Do you think you could take him?
 Thalidomide Vintage Ad Shirt $22.14 |
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Thalidomide Vintage Ad Shirt $22.14 |
Do you think you could take him?
Do you think you could take him?
Thalidomide Vintage Ad Shirt $22.14 |
|
Thalidomide Vintage Ad Shirt $22.14 |
No
Little hobbits can kill them. Their armor is barely more than paper.
id win
He looks about 5'6 so yeah.
Gimli is like 5 foot and he could frick up 99% of people on the battlefield.
Literally me
Respect
>advanced manlet cope
he is the Wolverine of the LOTR universe
No main characters in any media novel or film have the level of plot armor bullshit the ones in lotr had. Gimli regularly 1v100 orcs without a scratch.
easy until he takes that helmet off, it would have to be a quick kill.
idk he's pretty fit for an american
>wearing think metal armor in a gun fight
ngmi
>guy on the left has an Armalite style rifle in pistol caliber.
He's definitely ngmi.
>le cultured citizen
>can't even spell
Book Uruk or movie Uruk? Book orcs were smaller with Uruks almost being man sized, movie orcs were just large Samoans.
I'd punch his neck or karate chop beneath his arm.
Could he put some pants on?
I would gladly take on 3-4 of them at once, if you know what I mean.
uruk-hai, right? they don't look too bad
Never thought I'd fantasize about a company of uruk-hais filling my hobbit hole, but here we are.
I can see their appeal better than lime green horde orcs.
warcraft "orcs" are literally the biggest disgrace in the entire orcish history.
warhammer orcs are also much better then warcraft version
Way too cartoonishly exaggerated and pretty much a parody. Tolkien's orcs are truly badass and still the best and most "grounded in reality", if I do put it that way.
for sure. the armor they have in the lotr trilogy is all great
man I love these designs, their so edgy but in a GOOD way I could admire them forever.
Wearing dwarf beards like scalp trophies is so gnarly.
SAY MY NAME! SAY MY NAME!
Warcraft's orcs were only cool to me in this expansion where only the evil one was green. I like Elder Scrolls' green orcs more.
>green orcs
No, just fricking stop. I absolutely HATE the whole idea that Orcs are supposed to be fricking green, like, what the literal frick? Whoever came up with this idea and popularized it should be fricking hang upside down and disemboweled.
Say it to their face, chuddie.
Skyrim is shit
skyrim orcs are literal shit because that's there gods backstory.
Another god literally ate an elven god, and shit him out.
The shit god that fell out of his was so fricked up by this experience that he and his followers where permanently transformed into orcs.
Somehow the orcs in the ES universe act like they are proud of there orc heritage, despite knowing they are all literal shit monsters.
>ES universe
More like ESL universe.
>orc
>amulet of talos
Warcraft orcs are originally brown. The green ones are the ones corrupted by fel energy.
retcon
No the retcon is that they turned green because they drank the blood of Mannoroth.
anon. they were all green until warcraft 3
Why do they then turn red when they drink it again?
And still, they gave us THE Orc.
Warcraft orcs are quite literally just copyright infringement moron no fun versions of warhammer orcs which is sad considering GW just steals shit from everything and pretends they invented it. They did however invent the concept of fluorescent moron bright orcs
For me, it's the thick uruk thighs and the suggestively long groin guard
>I think I figured out what you're up to, pal.
kino
the cake's back on the menu indeed
Looks like meat is REALLY back on the menu boys
Homos will frick anything, disgusting
tell me you wouldn't
That is absolutely disgusting homosexual. End yourself. Feel free to take a few of your homosexual friends with you on your way out.
I would gladly frick his ass.
You thought I was feelin' you? (Nah)
That homie a munch
homie a eater, he ate it for lunch
Bitch, I'm a baddie, I get what I want, like
RUOOOH
How was Sauron breeding his half orc army? There were like 10,000 troops. Rohan couldn't support that level of kidnapping, it had to be men breeding with female orcs he got from mordor/misty mountains.
Saruman
so did the orcs frick Saruman in his ass so he'd get buttpregnant with more half orcs or some shit?
Wrong. Sauron had Uruks before saruman. He taught Saruman how to make them.
It's explained in the book. There was a group of men that where super buthurt about being displaced by the rohirim, the area to the northwest of rohan mostly now. They where letting Saruman cuck there women with orcs
The Dunlendings
But they grew to adult male height in like a week, what kind of HGH was he feeding them?
Corn syrup and meth, just like momma used to make.
Uruks reproduce via budding.
Lots of pillowing
They grow out of pods in the ground
They do not. They are not fricking termites.
