Episode I sucks, sorry

>Chancellor Valorum sends two Jedi to Naboo to check out the situation

>Jedi ambassadors are immediately attacked by Trade Federation guys, and the diplomatic ship they arrived in is destroyed

>ok, the Jedi have a pretty solid case against them now, just gotta report back to Valorum

>can't call him because communications are cut off, have to physically return to Coruscant

>decide to ask the Naboo queen to come with them while they're at it because "it's not safe for her there"

>she refuses, but they convince her to tag along anyway even though she's not important to their goal

>Jedi are now on their way to report what they found to Valorum

>bunch of nonsense happens, but they finally get to Coruscant

>movie forgets the original goal was for the Jedi to urgently report what they saw to Valorum

>movie forgets Valorum sent the Jedi in the first place

>Jedi are ignored, they stand literally next to Valorum but don't even talk to him about their findings

>movie now thinks the goal was for the QUEEN to report to Valorum

>the Queen tells Valorum she was invaded

>he doesn't believe her

>Valorum asks if he can send some guys to check it out to prove it

>he LITERALLY ALREADY DID THAT AT THE BEGINNING OF THE FILM

The sequels may suck, but that doesn't mean the prequels are any better. This movie is absolute nonsense and every time I watch it I find something else that's stupid. Did they even write a second draft of the script before filming?

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  1. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    didn’t read lol. disney lost, redlettermedia lost. george won.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      lol ok buddy

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      lol sure he did, ok

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Isn't the real dilemma that the Republic are weak-ass UN-tier pussies and can't do anything about the invasion anyway?

      George literally backed up Disney, dumbass.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        sure, but it's still weird that Valorum asks to send a delegation to check out the situation when he literally already did it and apparently completely forgot about it, lol

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          There is a scene in the movie where you can see Valorum about to do the right thing but then sleazy political types clearly convince him not to just out of earshot.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            See that may be true, but by ignoring this OP still has an argument which is why he never mentioned it

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Valorum is canonically senile ala Joe Biden

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >can't do anything about the invasion anyway
        Which really doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make sense that the republic has no standing military to enforce its power over the thousands of worlds, yet it acts like it does. Regardless, tons of the members have their own fleets and armies, and they'd surely be able to make a little coalition to stomp on the trade federation fleet. The Jedi have supposedly been handling such matters for centuries, so they should have far more capability than just laser swords and infantry.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Yeah, that's also a good point. The movie doesn't really make it clear that the Republic doesn't have an army, though... THAT little bit of idiotic nonsense wasn't made up until George scribbled together the script for AOTC

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >Regardless, tons of the members have their own fleets and armies, and they'd surely be able to make a little coalition to stomp on the trade federation fleet.
          and NATO could send Russia back into the stone age in several days, yet they're stuck debating how little scraps can they send Ukraine without appearing totally useless on the international stage.
          never underestimate a bureaucrats cowardice and unwillingness to take any real decision

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            This. Plus there's certain trust issues to contend with. The Gran Protectorate bloc of the Senate prior to the Ruusan Reformation that removed their military used to invade neighboring worlds and curbstomp them into submission. Malastare used to belong to the Dugs; the Gran invaded them, subjugated them, and stayed so long Malastare became the capital world of the entire Protectorate. The last thing you might want coming to your rescue are Gran "Peacekeepers" that might decide to let you repay your debt to them with letting them have a permanent colony.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >and NATO could send Russia back into the stone age in several days

            Do guys like you really not grasp the idea of nuclear weapons?

            • 4 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              There are doubts Russia's even work, they've been so undermaintained for the past thirty years.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            oh please. the western world completely shit on the precedent set by the cuban missile crisis. not invading russia outright is because they know that they're fully in the wrong and are committed to framing this as a violent, unhinged invasion of poor innocent ukraine, no matter the cost.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          The Republic didn't have an army. The member planets do. Ep2 is about the secret federal army sheev created to centralize his power.

          The Republic planets purposefully didn't want a federal army.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >George literally backed up Disney, dumbass.
        AFTER he called Disney "White slavers". I guess there was an anti-disparagement clause in his contract Disney called him out on.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Just think of star wars as an allegory for american forign policy from the 1930s to like the 1970s

        the republic is a stand in for the allies
        the trade federation are the japanese
        coruscant is china being molested by the japanese
        the two jedi are reporters trying to get people to give a shit about japan to prep the bull for when they finally pearl harbor them so we can have a heckin justificaiton for a clone war.

        yeah its convoluted, in this version of history the allies are secretly controlled by hitler (the sith) but thats what you get when some boomer writes a story based on his child hood memories of ww2 propaganda and scifi serials.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          homie, you schizo.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous
        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          so basically what you're saying is that Vader did nothing wrong.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Lucas won when he sold SW to Disney.
      Who lost is everyone else

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I mean even he came to regret it.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I am sure he did after supporting Iger

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Unfathomably based
      >RLM shills eternally BTFO
      >Mike Stokazzo malding on suicide watch
      >George status ascend to kino-god
      >Prequelgays total victory
      Best timeline.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Also Jay got fat again.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      FPBP, I will never say sorry to George ONLY because I never lost faith in the first place
      #yolo #swag

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      RianJohnsonbros…our response?

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >RianJohnsonbros...our response
        JJbros, our response

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >HAHAHAH THIS RICH BILLIONAIRE WON! TAKE THAT LIBTARDS!!
      do amerimutts really?

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        He's one of the good ones

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >DON’T TALK SHIT ABOUT MY FRIEND SIMULATOR E-CELEBS!!!! LUCAS I- IS A GORILLIONAIRE!
        no one cares, homosexual.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      It's been fourteen hours, has anyone issued a wellness check on OP after this?

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      You crushed him like a bug.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      keyed

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >Disney lost
      >when they are the ones making money for rereleasing a shitty movie

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I need to rewatch TPM

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Epic W

  2. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    lol ok buddy

  3. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >have FTL but not e-mail

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >
      Lol true, plus they could have reported back by making a phone call from some random location on Tatooine but they don't do that either, they act like they have to PHYSICALLY get back to Coruscant even though they don't really have to in order to complete their mission

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Tattoine wasn't part of the republic, so it's possible they don't have a communication network with Couruscant.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        theres no cross galaxy phone calls dummy

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Palpy literally started a group call with all the Clones commanders at the same time to execute Order 66 and you also see him talking to Anakin and Dooku when they are in various parts of the galaxy.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        He probably did tell him once he got to Coruscant, but he had no proof, and the situation had hugely escalated since then, not to mention that Amidala would have made a much more convincing case in the senate, so they just went with that.

        They state that they were worried about their call being traced and having the Trade Federation come looking for them.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >but he had no proof
          There was literally an invasion going on.
          They should have any prove they want at this point.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        They purposely didn't call back because the queen was in hiding and was at risk of assassination.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          That's stupid. A fleet of rescue ships surely would have been in orbit within less than a day to pick her up then investigate what's going on at Naboo.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Whose rescue ships? Naboo didn't have anything. Naboo isn't an important planet. They're opening themselves up to get intercepted by trade fed or someone else before help arrives.

            They're purposefully only speaking with Watto, a nobody starship junkyard. By blind luck Watto has the needed compatible hyperspace parts.

            Calling for help or trading for a working ship, or purchasing tickets was their backup plan. Also the Jedi delay the queen's escape to kidnap/purchase the force sensitive boy because Jedi literally kidnap all force sensitive children as toddlers, but tattooine was outside their search radius, so he wasn't discovered earlier.

