So I heard that Catwoman is making a deal with all the criminals in the city so that they'll only rob rich people and leave us little people alone. I for one am happy about this, the bodega I work at hasn't been robbed in two weeks! Batman better not frick this up.
Dude, the Joker dressed up as a normal clown, infiltrated, and gassed and orphanage last week. Not to mention it's like Killer Croc is gonna share that money. You're still going to be poor and police activity is going to triple.
You know, I got a wild idea that could help us cut down on the crime. >make the burden of proof for the insanity plea match the rest of the country's >Actually make Blackgate Maximum security prison an actual maximum security instead of constantly letting villains mingle in the cafeteria. >Install security cameras and barbed wire outside of it. >Don't offer parole or early release to mass murderers and drug bosses >Instate a policy giving guards permission to shoot down suspicious unauthorized military vehicles approaching the prison or call the national guard. >Maybe actually use some of that high tech shit you keep seizing for the guards and officers you put in charge of the actual metahuman criminals, it's okay, we swear, you guys shoot civilians anyway and there's not much difference between a .45 and a freeze ray for us
We could just literally gas all the super villains
Not even joking, just re-open Dachau and gradually exterminate them until they've all been worked to death
Wayne Enterprises has been generous enough to create a foundation which helps with that sort of thing. That Wayne. Real nice guy. Way better than that Lexcorp prick. I had a cousin who worked in that company. He died in an “accident.” Weirdly, at the same time, his life insurance got switched so the company was the beneficiary. Really fricked over his wife and kids.
I wish Batman could go to Metropolis, on the other side of the river, and do something about that prick.
You should tell your cousin to take Queen's next time. That commie Ollie Queen sure is generous. Honestly, half the time you'd be wondering how he's even still in business with numbers like those
>You know, we should probably just leave this godforsaken city. >Yep, that'd be a fantastic idea. >...See you Thursday for the Gotham Very Dangerous Weapons Exhibition? >Wouldn't miss it for the world, bud!
Killing killers is still killing and is wrong. We live in a society. I for one prefer living in constant fear that the Scarecrow will poison the water and cause me to claw my son’s eyes out because I thought he was trying to eat me rather than curtail a murderous psychopath’s freedom to kill us.
YOU!! You were the one who killed Steve! The nicest fricking guy in the neighborhood! He wasn't even the fricking Joker! He was a goddamn BIRTHDAY CLOWN! HE WAS AT MY NEPHEW'S BIRTHDAY PARTY WHEN YOU GUNNED HIM DOWN YOU SICK FRICK!!!
That won't work dude. The Joker has been around since the 60s. It can't be the same guy. Have you seen Saw? I reckon old man Joker trained others to continue his legacy. Every few years a new Joker comes along so unlike the others, them and Batman fight for a year or two. They disappear, then the cycle repeats with a new clown fricker.
I just lost my job, my wife divorced me and took the kids, and my landlord is gonna evict me in a week. Im tired of this shit, im just gonna become a supervillain and gun these buttholes down. What should my gimmick be guys?
Didn't his dad have connections to the Falcone family? No way that spoiled brat is concerned with stopping crime. Hell just look at that Luther dude in Metropolis.
I've spent thousands of dollars converting every urinal on Gotham into the Joker's face. Soon everyone will have a pavlovian reaction to seeing the Joker and needing to pee on him. Joker holds someone hostage? Gets pissed on. Tries to rob a bank? Teller pees on him. Held in Arkham? You better believe that the other inmates are going to pee on him.
And soon I'll have all the toilets converted into the Joker's face, and then we shall unlock....poop.
How come we call Victor Fries MISTER Freeze???
The man's a fricking DOCTOR, he EARNED his medical degree and it will be a VERY cold day in hell before I stand for this kind of public, media-driven libel
Yeah, frick you! Imagine getting stuck up by an old lady in a diner when you just want a omelet. Luckily I tazed the b***h when she tried to rob the liquor store later.
Alright, yous fellow goons, favorite boss ya worked for.
Two Face always gave us equal pay and, if we were lucky wit the coin flip, got a double bonus!
He's a pretty decent guy half da time, too! Which is more than I can say for other guys I worked for...
My favourite boss is yours truly!
