>Intended to be first of a trilogy
>2nd movie is a prequel
>Vaughn planned a larger interconnected spy-themed universe comprising the Kingsman franchise, the Argylle films, and an unnamed third franchise.
>His intention was to have the different franchise culminate in an Avengers-style crossover movie in the future
>Argylle is projected to gross $15–20 million in its opening weekend, needs $500m worldwide to breakeven
What went catastrophically wrong?
 UFOs Are A Psyop Shirt $21.68 |
 |
UFOs Are A Psyop Shirt $21.68 |
Casting Cena for one.
can't see Cena on the poster tho..
Everyone should go see it or something else playing rn to support your local theater. A shit ton are gonna go under this year because of flops like this.
Couldn't I just go to the theatre and buy their overpriced concessions?
You could.
Frick theatres.
Torrent that shit in 4k and watch it on your OLED in your boxers while snacking on paprika flavoured crisps and PIzza.
the more flops, the more likely movies will go straight to streaming and therefore easier to torrent
But they'll also be significantly shittier.
>Everyone should go see it or something else playing rn to support your local theater. A shit ton are gonna go under this year because of flops like this.
good movies suck, theatres also suck.
No frick them. Don’t forget like a year and a half ago you needed to be vaccinated with three boosters and paper documentation just to get in. They can fricking close now frick them.
LMAO, not my problem, should have told woke Hollywood israelites to stop bashing Trump, and I am NOT a Trump supporter
Good.
Can't justify going to the cinema unless it's guaranteed to be entertaining, ticket prices are insane
The problem is Argylle doesn't mean anything. So if you're going to start a brand new IP, it's always high-risk to go with a completely random name that doesn't offer any hints about the theme/genre etc. And for those who saw the trailer, knowing Cavill is just a made-up character by post-prime, manatee-mode BDH just raises the bar of entry even higher.
Also that hairdo wtf
You want a new Spider-Man again? Then stfu.
Elizabeth are you still mad?
The name of the film is obviously referencing the argyle pattern on the poster.
And?
Are you a moron?
Only women and gays know about this shit, kys.
or people who googled Argyle and got nothing put tose patterns, you fricking Black person
Surely the poster uses the pattern because of the name of the film not the other way around
we don't say that word here
patterns?
>knowing Cavill is just a made-up character by post-prime, manatee-mode BDH just raises the bar of entry even higher
That was literally the reason why I decided not to watch it. Alan Wake for wine aunts.
but the actual twist is that he is real but works for kingsman.
Doesn't matter, the things we see him do on screen were imaginary.
>that hairdo wtf
My karate teacher in the early 00's had that same exact haircut
i would rather watch a movie about that guy
getting drunk and beating his gf kino
Live-action Hank Hill hair
>Cavill
he's only in the film for a few minutes total
Jennifer Coolidge as the manatee woulda sold
>The problem is Argylle doesn't mean anything
Damn youre stupid
Pajeets are too busy with elections to shill the movie.
These movies are fricking shit all of them
kek this
>implying pajeets enjoy colourful and comedic western movies like this
They get enough of that from their own Bollywood movies. That's why they're so obsessed with Snyder and movies of that kind, because they're the opposite of Bollywood and a fresh breath of air for them.
If they had just made the book within the movie as a movie, it would have worked
>$500m worldwide to breakeven
So budget plus marketing is $250M?
Apple said the movie budget was $200M, and marketing was likely at least $50M
cavill bros we are so back
Jesus H. Cavill
He’s in the movie for five minutes. Bryce Dallas is the main character.
the writer went wrong, just look at what he's done in the past
Taylor Swift?
>spyshit is generally boring
>Vaughn's lolsorandum but "gentlemany, old sport" humor went out during the 10s
>Cavill looked ridiculous and everyone knew he was going to be in it for 5 minutes
>already coming out of the gate with "we're gonna have more stories to tell, wink wink nudge nudge, maybe something of a cinematic universe, hmph" when even the MCU is struggling
There was no chance this was ever going to be a hit. I'll just watch it and jerk off to Mummy Bryce.
>Cavill looked ridiculous and everyone knew he was going to be in it for 5 minutes
This is the big one. The marketing is dishonest pushing him so hard in it, but a glance at the premise makes it pretty clear he won't actually be in it much.
A Cavill spy film could be kino
A Cavill cameo in a spy film about some brainwashed woman is lame
Oh and the hair is stupid
>A Cavill spy film could be kino
Man from UNCLE was kino so Vaughn fricking knew this. What a fricking idiot.
Vaughn is so badly and always mogged by his superior Guy Ritchie it's really impressive
>His intention was to have the different franchise culminate in an Avengers-style crossover movie in the future
Vaughn must have been high as frick when he came up with this shit, no one wants these cinematic universes anymore but Hollywood is still chasing the dream of the giga franchise
Not high. Smart. He knew what to tell to studios. He knew this would bomb and all the followup plans would die.
