>Be king Theodin >Hire a guy named ‘disreputable liar’ to be your right hand man >disreputable liar is disreputable liar >everyone in the court is shocked
As much as I enjoy these jokes, Wormtongue isn't Grima's real name. Other people call him that because they don't like him.
>Orctank was designed by the same architect as the forces of Sauron use >this wasn't suspicious at all
>Gandalf: what an interesting arcitecture. I cant quite put my finger on it but it looks quite familiar
Many human structures from ancient times shared that same styling and dark black material. Like Minas Tirith's outer wall. It has strong properties not found in 'normal' building materials. It's a lost art only done by their ancestors, and hasn't been recreated. Isengard and Orthanc was an old Gondor fortress that eventually became disused and was locked up. Saruman went to the steward of Gondor and requested to live there and they happily gave him the keys.
He's riding Shadowfax, lord of all horses. The schism between horses and grass was initiated by the Valar after the first age. It's the same reason why horses wouldn't take the ring to Mordor.
in the books its supposed to look noticeably different, its white marble with streaks of black when gandalf first visits, then is covered in iron plating when treebeard besieges it. sauronman being le evil is slightly more shocking in the book since hes the wizard of many colors and lives in a big white castle. im not sure why they decided to make orthanc look just as evil and edgy as saurons tower
Most of the towers in Mordor were actually built by numenoreans trying to take over the territory.
true but wasnt saurons tower built by himself and the wraiths or something? the books describe it as impossibly huge, against all laws of physics and architecture, like a fantasy combine citadel. it falls apart when the ring is destroyed because the unearthly magic sustaining it goes away in that instant
>Be king Theodin >Hire a guy named ‘disreputable liar’ to be your right hand man >disreputable liar is disreputable liar >everyone in the court is shocked
Does Tolkien ever use "worm" in the snakey dragon sense in his works? It could be some double entendre joke that was obvious to him but none of his readers caught it
saruman gets salted pork, pipeweed and other provisions imported to his tower from Bree. you would know this if you had read the books, but you clearly have not.
*hits pipe*
expanded scene in the book. basically a whole chapter of gimli, legolas, pippin and mary smoking the frick up while munching on salted pork on top of the ruined walls of isengard. quite possibly the most comfy chapter in the entire book. legolas doesnt even smoke in the movies.....gay
For some reason return of the king filtered me hard as a kid. I loved the first two books but I never made it through return.
5 months ago
Anonymous
I always end up getting tired around the scouring of the shire but otherwise cant relate, two towers is probably the best book overall but return is prime kino, in alot of ways better than the movie. the battle of pelennor fields especially.
5 months ago
Anonymous
sam and frodo walking across the miles of mordor is a bit of a drag, even if things happen occasionally
5 months ago
Anonymous
yeah that part also kinda sucks I can understand getting filtered by that. i get that mordor is a desolate wasteland but they sure do alotta walking
thats the same artist as the original red DND module with the rust monster and Bargle right? man that cleric was thicc n sexy
it is indeed. some of his earlier artwork, so none of its colored
5 months ago
Anonymous
yeah, I definitely don't want to put someone off who hasn't read it and wants to
the books are kino and will deepen anyone's appreciation of what the movies were able to pull off
the scouring isn't too long, and I think it's a fun victory lap to show how the four hobbits have grown from the beginning of the story
but goddamn tolkien, how many times can you describe how hard it was for sam and frodo to take the next step or how bad they wanted a sip of water
>be grandelf >uh, saurons man, why are there so many orcs here? >haha you fool, you grey piece of shit, dirty pipeweed smoking homosexual, I've fooled you!
[...]
[...]
Many human structures from ancient times shared that same styling and dark black material. Like Minas Tirith's outer wall. It has strong properties not found in 'normal' building materials. It's a lost art only done by their ancestors, and hasn't been recreated. Isengard and Orthanc was an old Gondor fortress that eventually became disused and was locked up. Saruman went to the steward of Gondor and requested to live there and they happily gave him the keys.
