Cinemaphile celebrates the defeat of the insidious Reverse Flash after a grueling battle that called for the aid of no less than Bueno Excellente, Jared from Subway, God-Man, Vince McMahon and a myriad of determined anons in a desperate skirmish to rescue Farmanon and Frostanon from the dark timelines they were imprisoned in.
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I'm still with Zatanna, and she's watching this thread with me.
Here's a promo pic of her from her show.
Use your influence to make her grow her hair back out anon. Hell she can probably do it right now with a spell.
Well that picture was from a show from...last year, I think? She's grown it out in pic related. It's from a show from just before the 4th of July this year. Ah, and what she did with that hat afterwards...Man, that was a night.
I have been informed not to say anything more about that hat.
I'm sorry, I meant to say that that promo pic I first sent was from last year's tour, when she tried for a different look. She threatened to turn me into a rabbit again if I didn't correct myself.
I want to dancing with Zee
Guys, we're hiring at Lex corp. We promise good job opportunities, and the advancement of the human society.
Also, vote for President Luthor.
I mean, the benefits do sound good, buuuuttttt...
I'm not the sort of guy who wants to work under the guy who gets Jeff Bezos to lick his hairless pate clean everyday. I'll just stick with something less dangerous and mundane, like handling nuclear waste, or being the subject of an experimental superserum. I mean, c'mon, how many times has Lex "Yes I'm uncircumcised, how could you tell from my baldness" Luthor done incredibly dumb shit?
But Dr. Sivana offers me a comprehensive 401k and his daughters wants to frick me.
Beautia, yes
Georgia, no (Except in that one-shot)
Well Farmanon and Frostanon weren't saved er say, since nobody got dubs. Thawne just died off having spent all his energy.
Farmanon got an happy end and Forstanon..if Killer Frost doesn't kill him, I guess it's an happy end?
Maybe so, but I theorize that the dubs that Farmanon's farm girl got at the end of the last thread not only managed to undo Thawne's kekking of Farmanon, but also managed to restore structural integrity to Frostanon's condoms, thus saving us from frost babies in the future and Frostanon from getting killed by Killer Frost.
dubs are single use anon. To save a life, you have to let another die.
Man, last thread was a fricking ordeal.
here.
I should've asked this last thread, but does anyone want a souvenir from this alt universe? I've already got a digital backup of everything Clark Kent has written for the Gotham Gazette, but I figure that other anons could come up with some ideas. Nothing too illegal, since Fate might just kill me instead of sending me home, and nothing larger or heavier than I can physically carry (I don't work out and I don't have powers).
While Lex does a lot of dumb shit, it won't really affect you unless you want it to. You'll never be forced to work on a supervillain project, but you do get 2.5x overtime pay and a few extra benefits for doing so. Also, if a project you're working on merges with a supervillain project, then you're allowed to back out and swap to another one. If you have sensitive info from that project or you're essential to it, then you get offered some bonus pay to teach your replacement what they need to know.
I've made it home safely and have been ordered by Fate to stop fricking around with random tech I find in back alleys.
In completely unrelated news, does anyone want to buy a one-way dimensional transporter made from the remains of a broken back-alley teleporter? Their Gotham actually has 5 more days of clear, sunny skies a year compared to ours.
Dude, we just got done stopping Reverse Flash from completely fricking up this dimension just to frick with regular Flash. I don't think you'll find many buyers here. Especially since apparently this dimension is now Joker-free after some anon blew his brains out.
Hey man, I'm currently jobless. If I can make $50 by sending someone with a shit life to another universe, why shouldn't I try?
Fair enough. Just be careful to who you sell that to. Don't sell it to any freaks like Reverse Flash. We might not have Bueno Excellente to bail us out this time.
Thinking about taking up gooning, statistically speaking your chances of ever running into a cape are .0 something and I figure as long as you stay away from the costumed guys you can still make alot of money without the noise
Make sure to look out for your own skin, and don’t be a hero (figuratively speaking). If bodies start dropping, either get out of dodge or surrender immediately. Capes seem to go easier on enemies that surrender, with the exception of Batman. He’ll still beat the shit out of you.
Eh, from some of the stories I've heard, doesn't strike me as the greatest opportunity. Why not become a barber or something, Jesus. Hell, better yet, just toss yourself to a police station, confess your crimes, and prepare your butthole for prison.
Granted, that's just from what I've heard about gooning for a cape. But what do I know?
I hear Matches Malone is looking for some more goons. A friend of mine gooned for him once and even though Batman foiled the plan, Malone still paid everyone and covered their medical bills.
Pfft, Match''s a snitch, Clearly, he's informing the Bat of our jobs.
Worked with the guy five times and each time I've gone to jail.
Hey, I don't like Matches either, I think the guy's a slimy little skidmark, but if he was legit informing the Bat of our jobs don't you think someone from one of the bigger families would've put a hit out on him?
That's because he's got "Protection" from the Bat, I saw some guys chase after once, they went down an alley, I saw Orpheus go down there twenty minutes later, Everyone was arrested but how did Orpheus know what was happening?
Vet hench here work for the Joker once and you'll earn a good 400k for one shift, he might be nuts but he pays like he's Bruce wayne.
Conversely Luther pays dimes for his jobs its not worth it outside the resume.
>400k for one shift, he might be nuts but he pays like he's Bruce wayne.
Oh my god. Oh my god!
