Covenant wasn't THAT bad, guys, come o-
*slips on a banana peel* WHOOOOAAA HOOOOAAAAHH *cartoon slide whistle* *BANG* *BONK* WOOOOOAHOOOOP WHOOOAAAP WHOOOOOOP *cartoon cymbal crash*
Covenant wasn't THAT bad, guys, come o-
Covenant wasn't THAT bad, guys, come o-
*slips on a banana peel* WHOOOOAAA HOOOOAAAAHH *cartoon slide whistle* *BANG* *BONK* WOOOOOAHOOOOP WHOOOAAAP WHOOOOOOP *cartoon cymbal crash*
Ridley lost his mind decades ago
yeh when he first put pen to paper for alien
it was all downhill from there.
scott didn't start fricking with the scripts until after his comeback with gladiator. he used to be exactly as good as the script that was handed to him. now he messes with the scripts he's given until they are exactly as bad as he is.
wow somebody who is panicking because they're being attacked by a literal monstrous demonic alien who no living thing has ever encountered might be uncoordinated and may slip on blood and goop, that's so unrealistic. ridley is a hack
>crew hired to transport literally thousands of people in cryosleep to colonize a distant planet
>every single one of the crew acts like a complete moron every time they have to make a decision
yeah very realistic
I wonder whether people who were just piloting a refrigerator were trained in fighting hostile aliens who had never been encountered before, really a gaping plot hole there
>dude if I witnessed an alien burst out of a human being covered in blood and it started attacking me I would simply unsheathe my katana and slice it in half since I'm a fricking stone-cold badass
>everyone knows people don't panic and make bad decisions under pressure, that literally never happens especially when they're up against a completely unprecedented threat that's trying to kill them
First thing they do when they land on the mystery planet is start eating and stomping on the vegetation, which immediately starts the clown show. It's a moron movie.
>dude I just killed an alien monster and the mad scientist in front of me exploded with rage at me, then told me to lean over this vegana like egg
Now you being a complete dumbfrick redditor might relate to this character but the humans who watched this can’t, hence the bad reception it got
>dude if I witnessed an alien burst out of a human being covered in blood and it started attacking me I would
Run outside the compartment and lock the door. If it tries to break through the door, run to the next door and seal that compartment. Radio everyone so they know what's going on.
I know you're a current year bottom of the barrel diversity hire, but in real jobs with real responsibilities they drill you to hell and back over safety and breach procedures. Spaceships, like actual ships, are a series of seal-able compartments. It's an easy thing to train into someone who isn't there to be disposable trash like (You).
The original Alien is full of people running procedure. The only point of procedure breach being the android opening the outer door to the infected guy, which it turns out he was programmed to do because the company that owned the ship wanted a sample of the alien, at any cost to life.
The scene in Covenant is just stupid shit. But I understand that it may seem normal to you as that's very likely the type of space you exist in employment wise, at whatever shill-factory they've got you in.
knows people don't panic and make bad decisions under pressure, that literally never happens especially when they're up against a completely unprecedented threat that's trying to kill them
With that logic they should be getting killed the minute they panic, yet the monster is as moronic as them and gives then too many graces. Nice try though moron.
DEI in action
Monster movies where everyone acts like a bumbling moron aren't scary or interesting. Monster movies where people are smart and they STILL get blown the frick out, that's scary.
Any example of the later? The Thing maybe?
Alien, The Thing, Predator are the first that come to mind. Terminator. Scream.
>Alien
>after Kane got jumped by a facehugger, his unconscious body was carried back to the Nostromo by other crewmembers
>Ripley followed regulations and common sense and refused to let them in but was overruled by Ash
It's the little things. Compare that with the crews in Prometheus and Covenant, it's amazing. Scott really lost it.
Jaws. The Thing. Predator. Tremors is a great one.
Lake Placid plays with the hubristic element well when the rich guy finally meets the megagator and his bullshit just melts away. Perfect horror movie moment, where a protag faces something outside of his ken and has to change (or be destroyed - this relates to concepts of the ego and rising above it's spiritual limitations and false comforts). David E Kelley really did his research on the nature of monster movies before he did his satirical writing pass.
Any movie that has as slightly meta or post-modern tone to it (pre-current year rip-everything-down-into-garbage) will by necessity be more on the ball with the structure of the genre they're targeting. You can't effectively spoof or comment on a thing without first properly understanding how it works.
Alien and The Thing were made during a period where the filmmakers were attempting to "raise them up" from their B-grade roots, in the wake of Star Wars raising the serial adventure genre to huge mainstream heights. A trend which (release date wise - SW was in the works already) started with Jaws.