So this one was made to be as big cash grab as possible
>Smart
good answer. all "A-list" directors do this, including guy ritchie. they never know when the free money spigot will turn off so they keep doing "one last con". what's perplexing is that they do a really bad job which puts in question whether they'll be trusted again with a huge budget. you would like that after the kingsman prequel flopped, they would cut him off but no, they let him direct yet another movie! and same goes for guy ritchie, he just keeps making one flop after the next and is still being funded. zero accountability. everyone's lost their minds or we live in a fake reality. none of this matters.
Issue is. Studios dont catch up. And these guys get chanse after chanse.
Long are gone days where bomb and they are gone.
It's a bit tricky that directors resort to that trick but no way. Streaming platforms have enough money to waste on failed projects so...
>our-guy-el
Some redditbrains loved it
This guy is seriously annoying as frick to listen to, he has the kind of voice you used to hear on shitty morning 'edgy comedy' radio shows
He has gotten so fricking fat.
funniest shit is he reuses clips from 10 years ago all the time in his videos so he constantly reminds his fanbase how fat he's gotten.
if you post about it on his forums it's an insta ban.
Even these positive reviews make it seem like a slog, plus its 2h20m, a bloated fat pig like it's lead character
kek
Ya another thing is people are legit looking at movie time length and we are not seeing > 2 hour movie without impeccable reviews. Its getting abusive how long movies are getting.
>Austin Powers without punchlines
>the punchlines are what made Austin Powers iconic
groovy baby.jpeg
The sandman we need
>What went catastrophically wrong?
Hiring Henry Cavill.
Cavill, Rockwell, Jackson could be good, maybe Cena. Dua Lipa is okay if she can act and is hot in it. The rest of the cast seem crap though.
cavill was unironically the best thing about this shitshow him and rockwell tbh
Why does Matthew Vaughan keep making the exact same fricking mistakes in his movies? King's Man was a bomb and this'll be the same no doubt
i didn't bother watching the third one after the second one just sucked.
the guy clearly wants to make a bond film so bad.
>I can't wait to see this movie!
>I'm so excited I'm going to go see it in the theater!
>runtime 2 hr 19 min
>guess I'm waiting for streaming.
>feelsbadman
Same. I'd be willing to give it a shot if it was around 90 minutes
It’s impossible to even make a 90 minute movie
Do you have IBS?
Cavill looks like a Thunderbirds puppet here
I hope they make twelve of these. I just want to see fat BDH doing acrobatics ffs
>mfw whirlybird
I think audiences are hungry for the return of tight, well structured, 90 minute one and done's.
All the massive franchises that were nostalgia baited with these days started out like that, with the exception of Star Wars I suppose, so you can always expand and sequelize them if they do well.
Trying to jump start an entire interconnected media empire off of the back of one film that has to make a billion out the gate is just moronic and never works, yet they never learn.
If a movie is good people don’t want it to end. The one and only thing that matters is quality. Not length, not franchise, not genre.
The longer a movie is the more likely something will go wrong, this just an unavoidable matter of complexity, the skill level required to make a good 2.30 hour movie that is also able to retain modern audience's attention span is much higher than that for a shorter movie.
Also, movies are expensive and chaotic. A good director, script, or actor isn't a guarantee of a good movie. This is why you will notice that the more a studio and producers are involved in directly making decisions the shorter a film tends to be. They figured out the perfect 90 minute formula in the 80's and made sure films conformed to them to minimize risk of creating a bad product. It is only when a director has certain level of clout that they tend to be allowed to break from the formula, and for every auteur who can reliably bring home the bacon beyond that rigid Hollywood formulation you have like 20 who crashed and burned and spent the rest of their career in Romcom purgatory before dipping out of the industry.
I'm grateful somebody here seems to understand a little about how movies are made. kudos to you, anon.
Absolutely this. 90-100 minutes is the sweet spot. Rare great epics used to be 2.5 to 3+ hours, but now everyone seems to think if they make their movie that long it will automatically be 'an epic'. But they are usually 90 minutes of content padded out to tedious lengths.
This is also a good comment. I missed this kind of publications on Cinemaphile
I think a non significant amount of anons either work in industry or just have done research of something they love
Cinemaphile is now /b/ so it's just drowned out by the tourist threads
Bullet Train was perfect. One story, one good. fun action popcorn movie. And even that was a bit long, but I'll forgive it because it was good.
If someone now announces a Bullet Train cinematic universe I'm going to kill myself.
>Bullet Train was perfect
It leaned way too much on comedy and the entire third act is shit
Even with its many flaws it was more entertaining and fun than most movies that come out nowadays
Watch more movies, seriously.
The cgi was the worst aspect. I wasn't intending on watching it, but it was far better than I expected.
