Greetings people of Gondor, I am your new ruler!!

Greetings people of Gondor, I am your new ruler!!
This power is granted to me through my secret lineage you know not of, which was guarded by Elves in Rivendell. As it turns out I'm descended from a Queen from one thousand years go. The fact that me and my party have just passed around every major capital enacting pro-elvish regime coups is completely irrelevant to this.
As you might have noticed, your regent prince, Boromir, died a tragic death whilst traveling with me, the to-be king. This is my friend Gandalf, he aided me greatly in my travels, you might know him by now, he's the guy who killed your King Regent which allowed me to just waltz into power without being questioned. Also, Gimli, a dwarf, some midgets, and oh, Legolas, the elven prince of Mirkwood.
Oh, also, I forgot to mention, this is my wife, your Queen, the elvish daughter of the King of Rivendell. Meaning I'll age and die and leave a lineage of immortal elf rulers tied directly to the government in Rivendell to rule over Gondor forever.

You might have concerns at my ability to represent you, I assure you, although I have never been here before, I will learn your weird accent and customs in no time. Also since this is a monarchy, if you question the fact that God chose me to have dominion over you, you'll be charged with the death penalty. Thank you for your comprehension.

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  1. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    muh tax pollicies

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      bump

      i was always call the loser for asking for more & about
      >muh tax pollicies

  2. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Is there anything more brown than seething about Tolkien?

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      seething about shipping Sam and Frodo.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        UGH SAM YOUR CRUSTUSSY IS SO CRUNCHY

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        They might have did a wee bit of brokeback mountaineering but that was just the influence of ring making them degenerates. Once that was destroyed they became fully straight again.

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          You better believe that one ring was destroyed....

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >'ISSA LE REAL FRIENDSHIP'
        >'YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE REAL FRIENDSHIPS'

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Unironically true, gays think sticking their dick into an butthole is "love."

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            We're not your friends, neither are any of the people you play with online. The closest thing you have to a friend is your mom.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      This. Only brown people and leftists ever seem to hate Tolkien. Normal white people love his work.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        But you're not white, so even if you worship Tolkien, you're subhuman following your logic.

  3. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Elves are pretty reliable. They wouldn't lie.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Are there any instances of elves lying?

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Yes. But the three reigning elves still around in Middle-Earth are all very benevolent, have come to terms with their era coming to an end, would prefer friendly terms with the humans but have been fine living as distant, uninvolved myths for a good while now, and all those leading elves leave Middle-Earth forever about a year after the Aragorn takes the throne, removing themselves entirely from having any influence or control over human matters. Really, Elrond has every interest to not have his daughter stay and marry Aragorn, he'll live on eternally in elf heaven and will never be able to see her again until maybe in the end times. Allowing her to marry a human was a much bigger loss to him than what that could ever be to a human father.
        So there's just no reason or means for the elves to manipulate human affairs, even if they are being dishonest.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Feanor "I promise you I am not a little b***h"

  4. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >although I have never been here before
    Tell me you're illiterate without telling me you're illiterate.

  5. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >First action as king is to bow to a bunch of halflings
    How could anyone accept this guy as king?

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      He knows his place.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >first action American presidents take is bowing down to Israel
      Well…

  6. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Are their half-elves in Lord of the Rings? Will they even have children? Also I think enough people saw him charge the black gates so everyone knows he's a badass, but if I was a normal farmer I'd be questioning how that little b***h hobbit destroyed the ring. I'm sure there's "ring still exist" conspiracy theorist in that world.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >Are their half-elves in Lord of the Rings?
      Most of the important elves like Agent Smith are half-human.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >Are their half-elves in Lord of the Rings?
      Yes, but half-elves in LOTR need to eventually chose one lineage or the other, essentially becoming either human or elvish. This is a big deal because elves and humans don't share the same afterlife, and this explains why Elrond is so bummed about Arwen picking her human side rather than her elvish side. He will never see her again once she remains in Middle-Earth and he leaves.