            Only Jedi are allows to have force powers.

            • 4 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              >By blind luck Watto has the needed compatible hyperspace parts.
              You talk about the alternative solutions in your next paragraph, but it seems obvious that as soon as they realize they don’t have the needed currency for purchase that selling their fancy ship and smuggling Amidala off world on a passenger freighter is the best option. The betting on the pod race isn’t necessary. By merit of Watto allowing Qui Gon to use the ship as collateral proves its value. If the Jedi have their own personal interest in the boy then they could return to the planet after completing their mission.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                It is a movie. Potentially they could have gone to a business that would accept credits and convert to local currency and just buy the part from Watto.

                However consider that Jedi aren't perfect, do make mistakes, do choose bad plans and miss alternatives. Yes anon, you're probably correct, however the Jedi decided to take a bunch of risks on a hairbrained plan, and making stupid decisions isn't unrealistic.

  4. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I move for a vote of no confidence in OP's leadership

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      the face of a man who asks to do something he already did at the start of the movie

  5. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Forget it, op. It's a George Lucas flick.

  6. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    yea, prequels are much more substantial than the original movies, its no comparison

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I didn't even mention the originals, why did you bring them up? And did you even read the post? lmao

  7. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Just saw it in theaters and after the pod race the movie is really fricking boring til maul comes back on screen, or after the fight at the desert. After the desert fight the film feels like straight filler shit til the final battle.

  8. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >The sequels may suck, but that doesn't mean the prequels are any better.

    This is true, and I have hated the prequels more than most historically but now with the sequels somehow managing to be even worse in some ways I almost look back at the prequels in a positive light because at least back then star wars was still enjoyable even if the movies had become crap now neither the movies are good nor star wars itself. No good video games, no good books, no cool characters, nothing.

    At the very least the prequels have a certain nostalgic charm to them, remembering watching them as a kid and realizing how dumb and crappy they were while playing actually good star wars games like Battlefront, Jedi Knight, Knights of the Old Republic, Podracer etc.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >back then star wars was still enjoyable even if the movies had become crap
      Because George didn't go on screeching tirades about everything being the fan's fault. He even admitted "I may have gone a little too far in places" taking actual accountability for his failures, and he massively cut down on Jar Jar's screen time in E2 & E3. I loathe the prequels as well, but Thank God George wasn't attacking us like everyone else does these days.

  9. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    both the prequels and sequels are equally bad.

    but

    george lucas, for whatever reasons, allowed the EU to fix his mistakes, to build on what he threw down, and make something better. But disney wanted complete control over the franchise, and killed the EU, and now star wars is dead.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      The EU was never canon.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        it didn't need to be

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        So non-canon that it had to be declared non-canon, huh?

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        We have always been at war with Eurasia.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Yes it was

  10. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    you forgot to add that Hershlag literally courts an underage boy

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Not really. Once they leave Tatooine, Padme and Anakin barely even interact, and then in AotC, she just acts annoyed/frustrated/creeped out by him until maybe the point where they go to find Shmi.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >ntil maybe the point where they go to find Shmi.
        Genociding Sand People made Hershlag wet.....What was George trying to say here???

  11. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    nah its good

  12. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    the prequels are hilariously bad
    you could spend days talking about all the pure nonsense
    my favorite was when they go through the planets water core and somehow traverse tens of thousands of miles in a few minutes

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      the whole description of the 'planet core' is so simple and wrong it fricks up the immersion.
      the cave rivers
      the buried ocean
      the drowned labyrinth....

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >my favorite was when they go through the planets water core and somehow traverse tens of thousands of miles in a few minutes
      That's "hilariously bad", but AT ATs moving 5 feet per hour purely out of plot convenience is based and kino because ________ ?

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        you wouldn't get it

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Concession: accepted.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        What happened to these fatass fast as frick troop carriers the Republic had?

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          TERRIBLE ground clearance

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        because the original trilogy came out when they were 12 years old
        its hilarious to me that people excuse the ewoks in jedi but then turn around and act like they have the authority to call anything in the prequels silly

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >AT ATs moving 5 feet per hour
        Imagine having to exaggerate this badly to try to insult them. Fricking sad.

        because the original trilogy came out when they were 12 years old
        its hilarious to me that people excuse the ewoks in jedi but then turn around and act like they have the authority to call anything in the prequels silly

        >its hilarious to me that people excuse the ewoks in jedi
        Many people were never fans, and Ewoks had ALWAYS been the brunt of jokes until Jar Jar came alone. Ewoks, however, clearly ATE PEOPLE (and were going to eat Han), and they fricking died in Jedi, so they weren't given the Plot Armor like the Gungans were with that Slapstick end battle with the Droid army in TPM.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >Imagine having to exaggerate this badly to try to insult them. Fricking sad.
          How am I exaggerating the issue with them though?
          They move extremely slowly for a universe with all kinds of fast vehicles for no reason besides they have to for the plot to work.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >How am I exaggerating
            >5 feet an hour
            >Not even the distance of ONE Mark Hamill per HOUR
            >They move extremely slowly for a universe with all kinds of fast vehicles for no reason besides they have to for the plot to work.
            Aside from the fact that you're the first person in over 40 years to even make that claim which should be your first fricking hint that you're wrong, the whole purpose is that the Empire carries these ALL TERRAIN vehicles for whatever they encounter, AND the fact Vader literally choked Admiral Ozzel to DEATH because he jumped out of Hyperspace too close to the planet which alerted the Rebels, they put up their shield, and the Empire had to drop the AT-AT's out of range of the shield, and they still covered the ground pretty fricking fast. They're carrying massive firepower, but if you want less firepower just to get speed that's something different. EVERYTHING is literally handed to you in the fricking film and you're too gay to grasp any of it. The AT-AT's were fricking massive weapons with heavy armor that the Rebels struggled to penetrate. If you want cartoon physics and cartoon logic just stick with your Disney shit you little homosexual.

            • 4 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              >Aside from the fact that you're the first person in over 40 years to even make that claim
              The claim that the walkers conveniently move slow as shit for no good reason besides that they looks cool is not a new observation lmao.
              The rest of your post is cope, They lumber along slowly so the scene as written can work, simple as.
              My point isn't that this makes the movie bad. Exactly the opposite. That conveniences like that in sci fi/fantasy flicks don't really matter, and it seemed like everyone was on the same page about that until 1999.
              The OT has this kind of shit in abundance, as do the Star Trek movies, etc. That and imperfect VFX were just part of the sci fi/fantasy game until 1999.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >The claim that the walkers conveniently move slow as shit for no good reason besides that they looks cool is not a new observation lmao.
                God, you're such a lying moron.

                Hey GENIUS, HOW would the plot of the Battle of Hoth been any fricking different if the AT-ATs were FASTER?? Would the Rebels have WON the fricking battle? You keep making moronic as frick statements. You are a goddamn idiot. None of your whataboutism nitpicking is going to save TPM

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >HOW would the plot of the Battle of Hoth been any fricking different if the AT-ATs were FASTER??
                All the rebels would be killed, big boy.
                youse you're brian

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >All the rebels would be killed
                Except they wouldn't you fricking moron

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                huh?

