, Drefan. You’re smarter than me. You were right all along. I can’t fool you any longer. Give me what I want. Give me what I need. Please, Drefan, I’m begging you. I need you.” The look on his face was frightening. It was madness. If she could have shrunk back into the stone, she would have.
Temple of the Winds is literally entirely a cuck fantasy book, what did Terry mean by this?
that was all an ruse though if I remember correctly?
yeah it was, but the book ends with both richard and kahlan thinking they're cucking each other for some magical reason to stop the temple from doing whatever or to get the whatever maguffin
That was some wild shit too
>tthat moment when Kahlan gets really fricking annoyed at hearing Nadine's screams Richard is presumably fricking her so good
>turns out she was being flayed alive
don't forget that Kahlan bangs Richard (thinking it was that other dude) and enjoyed herself
like a bawd
Poor Nicci. Most powerful and brilliant sorceress in the world, most beautiful woman in the world, basically tailor-made to be Richard's perfect partner, and yet despite all her efforts, she never could steal him away from that b***h Kahlan and ends up forever alone.
Some really odd things used to get published. GoT books describe e-girl rape of a little blond girl by buff Arab men
J.K Rowling made some weird ass comments about her characters in the 90s (Harry was canonically 11 at the time) and no one minded even though today they would call her out
>Of course the main girl never does get raped
She does come very, very close to being beaten to death though, iirc it takes her almost a year to fully recover.
which book was that?
They can't use magic to heal her so it must be after the magicsucking aliens are released.
Now I remember, they used magic on the murder gangs hand that would instantly kill her if she was healed by Richard
>they used magic on the murder gangs hand that would instantly kill her if she was healed by Richard
ol terry, he really thought of it all didn't he
In book 5. The pack of redheads who almost kill her actually do beat another woman to death earlier.
>Like a pack of dogs, the rest of the men were on her.
>Morley was the strongest, and fierce. They lifted her. They all seemed to be punching her at once.
>Her head snapped one way and then the other. She doubled over from punches in the gut. The men walloped her in the kidneys.
>Blow after blow rained down, driving her from the arms that were holding her up, pummeling her to the ground.
>Once she was down, they all started kicking her. Morley kicked the back of her head. Another man stomped down on the side of it. Others kicked her body so hard it lifted her from the ground, or rolled this way and that.
>The sounds of the blows, hollow and sharp, almost drowned out the grunts of effort.
>Fitch, landing a kick in her ribs, seemed to be in some quiet place, watching the whole thing. It disgusted him, but it excited him at the same time. He was part of something important, with other good men, doing important work for Dalton Campbell and the Minister of Culture-the future Sovereign.
>He didn’t know how long it went on. It seemed forever. The thick smell of blood filled his nostrils and seemed to coat his tongue. Blood saturated their clothes. It gloved their fists. It was splattered across their faces.
>The heady experience filled Fitch with a profound sense of camaraderie. They laughed with the exhilaration of brotherhood.
holy shit lmao you just know he was rock hard writing this
>mmmh yeah beat that c**t to death ughhhh
"And in conclusion, I hope you enjoyed reading this, almost as much as I enjoyed writing it..."
I've also read them all, and I absolutely hate the show, but dude I have this friend, he hates the books and loves the show...
While we are talking about femdom shit and inappropriate YA stuff, the Queen of Attolia and its sequel comes to mind
Cute boy is tortured by an evil queen, they fall in love and get married and it keeps referencing that he cries on his wedding night
It has really strong femdom undertones
Interesting to see that this was apparently written by a woman. It actually does sound like a lot of feminine romance but gender flipped. Do they do that to avoid accusations of writing self insert smut?
It was a good book but I got the feeling the author was into femdom and romanticized the idea of being a beautiful woman who captures a cute boy
The title page of the second book is an example of this
Can't even take the women back to camp to rape them, have to do it among the bodies
Most women into BDSM are masochist but some are sadist. I noticed on reread the author also often makes references to young men being spanked and tied up.
I looked up fanart and this scene popped up. This is after the MC cuts off the cute boy's hand and rocks him to sleep after
Doesn't quite reach Goodkind's tier though. Ol' Terry was something special
>reach Goodkind's tier though. Ol' Terry was something special
what is this? Why is everyone hating on Goodkind??
I don't hate Goodkind, he was just very over the top about gore in a way that other writers can't seem to top
>and was infamously a major butthole to everyone he dealt with, his fans, editors, publishers, everyone
Never meet your heroes. Shame
>man with guro fetish is mean in real life
Hey, if anything we should be thankful that is all he ever was
he had a very high opinion of himself.