If you flub a monster movie at Scott's level, that's a filmmaker problem, not an audience problem. Monster movies are where you can talk about the biggest of big ideas and to not respect that is to produce something like Covenant, where the first act of the most promising character from Prometheus, David, is to bomb out a whole city of "mongoloids waiting for answers from their gods". We being the mongoloids, Scott being the vengeful would-be god (who ends up "fingering his own flute" later on) bringing only weaponized pestilence.
olliver platt is so good in lake placid
Outside of the scifi vein but I always had a soft spot for this duology because the one thing that elevates it above the shlock it is, is how competent its protagonist actually is
The villain is a blatant even-more-Mary-Sue ripoff of Jigsaw but it feels genuinely fresh that the hero is a... I dunno, John McClane type? The way he just keeps skidding into certain death over and over, powering his way through it with improvisation, luck, sarcasm and ever increasing amounts of righteous anger, that it feels totally earned when he finally gets his hands on the motherfricker at the end
Its not even the premise, it's the execution. Like, if she'd simply slipped and fallen to her knees it would have been fine but look at that fricking pic. She went flying. They basically made slapstick out of it
okay reddit but it happens to two different characters like five minutes apart
It's not 5 minutes apart it's the exact same scene. It's so bad. It's full on Looney Tunes.
It's also dumb as frick that the newly hatched alien can istantly kill the chick.
It's literally the size of a chihuahua ffs.
it was a really slippery floor
Werent they professional people with some sort of training? They're interstellar space travelers, its to be expected they are able to keep relatively calm in extremely high pressure situations.
Honestly they could of solved this by just making the people that woke up from cryo all random civilians and not part of the main crew. That would literally justify every dumb decision made. Though then youd have to rewrite them piloting the ship and stuff somehow, but im sure they could figure that out.
Dude, it's a movie. While something like that can happen in real life doesn't automatically mean that it's good cinema or writing and that you should use it. Her slipping up and the way it's directed is more related to comedy than sc-ifi horror. Reminds me of SNL.
literal monstrous demonic alien was the size of a Chihuahua.
The problem with it is that it seems more like a convenient way to have this more vulnerable alien be protected by having the humans be insanely incompetent by having women in charge of guarding the ship.
You know in Alien 1 it at least made sense because one of them was about to kill it but the android with the directive to bring it back to the company protected it by feigning scientific interest
It's quite telling that Ridley began the story by telling a tale about how you can't trust the company, the android is just a machine doing the bidding of he company, but now that he IS the company he instead fears the androids who are coming to take his job and so the stories are all about the scary android man instead of a company just risking the lives of its employees in pursuit of a thing they might be able to make some money from.
>plot can’t progress unless every character is a complete and utter fricking inhuman moron
Reminds me how the characters were actually intelligently written in the original script for the first movie and Ridley specifically had it rewritten because the characters weren’t acting like slasher movie teenagers.
>GUNS BLAZING
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
>prometheus
>land on habitable planet
>discovered 70000 year old ship
>immediately play a game of press all the buttons
Christ
This is what you homosexuals get for shittalking Prometheus and complaining that it didn't spoonfeed you answers.
People shat on Prometheus because it was dumb
People shit talked Prometheus because the entire story was driven by the crew being unrealistically dumb, which Covenant tripled down on by making slapstick scenes like the OP’s.
Pro gamer tip for any would be horror movie director: if nobody can relate to your characters on any level because they’re 0 IQ simple jacks, the monsters aren’t going to be scary.
>This is what you homosexuals get
And Ridley gets his justly-deserved precipitous drop in reputation as a visionary director.
His latter day career and his early career burps just go to show that he was only ever really an advertising guy at heart. His adverts are "tone poems" designed to elicit a feeling with a product (fear, excitement, nostalgia etc). And his movies have become compilations of increasingly-conflicting tone poems the older he's gotten. Michael Bay was the same way. He was never really a movie maker, but for a while there he was the master of "Move Trailer" techniques strung out into feature length. But then the length stretched to 2-3 hours (rather than a neat, tight 90 mins) and became incomprehensible exhausting dogshit.
Ridley "going to war" with his audience only resulted in his "tones" becoming unrelatable. Those of a rich old cranky frick yelling at the kids on his lawn or having a weird thing again Napoleon. (Seriously, who has a grudge against fkn Napoleon in this day and age).
>(Seriously, who has a grudge against fkn Napoleon in this day and age).
The eternal Anglo
it maybe looks a bit goofy in a big budget movie which is supposed to be gritty, but slipping while being in full panic mode and pumped full of adrenaline is actually a very realistic possibility.
