Is it worth the watch? Debating whether I should waste my time with it.
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DMT Has Friends For Me Shirt $21.68 |
Is it worth the watch? Debating whether I should waste my time with it.
Is it worth the watch? Debating whether I should waste my time with it.
DMT Has Friends For Me Shirt $21.68 |
|
DMT Has Friends For Me Shirt $21.68 |
It’s basically 2 dudes screaming at each other for 2 hours. I asked for a refund but the theater’s manager said you can’t wait until the movie is over to get a refunds.
what a terrible subhuman shitty post. Back to disney+ now.
wow sorry, big boy
it's actually two dudes screaming for 20 minutes, while for the rest of the movie, nothing fricking happens
every character is shallow as a puddle and all "plot" is about one dude sabotaging a farm in the most boring, uneventful way imaginable, enriched with bunch of nonsense to satisfy pseudo-intellectual needs of soibois like Eggman
am i precise enough now?
Nah still a filtered Black person
STOP THE COUNT!
>Debating whether I should waste my time with it
what fricking company and marathons are you running that you have to debate whether you can watch a 2 hour movie, you probably spend that much time on tiktok every morning
frick people like you, I'm tired of hearing it
>ya im considering watching x movie next week, maybe split it in three parts
>ya im debating
stfu
I split Drive my car into 3 viewings and this was a positive experience because I paid a lot of attention during each instead of losing focus.
Improve yourself
yeah its pretty good
Just watch Cowboy Viking Chad give you the basic synopsis. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=679oLpzZkGw&t=1553s
You should fricking have a nice day for linking to a youtuber you pathetic moron
I don't want to be rude but I think that other anon might be right.
I thought it was amazing personally, good cinematography and speed, keeps you hooked. It was the first movie I watched on my tv since I got my internet reconnected. 8/10
>good cinematography and speed, keeps you hooked
are you on drugs??
wtf it had the blandest camera work and worst pacing of any big budget movie of the last 10 years
Chronic marvel fan
>Debating whether I should waste my time with it.
If you think watching the best thing you'll see all year is a waste of time, get off Cinemaphile permanently.
Bland and boring
solid 6/10. if you're bored and have nothing better to do, it's alright.
It has that dumb bullshit agnostic "oooooh is it magic or is it in his head!??!!" take on the whole thing
Also it makes vikings look like literal savages
>comic sans
I expect no less from the kind of morons that make such memes
honestly the left one looks generic as frick
Vikings were literal savages
>oooooh is it magic or is it in his head!??!!
They didin't, you don't understand the way gods work.
Literally half the movie is describing how nothing he said/saw makes sense or didn't even happen
The only scene like that was the one from his childhood about seeing his mother.
And him meeting the druid in the hill
And him fighting the skeleton
And the volcano fight
And the valkyrie ride
And the witch in the village
And then having his mom basically tell him his entire motivation was fricking wrong
All of those happened, like i said earlier you just don't understand the mythos. It's not a fantasy movie, it's a nordic movie so they follow the way gods would act in the real world. Have you read any mythology at all?
I think their brains are so cooked from seeing "it was just a dream!!!" and dream sequence character-building shit all the time in dramatic works that they can't even entertain the concept of it literally happening the way it was portrayed onscreen. You're on a fool's errand trying to explain it.
>hallucinates a sequence where a valkyrie saved him
>nope it was actually his witch GF
>the blind witch of the village showed him the way!
>oh wait she's not there
>WOA A BIG SKELETON BATTLE!
>actually turns out he didn't fight it at all
it has the same bullshit agnostic curse as Exodus Gods and Kings and every other modern religious/magic film where they're not willing to commit 100% to the fantastical because they're scared they'll be laughed at
Everything about the film is a falsehood and should be shunned as the inauthentic dreck that it is
>Everything about the film is a falsehood and should be shunned as the inauthentic dreck that it is
this
don't worry bro they'll be along to shout at you how you didn't get it because they have big brain and a womens interpretive dance degree
>you just don't understand the mythos
it so funny how the midwits trumpet this phrase out everytime someone smarter than them says they didn't like it
it wasn't some incredible high-art masterpiece
it was boring as frick and poorly done on even the most forgiving technical level
you piece of actual shit
Yes you are indeed a moron
I'm honestly, literally, too cute and talented to fricking care bud
Do you also complain jesus wasn't walking around giving sermons to brad pitt in the Tree of Life?