It had style, maybe overstayed its welcome a tad, but something about it seemed refreshing in its smaller scale.
Compare to Napoleon, and it shows everything rotten with the old system.
A midbudget A direct to streaming pretty good movie is miles above the AAA historical epic stinker
that movie should've been 80 mins tops and cut half the shitty villians and focuses on the interrcial brothers and you had kino.
dumb low iq zoomer
Bullet Train was Reddit The Movie. Cringe comedy.
The real question is, how hot is BDH in this movie? Thin or thick, she's a goddess
it's the fattest she's ever been in something. I loved it.
Thanks anon. That's all I needed.
Almost bursts her mom jeans
hnngngnngnn
Every time the camera shoots her from behind I bust a nut.
Brap Dallas Howard
Guy Ritchie and Matthew Vaughn are just churning out they same movie but just changing slightly enough so they same they are different
forgot pic
Why can't she maintain her weight?
Her power is growing beyond what her mortal frame can sustain.
because her being hefty means she won't be appealing to those long nosed hollywood execs that prey on women. She knows the types of people her father rolled around with.
her core fanbase are middle age fat women and gays. pic rel.
you do know that's the audience for The Kelly Clarkson Show, not The Bryce Dallas Howard Show, right, stupid?
I wish I'd taken a pic with my phone in the theater when she was in the hotel room after her shower and her thighs and fupa were on full display in those tight jeans. all the boob shots in the last third were appreciated, and I liked the pov shot when they were doing the whirlybird dance at the end and her face was right in Rockwell's crotch
kinokinokino
Thank you for the top tier review anon, this is all I wanted to be in the movie and will be downloading it immediately
Good lord
I want this movie to do well solely for the fact that she can keep this up and maintain that shape
She looks so tender
oh my holy jesus lord in heaven above
Chunga
The marketing seemed off-base. It seems marketed to women what with pretending Taylor Swift wrote it etc, but spy action flicks are usually male centric. Plus that cat is gay.
Maybe focus on making a good self-contained movie first, instead of letting the viewers know right away that you're a thirsty gay and you're going to milk them dry with trilogies and interconnected homosexualry.
It was a self-contained movie. The hypothetical prequel will have a completely different cast and time period.
I didn't even realize this was a theatrical release, I thought it was one of those streaming service catalogue filler movies.
It's both, will be gayging up Apple's catalog in 6 weeks or so. I guess these new streaming studios thought they could double dip with their shitty straight to streaming movies if they gussied them up a bit.
Premise is gay and overused. The Lost City with Sandra Bullock is basically the same movie. Muh writer predicts future with her work and becomes high value target. Frick off, as a writer myself I can say writers dont make interesting central figures most times.
>I can say writers dont make interesting central figures most times.
It's context that matters most. Alan Wake in the original game, Paul Sheldon in Misery - there are opportunities to do something really interesting but Hollywood is bereft of any decent writers or thinkers instead returning to the low risk tried and tested formulas that circle the drain and appeal to the lowest common denominators.
Norman in Sphere
>ARSEPYLE
shit-all people even seen it
Didn't they make this same movie a couple years ago but it was a lady who wrote romance novels?
Not really sure how anyone could see the CGI cat falling that has a prominent spot in every trailer and get excited to see this. BDH also seemed like she was THE main character in this movie but then on the poster she's not even in the front three. What a marketing disaster, you can't even say that it was under-marketed. I see trailers for this pretty often on TV, they just have no idea what to do but then you have to think this rests a lot on Matthew Vaughn just being an absolute hack of an action director. Hoping this is the one that forces to stop doing his shit tier movies.
About that how much of that disguting shit color woman appears in the film? I don't want another wienery bossy ugly woman role ruining a fun experience again.
Henry Cavill and Dua Lipa are playing the in-universe fictional characters and are basically just cameos. They collectively have less than 10 minutes of screentime.
Such cringe
Barely 5 minutes. I was pleasantly surprised. Of course we wish the quota wasn't there at all but it's honestly based how masterfully they played the game of meeting the bare minimum and absolutely nothing more.
>dua in for no reason
>cavill looking too old
>moronic trailer
>token black characters without any actual character, good lines, or use other than to fulfill position
>sam rockwell in same role as that hitman movie with the pitch-perfect b***h, except without the red clown nose
>cena the chicom-lover in yet another meaningless role
yet another example of "movieslop"
Hold the frick up.
>some mulatto dyke with a bad haircut beside BDH
No thanks
She's in the movie for probably less than one minute of screen time.
Yeah which makes it even sadder they had to include her for ESG points.
This is how normal people talk.
Ok? We’re on Cinemaphile rn btw? If you wanna hang out with normies take your troony ass to XTwitter and kvetch there about your pronouns not being respected at Denny’s. Imagine defending Woke Hollywood in 2024?