Fellow gooners, I'm starting my own gang an I'm callin myself THE GOON. Join me, and I'll see that all you gooners will finally get the equal rights you deserve. No more crap workin hours, no more crap dental, and no more possibly gettin killed by some colorful psycho on a whim. Just come join me in my Goon Cave, and we'll take over Gotham for ourselves, see?
Working at Arkham is the best! >Villain breakouts aren't your fault >Union pay >Just walk out of the way of the escaping convict and you'll live >Camera feed in the women's showers >Access to women laundry
Busted a nut in Harleys panties for WEEKS now!
Guys I'm thinking of becoming one of them super heroes like that batman fella. I don't have much in the way of money and my body isn't in the best shape since I was a linebacker at Gotham high back in the day, but I want to be the change in this city.
Gunman
You're like a normal person but with a legal concealed carry weapon as a result of some strange legal loophole that this hellhole calls a code of law.
When a badguy appears you just shoot them and then they go away!
Cobblepot's a miser while with Dent you're always a 50/50 chance away from getting retrenched via bullet
You could always work for that red helmeted c**t in Crime Alley first. Heard he doesn't kneecap you so long as you steer clear of the kiddos
...Phil left his apartment building at 2am to get to the all-night convenience store just a few blocks away.. He forgot earlier to get a quart of milk for the next morning's coffee & if it wasn't there, he'd have to buy his coffee at that overpriced shop called Jitters. The prices they charged for the same stuff he already had was just inconceivable to him.
His shift as a security guard at WayneTech wasn't for another hour, so sparing the time to run the errand seemed ok.
Once he got within sight of the shop, surprise struck. Three thugs were hanging from the nearby lamppost, upside-down & bound by some kind of thin--but strong, since it held *three* burly guys that way--rope. Just beneath them, looking up & scratching his head, a patrolman radioed in the situation.
As he approached, he got the cop's attention & silently asked if he could still go in. The cop mused for a moment, then nodded yes. Phil smiled & nodded, moving quickly to get out of the way.
Suprise struck again, when Phil walked in after the door-bell above jingled. Something dark, like a inky shadow, slowly rose, then turned it's head toward him.
Phil froze. After a few heartbeats, he meekly pointed to the nearby refrigerated display.
The shadow reached out....and handed Phil the ice-cold quart of milk. Phil took it, and the shadow dropped a pair of bills on the counter opposite him. The store owner behind the counter smiled & nodded.
Phil gave them both a thumbs-up, then got out of there quickly.
"Heh," chortled the owner. "Dat guy's gonna have a heck'of'a story ta tell t'morrah."
The shadow shrugged.
"Yer a good egg, Bats," the owner commented, then looked ata at something. "Yah sure ya don' need anyt-" When he looked back, the shadow was gone, nary a trace.The owner snorted.
Phil made it back to his apartment in record time, the door closed behind him a little louder than usual, not quite a slam. His eyes wide with realization. "They're never gonna believe me at work," he thought.
I was just jerking off, and halfway through, I noticed a bat-shaped silhouette hanging outisde my window
The frick do I do bros, my balls are getting cold here
DON’T FRICK THE GIRLS FROM SUPERBABES >Be me last night after a night of henching for Penguin >Get a little hungry, get a little horny >Go to Superbabes— food is good and the girls are pretty >Batgirl waitress at my table >Flirt with her a little, get her number >Call her later and she comes over >Put on a bad horror movie with some drinks and let her cling to me on the cheap jumpscares >Hand on her thigh, and a few minutes later we’re fricking on the couch >Finish inside her and finish the movie, and let her stay the night >In the morning she’s gone with a text about how great last night was >Go pee because alcohol and sex last night >Piss burns like hell >b***h gave me the clap
DON’T FRICK THE GIRLS FROM SUPERBABES
Hey guys I found a really easy way to get rid of criminal, some homosexual broke into my shop so I shot him, and when Batman and the cops showed up they couldn’t do shit because it was self defense.
Arkham orderly here, Joker's looking and acting a little... weird since the commissioner brought him back. Anyone know anything about this? I mean it makes my job easier but he's not normally like this, you know?
Hello police?
Once again the super criminal clown is getting into the building/factory/theater with a children's party theme to do what he does every week, why don't you just investigate and destroy these places?
The spooky one. The blonde one with purple highlights in her costume showed up later. Dude, the spooky one was fricking shredded. You can see the outlines of abs through her suit. I was probably staring a little too hard because the blonde one even teased me a little over it. She's pretty cute, honestly.