>meme thread about making low effort jokes >sperg shows up to try and "correct" people
He taught me something new and cool I didn’t know. Kill your self autismo memelord. We can have funny laughs and real discussions at the same time but some sperg like you had to ruin it
>Hi, I'm here for the royal advisor interview. We spoke on the palantir. The graduate from Sauronsman Academy at Orthanc, with a major in inter-realm relations. That's right, Grim Wormtongue, nice to meet you!
>kings brother’s name is Daemon >dragon has Satan horns >looks like a weird nazi scientist >he is my brother that’s why I trust him! >ends up being a colossal butthole
>a colossal butthole >had as much claim to the throne as monke lady >was the only one who saw the scope of the Hand's master plan >only one willing to act before it was too late
You're a moron and your joke doesn't make sense
>Littlefinger >All of his fingers are a normal size >doesn't even (canonically) have a small target
what is the point of names like this? why bother leaving out one letter? is that supposed to make me believe its an aliens names that just so happens to sound alot like 'savage oppress'?
>Hey, my small dwarven friend Gimpli. Do you think we have to watch out for the murmuring creature Ghoul-Hum? >Of course, my sharp shooting companion L'eagle-Ace.
The sandworms are notoriously fickle and pretentious. >I came here to create spice not bear burdens.
And Sauron would have seen them coming. Keep in mind he has a big eye on a tower and sandworms are huge so he would have seen their sandy ripples miles away. with his big glowing tower eye.
Reminder that Anakin literally didn’t sleep for the rest of Episode 3 after the nightmare seen.
Kinda makes his questionable behavior a bit more understandable for a sleep-deprived man.
>nonono it's fine. no one knows what durin's bane actually is. it's probably just another dwarven exaggeration anyway onwards we press my trusty fellowship
>Frodo, did I ever tell you about Alfrid Lickspittle? He was a servant to the Master of Laketown in TA 2941, and later assisted Bard during The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies. He had more screentime than me and Gandalf. He was created by Peter Jackson on request by executives who wanted another comic relief character and was basically a clone of Wormtongue. He later dresses as a woman and hides in a catapult attached to a dead Troll. However, one of Alfrid's coins slips off his corset and falls on the catapult lever. The coin acts as counterweight, throwing Alfrid inside the troll's mouth. Both Alfrid and the troll are asphyxiated and die horribly humiliating deaths then and there. He was a good friend.
>be born >dumbass parent's name you "mouth of sauron" >now to not sound like a low cost prostitute I have to literally become his emissary
It was over before it even started
>"Hmmm, I need a name for Sauronman's servants." >"Something that discourages all those nasty Black potheads" >"Ah yes, I've got it! These horrid looking ugly creatures will be called..." >"YOU-LOOK HIGH!"
>Be Gandalf >Ask Eagle to fly you away from Sauron Man's mordor tower replica >Did not ask the eagle to then make a quick pitstop at the Shire and drop the ring in Mount Doom
>Hmmm... a lot of babies are born in this city, and for that there needs to be sex... sex is when a man buries the penis head far into a woman... >HELMS DEEP!
Was Tolkien a pervert?
am i weird for feeling bad for tolkien
sauron and saruman are pretty distinct names and only moronic burgers could get filtered
but they did, and havent shut up since
Do you guys remember the titanic/LOTR meme threads from a few years back that had memes like this >captain! >we are heading straight for an iceberg >we have to turn the ship around! >… >…”no”
Kek. Can’t find it it the archives but they were pure kino
Samwise and Frodo didn't have to let gollum fall, there was room on the rock for all three. Sam and Frodo are just worthless prostitutes like all hobbits that treasure some homeless dick they got in their twenties over their own families.
