>In 1973, pregnant scientist Constance Webb (Kerry Bishé) is in Peru searching for a rare spider when her guide Ezekiel Sims (Tahar Rahim) betrays and shoots her to steal the spider for himself.
>The dying Constance is found by Santiago (José María Yazpik), the leader of Las Arañas, a tribe of Spider-Men who protect the rainforest.
>Santiago allows the spiders to bite Constance and delivers her daughter Cassandra before she dies. He sends Cassandra to New York City, where she grows up in foster care.
>In 2003, Cassie (Dakota Johnson) is a misanthropic paramedic partnered with Ben Parker (Adam Scott), who is caring for his pregnant sister-in-law Mary Parker (Emma Roberts) while his brother Richard is away on a business trip.
>While rescuing a man from a car crash, Cassie falls into the river and nearly drowns before Ben rescues her. The incident activates Cassie’s latent psychic powers and she begins having visions ranging from 30 seconds to five minutes into the future.
>Meanwhile, Ezekiel has somehow used the spider’s venom to become a billionaire and acquire spider-like abilities, including a poisonous touch, but he is also haunted by prophetic dreams in which he dies in battle against three Spider-Women.
>Ezekiel identifies the Spider-Women as Julia Cornwall (Sydney Sweeney), Anya Corazón (Isabela Merced) and Mattie Franklin (Celeste O’Connor), three teenagers who have crossed paths with Cassie at various points, and sets out to kill them first.
>Cassie has a vision of Ezekiel attacking Julia, Anya and Mattie on the subway and rescues them. They flee into the woods, where Cassie explains her powers, and later hide in a nearby diner, where Ezekiel attacks them again, but they manage to escape.
>Cassie recognizes Ezekiel and leaves the girls with Ben and Mary while she travels to Peru and meets Santiago, who reveals that Constance was searching for a cure for a neuromuscular disease that Cassie had been diagnosed with, which the spider bites cured.
>Santiago teaches Cassie to astral project and tells her “when you accept responsibility, great power will come.” Meanwhile, Ezekiel locates the girls just as Mary goes into labor and Ben rushes her to the hospital, where she gives birth to Peter Parker.
>Cassie rescues Julia, Anya and Mattie and they lure Ezekiel into a final confrontation at a fireworks factory, where Cassie astral-projects and saves Julia, Anya and Mattie while also fighting Ezekiel, who is crushed to death by a falling neon Pepsi sign.
>One of the fireworks explodes in Cassie’s face and she falls into the river, where she is paralyzed by a piece of debris before the girls rescue and resuscitate her.
>Several months later, Cassie – now blind and wheelchair-bound – shares an apartment with the girls, and has a vision of the four of them suited up and fighting crime as Madame Web and the Spider-Woman. She remarks that the future looks bright, and they all live happily ever after.
>THE END.
>“when you accept responsibility, great power will come.”
HAHAHAHA SONY IS moronic
>crushed to death by a falling neon Pepsi sign
This sounds hilarious
Here's Madame Web's very first vision in which she sees the neon "S" that will bring about Ezekiel's doom.
Where the frick is the cam? This shis has been out for like 6 hours at this point.
It's not an "s". In her planet, it stands for mommy.
He gets knocked by the S, then gets crushed by the P.
SP...mmmhh I wonder what it means.
Supes Porn
There is a lot of Pepsi shilling in this movie for some reason.
>For some reason
Man Of Steel was paid for before it even released thanks to product placement
Can't be worse than MCU spiderman lol
SUMC Cost Fallacy.
Is this a jojo reference
Another shameless advertisement that if you don't drink sugary drinks, you die.
>who is crushed to death by a falling neon Pepsi sign.
This is a joke right
meanwhile you clapped and soifaced when you saw Deadpool fighting in the ruins of the 20th Century Fox sign
you mad, sony exec?
Did that happen? I'm pretty sure I watched both Deadpool movies but I don't remember that.
9.5/10
It's in the new one's trailer.
I did?
>and has a vision of the four of them suited up and fighting crime as Madame Web and the Spider-Woman. She remarks that the future looks bright
Why couldn't this be the movie?