I'm not sure she'd even understand me if I asked. I overheard her saying something to the blonde Batgirl and her English is really broken, like I've heard pre-schoolers with a better grasp of the language.
Sigh, everyone's in Arkham again. How's an honest hard-working mook gonna make a living in this job market? Looks like it's gooning for Condiment King again this week, the bills ain't gonna pay themselves
You mean get horribly disfigured or mutated when Lex's new chemical weapon leaks or alien dimension beacon malfunctions again? I'll stick to the local crazies here, thank you
Just wait for Cobblepot's bribes to Blackgate's admin office to come through and then get a job with him once he's out in a couple of days. Good, mostly safe work, good pay and so long as you don't make stupid bird puns around him, he's actually a pretty fair boss.
>Be me >Work at McGotham's >Crap job but pay's decent enough I guess. >Work the Graveyard shift so I don't deal with annoying kids during day >Turn to register after hearing door bell >Welcome to McGotham's how can I- >It's the fricking Joker and his Goons >Joker walks up as I start sweating bullets, barely hiding my terror >He wants just a Cheeseburger and Coke >I take a deep breath to collect myself, take his order and money, and make the food. >Calm down more and more as Joker is behaving himself and they're all just watching the restaurant TV while waiting. >Finally have the order set and hand it to him. >Joker checks the food >"Oh my there seems to be a mistake" >I make the horrible mistake of letting my guard down and asking what I did wrong. >"You didn't CUT THE CHEESE!" >Starts laughing manically as his goons hold me in place while Joker pulls his pants down and I'm deep in his Clown Cutter as he rips the dankest, wettest fart. >I gag and fall to the ground, gasping for air. >Joker and his goons walk off, laughing all the way.
I had a similar experience around Christmas. I worked drive-thru.
>Be me >Wagecucking at McBurger over the Holidays >High af, hitting giga-bong and microdosing datura >About to clock out when manager taps shoulder >Wants me on night-shift due to schizo no-show coworker >Something bout his support group called "the body" >(No one's seen him since; lol, frick that guy) >Figure at least will get paid overtime >Put on headset and work drive thru >15 minutes later, see a dull yellow socccer-mom SUV pull up >Oh, shiddd >It's da Joka, baby >...In a Santa hat >Yep, I be trippin >Try to act like I'm not
*COUGHCOUGH* "Uh... Take you order, please?" *faaaart* >nailed it >Joker hallucination leans out to speaker >"Ooh! Yes indeedy, thank you! I'dlikethebigbeeferheavymustarddoublepicklesthreestripsofbaconmake'emcrispyranchdressingontheside..." >He's speaking at the speed of wut >Politely ask him to slow down >He doesn't >"...sideorderoffriesalsocrispyoneofthosefakepiethingieswiththeboilinghotjuiceinsidethatscaldstheroofofyourmouth -- I *love* that! -- twoofoyourspecialeggnogshakesaboy'skiddiemealandI'llpayextraforafullassortmentofthetoysthatcomewithit..." >Finally yell "Sir!" and stop him >Say he's talking way too fast and to repeat >Customer/hallucination scoffs like Jim Carrey >Screeches his car up to my window >See Robin in the passenger seat bound by Christmas lights and duct tape andan ornament in his mouth like a ballgag >He's wriggling urgently at me to do something >Can only think how badly I wanna /ss/ him >Meanwhile, Da Joka REEEs >Calls me a brain-dead cephalopod and demands to see my manager >I call him over >My boss comes zombie walking to me >"I'm sorry, sir. How may I help you?" >mfw he says this to Robin >mfw he doesn't even seem to SEE the Joker >mfw I realize he's even higher than me rn >The Joker just looks at me with this unamused glare >Pulls out a glock and shoots my boss >mfw when he then just skids away >mfw
Bruce Wayne is Batman. >he once dated Selina Kyle who is Catwoman >has four children and Batman has four Robins >is billionaire and could pay for all the shit that the Bat has
Frick that rich homosexual >have anual work meeting >wayne shows up with some luxury hookers >suddenly two face shows up with a frickton of guns >wayne runs away like the coward he is
Thank god batman showed up and saved our asses
Cooking with Alfred hasnt released a new episode in weeks. This week's recipe was supposed to be Lentil Soup, wtf bros. Dont tell me his channel got taken down.
