>couple wakes up in the morning
>they start having sex instead of going to the bathroom
>couple wakes up in the morning. >they start having sex instead of going to the bathroom
>couple wakes up in the morning
>they start having sex instead of going to the bathroom
Poor frogposter never banged prior to his morning piss, SAD
You’re both clearly incels if you don’t know that the hole is for morning pissing and fucking
I step on you
I shit all over the place
i can't enjoy sex if my bladder is full
Sometimes you just can’t wait. Full bladder morning quickies are the best.
Orgasams with a full bladder are more intense, try it.
One time i think i actually pissed inside my ex a bit
that's what my girlfriend and i usually do after waking up and before using the bathroom
what's the problem?
he's gay and doesn't realize straight people don't need to shit before sex
Kek
Fags also shit during sex, after sex, and unintentionally for the rest of their short STD riddled degenerate lives
Straight men orgasm better when there's nothing in their ass
agree to disagree lol
You will always be a homosexual no matter how much pussy you get
have you ever had a full body orgasm
he asked gayly
do you like movies about gladiators
he asked homosexually
have you ever seen a grown man naked
No but I accidently farted once as I was cumming in a girl and I had an arse orgasm. Shit was awesome. My arsehole came. I've tried to replicate it a few times by holding in farts and letting rip as I coom but never been able to do it again.
but you have morning breath.
>what's the problem?
The biggest problem is that you get my cum on your cock! Make her wash first!
I liked that one thing where they each snuck out to the bathroom, returned, and then pretended like they just woke up.
Based frogGOD carefully tends to his urinary tract health, TRILL
My bladder is always full when I wake up.
I haven’t had sex in 7 years.
I had sex on saturday.
wow you're basically an incel
Jokes on you, he's probably married.
Ive been living with my gf for 9 years now and we only had sex 5 times this years. Is it over for me??
I was with a girl 7 years and yeah it was the same by the end, we had sex a handful of times a year. I just couldn't bring myself to be excited by it, she was smoking hot too and I still loved her but I just wasn't interested in sleeping with her anymore, even when we did have sex I was imagining having one night stands with other women. Love and sex are not closely linked for me, sex is more of a visceral feeling. I've never had a once night stand but I've met and made out with and got grinded on by a bunch of girls I've just met at parties and clubs and those moments were far more thrilling than any sex I've had with a long term partner.
Check out the subreddit /r/deadbedrooms
Get to fuck reddit boy
>she was smoking hot too and I still loved her but I just wasn't interested in sleeping with her anymore
This is normal for males. We're hardwired to be excited by new pussy. Novelty > hotness.
In one experiment they put a male mouse with a female mouse. The male fucked her like crazy for the first few days, then started doing it less and less and eventually completely stopped. When they introduced a NEW female, he was sex-crazed again.
Women will seethe at the truth, but we're built to consider a female who gets fucked for years without producing offsprings barren, sterile, a waste of semen.
i'm 23 years old and i've never even been hugged
Im 22 and have never had sex, held hands or kissed a girl. I have hugged one though.
A real hug where her boobs press against your chest or the chaste bent-over kind?
Look at sex haver over here bragging about the multiple kinds of hugs he's received.
I did all of this for the first time when I was 23. You have to put in the effort though, anon. Don't just complain about it on the internet. Go make friends and build social circles.
how tall are you because if you're at least 5'10 shut up
29 and I'm a KHV bro
let's stay strong
So why do you retarded fags keep crying about it here instead of making yourselves attractive and then socializing? It's really easy to get laid if you:
>don't look like shit
>don't act like a retard
>talk to people
Literally just do those 3 things.
>dude just stop being short and ugly bro xDDD
>oh le no I am le short
Oh wow I didn't realize bro, I'm so sorry. No short guy has ever gotten laid, so you have a perfectly valid reason to bitch and whine like a homosexual for your entire life!
Then stop whining if you're not even trying. Whining is reserved for people who have actually tried every avenue but lost, and even then it's still cringe, just less so. No shit women don't like cringy whiny fags like you guys, it's pathetic.
I wish I was just short
just b urself
if you're 5'10 or taller your opinion is meaningless
because all my money goes towards guns, ammo, silver, food, water, toiletries, matches, lighter fluid and medical supplies. I'm not risking losing my house.
i'm 5'7 dipshit
>>don't act like a retard
>>talk to people
These don't come naturally to some people. It isn't just willingness it's often sheer inability. Practice will only get you so far, I've spent my entire adult life practicing in social occasions and I still don't really understand how to fit in or make friends. And of course that extends to romance.
let's imagine all uglies suddenly got a makeup talent out of nowhere to tick off the first one. how do you
>don't act like a retard
>talk to people
if nobody talks to you because you 'act weird' you'll lack the chance for enough learning experience to get better at 'acting normal'.
also with beauty parlors you'll need to talk to the makeup girl to ask what you need (which you dont know beforehand so you'll need to ask for advice, too). It's much more complicated than a barber shop where you can say 'just do whatever you think looks good' and walk out with a satisfactory cut.