Too expensive, pls understand
Good question for another time
All they know is orgin movies
How was the unborn child diagnosed with a neuromuscular disease god frick these people
I think it's a typo by OP, I also got locked into that
The reasoning doesn't even make sense
>There's a spider bite that heals babies
???
That's worse than astral cards and homeopathic water
It's a magic spider with peptides that can heal anything.
>“when you accept responsibility, great power will come.”
there is no way this is real
Wait wait wait.
Did Sony just do THE EXACT SAME THING as Amazing Spiderman 2 where they put the Rhino in all the advertising but that's literally 30 seconds before the credits? Because it seems like the Spiderwomen scene is THE EXACT SAME thing.
You should be able to sue companies for this level of misleading advertising.
It's worse
It's as if, on top of that, the Rhino scene was just a vision and he never really happened
Jesus this HAS to break some sort of laws right? Like they put the final scenes into the trailer to give the impression that at some point the spidergirls would suit up and fight crime. Though I DID wonder where the suits etc were coming from for these girls when I first saw the trailer.
And now I know - it's a fakeout.
Yes. It's a 40 second scene.
Only 40 seconds of the girl's in spandex?
Are Sony stupid? If you give audiences lots of Sweeney and Merced in spandex, they will come (and cum).
Funny how advertisers know what is money but studio dosent know
So they just stole from Peter a compelling character who sacrifices himself in an act of redemption, and turned him into a generic evil male man.
What do you mean? Peter Parker is a baby in this movie.
Anon, we're talking about Ezekiel. This movie did him incredibly dirty.
Ah, I misread.
Just kill the director first.
>Final confrontation at a fireworks factory
Madame Web died on the way back to her home planet
>Santiago teaches Cassie to astral project and tells her “when you accept responsibility, great power will come.”
I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF
there must be a reason they did so much promotion in mexico and brazil, right? was the whole movie just conceived for non english audiences? is this a viable strategy?
i legit only saw this shilled on twitch ads over here in hueland
>which the spider bites cured
MORE SPIDER BITES
Is this moronic plot supposed to be tied to the MCU now?
Not on my watch
Sony is trying as hard as they can to pretend these movies are MCU related. So much so they’re going behind Marvel’s back to add “continuity” that literally makes no sense if you think about it for more than 5 seconds
Where.. were is the action at? what's this shit?
>who is crushed to death by a falling neon Pepsi sign.
i clapped
>yfw the answer is spider bites
>Cassie astral-projects and saves Julia, Anya and Mattie while also fighting Ezekiel, who is crushed to death by a falling neon Pepsi sign.
le feminism and le corporation defeats le evil.
If this doesn't get you standing on your feet and slapping your hands together, I dont know what will lads!!!!!
>tells her “when you accept responsibility, great power will come.”
NO
NO
FRICK THESE PRICKS
GOD FRICKING DAMN IT FRICK
>where Cassie astral-projects and saves Julia, Anya and Mattie while also fighting Ezekiel, who is crushed to death by a falling neon Pepsi sign.
[Cassie surveys Ezekiel's crushed body off screen and smirks]
"Pop goes Ezekiel."
How can Marvel even compete?
So this Spider-Man spinoff introduces four spider-themed heroes and one villain before Spider-Man even exists?
That's uhhhhh a choice, surely.
Except according to this synopsis they don't even become spider heroes. The whole movie sounds like 1 long end credit scene.
Mouthbreathing morons were gobbling up Spiderverse slop telling them LE ANYONE CAN WEAR THE MASK and this is the conclusion of this concept. Literally everyone will wear the mask and you will be happy.
In the future, everyone will be f̶a̶m̶o̶u̶s̶ SpiderPerson for fifteen minutes.
>The incident activates Cassie’s latent psychic powers
Why?
NDEs squirt a bunch of DMT into your brain, so probably that. And the magic spider-mojo she already had from her mother getting bit.
The bulb-headed kid in Akira had the same thing happen (except a little psychic kid blasts him off his motorbike), so I presume they're just ripping that off.
Thanks, Joe Rogan!