Did anyone catch Commissioner Gordon's press briefing where he just rambled about how every citizen needs to do their part in raping the Joker? I think he may have finally lost it.
>company having a costume party for Halloween >dress as the Joker >get disgusted looks >told that Carol in HR's brother was killed by the Joker >no one will talk to me anymore
So I heard that Catwoman is making a deal with all the criminals in the city so that they'll only rob rich people and leave us little people alone. I for one am happy about this, the bodega I work at hasn't been robbed in two weeks! Batman better not frick this up.
But what happens when they run out of rich people to rob? I don't wanna get bumped up a tax bracket just from that alone
Fricking watch, Matches Malone is gonna seize this opportunity to make himself the top dog.
This plan don't logistically work at all
Dude, the Joker dressed up as a normal clown, infiltrated, and gassed and orphanage last week. Not to mention it's like Killer Croc is gonna share that money. You're still going to be poor and police activity is going to triple.
You know, I got a wild idea that could help us cut down on the crime.
>make the burden of proof for the insanity plea match the rest of the country's
>Actually make Blackgate Maximum security prison an actual maximum security instead of constantly letting villains mingle in the cafeteria.
>Install security cameras and barbed wire outside of it.
>Don't offer parole or early release to mass murderers and drug bosses
>Instate a policy giving guards permission to shoot down suspicious unauthorized military vehicles approaching the prison or call the national guard.
>Maybe actually use some of that high tech shit you keep seizing for the guards and officers you put in charge of the actual metahuman criminals, it's okay, we swear, you guys shoot civilians anyway and there's not much difference between a .45 and a freeze ray for us
Anyone else have any ideas?
We could just literally gas all the super villains
Not even joking, just re-open Dachau and gradually exterminate them until they've all been worked to death
What about jerking off them to death?
Sure, but good luck finding someone who will clean up Joker spunk
Well someone has to do it, and I know a Dr. Quinzel who has experience working with tough patients
I haven't trusted anything that anyone of those costumed weirdos said since the earthquake of '99
Small time thievery is exclusively done by bottom feeders, drug addicts, and villains looking for "raw materials" in their next artpiece crime.
WHO FRICKING REPLACED MY MILK WITH CUM?!!?!?!
Some new vegan loony from Arkham, there was a breakout last night, check the news boyo.
Brb joining GCPD to get me some clownbussy
Boys, how do I do the Gotham accent? Asking for a friend
Speak like a moron on crack
>t. Keystoner
Batman destroyed my car again.....
Is there an insurance company for bat-related collateral damage claims?
Wayne Enterprises has been generous enough to create a foundation which helps with that sort of thing. That Wayne. Real nice guy. Way better than that Lexcorp prick. I had a cousin who worked in that company. He died in an “accident.” Weirdly, at the same time, his life insurance got switched so the company was the beneficiary. Really fricked over his wife and kids.
I wish Batman could go to Metropolis, on the other side of the river, and do something about that prick.
You should tell your cousin to take Queen's next time. That commie Ollie Queen sure is generous. Honestly, half the time you'd be wondering how he's even still in business with numbers like those
> You should tell your cousin to take Queen's next time.
HE’S DEAD, YOU INSENSITIVE PRICK!! I hope Commissioner Gordon rapes you next.
Hello GCPD? I would like to report a rape
Well about that anon..
>You know, we should probably just leave this godforsaken city.
>Yep, that'd be a fantastic idea.
>...See you Thursday for the Gotham Very Dangerous Weapons Exhibition?
>Wouldn't miss it for the world, bud!
Some of you guys are alright.
Don't go near Gotham Academy tomorrow.
Does Batman have a new robin? She’s cute!
Any chance she’s just a midget instead of a regular kid?
Huh???
Oh? What is it?
>pulls out a handgun and shoots the Joker
Our long national nightmare is over!
No. Because there are just as many killers in the world.
Think about it.
And have your MIND BLOWN.
what if he keeps killing more killers before he gets killed?
Killing killers is still killing and is wrong. We live in a society. I for one prefer living in constant fear that the Scarecrow will poison the water and cause me to claw my son’s eyes out because I thought he was trying to eat me rather than curtail a murderous psychopath’s freedom to kill us.
Shouldn't you be getting ready for patrol father?