Tell me what's woke about this movie you haven't watched.
I love it when esg is done as lazily and cynically as possible.
My favorite is still remnant 2. First 10 minutes you get sassy black girlboss. Magical asian girl. Both of them are front and center. It's woke overload.
Then both of them disapear from game and you see them occasionally minute or two.
True. Her and Samuel L. Jackson. Their spots on the poster should be occupied by Katherine O'Hara and Brian Cranston, who have huge roles and a ton of screen time.
Yeah I figured that from the trailer too but they didn’t want to frontload the promotion with too many white peoples of course.
Is it even normal that Cavill fricks all the actresses he stars in films with?
The unnamed third franchise in question is the critically-lauded Johnny Depp vehicle, Mortdecai.
#MadAtMort
>not Argyle, Argylle
Frick off.
Maybe the Twisted Mind of Matthew Vaughn needs to shut the frick up
The aesthetic of the movie is fricking corny and the trailer doesnt give you any idea what it’s about besides being a le quirky reddit funni spy!!! movie about a character named Argylle xD
It’s Mordecai 2.0
> From the twisted mind of Matthew Vaughn
Kingsmen is arguably the worst franchise ever. I just mean how like imagine needing to be attached to this scene or all the bad vibes to it I can't remember what this means just a lot of random people murdered in a church made to look like the coolest thing ever that random people are just murdered in a church. That bad vibe has to follow this guy forever he can't ever have another hit movie.
Correct. It seemed like an inherently evil scene to me too, and I'm not even a conservative or even a religious person. It is a direct blow against the conservative people of the south of the USA.
He set it up to show the people being bad so you root for the killing to happen, or think in the back of your head, "They deserve it!1!"
Show me a director with balls enough to do that scene in a crowded grocery store or an amusement park or something, where everyone is just going about their day & are nice.
I know he showed snippets of people at the beach, but that is not the same as what he did in the church.
They want you to root for the violence. To think, Church goers deserved it. It is cheap.
He did similar with the second one, making the President the way he did.
Yes, you know, those people deserved it because they are against abortion. This kind of writing is pathetic. It's a shame because Vaughn is talented but also a liberal cuckold.Don't want other directors who handle violence had shown those colors like he did
>Vaughn is talented
He's a second rate and always will be. Stylized mediocrity.
> poltard wants a movie with a school shooting so he can self insert as one of his murderous alt-Right heroes.
No.
>le pol
obsessed
I was always deeply put off by the church scene, I could never understand why redditors hyped it up
because killing of organised religion
the reality was that they were going nuts with some device anyway.
because it was done in a stylistic way with lots of pausing then speeding up. it was "visually rich" in that it was comedic, but still gritty. lots of random shit happening, but it all fit together like a puzzle. similar to jackie chan fight scenes and gags. most have forgotten by now that the church was supposed to be a parody of the real-life "hate group" known as westboro baptist church.
i didn't really like kingsman 1 upon first viewing and thinking about it. the whole part about them leaving the main guy to get shot in the head outside that church made no sense, they just left his body there. we're shown these agents doing incredible feats but then they also die in the stupidest ways. that includes the guy who dies in the beginning in the ski lodge, he's this incredible acrobat but the knife-for-feet lady just sneaks up on him and slices him in half. stupid shit. main guy survives the church shooting but walks out and is easily cornered by the lisping black guy and two guards. weak and inconsistent.
also, kingsman 1 shows no fight training for the new potential recruits including the eggy guy, he's seen early on as a coward who runs away from the bar fight, but by the end he's this amazing fighter who takes out everyone wtf. i can understand why feminists say male characters are also "gary sues" with unrealistic abilities, if only they just focused their criticism on shit like kingsman.
the entire choreography of Kingsmen sucked dick
>action scenes are simultaneously sped up and slowed down
>camera is being shaken like a badly behaved baby
whoever is ultimately responsible for the choreography should never do action movies
I'm still perplexed by the fact that this all stems from the "success" of the first Kingsman film.
Am I missing something? It grossed $400 mil worldwide, which I suppose is fine for a random film based on an IP no one's ever heard of but they acted like it was the hottest shit ever and immediately planned this whole elaborate series as if the first one made a billion or something.
This is a spin-off of a series the plebs barely noticed to begin with whose connection to the previous films isn't even made explicit in the title or marketing. The frick did they expect?
I think directors like Vaughn and Matt Reeves think they are genius visionaries and they get treated as such by the studios, but they are mediocre directors rehashing old hit movie hit tropes like a wedding dj. Every one up and down the chain of command is brainwashed by their past successes.
Includes David Cohen and James Gunn. It's funny how these generation x directors share a similar style, music, humor, etc. but in the end they are superficial
Who the frick is David Cohen?
Powername for Taika Watiti.
