>I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
>I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'.
>I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
I didn't really laugh but it's not a bad joke.
Is that a Mitch joke I never heard or did you make that up yourself?
That's a Steven Wright joke.
Mitch Hedberg is basically Steven Wright if he was a gen-x stoner
>do my belt loops hold up my belt or does my belt hold up my pants?
>who's the real hero here?
the perfect mitch joke
Nah that would be the "used to do drugs one". If you hear that as your first Mitch joke you instantly get a sense for his style character and shtick.
A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef
Yes alcoholism is a disease but it's one you can get yelled at for having
For example
>dammit Otto your an alcoholic
>dammit Otto you have lupis
See how one of them doesn't sound right?
Gambling is a disease, a terrible terrible disease
But it’s the only disease where you can win 1 million dollars
>Do you like sandwiches with three pieces of bread?
>Yes.
>I do too. We should start a club. And we can cut the sandwich into four pieces instead of two and arrange them in a circle. And in the middle we will dump chips. Now let me ask you this: how do you feel about frilly toothpicks?
>I'm for 'em
>Good! Now we have a club.
Alcoholism is a disease, I agree. But as far as diseases go, I think it's the best one.
Is it true if you go back in time and fart on a butterfly then Hitler is never born?
Yeah but Shitler happens and is like 5 times worse
wow a super shitler?
Ya but you'd probably shift things into an even worse situation with a super hitler.
Hey you got a lot of cranial accessories
Hey you got a lot of shit on your head
A severd foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer
So whose better, Mitch or Wright?
I saw Stephen Wright live and would say Mitch because i cant see him
bro he's right there???
I like mitch’s way of speaking better because he sounds like a moron but wright probably writes better lines
Mitch hands down and it comes down to energy and good vibes.
Wright just comes off as he's suffer from a massive hangover. He doesn't want to b there he hates his job and more importantly he hates his audience. I get that some of his appeal. But to to.me he should have just wrote jokes and handed them to someone with any gusto
I used to like Wright more but Mitch is better at delivery. I'd even say he had better observations.
not saying he's as good but todd barry is definitely in the same territory
first one was decent.
Who do you think you are posting a 32min video to prove someone's funny? Not watching it. I know. Ugh, I'm just not.
Both
>Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something
I'd like to get a vending machine that sells vending machines. They'd have be real fricking big
He stole that from Swingers when Mikey tries to charm some old waitress
no matter how much I practice tennis, I will never be as good as a wall
Lmfao
Wright:
>Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time
Hedberg:
>Every book is a children's book if the kid can read
>One time a guy handed me a picture, he said "Here's a picture of me when I was younger."
>EVERY PICTURE IS OF YOU WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER
You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just gonna ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.
I want to hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations I've traveled to, but first I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won't fall down.
I used to do drugs. I still do. But I used to, too.
Saw him live not long before he died. He was slurring so bad I could barely understand a thing he said.
🙁
It was pretty sad. He would take a huge swig of vodka and then chase it with a little sip of orange juice.
I read that he had awful stage fright, poor guy.
I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. It's like, "Dude, you have to wait."
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, but I said "No... but I want a regular banana later, so yeah."
>My friend asked me if I wanted some grapes, but I said "No... but I want some wine later, so yeah."
>I have an oscillating fan at my house. It goes back and forth. It looks like the fan is saying "no." So I like to ask it questions that a fan would say "no" to! Do you keep my hair in place? Do you keep my documents in order? Do you have 3 settings? LIAR! My fan lied to me. Now I will pull the pin up. Now you ain’t saying shit.
>I was watching that movie 12 Angry Men
>and those dudes were really angry
>alright, that one didn't really land so I'll move on to the next joke
i use to like Todd Barry but that was ten years ago and i never bothered following his career.
Same. I used to hear him a lot on XM radio. Completely forgot about him until I read this thread. He was pretty funny but I don't ever recall seeing a special of his.