YOU!! You were the one who killed Steve! The nicest fricking guy in the neighborhood! He wasn't even the fricking Joker! He was a goddamn BIRTHDAY CLOWN! HE WAS AT MY NEPHEW'S BIRTHDAY PARTY WHEN YOU GUNNED HIM DOWN YOU SICK FRICK!!!
That won't work dude. The Joker has been around since the 60s. It can't be the same guy. Have you seen Saw? I reckon old man Joker trained others to continue his legacy. Every few years a new Joker comes along so unlike the others, them and Batman fight for a year or two. They disappear, then the cycle repeats with a new clown fricker.
Hell I swear I saw a girl Joker once.
Can't believe how much cleaner, quieter, safer and less corrupt this city is than Chicago. This was the right move to make.
Same, honestly I couldn't be happier after moving here
>t. from Detroit
My research funding got cut off, so my project is incomplete and I have no test subjects. Should I just test whatever I have left on myself?
Do it homosexual
Post livestream
I heard Robin is fricking dudes in the Marina now. And the Batgirl, the tiny blonde one, not the fat redhead, is getting gaped by the Red Hood.
Large if factual
Every cruising spot and gay bar in Gotham as at least 9 Robins fricking dudes at any given time.
>Step in a pile of shit
>It's Clayface
Can this guy frick off already?
Have you tried not stepping in shit?
Listen man these streets are fricking filthy
I just lost my job, my wife divorced me and took the kids, and my landlord is gonna evict me in a week. Im tired of this shit, im just gonna become a supervillain and gun these buttholes down. What should my gimmick be guys?
Emulate the killdozer and demolish your land lord's house and other properties.
>be bruce wayne
>parents get shot >become wimpy emo kid
>disappear for two years
>comes back fricking jacked
>when he comes back the batman starts hitting gotham immediately
>batman has literally never been seen with bruce wayne
Call me schizo but are you not seeing any sort of connection?
>rich man with childhood trauma takes it out on the poor
tale as old as time
Half of Arkham is rocking PhDs.
Didn't his dad have connections to the Falcone family? No way that spoiled brat is concerned with stopping crime. Hell just look at that Luther dude in Metropolis.
I need Harley Quinn pantyshots!
I've spent thousands of dollars converting every urinal on Gotham into the Joker's face. Soon everyone will have a pavlovian reaction to seeing the Joker and needing to pee on him. Joker holds someone hostage? Gets pissed on. Tries to rob a bank? Teller pees on him. Held in Arkham? You better believe that the other inmates are going to pee on him.
And soon I'll have all the toilets converted into the Joker's face, and then we shall unlock....poop.
Anon, you just made everyone uncomfortable with using urinals. Public urination is at an all time high.
Do you think Two Face is like that in his dick too?
I killed the Waynes AMA
Did you pee on their corpses?
No. But I touched the b***h's boobs after she broke the necklace
Lame. Go back and finish the job.
How come we call Victor Fries MISTER Freeze???
The man's a fricking DOCTOR, he EARNED his medical degree and it will be a VERY cold day in hell before I stand for this kind of public, media-driven libel
The original was never a doctor, they changed his origin in TAS.
>got my payday check
>Banks covered in green question marks again
FFS GCPD. Get some better locks on those cells already!
>homosexuals b***hing about Gotham
I'd like to see you mugs survive a week in Hub City.
Imagine how terrible a person you'd have to be to live in Hub City AND post on here
Yeah, frick you! Imagine getting stuck up by an old lady in a diner when you just want a omelet. Luckily I tazed the b***h when she tried to rob the liquor store later.
That's it! I'm moving to Central City! I can't deal with having to change apartments every two months
Work at Arkham AMA.
Is it true that Harley Quinn gangbangs happen daily whenever she's in?
Alright, yous fellow goons, favorite boss ya worked for.
Two Face always gave us equal pay and, if we were lucky wit the coin flip, got a double bonus!
He's a pretty decent guy half da time, too! Which is more than I can say for other guys I worked for...
My favourite boss is yours truly!
Fellow gooners, I'm starting my own gang an I'm callin myself THE GOON. Join me, and I'll see that all you gooners will finally get the equal rights you deserve. No more crap workin hours, no more crap dental, and no more possibly gettin killed by some colorful psycho on a whim. Just come join me in my Goon Cave, and we'll take over Gotham for ourselves, see?