>It began with the forging of the Titanic >within this ship was bound the strength and will to ferry passengers across the Atlantic at record speed >But they were all of them deceived, for another ship was made. >In the land of Belfast, in the shipyards of Harland & Wolff, the Dark Lord Rothschild forged, in secret, another ship. >And into the Olympic he poured all his greed, his malice, half-assed shoddy craftsmanship, sub-par steel and his will to dominate all life. >One Ship to kill them all. >One by one, the wealthy opponents of Central Banking were boarded onto the ship. >they were a last alliance of nobles and bourgeois opposed to centralized usury >New York was near, but the shoddy construction of the ship could not withstand an impact with an iceberg >it was in that moment, when all hope was fading, when Astor gave up his seat on a lifeboat for a young child >Rothschild was victorious
The funny thing is that not only is it a dig at diversity, it’s a warning about rainbow colors specifically. How did Tolkien know that the rainbow would be used by queers?
there is an RPG called MERP - Middle Earth Role Playing and a generic expansion of it called Rolemaster, the art is kino af and its a great RPG if you do tabletop
considering that theyre fricking ghosts I assume no, but then again the witch king is supposed to be wearing full plate mail.
heres a bigger felbeast to satisfy your autism
>there is an RPG called MERP - Middle Earth Role Playing and a generic expansion of it called Rolemaster, the art is kino af and its a great RPG if you do tabletop
I played this and literally walked around as a werebear raping chicks
i would love if we could have a bunch of different LOTR versions like there are 20 romeo and juliet etc
instead of everything being forever condemned to look like the movies
its not just LOTR, everything is like that now. kinda just a consequence of the modern age where all media is heavily centralized and a corporate venture; things like books and stories are now brands, and their has to be a standardized image to sell the brand. same shit happened to game of thrones; try as they will those deviantartists and guys who make art for the SOIAF wiki will never get to make an adaption of GOT of their own. if they do a reboot it will just look like the HBO show again. welcome to the age of diversity
the bakshi movie is pretty low quality but I still watch it every once in a while just because its different from the jackson movies. not everything has to be a triple A production
>he didn't watch the movie
Lincoln called that AFTER he won the war, because it was finally united.
actually in the books, its explained that 'United States' is a clever reference to Sneed's Seed and Feed. you see...
Is he also inviting Grimy Wormtongue?
fricking grimes cracks me up. always a party around that guy
As much as I enjoy these jokes, Wormtongue isn't Grima's real name. Other people call him that because they don't like him.
He used to be known as Cleana Nice mouth because he was so nice
>Sauron's Man and his evil tower that looks like Sauron's armor are... BAD GUYS?!?
>looks exactly like another tower in mordor
hmmmmm
Many human structures from ancient times shared that same styling and dark black material. Like Minas Tirith's outer wall. It has strong properties not found in 'normal' building materials. It's a lost art only done by their ancestors, and hasn't been recreated. Isengard and Orthanc was an old Gondor fortress that eventually became disused and was locked up. Saruman went to the steward of Gondor and requested to live there and they happily gave him the keys.
>riding to minas tirith
>pause
>Shout "HEY THAT'S MINAS TIRITH!" to no one in particular
>Shout "HEY THAT'S MINAS TIRITH!" to no one in particular
Speak the city name and enter. This was before the pipeweed slowed his mind
He says it to Pippen idiot
He's talking to Pippin.
moron.
what do they eat?
why is he riding on the grass, thus ruining it, and not the nice road?
I have no idea but adjacent rider trails are a thing IRL
anon please just shut up
frick you homosexual
He's riding Shadowfax, lord of all horses. The schism between horses and grass was initiated by the Valar after the first age. It's the same reason why horses wouldn't take the ring to Mordor.
>shadow fax
Almost as if he was trying to tell us that the horse was never real. Amazing world creation.
It’s for horses that might not have horse shoes
Why would shadowfax need horseshoes? He's lord of all horses.
if shadowfax isnt shoed the stone road would hurt his hooves
He's the Lord of all Horses, watch the movie.
what does being the lord of all horses have to do with having four pieces of metal nailed into your feet
Cool art
Most of the towers in Mordor were actually built by numenoreans trying to take over the territory.
>numenoreans
what the frick is a midochlorian
in the books its supposed to look noticeably different, its white marble with streaks of black when gandalf first visits, then is covered in iron plating when treebeard besieges it. sauronman being le evil is slightly more shocking in the book since hes the wizard of many colors and lives in a big white castle. im not sure why they decided to make orthanc look just as evil and edgy as saurons tower
true but wasnt saurons tower built by himself and the wraiths or something? the books describe it as impossibly huge, against all laws of physics and architecture, like a fantasy combine citadel. it falls apart when the ring is destroyed because the unearthly magic sustaining it goes away in that instant
>Be king Theodin
>Hire a guy named ‘disreputable liar’ to be your right hand man
>disreputable liar is disreputable liar
>everyone in the court is shocked
Gríma son of Gálmód is a disreputable name?
