>Achilles actually had to dress like like a woman to escape Trot
Oh no no no Achillesbros, how will we ever live this down?
Hectorgays are laughing at us.
ITT:?
>Achilles actually had to dress like like a woman to escape Trot
Oh no no no Achillesbros, how will we ever live this down?
Hectorgays are laughing at us.
Hectorchads have always been laughing at you
But was he a pretty woman, walking down the street?
Dude looked like a lady
Spoiler cleopatra was a boy
What are you talking about, Achilles's trap phase was earlier before the war
Is this some retcon by Didios
>Oh no no no Achillesbros, how will we ever live this down?
frick another one of our squires like we always do?
Reminder that Patroclus is older than Achilles, so canonically Achilles is the catamite.
>Get anihilated by angry femboy who then proceeds to desecrate your body
>Need your oldass dad and b***h ass brother to placate him and avenge you
Hectorchuds, explain yourselves
>tries to desecrate body, even the gods intervene
>biggest weak spot wasn't even the heel
this cope
He was like 12 years old and and his disguise was ruined the moment he accidentally revealed his body when he was 15
>Femchilles
>Hercules becomes a maid arc
Why are writers so obsessed with turning heroes into sissy femboys?
Is it those 'Woke' Persians ruining western media?
But Femchilles still fricked his host's daughter and spawned a son
The persians aren't woke anon, they're horny. Frick, they're partially responsible for that weird hermaphrodite shit
F!Achilles looked so ugly.
He didn't escape, they just simply get rid of such an eyesore
Hades did nothing wrong
He didn't tap persephone
>Hades is a cuck
Ares chads stay winning
Ares is a b***h. What kind of god of war gets his ass kicked by mere mortals?
Hercules broke his back, fricked his ass, made him humble. Diomedes did the same.
>Ares “””””chads””””””
Ares was literally in a jar for an entire year and no one noticed lol.
>Ares chads stay winning
Unlike ares himself, who has to listen to aphrodite get UGLY BASTARDED by chadphestus every night
>Hyped up as the strongest of the Trojans and Achilles' rival
>Runs away the second Achilles goes after him
Hector sucks
>runs around the city 3 times
What did he mean by this?
>Just fight a guy who has indestructible skin like super man and you have no clue how to win against it
>Roman fanfiction
Frick off, barbaros.
I'm so sick of the mediterranean monopoly of the Big 2. When will we get non-helmet shit stories outside of Greece and Rome?
Imagine not reading Egypt tales.
>Egypt tales.
>"Unbeknownst to Set, he ate lettuce along with Horus' semen, where it was held in his body as in a woman's body for conception. In this myth, lettuce, an ancient aphrodisiac, is the tool used to submit Set to Horus's power."
At least greeks and romans TRY to disguise their writers' fetish
Please, Greeks do that shit all the time. Whomever takes the bottom position during breeding is the female.
>he doesn't import silk scrolls from Sinae
>He doesn’t listen to the witch-doctor telling stories around the campfire
Frick off with that witch-doctor shit. Now the druids at Albion, those are the real fricking stories.
Y'all need to find the Oracles.
Ain't going to any Oracles after the incident at Delphi. Those druids offer better advice than any fricking oracles.
How is it, Gaul, to get buttfricked by romans so hard you’re still coping with your made up stories and comic books millennia later?
We went wrong as a society when we started scribbling shit down on a papyrus. Bring back petroglyphs and oral history telling!
That desert tribe in Judea has some indie shit. I don't ever see it going mainstream like Greece and Rome
Do you not get scrolls from the East?
>He doesn’t import scrolls from the mythical East
see interrsting scroll
open the scroll
good morning sir
everytime
>he doesn't get his twice lunar monthly parchprogs of 200 AD straight from the Tharg East
I don't know what I'd do with my dose of Juror Dreddidius.