In the movie does the pregnant scientist have a visible outie? clothed or not its very important i know this
Prophecy is the laziest resource in a storyteller's tools. Oh, the villain sees his death in the future and starts the events that will culminate in his death. The heroes see that they become heroes in the future, so they do.
Only a handful of stories actually pull it off and it turns the vast majority that use it into fricking dogshit.
>Prophecy is the laziest resource in a storyteller's tools.
is it? is it lazier than breasts?
breasts at least keep my attention
homie it's a staple of classical greek works.
so? there's no good greek stories
moron. You don't even know what you're talking about
But through a time machine in the mix and you're Shane Carruth.
>Plot Summary
WHO FRICKING CARES? BUY AN AD YOU SHILL.
Meds.
If they really wanted a Madame Web movie why not just have a movie about Morlun hunting an unborn Peter Parker and Madame Web recruiting people from across the spider-verse to stop him.
Like a mix of The Terminator and the 90s cartoon.
They could have kept the same cast and stuff but with actual Spider-Women action (instead of just that one scene from the trailers), a multiverse angle (which is what Web is largely known for), and a meaningful connection to Peter instead of just randomly having Uncle Ben there.
That was reportedly the original plan, hence the fairly famous Emma Roberts playing Peter's pregnant mom, which amounts to little more than a cameo in the final version. But the script was heavily rewritten during production for unknown reasons into what the movie ultimately became.
Damn. Didn't the same thing happen to Morbius? I recall the trailer explicitly having a shot with Tobey's Spider-Man on the wall
That was just a placeholder, but yes, at one point it was supposedly to explicitly take place in the MCU. One of the main reasons why Marvel went all-in on the Multiverse concept is so they wouldn't get saddled with Sony's baggage and could just shuffle everything off into another universe while still giving them the crossovers they crave to let Marvel keep using Spider-Man in the MCU.
Because they couldn't decide which Spidey to use.
Then just use a variant of a spidey suit but keep the damn spidey unmasked? That way they can pull it off in the sequel, and it's *gasp* the guy they just now decided to go with, all along?
sounds like they purposely made the movie bad, so there was no chance we got anything good, spiteful c**ts
The suits were just a bait and switch?
It is like they went out of their way to fail.
Too expensive for cheap Sony
Do it for Sydney
>villain is killed by product placement
Incredible. I couldn't come up with something so shameless if I tried.
There was no reason in this movie at all. Why was Ezekiel evil? Why was Cassandra Webb and Ben Parker working together as ambulance drivers? Why did Ezekiel see visions of future Spider-Women killing him in a team-up?
Excluding literally everything else calling the woman who can see the future “Cassandra” is such dog shit fricking writing the person who did it deserves to have their head kicked into a brick wall
>who is caring for his pregnant sister-in-law Mary Parker
Anyone read Trouble?
Shut the frick up. We don’t talk about it outside storytime of pain Black person
That's cool OP but is the film fappable?
Not really. Which is a shame because they could've made it so.
this sounds hilarious
>r*ddit
Go back, Black person
>How dare you post comments from another echo chamber in OUR echo chamber!
Why do you gaydditors always seethe about this? Just take the L and move on. Also:
>Cinemaphile
>echo chamber
Black person please, Cinemaphile is overall the -least- echo-chambery online discussion platform in the entirety of the internet.
I love how every time so shitty woke diversity movie comes out that is so bad that the leftists can’t even deny it they always make sure to specify that the Black person was the best part of the movie lol
lol you just made me realize how much this actually happens.
>writers strike for better pay and rights
>pumps out shit like this
and why were we supportive of them again?
It's this or AI.
AI don't see why not, Ai don't see a problem there.
AI could unironically write a better movie
We were supportive of them?
>we
So the executive who hired them, any interference from the production company, and all approval decisions they made are all totally blameless? They had nothing to do with it being bad?
I can think of multiple other theories why these movies fail.
1. It's a tax write-off
2. They wanted it to fail so they could use it as an excuse to not make more.
3. They are incompetent.
>Oh, so it's the WRITER'S fault when the writing is bad???
Yes.
