How badly are Netflix going to frick up Conan the Barbarian?
 Anus Alien Shirt $21.68 |
 |
Anus Alien Shirt $21.68 |
How badly are Netflix going to frick up Conan the Barbarian?
How badly are Netflix going to frick up Conan the Barbarian?
Anus Alien Shirt $21.68 |
|
Anus Alien Shirt $21.68 |
It won’t be about Conan. The first episode will have 1 cool scene at the end to get you hooked but they’re gonna make up some young black woman character who gets most the screen time and Conan will be there just for promotional material. He’ll even say shit like “here take my sword, it’s better in your hands”. The lead writer will be some fat b***h who says “the 80s Conan films just didn’t explore the women at all, in fact they were just prizes to be won! So we wanted to make the female characters front and centre for once”
I’m willing to bet a lot of money on this
you are one hundred percent correct
the hilarious part is that the first conan movie already had a strong female character who they somehow managed to not make insufferable (rather, she is the most honorable of all the characters)
Throwing shade at my man Subotai. I never saw Valeria cry on Conan’s behalf. Get a grip.
She came back from Beyond to save his life in battle. I'll take that in leiu of tears any day.
FPBP
People make lists of "sexist, racist, misogynistic, transphobic" ect films on Letterboxd but the Conan films never appear. But movies like "Under the Silver Lake" is considered prime "misogyny".
That's because Milius' Conan manages to steer away from every imaginable stereotype. It's still a prime example on how to make a movie with a diverse cast and leave out all stereotyping of the,
A-a-are you from the future?
Don't forget the sex scenes with homosexuals and disgusting looking bulldykes.
CIVILIZATION MEANS YOU CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH MEN? CIVILIZATION IS DUMB, IN CIMMERIA WE HAD RELATIONSHIPS WITH WOMEN AND SEX WITH MEN
that's why there are no more cimmerians, gayget
>and disgusting looking bulldykes
well, i think she fricked Drago but still
usually i would call you an idiot, but then i remembered He Man and WILLOW
duh, Frank Frazettas artwoork is deeply problematic
>gets buff so he can draw himself instead of other guys
Absolute chad
🙁
You forgot about the interracial sex scene.
If it is white Chad/black sexy nubian queen I'm ok with that
You forgot that all the men will be scantily clad, but the women will barely show any skin. They will throw in some quick nudity in episode 1 as bait, but never again
Are you Nostradamus?
>He’ll even say shit like “here take my sword, it’s better in your hands”.
Kek
How did you get a crystal ball?
>the 80s Conan films just didn’t explore the women at all, in fact they were just prizes to be won! So we wanted to make the female characters front and centre for once
KEK
E
K
Robert Howard was a typical white conservative. Close to Milius.
Fragile and oversensitive, enemical to workers and class struggles. Adhering to the romantic ideal of the noble savage, which can be argued to have been contemporary with him.
Conan can't be something else. If it is, then you are appropriating him. In this case, that wouldn't be bad or good from first glance.
It feels to us more realistic that the people of the hyborian age would be racist, as in, seeing the other peoples with suspicion. Conan however is a white hero who prevails with force. His stories are exalting the white supremacy and in a world that is chaotic, only he prevails. They are meant to be escapism, both for the reader and for the author. Nothing can be really taught from them.
Does this mean that social values can't be taught through Conan? Yes, that is what it means.
Howard wasn't a conservative, he was a reactionary. His entire outlook on life was defined by seeing capitalists transform his wild west Texas town into a bourgeois suburb and resented civilization for it.
Those are interchangeable terms and, by your post, you describe him as a conservative.
The noble savage is a literary notion/vehicle. I don't know if "vehicle" is the appropriate term.
>Those are interchangeable terms and, by your post, you describe him as a conservative.
Conservatives are a type of Liberal, rhe right-most end of Liberalism.
Reactionaries are not Conservatives, since they reject notions of "Progress as an unalloyed good", which is fundamental to the Liberal worldview and Whig historiography.
Are you sure you don't mean neoliberalism? The Thatcher/Reagan era type?
>the noble savage
Literally never proven to exist; only naïve/disingenuous anthropologists pushed this term.
The term "noble savage" came from westerners encountering native americans who had good morals. Back then "savage" literally meant "not civilised" i.e. people who didn't live in civilisation, nomadic hunter-gatherers. Of course people like this existed.
>The term "noble savage" came from westerners encountering native americans who had good morals.
No it didn't. It came from city-folk who had never met the people they were writing about writing political screeds against the moral decay of their own people. People have been writing about the noble savage since at least roman times, and authors writing about noble savages always stop doing so the second they actually encounter said savages themselves.
If numerals the show will be based
Conan will kill big nosed villains
Women will be treated like property
And chuds will win
then she troons and goes on hormone therapy
yup
YAMERO!!!
In one.
I had zero knowledge Netflix were making a Conan feature/series. I can't believe Robert Howard estate allowed them to do this. This is the worst company to take on the barbarian.
Look at what has happened to Tolkien and his estate. The people who inherit the work are so disconnected and infected that they don't care beyond getting paid.
At least good copies exist of his works at the moment. I just started to read them and while they are pulp they are enjoyable pulp and Howard has a way with words. You can really see the effect of Lovecraft as well on the stories.
Lovecraft & Howard were buddies. There's a story Lovecraft was b***hing about having nightmares caused by the things he thought up & Howard told him he couldn't imagine anything that Conan couldn't kill &don't worry about it
I don't know if it's your thing, but I recommend reading Howard's sailor Steve Costigan stories. They are his funniest and Costigan is a fun doofus with heavy fists. All of them are about him having these titanic heavy weight boxing matches in every harbor he gets´.