>What is wormtongue?
a title referencing his crafty oration and way with words
he wasn't born with that name, he got it after he was appointed that position
Does Tolkien ever use "worm" in the snakey dragon sense in his works? It could be some double entendre joke that was obvious to him but none of his readers caught it
It's an allusion to the Icelandic hero Gunnlaug Serpent-Tongue, so called for his quick and venomous way with words.
yeah smaug gets called a worm multiple times
Wyrms are a type of dragon
>grimy sunnova galosh
>Go to Rohan
>It's just a bunch of skyrim babies LARPing as Whiterun
>befriend Elf named Legoless
>visit him and expect to play Lego
>he doesn't own any Lego
WOOOOOWWWWWWWW
you're supposed to read it like Leg-O-lass because he's quite leggy and looks like a lass
Lego-loss
I wouldn't be worried, I'm gandalf the great in this scenario after all
gandalf the great? gandalf the FOOL
Saruman didn't invite Gandalf; Gandalf went to seek his council re: Sauron.
i'd probably listen to what he had to say
>Orctank was designed by the same architect as the forces of Sauron use
>this wasn't suspicious at all
>FOOL OF A TROON
wow Gandalf... take the chill pill
god imagine sitting on that thing and it going up your ass
It would be extremely painful
>Gandalf: what an interesting arcitecture. I cant quite put my finger on it but it looks quite familiar
>big bad's name is Hitler
>his righthand man's name is Himmler
who the frick wrote this
>Iraq spends years at war with its nemesis… Iran
fricking hacks
>Called the "United States"
>Has a civil war
I bet the writers thought they were real fricking clever with that one
>he didn't watch the movie
Lincoln called that AFTER he won the war, because it was finally united.
>prussia gets saved by russia switching sides in the seven year's war
very subtle foreshadowing
>calls itself Bahrain
>average IQ is 83
What does he eat?
salted pork
Longbottom leaf
maggoty bread
saruman gets salted pork, pipeweed and other provisions imported to his tower from Bree. you would know this if you had read the books, but you clearly have not.
*hits pipe*
Pippen and Merry also raid his pantry in the movie.
expanded scene in the book. basically a whole chapter of gimli, legolas, pippin and mary smoking the frick up while munching on salted pork on top of the ruined walls of isengard. quite possibly the most comfy chapter in the entire book. legolas doesnt even smoke in the movies.....gay
For some reason return of the king filtered me hard as a kid. I loved the first two books but I never made it through return.
I always end up getting tired around the scouring of the shire but otherwise cant relate, two towers is probably the best book overall but return is prime kino, in alot of ways better than the movie. the battle of pelennor fields especially.
sam and frodo walking across the miles of mordor is a bit of a drag, even if things happen occasionally
yeah that part also kinda sucks I can understand getting filtered by that. i get that mordor is a desolate wasteland but they sure do alotta walking
it is indeed. some of his earlier artwork, so none of its colored
yeah, I definitely don't want to put someone off who hasn't read it and wants to
the books are kino and will deepen anyone's appreciation of what the movies were able to pull off
the scouring isn't too long, and I think it's a fun victory lap to show how the four hobbits have grown from the beginning of the story
but goddamn tolkien, how many times can you describe how hard it was for sam and frodo to take the next step or how bad they wanted a sip of water
Saruman was so salty too about them making free with his pipeweed lol.
>be grandelf
>uh, saurons man, why are there so many orcs here?
>haha you fool, you grey piece of shit, dirty pipeweed smoking homosexual, I've fooled you!
for some reason this image makes me want to see a claymation version of lord of the rings
>Here's my trusted advisor; Liar Snaketraitor
In the books he's mostly just referred to as "Grima" he's insultingly called "Wormtongue" by everyone behind his back.