>Tax write-off
- You can't write off something you've released
- You lose money on tax write-offs, just not as much as you're expecting to lose by releasing it
>It's an excuse to not make any more
THEY'RE THE ONES MAKING THE DECISION TO MAKE THESE... They're trying to convince themselves? By burning possibly a hundred million dollars?
>They are incompetent
You're listing "other" theories, anon - that is the original theory.
In summary, on this board of morons, this may actually be the most purely and comprehensively moronic post in years.
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Who hired the writers?
Some projects are wealth transfer. When company is cash rich and you need excuse to transfer some of that to your friends. You do what ever project for that.
Netflix and amazon have those.
I doubt Sony is doing that. Becouse they are such clusterfrick and not cash rich.
The reason they had the strike at all is because studios have been axing writing teams and minimizing their impact for like 3 decades now. This movie was written either during or before the strike most like, and passed through 15 focus group and Paul from marketing.
>There are a few nice shots.. I guess??
The whole film was actually shot very well. Kudos to Mauro Fiore, but he's a pro. He's shot Avatar, Training Day, No Way Home, The Island etc.
>Reddit
>I LIKED THE BROWN PEOPLE!!!!!!!
Tiresome.
>Characters talk like human beings never do
You mean like that?
>theres no suited up scene in the movie
Lmao what
Another Surf Dracula incident.
>stockings and glasses get up is le bad
Frick off that was based
I don't think there were any screener leaks
That bit and the need to immediately praise the nog are Pure Reddit
>There's no "have sex" scene
Should've led with that
>Spider-women never suit up
>There's no "have sex" scene
it's dead in the fricking water
>into a final confrontation at a fireworks factory
>crushed to death by a falling neon Pepsi sign
...Sooooo... This movie is meant as a joke, right?
My conspiracy theory is that someone at Marvel wants to use Madame Web and the spiderwomen later, but since Sony got dibs, they had eat shit but then a light bulb went on, and subterfuge the hiring of the worst people possible to write and direct this mess to sabotage it. I can't find another reasonable explanation.
I would believe this one IF constant reboots weren't a thing, but they are
They literally rebooted the main character, the Spiderman franchise, why would they be "locked to a bad perception" of an absolutely secondary and tangentian character
No, no, I mean they will take those failed roles and used them again in their movies with no connections to that film. As in, the casting remains the same but they bring them over.
Should I go and see this? I have 3 free amc tickets. I was going to see iron claw last weekend but never went. I would go to see IC but it comes out on digital.
Hell no, but depends on what else is there to see. What are your options?
A lot of movies are available, the ones I’m interested in are Iron Claw, poor things, and the Sydney Sweeney romcom. I’d watch madame web just for jokes and because I’m probably never going to see it otherwise.
Madame Web is not trashkino, just trash... so unless you're going with 2 friends you can literally and explicitly mock the movie while watching it, you'll just get bored and exasperated.
>poor things
I watched it. It's barely entertaining smut with nothing that you gain from watching it on the big screen.
>the Sydney Sweeney romcom
Haven't seen it yet, but romcoms are never worth a ticket unless you're going with a woman and as a date.
>Iron Claw
Haven't seen it either yet, but based on the trailer this seems like the clear choice. You mentioned it's releasing digitally soon too, but it does seem the kind of flick that you do gain from watching on a big screen and top audio.
Im really in the mood to go to the theater, not dying to see any movies out tho. I'll probably see Iron Claw, just feel guilty about using a ticket if its on 123 movies lol. But I've been planning on seeing it for a while now.
im interested in the other films except for madame web, but I can wait for them to come out on netflix or something.
The issue is that some movies are -worth- paying a ticket for because the big screen and $100k audio systems can really enhance a movie, and while Madame Web would qualify, it's SO bad that it's just enhanced shit, like instead of walking near a wet dog turd, now you have to be locked in a room with it.
It was a moment. I didn't count but it must have been less than a minute. It's a "vision" of the future. What you see in the trailer is practically all there is, but from more angles.
>peruvian spidermen
>5 different shitty writers
>woman TV director
Yeah, this is going to be a Franken-script shitshow disaster.
> Burk Sharpless
When the writer falls prey to nominative determinism.
