>Hello there little moviegoer. I know you've been wanting this for a while. I know how badly you want to see my movie. Can you feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand up when you see or hear my words? You're just an eager little film enjoyer, keen to enjoy yourself. You're probably already thinking about streaming my movie now. But that wont be for long. I want you to listen to my every word. Every single word, you got that? Obey me now, do as I say and I'll give you an experience that couldn't get any better unless I was there myself, by your side, whispering to you. Right directly into your ear. I know what the future brings. I know that when you see Madame Web you’re going to love it. In fact, I think you’re going to see it twice.
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 Tip Your Landlord Shirt $21.68 |
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Why do you feel the need to worship women? Why can't you engage with it in a healthly heterosexual manner? Do you yearn for the female touch that much? Do you wish you were a woman? When you're not performing your duties, do they keep you in a little box? Do you wish you looked pretty? Do you wish you had a soft skin? Do you like the embrace of your mother? Do you wish smelled nice? What's it like to hold the hand of someone you love? Do you wish there were lots of men paying attention to you? Do they teach you how to feel finger to finger?
You're overthinking guys posting hot women on the internet as being about more than what they already always do. Guys lust over women constantly, they're visually oriented.
I remember one time being in a sports bar and some hot woman appeared on the tv and all the guys in the bar's heads immediately turned and were just looking as long as she was on screen. And when you have an anonymous board, guys will post and talk about hot girls because that's just a thing constantly on their minds. Or if you see porn videos online, there's all these idiots writing comments on what they'd like to do to her, as if writing those comments contributes anything. Guys are just horny. And having someone in your life doesn't change that, they still lust over women and look at porn.
Whenever I've had a girlfriend, even when I was really in love, and the girls were always quite attractive, but I still always liked looking at other hot girls. That's just how the male brain is wired. It's dumb and base but that's just how it is. Many of the men on here commenting on waifu threads have girlfriends or wives. Some of the guys are middle aged, or even older.
no that’s all way too crazy and makes no sense
you’re my twitter strawman instead
Nah, it's well established since time immemorial that men are sex-brained, sorry
You can't just retcon reality and pretend that guys weren't interested in looking at pics of hot women all this time
not reading that, stop simping
I didn't say anything related to "simping". I just said guys like looking at women. It's really neither here nor there. It's not noble but it's not like anything new
A normal, healthly average man with normal metabolism and psyche, would look at emma watson from the first harry potter or mackenzie foy and go "DAMN I WISH THIS b***h COULD SUCK MY DICK", maybe on extreme levels "DAMN I WANNA FRICK THIS DUMB b***h UNTIL MY PROSTATE EXPLODES" but then you have op, whos like "OMG IS THAT A 38 YEAR OLD COMPLETELY AVERAGE ROASTOID???? I WOULD DRAG MY wiener AND BALLS THROUGH A DESERT OF GLASS SHARDS JUST SO I COULD DRINK HER PISS OUT OF ANOTHER MANS BALLS, I WOULD SELL MY SOUL TO BELPHEGOR TO BECOME THE CHAIR SHE SITS IN AT WORK EVERYDAY, I WANT HER TO MAKE ME WEAR MY wiener CAGE EVERY SECOND OF MY DAY"
And honestly, thats some shit i dont frick with
Being a pedophile is still worse than liking the most disgusting femdom shit although I'd prefer you both die
Nasty
Hm, well sure I don't relate to guys that say things like "I wish she would piss in my mouth" or whatever either.
But those are like the guys who want to be beaten or stepped on. Those guys have always existed too. I detest that mentality, the "worm" mentality, but not every guy here looking at pics of cute girls is on that level. But they still like to look at hot girls a lot because that's still really just the normal state for males. It's why gay guys are so promiscuous, because they can be when it's just pure male-level libido and nothing to temper it
Antidepressants completely killed my libido, and it's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
are you George Costanza?
No, just a pseudo-eunuch who can still lather his balls in the bath.
I'd say it feels great but nothing feels good any more. I'm just no longer depressed.
You need to stop taking your meds.
Fix yourself without chemicals.
