I forgot just how fricking hot Tzipporah was. And the thing she does with her shirt, oh lord.
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I forgot just how fricking hot Tzipporah was. And the thing she does with her shirt, oh lord.
Khazar vegana has been the downfall of many White men. Restrain yourself.
Zepporah wasn't an Israelite.
khazars have no genetic relation to israelites
Moses was a israelite and so is she. Cope.
hebrews weren't israelites, you can't use the terms interchangeably
It's a shit meme. Just ignore it.
What precisely is the difference? One is the culture, one is the religion?
I dunno that Judaism as a formal unified religion was established at the time that Exodus is supposed to have taken place (it probably didn't happen, at least not how it is portrayed, even sans miracles). Is what I've been told, at least.
Oh. At that time. Yeah. Most of israeli history hadn't happened yet.
Their beliefs and practices would be quite different from the Roman period.
You can read in the Bible how Judaism evolved over the centuries, starting with the family deity of Abraham and his offspring, to the tribal god of the Israelites that Moses knew, to the supreme Lord of Lords worshiped in the Davidian Kingdom, to God the Creator of the Universe understood in the time of the Babylonian Captivity.
>to the tribal god of the Israelites that Moses knew
But so like my understanding is that there were other tribes that worshiped the same god, but with differing rules, traditions, etc. Certainly there would have been shifting alliances between those groups, and commensurate shifts in lifestylereligion (like spacetime, it's all one thing). So it's not as simple as there being a single line of cultural, let alone genetic, succession from Specifically The Exodus Peeps.
A huge part of rabbinical training is learning that the "laws" are there to be interpreted by the Rabbi for the good of his tribe, which is why most of it is basically debate school.
The Semitic people are a language group, including the Phoenicians, Canaanites, Akkadians, later the Carthaginians, many others.
Hebrews are a suspicious distinction from other Canaanites (as in, they are the same people ethnically speaking) that manage to cobble together a kingdom under Rehoboam (the previous kings and culture heroes seem to be imaginary or plagiarized from others like Sargon of Akkad, Emenduranki, many others sort of whole sale 'borrowed' with name changes to be ancient Hebrew heroes but this isn't unusual for petty and minor kingdoms).
The kingdom quickly split into two, the kingdom of Israel in the north, Judea in the south.
Jews are Judeans from the south. Israelites are from the north they are both Hebrews.
>Khazar vegana has been the downfall of many White men
>imagine thinking this
there are hardly that mmany goo looking israelites in the first place
Khazar founding myth was disproved nearly a century ago and I have no idea why people on Cinemaphile still parrot it. There's literally no genetic continuity between the Khazars and modern israelites.
Because it's fun to say Khazar Milkers.
>Tzipporah
The frick kind of name is that? Sounds racist as frick.
It's pronounced sea-por-ra, it means bird and I don't know why it's spelled like that in english.
more like shittora, amirite
Is that where they get the makeup brand from?
I only saw this once.
Didn't hate it but how many freaking times does the story of the Exodus need to be told and retold and reimagined and veggietaled and rugrats and simpsons and family guy and dollar store straight to videoed.
It's one of the few "cinematic" sections of the Bible, so if you want to make a Bible epic and don't want to deal with showing Jesus on screen, you do Exodus.
There are others but if you're looking to cash in, its got better characters and story structure than God getting pissed at humans for acting like humans and burning their village for being unpious.
Also it's a known quantity.
My theory is all bible stories are only so prolific because it's in the public domain.
Even if some executive isn't religious, its easy to crank out a product when the script is half written and there's an established audience.
"We need a new Smurf cartoon. Just give Papa Smurf a staff and a longer beard."
They need to get bold.
You could do "Jonah and the Whale" like "127 Hours"
>You could do "Jonah and the Whale" like "127 Hours"
But Jonah is only in the belly of the great fish for one chapter out of four, and it's the least interesting thing to happen in that book.
The synopsis is that God himself calls an Israelite prophet, Jonah, to deliver a message to pagan, violent Nineveh. Jonah turns tail and runs in the opposite direction and boards a ship for Spain. God sends a storm to intercept the ship, which threatens to break up. The pagan sailors pray to their gods in a panic, wake Jonah up, and beg him to pray to his God, too, in case he can help. Jonah boasts that he's an Israelite and worships only the one true God, who he happens to be running from, and that the only way to save the ship is to toss him overboard. The sailors reluctantly comply, beg God to not hold them guilty for Jonah's death, and vow to worship him only.
God sends a great fish to swallow Jonah, who remains in its belly for three days and three nights. Jonah composes a prayer about how not even death is an escape from God.
The fish vomits Jonah onto land, and God commissions him again to go to Nineveh to preach. Jonah reluctantly obeys, gives a half-assed message ("Forty more days, and Nineveh will be overturned"), and fricks off. No further explanation as to who, what, when, why, or how. Despite this, the Ninevites and even the king tear their clothes, sit in sackcloth, and repent, asking God for forgiveness. God is pleased and forgives them.