>meme thread about making low effort jokes
>sperg shows up to try and "correct" people
I enjoy and appreciate both.
how else are you illiterate fricked supposed to understand the reasons behind directors choices then? jackson is the kino master- i love fighting!
I am entertained by both the jokes and the explanation as to how they aren't representative of the books.
You on the other hand are a homosexual.
leave them alone. it's all they have in life
He taught me something new and cool I didn’t know. Kill your self autismo memelord. We can have funny laughs and real discussions at the same time but some sperg like you had to ruin it
lmao
>lmao
man you really couldnt wait to post that
third world zoomers were a mistake
>tax season is upon us
>not a single tax post
I hope you lot get audited by three monstrous IRS agents.
>ah my trusted advisory, Grimy!"
>everyone sneaks around and talks behind his back
>and HE'S the wormtongue?
His other tower, Goblin Barracks, was having some renovations done, where else were they supposed to meet?
fun fact: saru means monkey in japanese, so every time i heard the name saruman i always imagined a dude with monkey features lol
Making Sarumon black would be problematic.
what does sarumon digievolve to?
MetalSaruromon
fun fact: That's not fun you're just a tard
no you see the fun fact was that saru means monkey so saruman becomes monkeyman...lol
>my name? Well it's Aragorn. Oh and my father, his name was Arathorn.
You shouldn't be reading Silmarillion if you think Aragorn son of Arathorn is bad
>...and if you're hungry you can eat this ear'a'corn
>This hobbit sure seems merry, I wonder what his name is
>This hobbit sure seems to play well with Michael Jordan, I wonder what his name is
Underrated
oops, meant for
>Hi, I'm here for the royal advisor interview. We spoke on the palantir. The graduate from Sauronsman Academy at Orthanc, with a major in inter-realm relations. That's right, Grim Wormtongue, nice to meet you!
They didn't have a palantir in rohan
You don't know that.
this guy was in x files
He was also chucky!
guy was in every sci-fi in the 90's
>after years of grinding gandalf finally reaches ssj2
>meanwhile saruman causally transforms into ssj3
it's all so tiresome
>using the word "mill" on the card rules
It's been that way since 2020, and frankly it took them long enough, Millstone was printed in 1994.
surprised he’s not black
Anon, he's a villain. Villains need to be white.
Gandalf is The White. Villains in LOTR become darker and more Black.
He's already gay
>saruman of many colors
>only costs 3 colors
>kings brother’s name is Daemon
>dragon has Satan horns
>looks like a weird nazi scientist
>he is my brother that’s why I trust him!
>ends up being a colossal butthole
Who saw this one coming?
>a colossal butthole
>had as much claim to the throne as monke lady
>was the only one who saw the scope of the Hand's master plan
>only one willing to act before it was too late
You're a moron and your joke doesn't make sense
>Littlefinger
>All of his fingers are a normal size
>doesn't even (canonically) have a small target
I'm sure there's a comic book about this guy quitting drug dealing and becoming a Rebel
>obi wan is fightin' Anakin!
Now do Savage Opress
what is the point of names like this? why bother leaving out one letter? is that supposed to make me believe its an aliens names that just so happens to sound alot like 'savage oppress'?
>Hey, my small dwarven friend Gimpli. Do you think we have to watch out for the murmuring creature Ghoul-Hum?
>Of course, my sharp shooting companion L'eagle-Ace.
>mmm this wood sure is mirky.... and these mountains man are they misty........
>battle of the five armies
>five armies have a battle
There were only four armies though
the fifth army were the viewers
The fifth army was the dunc sandworms that showed up in the movie. Jackson added that
Why didn't Gandalf just make the sandworms take the ring to Mordor
The sandworms are notoriously fickle and pretentious.
>I came here to create spice not bear burdens.
And Sauron would have seen them coming. Keep in mind he has a big eye on a tower and sandworms are huge so he would have seen their sandy ripples miles away. with his big glowing tower eye.
Tolkien really did think of everything didn't he
They're evil that's why
The real question is why don't they destroy helm's deep, or minis tirith
Maybe the real 5th army were the friends we made along the way.