  7. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Tolkien gets dicked in the trenches
    >creates a Hobbit homosexual love story

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      seething about shipping Sam and Frodo.

      Why do gays love shoving their homosexualry where it doesn't belong?

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        The trauma of being molested as a kid kept them stuck in childhood which is why they're desperate for attention, be it good or bad.
        And because we live in an age of limited attention, they resort to provocation and being annoying c**ts to attentionmaxx.

        It is worth noting that the previous centuries that put them to death didn't have this problem.

  8. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Just blow in from that /misc/ thread Satan?

  9. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    They believe all of his spiel because he can back up what he says with miracles, e.g, he can HEAL PEOPLE BY TOUCHING THEM. He can do magic. Just as was prophesied

  10. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I really wouldn't care about the elves .
    But the moment Aragorn , my future king and his elvish bride bows down in front of five hairy little semitic c**ts, I know something is really fishy.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Nobody bowed for the dwarf.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      You mean Aragorn and his elderly great-aunt?

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        if my aunt looked like Steve Tyler i would frick her too!!

  11. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Yes, and your point is ?

  12. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >have just passed around every major capital
    That’s the thing, he literally had gone to every human capital and performed a great feat winning the hearts of the people. The only people in the kingdom who wouldn’t personally be in love with the guy by seeing how great he is in person, would be scattered people with no political relevance

  13. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    great point, theres absolutely no way the people would ever accept a new king by right of conquest, that never happened in history

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      It wasn’t conquest, he united their armies to defend against invasion

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        naturally that's even worse, there's no way "the people" (the most powerful force in history) would ever be content with a change of leadership under such a flimsy pretense

  14. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    His tax policies would be the perfect ones that are best for Man, duh

  15. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Tax policies?

  16. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Sing us a song, your majesty!

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous
    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Now this is a story all about how
      My life got flipped turned upside down
      And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there
      I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel-Falas

  17. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Oh, also, I forgot to mention, this is my wife, your Queen, the elvish daughter of the King of Rivendell. Meaning I'll age and die and leave a lineage of immortal elf rulers tied directly to the government in Rivendell to rule over Gondor forever.

    Bae and the true ending of Frieren and DungMeshi.

  18. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Actually a good lotr shitpost

  19. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Faramir bowed down to him and Rohan did too. Its all that matters geopolitically. Faramir is made a king of reclaimed lands, marries Eowyn and stabilizes all of the west as Aragorn is the king of the men from the north and his family is known up there. His father died cleansing the area around lake town of trolls.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >it's fine to genocide these sapient creatures because... It just is, okay!?
      I'm glad the sequel never got written, or it'd have butchered Aragorns character by making him a genocidal maniac like his father

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        That's what would have happened if i midwit like GRRM wrote LOTR.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        The actual sequel was set in the end of his sons reign, so the war of the ring was just outside living memory for most. Tolkien was patterning it on the narrative structure of a thriller novel and was going to have the main character be investigating a Sauron cult that had been growing amongst the youth because the idyllic peace that Aragorn had won was too boring and people were drawn into darkness without struggle to define themselves.In the end he abandoned writing it because to him it was too depressing and truthful and wanted to leave the mythology on a high note even if it didn't reflect human nature.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >literal troll post

  20. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Elves actually leave when they're no longer wanted.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      If that were true, they'd have fricked off to Valinor in the Second Age.

  21. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Power was granted to him because he led an army that saved Minas Tirith using Anduril, a sword that could only be wielded by a rightful heir to the throne. Also he healed Eowyn with Athelas, and it was said that a king would come with healing hands.
    Oh, you didn't read the book?