HELLO MY BABY HELLO MY HONEY
whats with people never understanding that these movies are farces? they think its supposed to have the tone of like 2001 or some shit. Prometheus is explicitly a comedy. The other ridley Alien movies you have threads here every day about funny lines but somehow anons are so out of touch they think that they are the ones who are making the lines funny, not the film maker
>Prometheus is explicitly a comedy
Thank you, never change.
You rascal
This. Just laugh along with it.
hideous israelite
Alien vs Predator (which is canon) proves Covenant is cringe and a fanfic
It was rather comical. It's a decent movie though.
I just wonder how much muscle Michael Fassbender put on carrying the entire movie on his back.
>It's a decent movie though
Just because Fassbender was good doesnt mean the movie was good.
> character slips
> sounds of pans crashing and glass breaking then a cat screeching
>Not shatterproof glass on a spaceship.
fricking softest scifi ever
>I'M ACTING!!!!
Brother you are over with me
Keep putting that work in
What’s up with characters in Prometheus and Covenant being dumber than previous films?
jews
The really crazy thing is they do it twice in a row.
And then the girl shoots literally everything except the alien resulting in a giant explosion that kills everything - again - except for the alien.
It's like something taken out the scary movie-type parody of itsself.
This was absurd at the time, but since then they started releasing the bodycam footage for policewomen. Now it's the most scary thing in the movie.
Just compare how the "space truckers" act in Alien compared to humanities best and brightest in Prometheus.
Yeah the spaceweed smoking geolgist who cant into rocks is dumb but my favourite is still billy crudup from covenant wanting to do moronic shit and then playing the religious persecution card when people say they dont want to do moronic shit.
ah the movie where the only thing i can remember is that i forgot it all
I can excuse the slipping on blood
What I can't excuse was the first lady dying to the neomorph. Shes holding a knife and lets a little chihuahua sized creature attack her indiscriminately while she just takes it and doesn't even fight back. Doesn't even try to stab or slash it or pick it up off her. Just continues to hold the knife out like a moron while her face gets ripped apart
She kicked it across the room and it came back and got her. I hate that they're now supposedly so strong right after birth. They were at least supposed to be vulnerable then. But no, now they can kill grown adults and bust through reinforced glass on closed doors.
>She kicked it across the room and it came back and got her.
Thats what makes me hate it even more. After kicking it youd think she'd continue trying to fight it by using the fricking knife shes holding but no. She just screams as slashes at her instead of trying to protect her face or stab it
Good thread finally
is this an edit, I don't remember it being quite that stupid
the two scenes don't happen back to back but otherwise not edited.
>thing just mindlessly biting and slashing at face
>she just flails her hands around in the air, not even trying to grab it
>face is still intact instead of one red mass of gore and loose skinflaps
how do you go backwards from Alien this badly
I like the part where she shoots and blows up the whole ship
Don't you get it? It's a reference to Aliens, except moronic!
The biggest crime of this movie was the completely soulless gun and tech design. How the frick is this meant to be in the same design universe as Aliens.
>*slips on a banana peel* WHOOOOAAA HOOOOAAAAHH *cartoon slide whistle* *BANG* *BONK* WOOOOOAHOOOOP WHOOOAAAP WHOOOOOOP *cartoon cymbal crash*
If only.
Reminder the wrong Scott died.
That poor fricker, why won't they help him instead of launching flare after flare to prolong his suffering?
Prometheus was lighting in a bottle, they stood no chance of recreating its success once the studio started meddling
there was nothing lightning about prometheus at all. That's why they forced him to increase the Alien aspect of it which Ridley never intended or wanted. It wasn't supposed to be an Alien movie, that was just supposed to be a bait and switch to get extra butts in the seats from nerds who will buy anything. Ridley just wants to make his super smart gay android and 'creations angry at their creators' stories
careful, you'll summon dabid homohomosexual
i can hear him frothing at the mouth from people attacking his shit husbando film
Let's be real here, the average uncoordinated woman WOULD run in slip up fall on her ass and frick everything up and blow up the fricking ship in short order. TYPICAL woman behavior under distress. Men are meant to take over. Somewhat based realism by Ridley here. Anyway, Alien was a glorified monster movie. Prometheus followed in this, as did Covenant. They're nowhere near the masterpiece the lightning in the bottle that is Alien. But I like all kinds of monster movies, even if they're low budget crap, so when Ridley Scott serves it up with slick production values, coasting on the brilliance and legacy of HR Giger lets be honest here, it's still entertaining. I'm very fond of Prometheus especially restored editions with deleted scenes. Covenant was a serious step down, marred by Scott giving in to the studio, by shoe-horning in an abbreviated version of the original Alien cat and mouse game towards the end. Very lazy shit.