Also, The Vultures of Wahpeton is one of his best stores. It's a western and stylistically it could have been written by Sergio Leone.
I will order the Costigan stories next. They look interesting.
Thanks for the recommendations anon
>Steve Costigan
My friend completely loves the Costigan stories, he's always telling me about them and how funny they are. I'm going to read them after I'm done with Conan and Soloman Kane.
Yeah, they are a fun read, though might get a bit repetitive towards the end. But they did show that Howard had a knack for comedy as well which made him even more versatile writer in comparison to many other pulp writers.
Nobody allowed shit, it's public ip
The stuff they’re dealing with isn’t, the studios purchased it from a holding company. Nothing to do with Howard’s estate or anybody who gives a shit though.
god damnit I threw my back out kneeling because of this post
Grim.
MFW I want to argue but I know what you say will become what is true
They frick EVERY single thing they touch up deliberately as much as possible
Just imagine the worst possible outcome and yeah.
Yeah, what this guy said sounds pretty spot on.
Anon is right in that Conan will take a backseat to the other female characters, just like Geralt in The Witcher did.
>CONAN.... HAD A BLACK SISTER?!
>*record skip*
>*freeze frame*
>*zoom in on baboon*
>Yep, that's me. You probably never knew, did you? That's the male gaze for you.
>*looks directly into camera*
>Look who's gazing now...
>*fog horn*
>THIS FALL...
>*cut to sheboon massacring white males*
>*wilhelm scream*
>THE MIGHTY CONAN...
>*record skip*
>HuueuUuh?? *sound from home improvement*
>*Conan stubs his toe, slips and hits his head and falls into a coma*
>...IS IN TROUBLE?!
>*cut to sheboon pushing Conan's arm away*
>"Sigh... Typical men, never there when you need them."
>"Don't worry brother, I will save the realm, it can wait no longer!"
>AND. HIS. SISTER...
>*cut to sheeboon sliding down a dragon's tail ans the dragon toppling over*
>IS FORCED TO CLEAN UP HIS MESS
>cover of Beck's Debra by all-female band
>MFW
It's going to be Grace Jones' character's daughter or sister some shit.
its going to be unwatchable garbage
there's going to be a girlboss that tags along with conan and teaches him about privilege and toxic masculinity
>tags along
no she'll be leading him, calling most or all of the shots, and emotionally manipulating him into doing things that are really boring for the storyline
Conan won't be white and there will be interracial lesbians (one ugly so you can't coom, see Willow).
Conan is basically Iberian
Cimmerians are proto-Celts. Howard says as much towards the end of "The Hyborian Age":
>The Gaels, ancestors of the Irish and Highland Scotch, descended from pure-blooded Cimmerian clans.
Conan is a blue-eyed, dark-haired, primeval Irishman.
his skin is dark
>his skin is dark
It's bronzed from being out in the sun all the time and Howard writes that numerous times. Not sure why we need to have this conversation ever Conan thread.
Not really, just sun bronzed. It comes up a lot as a descriptor in the stories.
In the Kull stories, Bruce is a dark-skinned Pict, and is the direct ancestor of Bran Mak Morn, another proto-Celt on the British Isles. The Kull stories take place long before the Conan tale, so dark-skinned characters don't really mean much unless they're wxplixitly stated to be eg Stygian.
*Brule
Howard's picts weren't celts
No, but they were native to the same general area surrounding Valusia, iirc as Kull's Atlantean hill tribes. Brule is explicitly stated to be Bran's direct ancestor. Not Proto-Celts, but maybe some kind of Indo-European.
>Atlantean hill tribes.
WHOAH. Imagine that: a story about descendants from Atlantis
>Have you heard of Atlantis?
>The lost continent.
>That is right, the lost continent. And, as with any continent, it had a variable geography and a multitude of peoples. You see, nowadays, people speak of the "lost civilisation of the Atlanteans" as if they were one unique and integrated nation. But that was just the most advanced Atlanteans...nobody knows, or conceives, of the more primal peoples of this world...
Am I a fascist for liking phantasy? Am I reactionary?
>Am I a fascist for liking phantasy? Am I reactionary?
If you enjoy Conan and you are not some form of Reactionary, then I don't know what to make of you.
Well, I do. Maybe I am a reactionary and don't know it.
Being a Reactionary today is as easy as seeing the absolute clownshow of modernity and thinking "maybe things were better in the past".
Bonus points if you can acknowledge the differences between sexes and races.
But I am historically aware. We probably clashed metpahorical swords in many threads before where I was trying to convince you that class struggle mives history and can't be replaced with any reform nor any party. But generally these phantasy writers were reactionary one way or another...
Class struggle is a poor man's word for federales ruin everything regardless of political stance.
>class struggle mives history and can't be replaced
Class struggle has been supplanted by gender and race struggle in the West: Democrats, Labour, Sinn Fein are all pro teanny, pro open borders freakshows.
If you want a state that cares for the people without reference to foreign hordes or gender freaks, then you're practically a National Socialist. Sorry to have to be the one to tell you.
>Maybe I am a reactionary and don't know it.
Welcome to the club friendo.