>he obviously hasn't seen the directors cut
Tree of Life isn't a film about a biblical fable
It has elements transposed over modern shit
The Northman is a fantasy version of the past that shies away from the fantasy/mythological part
It'd be like removing all of the magic out of the King Arthur movie-oh wait Anton Fuqua already did that in 2004
It's not a fantasy movie.
oh damn it was a historical film?
Apparently it's Norse 300, where things are vaguely "historical" in a loose sense and people are fighting monsters (but not really).
Or something.
>Apparently it's Norse 300
300 had cool imagery though
And wasn't unentertaining
Like I pointed out earlier it's closer to King Arthur (2004), Robin Hood (2010), The King (2019) and Exodus: Gods and Kings where it sucks out what could be the mythological imagery and counters it with gritty "realism" that amounts to it looking like a graytoned play moreso than a movie or even the rich iconography painted and inscribed in that time
I gotcha. There is absolutely zero point in a King Arthur and his Knights story that contains no fantasy elements.
It'd be like doing a Paul Bunyan movie where he's just this burly 6'6" guy who chops down trees and is nice to people.
Which is not to say you couldn't make a good slice-of-life movie about a Lumberjack.
But then alluding to a bunch of Paul Bunyan mythos would make it pretty silly.
precisely
watch it while not on your phone next time moron
Imagine not understanding something so simple. I can tell you're a zoomer.
NordBlack person cope all you want, but vikings and Germanics were all fricking savages. Ooga booga tier. Never did anything but kill and rape (like Black folk) navigated enough to find america but got BTFO by indians. Any serious army BTFO them. Never built any civilization or accomplished anything until civilized by their betters, and it literally took them hundreds upon hundreds of years and the fall of Rome, then Christianization to actually catch up and do something of relevance.
>t. homosexual roman manlet
>the opening scenes in Gladiator
kek, good point
They are both kino. Eggers did exceptionally well, especially considering the year we are in.
Placing the three of those on the same tier is genuinely a criminal act and I will have you lynched
Shut your prostitute mouth, pleb.
Excalibur > power gap > Northman > Conan
Excalibur>nothing is as good as Excalibur>Conan>Bram Stoker's Dracula>300>Justin Kurtzel's Macbeth>gap of gray nihilist shit>The Northman
The Lighthouse is the only thing Eggers has made that is close to good and that's because it was a comedy
>Excalibur>nothing is as good as Excalibur
Good take.
>Bram Stoker's Dracula>300>Justin Kurtzel's Macbeth>gap of gray nihilist shit>The Northman
Terrible take. Dracula is boring and Kurzel's Macbeth is a terrible adaptation, completely changing Macbeth's character motivation. 300 is pretty good though.
Dracula has more style and cinematic expression in one scene than the entirety of The Northman and the whole movie oozes the enthusiasm for cinema that has collectively evaporated in america
Likewise Kurtzel's adaptation is even something more closer to Northman in terms of comparison but better in cinematography and performance
Dracula is mediocre. Keanu sucks, pacing sucks, Van Helsing sucks. Only good things are the music, the overall visual design and Oldman. The whole "oozes enthusiasm for cinema" part made me cringe. Very gay. Coppola is a hack. Kurzel's Macbeth is very tedious in its use of both slow-motion and fog. His brother's soundtrack is pretty good though and Cotillard's and Fassbender's performance are also fairly good. Still, bad adaptation.
you should pull out your own eyes like Oedipus
Log off and go break your twig fingers or something, tastelet.
I'll have you know i have big meaty grabblers
Why is everyone here either fat or a twink? As for you: Lose weight.
as for you: take off those striped socks
Is this a reference only fat people understand?
you must be fat then if you don't get it
No, I'm the exception. I don't fall into either of those two categories.
yeah you don't fall because you can't even stand up, fat man
>Also it makes vikings look like literal savages
Why does this effect the quality of the movie?
>i will await you at the gates of hel
>at the gates of hel, you will find me
Kino
Nah bro, go watch another 7 season long netflix show. That'll be a much better use of your time.
Best film made in 10 years. Only pussies, soys and trannies don’t like it. It’s a man’s movie.
its only like two hours you should be able to marathon it over a few days
Watch the first 45 minutes, then skip to the last 10 minutes
More or less this.