Wasn't the fifth army suppose to be goblin riders?
>Orcs
>Goblins
>Humans
>Elves
>Dwarves
wargs
You forgot the Ents
>Tell me, "friend", when did Saruman the Wise abandon hot pockets for ramen noodles?
Literally me
>this hobbit likes to put a pipe in his mouth...
>I shall call him.. pipein.. pippin!!
>that ball with a flaming eye in my living room? that's nothing - I got it from IKEA
>it's name? Ikdfnoabefnestrang
>you should stop rubbing your eyes anakin
Reminder that Anakin literally didn’t sleep for the rest of Episode 3 after the nightmare seen.
Kinda makes his questionable behavior a bit more understandable for a sleep-deprived man.
how am I supposed to know this as the audience?
By reading the novelization of course.
>well, you see, it's a tank we'll use against orcs - Orc-tank, *nervous chuckle*
>I shall seek counsel with my trusted friend sauron-man of the many allegiances, in the land of eyes-guard in his tower of orcthanks.
>Leader of the elves, Elrond, is an Elf that's Wrong
Bravo
>nonono it's fine. no one knows what durin's bane actually is. it's probably just another dwarven exaggeration anyway onwards we press my trusty fellowship
Reminder that Alfrid Lickspittle did nothing wrong.
>Villain dresses like a woman
What did Jackson mean by this?
>Villain attempts to impersonate a woman for privilege
>Frodo, did I ever tell you about Alfrid Lickspittle? He was a servant to the Master of Laketown in TA 2941, and later assisted Bard during The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies. He had more screentime than me and Gandalf. He was created by Peter Jackson on request by executives who wanted another comic relief character and was basically a clone of Wormtongue. He later dresses as a woman and hides in a catapult attached to a dead Troll. However, one of Alfrid's coins slips off his corset and falls on the catapult lever. The coin acts as counterweight, throwing Alfrid inside the troll's mouth. Both Alfrid and the troll are asphyxiated and die horribly humiliating deaths then and there. He was a good friend.
>sad, doomed city of the Dwarves
>it's called... SAD-DOOM!
Bravo Tolkien. You've done it once again.
>be born
>dumbass parent's name you "mouth of sauron"
>now to not sound like a low cost prostitute I have to literally become his emissary
It was over before it even started
>"Now, to think of a name for the place where a ton of Hobbits live."
>"Hmmm"
*hits pipe*
>"Ah, I've got it! HOBBITON!"
>I must have this message delivered quickly, and discreetly!
>Ah yes, Shadowfax!
funniest one itt
>main bad guy is called Sour One
>Sauronman
In hindsight it should have been obvious
>What could be the evil creatures be called who do Sour Man’s bidding?
>Hits wife
>ah I’ve got it!…….. Nasty Gouls!
do you think they were called grey/white before they started wearing the clothes
No, they went by the silly names God gave them until normal people gave them new names for some reason.
>the hobbit with the wisdom to see the mission through and resist temptation
>samWISE
>Gríma, called Sauronmanman, was the chief counsellor at the court of King Théoden of Rohan.
>We need go guard this eye from danger, but where???
>Eyes-en-guard
>"Hmmm, I need a name for Sauronman's servants."
>"Something that discourages all those nasty Black potheads"
>"Ah yes, I've got it! These horrid looking ugly creatures will be called..."
>"YOU-LOOK HIGH!"
>Saruman
>Sauron
>Himmler
>Hitler
Wait... what?
>main character works at the hobbiton grocery store, bagging groceries
>baggins
So fricking clever.
>protagonist has to cast a ring into where it was made
>named "Throw O Back Ins"
Bravo j r r hackson
>Be Gandalf
>Ask Eagle to fly you away from Sauron Man's mordor tower replica
>Did not ask the eagle to then make a quick pitstop at the Shire and drop the ring in Mount Doom
He did ask him, Gwaihir said he only came to deliver a message and wasn't expecting to carry anyone so he wasn't gonna take Gandalf that far.
>"Those Hobbits who are always optimistic and happy?"