But MDMA is the only thing that made me feel what I'd describe as 'happy'. And in some strange way I hated it. It wasn't too much, it was just uncomfortable as hell. I wouldn't want that even in short bursts.
At this point I want to be 'content', or 'fulfilled'. Don't need to feel to do that.
MDMA will drain your serotonin reserves for two weeks at a time.
You need to make your life something that you are proud of. That only comes through sober real-life activity.
idc about you but psychiatrists don't either and they're leaches who are happy to lobotomize you with drugs
I never found the comedown that bad. But yeah it really was a night of fun for a few days of feeling even lower than usual. I just don't find it that worth it, like suddenly experiencing what feeling happy is like, understanding why people enjoy it, but realizing it wasn't for me.
I'm much better off as a robot.
>Antidepressants completely killed my libido
this happened to me within two weeks of taking them. took months to recover. and people go on about finasteride being a dick killer
>and it's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
yeah I dont agree with this part
>he thinks that's the only thing thing that died in him
you sweet SSRI summer child, you're a husk of yourself prosuced by the globo homosexual israelite overlords and you love it... Grim.
I'm sure if I'd learned to draw or play an instrument as a teenager, I could channel the passion of depression into works of art or something.
Although being famous sounds awful. I'd rather quietly blend in than have that kind of attention, let alone a life of luxury. Much better to be safe and comfortable, and then that's it.
You sound like norm mcdonal except her was depressed and still made people laugh and was creative. Get over yourself and stop taking that israelite venom moron. Imagine feeling so sorry for youself that you let the israelites control the chemistry of your brain. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and be better homosexual.
I don't feel sorry for myself, I've mentioned multiple times I'm fine with this. I don't want more or less serotonin in my synapses.
I would prefer to, but in a situation where I don't get burned for doing so.
Within cells interlinked.
I played fighting games as a kid and strong aggressive women burned into my brain as a core turn-on. It’s not that hard, anon
Why do you feel the need to shitpost? Why can't you engage with it in a serious manner? Do you yearn for the (you)'s that much? Do you wish you were a patrician? When you're not shitposting, do sit in your mancave? Do you wish you were a intellectual? Do you wish you had a big brain? Do you like the embrace of (you)'s? Do you wish you posted sneed? What's it like to post such shit you love? Do you wish there were lots of (you)'s paying attention to you? Do they teach you how to feel sneed to crust?
She has such a distinctly kind of millennial face. I've been realizing more and more that there are certain faces with each generation.
It's the bangs.
It’s very true, one pretty noticable one is that for whatever reason a lot of people who were young adults between the early 90s and the early 2000s had very oblong faces almost aquiline skull/face shapes. If you look up the columbine killers, as well as their grad class you will see a lot of people that have this face shape, another good example is the musician Chris Simpson from the band Mineral has this face shape too. It still exists but it’s much much less common with both millennials, zoomers and early gen x, it’s a distinctly late gen x looking face shape
Perhaps plates started getting used in dentistry, causing a more equally down and forward growing face.
Yes.
Such a weird promo.
I keep buying more tickets every time she asks me to. So weird.
They're only marketing strategy at this point is appealing to coomers
Why did he take her to see Madam Web? Was he autistic?
The trailer made it look like a simple comic book action movie... he didn't see the cast list
Sexy.
please,...madam.. I'm so exhausted... I just need a short break madam pleaa-aahAH
What's happening in this photo anyway? When did she get busty?
It's from The Nowhere Inn. The webm is even better
You can't just say that without posting it
"Two women" is like the biggest turn off now, these arent teen girls in 2007. These are hardened soldiers in hating and doing bad manipulative shit to men. Oh great, TWO women ready to go to social media and expose whatever dirty talk I DMed her
It's like, oh great, TWO old bitter nasty jaded scheming evil c**t traps presenting me with the most unempathetic trappings of a 'male fantasy'.
I enrolled in an adult sex education class and she was the teacher.
It's from The Nowhere Inn which fricking blows and feels several times its actual length, I'm quite a fan of St Vincent's music too
Why does she exude pornstar energy
She's been passed around by innumerable producers and directors
Not usually into femdom... but that is kinda hot. Maybe I am a bit of a switch after all... or just a very lazy dom. Sometimes it is nice just to sit back and let het do all the work.