Agreed, its hard to get a good story nowadays and im saying this as a Bellerophon gay myself. Even when it wasent the most popular and passed around story and Icarus mogs the story I still appreciate it.
just combine the two fivehead, like Apollo and Anubis..
the only female I respect
>Be Medusa
>Be most dedicated high priest of athena
>Zuse comes in
>Zuse CUMS in
>Get defiled in temple
>Athena comes in
>'wtf, you defiled my temple'
>Turn Medusa into a gorgon
>"Wtf why am I a gorgon"
>'that's what you get roasty, peace'
>Medusa later spawns flying horse afterwards
based beyond measure.
how about you hop on your horse and raid a few cities? Maybe that will calm you down... Oh wait, you're a settled cuck? Lol, lmao
Did someone lose a Scythian slave? I'm surprised you can write.
>Ares jobs to a woman
It's over
>Pygmalion arc
Tired of this wish fufillment meta shit. Pandering at its finest.
Woke culture wants to change how women are depicted. Remember what they took from you.
Golfball face
Why did the epic of Gilgamesh failed while the Odyssey became a huge hit?
Odyssey was about a journey to return to familia
Gilgamesh was edgy gothic pickmekids trying to seem cool but being cringe
>reading Roman fanfics
No one mentioned the Aenid you Latin Looser. You got cucked by the fricking Parthians
Frick off Copiousqueer
Achilles this, Hector that. If they're so strong how come they're dead?
Meanwhile gigachad Odysseus:
>Comes up with the plan that by itself ends the war
>Is favored by best girl Athena
>Despite his other feats and character, he surpasses other heroes trough his cunningness
>The wrath of Gods can only delay his success, never deny it
>Lays witches and b***hes left and right
>Dabs on all the depressed souls in the underworld
>Only ever gets killed in a spinoff about one of his sons, the Telegony. Even then, his death parallels the top deities, Ouranos, Kronos, Zeus in terms of irony. Still lives on trough his sons and lovers, beloved by all of them.
How can any other characters even compete? With enough prep time he clears them all.
>The Odysseus who laughs
>Telegony
God, that was so shit
>Turns out Odysseus had a som with Circe nobody knew!
>Fricker kills Odysseus
>Yeah, remember Tiresias' prophecy that he'd live a long happy life? The writers sure don't
>New kid marries Penelope while Telemachus marries Circe!?
Herakles is the true gigachad of Greek myth
Odysseus would have defeted Heracles if the two lived in the same period and were to face each other. Heracles is specifically defeated trough trickery, which is what Odysseus excels at.
And Odysseus is a lot more impressive when you remember he's a humble mortal, no demigod bullshit, just a man.
Odysseus wins with 1 day prep and multiple Gods lending him favor during the fight. Otherwise Heracles curbstomps and it's really not even close to being close.
>Odysseus wins with 1 day prep
Odysseus with prep time is the Batman with prep time of greek myth
you guys would probably argue Odysseus with enough prep time could dethrone the gods of olympus themselves
>Batman
Who is this Man of Bats you speak of? You must be trippin' on some of the old wine the Oracle threw out.
>>Is favored by best girl Athena
lol
lmao even
a chaos if you will
what are you, punic?
When did busty women start appearing as statues?
Not saying they're flat or anything, just curious
Meanwhile Diomedes beat two gods and is just a normal guy.
Diomedes ain't shit without Athena to back him up.
This doesn't change the fact that he cheated on Penelope.
He was loyal in spirit, a king having some concubines is not cheating
It's good to be king
that whole situation with Polyphemus really does prove Odysseus was the smartest Greek hero.
He handled that like it was Nobody's business!
CARLOS!
DAMN IT CARLOSIUS
You God's damned Athenian sodomite! When I get my hands on you, I swear I'm going to tie a millstone around your neck and cast you into the Aegean Sea!