>"Let's call them MERRYadoc and PereGRIN"
Bravo Tolkien! Bravo! BRAVO!
>The Nazi ghuls they were; the Enemy's most terribly servants
Subtle
>"the One ring"
>there's actually Twenty of them
There's twenty Rings but only one One Ring
what the frick is 11 ring
They were given to the amerimutts along with the nazgul's rings
>Hmmm... a lot of babies are born in this city, and for that there needs to be sex... sex is when a man buries the penis head far into a woman...
>HELMS DEEP!
Was Tolkien a pervert?
>invite boromir to the fellowship
>surprised when he wants to borrow the ring
lol
Boromir is literally me
He merely wanted to borrow the one ring.
Boromir.
>His brother, Faramir, is far away
...
>so called Lord of the Rings
>is only able to lord over like half of them
>loses his own
What the frick was Tolkien thinking?
>Eowin
>wins
>The b***h king
>dies like a b***h to a b***h
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
And this is the giant evil volcano in my domain, I call it Mount Doom
And name of the domain? Murder
And it's located in the land of Murder, and guarded by the tower of Bad-dur.
>This male character who looks like a woman and keeps the wheel of hatred turning
>his name is.. troony-THE-WHEEL!
>the king of the people who are all but extinct
>he's called Aregone
Genius.
Fun Fact: John Rys-Davies ad libbed the line
>And myyy axe!
the crew liked it so much they kept it in
no he didnt/no they didnt
>"lady Galadriel, what's your ring called?"
>"It's called Nenya, young Frodo."
>"Nenya-frickin business."
Why did she call him Mythril Man?
>Mythical figure is a dear friend
>Call him Myth-And-Dear
Teleporno.
>tell me where is gandalf. i have much desire to watch him frick my wife galadriel until the cum drips from her c**t onto my chin
truly, tolkien was ahead of his time
>Grandalf The Grey
>The actor is an old twinky gay
>Grandelf the Gay
So what did Gimli do with those hairs?
Braided them and keeps them cinched tightly around his balls.
That's what I thought
am i weird for feeling bad for tolkien
sauron and saruman are pretty distinct names and only moronic burgers could get filtered
but they did, and havent shut up since
He's busy getting skullfricked by worms right now, he doesn't care what we think.
Yeah, Hitler and Himmler are distinct names, I think it's unfair tolkien gets so much heat for them
*farts hard in ur thread*
>Bad guy likes to MURDER
>Therefore lives in MORDOR
lmaooooooo this Tolkien guy
Sauron is literally me.
These shitposts have conditioned my brain to read Saruman as Sauronman
It's how they pronounce it in the silmarillion
No they haven't. Liar.
Do you guys remember the titanic/LOTR meme threads from a few years back that had memes like this
>captain!
>we are heading straight for an iceberg
>we have to turn the ship around!
>…
>…”no”
Kek. Can’t find it it the archives but they were pure kino
Samwise and Frodo didn't have to let gollum fall, there was room on the rock for all three. Sam and Frodo are just worthless prostitutes like all hobbits that treasure some homeless dick they got in their twenties over their own families.
>It began with the forging of the Titanic
>within this ship was bound the strength and will to ferry passengers across the Atlantic at record speed
>But they were all of them deceived, for another ship was made.
>In the land of Belfast, in the shipyards of Harland & Wolff, the Dark Lord Rothschild forged, in secret, another ship. >And into the Olympic he poured all his greed, his malice, half-assed shoddy craftsmanship, sub-par steel and his will to dominate all life.
>One Ship to kill them all.
>One by one, the wealthy opponents of Central Banking were boarded onto the ship.
>they were a last alliance of nobles and bourgeois opposed to centralized usury
>New York was near, but the shoddy construction of the ship could not withstand an impact with an iceberg
>it was in that moment, when all hope was fading, when Astor gave up his seat on a lifeboat for a young child
>Rothschild was victorious
Excellent, anon
>new men show up from the newly created rising sun
>call them new-men-noreans
>Saruman discards his whiteness in favor of embracing many colors
>Loses all wisdom he had and dies
God damn Tolkien, subtle.