BRUCE WAYNE ISN’T BATMAN
HE’S THE FRICKING JOKER
THINK ABOUT IT
Joker’s got that uncanny smile, surprisingly eloquent speech pattern, a frickton of money, and he’s batshit insane. Losing his parents right in front of him had to frick him up mentally, and it’s not like he can’t wear a high-grade mask, or makeup or some cosmetic shit. We’ve seen Batman be able to use some tech that should be impossible; a rich kid like Wayne could match that with a quality disguise and money to pay goons, then slum it up as a criminal.
holy shit you might be onto somethin, I heard he saw his parents get offed as a kid and it messed him up big time
If that's the case how hasn't he gone apeshit during one of his millions of charity events and balls and shit? Psychopaths aren't really known for their ability to control their urges, especially if they're playing a role, which, assuming you're right, is the case for Wayne's vapid playboy persona.
no but sociopaths can, also how do you explain all the times bruce wayne is nowhere to be seen? and how is it for all the joker has done he keeps getting away with it
I don't believe for a second in our day and age that they don't know what that green haired sonofab***h real name and identity is
It goes even deeper, I think.
Batman shows up, he fights the Joker, the Joker gets away, Batman disappears, Bruce is back. Joker gets away. He always gets away. Even when he gets tossed in Arkham he escapes almost immediately, like he wasn’t even admitted. And Batman has some high-quality tech on the level of Wayne Enterprises. It’s not like Lexcorp is providing it, it’s not his city.
I think Batman’s a paid actor.
bruh bruce wayne is a beef cake and that ugly clown frick looks like an auschwitz survivor on some days
He could be juicing. A little bit of Venom (or possibly Miraclo, Bruce is rich enough to buy the good shit) to fill out his figure for his public persona.
I used to hench for Riddler, not a bad gig. Mostly just setting up his clues and painting question marks on stuff. He's kind of a dick but the pay is decent, I don't think the guy spends money on much of anything so he's pretty generous with the shares.
This is such a ripoff of the Marini spread from Dark Prince Charming.
>This is such a ripoff of the Marini spread from Dark Prince Charming.
DPC came after the book this was from.
Dont let anyone fool you, Bruce Wayne is Batman.
Look guys, if Bruce Wayne is moonlighting as a Superhero, then he'd be Superman. How else would he be able to simultaneously run a multi-billion dollar company, be a well known playboy, and have time to spend with his growing collection of orphans? Throwing vigilantism on top of all that means he can't be human.
no fricking way
isn't superman immune to bullets and shit
Have you ever actually seen Bruce Warne hurt?
Not a scratch or scrape or anything else that's easily applied with make-up, but a proper injury.
i mean i heard a rumor bane broke his back once
I was there when Bane brought Batman's back down on his knee a few years ago. I remember Bruce Wayne just vanished from the public eye for a few months after that, and while he was away Batman started wearing that really stupid ass armor and REALLY kicking the shit out of crooks. Another actor, maybe?
>another actor maybe?
Damn Right it was another guy, I met bats on a few occasions and heard his voice enough to know the Fricker in the armored suit was some deranged murder hobo.
That's Batman, silly. Bane and Bruce Wayne have never even been in the same room.
frick i'm moronic
sorry, with all the "BRUCE WAYNE IS BATMAN" schizoposts, it tends to frick with me
Eh, I doubt it. Now, if you think of, say, oh fer Chrissakes, what's the guy's name?
Well, I've read some rumors on /x/ that some reporter is really Batman. Personally, I think it's bullshit. A dude like Batman has to be nearly as rich as God to do something like that.
So I'm wagering it's either Bruce Wayne, (prolly not), or another rich guy. Prolly not Lex Luthor, but maybe some strange Old Money that went a little nuts, is real reclusive, all that.
Who says there’s just one Batman? There’s two Supermen now, like twenty Batgirls and Robins, who the frick knows how many Wonder Girls, three blue beetles who don’t even look like they have anything to do with each other, the list goes on and on.
Wayne was on Epstein list
So was Wonder Woman, Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan. That list has more names on it than Santa's naughty list.
Trips confirm it
The Justice League is actually a gang of kid diddlers
Justice League? I only mentioned WW because it's funny how women try and ignore her being on the list.
I would've only said Oliver Queen but when I was double checking, all the photos of him and Epstein also included air force pilot Hal Jordan. After a little digging, I saw that a LOT of photos have them together. The only pics I could find without both of them together were when one of them was dating another chick.
Looks like Lex was trying to blow the whistle on that whole affair.
Man I lived in Gotham for my whole life but I need to move, this shithole is a horrible place to live and raise a family. Metropolis is bad too, I hate Superman and his enemies.
Where the frick should I move to?
Jump City, with the cutest teenage supers, college for supercriminals and no alien invasions
I'd say New York or Central City. The latter if you want to have some superhero activity, the former if you still want to be close to home but don't want to be near super villains.
>Arabian/Asian cult hundred of years old
>Focus almost exclusively on a Western city, not even the country
>Called League of Shadows, English words
>Dressed like Kabuki pajama ninjas
>Exclusively use katanas, ninja stars and other nippon shit
>Bunch of jobbers
Yo I think those guys are weebs and cosplayers. Not the real deal.
I think they just like cliches.
Yo, dogwelder just welded my dog, again. Who do i call about this?
Call the gun store and place a order and just shoot the fricker no one is gonna give a shit in court if you kill that animal killing frick.
Don’t do it! Anyone who kills Dogwelder becomes Dogwelder! It’s like the Santa Clause
911. Gotham hospitals have specialist surgeons on call 24/7 to deal with shit like that. You might end up with a nasty scar on your face but I'm sure that you can make up a good enough story to impress chicks.
If your dog is somehow still alive, then it most likely won't survive the operation, so after you finish talking to the 911 operator you should lay down and give it some pats.