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Choosing race cars over tanks doesn't win wars, fricktard, and dropping armor in favor of speed would have just got them shot down by the Rebels canon defenses. You lost when you couldn't understand how you were exaggerating, and you're clinging to this argument with moronic premises that simply don't fricking work. You are a petulant child.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                huh?

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Oh My God you're really legit moronic! Oh you poor dear. Tell your mommy you've had enough internet for today.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
                >Mah tanks need to Mary Sues! Super Fast, Super Armored, Super weaponed! They have to do everything or mah heckin' movie is FLAWED!!!

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >The claim that the walkers conveniently move slow as shit for no good reason besides that they looks cool is not a new observation lmao.
                >nnnNO, I'm NOT the first to want fast moving AT-At's instead of realistically moving huge war machines, others agree with meeeeeee too!

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                One guy and possibly two if the guy who posted the turbo tank counts agree with me in this thread alone. Seethe.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                And 4 out of 5 doctors used to recommend cigarettes you dumb frick. This isn't fricking plebbit, and even if anyone (who's TOTALLY NOT YOU) is dumb enough to AGREE with you doesn't mean that people have been arguing your point for 40 years you fricking high school dropout.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                huh?

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >high school dropout confirmed

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                I didn't go to school, I went to films.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >I went to films.
                And you're as moronic and nonsensical as TPM, homosexual.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Except the Ewoks actually defeat the Imperial ground forces, while the Gungans lose to the Droid army. It's only because of Anakin destroying the control ship and Padme capturing the Viceroy that they win.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >Except the Ewoks actually defeat the Imperial ground forces, while the Gungans lose to the Droid army
            Okay, what's your fricking point? The Ewoks earned their victory and paid the price in blood. What are we "EXCEPT"ing here?

            • 4 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              The scenes are horrible. Ewoks throwing rocks and pathetically tapping their heads kills them instantly. The troopers and officers don't even fight back. Only the ATSTs get kills and they still lose to fricking tree logs and Ewoks commandeering them even though they have the strength of children. It's fricking ridiculous and easily the worst part of the entire 6 film saga. The Gungans actually had ray shields and anti-tech bombs and they still lost, it's 10x more believable.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Wow, was that too hard to fricking say in the first place instead of that previous nonsense comment? Again, Ewoks were the MOST hated thing about Star Wars until Jar Jar came along. You act like you're trailblazing new fricking ground here, whew lad!
                >easily the worst part of the entire 6 film saga.
                Kek, no, not by a fricking mile. But debating that is pointless because you're clearly moronic.
                >pathetically tapping their heads kills them instantly.
                Oooh there you go exaggerating again! I don't recall any fricking "tapping". Nobody saw that the Stormtroopers were dead from the "tapping on the head", they could have easily have been unconscious, but the FACT is that at the end celebration there were enough empty helmets used as drums, so I like to think the Ewoks brought them back to EAT them (like they were going to eat Han, and whomever they ate in the past that wore a dress that perfectly fit Leia when she arrived to the village). None of this compares to the patheticness of the Gungans, and ooh boy they lost! Because they were gays, like you.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Massive cope and mental gymnastics. Imperial ground forces shouldn't lose to fricking Ewoks. End of story.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >Imperial ground forces shouldn't lose to fricking Ewoks.
                But....they did. They underestimated them, didn't consider them a threat. It's literally happened in military history many times where a vastly superior force is destroyed by a lesser force due to underestimating them. Gee Whiz, maybe if the AT-AT's were faster they'd hit fricking trees like Speeder bikes, huh? Not to mention, the Rebels did more than their fair share of beating the Imperials while they were distracted by the Ewoks. Man, you've been filtered HARD.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Yeah except the smaller force in real life are always are the same species and have fricking guns. 2 foot teddy bears with sticks shouldn't be able to beat human beings with blasters in any scenario.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Okay, except they did. They clearly stabbed a group in the bushes. And again, how many times does it need to be repeated, the Rebels shot a ton of imperials. Ewoks weren't doing all of the fighting you dumb gay.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                The Rebels had one shuttle worth of troops on the moon. They were not doing the majority of the fighting by any logical stretch.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >They were not doing the majority of the fighting by any logical stretch.
                Show me where I said that you goalpost moving homosexual. They DID do the majority of shooting Imperials though, you fricking homo. And over the course of three films they demonstrated the marksmanship of Stormtroopers, Han Solo, and Princess Leia among others.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                So one shuttle's worth of troops and furry teddy bears beat a garrison protecting the most important Imperial facility in the galaxy. Yeah, I think that anon had a point and you're just coping like a moron.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                It's a children's film.
                >So one shuttle's worth of troops and furry teddy bears beat a garrison protecting the most important Imperial facility in the galaxy.
                Han, Leia & Chewie are not "troops". They are all tremendously skilled marksman. Ewoks popping out of the bushes isn't much different from Vietnam's tunnel rats. Even if it's a stretch for you, It's nowhere near as hard to believe as so much of the PT bullshit, and I particularly like the part where a Stormtrooper picks up and tosses an Ewok. Again, you homosexual children are NOT trailblazing new ground hating on the Ewoks. We've all hated them since 1983. But they're better and more believable than moronic Gungans. I mean, if you dipshits want to think Lil' Orphan Annie can just "oops" and "yippee" his way through blowing up the Droid control ship as a more plausible scene than Ewoks with heroes Han, Leia and Chewie can beat a legion of troops, that's your prerogative.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >It's a children's film.
                The shitter's comeback, thanks for making it. Jar Jar being dumb is fine, dude, it's a children's film
                >But they're better and more believable than moronic Gungans. I mean, if you dipshits want to think Lil' Orphan Annie can just "oops" and "yippee" his way through blowing up the Droid control ship as a more plausible scene than Ewoks with heroes Han, Leia and Chewie can beat a legion of troops, that's your prerogative.
                As that guy pointed out, the Gungans lost. So what are you complaining about? Also, Anakin blowing up the Droid Control Ship after being a skilled podracer is completely equivalent to Luke blowing up the Death Star after having offscreen T-16 training.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >The shitter's comeback, thanks for making it. Jar Jar being dumb is fine, dude, it's a children's film
                It means you're not going to get full impalement on a spear by Ewoks, and the violence is toned down for children. Sorry I had to explain this to you, child.
                >Anakin blowing up the Droid Control Ship after being a skilled podracer is completely equivalent to Luke blowing up the Death Star after having offscreen T-16 training.
                >ITS DA SAME THANG!!!!!!
                Holy shit know I know you're legit moronic.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >Holy shit know I know you're legit moronic.
                >no comeback
                Lmao, because you literally have none. You know they're exactly equivalent.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      This Anon gets it. Even more fricking moronic George Lucas somehow expects us to believe that the entire events of TPM all take place in just 134 minutes. What a hack.

  13. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Valorum does a Biden
    >WAIT, WHY ARE THEY DEPOSING HIM FROM CHANCELLOR, HE'S SHOWN RUNNING THINGS SMOOTHLY. REEEE THIS IS SHIT WRITING.

  14. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    This is actually accurate with real life politicians.

  15. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Only bit missing in your wall of greentext is the lack of evidence presented to Valorum and the Senate that anything was going on with an invasion of Naboo. It was the word of Padme and the Jedi vs that of the Trade Ferderation rep in the Senate. Valorum wanted to take action but Mas Amedda counseled caution, so he proposed an exploratory commission to investigate and provide the evidence, but Padme demanded immediate action and called for the no-confidence vote, which effective shut down any such investigation because now the Senate's wrapped up in voting in a new Chancellor and Naboo is nicely shuffled into being background noise.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      So its word of the Queen of Naboo and the Jedi he appointed on the mission vs a greedy trade corporation with its own standing army(something the republic lacks) and they thought the israelites were more trustworthy?