>makes Ajax kill himself because he's just to arrogant to let someone else take Achilles' armour
>gets entire crew killed because he's just too arrogant not to let Polyphemus know who blinded him
>makes all the sirens kill themselves because he just felt like being the first mortal to hear their song and survive, he was just too arrogant to let that opportunity slip by
Odysseus was kind of a dick
>let's pretend we're leaving an offering to the gods, so they'll take it inside their walls to the altar
Gee anon what was your first clue?
Odysseus was a different breed of Greek. His example single-handedly proved that moron strength isn't enough to win fights and wars, the aspirational Greek ideal also needed to be incredibly cunning and extremely willful. Compare him to Achilles, and you'll see the difference between a Greek who depends on prophecy, and a Greek who fulfills prophecy.
>but what about heracles
What ABOUT Heracles that dude isn't fricking human
Odysseus has that DAWG in him, the streets will always remember Big O.
Not to mention his leadership skills were godawful, almost all of his crew's deaths revolved around them being pissed off at the information he decided not to give
>makes Ajax kill himself
It was a competition, it's not his fault that Ajax was a sore loser
>gets entire crew killed
To a certain degree I agree that it's his fault for poor leadership, in another sense Poseidon really wanted to leave him without a crew. But more than anything his men were a bunch of lemmings. The second they land in a new place they immediately find a way to get themselves killed by the local environment, and they never learn from previous deaths
>first mortal to hear their song and survive
That's just based, it's not arrogance it's curiosity
No one else can do the things he does
Now that the dust has settled, it's time to admit that the Argonauts were a mistake that ruined the future of vase painting.
Don't get me wrong, it was cool to see this big scale crossover event at first. But in retrospect it set the groundwork for the senseless mess that is trying to tie in city-state heroes together. Now you have multiple writers all having a take on what the Argonaut lineup should be, with no consideration over things like timeframe, consistency or interpersonal relationships. Just no coherent vision.
And most of all, it's done. Jason completed his quest, what more do you want? There was setup before, now they are trying to catch lightning again and build up towards... what exactly? Trash, read better myths.
>writers had to come up with some bullshit reason so Heracles would ditch the rest of the Argonauts so he wouldn't be there to solve all the problems when they finally reached the fleece
Damn it, this Franchise is cursed isn't it . your post reminded me why I prefer the Odyssey...
sorry libtards, Greeks were NOT gay!
homosexual was centered around pedastry. You will not find a single source that does not say the two roles in it are erastes & eromenos. And you will not find a single source that these translate to "the lover" & "the beloved". The Greeks had several words for love and ero was the horny type.
It's not a debate that the Greeks were gay. It's just a debate about whether it was something only the upper class did or whether the lower class participated.
>"Desiring their thighs and sweet mouths"
>he means this non-sexually
lmao
why is menelaus such a b***h?
>breaks down crying because the love of his life was stolen away from him to the cruel whimsy of tyrannical stars and thousands of his citizens, friends, comrades, and neighbors have to die to get her back
Feels
All Pythagorean bros assemble. Don't let the normal gays know we're here
Beans
Helen was made for Aethopian men.
HERA IS MADE FOR MORTAL MEN!
Persia was here, Greeks are all feta eating homosexuals!
I hope your people get raped by a israeli deathcult centuries down.
Nonsense, Persia will NEVER be defeated by a bunch of dirty desert nomads!
Anyone here reading Han's myth?
What
Susano-o can beat Herakles, easily
>>>Cinemaphile stupid weebs
Pangu > anything from Wa
Source?
Greek Gods <<<<Roman Gods<<
I fricking hate Medea simps. Frick all of you, I'm travelling North-West, where the Gauls are.
Get fricked Punicpussies
Honestly Herakles is the funniest motherfricker around, all the other guys main flaw is hubris, like come on its way to fricking common. Herakles is the based angry moron who killed his teacher for being a dick.