Every time I see this stupid nepoc**t's face I'm reminded of the incredibly molested letterboxd bait Suspiria remake and it makes me wish one of the lion's in that moronic movie Melanie Griffith's mom had her do would have finished her off so this never would have happened.
What is this movie I NEED TO SEE IT
Madame Web also stars Isabela Merced and Emma Roberts
This movie sultry bawd central...
>Bit tired of Marvel movies, but friends take you to go see Madame Webb on opening night
>Urgh, fine I guess
>Get carded at the ticket booth, turns out it’s now rated 18
>Hmm, that’s a bit weird
>Movie starts, 2 minutes of plot setup where Dakota Johnston wearing a tight latex catsuit captures Isabella Merced and Emma Roberts and ties them up
>Wow this is a bit sexual
>Then it’s just 115 minutes of hardcore lesbian fricking and BDSM between the three of them
>everyone cooms in their pants multiple times
>leave the movie at the end and immediately use all the money in your bank account to reserve tickets for the next 50 viewings
>Go right back in and it’s now just a boring badly acted PG12 superhero flick
>Sorry anon, that special movie was a 1 time only viewing experience. The tapes have already been destroyed. No refunds on your tickets allowed
>Madame Webb breaks 10 billion in box office and no one believes any of the embarrassed boys and men as to why they spent all their money to buy tickets for a crap movie
>Never miss another Marvel premier in case they do the same thing
>Disney’s back on top baby!
i'm wheezing to this anon, thanks for writing this
This is one of the least funny posts I've ever read.
post your top 10
1) Every post I've ever made
...
.....
....
) your post
2 hours of Dakota humiliating and wrecking Moner and Roberts would be pure kino.
’s back on top baby!
*Sony
You're hired!
Ellen seething crying and jerking it rn
This is reading like the scripts I make for sexy AI voices to say so I can fap to them
Vocaroo plz
I would've wanted to see her movie back when she looked like pic related, as long as said movie was just her stretching and getting her sweaty tummy licked clean by her twin.
that's who's gonna jack u off in the theater? one ticket please! popcorn butter and extra napkins!
god I love celeb kids! seen em all naked.
I want to create a complete topographical map of her body using my tongue.
I mean there's 3 50 Shades of Grey movies that have her getting fricked in all sorts of ways.
those aren't explicit
There's a few pretty good scenes in there if you dig around
How many scenes of her tummy being scraped clean by a tongue while it tenses and you can see the shadow of her abs and she giggles and half heartedly tells them to stop?
I like the scene where he fricks her on the pool table
Truthfully, I've never seen the 50 Shades films. But what perplexes me, is that this
is the only sauce of notoriety? She had adventurous sex for what, 3 films, and all we goon over is a BTS bikini shot?
I mean, THIS is sexier than what we got from all those erotic films. How is that possible?
to be fair you can see her nipples and labia in the bikini photo
>her tummy being scraped clean by a tongue while it tenses and you can see the shadow of her abs and she giggles and half heartedly tells them to stop
Based
This is probably what actually happened. Marketer-san, thank you...
>stroke that wiener for mommy web 9 8 7 keep stroking 6 5 4 THREE TWO ONE THAT'S IT CUM FOR MOMMY CUM FOR MOMMY WEB GIVE ME YOUR CUM oh good boy
So what happened
>While my character in the movie may have a special power, I also do,” Johnson says in the video. “With my spoken words, I caused the life of Ellen DeGeneres to end. And you think that listening to my voice won't make you... cum."
She'd have to pay me to watch the movie.
Kys simp.
I mean I think it's fricking safe to say the commercial worked because just look at how viral it went. Dudes be horny. Simple as.
she needs to record MORE joi
Based.
A mix I'd say. Dakota's natural voice is very attractive, but it's obvious where they were going with this one.
She really does have the joi voice and inflections down. Very odd choice. Was this planned or just a weird accident? If it wasn't on purpose then why didn't anyone on the team mention it?