Reverse-Flash may have depleted all his energy but the rift in the space-time continuum is still open. Could Cyberwiener possibly be in the rift?
Only an assemblage of the finest in meta pussy could draw him back.
Anyone saw the Blackfire cult? That Deacon Blackfire says he’s immortal, part of me thinks it’s BS… but Rash Al Ghul is an immortal with a cult, so it ain’t that far-fetched.
His sect can’t be worse than the ones in the 60s, or in South Korea, right? Sure is closer to home than wherever the League of Assasin is. Though his followers have a bit too much hobos and crazies to my taste.
>Rash Al Ghul
Its Rayish
Hi guys, Shadowban here. I had a long chat with Superman and took a couple days mostly offline to cool down
I think I’m gonna not do the whole supervillain thing but, I might try making some monsters for the league. Superman actually told me to drop by the Hall of Justice some time, he’s a really great guy.
Anyway, what did I miss while gone?
Lots of romance and rape. Anon 1 + Power Girl cosplayer, Anon 2 + Batgirl, Anon 3 + Killer Frost. And Anon 4 + Farm Girl.
Also Reverse Flash used dubs to cuck Anon 4, and to poke holes in the condom of Anon 3. Anon 4 got laid later though. Thawne got burned out on excessive use of dubs, and failures to acquire them.
Wow, that’s a lot. And what was that stuff I was hearing about some kind of universal convergence or something? I remember my shadows feeling weird but I didn’t see much
Nobody was able to defeat Thawne and undo his dubs, so some anons tried to reboot the universe with a machine but it failed. RF tried to hijack it, but he failed.
That's pretty based, Shadowban. Glad you're considering a more honorable use for your powers. Truth be told, you struck me more as hero material rather than villain anyway.
Thanks for saying that. I actually just had an interview with the League and they want me to come over tomorrow to see if my shadow monsters are viable for training heroes. I hope they are.
Ask how much is the pay.
>Pay
Justicekeks do it for FREE unlike pic related
Frick this city I got sexually ausaulted again in the park and raped on my way to work.
Cant even call the cops because their boss is one of the biggest rapist in gotham, gotta move to smallville
>This motherfricker actually worked in Gotham
Are you a native Gothamite? my condolences. But if you're not a native Gothamite, and actually moved there for work, then you're a fricking moron.
Born in gotham, was my dad was a rapist
So you're a rape baby?
Yeah but so is pretty much everyone in gotham
Anons, I actually did it. I pulled a ligma joke variant on Power Girl, and she fell for it.
I'm currently stranded in the middle of the forest for about three days, please send help.
Follow power lines or the stream of a river.
If you manage to make it back to civilisation, contact LexCorp. I'm pretty certain they still have an active bounty for anyone who was unduly assaulted by a Kryptonian.
RIP
Just watch out for Shaggy Man.
Guys, I just heard the news. Mr. Cobblepot's gone!
You now remember that shit like this got posted on the front page of papers once. Looks like it was a slow news week because this kept up every fricking week. Apparently some "ex"-henchman of Penguin broke the story but really he was bullshitting for some of that woke money.
I'm glad Mr Cobblepot sued the shit out that rag.
I tried to fricking repress that.
God i hope that fake c**t got brutally beaten to death with one of Cobblepot's umbrellas.
Any other place got "Tabloid rumor garbage" incidents? Like any of the more notably moronic ones?
That whole Sue Dibney sleeping with Captain Marvel affair. I never saw how fast that WHIZ radio station smashed that rumor. Turns out it was that little worm, you know the one with the glasses, that did it.
>Superboy shares DNA with Lex Luthor and Superman so that Lex and Super are gay!
Actual fricking rumor that went around. I shit you not.
Oh yeah. It was still going for a couple years even after Cadmus was broken up and their files leaked.
How Lex didn't sue the shit out of these people is beyond me. Maybe he just went "this rumor is actually so damn moronic that i'm not even going to get involved".
Lexcorp won some contract to research all the Cadmus tech after the government seized it. Luthor's laughing all the way to the bank with it.
I HATE THE ANTI-MONITOR!
I HATE THE ANTI-MONITOR!
I HATE THE ANTI-MONITOR!
I HATE THE ANTI-MONITOR!
I HATE THE ANTI-MONITOR!
Back to /x/ with the red sky bullshit
Anons, I'm planning on killing the Joker. Any tips? I just wanna rub it in Batman's smug face that I fricking solved Gotham's schizo clown.
Rape the Joker
Why does this always appear? who keep saying this? why do you want to rape joker?
Some sort of special crimes response tactic that the Omega Gordon proposed during that whole Gordan Doppleganger Crisis. Turns out some in the GCPD are still considering it
>rape
You’d better use a sniper rifle and learn how to shoot. He can’t kill you with Joker gas if he can’t tell where you are
Hey guys just woke up and turns out the universe rebooted AGAIN and now my mom's back alive again for the 4th time. Also this time I'm in a different house.
If you love your mom enjoy your time with her until she inevitably dies again before the next universe reboot.
>the universe rebooted AGAIN
But the machine broke when we were fighting Reverse Flash... How’s that possible?
Was it me?*dead gasp*
no
GOD-MAN IS WATCHING YOU, THAWNE
Mr Mind, Brainiac, or one of the many time travelers that crop up. Take that Chronos homosexual, he should up one day and spilled my coffee. Then he ran out laughing saying he changed the course of history.
Relax, it's probably just a small anomaly that won't have any bearing on the universe at large. The anons involved in fighting Reverse Flash haven't reported any changes since the end of the battle.