>Be Herakles
>Agrees to go on a journey with Jason, along with inviting your best bro
>Best best bro dies at the beginning of the journey
>Leaves because you lost the will to continue
Theseus was at least better
>literally everyone else
>works harder, not smarter, nearly killing themselves in the process to prove heroics
>herakles
>diverts a stream to flood out a horse stable to wash away all the shit in it, then sunbathes
I just went to see Medea, can't believe Euripides published this Sapphic Justice Warrior bullshit.
>The Amazons were retgoned
>No oily gigadykes to get snusnu'd and facesat by
p/u/nics, what do we do?
... oh my god... this is why women couldn't show their ankles later on...
Ulyssesbros...
>that hairline
why is menelaus such a b***h?
ngmi
Poseidon is the Vegeta of the Greek pantheon.
Change my mind.
Why Poseidon? Ares fits the "prideful jobber who never wins" role much better
Poseidon is number 2, Ares is like number 6 in the Olympus.
>jobs to athena
yup
Everyone jobs to Athena, this shit is all written by east coast Athenians for the most part.
y. Spartan Chud
Zeusbro btw
Ulysses has weak atoms
Hector has strong atoms
Hector chads will always eat good
Ok everyone let’s discuss: who is best goddess?
Eris.
Athena actually
>Be the goddess of "Wisdom"
>Easily fooled by fricking Eris throwing a random ass apple in the room
>Fell for it
Yeah sure
Aphrodite and it is not close
Out of all characters, who would have made the best out of a bad situation if they were in the same position as Paris?
Let's be fair to Paris. Considering, he choose the Goddess of Love because the other options were all conquest based. Hera offering all of Asia (Anatolia) and Athena great luck in Battle. All of which would have resulted in some form of conflict. Paris just choose the least violent option, the fricker didn't know that the least violent one led to the Trojan War.
Odysseus.
I have to disagree. Sure, he could have found a loophole or got out of it, but since Athena was in the mix doing anything but choosing her was losing. He can't risk losing her grace.
Hestia.
There's a reason why everyone likes her.
If everyone likes her, why isn't she in any myths, huh? Explain this, Hestiagays
Because she never caused any drama or did the kind of raging butthole high on their own hubris and farts that other people did to get myths told about them.
Hestia was always just nice and chill and thus nobody had any tea or shit to talk about her. Can you imagine going to the amphitheater and just listening to hours of "and then Hestia was kind to Anonocles, stroking his hair and telling him everything was going to be okay. Then she served a fine meal and everyone enjoyed their evening." or "Hestia is the perfect wife: silent, demure, keeping a clean and perfect house."
But isn't Hestia an unmarried woman?
I was lead to believe she married Hercules but I find now that my source was Judean in origin. Please excuse me while I fall upon my sword as punishment for besmirching Hestia.
Herakles of course married Hebe, the virginal eternally young goddess of youth. This proves Herakles' tastes.
>Can you imagine going to the amphitheater and just listening to hours of "and then Hestia was kind to Anonocles, stroking his hair and telling him everything was going to be okay. Then she served a fine meal and everyone enjoyed their evening." or "Hestia is the perfect wife: silent, demure, keeping a clean and perfect house."
So just a slice of life series with Hestia in the main role? Sounds kino
I'd watch the shit out of such a comedy. Which troupe do you think could give us a solid performance?
Hestia #1 (literally, she’s the oldest and youngest of the gods)
Hestia is bestia
Hekate.
Bastet. Also Sekhmet.
C-Can I post my waifu, here? Without getting a ban?
Bastet and Isis
don't (You) me greekoids
Furries get out!
what about non-cat Egyptians?
Black Magic was used to paint that.
Athena has Anime Student Council President with Glasses energy
Does anybody else like femboys or is it only me
patroclus was a femboy
Achilles was a femMAN
But Achilles was the bottom in that relationship
powerbottom
realistically speaking, Helen would have probably painted her face white and had her breasts hanging out, free nips and everything
She looks like a Cretan or something. Helen is from Lacedaemon, that's why she's such a b***h.