This is a common “misconception” (quotes because they know the truth) modern producers have. In Howard’s time and dark skinned at most meant swarthy or possibly Arabian. Dusky skinned meant dark Arabian. Black skinned meant sub-Saharan African.
and brown skinned wasnt a thing since that didnt exist back in the 20s
t. moron who never read conan and is pre-primed for the pozzedflicks edition
you must be moronic then because I did read Conan and it's stated every other story that his skin is dark
I don't know how you possibly could have missed it
His skin is dark from being suntanned.
ok, all I said was his skin is dark
why does everyone immediately think I'm calling him a Black person?
he's definitely not Scandinavian or Irish style white
>he's definitely not Scandinavian or Irish style white
you haven't seen scandinavian or irish people who spend their time outside working all day with their shirts off. they have exactly the same skin colour as conan. maybe brits turn red, I don't know about them. but scandis turn bronze.
t. scandi with a dozen "bronze" old timers in his family
there's nothing to indicate he's Irish or Scandinavian
he has black hair blue eyes and deeply tanned skin
it's likely he is olive toned to begin with
it's more likely he isn't than he is either of those subraces
In fact the irl Cimmerians were from Annatolia
again, for some reason you people think I'm saying he was black, I'm saying he's white but one of the more 'dark' varieties
>there's nothing to indicate he's Irish or Scandinavian
Proto-Celt. Howard spelled it out explicitly in his autistically detailed essay on the history of his setting.
You actually are just plain wrong if you continue to argue this point. He was a Cimmerian, decendant of modern Irish/ Scottish, with blue eyes, black hair and skin tanned bronze from the time he spent adventuring in the sun.
I look forward to you disregarding all this and pushing ahead with your wrong opinion in spite of all the evidence, though.
>decendant
ancestor
except a proto celt is not an Irish person
What point are you trying to make? Most of the races of the Hyborean Age are ciphers for IRL peoples.
Stygians and Kushites are Africans, Aquilonians are Italians, Iranistani are Arabs, the Shemites are israelites. They're not 1:1, because Howard believed in the rise and fall of nations, stating, I believe, in the Hyborian Age that the Atlanteans became a race of feral savages after the cataclysm, slowly rose into semi-civilisation again, before collapsing into ruin once more.
Conan is not a modern day Irishman, no shit, but a throwback to a purer form of man from which modern Irish/ Scots would descend.
literally all I said was he was dark and basically Iberian
that's it
the rest is me defending the position because people can't handle it
why can't you people accept basic stuff about the story?
He was tanned from being in the sun all his life, and had nothing to do with Iberia. So, you’re a stupid homosexual.
Don't bother he's a stubborn moron dying on his hill
seething
t. moron who never read conan and is pre-primed for the pozzedflicks edition
are you seriously going to argue he is never described as having dark skin?
I don't want to but I eventually will take screenshots of the 80 times it's stated in the books
lol he thinks taking pictures is reading and has the gaul to call someone else a brainlet
what point are you even trying to make
either he's described as dark skinned or he isn't
Pro tip: he is
"burned brown by the sun" yes, moron, you know what you were doing when you said he was dark, have a nice day and stop being obtuse
yeah I know what I was doing, being accurate
you're so schizophrenic you can't see a benign comment as anything beyond a racial attack
>Scotch
why do Amerifats do this?
back then it was commonly used to refer to both people and the drink, only in the last 50 years or so have they started seething and dilating about it
wrong, in classic mutt form
And Irishman are just Iberians than couldn't handle the sun, see the Miletian myths.
>Conan is a Cimmerian, who are descendants of Atlanteans, and son to a blacksmith. Characterised as chivalric due to his penchant to save damsels in distress, Conan also displays a humorous nature and enduring loyalty.
And Atlanteans were native to the same geographic area in Howard's ancient Earth as the Picts, who would later be the inhabitants of the British Isles.
Conan, Kull and Bran Mak Morn were basically genetic cousins, forming a fairly direct lineage through Howard's fictional history. The Picts were usually savage and degenerated, depending in where you find them in the timeline, though. I've only read of them being sewhat civilised in the Kull stories.
in his own stories he describes picts as practically not white
Yeah, I'm well aware.
I think that at some point I lost the thread on this and just started dumping what info I could from memory, regardless of how it related to other posts.
Been a long time since I've seen anyone discussing Robert E. Howard's stuff, got a bit carried away.
Howard's picts aren't celtic or indo european
They're a robust pre celtic race who descend from a once noble proto medditeranean people. They were in Britain before the indo europeans
The picts at the time of bran mak morn have slowly been degenerated into neandertalish people from breeding with a race of proto germanic giants however
>for Bran came of a race that was very old, which had spread over western Europe in one vast Dark Empire, before the coming of the Aryans, when the ancestors of the Celts, the Hellenes and the Germans were one primal people, before the days of tribal splitting-off and westward drift
Well, okay then. I need to read all of the stories again. For fun, if not to be more informed about my fictional genealogies.
which is why 'proto celt' does not mean Irish
especially considering myriad dozens of ethnic groups have come and gone to produce what is considered a modern Irish
Huh?
Maybe the confusion is not being aware Howard's 'Picts' are different from real picts: Historical Picts were a brittonic people related to the Irish.
Howard's Picts were degenerated ape-men Native Americans that were unrelated to Cimmerians. Cimmerians admixed with others and eventually evolved into Irish, Scots but not 'Picts'.
Howard’s Picts were quite similar to the Atlanteans, they were neighbors who suffered the same fate in the Cataclysm. The Atlanteans became ape-men but evolved back into barbarians (Cimmerians), whereas the Picts never quite went that far back, but never evolved much past being savages either. I don’t think he ever connected them with native Americans, it wouldn’t make any sense, but maybe later authors did.
We were Atlanteans. Makes sense the British Isles being in the Atlantic and all.
>there will be interracial lesbians
nice...