It's because they confuse moving pictures they like to stare at (Ikea Directors) with actual good movies. Quentis Tarantula is one of them (with the odd good movie).
They are "popular" with the current system because they run a base formulae that is more hit than miss (or used to be), are cheap to produce and make, and the studios make money. They are at best, candy wrappers or house painters. Not real directors or artists.
They are NOT popular because they are good directors, or writers. Gunn especially.
Every year im more amazed with sam raimi and his attitude
Blame directors like Kevin Smith, the Wachowskis, Michael Bay, Zach Snyder and of course Rian Johnson. These morons have ruined films and there’s no going back.
Statesmen had real spin-off potential if they hadn't fricked that up in kingsman 2. then the kingsman prequel just killed all further interest in kingsmen movies. No, i'm not speaking just for myself, the data proves it.
Why do a lot of these Matthew Vaughn, Guy Ritchie types get a boner for films about writers who do action films, and simultaneously give us what the writer's movie is looking like? Do they think we really care about le struggle of writing?
another box office flop for that moron cavill
he will NEVER be bond.
He is not the guilty that is his agent.
>he will NEVER be bond.
that's coz he only fricks fresh dicky not old hags like that brocolli b***h.
>he will NEVER be bond.
he had a great role in mission impossible but tom killed his charcter. Caville shouldve negotiatedbetter.
He had good role in terms of memes and mustache wearing Cavill, but narratively August Walker (awesome name) was catastrophically incompetent, I really hated that not once he ever had a moment where he would save Hunt. Instead throughout this film he owed him life multiple times. And almost sabotaged himself twice.
nobody will ever remember him in Man from Uncle
He was good in that, but that movie felt like a parody of the actual show.
If you dont open the thumbnail it looks like Jim Carrey with a buzzcut
Also why does Cavill have Cena style haircut here? Lmao
Of course not, only praise he gets is from fat geeks who don't even watch movies but suck him off beacuse he plays vidya and warslop[citation needed]
>In the film for 14 min
WHERE THE FRICK IS STATESMAN?
>200 million budget
how did this posh frick get the studios to greenlit this shit
By only using 50 million of that to make the actual film
What's up with the Vegeta haircut for Cavill?
Wildly high budget
>create Kingsman, a pretty successful movie about a secret organization hundreds of year olds with cool characters and quirks
>blow it up and kill everyone
>and do the exact same in the sequel
what the frick is wrong with this moron? How many times have MI6 been annihilated completely?
Mmm the Mission Impossible movies does that from the very beginning and literally doing it again in the two parter. But that’s the Tom Cruise franchise for you. But I agree Vaughn wanting to Rian Johnson the Kingsman movies every time is lame and gay.
>stupid title
>moron haircut
>bryce is fat
>tried to balance quirky (for the catmoms) with badass (for the men), and ended up appealing to no one
>What went catastrophically wrong?
It looks fricking stupid on the surface, like some spy movie parody like what those 2000's Scary Movie films were to Scream. Even Kingsman was iffy as far as taking it as something cool and not an Austin Power's parody but I think Samuel L. Jackson sold those movie to the public.
Argyle is proof that Cavil will never be bond unfortunately.
Show me one figure skater with Bryce's body type. That was the least believable part of the movie.
It’s physics. Her fat displaces weight to give her incredible balance.
I was going to see it but apparently Henry is barely even in the movie. How did it flop so bad and have such a cast?
Hollywood critics are hammering it.
The Argyll toys will sell the movie.
What is with those soulless eyes?
Oh my god this character could have been played by a genuine beauty instead of some Albanian b***h who looks like a troony.
Why would they cast dua as a character shaped like dexters mom, this is a god damn travesty
Why would they cast elderly John Cena as a character shaped like a cross between Buzz Lightyear and Johnny Bravo.
Aye true but at least Cena in his prime was somewhat like that, dua is a stick
Kek I'm pretty sure the sheboon's skin wasn't as dark as Samuel L Jackson.
>AYO WE WUZ HACKERZ N SHEEEIIT
Give me a break.
Yeah the whited out pupils are kinda creepy ngl. Are these Jaxx trying to be the new Funko Pops?
The Dua doll is giving me wood.
She’s 70% leg. At least they got the thunder thighs right.
>movie is just another Kingsman spinoff
Can Vaughn just do something else? The first Kingsman was fine, the 2nd was lousy and the 3rd was a flop. No one is killing for MORE Kingsman movies so idk how they even get funded
A medieval Kingsman film? It's certainly a bold idea... Would it work? You know what? Frick it, let's make it. We'll call it The Old Royal's Guard and get Michael Caine out of retirement to star in it.