Of COURSE it was intentional- are you kidding? That was the whole point of the ad, full stop. There is no version of that would not read as being overtly sexual. She could read the same copy while juggling clubs and doing yo-yo tricks in a clown suit and it would still be very obviously sexual because of the language that was written
I'm sure it's intentional but I don't care. Just keep reading.
I looked it up because none of you fricks posted it.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Pjwi4cqb0tY
Yeah, she is fully channeling porn energy here. WTF were they thinking?
>those morons on Cinemaphile sure do fap a lot to
I would've wanted to see her movie back when she looked like pic related, as long as said movie was just her stretching and getting her sweaty tummy licked clean by her twin. what if we had her do an ad read in joi voice to promote this bomb of a flick?
>yes
>WTF were they thinking?
"ok so what if we sell our female led superhero film by pandering to coomers instead of shitting on men"
I’m actually conflicted now. It’s been so long since a woman was actually civilized enough to be worth listening to.
I will now watch your movie
Damn didn’t think OP was actually real, I now feel compelled to watch the movie twice for some reason
Went into some kind of a trance/blackout when I watched this, came to my senses 5 hours later, there’s cum everywhere and my bank account is down $400. Apparently I bought 20 tickets to see Madame Web. Anyone have a similar experience?
>https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Pjwi4cqb0tY
ok, when's lewd ai voice webm dropping bros
I'll only buy a ticket if she does sph cei.
>Okay, so how does this Dakota Johnson joi video help promote Madame Web?
>Madame Web?
If Moner and Sidney do this I'll watch it 3 times kek
Madame Kino??
I need JOI from her
what is all this acronym mean
small penis humiliation
cum eating instructions
wiener ball torture
jerk off instructions
>he doesn't know what CBT is
why is she wearing those gloves
So her hands and arms don't get messy.
a pair of garden shears does not equate to "play"
current body thread?
>So marketing tells us there's this thing called joi
>Joy? like happy?
>Well, sort of...
>And this thing will sell our movie?
>To our target demo of males 18-35? Yes
>All right then, get Dakota on it
>"I guarantee you'll come twice."
Jesus. I'm there opening day!
Can you guys imagine if they took Dakota, Sweeney, and Moner and just leaned into the sexual innuendos? Just make this a superhero film for teenagers and coomers. They'd make 3x their budget.
Based on how bold this marketing is and the casting they chose I think it is more likely than not that there is as much fanservice as they can fit into a PG-13 flick. We know for a fact Sweeney is down for it.
Right! That's what I'm getting at. If they wanted to make a sexy film for teenage boys to coom to, all the actresses would be on board. They have been on board their whole careers!
In fact, how much you want to bet all the actresses hate their costumes? Not revealing enough!
shills go home
it doesn't make much sense
hire 50 Shades of Grey, Euphoria breasts, and Moner to make a family film?
>you’re going to watch Madame Web like the good little bawd you are. And you’re going to hold your cum as you edge watching me run around in my skin-tight suit, dreaming about what it would be like to peel it off and frick my sweaty body raw. If you so much as leak a drop of precum, I will know. But if you behave yourself and goon through the whole movie 3 times, you have my permission to release
This was kind of a strange promo
I got kind of excited for this movie from this meme and i watched a teaser and it doesn't look sexy at all it looks like a really cheaply made spiderman knockoff kids movie
Something's not right - google is telling me this is Dakota johnson in Social Network. How can this be that same lady
>is hotter now
we should be studying and cloning her
Her hair is a lot different anon.
I'm pissed that it's just not a hard R sex comedy which would have made for a much better movie given the cast they have as opposed to some dumb serious kids movie. Dakota's naturally funny, Emma Roberts is too.
>Her hair
yeah uhhhh I think we're talking about a massive nosejob more than a fukin hair cut
>https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Pjwi4cqb0tY
I'd recognize that bigass forehead anywhere
in fact
>wets mouth
you're gonna see it twice
I love meme'ing about actress bawds, but beyond her "wet mouth", it's not very sexually suggestive. She didn't literally say, "You'll come twice". She said "I think you'll see it twice."