The funny thing is that not only is it a dig at diversity, it’s a warning about rainbow colors specifically. How did Tolkien know that the rainbow would be used by queers?
>Sauron has allies with the swarthy men called Southrons
Can Tolkien not be a hack for one fricking second?
>Hmmm, what should the evil vikings be called?
>Varaigs, that sounds nice and evil but it has a V in it
Cmon tolkien
Variags are steppe people they live in wagons
You're thinking of the wain-riders
thats one of their aliases. variags are distantly related to the rohirrim
there is an RPG called MERP - Middle Earth Role Playing and a generic expansion of it called Rolemaster, the art is kino af and its a great RPG if you do tabletop
most people prefer John Howe, but Angus Mcbrides LOTR art is criminally underrated. Frank Frazetta made some pretty cool shit too
Are Nazgul lightweight? Dude looks hilariously too big for that Fell Beast.
considering that theyre fricking ghosts I assume no, but then again the witch king is supposed to be wearing full plate mail.
heres a bigger felbeast to satisfy your autism
>bigger
That is literally the same size as the other one
That looks like sneed and sorcery barbarian shit not lotr
there was a whole 47 years in between the publishing of the book and the making of the movie, it had no defined 'look' until 2001
thats the same artist as the original red DND module with the rust monster and Bargle right? man that cleric was thicc n sexy
those thighs
franky boy certainly had taste
homie its from like old Arnor or something and that club is cool as frick
>there is an RPG called MERP - Middle Earth Role Playing and a generic expansion of it called Rolemaster, the art is kino af and its a great RPG if you do tabletop
I played this and literally walked around as a werebear raping chicks
Saruman was trans?
>Hah, Saruman the white? I am Saruman of the LGBTQP+ PRIDE FLAG! TREMBLE BEFORE MY POWER
the orb ponderer is saruman by angus mcbride btw
> evil
> Saurons Man of many colours
> lgbt
> the people of many colours
How did JR know??
He pondered
I cant even wear my nice ralph lauren pink shirt anymore in public because people will think im trans or lgbt++ supporter
Saruman the Zesty ngl
His white robe is supposed to be glimmering like its been covered in oil, it's not rainbow colored like some depictions make it.
Where you there mate? No? Well shut the frick up then
i would love if we could have a bunch of different LOTR versions like there are 20 romeo and juliet etc
instead of everything being forever condemned to look like the movies
its not just LOTR, everything is like that now. kinda just a consequence of the modern age where all media is heavily centralized and a corporate venture; things like books and stories are now brands, and their has to be a standardized image to sell the brand. same shit happened to game of thrones; try as they will those deviantartists and guys who make art for the SOIAF wiki will never get to make an adaption of GOT of their own. if they do a reboot it will just look like the HBO show again. welcome to the age of diversity
monkeys paw, they would all be extremely low quality
the bakshi movie is pretty low quality but I still watch it every once in a while just because its different from the jackson movies. not everything has to be a triple A production
actually in the books, its explained that 'United States' is a clever reference to Sneed's Seed and Feed. you see...
>I must make haste, Frodo, and be on my way.
>Where are you going?
>I am going to visit an old friend. Sauron'sman, of Orctank.
>W-what?
How did tolkien know to fear lgtbqai++niggr rainbow as evil corruption?
checked
he also predicted the asiatic/southron menace
average britisher in 2024
White is harmony, balance. Colour is chaos and disunity.
Gandalf was a submissive bottom to Sauronman. Until 3018 of the third age, Gandalf would have done anything for that BWWC
homosexuals will be punished. in 2040 AI will be designed to scan human brains for homo-thoughts to mark them for extermination via robo-murder
>main president is named eric wareheim
>his sidekick, his little man in a smaller font, in jokerman font is tim heidecker
Wish Radaghast was a better character
I am Saruthey of many colours!
>What is this land that was once secured but is no more?
>Gone-door
>And what about that land over there that still has its huge gate?
>More-door
Ffs
Now do Rohan and Lothlorien
>This place has a lots of lore behind it. We call it... Lothsoflorien
>be dwarves
>hate Elves
>name their giant underground city Dwarrowd Elf