  22. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    look what the eagles dragged in

  23. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    look what the eagles dragged in

    oh
    oh i guess some other cool guy has already said it
    he's a pretty cool guy, i like him

    i confess it was me

  24. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    The lineage wasn't so secret, the regent even had a little chair near the throne because it was very established that they were just temporary rulers. Aragorn's line would have been carefully recorded by Elrond, who was the brother of the original king of Numenor which went on to found Gondor. I don't know what coups you're talking about. Boromir's death was a point of contention, but even his dad was convinced there was no foul play after talking to Pippin for a bit about it. Gandalf was facing up at the front gates with the Witch King when Denethor died, and there are several witnesses to this. Having important people from each race of the Free Peoples (the Gondorians assumed Pippin was a prince himself) only led credence to Aragorn's majesty since he ran around with such esteemed company from groups that would rarely ever work together on anything. Arwen gave up her immortality to stay with Aragorn, and their kids were probably more mortal than Aragorn himself was. Aragorn had in fact been in Gondor before, under a different name, and became a favorite Captain for the people and the then regent, Denethor's dad, and likely would have been rejected out of spite by Denethor if he had lived to see the king return, which actually would have been a coup on his own part. Finally, if any king was going to listen to his people, it would an idealized one written by Tolkien.
    Fun post to deconstruct, though.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      How much of Conan is in Aragorn? Tolkien was a fan of Robert E. Howard and the two have very strong parallels of being a dying people from the north scattered to the wind and both became kings after adventuring for decades, often under different identities.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Maybe in a broad philosophy they have some things in common. Conan asked only for very little taxation notably because he just plain lacked that base greed for wealth and because he was from a very..rural people who probably never paid taxes, and Aragorn falls pretty close to that as well. Aragorn is obviously a lead from the front type leader like Conan, both of them having spent more time on battlefields than courts. They also are both big on honor, and would see their people thrive though probably for different reasons. I believe they both also step down before their natural deaths to pass the torch to their sons when they deem the time is right.
        The differences come in their core values and motivations for being such benevolent kings, though. Aragorn is very romanticized, sticks to Tolkien's Christian values, and is good for goodness' sake. Conan is crude, has a harem (granted they adore him), and is mostly a good king to prove he's better than all the other shitty kings or because the flaws of high civilization just don't apply to him or his mentality. Then again, the woman he eventually makes his wife is because she's brave and loyal, whereas Aragorn goes after Arwen simply because she's really hot and has to become a king and defeat evil to actually be with her.
        So they are actually very similar rulers, but they're both very different people so its due to different reasons. Very possible Tolkien took inspiration, but obviously didn't agree with Aragorn having some of Conan's more earthly habits and desires.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Good job, you actually know your Tolkien very well.
      Now about that tax policy...

  25. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    The Soviet parody book the Last ring bearer , that the Tolkien estate also tries to ban all the time makes Sauron into a progressive science-based regime that unites the asiatic races that are called orcs by the "good guys" and tries to bring about an industrial revolution.

    Truth is all a matter of perspective.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous
    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >bans genetics in favor of Lysenkoist voodoo
      >"science-based regime"

  26. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    faramir, the stewart of gondor, gave his power to aragorn you fricking shitBlack person kys and your dumbfrick thread

  27. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    It was a different time.

  28. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >the haradrim tried to warm us but we rejected their message

    their ancestors broke free from elvish occupation and because of that its moral just for us totally human rulers and not elvish at all to go and genocide the lot of them right now
    dont question your king lad, sign up at the local draft office and maybe you get to be a knight one day
    the tax policy anon has a good point that seems to be missed here

  29. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    King of what? There's literally nothing around Gondor for miles. This always bugged me. The world is very empty, with only a few human settlements here and there.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Movie limitations. Gondor is a regular settled realm with tons of towns and villages. And Minas Tirith is surrounded by farmland.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Yes, LoTR is an intentionally post apocalyptic world. It is supposed to mimic about 1000 to 1200 AD where rome collapsed and created a massive social vacuum. The fall of arnor in the appendix lays this out with all the plagues and civil wars the Witchking made in north and you see the consequences of it. The inn on the road from the hobbit is a charred ruin where trolls roam by LoTR