>tfw no big tiddy mycenaen gf who brings you cake
>Troy getting sacked
>Helen's husband in such rage he's prepared to kill Helen
>She flashes her breasts and he immediately forgives her cucking him and causing so many Greeks to die
>Live in marital content never bringing up Troy
>Helen doesn't even ever provide Menelaus with a son
Is Menelaus the biggest cuck in ancient Greece?
Bro, didn't you listen to the poet when they were last reciting the Iliad at the Dionysia? Helen knew Menelaus was a man's man, that's why she told Paris he was a weak and feminine man and knew she was only with him because Aphrodite (may she never curse me in love and romance) had forced her to do it. She wanted the whole time to be split down the middle by Menelaus' proper girth.
Bros, I fricking hate those Phoenician prostitutes. All of their stories are just smut.
Write what you know, it's said
>Get some scrolls so I can read the latest trades
>Flowerly poems and depictions of the goddesses all fricking each other
>Yep, more by that Sapphos writer they hired from some fricking gayass island
That's it, I'm feeding my copies to a Crocodile.
>Getting scammed by the Phoenicians
You deserved it
>There are posters in this forum RIGHT NOW that don't have a warrior queen like Zenobia as their waifu
Shameful
>the usurper """""""""""""""""queen""""""""""""""""" Zenobia
nope.
You're right
Her actual title is Empress, boylover
Tomirys is best warriorqueen, not even simping.
Medusa did nothing wrong
She did one thing wrong
She turns my dick to stone with one look
>Medusa
You should stop listening to what oracles have to say about what political fanfiction a R*man will write 200 years from now.
>Plebbitors: TRUST THE PROPHECY! TRUST THE PROPHECY! TRUST THE PROPHECY!
>Meanwhile oracles: I discovered this in a dream.
Go back to the temple if you want to talk about that shit, here on bathroom walls only real discussion is accepted.
He did it to avoid the draft and so will you.
Looking for a copy of the Telegony, I can't seem to find one in Corinth.
Why is Apollo the best Greek husbando, no one can even compare. The Roman’s couldn’t improve him, because a he’s peak
Adonis. Even Apollo wanted Adonis.
>Inconsistent and insane power scaling
>Characters stopping mid story to explain philosophy to the reader
>Convoluted metaphysics
>Every character is an avatar/incarnation/aspect of like the same three guys
Ramayana is pretty good though I’ll give you that. Sita is a top tier waifu
>Loses rockoff aganst a faun and gets so assmad he skins it alive
More like soreloserpollo
I can fix him
You couldn't fix a wagon wheel you fricking plebian.
Your mother was a prostitute who Zeus wouldn’t rape
>No India invasion writers
>Complain about the big 2 when Ramayana and the Bhagavad Gita exists
Bros..
I HATE ATHEN-ARTS I HATE ATHEN-ARTS I HATE ATHEN-ARTS
thoughts on warrior women?
Not realistic, women are deceitful creatures who would never fight honorably.
PANDORAS BOX IS FAKE SHEEPLE ITS JUST PANDORA HERSELF
>PANDORAS BOX IS FAKE SHEEPLE ITS JUST PANDORA HERSELF
Pandora's box is just Pandora's c**t. She spread her legs, prostituted around, and caused chaos. Eventually over the years, the legend grew.
So what do you all think of Assembly women. I thank the God's everyday that it's only fiction and will never really happen. Aristophanes is such a good horror writer.
It's a satire you fricking dusty-footed shepherd. Have you ever been to Athens? You can't even strike another man's slave in the street without getting into trouble, not that it matters because the freemen all dress like slaves anyway. They might as well be run by women.
The Athenian catamites kneel before Macechads
>not that it matters because the freemen all dress like slaves anyway
Et tu, brutal
>GSL spouts some etruscan shit which his scribe poorly autotranslates
Dictation posters are the worst.