>(one ugly so you can't coom
*sigh*
>white
newbie detected
>no news for 3 years
it will have Florence Pugh
As Conan.
zero cruelty
We have seen The Witcher. Translate its production decisions to Conan.
youd think they had learned their lesson by now
I'm re-reading the books and I just finished A Witch Shall Be Born.
What now b***h homie? Run on home to your nappy-headed daddy.
I wouldn't even bother watching it for laughs, see how bad they messed up. The Witcher sucks ass and there was a whole storyline mapped out for them. The only thing they had to do was adapt it, but no, they had to introduce witch-demons, obelisks with vague magic in them, a convoluted Redania subplot where the royals are idiots and homos, Emhyr is hanging out with dwarf innkeepers swearing like a common soldier, no mystique whatsoever, side-lining Geralt on his own show, and there's no end to it. Conan will probably be worse, thanks to spiteful writers.
>obelisks with vague magic in them
Those things exist in the game though
Conan is male power fantasy at it’s purest form, of course they won’t allow it
You know full well what will happen. It will having nothing in common with either literary Conan by Howard or the Schwarzenegger Conan. At best it will have some of the iconography however, chances are that will be undercut with an overall poor art direction; even if the art direction is somehow brilliant it will be wasted with the writing being terrible. The writers/producers will either not be familiar with Conan or just hate it. It will fail, either through incompetence or just not trying, to capture the spirit of Conan and so will be a Conan show in name only.
A fat Black person sidekick
A homosexual quirk companion
White guy that betrayals the party
>Conan takes on a group of sorcerers and guards
>Spins around with a final swing
>His sword strike is stopped by a small teenage black girl with a shaved head holding a dagger
>Conans mouth opens in disbelief
A show to surpass the shitness of The Witcher, Rings of Power and Wheel of Time combined.
>Conan has a gay sex scene.
I was about to say, an butthole is getting penetrated in ep1 ~~*they*~~ can’t help themselves.
Cuckflix doing a show about unabashed masculinity homie please.
it'll be unnecessarily woke with nig cimmerians an shit even though the Conanvsrse already has nogs with a nog empire
they're going to cast Viola Davis as Conan
Will she make an appearance?
Yes, but she will be black.
Yes.
In a burka.
>red head
black woman confirmed
Where the hell is that picture from? Is this a porn? The only Red Sonja I know was played by Stallone's danish wife.
you never heard of cosplay?
hng
dayum, look at that codpiece. sonja must be hanging some long ladydong
I am now devastated we never got a Gillian Anderson portrayal of Sonja.
Gillian is 4'11
>Wait a minute Conan: are you implying that these dead villagers, obviously dead from an attack by something huge as the huge bites on the remains of their bodies attest to, and this slimy path that runs through the village, and the scattered parta of what appear to be scales and drippings of this venomous substamce, SOMEHOW mean that this village was wiped out by a giant snake?
>Red Sonja, my eyes have seen many things.
Get yourself a good illustrator and get to writing, man!
Too problematic. Red Sonja is raped as a young girl and it's verboten to have a sexual assault be a woman's motivation or even occur at all.
>Conan has no nuance and is portrayed as being an absolute idiot.
>Conan routinely gets upstaged by a female warrior.
>Red Sonja is played by a black actress and most insultingly an ugly one at that.
>Despite the diversity of people and places the setting could allow, everywhere Conan visits feels the same and has an ethnic mix like that of NYC or London.
>The costume and set designs are terrible.
>The costume and set designs are terrible.
this is the one thing that is for certain set in stone
people like to pretend like GoT had good costume and set design, when it was the same fiberglass and cement garbage as everything else before and after it
i have yet to see a medieval world believably portrayed onscreen in terms of costumes and set design.
there are some who have come close, but they all stumble on the finish line
the two who have come closest imo are The Virgin Spring and The Name of the Rose, and they achieve that by narrowing their scope quite a bit
It will be interesting how they dress Conan. Howard's Conan actually wears amour frequently however, the popular conception of the character is he is like Tarzan in a loincloth.
Thats a good point. He is usually wearing some type of clothes, not running around naked.
im gonna guess some form of studded leather
it’s unlikely they will cast someone ripped enough/willing to cycle enough to be in a loincloth often enough for a show. I would introduce him like that with the actor fully roided, and cover him up mostly with armor for the rest. I’m guessing they’ll go for the Samoan phenotype established in the last movie, so it’ll be a fat guy in a lot of armor for most of it.
The Court Jester. 50s though, sp I guess it doesn't count.
What an underrated, funny movie. The final fight with Rathbone is hilarious.
the diversity of people and places the setting could allow, everywhere Conan visits feels the same and has an ethnic mix like that of NYC or London.
This is the most moronic decisions these shows make. Conan lore has so many races and cultures to explore but for them "diversity" is just a grey blob without any character
here's your Conan
Powerful.
>What's best in life?
>To crush patriarchical geneer norms, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of cis white men
i have read the original stories, though i forgot a lot of them. i should reread them.
like everything else on netflix, they're going to subvert expectations by making the show about woman empowerment.
That's not subverting expectations if it's what you and everyone else expects
Subverting expectations would be making something not israeli
test
By Crom tell me you are trolling. I won't even be mad just tell me you made this up and Conan is not being adapted in current year.
F-Forgive me Conan-Sama but it's true
Oh God, why does this exist?
Conan was macho, chauvinistic, racialist and disregarded neurotic homosexualry in favour of just cutting through his problems with a sword or axe.
There is literally no chance of any Current Year Conan adaptation being even remotely faithful to the character.