>They were Elves once, taken by the dark powers, tortured and mutilated
>A ruined and terrible form of life
I find this kind of sad and stupid. First elves exist. Through no fault of their own, get caught by Morgoth. Get tortured and corrupted into Orcs. From there on in, them and their descendents are forever stuck in hell and evilness. Such a dumb story design... probably the reason why Tolkien also disagreed that this is the origins of Orcs.
Being doomed to an existence of evil because of the circumstances of your birth seems ironically Calvinist
It's not even really down to circumstances. Some level got caught and some didn't. So a bunch of Elves got doomed to forever hell and their bloodline, all out of randomness (whoever was randomly taken).
Post fedora
Do you think it's possible that Orc corruption could be passed on sexually? Like, what if Orcs capture a bunch of Elves and just rape them until they are fully corrupted and become Orcs as well?
That's what happened to Elronds wife/arwens mom. She got kidnapped by orcs, taken into the mountains and held for a long time.
It doesn't explicitly say she got raped - but c'mon, she got fugged like it was going out of style. When they found her she was absolutely rekt, and they couldn't fix her, had to send her to valinor, and she is still a orc cum stained mess.
I'm pretty sure that orcs do not have any kind of genitals.
But even if they do, they're most likely sterile because remember, nothing that evil touches is able to produce any life.
Orcs are definitely not sterile. There are female orcs too. As well as the fact that Saruman says he got some orcs to rape some of the dunlendings.
why arent there any orc women in any of the LOTR movies then? I thought they got bred by magic in mud pits anyways
>why arent there any orc women in any of the LOTR movies then?
In Tolkiens own words, "There must have been orc-women. But in stories that seldom if ever see the Orcs except as soldiers of armies in the service of the evil lords we naturally would not learn much about their lives. Not much was known."
Basically the Orc women stayed at home and none of his stories covered what an Orc housewife does.
Are the tar mud pits from the movies not a good enough explanation? Why does everything have to be about sex?
The tar mud pits were invented by Jackson for the movies because he didn't want to/have the time to explain how they came to be.
The tar mud pits are a cooler idea. The idea that Sauron would simply allow a bunch of orc women to stay back at Mordor seems far-fetched to me.
We don't know where the Orc women are (I just assumed they stayed home). But Tolkien said "there must have been" (so they must have had sex) they are just not mentioned in his stories. Its not like human women are mentioned that much either, so where are they?
Mud cocoons are dumb concept. It's not particularly imaginative and is an easy way to not explain things.
Even movie Gimli says "Dwarves women must just pop up from the ground" another example of Jackson being unimaginative using the same "coming from ground concept" to explain shit.
They would have kept the orc women deep in Mordor, fat and pregnant at all times, underground. It is just like dwarvish women, we never see them, but know they must exist.
To be fair, Tolkien does mention that there are humans in Mordor and they're invariably slaves. It is very possible that they human women are just continually raped by orcs to produce Uruks. This also implies that there are orc-women that the human male slaves are forced to impregnate to make orcs. I'm surprised a doujin of this doesn't already exist. Get on it, Japan.
were there any actual cities in mordor? or was it all just a giant wasteland and/or volcanos or mountains
Most of Mordor is fairly green but industrialised. It was only Gorgoroth, the plateau where Mount Doom was, that was a wasteland.
Orcs are animated by the dark forces in the sense that melkor gives them sapience in that sense. theyre mere animals otherwise, like very primitive cavemen.
Orcs definitely fricked
What is your problem. Everything alive comes from some form of sex. Why are you so coy around the fact that living beings originate from sexual actions. Do you become shy when you realise you exist because of sex.
Say "sex" in your head 6 times a day and you will eventually grow out of your childish mentality.
maybe he is Asexual.
or it's the reincarnation of John Harvey Kellogg, and he wants to burn his penis off with acid because he hates sex so much
Orc women are all tradwives, of course.
now post her hotter chunkier buffer uruk sister
Because Tolkien's books were mostly about war against the evil forces so of course you're only going to see the combatants of dark forces.
And since Tolkien lived in an era before everyone turned into a pussy-worshipping feminist morons, he didn't need to ''''justify'''' why his orc armies weren't full of c**toids.
Of course they wouldn't be. Everyone knows c**ts can't fight. That's why Eowyn was so incredibly unusual.
Kind of moronic how modern media has basically made an Eowyn style story nonsensical.
>oh the GIRL is taking up a sword? what an unexpected and remarkable occurrence
Doesn't work now. Since every fantasy/scifi/modern army in fiction is jam packed full of c**t soldiers and we're all supposed to just play along and act like it's believable.
Same reason armies would spend a lifetime in the trenches and never see a woman.