They (the showrunners) never said what G.O.O.N. meant.
Grand Order of Occidental Nighthawks.
GOONERS OF GOTHAM, UNITE!
Working at Arkham is the best!
>Villain breakouts aren't your fault
>Union pay
>Just walk out of the way of the escaping convict and you'll live
>Camera feed in the women's showers
>Access to women laundry
Busted a nut in Harleys panties for WEEKS now!
YOU SICK FRICK
Look man. If I get to live AND get to see some clussy, I'll unlock Harley's door MY SELF!
Do you drug and rape the male inmates too?
Asking for a friend
Be careful, if the higher ups catch you being weird around the female inmates they put you on croc duty for a month.
How often do you think Harley been passed around?
I hear the loony b***h been a bawd since college. I'm sure half of Arkham has fricked her.
What the frick was up with that weird Bat-Joker guy anyway, I still have no idea of what that even was about
Guys I'm thinking of becoming one of them super heroes like that batman fella. I don't have much in the way of money and my body isn't in the best shape since I was a linebacker at Gotham high back in the day, but I want to be the change in this city.
Dubs decides my super hero name / theme
You're just some bat trying to lure out the Digits Man, aren't you?
You're not subtle at all
Oh my god, IT'S THE BATEMAN
I will personally find you and eviscerate you via GENOCIDE CUTTAH
Gunman
You're like a normal person but with a legal concealed carry weapon as a result of some strange legal loophole that this hellhole calls a code of law.
When a badguy appears you just shoot them and then they go away!
Guys Help me.
o think scarecroe laced my weed
AYO WTF IS THIS? I SAW BATGIRL AND BATMAN DOING IT
I'm thinking of working for Two Face or Penguin. Any anon here ever worked for either of them?
Cobblepot's a miser while with Dent you're always a 50/50 chance away from getting retrenched via bullet
You could always work for that red helmeted c**t in Crime Alley first. Heard he doesn't kneecap you so long as you steer clear of the kiddos
...Phil left his apartment building at 2am to get to the all-night convenience store just a few blocks away.. He forgot earlier to get a quart of milk for the next morning's coffee & if it wasn't there, he'd have to buy his coffee at that overpriced shop called Jitters. The prices they charged for the same stuff he already had was just inconceivable to him.
His shift as a security guard at WayneTech wasn't for another hour, so sparing the time to run the errand seemed ok.
Once he got within sight of the shop, surprise struck. Three thugs were hanging from the nearby lamppost, upside-down & bound by some kind of thin--but strong, since it held *three* burly guys that way--rope. Just beneath them, looking up & scratching his head, a patrolman radioed in the situation.
As he approached, he got the cop's attention & silently asked if he could still go in. The cop mused for a moment, then nodded yes. Phil smiled & nodded, moving quickly to get out of the way.
Suprise struck again, when Phil walked in after the door-bell above jingled. Something dark, like a inky shadow, slowly rose, then turned it's head toward him.
Phil froze. After a few heartbeats, he meekly pointed to the nearby refrigerated display.
The shadow reached out....and handed Phil the ice-cold quart of milk. Phil took it, and the shadow dropped a pair of bills on the counter opposite him. The store owner behind the counter smiled & nodded.
Phil gave them both a thumbs-up, then got out of there quickly.
"Heh," chortled the owner. "Dat guy's gonna have a heck'of'a story ta tell t'morrah."
The shadow shrugged.
"Yer a good egg, Bats," the owner commented, then looked ata at something. "Yah sure ya don' need anyt-" When he looked back, the shadow was gone, nary a trace.The owner snorted.
Phil made it back to his apartment in record time, the door closed behind him a little louder than usual, not quite a slam. His eyes wide with realization. "They're never gonna believe me at work," he thought.
>Meanwhile in Gotham...
What's happening? Batman is getting his ass kicked again?
I was just jerking off, and halfway through, I noticed a bat-shaped silhouette hanging outisde my window
The frick do I do bros, my balls are getting cold here
So how do you get a job as a henchman?
I lost my job and need the money.