Just to be safe the frostanom should buy new condoms.And maybe a test, just in case.
Frostanon here, Killer Frost is a bit... mad. And can't vent her frustration on Reverse Flash.
So I'm hiding. Weirdly enough there was another guy hiding in the closet with a camera, but I don't question it for now. Dont want to make a ruckus or we're dead.
With a little luck she'll calm down... in a few days. We're running out of snacks though.
Frostanon you’ve gotta find a way out of that house/apartment. If you don’t she’ll find you.
Anyone willing to make a distraction? Like calling a izza to her address or something?
Bro, she's got a temperament, and the condom thing was something she was 'deadly' serious about. I dunno how long the guy was there tho.
I think he's the anon leaking the photos last thread
Anom is a pussy. That dont know who to talk with his lover.
I’d say Anon is lucky to be alive at all after the first date, considering it’s Killer Frost. A gal that’ll strip down and kill you with a kiss, leaving you frozen with an awkward boner just for shits and giggles. Guess she was pretty chill that day. And now she’s not.
Relationship are based on talk and mutual understand between the parts, anom need to talk, even if she is angry.
There's need to be a degree of sacrificing and suffering for the other, only that way true love can begin and flourish.
That way I call anom a pussy, because he is not willing to try real love.
Yeah. I mean, after the whole puppet thing, me and Zee talked that over, and she went to therapy over it. From what she told me, it was something about her uncle or dad. Eh, she's pretty cagey about her family history, and I don't blame her. I think her dad left his mom when she was born, but that's about as far as I know.
(And Zee says hi. Except to Reverse Flash.)
Love does not consist in feeling great things, but in having great detachment and in suffering for the beloved.
Isn't it both? Shouldn't the feeling of great things inspire someone to do great things? Otherwise knock it off with the fortune cookie crap.
You do great things for other person because they make you feel any variation of "good" or "satisfaction"?
Yes, that's the norm.
But a love relationship build that way will not end well.
Batgirlanon here. Me and Batgirl say hi too. Been reading through the thread while cuddling in bed all day. Figured we could use a lazy Saturday after what happened last thread. Some of these Batman theories have gotten her laughing her ass off.
Oh hey to you two as well. Zee and I took care of a few things, practicing some of her tricks, some chores, some cuddling, going to the gym. Did a lot today. Man.
And seriously, some of those theories are wild. I mean, I did talk a little about some theories, but some of them really were wacky. Bruce Wayne as Joker? Yeah, and Jimmy Olsen is Superman in disguise.
Ya know, if the anon hiding in Frostanon's closet taking lewd pictures of Killer Frost was actually Jimmy Olsen, I might've entertained that theory just for a laugh. Like picture it: Jimmy Olsen is Superman, so he knows he'll be fine even if Killer Frost caught him taking pictures of her ass.
Already called in for a pizza, anon. Just hang tight 'till the delivery guy gets there. He should make for enough of a distraction.
Bro stop being a pussy, you are her partner, be honest.
Also...how long this guy is there?
I'm guessing the guy in the closet was either Jimmy Olsen, Rubber-guy, or...I dunno. Some run of the mill pervert.
How's Killer Frost, Frostanon? She cooled off yet? You still alive?
Frostanon here, she hasn’t lost her temper yet, and she outright killed the pizza guy. She took two boxes. Luckily there was an extra one for me inside the car. Dunno where the pervert anon went.
I think I’ll leave for tonight. She gets stabby without her eight hours of sleep. I’ll try to communicate with her tomorrow.
F for the pizza guy
It's done, just shot the motherfricker. In front of the GCPD too, now I'm in jail.
Worth it
That clown homosexual seems to be borderline omniscient these days. Don't be surprised if Joker already knew you'd make a move for him and that's just some poor schmoe Joker slathered in make-up and forced to act as a body double.
Or Clayface. Rumor has it that Joker is a big Karlo fan and the two frequently collaborate
>Joker is a big Karlo fan
Huh. Never thought I'd find common ground with the Joker of all people. Karlo was a top-tier actor before he went off the deep end.
Is the body still warm?
Asking for a friend of course
You’d better hope Batman doesn’t go after you.
That said, you just did this city a huge favor. Also that means Harley Quinn is single now.
>Also that means Harley Quinn is single now.
Anon, Harley Quinn's been eating Poison Ivy out for years now, and now they've gone steady. I appreciate your love of clussy, but that ship has sailed.
why no one listen to my hooker suggestion, them move on with their lives?
Oh, I’m not Harleyanon. I was mentioning that for him.
I doubt there are too many hookers who could act like Harley and make it convincing and for some people just having someone dressed up as the object of your lust isn't enough.
Anon, i hate to break it to you, but thats a actual clown, not the Joker. Knew the guy from back in school, last i heard he been struggling to find work because Joker keeps ruining clown gigs. You shot a innocent man that only wanted to entertain children birthday parties and try to date the moms.
then why the frick did he dress like joker
motherfricker was asking for trouble
Theres like one guy supplying clown outfits in Gotham, they probably got the laundry wrong.
After a blunder like that there'll be no guys supplying clown outfits in Gotham once Joker's done with him.
Maybe he was coming back from some supervillain cosplay party. Those are freakishly popular in Gotham.
F
Okay, this is Zatanna's BF again. Apparently, Zee's been invited to a Justice League meeting, any of you guys know what that's about? She didn't tell me anything.
Yeah dude, we’re all Leaguers here, we totally know what the super Illuminati talk about up there.