Frick this gay Earth.
Conan will be female to male transbarbarian played by Elliot Page (Formerly Ellen page)
You realize the rights holders can veto anything and already cancelled a show that would change the essence of Conan and "update" it?
Rights holders can also be spinless homosexuals, like the Tolkien estate.
Once they'll throw enough money or once the old man keeping things afloat retires or dies (that's often the case), it'll get made.
Only if that is written into the contract, and even then they would have to care about quality over money & Netflix being involved ready says they don't
Did you not just see amazons rings of power. They dont give a frick as long as they're paid.
>princess Jehnna will be a troony
sad.
Reminder that Conan literally slaughters an entire African village who was in the middle of celebrating him as an honoured warrior just because their chief had the audacity to enslave a white woman.
It was a shitty village full of savages. Solomon Kane saved a bunch of redbones with Nlonga and was devastated when a village of mulattos he tried to protect died. REH's view is complex, on the one hand clearly black blood makes you worse (the former atlantean priest in the Nkari story goes insane with how he's a la creatura) but there are still virtuous and decent blacks.
Del Rey compilations. They are uncensored and unedited beyond the barest minimum from the original manuscripts. Edits being like "making a sentence actually end" sort of deal. Explicitly in the openings to one of them explains how they were made specifically to counteract the edited and censorious Conan republishings of the 60s-80s.
Yeah it's black circle. Vendhyan princess. The orbs if they touch steel just explode and turn whatever was there into ashes.
>Robert Howard was a typical white conservative. Close to Milius.
>Fragile and oversensitive, enemical to workers and class struggles. Adhering to the romantic ideal of the noble savage, which can be argued to have been contemporary with him.
>Conan can't be something else. If it is, then you are appropriating him. In this case, that wouldn't be bad or good from first glance.
>It feels to us more realistic that the people of the hyborian age would be racist, as in, seeing the other peoples with suspicion. Conan however is a white hero who prevails with force. His stories are exalting the white supremacy and in a world that is chaotic, only he prevails. They are meant to be escapism, both for the reader and for the author. Nothing can be really taught from them.
>Does this mean that social values can't be taught through Conan? Yes, that is what it means.
Conan starts out as a thief and a mercenary, and slowly evolves into a heroic character
Probably have conan fight a woman and cast magic missile at some friendly dafari refugees
Pretty bad per usual. I just want some cool ancient civilization/pre-history/lost continent kino
Please make it accurate. I want to own the Chuds.
Make it accurate to what? Conan isn't real.
is that the pajeet from Foundation?
No it's an interesting story. The archeologists who found a pre-historic body in Cheddar, England had a forensic artist recreate his likeness. Then this guy who's family has lived in Cheddar forever became well known because he looks just like the forensic recreation, only pale.
>forensic artist
i read this as foreskin artist at first. just so you know.
>source for the body's skin color being dark: nonexistent
every time
The Conan we know is actually a bastardization by de camp who edited the books and even changed other books to become Conan stories. Ie replace laser gun with sword.
I’ve read a bit of Conan the Cimmerian (his granddad?), I liked it but where should I start with Conan? Is there a Cinemaphile reading guide or am I gonna have to go blind and pick up pulp novels or something? Is there an overarching story or is it like 2000 AD?
The first story written takes place years after most others. Timeskips are a part of Conan, really, and you gain nothing from trying any specific order. The stories were intended as loosely-related Pulp fare and are still best experienced that way. Some of the stories are particularly good, a lot of people say Rogues in the House is their favorite. Others say Tower of the Elephant but I think it's a weaker pick personally. I'd grab an omnibus of many short stories and just read whichever ones have the most interesting titles for the TRVE pulp experience.
Ah shid alright, that does sound fun, thanks man
I bought two books when I was a teen, circle of the black wizards had me on the edge of my seat. I think I lost this book however.
That the one with the assault on the fort at the end? The wizards shoot bubbles of instant death and I think there's a gold ore in the walls Conan has to follow or he dies?
I think you are 90% on the money with the bubbles. I remember that they kidnap a princess and Conan has to travel at night so that the Wizards won't see him.
They live outside of a city, in the mountains past a desert.
It's people of the black circle
I stand corrected
Shadows in Zambula is the most fun story. I was also a fan of one I can't remember the name of but there's tall black humanoids on a tropical island capturing sea farers. IIRC it starts with Conan swimming for miles to catch up with a pirate ship captain by a dude called Zaparo? And it ends with Conan fleeing the island with some crew from a magical water construct.
>Conan swimming for miles to catch up with a pirate ship
ah yes, when you grow tired of the slow ass sailing ships and just start swimming to save time
How does the Conan reading community feel about the comics done by Dark Horse in the early 2000s?
I've read through the first few volumes and it's really good, but I don't know how everyone else feels about them or if there's much better versions of the stories
I know one of the dark horse gays is a woke butthole. I can't remember which one, but I saw one of them sounding off on twitter like a gay. It might be Kurt Busiek, but I can't remember.
The only comics worth reading were done by Roy Thomas. SSOC had some great stories.
What about the new comic?
I don't know, I stopped reading comics in the 90s when marvel went bankrupt and ssoc was shut down.
I still have a trunk in the closet full of copies of it though. I did buy the first run from i think kurt busiek and cary nord, born on the battlefield but it sucked.
I quite like them, but they turned bad after Kurt Busiek stopped writing as he couldn't keep up the publishing pace. But the Busiek written stories are some of the best sword and sorcery fantasy written.