Can't believe they yassified her name into "Cassie". Cassandra is a prophet and a classical name. "Cassie" gives handjobs in the back of her dad's pickup truck
>Can see the future
>Ben Parker saved her life
>Mary Parker did her a real solid
>Doesn't have any advice for them
What a b***h
All they really had to do was have the movie focus on the girls in costumes instead of for 45 seconds.
They need to give her an action figure with removable clothes like this Gwen Stacy toybiz figure
She should've been Black Cat. What a waste.
I REALLY wish at some point we'd just get a spiderman movie where Peter Parker gets to be cool and happy and save the day.
All of these misc spider characters that totally existed before Peter or are alternate versions of him feel really disrespectful.
Though disrespectful is the name of the game because I don't know a time in the comics where Peter hasn't been cucked, murdered, talked down to, or treated like shit rather than just allowed to be a hero. Mother fricker is one of THE smartest characters in-universe and is always shat on by everyone around him. He should be living like Tony Stark with someone who actually loves him because MJ and Gwen have turned into total buttholes. Peter don't need that because he's the prize.
>spiderman
>Peter Parker gets to be cool and happy
pick one
I know, I know. But Peter Parker's life seems to be nothing but pain. It's practically a drama series set within superhero genre. Hell there were entire storylines where he didn't dress as spiderman basically at all and spent his entire time dealing with trauma.
Really fricking weird direction to take your most iconic and profitable character (at least pre MCU).
Their theory is that Spiderman is so popular because he's schlubby and unlucky and relatable.
wasn't one the marvels enough?
didn't they reshoot it because they gave up on casting andrew garfield or was it the zoomer
So, what's the origin of the spider-girls?
We literally don't know because that's not in the movie. We never see the 3 of them show their powers because they don't have any within the movie. The "suit up" part is a vision of Madame Web's at the end of the movie that lasts less than a minute and it's just them with their suits doing camera angles.
I'm not joking.
Jesus, Sony truly is the dumbest studio in Hollywood.
They can't do anything right.
These emails were gold. I still got 'em all.
>10.5Gb
Please give a link
Oh my gosh take me back take me back.
I got these immediately when they leaked. It was years ago. I guess the could still be a torrent up somewhere. Just search for it.
I really want to delve into that stuff someday. I downloaded it back then and spent maybe half an hour bopping around in there looking for screenplay pdfs. All I remember is seeing some famous people’s email addresses and Terry Zwigoff begging for work.
Used to be a website that let you search them via keyword, tons of emails had 'israel' in the text
Why there isnt movie about those leaks?
Whole thing how sony let moronic comedian to turn nothing burger comedy to jab at north korea. Leading to diplomatic incident. With both japanes PM and WH stepping in.
And eventually to these leaks.
My favorite part is how only time Amy Pascal ever had interactions with CEO sony was when he got mad to sony pictures over whole thing
So you dont have shit, gotcha.
Wow, that's embarrassing for them.
How does the Spiderman-Without-Spidermanverse still even exist?
>Why are they still making profitable films?
Venom made crazy money, and even Morbius was profitable... Why would they stop riding the coattails of the most profitable character in history?
>pregnant scientist
had to stop reading there
this sounds like a funny movie and I don't want to spoil all the jokes
So are the young frickmeat in the movie at all, or is it just Dakota the whole time, with a vision at the very end?
Can't wait for all the b***hing from the writers and director about "sexism" being the reason the movie did poorly.
>AAAHHH THE IMAGINARY SCENARIOS IN MY HEAD
You're right - such a ridiculous thing would never ever ever ever occur.
LMAOOOO how do they expect anyone to take this shit seriously?
>generic and amateur "superhero" costume design with goggles that totally hide their identity
>le "super srs and empowered face"
>ridiculously goofy hairstyle on the left
You're describing the last 15 years of cinema, anon.
Thttps://www.telegraph.co.uk/films/0/madame-web-review-dakota-johnson-spider-man/
telegraph just nuked it, holy shit
>developed the classic spider-like ability to be able to see into the future.
She perfected the Spider-sense
In my local grocery store I saw one of those special magazines that they always release along side a new movie.