Batgirlanon here. I asked her if she knew what was up with Zatanna being invited to that JL meeting, but she doesn't know a thing. She told me she tried asking Batman, but as we both expected, he wasn't exactly willing to share any information.
Anon, Clayface just posted this on insta. I think you've been NTR'd.
Nah, she's fine. In fact, it was Clayface getting cute and wasting time posting that on Insta that allowed one of the other Batgirls, the one with the creepy mask and the abs, to help her before the situation could get worse. It was a scare, but she's alright. Right now, both of them are here at my place getting some shut-eye. I've censored their faces for obvious reasons.
I want to frick him.
same
You wanna frick one of Lex's bodydoubles?
>imagine having an orgy with a bunch of lex luthors
stop anon, i can only get so erect
>Orgy with a bunch of Lex Luthors
I'd rather it be an orgy of Superboys. Or at least the cool Superboy with the leather. The new one is too much of a fuccboi.
Same here
>Lex
Not only is he not the sexiest Superman foe, he's not even the sexiest one with an L name.
For me its Starfire
Rapeanon here again. Raped blue bird again but I’m betting bored with her. Which cape should i go for next?
Rape Blue Bird again and this time actually mindbreak her, you pussy
Hey whatever happened to that super kid that used to hang out with Robin number five?
Rapeanon got him 🙁
Good riddance tee bee haitch
Speaking of clussy, is Reverse Flash fricking with timelines again, or is the machine out of whack or something? A portal just opened up in my living room while I was watching the game and these two clown girls just came out of it with fricking lightsaber whips!
Are you from Gotham? If so, run. Clowns are never bad news. Dollars to donuts they're like Punchline's goons or something.
Not the anon with the clown girls, just an anon from Coast City curious to know who Punchline is
Let them have their way with you, you lucky bastard
I suppose post related is at least one good part of Thawne fricking with timelines and dimensions some more. I never say no to more clussy.
That's true. I love Harley, but I do like variety too.
>Bored and depressed at work
>Randomly shout out SHAZAM
>Still no superpowers
>People overhear me and snicker at me behind my back
>Girls sitting near me whisper about me to each other
>Just want to shazam and fly the frick away
I can tell you work in the comics industry
Ok, that reminds me. I mean, I have Zatanna as a girlfriend, and we do all sorts of stuff through magic, but I want to know, how exactly does that work? Is there some sort of Code of Magic? Schools of Magic like a 90s RPG? Because isn't the Shazam thing some sorta magic? I've tried asking on /x/, but well, they're more busy talking about Constantine's posting about his demon collection each week.
You didn't hear it from me, but "Schools of Magic like a 90's RPG" is a pretty apt description. And if you're curious, judging by her parlour tricks, Zatanna is firmly a practicioner of the School of the Magician, which is easily the most all-encompasing of them, which is for the best. If you think Zatanna turning you into a rabbit is bad, practicioners of the other Schools would do way worse.
What would they do? Turn me into, I dunno, a demon who's as pretty as Lex Luthor has hair?
*Meant to say, "as pretty to the same degree Lex Luthor has hair?"
Well, just off the top of my head...they could turn you inside out, trap you in a sort of death loop where you're forced to relive your own death over and over, they could forcefully fuse you with something and turn you into a living embodiment of that something. Think Swamp Thing.
And that's just me scratching the surface. I'm sure Zatanna could give you more examples.
No thank you. She's already done weird enough shit to me, I don't want her to get any more ideas.
>be me
>dicking around with hacking shit
>cyberwiener hasn't been heard in weeks, assume he's dead
>hear lex talking shit about me
Better be careful there before LexCorp's next on the hack list, b***h-boy.
Fricking do it man. See what LexCorp's next product is.
I'd bet five bucks it's hair growth serum.
Eh frick it. I'm bored and it's a weekend.
Let's do it.
Hell yeah. Zee's gone to sleep, I've done nothing much all day, and I'm about ready to grab some popcorn to see what Luthor is up to.
Well, there’s a lot of shit. Secret LexCorp projects (most, if not all of them are for destroying Superman, what a fricking surprise. I think there was some hair growth shit which is expected.) But that’s not my concern, my concern is the cake. Jesus frick, that’s a lot of cake. Fricking forty cake orders. The frick is he ordering all that cake for? Well, at least we know where Lex’s fat ass comes from.
Oh yeah, for any stock market villains, please frick with LexCorp's stock, Lex hates it when you do it, it'll be funny as frick. Anyway, more shit I found, apparently the rumor about Superboy being made of Lex and Superman's DNA was true. Does this mean they're gay? Frick no. Probably science shit. Gonna post screencaps of people thirsting over Lex on his site too.
Superman sure as frick isn't gay. I live in Metropolis and I've seen him flying around carrying around that Lois Lane chick from the Daily Planet bridal-style all the time. She's definately getting the Superwiener. And if Lex is gay, he sure does a better job of hiding it than Bruce Wayne. He doesn't have a whole entourage of young boys following him around.
>Lois Lane
She's married
She's a leftie working for the most liberal publication in Metropolis. Of course she'd cheat on her cuck husband with Superchad.
...Maybe it's catering for a party?
I assumed that at first but then again, like...fricking forty. Who needs forty fricking cakes? Is LexCorp really that much of a popular business choice?
Yeah, i just assumed that too.
He had a good run at least. Short but sweet.
Yeah. LexCorp is just that popular. There's no shortage of henchmen looking for employment and apparently Lex's benefits are second only to WayneTech, and not everyone is willing to relocate to Gotham.
Jesus. That's pretty bloody good.
Yeah, like i said, probably some cloning science shit.