DON’T FRICK THE GIRLS FROM SUPERBABES
>Be me last night after a night of henching for Penguin
>Get a little hungry, get a little horny
>Go to Superbabes— food is good and the girls are pretty
>Batgirl waitress at my table
>Flirt with her a little, get her number
>Call her later and she comes over
>Put on a bad horror movie with some drinks and let her cling to me on the cheap jumpscares
>Hand on her thigh, and a few minutes later we’re fricking on the couch
>Finish inside her and finish the movie, and let her stay the night
>In the morning she’s gone with a text about how great last night was
>Go pee because alcohol and sex last night
>Piss burns like hell
>b***h gave me the clap
DON’T FRICK THE GIRLS FROM SUPERBABES
Me and Pamela Ivy are getting married! Please send fertilizer as gifts please.
Hey guys I found a really easy way to get rid of criminal, some homosexual broke into my shop so I shot him, and when Batman and the cops showed up they couldn’t do shit because it was self defense.
Arkham orderly here, Joker's looking and acting a little... weird since the commissioner brought him back. Anyone know anything about this? I mean it makes my job easier but he's not normally like this, you know?
Don't worry about it son. The Commish is just doin the lord's work. Be glad he has his hands full with the clown and that you're beneath his notice
Weird as in screaming not to touch me?
Bless commissioner gordon maybe he should do riddler next?
HEY GUYS, I'VE GOT AN IDEA! LET'S STEAL A WHOOOOOOOOOOOLE BUNCH OF PENNIES...BECAUSE IT'LL BE FUNNY AND NO ONE WILL MISS $100,000 WORTH OF PENNIES!
I just saw a penguin waddling past the bus stop outside my flat
Hello police?
Once again the super criminal clown is getting into the building/factory/theater with a children's party theme to do what he does every week, why don't you just investigate and destroy these places?
That's like 60% of the city buddy
Got saved by Batgirl. AMA
Did you cop a feel
Which one? The blonde, the ginger, the other blonde, the other ginger or the spooky one?
The spooky one. The blonde one with purple highlights in her costume showed up later. Dude, the spooky one was fricking shredded. You can see the outlines of abs through her suit. I was probably staring a little too hard because the blonde one even teased me a little over it. She's pretty cute, honestly.
I've heard that she'll let you feel her abs of you ask nicely.
BRB gonna go get robbed
I *will* touch her abs
I'm not sure she'd even understand me if I asked. I overheard her saying something to the blonde Batgirl and her English is really broken, like I've heard pre-schoolers with a better grasp of the language.
I got saved by Scary Batgirl, and Blonde Batgirl laughed at me when I got a boner.
Should I use joker venom to counteract fear toxin? Asking for a friend
...Maps is onto something!
Is she staring at a dick?
Sigh, everyone's in Arkham again. How's an honest hard-working mook gonna make a living in this job market? Looks like it's gooning for Condiment King again this week, the bills ain't gonna pay themselves
Move to Metropolis idiot. Get a job at LexCorp and be happy
You mean get horribly disfigured or mutated when Lex's new chemical weapon leaks or alien dimension beacon malfunctions again? I'll stick to the local crazies here, thank you
Just wait for Cobblepot's bribes to Blackgate's admin office to come through and then get a job with him once he's out in a couple of days. Good, mostly safe work, good pay and so long as you don't make stupid bird puns around him, he's actually a pretty fair boss.
>Be me, henchman thug
>Some dumbass tourist is wearing this shirt
>Easy mark for a mugging
Sheesh, some lifeforms can't take a joke.
>Be me
>Work at McGotham's
>Crap job but pay's decent enough I guess.
>Work the Graveyard shift so I don't deal with annoying kids during day
>Turn to register after hearing door bell
>Welcome to McGotham's how can I-
>It's the fricking Joker and his Goons
>Joker walks up as I start sweating bullets, barely hiding my terror
>He wants just a Cheeseburger and Coke
>I take a deep breath to collect myself, take his order and money, and make the food.
>Calm down more and more as Joker is behaving himself and they're all just watching the restaurant TV while waiting.
>Finally have the order set and hand it to him.
>Joker checks the food
>"Oh my there seems to be a mistake"
>I make the horrible mistake of letting my guard down and asking what I did wrong.
>"You didn't CUT THE CHEESE!"
>Starts laughing manically as his goons hold me in place while Joker pulls his pants down and I'm deep in his Clown Cutter as he rips the dankest, wettest fart.
>I gag and fall to the ground, gasping for air.
>Joker and his goons walk off, laughing all the way.
Christ I hate this fricking town.
Deserved.
had it been harley you’d be celebrating, serves you gothamites right for your degeneracy.