The Busiek run is up there with Roy Thomas's Savage Sword
I sure like that part of Tower when he's struggling a bit fighting the giant spider and he's like frick it and hurls a big chest full of israeliteels at it and mushes it
>his granddad?
Conan is a Cimmerian. The "Barbarian" thing came later, probably with the Schwarzenegger movie.
There's an omnibus collection called "The Complete Chronicles of Conan" containing every story, as far as I know. Picked up the hard copy, then downloaded the ebook somewhere so I wouldn't ruin the spine, since it's a huge book.
You can probably find a digital copy fairly easy, but it does contain quite a few typos, probably from the scanning process.
They're excellent stories, hope you read them.
It was a comic book, he looked a lot scrawnier than Conan but no less braver. Thanks for the tip about the book, I’ll try looking for it at my local bookstores, if not EBay.
I picked mine up from Amazon. It was a little pricey, being a hardback omnibus, but it's well worth it imo.
Buy the 3 anthology volumes that contain every Howard story. They are like 20 bucks each. Everything else is cash grabbing fan fiction
Edited garbage. You need to find the original editions.
You already know it's going to be complete shit with tons of woke stupidity. Why even make this thread, just to have us suffer?
They gotta get rid of that pesky "toxic masculinity". It's gonna be pozzed as hell.
They can't
Conan has already been ruined
Frazetta and the comics has given people the idea that Conan is some nakedd berserker in a bronze age world where in reality he is intelligent, always chooses to wear armor and the hyborian age resembles more the late middle ages than mesopotamia
Conan becomes king of what is basically medieval France and dresses up in late medieval armor in the stories
>where in reality he is intelligent, always chooses to wear armor
Crazy how that escaped the popularisation. Guess naked grug appeals to people more.
>the hyborian age resembles more the late middle ages than mesopotamia
It's weird, because the Hyborian Age can be whatever Howard needed it to be: one story was basically set on the American frontier.
Conan as king is a tiny fraction of the books, the Cimmerians were described by Howard as a degenerated race and people viewed him as a barbarian, Conan used that to his advantage. He was cunning that way, but did not think of himself as particularly intelligent. He wore armor often, but sometimes wore just a girdle or tunic. Howard frequently described his muscular physique so it’s appropriate to show that off. The Hyborian age was not much like the late Middle Ages, a few isolated areas were further advanced in a fantastical manner, but there was nothing of the agricultural and economic revolution that marked the late Middle Ages. Howard set it in a vanished time on purpose.
Conan is intelligent. He knows well over ten languages, it's only because people see him as a dumb barbarian that he uses to his advantage
Conan always wears armor when he knows he's going into combat. The only time he doesn't wear armor is when he is deprived of it, is trying to be stealthy or swimming.
Most kingdoms of the hyborian age are at a late medieval level of technology. Aside from the most primitive of people iron and steel are known everywhere, knights from Aquilonia to koth to Khoraja wear full plate armor and even footmen and archers wear advanced armor. Certain places resemble even later periods like the Aquilonia frontier which is basically colonial America, certain seas which resemble age of sail pirates and afghulistan which is intentionally reminiscent of 19th century Afghanistan. The hyborian age even has gunpowder with signal flares being used but does not have firearms
Lol ok, just ignore everything I wrote and reiterate your own beliefs. Great talk.
Cope
You have not read conan
>IN THE EARLY haze of dawn the streets of Khoraja were thronged by crowds of people who watched the hosts riding from the southern gate. The army was on the move at last. There were the knights, gleaming in richly wrought plate-armor, colored plumes waving above their burnished sallets. Their steeds, caparisoned with silk, lacquered leather and gold buckles, caracoled and curvetted as their riders put them through their paces. The early light struck glints from lancepoints that rose like a forest above the array, their pennons flowing in the breeze. Each knight wore a lady's token, a glove, scarf or rose, bound to his helmet or fastened to his sword-belt. They were the chivalry of Khoraja, five hundred strong, led by Count Thespides, who, men said, aspired to the hand of Yasmela herself.
If it has full plate armor and chivalry then it is late medieval, homosexual
Late Middle Ages describes a world, not a single kingdom, moron. That was the nature of the Hyborian world, as I fricking said, a few fantastically advanced kingdoms, many more in the Bronze Age, and many in the Stone Age and before. Show me the agricultural Revolution that sparked increased urbanization and literacy and population growth which signified the late Middle Ages. Frick you’re moronic.
You get this guy on /tg/ when conan has come up. On the one hand he is correct - the terminology for armor and arms is explicitly high or even late medieval. Conan even has age of sail tier clothing described in The Black Stranger. On the other hand you do have explicitly Iron-Age Asshur (but also the Asshur we encounter is arabian nights bedouin), and obviously Stygia that is pure and unadulterated ancient Egypt.
The classicalification of Hyborian kingdoms (not the world of hyboria, the Hyborians) is more a result of the marvel comics and especially Funcom, since there is not an iota of classicalness to it save maybe I guess in Names - Palamedes isn't exactly a Frankish name. But no senate, no togas, no coliseums, no gladiuses.
It’s why Howard created the Hyborian age in the first place, to not get tangled in historical anachronisms and to have a world where anything could happen. To compare it to any actual time is pointless, but comparing it to a Europe united by Rome with advanced economic and political ties is just silly.