There are some gems scattered throughout it, but it drags on and on for so much of it
Yep. I sort of pretend he arrived at the farm and then he has the scene with Kidman spilling the beans and then the volcano fight scene happens and it's all over.
Movie needs a Cinemaphile recut
the scenes to keep are obvious. Maybe keep a slow scene here and there. Off the top of my head, throw away the quiddich, the fake fight, the mushroom poisoning
Come on the shroom poisoning was cool
The scene before that with Anya nude in the woods was lame
>start watching
>scene where the king and his kid go do some kind of ritual
>pretending they're dogs
>howling and walking on all fours and shit
I cringed so hard I couldn't keep watching
Thats because you don't have a penis
im a fan of the other movies bht this one bored me
if you like watching snowBlack folk scream then go ahead
it's a 1.25x - 1.5x speed movie, give it a go
Yes. Everyone who says otherwise is a butthurt christcuck or a lefty israelite.
It's really fricking good.
I already forgot I watched this tbh
I'm white btw
NOOOOOO YOU CANT JUST SAY IT WAS A FORGETTABLE SIX OUT OF TEN MOVIE! ITS THE WHITE BLACK PANTHER!
Yeah give it a watch, it's a good film. Could be better that being said.
No.
watch it purely for the cinematography. The plot is surprisingly boring
Yep. Stripped of the tight camerawork, the whole thing plays like an awful Wayans brothers skit
This.
reminded me a lot of Apocalypse Now's pacing. If I wasn't in a relaxed mood when watching both these movies, I would have hated them.
It is but it isnt kino
Your time is worth nothing, realistically speaking.
>Vikings had dysfunctional families, fricked and married their slaves and struggle through Oedipal complexes, all while acting like wolves to hype themselves up for fights and needing women to be their voice of reason in their constant semi-beast-like state.
It's pretty shit and doesn't once seriously try to glorify masculinity or the bravery and adventurous nature of the nords - it's always coupled with some weird shit that aims to reframe them in a questionable light.
>glorify
Wow, what a homosexual. Go watch propaganda films, political tourist.
>needing women to be their voice of reason in their constant semi-beast-like state
Did you miss the part where he more or less completely ignored her and yeeted himself off the boat straight back into his quest for violence?
hell yeah bro I also loved the poorly written parts that made no sense and added nothing to the story and only happened because they didn't have the talent to write something good instead
YES!
Did you not have your ritalin on-hand or something? What was so hard to understand about any of it?
I didn't say it was hard to understand I said it was poorly written by people who lack the talent to write something entertaining and emotionally stirring instead
you dipshit looking frickface monke person
In your fractured mind, what would have made it "good"?
for one I wouldn't censor their swinging wieners during the final
or cast ethan 'I'm literally the worst actor on earth' hawke
or Nicole 'AAAAAA WTF' Kidman
I could write a fricking thesis on how this film was such a let down in every conceivable fashion
I also work in Hollywood and frick so I don't expect you to get it chudlord™
>for one I wouldn't censor their swinging wieners during the final
Based.
>or cast ethan 'I'm literally the worst actor on earth' hawke
Eh, he was fine.
>or Nicole 'AAAAAA WTF' Kidman
Agree.
>I could write a fricking thesis on how this film was such a let down in every conceivable fashion
But you haven't even done a fraction of that. You b***hed about casting and a lack of dong. Both valid complaints, but nothing more than that? Come on.
Its shot very well and feels like an epic, but basically it’s Hamlet but if it was boring unless you’re really into Norse mythology. The anon that said to watch the first 45 minutes then skip to the last 10 minutes is absolutely correct.
Thank god for Shakespeare.
But wasting your time on a cartoon board is fine.
considering what is currently out there...
you could do way worse than watching this movie, its ok and good at times even
I didn't even make it half way through.
You missed out. The finale is ROTS tier.
Its an absolute 6/10. A mediocre yet creative and visually interesting movie. Totally forgettable but still commendable
One of the worst films that I have watched in some time. It's as if the writers/director sort of understood the structure of a story, but nothing about what makes them interesting.
I forced myself to watch it to the end over 2 or 3 days but I felt like I was enduring most of it, it wasn't pulling me in. I didn't really care about Amleth. Also apparently Eggers has decided that farts are going to be his version of Spielberg's shooting stars throughout his career.