I Wonder where cybercook is, maybe alien pussy was too much for him.
Maybe he pissed off the wrong Tamaranean or something. I doubt he could get enough alien pussy.
Based Weaponized Autism. Go after Oliver Queen next.
Try to that info mentioned last thread about Kryptonian clones. If it’s true then there’s some serious dirt on Lexcorp
Will do. Superboy can't be the only one. There's gotta be some fricked up horiffic mutant shit in there.
>There's gotta be some fricked up horiffic mutant shit in there.
Nah, the tanks are cycled monthly. Interns (or anyone working for the company) looking to make some extra cash can volunteer to clean the tanks and incinerate the hazardous materials.
Kryptonian DNA is HARD AS BALLS to mess with. Hell, most of LexCorp's cybersecurity programs use reverse-engineered Kryptonian DNA encoding. The free LexCorp VPN? That uses the same encoding Kryptonians used to protect the parts that control how sweaty their balls are.
That's a bit weird if you think about it.
Which part?
>horrific mutant shit
Isn't that exactly what Bizarro Superman is?
No, he’s from some ass-backwards dimension.
Yeah, it's either one or the other with these freaks, isn't it?
Nah, that fricko's a dimension hopper.
Recently got superpowers, what do
what are your superpowers, anon
Oh god, it’s awful.
I can like, manipulate all of my body functions manually. Like how I can force my muscles to break and heal so many times I can lift cars. Or how I can force my bones to break and then grow out of my arms so I can cut shit. Or how I can grow literal shitting dicknipples if I want to
yeah you're pretty much fricked
just become a villain
I don’t want to do crime tho
ok then be a hero but pray that you don't accidentally scare away children
I likely will and I’m fully intent on punching someone in the face
Just join the Doom Patrol bro
>manipulate my cells. I can grow redundant organs, change myself into a puddle of blood, and all of that.
Holy shit, that's useful. Firstly, study nerve endings and disable all of yours whenever you shift, then you'll want to study animals (and potentially plants, if your power is versatile enough).
Your goal is to try and build yourself up into an ultimate being, improving various parts of your body by shifting them into better versions found on different life forms. Save the brain for last, after you've become a hero and can trust people to watch over you while you frick yourself up for psychic powers.
Since you can survive as a pool of blood, you can pretty much start at any part of your body and swap to blood if you frick up. I wouldn't try to grow wings or a tail until you meet a meta that naturally has them. If your power is completely manual (not filling in the blanks for you), then it'll be a b***h and a half to actually "connect them" properly.
It’s more like I manipulate my cells. I can grow redundant organs, change myself into a puddle of blood, and all of that.
It hurts, I hate it, and it’s gross
Bruce Wayne is Batman!
This again? You schizos never learn. Bruce Wayne isn't Batman, for frick's sake!
Then why does Wayne have an army of orphans? He has five or six orphans and Batman had five or six Robins
Gotham is shit and the worst city ever
All because that clown
That clown is just one of many things making Gotham a fricking dump, believe me.
NOT AGAIN
YOU'VE WORN OUT YOUR SPEEDFORCE, THAWNE! NO DUBS FOR YOU!
Die you yellow motherfricker
>No dubs
I still don't wanna take chances. After last time I got my hands on Bueno Excellente's cell number and I got the fricker on speedial
singles and yellow frick is cucked for eternity
Lost your touch
Hope you don't rape him, Commissioner. I've heard stories about what you did to the Joker, why it sent him crazy...
Ah, that's a bunch of hogwash. Everyone knows the clown is just gay for Bats.
Frostanon here. Killer Frost is a bit… cold towards me, and me uttering a single decibel can set her off, so I got to stay calm and do everything she asks. I feel like I might survive, hopefully the pizza guy satiated her killing urges. RIP that guy. Sorry lad, hope you get rewarded in whatever afterlife you end up to.
You motherfricker! You won’t do it again!
Outa curiosity, how in the hell did you meet Killer Frost?
She fell through the roof of my apartment on my bed when I was asleep. And I sleep naked. She just made a big score and was in the mood to celebrate. I rolled with it and prayed I find good condoms in time before she gets annoyed with me. Anons helped me out, but RF had to meddle with us.
Wait why am I naked right now? Oh god she’s like an anima-
Well, since our good friend isn't gonna be around, might as well tell my story as to how me and Zee came to be.
Couple of months back, I had bought some books from a used bookstore near me. Now, I found a couple of these books, really leathery covers, fairly old but in good condition, so I decided, hey, what the hell, might give it a shot! Bought 'em for...I think fifty bucks for four of them? I love used books, have way too many. Even after Zee got rid of a few...But I'm getting distracted
They were full of occult stuff, drawings, chants, drawings, all sorts of stuff. Now, I've read enough horror stories to know not to frick around with this sort of thing. But hey, I am a naturally curious sorta guy. Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought him back, you know, yada yada. Now, the books was written in Hebrew script, but with Polish words, and I later found out was a translation from Arabic, which made it a real pain in my ass to decode.
Now, I managed to decode one or two pages to kinda get the gist of them, and I think it talked about (had to refer to Zee for this for a quick sec) teleportation, and that it'd send me to the point of my desire. Now, I concentrated really hard. Part of the magic for it, along with muttering a few things. Five minutes earlier, I had seen a little feature about Zatanna's place in San Francisco, and I'd had a crush on her for a few years. So, I thought of arriving right there, at the front gate. Then, uh, my "wand" nudged my attention elsewhere.