Are you a femcel? Why are you asking about beauty parlors and makeup kek
no you idiot it's about the first rule in the other anons list is
>dont look like shit
obviously you could, for example, make your jawline look stronger and more masculine by shading light and dark and 'faking lines' to a degree. but i wouldn't know how because i don't have the skills and i also lack the insight to give the makeup person the right commands to end up with the more chad jawline.
it's not 1990. i do all that and it's still fucking impossible. hoeflation is real.
>>talk to people
fuck off
I..also haven’t had sex in 7 years. Weird
I found out a guy I knew hadn't had sex in 7 years and I cut off contact and haven't spoken to him in a year, I felt too embarassed to be associated with him.
morning breath is awful and you have 0 sex energy without breakfast and coffee you come in like under a minute.
only fresh in love or drugfueled coupples do this after the relationship is older than a year.
if they tell you otherwise they are lying , copeing trying to be cool on the internet.
We usually go brush our teeth before we have our morning fuck.
Morning piss is best for sex.
>it's the Cinemaphile larping as normalfag sex haver episode
A lot of us were normies in HS and/or college, our lives didn’t go off the rails until later
>Cinemaphile is a monolith of stunted degenerate pornography addict zoomers like us
Yeah no
my gf is just obsessed with stroking my morning wood when she wakes up, think she just finds it fun
I had a tiny asian gf in college who was obsessed with holding and squeezing my cock at all times, it was pretty nice. Current gf doesn't give a fuck because she has tiktok. Maybe if I smashed her phone she would squeeze my cock all day for fun like that asian girl.
My Asian gf does this too. I honestly believe Asian women are just naturally bigger perverts and nymphos than most women.
i accidentally pissed in a girls mouth because she thought it was a great idea to wake me up with a blowjob.
>wake up
>really need to pee
>surprised to find dick in a mouth
>sort of want her to stop but sort of dont want her to stop
>feel like im cumming
>muscles relax and a torrent of cum and piss is unleashed in mouth
>piss dribbling out of her mouth until pressure builds and it starts spraying
>look of confusion and then horror on her face as she realizes what is happening
>opens her mouth and it spills all over my stomach and bed
>whole room immediately reeks of piss
>i feel 100x better now that i pissed but that relief has come at a terrible price
the clean up alone made it not worth it
And then everybody clapped.
room immediately reeks of piss
fresh piss doesn't reek of piss. kys larper.
>8 hours of sleep
>fresh piss
Morning piss definitely smells, retard. It's not piss from drinking a gallon of water within an hour
Yay, it’s another chapter in
>third worlder LARPs on the internet to pretend he’s human and has any life experiences
Why are you all like this?
>torrent of cum and piss is unleashed
Fucking retard
Then only time thats happened to me she gulped down all the piss while moaning oh my god lmao
to find dick in a mouth
I bet you were, you little homosexual.
That can't happen. When the cum tube is open the piss tube is closed and vice versa. Shitty larp.
if i have sex when i have to pee my dick hurts after
r.i.p. in peace anon
>They have sex all night and not for 20 mins and go to bed
Where do you make female friends online these days?
The only "females" that want to be friend on the internet are trannies, and they're just homosexuals so you know they just want disgusting gay sex and not friendship.
I barely have friends online too.
Too true, I kept making "female" gamer friends with girly avatars and they were all god damn fucking trannies, so now I'm jaded and don't even want to make friends with anyone, I just assume they're god damn homosexual trannies.
I used to spunk all over my girlfriend while she was asleep then wake her up by licking her asshole and just start fucking her and then pull out and shoot a pint of cum down her throat and then sit on her face while she maked out with my ass.
Epic!
Both written by pajeet incels with crippling porn addictions who have never spoken to a woman outside their family
Whoops second post should have been
not
Its actually true but whatever I used to pull out her buttplug and make her suck on it while I fucked her then stuff it back in while she sucked me off. Best was putting vibrators up her ass while I fucked her and my dick rubbing against the vibrator in her ass as I fucked her vag.
Sure you did poonesh
Kek whats so unbelievable? You never had someone beg you for your cum mulitple times day? Beg you to lick your ass and for you to fuck them?
I’m sure mammu and daddu will find you a nice girl someday, you can finally have sex just like in your favorite porn
>Its actually true but whatever
>t.
>tfw fag and will never know the joys of morning sex because I have to poop first
it's over
Never known a gay who was afraid of a little fecal matter. Stop being a pussy and jam it in there!
wakeup early and prepare yourself while he's asleep. can also get started on making coffee, sandwiches and rolling a smoke for him.
I physically cannot ejaculate unless I empty my bladder. If I try to cum while there's pee inside me I'll just end up pissing.
My wife prefers to top in the morning and she doesnt like a mess so i have to go to the bathroom first
based straight sex haver
do you know what topping means?
do you know what making love with your beautiful wife is
no im a virgin and im 37 years old
>couple wakes up naked
>doesn’t have shit stains on the bed sheets
why is Hollywood so unrealistic?