>"First of all, I don't write fantasy. I write stories that have important human themes. They have elements of romance, history, adventure, mystery and philosophy. Most fantasy is one-dimensional. It's either about magic or a world-building. I don't do either." - Terry Goodkind
>"What I have done with my work has irrevocably changed the face of fantasy. In so doing I've raised the standards. I have not only injected thought into a tired empty genre, but, more importantly, I've transcended it showing what more it can be-and is so doing spread my readership to completely new groups who don't like and wont ready typical fantasy. Agents and editors are screaming for more books like mine"
>Why is everyone hating on Goodkind??
he wasn't a very good author, had some very fricked up parts in every one of his books, and was infamously a major butthole to everyone he dealt with, his fans, editors, publishers, everyone, he saw himself as an incredible author unlike anyone else and refused to even classify his books as fantasy. he's like GRRM on meth, he was fricking based
I do give him credit for a very interesting and compelling magic system, though, at the very least.
>Pay attention to what your kids are reading anons, especially “young adult” novels.
kek found the demon rape in stone of tears
>The namble sniffed at her crotch. Its long tongue flicked out, running over her. She flinched, making a small jerk of a sound against the cloth in her teeth, but she kept her legs open. Her eyes did not move. She did not look at the namble. The Sisters in the circle began a soft chant. The namble licked her again, slower, grunting this time as it did so. She squealed against the rag. Beads of sweat shimmered on her flesh. She kept her legs wide apart.
>Rising up on its knees, the beast gave a throaty roar to the black sky. Its pointed, barbed, erect phallus stood out, plainly silhouetted against the candles beyond. Muscles bulged in knotted cords along its arms and shoulders as the namble bent forward, putting a fist to each side of the woman. Its tongue licked out around her throat as it gave a vibrating rumble of a growl, and then it lowered itself, covering her with its massive form.
>Its hips hunched forward. The woman’s eyes winced shut as she screamed against the cloth in her teeth. The namble gave a quick, powerful thrust and her eyes snapped open in a panic of pain. Even with the cloth clenched in her teeth, her screams could be heard over the chanting each time the beast knocked the wind from her, adding more force to the shrieks.
>Margaret had to force herself to take a breath as she watched. She hated these women; they had given themselves over to something unspeakably evil. Still, they were her Sisters, and she could hardly bear to watch one being hurt. She realized she was shaking. She clenched the gold flower at her neck in one fist and Jedidiah’s arm with her other as tears streamed down her face.
>The beast thrashed at the Sister on the ground as the three Sisters held her. Her muffled screams of torment ripped at Margaret’s heart.
I was 12 when I read this
Yeah I started reading the sort of Truth series in Middle School and Little did I know how much rape torture pedophilia incest and general weird shit was in them. But I was autistic so I just assumed this kind of stuff was normal for fantasy books because I had also started reading game of thrones LMAO.
There was the time that khalan had to let herself get raped play Richard's evil twin brother,
There are the mord sith, that are e-girls you rape and torture until they are 30 so that they can become torture rapers themselves, complete with blood red skin tight leather catsuit and magical dildo that causes unbearable agony
There was the time when khalan was pregnant and considering abortion but then she got beaten and raped again
I also remember there being some cannibalism and dick eating
>There was the time when khalan was pregnant and considering abortion but then she got beaten and raped again
I don't think that she was raped, but she was beaten almost to death
>she was beaten almost to death
lmao that happens like once per book, goodkind honestly could not allow a single woman in the entire series to go unraped
Midwit is and always has been an insult for insecure brainlets who feel normal insults don’t praise themselves enough.
Find better insults.
have a nice day midwit :^)
I’m sorry about your self esteem issues, fren
Nice projection, pal
Nah, seems accurate for someone who can’t even throw an insult without trying to suck themselves off
Gonna keep crying lil baby boy?
Now there’s the projection.
Hope those self esteem issues sort themselves out, fren.
Booo hoo lil baby boy needs his momma’s milk. Waaaah
Wouldn't you be able to edit the 53 films together into a TV show?
Literally could not finish the last book. I liked the first three, but wow, that last one was garbage. Probably just because I was much older when I read it, but still.
>like Amazon
tell me you're an obese moron without telling me you're an obese moron
A faithful adaptation of Malazan would make tens of billions.
But what was Galbatorix's tax policy?
It's an ok YA fantasy but as a work of literature it's a fricking spit in the face of fantasy.
It's insane how generic it is, I genuinely would believe he had ChatGPT write it had that been a thing when it was written.