A few seconds later, I had poofed into her bedroom. Thankfully, she wasn't there...she had just walked out of the shower with her towel. And she saw me. She...uh, kinda held me against the ceiling for a while. She put a blindfold on me, so I didn't get to see anything, but hey. I figured, I got to see Zatanna in a bath towel, managed to do teleportation into a superhero's mansion, I'd be getting free drinks to the end of time.
(Gonna continue in a seperate post.)
Continuing on, she asked me, in sweats and a t-shirt, how the hell I had managed to find myself into her bedroom, which was behind more fences and magical sigils than...I dunno, Hogwarts for the Mentally moronic. I told her about the books I found, and her jaw dropped at that.
Apparently they were books her friend Constantine had lost somewhere, and most of them had managed, in fairly decent condition, to get into my hands. And I'd managed, somehow, due to some great cosmic coincidence, (or more likely, the will of the great writer in the sky) I'd managed to teleport into her mansion.
So, I offered to hand them back to her friend, if we would go on a date. We went to a movie, went to a cafe, hit it off, and we're doing fairly well. She's been trying to get me to do the magic stuff again, but nothing's really worked out.
I know it sounds a little silly, but hey, that's life with capes.
My own clone! Now none of us will be virgins!
Or will I? What if I told you that with dubs I will send hypnotic suggestions to both you and Killer Frost, resulting in the best sex of your lives, but at the same time I will make it impossible for you two to sleep! Then, with how cranky she is when tired, I’ll make sure to hide and destroy anything edible around you, so her murder drives goes through the roof!
886655
Dude, you *are* the dubs.
It keeps getting worse
HE CANT KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT
Please stop this man before he retcons the universe again and makes me unable to frick my girlfriend dumb bunny
>Three layers of dubs
Jesus Christ frostanon is fricking dead
Oh no. Oh god.
Frostanon I’m so fricking sorry
Hello reverse flash, Rapeanon here. I’m getting bored with blue bird and I want to try my hand at some stronger heroes. Maybe you could use your weird speed stuff to retcon me to be stronger or them to be weaker
I don't think that helps with Flash,but ok.
Why you don't get a hobby or something insted? Like warhammer or card games.
'ey guys, I got a buddy of mine who apparently remembers some "multi-dimensional" mumbo-jumbo and while we're shooting the shit one of these days, he says in this other dimension there's a race of people who are rejected for having superpowers. But get this, in that world, there's way more crazy shit that happens that's way bigger than these 'mutants'.
Could you imagine that sort of crap? It's fricking ridiculous. Harrassing an entire people because they got powers? No wonder it's all a bunch of crap. We got regular folks here doing all sorts of stupid-techno crap here and they got no powers. Hell, if everyone here in Gotham had some rando friend with powers, we'd all be lucky.
What kind of morons actively antagonize people with powers that could work beside and along them? I tell ya, if I had a metagene like Ice and Fire, I'd join up with the Falcone or Maroni family in an instant. I'd be set for life, and the Bat could finally get some sumshine, if you know what I mean. Or better yet, I could replace that damn pyromaniac, Firefly. butthole torched my car last week.
Sounds like the people in that dimension are straight-up suicidal to antagonize people with literal powers. Just makes me all the more glad I live on this side, where logic and reasoning prevail.
Seems like a lot of people have been having memories of different realities and timelines lately. Somebody should open a support group or something.
I could use one... I keep daydreaming about a wife I've never had and it's getting harder to deal with.
You'd think there would be more of those, given how often realities and timelines intersect. Still, if a bunch of anons posting here can get together with capes, I'm sure that inter-dimensional wife you've daydreamed about is just as attainable. Just keep truckin' on, anon.
Frick Mutants
FRICK SUPERMAN
I remember joking with my pals online about Superboy being a homosexual, right? “Haha, Supertwink” and whatnot. I hear something flying near my apartment, thinking it was just a plane only for this motherfricker to show up and slam some b-list villain through the wall. I have to pay for that shit, motherfricker!
And he just kept going! I saw him crash through like 5 other buildings after hitting mine.
I fricking knew it! Superman's son being a homosexual and people making fun of him and by extension Superman has made Supes go off the deep-end!
Superboy is a gay and Superman is a b***h.
Looks like the c**t gene runs in the family.
Fondoo had no fricking business being this goddamn hot and yet just being in Laff-a-Lympics.
are you lost
wait no, that guy was with that stoner dude that one time, right
I think so. The one that hangs out with that redhead babe people say is a family friend to Batman's supposed butler.
Thanks for the vote of confidence, but even with all those extraneous factors, I don't think this universe would allow for a schlubby ginger like me to land the raven-haired bombshell of my (literal) dreams...
Hey. Me and Zee here again. Am pooped. Why we haven't posted in a while.
what a cute hardworking gal. Guess Your Zee deserves a treat anon
...Is that just cosplay porn of Zee? Dude, c'mon.
I can imagine dating Zatanna would leave anyone pooped. In a good way, of course.
Oh yeah. We were busy taking care of some stuff. I needed to take care of some paperwork regarding insurance (y'know: being the boyfriend of one of the most notable superheroines involves a lot of kidnapping, hostage situations, etc.) and Zee was practicing some new tricks for her tour in the fall.
Also took care of some chores around the house. You'd be surprised how convenient it is for a girl like Zee to come into your life, if not your home, and really clean things up. Ever seen that one bit from Fantasia where Mickey Mouse breathed life into brooms to take care of his chores? It's kinda like that. But she only does that when we really need to do it. Really taxing on her, hence why she's so pooped, between the new tricks and the chores. I had to take care of the rest, and that's why I'm pooped.