>castle of villainous lord is besieged
>trebuchet is built and sends first rock flying
>it takes out the entire gatehouse, making it harder to enter
>"YOU WERE ONLY SUPPOSED TO BLOW THE BLOODY DOORS OFF"
>Caine describing the villain's defeat years later to a new generation
>"He got kicked, right in the nuts. His testicles swelled up so large. They were the size, of a tangerine"
>confused peasant looks to peasant next to him
>wot's a fookin' tangerine, m8?
>it's a kind o' cat, you arsehead
There was a 3rd Kingsman movie?
The King's Man was fine, they just needed to keep Rasputin alive longer. Don't know why people shat on the WW1 stuff.
Rasputin should obviously have been the main villain. Then once he's defeated it would have revealed who was pulling his strings, for the sequel that never comes.
> *standing ovation begins*
"Thank you. Thank you. You're too kind!"
>BDH holding a baby
What a machine, absolute unit
that's a cat, bro
I actually enjoyed this movie but Samuel L Jackson has made such an ass out of himself these past years I'm sick of seeing him. I wish Carl Weathers had been in his role, that would have been one hell of a final cameo.
sam l jackson is in everything and you're not the only one tired of seeing his ugly annoying face. same goes for that other one, the one who played god in bruce almighty, forget his name. yeah, carl weathers is underrated, was actually pleased to see him in mandalorian 1. he's gone now. too based for this gay world.
He was hilarious in Arrested Development.
>I wish Carl Weathers had been in his role, that would have been one hell of a final cameo.
what about Carls Jr? you would've been happy with that?
If it's good I'll be happy for our boy Cavill
He's basically me but with smaller hands and less charisma
>anon thinks he is charismatic
Woke has ruined movies for me. The last modern movie I watched was Top Gun Maverick. Even if a movie is deemed "not woke", it still has to be good.
"Lady! You sign! You sign!"
>needs $500m worldwide to breakeven
how is hollywood allowed to exist
Um no sweaty all religious people are evil. 90% of murders worldwide are committed in the name of religion.
Argyyle failed because it has a dumb name and had bad marketing. Disney would've made it work but NBC is incompetent at everything it does.
Having Bryce Dallas Howard as the lead role for one
The only good parts of this movie were Sam Rockwell's charisma, and Bryce's phat ass, especially the upskirts. Also the train scene that introduced Rockwell's character, that was good, I don't know why they didn't stick to that more grounded action. In the second half of the movie it devolves into weird ultra-CG bullshit that looks terrible, and they try to convince me that Mommy Bryce is an Olympic figure skater/assassin. I also predicted nearly the entire movie ten minutes in.
It's dogshit goyslop.When I saw the trailer, me and my gf looked at each other like "wtf is this homosexual shit?"
You can smell the israeliness a mile off.
>"Are you a warrior?"
>"Yes, I worry about everything."
People think this b***h wrote the book
>Wife asks to go see this movie
>Buy tickets
>Leave too early
>Decide to waste some time by going to GameStop for ten minutes
>See nothing worthwhile, only looked at a re-release of a couple of PS2 games briefly
>Grow annoyed by the manager constantly pushing their membership on people
>Leave
>Wife says that the place felt off, like she felt a wave of dread the moment she walked in, and that the whole place felt miserable
>Tell her that it's because everyone there was miserable, there are no good games anymore, which is why no one bought a game while we were there. People like me only return there due to habit, like zombies shuffling to the mall.
>Arrive at theater, 6:00 PM showing on a Friday, brand new movie opening
>No one else is there, no line for concessions
>Get some popcorn and sodas
>They give us choices of various commemorative cups and buckets (Saw, Captain Marvel, some other bullshit) for movies that aren't even in theaters anymore. They just want rid of them
>Go into empty theater, one of their RPX screens meant for big features
>Shown the same commercial for Disney World repeatedly, a depressing commercial with no music, showing people in mundane situations at the park
>Shown three commercials asking me to give money to black people
>Trailers begin playing
>Bad CG Furiosa movie
>Various "social justice" movies
>A movie called Civil War about Texas and California teaming up and breaking off from the united states, with an obvious Trump analogue as President, and heavy emphasis on anti-immigrant sentiment
>Movie starts
>Bryce Dallas Howard makes my PP the BIG PP
>Movie was terrible overall outside of one really good scene towards the beginning of the movie
Society might unironically be collapsing. I felt like I was walking through a dead culture all night. I think Hollywood is going to have an even worse year than 2023.
>I think Hollywood is going to have an even worse year than 2023.
They get what they fricking deserve
>ywn frick BDW from behind standing up in the shower
Look at that body. Fricking built for showerfricking
This is absolute hell. Thanks anon for the novel though.
I'm not going to see the movie but I do want to see BDH's scenes in it, especially where she looks plump. How long before we can expect webms?
There will 100% be webms of her in that gold dress she wears later in the movie. It's cut DEEP and she does a bunch of high kicks so you can look straight up it.