I had a similar experience around Christmas. I worked drive-thru.
>Be me
>Wagecucking at McBurger over the Holidays
>High af, hitting giga-bong and microdosing datura
>About to clock out when manager taps shoulder
>Wants me on night-shift due to schizo no-show coworker
>Something bout his support group called "the body"
>(No one's seen him since; lol, frick that guy)
>Figure at least will get paid overtime
>Put on headset and work drive thru
>15 minutes later, see a dull yellow socccer-mom SUV pull up
>Oh, shiddd
>It's da Joka, baby
>...In a Santa hat
>Yep, I be trippin
>Try to act like I'm not
*COUGHCOUGH* "Uh... Take you order, please?" *faaaart*
>nailed it
>Joker hallucination leans out to speaker
>"Ooh! Yes indeedy, thank you! I'dlikethebigbeeferheavymustarddoublepicklesthreestripsofbaconmake'emcrispyranchdressingontheside..."
>He's speaking at the speed of wut
>Politely ask him to slow down
>He doesn't
>"...sideorderoffriesalsocrispyoneofthosefakepiethingieswiththeboilinghotjuiceinsidethatscaldstheroofofyourmouth -- I *love* that! -- twoofoyourspecialeggnogshakesaboy'skiddiemealandI'llpayextraforafullassortmentofthetoysthatcomewithit..."
>Finally yell "Sir!" and stop him
>Say he's talking way too fast and to repeat
>Customer/hallucination scoffs like Jim Carrey
>Screeches his car up to my window
>See Robin in the passenger seat bound by Christmas lights and duct tape andan ornament in his mouth like a ballgag
>He's wriggling urgently at me to do something
>Can only think how badly I wanna /ss/ him
>Meanwhile, Da Joka REEEs
>Calls me a brain-dead cephalopod and demands to see my manager
>I call him over
>My boss comes zombie walking to me
>"I'm sorry, sir. How may I help you?"
>mfw he says this to Robin
>mfw he doesn't even seem to SEE the Joker
>mfw I realize he's even higher than me rn
>The Joker just looks at me with this unamused glare
>Pulls out a glock and shoots my boss
>mfw when he then just skids away
>mfw
Turns out I wasn't hallucinating.
Why aren't these fricking villain sent to the electric chair already?! Frick's sake sometimes Gotham deserves it's residents
Do you guys ever wonder if the bats lurk these threads to get intel on what you lowlifes do on a nightly basis?
Please, if the bat wanted me he’d have gotten me by now. Me pushing crates and blasting other thugs isn’t important enough for him.
Bruce Wayne is Batman.
>he once dated Selina Kyle who is Catwoman
>has four children and Batman has four Robins
>is billionaire and could pay for all the shit that the Bat has
Frick that rich homosexual
>have anual work meeting
>wayne shows up with some luxury hookers
>suddenly two face shows up with a frickton of guns
>wayne runs away like the coward he is
Thank god batman showed up and saved our asses
Cooking with Alfred hasnt released a new episode in weeks. This week's recipe was supposed to be Lentil Soup, wtf bros. Dont tell me his channel got taken down.
He probably was going to tell the World about Mr wayne being a pedo and wayne wasnt having that
I'm surprised that Wayne is a pedo considering his parents were murdered by the Court of Owls for trying to reveal the pedo elite of Gotham
>he believes in the court of owls
Cmon man…
Did anyone catch Commissioner Gordon's press briefing where he just rambled about how every citizen needs to do their part in raping the Joker? I think he may have finally lost it.
i dont know, he was making alot of sense. the joker cant joke if he's the joke
I thought that was the goal of the failed Make The Joker Have A Boner initiative?
no no, studies show that rape is a topic that kills any comedy bit, so if you attempt rape on the joker, he loses his comedy powers.
The Justice League are c**ts.
>Superman throws my car at some monster attacking the city
>He missed
>He fricking missed
>Didn’t even replace it
>company having a costume party for Halloween
>dress as the Joker
>get disgusted looks
>told that Carol in HR's brother was killed by the Joker
>no one will talk to me anymore
I heard Bruce Wayne knocked up some Middle Eastern chick and how he's forced to raise the mongrel up. Lmao
Bruce Wayne is a sick man. I bet that son of his will show up dressed like a troony just like the children of those sickos from hollywood