The girl who gets sacrificed was so cute. Icelandic accents are adorable.
Movie was not very good. Watch Old Henry instead.
do it it's kino of the highest caliber.
it's a flick of the middling sort
Yes
ayy pussy
Its decent. Carried by the visuals really. Has some pretty cool moments. The MCs plan makes no sense though
you could have watched it in the time you spent debating watching it. it's an okay movie.
Movie's good but too short
t. The Batman enjoyer
There's nothing Cinemaphile hates more than liking a good movie with some hype right when it comes out, especially if it isn't particularly critically well received. Cinemaphile posters can't tell a good movie when they see one, they have to wait for it to make the rounds and be broken down for them so they can jerk off over 'getting it'
People here are so absorbed in thinking they have good taste and are some movie critic and have an appreciation of art. An interesting story thats realistic and shot well. Something engaging and exciting that you connect with means nothing to people here because you can't jerk yourself off for figuring something out or having some insight you think is unique (insight that you probably just got from some dork on YouTube anyway)
God, no. Watch Conan the Barbarian instead.
Or better yet, The 13th Warrior. A vastly superior Norsekino.
If you're not paying for it, then don't watch it.
Haters did their job. The movie flopped. They will continue to troll and insult people who dare to talk about the movie.
Now they are using an interesting method of comparing The Northman with our other films (Conan, Apocalypto), so we have to choose what to criticize and what to praise. Personally, I prefer to choose the new one and sacrifice the old ones.
You seem to have this strangely earnest agenda towards defending/promoting this movie.
Is there something we should know?
After this movie, I became a fan of Eggers and ATJ. And I think I have some understanding why trolls are so angry. In films like The Northman, there is a lack of "stimulation" for them. Or, in another case, they hate it because their ideology demands it.
All I can say is that your "fandom" seems easily won.
It's not an awful movie by any measure, but it's really not worth the time it takes to watch it.
I have spoken and will not waste my time arguing with demagogue trolls.
It made me think less of snowBlack folk than I already did
do you like sword & sorcery? if so it's comfy, well shot and acted, pacing kept me engaged and I didn't realize it was so long
>Implying your b***h ass has anything better to do
I've seen better fight scenes by amateur youtubers. It's pretty awful outside the beginning of the movie.
Not really it’s rather mediocre and the choreography is terrible
Hell no. Farting furries are not funny. Kid amleth using skyrim's broken stealth system is comical and stupid. Viking druggies high- fiving each other whenever they kill innocent fishermen is immoral and satanic. This is an evil movie anon dont watch it
Its an ok movie with some epic moments.
They had a perfect chance to end the movie with this song and blew it
Wish the movie was more of him pillaging with his viking bros. Why would they tease us and then have the rest of the movie be some tame shit.
conan rip off
Which in of itself isn't a bad thing. I'd love to see a new GOOD Conan clone
It's worth a watch, if only for the visuals. Nearly everything outside of that and the production value ranges from mediocre to terrible.
>Is it worth the watch?
Yes
>Debating whether I should waste my time with it.
No. It's not for you.
It was awesome.
It's watchable but was pretty disappointing to me
it's my least favourite of Eggers' filmography but well crafted and worth a watch. i'm willing to bet seven hundred trillion caps it's more worthy of your time than whatever else you had planned.
Why didn't it do well?
is it over for white only movies? would it have sold better had they made some vikings black?
Yea its a very good film. Could've been another hour longer easily.
It's so far the best movie of the year along with Top Gun Maverick.
if you expect some kind of great viking story you can skip it
it can basically be boiled down to this: live like a b***h die like a b***h
also eggers shows mythological imagery so literally that at some points it looks like a screensaver, or an opening for an anime. the characters all suck, the story stunk, the fight scenes blow. 3/10
My dad told me it sucked and I was like yeah ok dad and I struggled. He didn't get to the end and I did but I wish I just turned it off. I won't be watching it again for a long long time
You and your dad both suck.
No you just have a bad taste in movies. I bet you got a hard-on at that gay final fight scene
I bet your dad had a hard-on when you were sitting on his lap.
I bet your dad is your mom
I bet my dad came in your mom.
B-brother?!
Sister?