Temeraire mogs this garbage to oblivion. I'm genuinely surprised hollywood has never done anything with Temeraire. Its about dragons in the fricking napoleonic era and there's even ESG moments in the books where they go to China and Turkey and shit.
A tv series could be a fantasy sharpe/hornblower.
So it will naturally never happen, because we can’t have nice things.
>A faithful TV adaptation
>helmed by a studio like amazon
pick one
riyria trilogy is pretty good and I would like an adaptation of it
it also has juuust enough powerful women and nogs that it could conceivably be able to get made unscathed
The 2nd book eldest is actually really good I read it like 5 times as a child anyone here who doesn't think so didn't read it as a kid which is the intended audience...
I remember 1/2 being very addicting. Then he took like 15 years to finish his series and by then my balls had dropped and I cared more about girls than a dragon story.
Dragon sex
>Sexual tension between a giant female dragon and a human teenager
What did the writer of this book have in mind?
Roran's plotline was so much better.
Last time Amazon tried to do high fantasy we got Rings of Power which was somehow worse than Nu-Wars.
So would they muttify Sabriel or Touchstone?
not that it’s ever going to happen, because the author told hollywood to frick off when they offered to adapt it but not give him any creative input
I didn't know. Based Garth Nix
I loved him as a boy and I was sad to see all of my other favorite stories get muffified. If they really wanted diversity they could give us an adaptation of wizard of earthsea but they are more interested in race bending classic White characters
I hope they don't get their hands on the Silmarillion or any of Tolkien's little known short stories now that his son has passed
If there’s one good thing about that Percy Jackson adaptation, it’s that it redpilled a lot of authors about the fact they ain’t JK and are going to get relegated to the b***h seat unless they have an ironclad contract.
Though given the hilarity of riordan cucking out later down the line, it’s now got two good things I suppose.
I think they would make the young man black and the girl obnoxious, cut out Mogget for not being edgy
Does anyone remember this series that basically only weird fat chicks read in middle school? I always wondered how cringe it was.
Obviously I was a redwallgay myself.
I read this and stopped because the plot was moving no where. It went from anthro animals politicing to eldritch horror to cheesy romance too quickly There were only a few good spinoffs written by other people and they killed the most based characters too soon.
Good for you preferring redwall
I'm trying to find a job where I can listen to my headphones all night so I can listen to audiobooks all night, might try out some redwall again. Shits a pain in the ass though anyone got any ideas for me?
Only one I can think of is night watchman though I had a substitute teacher in hs that just listened to audio books the whole time while the kids fought
Idk if I would recommend being a supply teacher though because in my country there's a lot of education you have to pass
you sound like a burger and a NEET so look into a security job with Securitas, easiest but most boring money you'll ever make in your life. if you get a night job you can make like 20 an hour just sitting on your ass and walking a little bit every few hours.
>you sound like a burger and a NEET
yes I'm based, how could you tell?
Redwall has some interesting ideas about race. Basically, 99% of the time a character's race determines whether or not they are a criminal.
I read part of the first and it felt bizarre.
I do miss when young adult fiction respected the intelligence of its audience more. Narnia,Underland Chronicles,Predator Cities quartet,and a series of unfortunate events all had thematic and character depth,arcs, and intrigue (not on the level of classical literature except Narnia, but still good introduction to reading for young people). A lot of sci fi/fantasy classic writers also wrote for teens (Heinlein,Tolkien,Asimov,etc)
Adapt the Predator Cities quartet (not the shit movie) or the Underland Chronicles instead.The tripods trilogy,Narnia (not the unfinished movies), his dark materials (even though it is new atheist writing) would make better YA material.
A faithful adaptation of literally any pop fantasy book would be a hit, but tv screenwriters are arrogant and always change the story unnecessarily to piss of the faithful nerds
It's been a LONG time since I've read it, but I recall him writing himself into a corner with the magic system
>mages can cast an easy, free spell to give you an aneurism and instantly kill you
>now every fight has to have mages protecting non-mages from free instakill attacks
one of the few books i ever read
i liked it
Dragons are fricking gay and so is this book series
A product of it's time
Dragons are cool when they're an ancient race of villains who do their own thing.
Not him, but I hate animalistic dragons who have no agency. Think GoT dragons
I agree but it can be kino sometimes. Like beowulf
Beowulf is awesome I agree, but I guess I like scheming dragon
Tolkien's dragons are a top-tier example. I like it when I can see the ancient association with both cunning and wisdom that some myths give the giant serpent
Can reptiles feel emotion? I always see videos of people with pets humanizing them and making them out to look like they show affection, but I can't really see it.