Please tell me she jiggles.
Nope, she had to have been taped the frick up.She has put on a significant amount of weight, if you happen to be into that.
Perfect.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/q1g2gsGW-MA
*flips page*
Bad omen for 2024
>What went catastrophically wrong?
I chose not to go to the Cinema and watch it once I learned Cavil is only in the movie for like 4 minutes or something and that his entire sequence is make believe and that the woman "Author" is actually a Spy with Amnesia.
Sounded gay as frick.
BDH bros, is she on ozempic?
did we lose her?
she looks like fricking shit
Is it Joever????
>Bryce Dallas Howard, 42, reveals she has 'retired' from talking about her weight as she gets candid on shaming: 'My focus is on what my body is doing'
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-13040269/Bryce-Dallas-Howard-retired-talking-weight.html
she's tired of us mentioning her weight...
I would never disrespect her if she were to become my Queen. I'd give her the name Gwendolyn. It'll be like King Arthur story.. except the cuckold bit.
>this talentless dweeb is her husband
>i watch a frickton of movies and shows, only seen him in Arrow as the escaped mental patient
It baffles me why these women settle for complete weirdos. Maybe love is truly real or they're all swinging couples.
yeah, hard to say. could be some weird shit going on, this is hwood and L.A. we're talking about. maybe bryce isn't as sexual as we think. she does show her cleavage a lot but doesn't give off the super-bawd "vibe". but as for this particular movie, the main issue it seems is that it looks too campy, like a wannabe action comedy version of that other sandra bollocks "i'm a writer" flick, forget the name. didn't see it. brad pitt did a cameo i believe or was it chaning tatum. let me look it up
(i'm only posting this so i don't get banned)
Wait this homosexual guy is her husband? What the absolute frick? Even
this I kinda get because white women like to virtue signal by marrying guys of color but seriously if told me BDH was married to a Southern football chad who’s team won the Super Bowl five times I’d believe you. Also what’s with CW show actors and everyone connected to famous and rich people and yet looking like sex pests? That whole NXXIUM cult Smallville controversy not related of course?
I watch for she.
she's in it for like five minutes, it's basically a cameo. if you saw the trailer that's as much as she's in the movie.
why she got plastic film on her teef
the trailer made it look like pure shit
especially the bit with the CGI cat bouncing up off a trampoline or whatever
cringe
That cgi cat bit looked cringe from a decades ago. Like yes we get it it’s 2006 again with Kangaroo Jack sfx bullshit that only makes it in the trailer and 2002 PS2 games called and wants it’s CGI cutscenes back. Thanks.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest came out in 2006 and cgi in that looks amazing. We have regressed.
>another multi hundred-million dollar flop
doesn't matter since hwood gets money from wall st. and wall st gets free unlimited money from the federal reserve. clown movie for a clownworld.
That was easily the worst scene in the whole movie. It doesn't even fit within the rest of the film, they literally draw a heart in the air with gun fire, nothing else that cartoonish happens (even the stupid oil skating scene).
too many celebs: poster looks like movie 43 or some shit to bait dumb fricks who count the people they know on the poster as a source of excitement
Movie43 used to be a meta joke meme but it’s crazy it’s been the standard of movies going forward not the outlier. Like even then people groaned it was an even crappier Scary Movie clone when those movies just kept getting shitted out and with all the names involved it felt like some Hollywood blackmail scheme to launder money for some Israeli billionaires. But look at today’s wokecrap? How else can you explain it as nothing but some Ponzi pyramid scam using films as the catalysts? After watching the trailer for Argylle I thought it was some joke cooked up in an AI blender. The fact it’s a spin-off from the Kingsmen series is even more moronic too.
To extend. Some projects are wealth transfer. How else you explain amazon soending like drunken sailors to stuff that sucks and nobody watches.
Probably there is presure to share wealth among your peers if you become successful at certain level.
In art scene that is talked quite bit. Where rich people buy shirty painting from children of other rich kids.
The girl being saved by a hero and dragged around on an adventure trope is so lame and gay. The problem is this will kill the spy genre faster than Jane Bond and it had mostly white people in the cast which will not happen so much from now on. Fricking Vaughn you fricking homosexual hack. Kingsman 2 was pretty bad but this is just taking the cake.
>The girl being saved by a hero and dragged around on an adventure trope is so lame and gay
She is the super spy turbo-badass, this is revealed about halfway through the movie and by the climax she is an unstoppable killing machine. The problem is that BDH's physique, while beautiful, does not lend itself to over the top fight scenes. I honestly thought that the end of the movie was going to be that she was either having a mental breakdown or was just working through her next book in her head and it was all in her imagination.