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        The israelites sit on the Senate. the Queen of Naboo doesn't.

        The Jedi returning without their starship and crew is direct evidence. Their word should be indisputable. And they should be perfectly authorized to use jedi mind tricks or forceful interrogation on the trade federation to express the truth. The idea that they'd be wringing their hands, not believing the Jedi, and looking to take a month to even just send somebody out to find out what they already know is silly

        Notice how the Jedi weren't there testifying? Because Valorum sent them without Senate permission. There was no ship and crew because the Jedi never went there, and if it were revealed that he did send them it would discredit him. Valorum knew because they reported to him how it went down, but he could only put Padme on the floor to plead for assistance, but her word isn't enough in a he said-she said position, hence the proposal for a Senate-sanctioned investigation, but Sheev whispered sweet nothings in Padme's ear that Valorum was going to suggest "half-measures" and nothing tangible would get done quickly, so she called for the no-con vote, which played right into Sheev's plan to bog down any response in Senate shit.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Sheev was entirely right about republics though. They're shit. He had every right to use that round ass building as his personal toilet bowl.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >the testimony of the Jedi wouldn't have been admissible in the Senate anyway

          Then why even send them in the first place? And why wasn't there a scene where the Jedi give him the real story? (because George forgot about it when writing the script). They don't even say anything about it to Valorum even when they're standing right next to him

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >Then why even send them in the first place?
            Because if Valorum wanted the real story, it was less likely the Jedi would be bamboozled by whatever the TF offered them to tell their story, unlike what might happen with a regular delegation. The TF knew someone would come around, but when it turned out to be Jedi (surprise!) they panicked and called Sidious, who told them to kick off the invasion and kill the Jedi, but the TF only got half that done. Valorum had to call in a personal favor to get Jedi assigned to that mission, but he did it without discussing it with the Senate, which violated all kinds of laws about deploying Jedi because they aren't the Chancellor's personal army and oversight is a thing.

            As for why there isn't a debriefing scene in Valorum's office, only Lucas knows but I'm betting one ended up on the foley room floor because MUH LITESABURS needed more space.

            • 4 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              >Valorum had to call in a personal favor to get Jedi assigned to that mission, but he did it without discussing it with the Senate, which violated all kinds of laws about deploying Jedi because they aren't the Chancellor's personal army and oversight is a thing.
              Then Sidious could have used that argument against the jedis, showing they're untrustworthy and only loyal to money and think they're above laws, but he didn't because that was a waste of time

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >Then Sidious could have used that argument against the jedis, showing they're untrustworthy and only loyal to money and think they're above laws, but he didn't because that was a waste of time
                And because Valorum never says he used Jedi. The Senate never discovers that before Valorum is ousted.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Who pays for the Jedi's spaceship fuel? What about their food and utilities? Lightsabers look expensive. Are they state-funded or do they rely on donations and tax-exempt status like IRL churches? Or are they a powerful body in politics all on their own like the old world Holy See?

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                The particulars of the arrangement between the Jedi and the Republic have never been fully outlined, but 20,000 years before TPM the Jedi swore their Order into service to the Republic but remain a semi-autonomous organization within it. I imagine the Jedi get a slice of the Republic's GDP for operating expenses.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >Then Sidious could have used that argument against the jedis, showing they're untrustworthy and only loyal to money and think they're above laws, but he didn't because that was a waste of time
                And because Valorum never says he used Jedi. The Senate never discovers that before Valorum is ousted.

                the republic n senate not finding out jedis were deployed like lapdogs IS a plothole

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      The Jedi returning without their starship and crew is direct evidence. Their word should be indisputable. And they should be perfectly authorized to use jedi mind tricks or forceful interrogation on the trade federation to express the truth. The idea that they'd be wringing their hands, not believing the Jedi, and looking to take a month to even just send somebody out to find out what they already know is silly

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Not to mention the Queen’s ship took visible damage escaping the blockade.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      So its word of the Queen of Naboo and the Jedi he appointed on the mission vs a greedy trade corporation with its own standing army(something the republic lacks) and they thought the israelites were more trustworthy?

      The Jedi returning without their starship and crew is direct evidence. Their word should be indisputable. And they should be perfectly authorized to use jedi mind tricks or forceful interrogation on the trade federation to express the truth. The idea that they'd be wringing their hands, not believing the Jedi, and looking to take a month to even just send somebody out to find out what they already know is silly

      True, but the worst part is that the Jedi NEVER actually give their testimony in the first place. They don't even say a word about it to Valorum. It's like after all the Tatooine bullshit, George literally just forgot what the original mission was when he was writing the script and never fixed it, but it's left as this glaring inconsistency right in the middle of the movie

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        It's not glaring at all, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan were never supposed to be there, their mission was unsanctioned by the Senate.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Then why bother sending them at all? Plus, it seemed to be common knowledge... Amidala mentions it when she asks if the Jedi ambassadors arrive (when she calls up Nute Gunray at the beginning) and her entire cabinet know about it when they ask Palpatine about it too, before their communications are shut down.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >Amidala mentions it when she asks if the Jedi ambassadors arrive
            Now this is a true inconsistency. Unless Padme was directly communicating with Valorum and he told her he was sending Jedi on the down-low in advance of the invasion and before the jamming field came down, she had no way of knowing that.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Wouldn't the reason be that palpatine wanted two Jedi killed secretly? Isn't the entire point of 1-3 just sheev getting power to kill off the rest of the Jedi? I'm not sure if I'd give George credit for having that be the idea as he seems to make the movies up minute by minute but in the grand scheme that would make sense

            • 4 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              Palpatine probably expected Naboo to capitulate and play things from there. He's playing several long games, not some autisticly specific singular plan.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >Then why bother sending them at all?
            To resolve the crisis without bureaucracy.

            >Amidala mentions it when she asks if the Jedi ambassadors arrive
            Now this is a true inconsistency. Unless Padme was directly communicating with Valorum and he told her he was sending Jedi on the down-low in advance of the invasion and before the jamming field came down, she had no way of knowing that.

            Valorum telling Palp who then tells his planet doesn't seem that strange.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >it was just the word of two super wise space monks who are also psychic spies, generals and assassins and whom Chancellor Valuim trusts enough to send them on a crucial diplomatic mission

  16. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    No it doesn't and it never did. Thanks for your telephoned "opinion" that was predigested for you like a baby bird. Go back to the coal mines, pleb. You will never be a real person.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Face it, Disney ruined SW and it's not coming back.
      The prequels are kino and we were wrong

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >screencapping your own post

        star wars survived the prequels, despite the prequels, because the EU was allowed to do its own thing. star wars didn't survive disney because disney wanted total control over the EU

  17. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    That was basically the point. Democracy fails during times of crisis.

  18. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Why does the Republic lack any type of army/fleet?

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      This is a good point and it's one of the stupid ideas that JJ actually brought into the Sequels for some stupid reason

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      There just wasn't a reason because there had been peace for a thousand year, planets had their own defense forces but like Naboo they were mainly for parades and shit.
      The sequels make the concept even more moronic by having the new republic disband the military a couple decades after the empire was pushed back - pushed back not even fully defeated.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        So why is a trade organization allowed to maintain a gigantic fleet and robotic army?