Jonah throws a hissy fit because he wanted God to destroy them anyway, and reveals that he ran away in the first place because he knew God would forgive them. While Jonah stares down at the city waiting for its destruction, God causes a plant to grow to give him shade. The next day the plant dies, and Jonah throws another hissy fit. God says, "You cared about the plant, even though you didn't grow it and it lived only a day. Shouldn't I care about a city with hundreds of thousands of people?"
The end.
Thanks for the QRD, a story like this really shows how much more patience and forgiveness God offers to humanity compared to what we offer to one another.
That sounds like that would make an amazing movie. Just a total reluctant protagonist who fights the call to heroism every step of the way.
yeah most of the old testament is not adaptable unless you make god into less of a psycopath, and at that point you might as well make up your own story because of the amount you will need to change
The story of Lot is always darkly hilarious to me
>the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah are hotbeds of sin
>god sends a couple of angels in disguise as auditors to see how bad it really is (even though god is meant to be omniscient?)
>Lot is basically the only decent guy living there, so he offers the 2 travellers a room for the night without knowing they are angels
>the townspeople decide to gang up, head the Lot's house and demand that he gives the 2 travellers up so they can rape them (why these 2 guys specifically?)
>Lot says "that's horrible! you can rape my 2 daughters instead!" but the crowd don't want any of that
>god decides now is the time to burn it all down and tells Lot and his family to leave and not look back, which sounds like an expression more than anything, but....
>Lot's wife looks back while leaving, god says "FRICK YOU!" and turns her into a pillar of salt because.....?
>Lot and his daughters hang out in a cave now that their home has been destroyed by god, and god decided not to give them anything else in the meantime (what a nice guy!)
>Lot's daughters decided to get their dad drunk....so they can rape him to get pregnant, which they then do
>this is where the story just kinda ends and talks about their descendants, so god was apparently fine with incestual rape, but not looking at him destroying someone's home
this isn't even getting into the RIDICULOUS rules of Leviticus that I guarantee no christian follows because it's chock full of dumb shit that barely makes sense
>>Lot's wife looks back while leaving, god says "FRICK YOU!" and turns her into a pillar of salt because.....?
>told specifically not to look back because something abd would happen
>looks back
just a woman being a woman
>"DO THIS!"
>"why? is there a good reason?"
>"BECAUSE I FRICKING SAID SO!"
wow so benevolent, very worth worshipping, not an abusive c**t at all....
i'm athiest, so you're going to have to shitpost elsewhere.
idk, if someone tells me not to look at an arc welder without a mask, im not going to ask why
But here's the thing, the reason not to look at an arc welder without a mask is that it's bright and can hurt your eyes. God turning you into a pillar of salt is just God being an butthole.
>God turning you into a pillar of salt is just God being an butthole.
Among people who have lost their faith and scholars and literature there's a conversation about how God making good on his threats in the Greek fashion created a unshakable certainty about his authority and power and thus applied a similar unshakable foundation for faith.
In The Brothers Karamazov, someone tells a story about how the Grand Inquisitor tells a returned Jesus that Jesus totally fricked up by not accepting Satan's temptation to prove his divinity. Because the Inquisition wouldn't be burning heretics at that moment if Jesus had provided far more certainty about his divinity the first go-around because the more certainty that would have existed back then would have meant the faith would have started stronger.
This isn't to say God isn't an butthole, but examples like Lot's wife are meant to give weight to God's word to obey.
That's a cute response, too bad the Israelites still disobey God in every single story no matter what he does to them
But that's exactly the point, Anon.
>‘If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.’
>rules of Leviticus that I guarantee no christian follows
Christians are under no obligation to follow Mosaic law and this is stated in no uncertain terms.
Conversely most of the provisions for divorce in Judaism do not exist in Christianity, and polygamy is done away with.
are the 10 commandments also just fair game to ignore, then?
can't wait to murder people and still be a 'good christian' who goes to heaven without even needing to say sorry!
10 commandments are moral laws and on top of that were specifically mentioned by Jesus that they should still be obeyed.
>Christians are under no obligation to follow Mosaic law
"Do not think that I came to destroy the Law"
It's a story about the origin of Israel blood related rivals the Edomites, they wanted their origin to be from incest and disobedience to God.
Christians aren't required to follow Mosaic laws, Jesus himself was breaking the rules by doing stuff like picking free leftover grain on the Sabbath.
While the Lord is described as Omniscient in the modern day, I do not believe he originally was back in the day. It would explain why he needed to send two angels down there to check out Sodom and Gomorrah.
I think a series about the acts of the apostles would be cool. I also think the time between resurrection and ascension should be adapted. Most people don't even know about the forty days Jesus walked the Earth between the cross and returning to Heaven.
St. Paul has a wild arc, going from a violent israelite who made it his life to kill Christians into a accepted Apostle that formed most writings of the New Testament.
>that face
Yep, definitely Dreamworks
shut the frick up.
If we're talking 1998, i would watch A Bug's Life anyday over this.