>42 yr old woman with obvious mom-bod is a secret turbo-spy with amnesia
stupidest part of this movie, and i haven't seen it nor do i intend to. yet another feminist flick, and they didn't even bother to release it on vday weekend so at least some betasimps get brow-beaten into taking their landwhale to see it. bdh looks OK but not in roles like this, even if it's supposed to be a comedy.
hope matt vaughn's career dies after this shitfest. dude got waaay too wienery.
I have woke fatigue.
movie was a slog, but not terrible
bryce and dua looked sexy as frick the whole movie
Kingsman had a lot of bad ideas so I’m not surprised Argylle does too. Like Vaughn should be reined in more he’s too much autistic for his own good. Don’t try to subvert expectations of the spy film just make an entertaining one.
>her face when I do the whirly bird
it's simple:
if Hwood made good movies and shows again, the goyim would feel inspired rather than demoralized. by making total goyslop shit, it helps keep the masses demoralized. it's also complex money-laundering. even if a movie like this flops, it counts as a long-term "asset" in their catalogue, they own the IP rights. they can also stream it, offer it on redbox, etc.
just look at that "haunted mansion" movie. disney made not just one but TWO movies about it. since these entertainment industry frickers have near-infinite free money they can do whatever they want.
I saw the first Haunted Mansion movie as a kid and thought it was ok. Can’t remember much other than Eddie Murphy gets cucked by a white man ghost and I feel the House on Haunted Hill series on Netflix were made in response. As for this new one I saw an ad on it for Disney Plus and Owen Wilson looked like he was improvising his dialogue which is never a good sign for a film.
>seeing this on Sunday with my normie gf
>she didn’t even know what Cinemaphile was when I mentioned it for the first time
>wanted to see Michael Mann’s Ferrari
>”babe, I want to see Argylle, the Ferrari trailer doesn’t even have any dialogue”
How can I make it look like an accident, bros?
Women love deceitful, condescending men.
It’s a tough call though. Mommy Bryce Dallas Howard Vs mommy Penelope Cruz. It’s win win regardless.
Last time a woman dragged me to a movie it ended up being way better than I expected (Wonka) so maybe have some hope, this was my mother rather than a girlfriend though
Sex with Dua Lipa
NYC israeliteess grace liked it.
>What went catastrophically wrong?
vaughn hasnt made a good film since stardust
>I used to be Superman, you know
>deadass vro i was supes ong
>WOW! it's movie about a female novelist, and you can also BUY the heckin novel that was in the movie, how neat is that??? i must consooooom
don't you LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE halloween?
similar movies about female novelist/writer and her male protector/agent:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freelance_(2023_film)
(also with cena, and has alison brie)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lost_City_(2022_film)
I hate ages female fantasies.
another House Party remake?!
i hope Vaughn gets sued for false advertising
He wont. Studio will write it off and he will get another chance
this
>woah, a spy comedy with Henry Cavill fricking Dua Lipa? sounds great
>AKSHULLY it's about a fat woman super spy and Cavill is only in the movie for 5 minutes
kill everyone in Hollywood
Checked the synopsis on movie spoiler.
Vogler tries to mind-control Elly using a music box to kill Aiden, but one of their former associates, Keira, shows up to whack Vogler over the head and break the music box.
Of course it has to be fricking girl power bullshit where the stronk wahmen unstoppable and the guy can only be saved with the intervention of another stronk wahmen.
Fricking Hollywood.
calm down, Shapiro
This dude normally has exquisite hair.
They fricked up royally by not exploiting that.
What a mistake-a to make-a
what went wrong?
I thought the trailer was alright
Plot too complex for Americans. The idea of a book world and a real world is too much when you've never seen a book.
How can something shot digitally with a ton of greenscreen, cost $200million before advertising
Hollywood accounting. It's why they're all moving to CGI and greenscreens even though they claim it's more expensive, because it's harder to do the accounting thing with union workers like prop makers and stuntmen, compared to telling the taxman that you've paid some code monkeys in a third world country 150million for your CGI and now your movie hasn't made any money, when in actuality you split that money with the code monkeys' boss and hid your share away in various shell corporations overseas.
$200m is what Apple paid for it once made, the production cost was half that
I thought from the advert that Argylle is the cat
It might have been more interesting as a talking cat movie
Just come back from watching it. Every single significant twist made the film worse, and there were a lot of twists. By the end of the film I didn't care about any of the characters.
That dress worn by Dua Lipa though, they got those camera angles down to the finest margins...
Demoralization will end this year. The ending of True Detective Season 4 is gonna break even to normies.
If Henry Cavill agrees to garbage like this then it's maybe for the best Daniel Craig became James Bond even after No Time To Die.
Are we actually expected to believe Sam Rockwell could life Bryce Dallas Howard over his head?
Is it a prequel to Kingsman, and that’s why SLJ is still alive?
No it's a multiverse story, this is a timeline where SLJ joined the Kingsmen instead of becoming a tech billionaire.