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          They didn't have all that much in the first movie and most of what they did have was off the shelf security droids which the trade federation could easily justify stock piling.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >all that much

            Enough to invade and occupy an entire major planet and also maintain their security needs abroad?

            • 4 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              They caught them off guard and forced a surrender- and they only managed to do that because of palps. They ultimately get defeated by a bunch of swamp dwellers and a handful of ceremonial starfighters.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >a handful of ceremonial starfighters
                They only sort of were. The N-1 was produced for sale to other worlds as well as self-defense for Naboo.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          SHALL NOT

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Except no actual states within the republic are allowed to maintain such a force

            so the republic is already randomly stomping on your snake

            • 4 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              It makes no sense that they don't have an army. Not even a small professional army. How this system even survived for so many years?

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                The Senate hand-in-hand with the Jedi neutralized most problems at the table for a thousand years.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Hilariously, through a loophole. Every member world of the Republic had the right to maintain a police force and minimal planetary defense; the Trade Federation is comprised of dozens of client worlds in dozens of systems, and their corporation is fleet-based. Mash all their worlds' defense forces into one unified force and suddenly you have a armed fleet, and the battledroids you sell on the open market are just as capable of being used to defend your own property, well...

  19. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Your premise is dumb. The Jedi were there to try spook them into a settlement. The invasion was reported. The Chancellor is just weak and is up against the Senate that is being manipulated by Palpatine.

  20. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    The Trade Federation is Israel
    Naboo is Palestine/Gaza
    Valorum is Biden

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Except we can't ditch Biden before the election.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Valorum is far too well-intentioned. Valorum is like a well-intentioned liberal from 30 years ago. They're all warmongering neolibs now. Basically just neocons in blue.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Palpatine is Trump

  21. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Why didn’t Qui-Gon just visit one of the larger dealers? Why did he trust Watto

    Why didn’t Qui-Gon just use the force mind trick on another merchant to swap out credits for money Watto would take?

    Why didn’t Anakin and the Jedi free Shmi? Why did they end up not even visiting her for like 10 years?

    Why did the droids park so far away from Theed? They parked on the other side of the planet

    Why didn’t Obi-Wan use Force Speed to save Qui-Gon?

    Why didn’t Darth Mail swing upward?

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >Why didn’t Darth Mail swing upward?
      he was blinded by the dark side and could not see the lightsaber coming for him

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >>Why didn’t Anakin and the Jedi free Shmi? Why did they end up not even visiting her for like 10 years?
      this is such bullshit tbqh

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I am forever butthurt that they didn't have natalie portman personally buy out the mom as a secret favor to anakin despite the jedi not helping because of buddhist attachment spiel

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Good point. Amidala would pay to free her. The Jedi wouldn't.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        She is literally a freed woman with a family and property by the time of her death. This is not really a plot hole it just feels shitty because Anakin might not have turned evil if his mother never died.

  22. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Accurate summary, well done OP. Writing a plot summary of this movie is not an easy thing to do. Not because of an intelligent or complex plot, that's usually pretty straightforward to summarise from an audience perspective because an intelligent plot will keep you focused no matter how complex. With the Phantom Menace it's the exact opposite - the narrative becomes so illogical and incomprehensible it's difficult not to become hopelessly bored and just zone out. I remember the first time I saw it, afterwards I was like "Wait... so what happened exactly?" So I didn't feel comfortable criticizing it because I felt like I hadn't fully understood it. All the boring political dialogue and talk of trade sanctions and tax policies creates a superficial appearance of complexity. It's a surprisingly effective way to confuse morons into thinking they've just witnessed something quite high-minded and cerebral.
    >I'm not quite following this, guess it's pretty clever
    But when you break it down not only is the complexity just not there - also absent is narrative cohesion, character arcs, basic logic and all the other necessary ingredients of a well-written satisfying story. When I saw the film years later I realized the reason I didn't get it was because it straight-up doesn't make sense. Nonsensical things continue to happen until the narrative completely collapses. It's just heavily obfuscated by boring dialogue, pretty visuals and lightsaber fights.

    People say it needed a page one rewrite and they're not wrong, but before even doing that it needed a complete restructure of the narrative to get the story beats landing in the right places. It's like they built a house on a foundation of custard. The house is slowly sinking, parts of it are collapsing entirely but they just keep rebuilding those sections while adding more and more rooms to compensate for the parts that have already sunk rather than just admit defeat and fix the fricking foundation.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      The main issue is the first 20 minutes. It just unloads exposition on you and doesn’t give you any time to take it in. No attempts are made to properly set anything up, or make you care about any of the characters, or make you curious about what is really going on. By the time they land on Naboo, most people won’t have a fricking clue what is going on not will they give a shit either. The film just utterly fails to hook you in.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      OP is simply trolling, you seem sincere though, so my condolences to your parents.

  23. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    idk that $15 million last weekend says otherwise

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >it selled a lot so it's good

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        hey just saying it tells you something about modern cinema if a 25 year old movie beats out any other slop thats come out.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          No, it's just nostalgia. People want to watch the same shit they've seen when they were kids.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            No, you salty b***h. People went to see the movie because it is good. Dismissing it as nostalgia is absolutely dishonest and ignorant. Stay seething, sequelgay.

            • 4 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              Sequels being bad does not make the prequels good

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >it selled a lot so it's good
        YES

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      its just marketing for the acolyte show

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        holy shit you just reminded me that there was a thing before the film saying to stay after to see a trailer
        kek I was wondering why they didn't turn on the lights when the credits started rolling

  24. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    This trilogy is done in such a weird way. It's still better than the Disney so-called trilogy, but that's not saying much. The entire trilogy should've been about the Clone Wars. Meanwhile there's barely any clone wars in the movies. The whole thing happens in some cartoon. Meanwhile Lucas introduces a new secondary villain in every movie and then kills him to make way for another one.

  25. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >getting filtered by star wars
    https://vocaroo.com/1f6KwJrQXjHR

  26. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    The prequels were shit when they were in theaters, they're shit now, and in 20 years they'll be shit.

    The worst thing about the sequels is they're just forgettable, they're nowhere near as good as the original trilogy, but they're not memorably bad like the prequels, they're just mid corporate product.

  27. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >space battles
    >funny and cool droids
    >silly trade federation aliens
    >silly gungans
    >land battles
    >podracing
    >darth maul
    >duel of the fates
    >double-bladed lightsaber
    >the planet core
    >natalie portman
    >jar-jar being funny
    >anakin being relatable
    >c3po reference
    >cool ship and vehicle designs
    >naboo is beautiful
    the only bad part is the midichlorian babble and the politics other than that it's a fantastic sci-fi movie for all ages

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      the prequels are a good example of how to limit callbacks to prevent over saturation like Disney's use
      George wins again

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        lol, c3po built by vader, yoda knowing chewbacca, everything happened in tatooine

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Why did Lucas have Anakin build C-3PO?
          What purpose does that serve but to make their huge universe even smaller?
          It’s not like it was ever mentioned in the original trilogy.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >everything happened in tatooine
          Anakin's homeworld is literally specified as Tatooine in the OT, he has to be from there you dumb frick.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >stormtroopers are clones of Boba Fett's father.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          its incredible how george packed so many bad decisions into a single film. your fan favorite unique character? actually hes identical to every stormtrooper that gets mowed down in the original movies lol get fricked

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          its incredible how george packed so many bad decisions into a single film. your fan favorite unique character? actually hes identical to every stormtrooper that gets mowed down in the original movies lol get fricked

          this was never once stated to be the case. Clone troopers =/= storm troopers, and the fact that Morrison only dubbed over Boba for the special editions proved this way before any EU material came out

  28. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Phantom Menace is the best of the prequels because it's a straightforward fun kids' movie and owns it

  29. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    you're autistic and see the world through binary switches and levers, we get it.