>They might as well be run by women.
I am a fellow Aristophanes chad myself.
Guys, I'm scared. Scrollmaker and copier here. My wife is an orator at the library of Alexandria, our jobs depend on a maintaining literature for society. Is this thing going to take our jobs? The guildsmen keep railing about 'automation', but surely a machine cannot print scrolls for you right.
Guys?
>umm, the printing press was not around at the same time as the library of Alexandria. For like under a thousand years.
Should've learned a math trade.
For me it’s Hermes
what the FRICK is his problem?
Fellow brothers, what great tale should I tell this really hot druid in Albion?
Just tell them the one about the figs, it always kills.
What the FRICK was his problem?
Booze, I think. Many such cases. Sad.
Huitzilopochtli is the true irredeemable butthole piece of shit. I have no idea what his motives or reasonings are.
>New World shit
Get the frick out of here. You're disgusting the Celts
MACECHADS GET IN HERE
>Leave Odin to me
Strange, I don’t know why but I have the feeling that every supporting character in this unknown monkey’s scroll will slowly but surely become completely useless as he becomes stronger and his enemies become more powerful.
Typical eastern slop, I can’t wait for there empire to collapse again
I know everyone considers Theseus and the Minotaur to be his iconic run but I still prefer the earlier stuff where he's just fighting street level serial killers like the pine tree bending guy and the innkeeper who will make you fit in his bed. Those guys are much scarier than some bull monster
>the pine tree bending guy
Wasn't that a fricking GIANT? Also heard somewhere that run was edgy as frick, where Theseus was an antihero at best.
OH NO NO NO NO NO, homosexual BROS!
WE GOT TOO wienerY!!!
Oratorbros, who has the story of Paris killing Achilles? I've been trying to hear that tale for years.
Would Zeus and Odin get along?
Their sons are both colossal frickups, so yes.
Odin would probably be put ofd by how incredibly horny Zeus is.
No. Odin is arguably even hornier.
>Óðinn, Old English and Old Saxon Woden, Old High German Wuotan, Wotan, or Wodan, Proto-Germanic *Woðanaz, “Master of Ecstasy”)
Father of more than half the pantheon, fricks jötnar all the time...
the worst part is that he had to run in high heels
Any celtic bros here? Me and my boy Brennus bout to sack this shitty place called Rome
What the actual frick was his problem?
>>>
>Anonymous 08/16/23(Wed)07:04:53 No.138861678▶
We don't talk about Skyros
Found some weird scrolls by the salty lake, anyone know if there any good ?
Put them back, it's cursed Judean magic
It's all cursed judean magic with you guys!
Orpheus was a boy loving pedophile and I'm sick of people pretending he wasn't. He deserved what he got.
Man, Theodorus the atheist is such a fricking b***h, how did he lose to a woman?
>Omnipotent and Omnipresent
What the hell were the Hebrews thinking
>Implying the Book of Daniel isn't based schizocore
Aight gays. I'm in Athens right now, give me something stupid that'll get me ostracize from the city immediately
break the dicks off all their stupid hermas
I double dog dare you to defecated in the theatre
>attend the Dionysia in Athens
>by Apollo, what is Euripides doing this year
>new play is about how Helen didn't cheat on Menelaus but was actually in Egypt the whole time (bullshit)
>the Helen in Ilium? yeah, that was a phantom and you all died for nothing lmao
>the recognition scene would have been cool if he didn't already do it in Iphigenia among the Taurians
>has to include yet another barbarian chase scene
>ends with Helen's demi-god brothers appearing out of nowhere and stopping the chase (the crane broke down and they got stuck on the roof lmao)
What is this fanfic bullshit? I wish Aeschylys were still alive.
Greeks are old and busted. The Lusiads is where it's at.
Great thread, great contributions.
Well done anons, I'm proud of you.
why even have a waifu when ZEUS already made the used goods?