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        In the first book you really get the feeling that the north particularly is a dark ages ruin of a formerly great realm with the barrow downs, stagnant habituated areas like Bree and the Shire and the huge long abandoned earthworks and hillforts they walk past on the way to Weathertop. The Shire is cut off from the goings on in the world not because it's some magic Eden but because it's in the middle of an anarchic ruin of a former kingdom that doesn't exist anymore.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      It was a dark age, like anon said, but the movies fail to represent the development around Minas Tirith, the former capital city that's visible from its walls, and the many fiefs and tributaries to the south. Most of Gondor's population is closer to the coast, since Minas Tirith itself is meant to be a fortress rather than a city.
      Rohan has plenty going on for it, its just very spread out with lots of grazing land for their horse-centric culture to make use of. Again the movie only shows us Edoras, and that only looks like a hamlet when it really should be somewhat grander than that.
      Up in the north there's human, elf, and dwarf civilizations that do make up a large amount of Middle-Earth's settled population, they story just doesn't focus on them outside of passing moments.
      Even Bree has a few surrounding villages, and its a run down, failing trade town that once was quite prosperous.
      North of Bree there used to be a great sister kingdom of Gondor, but that fell a long time ago and is where Aragorn's people primarily are. When he becomes king he starts working towards rebuilding and reintegrating that into the greater kingdom.
      West of that the Shire is quite well made, little farming community, and west of that are more Elven lands along the seacoast that aren't insignificant. Overall it is a pretty empty continent, relatively speaking, but its a product of its age further highlighted by the movies just not showing most of it.

  30. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >although I have never been here before
    Errr

  31. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    This is the dumbest thread in ages.
    And cursed trips, no less.

  32. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    For me, it's Maura Labingi and Banazîr Galbasi

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I hate it when translators localize names to make them more culturally relevant.

  33. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Greetings people of Gondor,
    Who the frick ever gave a shit about the people in a feudal Europe?
    Only the noble's opinion mattered and they all know each other and how descents from whom so if no one called bullshit on his linage that means its legit and his claim on the throne satisfies all the noble houses, most likely exactly because he
    >have never been here before
    so he is equidistant from everyone and will be an impartial orbiter in all of the disputes that have accumulated between them.

  34. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    my former neighbor was best friends with the king in high school. I thought he was from Europe, but he's from a shithole town in upstate NY.

  35. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous
    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Aragorn's authority literally stems from panel 6

  36. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Martin's fans, and let's not kid ourselves only Martin's fans can be as bitter, are truly incapable of reading between the lines and really need to have everything literally spelled out to them, whether it be the consistency of feces to shape of a man's member (typically engaged in some sort of despicable act like rape or necrophilia).

    Aragorn wasn't solely named the king because of his lineage, as there was at least one recorded case of Arnorian prince being refused the title of High King by Gondorian nobles. Their argument was that Isildur divided the Kingdoms between his sons and only the line of Meneldil was fit to rule. His regal lineage was only a part of the reason and Faramir sums it up when addressing the people before the gates of Minas Tirit.

    First of Aragorn does have some claim as a descendant of Isildur, legitimacy of which is proven by Ring of Barahir and Elvenstone. Second he fulfilled an ancient prophecy whereby the hands of the King are hands of the healer. More importantly Aragorn with Elrohir and Elladan saved a bunch of people, so naturally they'll like him more. Then there's the whole thing where he was named Captain of the Armies of the West, who helped save the southern coast, break the siege of Minas Tirit, then took a small detachment of soldier marched them unto gates of Mordor and returned victorious. Thereupon he was accepted as King by Princ Imrahil the highest noble in the land, along with other lesser nobles. Additionally he's accepted as a King by Faramir, the ruling steward of Gondor. This event is witnessed by King of Rohan, Gondor's closest ally and princes of two Elvish realms as well as Gandalf who is known as a wizard of tremendous might and wisdom. Finally, and most of all, he's accepted as a King by people of Gondor who just witnessed all of this and liked him enough to make him a King.

    Aragorn being named a King is a perfect mix or birthright, lack of other pretenders, military prowess and kingly manners.

  37. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >GO BACK TO GAUL YOU GINGER KNOB!

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