  30. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >chancellor valium

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Imagine the excitement everytime he speaks in the senate.

  31. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Every critique of Episode I conveniently leaves out the fact that Palpatine was playing nearly everyone against each other. Every rational plot point you can come up with simply wouldn't have happened in the first place.

  32. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >have 200k+ subs and great content and editing skills
    >make post saying you're going through something and stop posting for over a year
    Did these people get jobs or lose their minds or what the frick? That's a career

  33. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    A major reason the senate not taking decisive action against a violent blockade of a minor planet seemed unrealistic is because America in 1999 wasn't a failed state yet. Now the government lets blm burn entire cities to the ground and suddenly the prequels make sense.
    If someone was writing a fictional saga about our time people would see the governments reaction to black crime as a plot hole

  34. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I can't believe that nobody brought this israelite looking guy up in this thread. I remember this was peak story fixing like 12 years ago lol. It still holds up ok.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I liked him in american pie

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      sounds breddy cool

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Looks like another literal who lecturing actual movie makers from his bedroom to an audience of mooing morons.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      As a nerd, these series are actually really good:

  35. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    My main issue with the movie is that it’s basically just two hours of exposition dialogue occasionally interrupted by action scenes or cringe comedy. Every fricking scene is just Qui-Gon standing there yapping some bullshit to somebody. The main story just gets lost in all the detours and unecessary details of it all.

  36. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >people still write video essays and create discussions about this literal fricking cartoon of a shitshow for kids

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      kids media that "talks up" to kids always ensnares tons of kids.

  37. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    It’s a toy commercial
    Don’t think about it too hard

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >video game commerical
      ftfy

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Lucas only made the prequels because he gained full control over the toy rights

  38. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Episode I is where Baby Yoda became master Yoda right?

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Yeah then he becomes Darth Vader and has a son called Luke who dies in childbirth

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Thank you Bob Iger

  39. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous
    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      This is the dumbest shit I've ever seen lol if that's true then how did he speak to Obiwan?

  40. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Yeah but Darth Maul looks badass bro

  41. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Jedi get stranded on Tatooine
    >Can't contact Naboo for help because they might be compromised
    >Instead of contacting Coruscant for help they get embroiled in local slave trade, extortion, and gambling
    ???

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      remember that Qui Gon basically goes rogue too, while he could theoretically just Jedi mind trick (or even just convince) Anakin to get the part he needs and be gone before Watto even knows it. Sure, Jabba might get involved but Watto didn't even believe that QGJ was a Jedi, so he's basically just another outlander.
      Instead, he gets fixated on saving Anakin because he's convinced he's the Chosen One.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >he could theoretically just Jedi mind trick (or even just convince) Anakin to get the part he needs
        Whut? Are you saying he would just STEAL the part? Or have Anakin steal it for him? You fricking moron.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Don't forget the slaves have an implanted bomb that will detonate if they leave their electric fence.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >the slaves have an implanted bomb
            Was this actually mentioned in the film or did you have to buy the merchandise to have this explained? I forget.

            • 4 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              Anakin literally says it to Qigon at the house and the mother confirms it.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                how wood

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Okay. As I said, I forgot, I'm not memorizing that shit film bro. And I'm not paying to watch it again in the theater.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                [...]

                lmao that never happens and it is shown that Anakin roams around and scavenges on his own

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Don't forget the slaves have an implanted bomb that will detonate if they leave their electric fence.

                lmao that never happens and it is shown that Anakin roams around and scavenges on his own

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >Are you saying he would just STEAL the part?
          Hmmmmm...
          >be me, a wise Jedi Master
          >I need a certain spaceship part to save a bunch of people and potentially alert the Republic I serve about shady shit
          >literal slave owner alien refuses to exchange it for my money
          >try to trick him with my awesome powers but it just so happens they don't work on this particular alien
          >should I just steal the part and be done with it? maybe uplift the kid to since slavery is le bad okay?
          >or should I let this little kid enter a fricking death race where he might get killed horribly?
          wow what a tough choice

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        The Chosen One shit was the worst thing Lucas added to the story. Anakin should have just been a normal person that was exceptionally good due to his autism.

  42. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Why did it have to be about trade, could’ve been a succession crisis the tradies began with palps. and baby anakin? If he was aotc age and the movie was about him finding his prowess in waging war it would’ve been fixed

  43. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    The jedi were obviously sent to threaten or even kill Gunray to end the blockade quickly, the main question is whether Valorum made the decision or if Mace Windu bullied him into authorizing it. The reason I believe it's the latter is because after the Gunray assassination fails, the jedi escort the queen to Coruscant which escalates the conflict and undermines Valorum's leadership, so I doubt Valorum would've instructed them to do that. In fact, it should be assumed that Sheev was involved in it because he's Naboo's senator and could reasonably request evacuating the queen to Coruscant. After all, the point was to create a vote against Valorum and the easiest way to do that is for Sheev to blockade his own planet because he knows the politics and the likely outcome as he has the queen's trust.

  44. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Remember when Lucas was going to do Darth Jar-Jar in the second movie, but he dropped it because of fan backlash and had to create “Count Dooku”, i.e. “Count shit”?
    Lmfao

  45. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    but hey at least we got gungans and le podrace : )

  46. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    That's exactly why the Republic was failing. The entire point of the Naboo invasion was so that the galaxy could see that it was paralysed by bureaucratic nonsense and unable to respond to crises. This gave Palpatine the inroads he needed to be elected Chancellor (thanks to the sympathy vote) and to start 'streamlining' the Republic's systems via accruing power to himself.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      But it wasn't paralyzed. It had responded immediately as demonstrated in the opening of the film. It just simply didn't make sense that everyone seemed to forget about the destroyed Jedi ship, not take the Jedi's word as complete fact, not allow the Jedi to use their powers to express the truth, and decide they need a new expedition for some reason

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >everyone seemed to forget about the destroyed Jedi ship
        Did you watch the movie?
        >Amidala pleads her case
        >Valorum already knows the situation so he's about to respond positively
        >Trade Federation ambassadors start whispering in his ear
        >'we'll have to send someone out there'
        It's not clear whether it's just bureaucracy of "let's try to avoid getting involved in this conflict because there are serious repercussions" or just plain old corruption or coercion from the Trade Federation, but either way his hand was behind his back

  47. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Episode I is the most embarrassing movie ever released. I'd list all the reasons why, but it wouldn't fit in this post.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      You are incapable of arguing against the prequels on an intellectual level: you are too brain damaged to manage it, so you try to imply you have any sort of capacity and hope for dear life anyone buys your bs

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      That's Episode II.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Clones is much worse

  48. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I always enjoyed the movie as a kid, but even then I could tell that something was off and it didnt feel or run as smooth as a good movie should

  49. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Zoomer, you were ass-ravaged last thread by prequelCHADS

    Let it go. Prequels stand on their own and have literally never been defeated.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >Prequels stand on their own and have literally never been defeated.
      Is this why George Lucas sold the franchise?

