The media has always taught me two things about Germans: Killing Nazis is fun, and chicks in SS uniforms are fucking hot.
I belong to a generation reared on video games involving killing zombies and Nazis and sometimes a combination of the two. The Indiana Jones movies I grew up watching made the practice seem hilarious and enjoyable.
Written history has taught us that Nazis were the worst filth on the planet. England’ Prince Harry got publicly flayed over dressing in an SA uniform for a costume party. Another brouhaha erupted over a chick dressed up as “Anne Skank.” Recovering Sandra Bullock victim Jesse James caught flak for some Nazi-esque pics. There’s that stupid Internet “law” about conversations mentioning Nazis. World War II video games these days usually don’t contain swastikas for fear of offending some Aspie who may or may not have had a relative at Auschwitz-Birkenau. Man! We sure as hell don’t like them Hitler-heads, do we?
In less easily offended days, exploiting Nazi culture on the big screen was often a license to print money. Movies about unspeakable German evil came from all over the globe, though for some reason most of these flicks came from Italy. Usually they involved things like medical experiments, death camps, forced prostitution, mongoloids, and degenerate sex orgies. The chicks in these movies almost always came in two flavors: cute, somewhat innocent prisoners of war made to endure horrors that people these days would consider fetishes worth paying for, and hotter evil bitches perpetrating said horrors.
Women cosplaying in Nazi uniforms usually look totally fuckable, despite the Third Reich’s evil legacy drilled in our skulls. What’s the deal with that? Is it because the uniforms were stylish? Is it a form of masochism? Could it be a touch of sadism relating to the age-old fetish of wanting to seduce, dominate, and fuck your enemies’ women? That’s an entire paper for psychology and sociology majors right there. As far as I know, there were never any high-ranking female officers in the German military of that era, so could it be some kind of man-drag thing?
IMPORTANT NOTE: To any film geeks who might whine about how I’m not including Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS, be patient. Ilsa deserves and will get her own article, you impudent swine.
Women's Camp 119 (1977)
This Bruno Mattei outing is available as part of the 20 movie Grindhouse Experience box set and could very well be one of the strangest and unintentionally funniest Nazisploitation flicks I’ve ever seen.
It starts out with an angry and hilarious speech from an SS officer with a whore-sized chip on his shoulder who acts like he drinks a gallon of espresso every morning before work. From there, it’s a severed-cable elevator ride to murky VHS hell, as we’re introduced to the other characters: the sadistic-yet-calculating medical camp commandant, the bulldyke capo, the cute prisoner whom said capo wants to make her bitch, a titty-sucking, sex-mad retard, a kind and humane doctor, and his assistant, who happens to be the heroine.
All kinds of medical hijinks are a-brewin’ at this camp. One experiment includes removing a healthy uterus from a woman for transplant into a sterile one, of which we get to see the aftermath. Another one is the experimental National Socialist method of curing homosexuality, which involves two campy and grossed-out gay prisoners made to watch nekkid chicks dance all sexy-like and then are forced to have sex with them. And you thought that was only a religious thing!
Red Nights of the Gestapo (1977)
Right off the bat, I did a double take at the opening credits in which the viewer is informed that this movie is “from the novel of the same name.” Holy shit, really? A novel like that sounds like it’d make Fifty Shades of Grey read like a large-print children’s book if the movie is any indication of its content!
Shortly after those credits, we’re shown an indicted SS officer before a firing squad who inexplicably manages to miss their disgraced target while some chick is groped in quick-cut sequence. But hang on! It turns out that the disgrace was a clever ploy to lure out traitors in the Reich and our Aryan poster boy is key to the operation!
From that point, we get to see French lessons taught through lesbo frolicking, a cigar smoking SS ice-queen who lets her subordinates gang-bang her, polite requests for titty-flashing and lactation, patriotic nympho cutters, insane chair-humping, a performance involving a woman who has more garden gnomeelry stuffed inside her than a back-alley pawn shop, and gobs and gobs of titties and fucking. There are even slight suggestions of creepily enthusiastic necrophiliac three-ways! It’s pretty much safe to say that this one has it all if you’re a purveyor of fine cinematic trash and madness.