>dude it's a single kingdom
Howard described multiple kingdoms like that, moron
>muh bronze age
The only "bronze age" kingdom in the hyborian age is arguably stygia. Every other kingdom uses steel and iron
>many in the stone age and before
Not really, you have the picts and a few kingdoms in africa and in out there places but that's all
>muh urbanisation and agricultural revolution
Howard wasn't some autist who wrote pages and pages about the exact society of every kingdom in his setting
If a nation is described by howard as having knights dressed in full plate armor then it is late medieval, and many hyborian nations are described that exact same way. I know you're some moron who gets his knowledge about Conan from the trash comics but you don't have to cope like this
Late medieval is gay as frick. 12th century is the best.
12th century is late medieval
>The hyborian age even has gunpowder with signal flares being used but does not have firearms
cucked, not interested
>Frazetta captures the raw, visceral spirit of Conan's barbaric virility
>UUUHHHH ACTUALLY HE WEARS ARMOUR
You are such a a shallow fricking pseud, I'm furious. This is the most reddit post in this thread. Tell us more about how vikings didn't REALLY have horned helmets too, you absolute fricking midwit.
>raw, visceral spirit of Conan's barbaric virility
You might just be a homosexual
>masculinity is queer coded
>frazetta was le based manly man
>let's just ignore the fact that he drew interracial porn
homosexual
Seethe
Why does she have a fat stomach? Preggers?
Gary Kwapisz was my man, he was no Frazetta, his work could be a bit rough and raw, but I loved his style and the way he made use of whitespace.
Manlets aren't interracial
Black folk are
Just search up frazetta porn on Google it's literally the first result
Don't pretend frazetta was some based poltard when he drew Black folk fricking whites. I like frazettas art but I don't delude myself into thinking he was politically "based"
>Don't pretend frazetta was some based poltard when he drew Black folk fricking whites. I like frazettas art but I don't delude myself into thinking he was politically "based"
Where is this argument even coming? You have autism.
I'm not the one pretending that frazetta was "redpilled"
Frank Frazetta wasn't redpilled? I think he was. He was also accused of being racist thanks to the very same drawings you mentioned lol
I don't need to pretend all the people I like are "redpilled"
No, it started because I rightly pointed out that Conan wears armor, somebody got butthurt and seethed at that statement and tried to pretend that frazetta was some based ultra masculine figure and I disproved it by pointing out his drawings of Black folk fricking white women
I like frazetta as an artist, I like his Conan paintings but his Conan is not book accurate and anybody coping by saying "it doesn't matter what Conans sword looks like" is moronic because that same argument could be used by leftist trannies trying to subvert Conan and making the TV series into a politically correct woke shitshow
>just get yourself banned
moron
Go on israelitegle images l, search frazetta porn and look at the very first result
> I rightly pointed out that Conan wears armor
You’re such a sperg, in like half the stories Conan has just escaped from imprisonment and is naked or wearing rags or whatever, the one thing they all have in common is a detailed description of his extraordinary physique.
Conan never goes into battle without armor, secondary
Frazettas depiction of Conan in rogues in the house fighting thak is one of the greatest depictions of Conan because he is actually without clothing in the story, but the rest aren't canon and never will be
Conan has had many skirmishes while bare chested in the books.
True. And in almost all of them he laments not having armor
No he fricking doesn't. He's swift and agile, he's constantly described as a panther or a tiger.
Yes he fricking does. Just because he's agile doesn't make him stupid. The lack of armor is frequently brought up when Conan is deciding how to or whether he should fight something.
Frick right off, from the books I've read he's none too concerned when in combat.
If I wasn't at work I'd take the time to skim some stories to prove you wrong and dab on your corpse after you commit sudoku in shame of your defeat, but you'll have to settle for me telling you to reread some OG Conan stories (del rey collection). I don't know why you're so against it either. It speaks to Conan's intelligence as a fighter and Howard's attention to detail that armor is regarded so highly.
if he isn't wearing armor he always complains about not earing armor. in some stories he even brags about how his amazing speed and agility makes him ABLE to wear armor where other men wouldn't be able to (e.g., while sneaking through the brushwork). the famous one with pic shaman and the aquilonian that isn't seen from conan's perspective being one example of that.
Obviously crop and/or censor the art when you post it you colossal moron
https://www.hoodedutilitarian.com/2015/11/dont-hide-your-candle-under-a-bushel-mr-frazetta-nsfw/
>zesty and apish looking Black folk
lol based Frank
Not gonna lie, this is strange. Why did he draw this shit bros? Did he jack off to it in secret?
Most likely a commission that never ended up being published, you can even see some printing instructions on the drawings.
No one is. This entire conversation started because you don't like Frazetta's Conan not wearing armour then you brought up Black folk out of nowhere.
Post the interacial port if its true
You don't make sense, he had white-on-white porn too. If a single sheet of interracial porn makes him a cuckold or a leftist, then this
should qualify to make him based and redpilled as he extols the virtues of european supremacy against barbarian hordes. Where does that put us now?
Okay, mentally blacklisting Frazetta after that quick Google search.
What a fricking homosexual.
He probably didn't draw interracial porn for his own jacking-off purposes, you know? Artists get commissions. If this porn of yours exists anywhere else than in your pornrotted mind of course.
I like frazettas art but it is not an accurate depiction of the hyborian age
Only Howard's words are canon. Nothing else, homosexual secondary
The sword Conan uses is the least important aspect of the stories. You are such a a redditor.
You are a secondary who hasnt read a conan story
Only what Howard wrote is canon. Stop seething over it
I own 2 volumes of Conan, Solomon Kane, and Bran Mak Morn.
You dont
If you did then you'd realise that frazettas art isn't accurate, which you're seething hard over
Frazetta literally drew porn consisting of Black folk fricking white women
There's your "based" artist for you, homosexual
>man is a good artist
>ACTUALLY HE'S NOT BASED AND REDPILLED
/misc/ induced psychosis.