Presumably nowhere but they will live again and be given a choice to side with Turin or Morgoth in the ‘Last Battle’ which destroys the world and decides who makes into the next world-cycle.
Other way around. It was Dunlending male on mountain orc female.
God I wish that were me.
They absolutely do. Orcs are just corrupted elves and humans, who do have genitals. They have all the same organs that elves and humans do, often times they have exagerated organs (like noses, ears, etc) which designate there use big nosed orc get used for tracking and such. Maybe there's orcs out there with huge wieners or pussies explicitly tasked with fricking as well.
Because peter jackson obviously didn't want to show orc rape pits in a pg-13 movie.
shit that's hot. There's a porn comic based on this premise that has Galadriel turned into an orc after getting gang rape by orcs.
That's what they get for fricking around in the forest instead of going to valinor, should of listened to the big glowing dude. But no!
>"We like the tree's and stars, gonna stay and check them out for a while."
you get what you fricking deserve!
If that's the case, why weren't all the elves who remained captured? Instead a random handful were captured and the rest who remained became the Nandor and the Sindar. So it still is random. It seems like the only random thing in Tolkiens legendarium whereas everything else makes sense and has a reasoning.
Tolkien is a hack, simple as. He changed his mind back and forth many times but ultimately could not form his own consensus about a shitload of things (of which orc lore suffered the most).
The best explanation is, the Silmarillion is an an account of Tolkiens own mind. It's the account of Elves and so "they" think that orcs are corrupted elves but in truth no one knows the origins of orcs.
A similar thing is written about Dwarves where its written that THEY (the dwarves) believe that when they die they go to the halls of mandos in a dedicated part, and eventually return to Aule.
The Silmarillion IS NOT* the account
where do dead Orcs go?
Mexico
Chilling
Well if they are from elf stock, they probably spend their time in the hall of mandos being spiritually healed if they don't resist the call, if they are of man stock they probably experienced the doom of men and are judged by god.
Orcs definitely believe they have souls, they are terrified of the nazgul because they will rip your soul out of your body when they torture you.
If we speculating on Tolkien’s own thoughts Orcs (Orcar-Foreigner) are literally what Anglo-Saxons called Southern Europeans and obviously Italians mate with other animals to reproduce themselves.
Are you moronic?
No, I'm simply putting forward the fact that even Tolkien found the origin of orc being corrupted elves as stupid. You frickers creating your own headcanons and unable too see that is what's moronic.
>How did some elves survive it doesn't make sense!!!
He's right you're moronic, go read the books again and pay attention this time
>"hey hummie, open the gate to Helms Deep and i'll suck your big pink dick"
would you?
No. I have a small human wiener and it cannot possibly compete with the BOC she and many elven girls are used to these days.
>Would I betray all my friends and family for a orc blowjob?
>Does Shadowfax know the meaning of haste?
i can fix her
this is a male, dude.
>tfw no snaga warbride (male)
would
I can fix him
Can you fix an orc back into an elf?
No, once the Elf's butthole has been raped by enough orcs, it's busted and loose forever
>tfw you'll never get to experience it yourself
Imagine yourself in that place...
This Iis dumb. If the first elves were captured and tortured into orcs. Who captured them and tortured them? Certainly not orcs like in this pic because orcs don't exist yet.
>Who captured them and tortured them?
Morgoth.
So the picture is wrong
this isn't even supposed to be depicting elves being captured for the purpose of further corruption, probably just a random elf war prisoner.
what do you think they're gonna do to him?
Rape.
Why would I want skinny boney Elf? Thick orc is where its at.
Orcs are mostly scraggly and malnourished.
Except for uruk hai (source: OP)
Uruk-hai are genetically altered, I doubt you could consider them "orcs" in the true sense of word.
I think any of the half breed type orcs that can walk outside in the sunlight and not turn into stone were made by black magic in some capacity. full blooded orcs and trolls in lord of the rings would turn into stone
orcs don't turn to stone, that's just trolls.
It just makes them sick, uncomfortable, weak, etc
I just remember in the extended edition of return of the king sauron was sending dark clouds out over the battlefield to shield his army from sunlight
they don't like the sun but it doesn't kill them like the trolls.
detransition from being an Orc? who knows
Tolkien just depicted it in a sort of some kind of Lore and Peter Jackson and Liberal shitheads had to make them the fallen Elf, of course
>Do you think you could take him?
a powerful female character could
I could take him up my ass, if you know what I mean
>unarmored thighs
As long as I have any edged weapon, yes.
Merry and pippin were taking them down by throwing rocks at their head
do you think he's packin a BUC?
i could definitely throat him until completion
I'm finally making some headway
Nice thighs homosexual
imagine having to fight one of these dudes, what would you do?