Same bro, it feels like they can't emote but they are very smart, I wonder if that's what makes them excellent villain
I was on e reading g some shit in mythology and there was some Japanese lore that said when the buddhe died the only animals that didn't cry were the snakes and the cats lel.
They, amphibians, and fish do have complicated emotions but not on the scale of us.
Every time someone makes something about dragons they always revolve the stories around them. Would be nice to have them as side things sometimes.
>faithful TV adaptation
lol fricking bookmorons doesn't know now how adaptations to film or tv works
I read the two name of the wind books in 7th grade and was shocked at the chapters dedicated to fairy sex
Are the goodkind books the one where the mc gets captured and gets tortured by some chick who uses a whip type thing that when she touches him with it he is in agonizing pain, and when she's done with him he is basically immune to pain? Read a few of the books in this series and can't remember what they were called.
thats more or less the first book
Damn I read the first 2 or 3 and I remember them being pretty great, my girlfriend at the time loved them too and we actually got the books from her female cousin. I bet women eat that shit up.
Yes, the Sword of Truth series. you're thinking of Wizard's First Rule, first book
>Denna tapped the Agiel against his chest and back as she continued walking around him. Each touch of it was like a dagger knifing into him. Each touch made him cry out in pain and twist on the chain; and he knew she hadn’t even really begun yet. The first day was still not over, and there would be many more to come. He cried at his helplessness.
>Richard imagined his sense of self, his dignity, as a living thing, saw it in his mind. He imagined a room. A room that was impervious to anything, to any harm. He put his dignity, his self-respect, into that room, and locked the door. No one would have a key to that door. Not Denna, not Darken Rahl. Only him. He would endure what was to come, for as long as it was to come, without his dignity. He would do what he had to, and someday he would unlock the door, and be himself again, even if it was only in death. But for now, he would be her slave. For now. But not always. Someday, it would end.
>Denna took his face in both her hands and kissed him, hard. Hard enough to make his cut lip throb and sting. She seemed to enjoy the kiss more when she was sure it hurt him. She took her face from his, her eyes wide with delight. “Shall we begin, my pet?” she whispered.
>“Please, Mistress Denna,” he whispered, “don’t do this.”
>Denna began showing him what the Agiel would do, how if she dragged it lightly across his flesh, it raised fluid-filled welts, and how if she pressed a little harder, they filled with blood. When she bore down, he could feel warm wetness on his sweaty skin. She could also make the exact same pain without leaving a mark. His teeth hurt from gritting them so hard. Sometimes she would stand behind him, waiting until he was off guard before she touched it to him. When she tired of that she made him close his eyes and keep them closed while she walked around him, pressing it against him or dragging it around his chest.
Kino. She fell in love with him and he ended up killing her, right? He should've boned her.
>He should've boned her.
He did, multiple times. Granted, she forced him to, but it still counts, and Kahlan was butthurt about it for a very long time.
bonemind
>He should've boned her
oh he did, many times
Richard has to be the most blessed protagonist ever, even when he loses and is being tortured endlessly, he still gets to frick the hottest women in the land. I blame goodkind for corrupting my young mind and giving me a bunch of weird submissive sexual fantasies honestly, I was way too young to be reading that shit and girls aren't usually into dominating.
anyone else remember the evil chicken?
>Hissing, hackles lifting, the chicken’s head rose. Kahlan pulled back. Its claws digging into stiff dead flesh, the chicken slowly turned to face her. It wienered its head, making its comb flop, its wattles sway. “Shoo,” Kahlan heard herself whisper. […] In that instant, she completely understood the concept of a chicken that was not a chicken. This looked like a chicken, like most of the Mud People’s chickens. But this was no chicken. This was evil manifest.
Honestly, despite the memes I actually thought the "chicken that wasn't a chicken" part was handled pretty well, especially in comparison to Goodkind's overall mediocre writing skills. The scene where Kahlan is trapped in a hut with a dead body and the chicken is fricking terrifying.
before this thread 404s I've every much enjoyed this goodkino discussion, it's not often I get to talk about this absolute schizophrenic guropile of a series,I'd dare say it's a hidden gem for people who enjoy a good bit of schlock. definitely not going to let my kids read it at 12 years old like I did though
Me too bro, I haven't really met anybody else that's actually read these books, and it was a lot of fun talking about them. Maybe couple weeks I will try to get another thread going under legend of the seeker
What exactly is the difference between Young Adult literature and regular adult literature? Is it sex and gore? Jules Vernes and Arthur Conan Doyle didn't have sex (in their books), does it maka them YA authors?