One of my favorite issues of SSOC was disciple. Where Conan takes on three Khitan students at the behest of the eastern master who taught him.
One uses a sword, one uses two swords, one uses spears, they're very attached to their weapons.
So Conan works them like dogs until eventually they're deadly, and in their culture you kill your teacher, so they come for him.
It isn't even a contest of course, he blinds the swordsman, cuts off the arm of the dual swordsman and takes a leg off the spear guy so they can't use their chosen weapons and are forced to learn to use any weapon they can get their hands on. Conan and his old master agree this will ultimately make them stronger.
This was a Roy Thomas story, but this is exactly what Conan is about and this is why the homosexual writers at netflix will never ever in a million and one years be able to make anything that isn't a vile and disgusting abomination.
Conan has been depicted wearing armor AND only a loincloth by both Frazetta AND Howard
>Conan in the "Wyman should be strong" era
LOL. LMAO even
Has anything come close to girl power being properly portrayed as in the arnold conan?
Early medieval Europe will be more black, Indian, and gay than what it really was.
For me it is The Tower of the Elephant.
I'd recommend you lads read the Solomon Kane stories, too. More than half of them seem to revolve around a pious English Englishman taming the savage jungles of Africa, cleansing it of evil prehistoric magic and monsters.
Didn't the netflix conan get cancelled?
If Marc Bernardin is writing it, it should be great and true to the comic but it also depends on Netflix's demands.
In Robert E Howard's Hyborian age (where Conan the Barbarian is from) Conan's people canonically descended from the Atlanteans, the superhuman master race, but later on "The Gaels, ancestors of the Irish and Highland Scotch, descended from pure-blooded Cimmerian clans."
so therefore
Gaels are the master race.
I wonder if his friend H.P Lovecraft ever connected the dots on that. He'd probably lose his fricking shit
Atlanteans weren’t a superhuman master race in Howard’s stories.
This, the Atlanteans were primitives, the Valusians were the Master Race.
>Read Beyond the Black River (Best story)
>Characters keep mentioning how no white man has ever crossed into the Pictish wilderniss
>Author interjects to explain that the Picts are also white just not perceived that way
What did Robby mean by this?
So Conan is the ultimate right-wing fandom, same way as Star Trek is the ultimate left-wing equivalent?
Seeing the word Netflix attached to any project is basically a radioactive sign saying stay the frick away. Every show Netflix has made has been hot fricking garbage.
Its ok, the Conan Netflix series isn't actually happening
https://boundingintocomics.com/2023/05/17/live-action-conan-the-barbarian-series-no-longer-at-netflix-possible-film-in-the-works/
Thank god, Now to just have the film die off.
>Conan is too based for Netflix to control
Based
And double based.
If they do, it will be MCU style, lots of jokes, women wearing burkas and lots of gays
confirmed? it sounded better in the original amazon guy's hand (cancelled) Netflix has 'never' adapted anything good, ever. It's debatable if they have made a good series.
Company like Netflix can't really do a character like Conan justice. Everything about them fights against what makes Conan great character.
I know it'll never happen and any serious thought I lend to this idea would be pure delusion, but wouldn't it be hilarious if they went absolutely apeshit and was made as it should be? People being decapitated left and right, tubs of gore, breasts & ass all over the place, completely rejecting societal norms of today? What makes me chuckle is the tidal wave of seethe it would create. God...the beauty bros. The beauty.
Im glad its not being touched. Yet.
Everything steaming services turns to an incoherent mess of transexual feces. Its hard to say if even HBO would be able to do it justice the way things are now.
Im only vaguely familiar with the books and comics, Ill put it on my to do list. But as an everyday enjoyer of Arnold Conan I feel like anything new wont be allowed to be done right.
Well if we're going for historical innacuracy, he'll be white lol.
>we wuz cimmeruhns
>Muh problematic artist is not based and redpilled because he made Black porn
If this is you, suicide is the only way out.
IMPORTANT QUESTION!
IS THIS BEING DONE BY THE SAME SHOWRUNNER/CREATORS BEHIND THE CANCELED AMAZON CONAN SERIES???
I TALKED TO THAT GUY (blanking on name) WHEN THAT SERIES WAS ANNOUNCED AND HE SEEMED BASED.
It isn't being done at all. And no, that seemingly based guy went to work on House of Dragons instead.
cant for the life of me find a torrent for a high resolution collection of all frank frazetta art.
anyone got a clue where to look?
Buy an artbook to support his hot granddaughter
pics
I'm starting to notice how Netflix doesn't give a shit about creating new and original shows just rehashing old shit.
Most people don't know that Conan series is filled with badass babes. Capable badasses even. They're badasses but they're also flawed and they don't take the spotlight away from Conan. They also have damsels, which is important to the world building and setting.
I think for the series to be successful they must include both without shying away from having damsels and without the badass babes taking away or somehow belittling Conan's male prowess; unless its to showcase Conan providing correction to their uppityness immediately afterwards.
>bêlit, a israelite that dies at the end of his own story and valeria, that dies during his story
Truly packed with "badass babes".
>b-but red sonja!
Not canon.
Valeria doesn’t die. You mean the chick from Red Nails?
>You mean the chick from Red Nails?
That's Valeria, you double Black person.
That’s what I said.
Turns out I was wrong about her dying, you gay. Still she never comes back.
They'll add the medieval filter to it. Everything will be brown and covered in layers of wet mud.
No it will be middle eastern filter and everything will be orange because DUDE DESERT LMAO
very badly.