>Moses literally kills her family and she's like "okay"
sounds like a typical woman. All the diehard ride or die types got killed off in prehistory leaving only the genetics of cowardly women
thought she got revenge on him by cutting his foreskin because and "angel" told her so
seems like light punishment for the early bronze age
No, Moses didn't circumcize his son for some reason so YHWH sends an angel to kill Moses until Tziporah slices her child's foreskin off while the angel is killing Mose. This spares Mose against God's assassination attempt.
That's not how genetics work, we would have more cowardly people in general if that was true.
do you know what sexual dimorphism is? it's not just physical.
>we would have more cowardly people in general if that was true.
that sounds exactly like the world we are currently living in today
This literally doesn't happen
not in the movie but in the scriptures, I think her tribe were Isthar believers and the hebrews had the moral obligation to genocide anyone who didn't believe in their God, I think you might also remember what happened to the people of Jericho.
I have a hard time seeing that in Prince of Egypt canon
Her father literally is in the next scene, are you moronic? He's even the one singing Through Heaven's Eyes.
Road to El Dorado is the best 2D Dreamworks film, not this.
Would rather frick Chel.
Coomers who value sex appeal before story or cinematic value are the worst.
Her and Miriam woke things in me.
What movie is this?
simbad legend of the seven seas
Thank you.
It's actually Prince of Egypt
>God turned Moses's siblings into lepers because they were racist to her
Such a good movie
I remember an artist blog saying Dan Haskett drew a model sheet with her that included pubic hair
>tfw you'll never see it
>all those untrimmed bushes of the past
What plague do we need to unleash to gain access to the Dreamworks vault?
Actually, it might have been Miriam
>DELIVER SAUCE!
>TO THE PROMISED POST!
Such a Katzenberg film. Don't understand the praise it gets nowadays.
It's a visual masterpiece and they got a Mariah Carey/Whitney Houston duet on the soundtrack.
>It's a visual masterpiece
Well yeah. It's the same animation crew from Balto, plus had some people from early 90s Disney. It's not as if Katzenberg assembled a team of amateurs.
>Mariah Carey/Whitney Houston
Why the frick is there no modern Whitney Houston. Why the frick isn't it the music industry's #1 priority to find someone just do her entire discography and we have to put up with good but lesser vocalists like Beyonce and Lady Gaga.
Hollywood replaces their fat man comic every time the previous one dies, it would be almost effortless to have a Whitney Houston cover artist just do small theatre concerts for $300,000 a year.
Why didn't they make her black like the Bible says she is?
Wheere does it say she was sub-saharan? Her tribe lived in Arabia
>Wheere does it say she was sub-saharan?
She's Kushite
I know a black chick who looks exactly like her, skin color, nose, eye shape, everything.
Beyond Belief lookin' ass
The "Cushite wife" mentioned in Numbers 12:1 might be a different individual that Zipporah the Midianite.
Might be but my home boy Moses only had one wife so Z girl gotta be black
She's so smug and Moses looks like a beta male.
>that thing she does with her shirt
She’s snapping her suspenders. Except she’s not wearing suspenders. Kind of an anachronistic gesture, now that I notice it.
Katzenberg isn't very smart
Kinda sad how that banal Sinbad film was their last 2D film.
It had some beautiful animation but the story was just so shitty. That and the gross dog with snot and vomiting that they put in all of the trailers.
You can tell Antz and Shrek 1 were made by the "ugly stepsister" division of Dreamworks. It's obvious that Katzenberg wasn't as involved with them like he was with Prince of Egypt, Road to El Dorado and Spirit, which were made by the division that he had more faith in.
>thing she does with her shirt
What? I’ve seen the movie and don’t remember any of that
Her sisters are cute too
Legit question, does she have cute feet?
yeah i’m pretty sure she does
This is the part of the thread where I bring up the fact that if you fiddle with the dates there actually is SOME evidence for the Biblical story of the Exodus, certainly evidence of a Hebrew presence in Egypt during the New Kingdom.
Pic related, Akhenaten tried to introduce monotheism to Egypt and there is some evidence he had a prominent israeli courtier. This may mean that this courtier was Joseph the Patriarch and Akhenaten is the Pharaoh to whom Joseph serves as Vizier in the last few chapters of the Book of Genesis.
This theory is partly the basis of Thomas Mann's novel "Joseph and His Brothers."
That seems plausible to me. The fact that Akhenaten's successors immediately buried his legacy and attempted to restore their traditional religion kind of lines up with the line in Exodus about how "there came a Pharaoh who did not know Joseph.
That's not evidence for Moses and the exodus.
To this day I still love how they handled God and the whole burning bush scene. I've never found any other scene that handles divine revelation as well.
What race is supposed to be that?
Midianite. It was an Iron Age Semitic tribe.
Don't care get Miriam-pilled
>canon story would have Aaron speaking for Moses
>Ah..erg..ahem Pharaoh, I was sent by Moses to..to tell you that our G_d *akward chuckle* wants you to set all the Hebrew free...if your not too busy right now!
The irony is that it's Moses who canonically had the speech impediment.
Her and Moses's sister thooo
Moses' StepMom is where it's at though.....please do not make me think lustful thoughts of Moses' family on the Lord's Birtthday.