Yeahs homosexuals are disgusting
I used to fantasise about pissing inside my gf while I was having sex with her, it's still like to try it I think
If you ever get the chance, pee in a drunk girl's mouth at the end of anonymous sex. It's liberating.
I've had a couple of one night stands, but both times I thought I might call them so I didn't do anything too weird.
Next time I'm going full weirdo and stealing their underwear and shoes.
You can't cum and piss at the same time, you fucking retards.
You can, but it's risky because if you accidentally sneeze while you're doing it your eyeballs pop out of their sockets. Happened to a guy I know.
i'm a wizard but i didn't get any powers
I was a virgin until 27 years old and I just switched teams to get laid like all gay people do. A mans ass feels good enough to me
gross fag
ur still a virgin
and you just jerk off alone forever
If I could go back and do it all over again I would just jerk off alone. Sex is overrated and barely ever better than jerking it myself.
no I do nofap and noporn
ah so your dick pathetically drips semen into your sheets as you sleep
? No. I don't think so. I haven't had a wet dream in months.
theres a conspiracy against me
I am 29 years old and I never even kissed a girl
Same but 31.
>guy has sex in movie
>he doesn't cringe in pain from his oversensitive dick for like five minutes and it just cuts to them in the morning
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be uncircumcised. Have I ever really experienced an orgasm? Probably not, and I never will.
Poor anon, I genuinely pity cutfags.
I took a girl home from the bar once and i pulled down her panties and she had like a 1-2 inch dick, i fucked her anyway but it felt weird
>never woken up to his gf sucking his dick before
best wake up call ever. that morning refreshed feeling along with laying there with your eyes closed getting your dick sucked like a straw is one of lifes best moments
Just get your foreskin put back on
I feel like if I ate somebody else's foreskin then that would spiritually restore mine.
it would
What if I ate the whole dick? Imagine the power.
youd probably gain a few inches at least
Ok all I need to do is lure a bunch of gay guys for sex and then cut them up and... wait fuck I'm just describing Jeffrey Dahmer.
Follow Jeffs footsteps
Holy pogchamp! I love you for that serial killer reference. Wanna meet up? Im from Toronto
I am proud to be a virgin
>sex thread
>fags vs virgins vs larpers
dude I FUCK I HAVE SEX I BONE my gf daily bro, even when she has a shit encrusted asshole dude I LOVE the dank smell first thing in the morning
i can only fuck her if i wake up with morning wood, otherwise i'm mostly too sleep drunk to care and get it up
i'm absolutely not a morning person
>wake up at 2am to piss
>don’t drink any more water
>wake up at 5:30am for work
>feel like I’m gonna piss the bed
Where is the piss coming from
the piss fairy
>my piss boner quickly became the real thing...
Your boner and your cock is not real, it's just an extension of your mind. Same goes for vaginnaz, when you're giving a girl backshots its just two of you connecting via mind transmission. There is no dick and no vagina its just your and hers phantom sex organs. Imagine two snails having sex, its just like that but more big brained.
I really need to get laid
Seeing couples outside makes me downright suicidal.
I sometimes masturbate before I get up for my morning piss, so I might do that if I was a s*x h*ver
>This whole thread
I came here to talk about dis shit in movies I dont want to hear about your lives you dont matter to me shut the hell up already
What did you do last weekend?
Put my penis in da behinds of a dead roadkill cat. And you?
Marathoned sesons three and four of iCarly
patrishan taste anon eye karly is peak cinema
Found out today I got my gf pregnant. She's been on the pill the whole time we've been together so I don't know how it's happened or wtf to do.
She's probably lying my old gf did it multiple times
I've seen the tests. She did 3 of them. She had already done 2 this morning when I saw her, then she went out with her sister and got a digital one. I've known her for 10 years and this isn't the sort of thing she'd make up.
>10 years
Lmao. Bro she got tired of waiting for you to be "ready" and stopped taking the pill. It happens all the time. And honestly, 10 years? Can you blame her? Her eggs don't last forever.
You might actually be right. We're pretty stable in our relationship. And a few weeks back she did randomly start asking me about baby names. Fucking hell though, it wasn't what I was expecting to find out today. Fucking trips of truth, man.
Thanks bros. I'm scared shitless, I can't lie.
Congratulations anon! You're a father!!
[CONGRATULATIONS]
You have successfully completed the second step of ensuring that your genetics and bloodline are preserved.
Do not falter! You have a few more steps left before the process is completed!
The Ancestors smile at you from eternal heaven!!! Good fortune.
I used to piss between my highschool gf’s thigh’s right after sex, wasn’t even a kink thing we would laugh so hard I couldn’t keep the stream steady
sometimes me and my gf wake up in the middle of the night just to fuck and go back to sleep
its amazing, i love her very much
You are suffering from severe schizophrenia, please take your medication and contact a medical professional as soon as possible.
I rolled over one morning and plugged this slut I went home with from a bar in the ass. Man, the amount of shit that came out of her was mind boggling. Got my nut off and went home.