Frauleins in Uniform (aka She Devils of the SS) (1973)
You know, for all of the Swiss braying about their “neutrality,” they sure as hell made an entertaining flick about Nazi girls. The year is 1945, and as we all know, things weren’t going so hot for the German Army. Hell, Harrison Ford had already killed thirty percent of their ground troops at that point.
So what do the higher echelons of the military decide will help their losing troops? More supplies? Better technology? Actual, coherent battle strategies? HELL, NO! The answer is to recruit as many slutty German girls as possible to fuck the soldiers on the front lines and boost their team spirit!
Talk about “supporting the troops!” The theory is that getting nationalist poontang while under constant enemy fire will turn a Wehrmacht soldier into an unstoppable Übermensch. That’s the plot and foundation of the whole movie. I like this because the girls are especially hot and the premise is goofy.
Private House of the SS / SS Girls (1977)
There’s a proven formula when it comes to making Nazisploitation: More orgies, more lesbians, more violence, more perversion, and imagery that sticks to minds like roadkill on a highway during a heat wave. This movie is another Bruno Mattei production that follows a plot line similar to Red Nights of the Gestapo but with less disturbing undertones. It’s a standard softcore romp where brothel bunnies are recruited to lure out traitors within the Nazi leadership by fucking their Quisling-like intentions out of them, no matter how hairy, sweaty, or generally disgusting the guys may be.
The training sequences include rifle practice, lesbian sex, and judo lessons. The male lead is a particularly fruity-looking and unhinged kind of dude who gets to see his beautiful love interest getting pounded in an orgy of sweaty, ugly man-ass on top of her.
The funniest scene is when he comes out dressed as a Nazi Pope to render judgment upon the traitors. Not exactly shocking, but definitely trashy enough to warrant a look if you can find it.
Salon Kitty (1976)
Kitty runs a brothel in Nazi Germany where the soldiers come to "relax". Recording devices have been installed in each room by a power hungry army official, who plans to use the information to blackmail Hitler and gain power himself.
100% exploitation - albeit on an epic scale. Salon Kitty is all about men, women, amputees, dwarfs, and labor camp detainees getting naked in the name of the Reich. One would think that 133 minutes would be plenty of time to develop characters and a coherent story. That is not the case. The narrative is sprawling and confusing. Characterization is thin. It's hard to tell why people behave as they do. Motivations are revealed through throwaway lines or random speeches. The bizarre English dub adds another layer of surreality: "You mean they're not only w*****s, but b******, too?"
Still, a must see for the aficionado or the merely curious. To give a plot synopsis would defeat the purpose - this movie is an EXPERIENCE!
This is an extremely well made exploitation/drama that pays close attention to set pieces and clothing. It isn't a gore flick. It's loaded with full nudity and has a good story. It is for those who want sophisticated exploitation. The problem is that many who buy it will expect another one of those Nazi exploitation films that are made to try to shock, but instead they'll get something more polished and well made. There's some Nazi stuff in here that is akin to those Italian Nazi flicks that may disturb some, but these scenes are not in abundance. Because of the way it's made with the really good scenery and plentiful nudity, it should obviously be seen in Blu-ray quality, so I still need to get the Blu-ray disc.
Inglorious Bitches (XXX) (2011)
Not of vintage descent, but I decided to throw in a modern one. And as far as Nazi-themed porn goes, I had a lot to choose from. It makes perfect sense that the most exploitative facet of media would develop this as a genre, but I wanted something that involved more than just a bunch of hired tabs and slots in SS uniforms and swastika armbands rutting tediously in front of some trust-fund asshole’s camera. Bearing that criteria in mind, I settled on this surprisingly cool fuck-film by France’s Marc Dorcel.
For a skin flick, Inglorious Bitches has got some comparatively serious production values, and since it’s a parody of Tarantino’s “homage,” it has a plot! Unthinkable! Like Inglourious Basterds, it involves a bunch of Allied commandos who kill a bunch of Nazis. Unlike Basterds, the commandos are smoking hot, no-holes-barred Euro-sluts who fuck the living bejeezus out of said Nazis before giving them permanent lead poisoning.
It features a hundred-strong cast with bad English dubbing, chicks with old style hairdos and lingerie, and it’s just plain fun to watch. If decadent, stylish Nazi fuck-orgies are your thing, look no further than this.
I hear the Russians approaching, so it’s time to flee this camp of sin, degradation and filth for the safety of South America. Bis zum nächsten Mal, Schwuchteln!