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Because he's earned being old and rich, why bother being an oldfrick trying to further squeeze juice out of the masterpiece made with the creativity of youth?

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      What movie is this from?

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Full Metal Jacket, the 2nd best 'Nam movie after Apoc Now

  50. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Cinemaphile has always been a prequel board.
    Prequels now.
    Prequels yesterday.
    Prequels tommorrow.
    Prequels forever.

    Preqshallah

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      you know posts like that utterly reek of desperation, right?

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >Seething sequelgay

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >[desperation intensifies]

  51. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >walking into obvious trap
    >Obi-Wan: I sense danger...
    >qui-Gon: really? Lol I don't sense anything. Stop thinking about 10 minutes into the future and focus on this ship ride.

    Was Qui gon a good Jedi?

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      He was a good friend

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      He was sensing Anakin's future, Qui-Gon was telling him to focus on the present situation

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      he and alec guiness were the most plausible of all jedis. all the others seem like jokes.

      I mean aesthetically, demeanor and presence, etc

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        true

  52. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    The wooden acting and poor dialogue is what holds Ep1 back. The plot and action are all fine. Reshoot the dialogue and it would become excellent.

    RedLetterMedia had solid critiques, and lots of other movies have the same faults. Ep1 is just egregious with wasting your time with bad dialogue.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Plot is absolutely not fine
      Even the biggest prequel partisan has to grant that everything on tattoine is completely insane

  53. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    halfass script that needed several revisions, didn't happen because george is lazy and surrounded by yes-men
    still the best prequel

  54. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    anyone else find it weird that Padme turns into a completely different person between Phantom Menace and Revenge of the Sith?
    In Episode I she's like a bossy teenage queen/military official leading the assault on Naboo castle but by the the time of Revenge of the Sith she's stay-at-home pregnant girl

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      She was the tick-tock influencer voted Queen of the planet naboo when they had literally no problems. Then the planet gets invaded and she doesn't get reelected. She was always out of her depth.

  55. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    SOMEONE POST THE SPEEDFORCE.WEBM
    YOU KNOW THAT ONE

  56. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    i fricked what's her name in the ass a few days ago.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Brian

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        fricking kek
        greatest Cinemaphile thread of all time

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I don't get it

  57. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    What exactly is the Trade Federation anyway, and why do they have a monopoly on trade in the Galactic Republic when we see ships freely traveling from planet to planet constantly? Why are they blockading Naboo with a massive navy? And how does this benefit Palpatine's greater plan in anyway?

    It's like Lucas wanted to rip off the Guild of Navigators from Dune and combine them with the East India Company but had no idea how to fit them into his Anakin origin story.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      They are a trucking/shipping company like Maersk. They are extremely fricking successful and are using their floating battleship cargo vessels to do a little blockade as construction companies and so on often do to force an issue to be resolved on their terms.

      Given what we see from the economic side of the galaxy, it appears to be a centralized bureaucracy and trade-focused republic, where the smart thing to do for individual planets is to focus on selling a few resources at a profit.

      Naboo itself is a mining colony and sells blue plasma at a massive profit (probably). When the feds blockade the planet, this is a big deal because it throws a wrench into the whole free trade deal. But the republic was already tearing at its own foundation by levying new taxes to support its growing, corrupt bureaucratic state. Increased fees, taxes and worsening services are a trade mark "ailing regime" symptom. And this is exactly what happened.

      Palpatine's plan is as it always was, just to use the dysfunction of the republic and its various institutions to create the perfect situation for a jedi purge and a total political takeover.
      To do this, he nudges the conflict ever closer to all out war, uses the strategy of tension, outrage and scandal, internal divides and back room deals to manufacture more conflict.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        nta, but it must be mentioned that Palpatine's entire plan was relatively fool proof, he manouvered himself in pretty much every junction in a way that even if X or Y side loses, he himself wins.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Look at past history of England, Netherlands, Venice, Genoa etc. with their focus on naval trade leading them to have disproportionate naval power that they can use to turn the screws on rivals

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        What exactly is the Trade Federation anyway, and why do they have a monopoly on trade in the Galactic Republic when we see ships freely traveling from planet to planet constantly? Why are they blockading Naboo with a massive navy? And how does this benefit Palpatine's greater plan in anyway?

        It's like Lucas wanted to rip off the Guild of Navigators from Dune and combine them with the East India Company but had no idea how to fit them into his Anakin origin story.

        Or even more specifically: trade leagues, such as the Hanseatic League

  58. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >The clone army only numbered around 2 million soldiers

    Lucas is so insanely brain dead

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      His "galaxy" is very tiny. That's always been the crux of star wars' problems and why they've always struggled to make new stories and default to just bringing back old enemies.

  59. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    only watched this as a kid but i NEVER fricking understood any of the plot back then, wtf is this movie about?

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      the force is in ur dna nnn sheeeeiiit

  60. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    OP u r bad at watching movies
    >he doesn't believe her
    ????
    >Valorum asks if he can send some guys to check it out to prove it
    Yeah, after the special interests whisper in his ear.

    Why is almost every prequel nitpick just... made up?

  61. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >TRADE FEDERATION tries to murder diplomats instead of simply throwing money around to do standard diplomacy like any sensible merchants guild would
    literally why

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Sheev tells them to. Next!

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        why is a merchant guild taking orders, contrary to their business interests, from some cloaked edgelord?

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I'm not going to retype the entire script of The Phantom Menace for you, but the script is online and answers all of your questions.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            it makes no sense for a merchant guild to allow itself to become the armed enforcers of some edgy political extremist. merchants don't fight wars; they sell weapons to the people who fight wars. if Lucas had any sense then he'd have had the trade federation selling weapons to both the republic and to the sith, at the same time.

            • 4 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              My last post 2 u: reed script and b happy.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                script explains nothing

            • 4 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              That's why the Battle Droids are so useless, they weren't designed for war, they're basically the company's Rent-A-Cops.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                so then why are they fighting a war???

            • 4 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              Lucas thought the Trade Federation was meant to by an analogy for stuff like the East Asia Trade Company

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Prequel haters don't know that the Venetians had one of the largest navies in the world in the Middle Ages. The East India Company at its height had a bigger army than the English. Merchants have always been militarily powerful.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          The Force

  62. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I have finally deciphered the Qui-Gon Watto bet

    Bet 1 - entering the race
    Initially the plan was that Qui-Gon pay the entry fee and supplies the pod, Watto agrees to let Anakin in the race, and they split the winnings 50-50. However they ultimately change it:
    Watto offers to pay the entry fee
    Qui-Gon offers the pod (which technically isn’t his, it’s Anakin’s, which would technically make it Watto’s so I guess that’s fraud)
    If Anakin loses, Watto gets Qui-Gon’s ship as collateral to make up for the entry fee
    If Anakin wins Watto keeps all the prize money, Qui-Gon gets the part from Watto for free

    Bet 2 - Watto makes an off-screen bet where he bets everything on Sebulba, in addition to the entry fee he paid in bet 1. If Sebulba wins, Sebulba gets the prize money but Watto gets the winnings from his bet + Qui-Gon’s ship