Probably die
Try to disable his arms.
They wouldn’t be in pits. That’s like saying the Germans and French stashed their women in the bunkers in WWI.
The women were in the agrarian back country living in villages. The orcs even talk about their ideal lifestyle, escaping military life to live as hunters and pseudo bandits with a chieftain who rewards them fairly.
This type of ideal life would be rough but you could raise a family in it.
You can not raise a family in “the trenches” of Mordor.
Not all biotic beings are the result of sex. Plants and Amoebas do not reproduce by sex.
Neither do fish.
In fact most things in the realm of the living reproduce by post birth fertilization or budding/seeding.
It's funny how everyone in this thread took the word "take" in the wrong way lol.
t. OP
We know
Thic orc wiener
It's just boring playing the same sex/gay joke
Go ahead on
>that zesty walk
Take in what sense?
Considering we see dozens die with a single sword strike despite wearing full plate armor, yeah, I think I can take him.
Uruk-hai are fricking hot, as a kid I had a big crush on Lurtz from the first moment I saw him stride in on screen like that.
How did we go from this to picrel, guys?
even though the orcs in The Hobbit look really, really bad I'm not saying the CGI looks cheap, I'm just saying it looks BAD I'd still frick Azog, because I'm a hopeless teratophile.
based
i'd smooch him
peak male performance
how big is his dick?
7 inches, soft
tiny, like a silverback gorilla. 2-3 inches fully erect.
>PP too small, Uruk-Hai can only get off by power bottoming.
you could've saved him 🙁
To be fair, bottom right is better than ginger.
>I want to live in Middle Earth! It'd be so comfy. Life was so pleasant and idyllic!
>Most of the human kingdoms are dead
>The lands all around are post apocalyptic full of ruins and ghosts of ages past
>There's monsters and large beasts in all the woods
>Everyone generally just stays inside their own little town and rarely travels because outside is so damn dangerous
The key is to live there after the war of the ring.
Do you think the Uruk-hai raped Merry and Pippin while they were in their possession?
>Looks like hobbit bussy is back on the menu, boys!
not the Uruk-hai and not exactly "raped"
>Dimly they were aware of Grishnákh’s great head and hideous face between them; his foul breath was on their cheeks. He began to paw them and feel them. Pippin shuddered as hard cold fingers groped down his back.
hot
they were specifically ordered not to
But why, did Saruman want their boypussies all for himself?
No, they where a lure for that homosexual gandalf. He figured he could tempt him with an army of muscular green orc boypussy.
But Gandalf was obsessed hobbit holes, orc boys where too much for him
>old man who wears a rainbow robe
Gee anon, what do you think?
maybe it simply wasn't rut season yet.
This animation is like those in weg 3d hentai frick and suck
test
They talk a big game but are pussies
?t=229
I could take an orc from the books but not an uruk from the movies
I think Lurtz is beautiful, he's definitely attractive in a sexual way.
all his scenes in fellowship are awesome at the very least. wouldnt call him sexy though
he is attractive for a lotr orc when you take a better look
I'd give myself to him without hesitation (perhaps even let him share me with some of his uruk buddies)
look at that cute lil snarl :3
Pretty gay thread
you are the one thats gay, you gay homosexual
Cum in my ass and say that, b***h
You won't
shame there's not much good orc gay porn
>I want them alive and unspoiled
what would spoiling them entail?
PO TA TOES
Eating them.
Cinematic LotR orcs aren't sexual because they reproduce via mud sacs.
Not sick.
Like don't stab the little frickers and let them get an infection.
never heard of "spoils of war"
he meant don't loot them
Probably can't even do a pull up
Goblins!
Man, porn has really fricked things up worst than I thought. Cant even have a LOTR thread on Cinemaphile anymore without it rapidly devolving into extreme depravity. More than half of this thread is just talking about sex
>Until at last, I threw down my enemy upon the bedsheets and smote her ruin with my creampie.
Melkor raped the female balrog that didn't join his side
nope.
IT'S MAAM
take him where? to dairy queen?
are orcs able to eat ice cream?
No, but I could top him.
>You cut cut through their armor like paper
>Hobbits with tiny rocks were able to knock them out fully armored
Uruks were one of the most badly portrayed things in the films. Also armor in general.
They forgot to render the chainmail?
Also this Uruk Hai makes me uncomfortable, too squat and busty…wtf.
KATMUDA
in a fight?
Yes. Unfortunately for this moronic gorilla his armor doesn't protect his femural arteries.
Fricking homosexuals
Yeah, I'd win.