The Complete Guide to Madame Web.
It was 100 pages. 30 of those pages were for Madame Web and the other 70 pages they had to fill by talking about every other marvel movie.
Blows my mind that WB deemed that Wile E Coyote movie so unwatchable that it will never see the light of day but Sony is still trying to make “Spider-Man without Spider-Man” work
>We need a $100 million bomb STAT
>They've already here and submitted a first draft finished sir!
Oh my ESL!
he missed 're don't be so dramatic..
WOW
such diversity
where's Peni Parker?
Comic books are for fat morons, this reads like YA girlie fiction, coexistence not found. Unless the audience is lumpy transgenders? Check the focus group.
There is a scene where Web says to Ben Parker "what you’ve never been shot at in Queens before?"
bruh moment
true if big
>I don't want to be a dad, I'd rather just be an Uncle Ben
BRAVO SONY BRAVO
BRAVISSIMO
>a tribe of Spider-Men who protect the rainforest
stopped right there
Sony clearly is making shit movies trying to bait Marvel into outright buying the Spider rights back at a premium. It's a complicated hostage situation where they can drag the brand in the mud and publicly erode trust in it until Marvel finally caves in.
One only? Where are Madamn Webms?
I like the part where the three "high schoolers" who are supposed to be hiding out decide to go to a diner and randomly dance on top of a table together
How old are the teen characters?
Two paragraphs in and I'm already filtered.
Modern cinema is allergic to starring white males as protagonists
Argylle and The Beekeeper just came out, anon
as a character work, this is at least a 7. the villain was by far the worst part. ironically, i believe everyone hates this movie because it's not capeshit enough
The masses love to collectively hate things. Once something is deemed acceptable to hate, the bandwagoning begins. It will be impossible to hear reasonable opinions of this until it gets reappraised in 5 or 10 years. It's a smug feel to enjoy these movies knowing that the midwits will act like they always thought it was good in time.
I don't think that they can beat Morbius. Morbius was awful, but so bad it's good. Madam Web is just fricking nothing at all, just a thing that happened.
Morbius is art. It's uncanny valley of superhero movies. It feels like it wasn't made by humans.
This just sounds regular bad.
>evil_superman_collage.jpeg
how is Into the Spiderverse that good if everyone at Sony is moronic
They didn't think anyone was interested in animated spider movie and let Lord & Miller do what they wanted.
Does she at least say "it's webbing time", before webbing all over the bad guys?
No but she teaches the girls how to give cpr, which someone is gonna edit into a handjob .webm.
All i need no know is how many sex scenes are there of Sydney and Moner. And preferably one big lesbian one they have together, in blue is the warmest color style.
There is zero (0) male pandering in this movie. Literally, LITERALLY, everything you see in the trailer is what you get.
Frick! I hope the profit makes them Snoy Seethe then.
>make a movie that is purposefully unappealing to men
>it flops, for that reason and many others
Hehe, take that, MEN
you guys don't like pepsi or something?
way better than coke imo
Built for BBC (big blue can)
So a movie of
Men are bad
Women are victim but strong together
Violence is a big no no so no fights
in a nutshell
Could've just copied spider man 1 with a woman but they did this madame web shit instead. Sony should be razed to the ground
>Spider-women never suit up
Who is this movie made for? If you take your kid to see a Spider-Man movie and the character doesn't wear the costume or do any real spider-style fighting outside of a 40-second dream sequence they'd fricking riot.
The shot of Sweeney in costume descending from the web upside-down is apparently something Sweeney herself asked to do. It didn't even occur to the filmmakers to have her do that until the actor came up with the idea and insisted on it.
If only they let her get naked like she wanted to
Reminder
>Sony is making a Kraven solo origin movie where he hates hunting and refuses to use weapons (because the actor is a vegetarian who forced the studio into making Kraven a pacifist who doesn't hurt animals)
>Sony considered making an aunt May solo origin movie
Wake me up when there is an edit of the movie with just scenes of Sydney.
worst comicbook movie eveeer bla bla, critics are so dumb, it is totally watchable just a bit campy so what ,lmao , watching it right now, thnx slotlights homie kek