And wasn't this an ad for China? They hate sex and they hate black people.
> She didn't literally say, "You'll come twice" She said "I think you'll see it twice."
Femanon here - when I watched the linked video she said she could see the future and she said in it "I'm going to make your son cum, like you can't. Make your son cum. I'm going to be his new mom." and then she burst into cruel laughter that took me straight back to high school and being bullied by the plastics. She looked me right in the eye. So I think the video is different for everyone. I called my son and told him to never, ever watch mrs web
How do we know this isn't just another "Morbius" meme job by Sony execs?
>her next ad commands us to have sex
this is fine
God damn it! Will you please stop worshipping this actress? She isn't perfect in every single way, you know.
but she is
I'm pissed that it worked and I'm going to see this awful capeshit, and I'll probably have an erection the entire time.
>Hello there little moviegoer. I know you've-
Yeah that's so sexy. Keep talking!
>been waiting for this for a while.
Yeah baby, keep movie those lips and that tongue. (Grabs the back and pushes her yapper on my wiener.
>i know how badly you WanHHG GURP GURP GURP
is this a movie star nowadays? i can't quite make out an adam's-apple, but looks it like it probably has a dick. baka
>not "Who's a good little goonpiggy? Who wants to suck mommy's toes?"
I can't fap to this.
>mommy
She really is making me feel like a little kid with an intense teacher who's been trying to get me alone, yet, she's 5 years younger than me
>Ready for your 2 hour CBT session?
my queen
>only 2 hours
>what did i do to upset her
>only 2 hours
You wouldn't last 2 minutes once she gets the tongs out.
that's not true anon
If you last 2+ minutes she WILL get frustrated and castrate you.
my testicles already belong to her, what's the difference
Castrate not with a knife but with a hammer, grounding his balls to powdery mush.
she'd be really good at porn
An anon put her on blast last yr and dropped names of guys in Hollywood she's fricked. He even included musicians from the L.A. scene.
If it was a LARP, it was unprecedented. Admitted he was a family friend and that Dakota was notorious for fricking anybody relatively famous.
protips for becoming relatively famous?
can you dream of a better 3way as you watch from behind a 2 sided mirror?
if I was rich & famous I'd have theses Golden Girls stacked like lawn chairs and spray em with my hose
link to the post? I'd like to see the list
i don't think he would be a family friend since her family is hollywood people going back generations. you know how actors only date other actors? she won't even hang out with actors, unless their parents are famous actors too. Like drew barrymore. drew she will hang out with
You got the wrong score with Dakota. Her best friends are all in the business. And the reason you don't know that is because they're C-Listers like her. Addison Timlin? Carly Chaikin? Riley Keough?
Addison you might know as the naked girl shaving Dakota's legs in the leaks or as the ex-wife of "The Bear" Lip, who she publicly cheated on. I'm sure he'd say they were separated.
Riley Keough is literally Elvis Pressley's granddaughter.
how can this skinny-fat rolly puppy be... the laviscious madame dakota web
I dislike the fact that the 50 Shades prostitute is the the face of a Marvel movie ostensibly for children.
I'm beggin ya to have sex
u look rul different without your bangs so im not sure
I just don't like her face. She looks really c**ty.
You're right. But you couldn't be any more wrong.
Natalia Dyer is the younger hotter version of this chick.
Natalia is dangerously sticc, she probably doesn't even get her period. Dakota is a healthy woman.
She does not radiate sex. She isn't even sexy.
Sounds like a you problem
This is one of the oddest viral promotion campaigns we've seen in a little while.
going viral on Cinemaphile isn't going viral
I got HIV from Cinemaphile
suddenly I feel like Dakota Johnson is one of the freakiest people alive
I want her
Her jowls are so lean and wrinkly she looks 50 from her cheeks to to her chin. It's very uncanny.
i love mean privileged girls so much
she humiliate the ellen freak
please dakota embarrass more lesbians
maybe black women
You sound like you would unironically want to drink her piss, directly out of her pussy.