    Bet 3 - Watto tells Qui-Gon that he bet on Sebulba so Qui-Gon offers another bet:
    If Anakin wins, Watto frees Shmi and Anakin
    If Anakin loses, Watto gets to keep the pod on top of Qui-Gon’s ship (again, the pod technically isn’t his)

    Watto doesn’t think a pod is worth two slaves. So Qui-Gon asks just for Anakin. Watto is indecisive and makes a decision based on a chance cube - if it lands on blue he’ll agree on offering Anakin, if red he’ll agree on Shmi

    Qui-Gon uses the force so it lands on blue and Watto reluctantly agrees. This whole scene is weird though, if Watto genuinely didn’t want to bet Anakin, he could’ve just refused the bet so I don’t get why he even did this at all

    Presumably, if both Sebulba and Anakin lost, then Watto would get the ship and the pod but lose all his money on the bet while Qui-Gon loses everything

    In the end, Anakin wins. Which would mean Watto loses all the money from the bet, Anakin, and the part. However I guess he still kept the prize money

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      my c**t just malfunctioned

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Watto 100% had a rigged change cube. You don't bet with a sneaky israelite like that and let him use his own coin AND let him call it as well. Qui-Gon wasn't having any of that bullshit that's why he used the Force.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Even if it wasn't rigged, screwing over a israelite slave owner is based.

  63. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Given the choice of watching any PT movie, I would choose TPM. Despite all its glaring flaws, it's got the most soul, it's optimistic and unaffected by fan backlash. I'd love to see the purported 6 hour.

  64. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Where was Yeed?
    Why didn't he stop Darth Maul and Sheev? Was he allied with them?

  65. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Will Disney let George edit Episode II now? It'll probably sell more tickets if they add a bunch of new scenes, but I'm not sure what it would even require.

  66. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    And yet you streamed it. Curious!

  67. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    You know the worst part of the sequels and the prequels? It made me sympathize with the empire more than the rebels or the resistance or the jedi. Think about it:

    >episode 1-3
    >Jedi are corrupt buttholes who basically enforce their will on everyone, and will do anything possible to keep their power, and are so blind to a sith lord being in their presence, that one sith can stop all of them from using the force, and not a single one of them can figure out his plan, and they never once question any of his suspicious judgement calls, like a clone army conveniently ready to use just in time for a war
    >the sequels showcase that the "good guys" were incompetent morons who refused to prepare for a war against the imperial remnants, and had no proper military doctrine, and would even order people to their deaths without even giving them an assurance of a plan (Holdo)

    I'm supposed to cheer on a republic that failed multiple times over due to complete lapses in logic.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >I'm supposed to cheer on a republic that failed multiple times over due to complete lapses in logic
      OT happened, PT is sloppy fan fiction, and the ST was a fever dream that doesn't really exist.

  68. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Still better than anything ever since.
    Darth jarjar binks would have been the biggest kino reveal in movie history but the fat bastard chickened out all because of the opinions of manchildren star wars boomers.

  69. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Current releases of Ep1 fixes the Valorum issue. When they make it to Coruscant, they tell him everything.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Doesn't it fix the jarjar binks issue? No.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >Current releases
      prequels get a special edition now?

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        It's been in theater for over a week now to commemorate the 25th annivervinna

  70. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I don't like the prequels, but this is more or less explained. The bureaucrats are being paid by the Trade Federation to filibuster anything the chancellor does. Honestly, the dumbest thing was the Trade Federation trying to kill the Jedi in the first place because their findings wouldn't have made any difference.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I think Palp just wanted to waste a couple Jedi frfr.
      Not like he couldn't have waved the legal consequences away, after all Gunray still survived 4 trials even after attempted Jedi gassing.

  71. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    the same morons getting triggered by this post and plugging their ears probably think they're above marvel movies too. this board needs to be cleansed of zoomer filth

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >triggered
      The guy simply gets the facts wrong.
      If I say that Batman killed Bane in TDKR and you correct me, are you triggered?

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        its not wrong though, you really are just offended because someone's insulting your favorite childhood movie and are inventing a narrative where it's flawless and perfect

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >its not wrong though
          It is, and multiple people upthread have already clarified the specifics. You are trolling. Just relax.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >You are trolling. Just relax.
            exactly my point lol. you people literally cannot entertain criticism of the prequels so you develop this paranoid schizophrenic persecution complex where any kind of dissent has to be from someone who's out to get you. any kind of bad writing gets covered up by some delusional headcanon that you invent so you don't have to confront any of it's shortcomings

            • 4 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              My man, see

              OP u r bad at watching movies
              >he doesn't believe her
              ????
              >Valorum asks if he can send some guys to check it out to prove it
              Yeah, after the special interests whisper in his ear.

              Why is almost every prequel nitpick just... made up?

              The guy just didn't pay attention.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                doesn't address why the jedi he sent to investigate suddenly do not feel the need to corroborate that the invasion is happening

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                And there go the goalposts. You claimed I was a schizo, and you now admit that OP failed at watching the movie. I'm out.

                P.S.
                There is an answer to your question in the film. It's located in the opening crawl.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                you are a schizo, as evidenced by this post. no goalpost has been moved, this is one of OP's claims and you are once again shirking from addressing it because you literally cannot refute it, so you're backpedaling like a b***h and running away.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                huh?

            • 4 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              I don't think it's not being able to entertain criticism to say OP's criticisms are just recapping the movie and Valorum being wishy washy about doing anything is exactly what Palpatine was planning for so he could get elected Chancellor.

  72. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Yeedgang rise up

  73. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Your points seem like you are either moronic or are deliberately misrepresenting the plot.

  74. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    More political context would have helped, especially within the Jedi Order. Insufficient Maul/Sidious set up. Anakin ought've been significantly older, like 9-12 -- the age jump was jarring and age gap with Padme excessively sus.

  75. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Imagine Alex Jones being one of the people that understands the prequels.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      His lives his entire life as a fantasy universe so it's no wonder he easily understands another fantasy universe.

  76. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    This moron couldn't have just used r2 to send a report before going to Tatooine?

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      R2 wasn't a Jedi droid at that point and in your pic Obi Wan tells the droid to send it "care of the old folks home" which I assume is some secret line of communication the Jedi have. Very possible that R2 did not have access to that in Episode 1.

  77. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >sequels failed spectacularly
    >people begging for lucas to make star wars again
    >hayden, ewan, natalie, etc. are all looked upon fondly
    you actually, unironically lost
    get over it

  78. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Yeed Yeed Yeed Yeed Yeed

  79. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >While the congress of the Republic endlessly debates this alarming chain of events, the Supreme Chancellor has secretly dispatched two Jedi Knights, the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy, to settle the conflict....
    The Jedi were not sanctioned to be there. All of their evidence was destroyed by the Trade Federation. You guys could just watch the movie.

  80. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    How did Kamino house the quarters, training grounds, weapons, armor, and vehicles for an entire clone army on a planet with very very limited space for building?

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >on a planet with very very limited space for building?
      They don't build on land though, they build on the ocean (and also probably under the ocean in some cases since we see the one Kaminoan going underwater on his mount).

  81. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >movie forgets the original goal was for the Jedi to urgently report what they saw to Valorum

    I think Qui-Gon discovering Anakin, a much more powerful force user than Yoda, immediately changed the whole mission. Training Anakin became much more important than all the Naboo politics with the Trade Federation.
    Anakin was the Jedi prophecy becoming true.

  82. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Heroes on both sides

    What did Lucas mean by this?

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