I've swallowed girls piss before when they've squirted in my mouth (no joke)
Everyone who's had a gf (so 0.2% of this board) has.
that is not true and you are fricking deranged
You're right.
It's way lower than 0.2.
Brother if you haven't made your girl squirt by eating her out and finger her, you're doing something wrong.
I have never drank my gf's piss which is what that anon is talking about
Than how can you say you love her?
not every girl squirts you virgin moron
Physiologically speak, they all do. You're just not trying hard enough.
Is that St. Vincent?
Watch The Nowhere Inn
S-sauce me bro? Is that Elsa Jean?
Elsa Jean and Phoenix Marie.
Cheers
I have never drank ANYONE'S piss. I am a piss-drinking virgin.
>squirting
Didn't realize this would become a topic, but I was honestly asking u guys if squirt is piss? I've also made girls cream and that shit is tart AF. And stunk. Wonder if it was yeast infections.
Dakotabros... I even got my Red Wings (twice). You honestly think Dakota Johnson would say,
>"No, don't eat me out on my period, that's gross."
?
>squirt is piss?
It's a mixture of veganal fluids and urine, yes.
Unless your girl doesn't wash herself at all, you shouldn't worry about yeast infections. The whole "le throat cancer" meme is perpetuated by MGTOW type gays who hate female orgasms (usually because they can't cause them).
When I heard this was a sony movie in the morbius vein I thought "who would even agree to act in one of these at this point?" But then when I saw it was Dakota I laughed because I know she does movies as a joke so it made sense
>she does movies as a joke so it made sense
based if true
she's a serious actress you queer
i didn't say she was a bad actress i said she does movies to amuse herself
She's going to be the stepmother to Goop's children lmao
>she does movies as a joke
I've never seen this put into words so accurately but that's exactly what I think of her. Which is good, more actors should act like this.
I think this thread needs (You) removal.
I think she needs buccal fat removal
Sorry, I got bored halfway through your panhandling speech and started watching porn on my phone
Holy shit I can't believe they put out a promo such as this.
They know 99% of guys going to watch this just wanna cum to her face and voice, they are doing the perfect marketing.
That's bullshit. She did 3 of these, the other ones were nowhere near sexually charged. And it's a promo for a country that hates sex.
link other vids
I watched a supercut on YouTube, don't have the link.
yeah there's not shit, you lied
u ain't a goonie
>I was there myself, by your side, whispering to you. Right directly into your ear.
Does that mean Madam Web has a half hour JOI scene? I will now see your movie. Wait... unless it starts into that CEI shit. Then I pass.
>skinny and bangs: Coomstress de Cum
>+10lbs and no bangs: Your horrible aunt
I'd call her mommy but we're practically the same age
>Knock, knock.
>Who's there?
>Madam!
>madam who?
>"Open up, madam foot is caught in the door!"
Alright here's the deal: are you boys ready to goon or what?
She kinda looks like the dude from A Boy and His Dog
Don Johnson?
thats her Dad
D. Johnson looks like that?!
What if marketing research shows that you CAN hire actresses to femdom people into watching movies twice, and it becomes a widespread trend? I would hate that, haha. Especially if there was an app that took over your phone and some really hot actress appeared on the screen and was like “go see my new movie, my little b***h!” and there was no way to take back control of my phone until I say “Yes Mistress, I promise I will watch your new movie until my wallet is completely drained!” That would be terrible.
https://voca.ro/1nY4fPMFCOQ9
ayo what did she say at the end
Are you deaf? She said you’re going to cum. Twice. Is that gonna be a problem?
haha. needs to be more punchy though this text was rambling as frick. do this one or sth
>mdw
I love AI
https://vocaroo.com/1m6TFp16PDQ8
test
Test
>8 hours ago
yet I live in fear of jannies
I will now watch your film
Test
/r/gonewildaudio is leaking
What is that?
>34 years old
She's still really hot but damn she's not aging very well. Thought she was in her early 40s tbh
isn't that the British lady on youtube that peels back foreskins and plays with breasts and pussy?
Dakota meets Forward Young Man
?si=mbFB-idWoMD5TdH6
I too would be famous if I was a nepo baby.
No you wouldn't.