That's like saying Gotham is a bit shit. Yeah, we all know that, but that's understating it a bit.
Congratulations anon,you are almost househusband. I envy you.
Why are Intergang so hard to hench for? LexCorp, Penguin's gang, even the fricking space worm Mr. Mind are all easy gigs but the moment those Crime Bible thumping goons get involved in a racket it takes forever to get a simple israeliteelry store robbery done.
Just had the hottest encounter in my goon life. Batwoman came, chased me down and shook me down for some info. She was so sexual about it that it was unreal. I'll be having the fap of my life tonight bros.
Isn't Batwoman a dyke?
Ain't nothing dyke about the tender way she held my face. We were 'this' close to kissing, I could feel it dude.
Nice dude. What'd she smell like?
leather and alcohol
Hot. I wanna be interrogated molested by Batwoman too!
Has anyone seen The Question, lately? I tend to get a little antsy whenever he disappears for too long. I blame it on the THREE times he's broken into my house and ransacked it for anything that might prove that I work for alien lizardmen. I don't. I just buy, clean up and re-sell any israeliteellery Killer Croc finds in the sewers. A legal source of income has helped cut-down his murder-hoboing by a significant amount.
Aight bros. I just had it the Bat.
What is the worst case scenario if I finally put a cap on the Batman? Like shot him in the mouth, or kill him with a magic or shit.
What's the worst case scenario if I just kill the Batman, and turned myself in.
>worst case scenario
>non-magical
Superman hears what you're doing but is too late to stop you, then succumbs to his grief and gives you a laser-lobotomy.
>magical
Zatanna used to date Batman and I haven't studied enough magic to know just how bad things could get if she decided to go bad. Z-anon might survive if she remembers that they're dating, but there's little chance anyone else in the vicinity would.
Okay what's the best case scenario of me killing the Bat without getting cursed or heat visioned? More not getting killed. Like say I finally bust a cap or some basic ass spell in his face, he's dead. I turn myself, and plead guilty.
You'd think the Justice League would murder the man who killed the Bat, when he turned himself in? Cause that flying rodent needs to die, but I'm not going down with him.
Even if you turn yourself in after killing the bat, the JL would probably be the least of your concerns. The latest of the Bat's Robins is clearly straddling the line between non-lethal and lethal. I've heard the kid is a bit on the lunatic fringe, and if rumors are true, he's actually Batman's flesh-and-blood son, not just another stray he picked up off the streets. If you killed the Bat, you can bet that latest Robin would rip you a new butthole, and I mean that literally.
ANSWER MY QUESTION
COWARD!
Welp, that was a waste of speedforce. Though I learned my lesson from last thread. Not bust it all at once.
So anons, God-Man and more, you all have a choice. With my triple dubs, nothing short of a Trips can kill me OR save Frostanon and Killer Frost. The choice is yours, hahahahahahahaha!
Because you can do everything in impunity. That’s pretty obvious no? The Speedforce drops the inhibitors of fearing consequences and leaving witnesses!
Bro, just play eldlich with floodgates or floowandereeze, you achieve the same thing with a lot less effort(ygo players are salty).
Also why dick around specifically with other person love live?Also why tell what you will do? A bit cliche if you ask me,but maybe in your case the chase is better than the catch.
Anons having a love life is such an improbability that it causes ripples in the universe similar to the Speedforce. So I thought, why not use dubs to correct the situation?!
Though Barry is getting in my way, though soon one Anon’s death is going to break him. I just have to get the right dubs!
You're bluffing, Thawne! You've already expended your meager supply of Speedforce taunting all these anons. We don't need trips to defeat you or save Frostanon. You've already lost.
Then get dubs, if you even can supercuck! Last thread proved I was beyond your reach!
Why would I need maidens when you’re all pussies that I get to frick all day?
What a waste of dubs, Thawne.
Also someone go bury frostanon I think he’s dead
Reverse Flash confirmed to like anon's wiener.
Look i'm not into guys but you need, at least, buy me a dinner first.
Yo dumb bunny anon frick off thawne I only like strong bimbos
Those trips… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Well I guess Thawne’s defeated. That was anticlimactic.
RIP frostanon, if only you’d survived a little longer.
God you are truly a dick, No wonder you still maidenless.
ANON'S LUST FOR STRONG BIMBOS DEFEATED THAWNE! OUR TIMELINE IS SAFE ONCE AGAIN!
I saved the day! But what are we gonna do about the dead frostanon?
The only thing we can do. Give him a proper funeral and pray Killer Frost doesn't go berserk if she shows up.
We don't we try bringing him back to life instead? That can't be too hard right?
That's beyond my expertise, honestly. I don't really know of any way to bring him back that doesn't involve fricking with the timeline, which is exactly what Thawne was trying to do. Maybe Z-Anon and Zatanna have any ideas?
Umm, I was busy with some stuff man, and Zee is busy with her own stuff, but I can try and see if she can help heal FrostAnon.
Alright, sounds good dude. Keep us updated when you can.
We can, but it won’t be easy. We’ve either gotta get to that goo pool those assassins use, or start fricking around with time. There’s a possibility frostanon will come back crazy. It happened to the second Robin, and now he’s the Red Hood. If we start fricking around with time, THAWNE might come back. And I’d rather he not get the rest of us killed.
No. Necromancy never ends well.
We'll just do the normal thing and wait for the next timeline frickery to happen and he'll come back to life like he never died at all. That or an alt-universe version will appear to take his place.
Worst case scenario, we buy the shitty dimensional transporter from that poor anon above and throw it at Killer Frost if she tries to crash the funeral. I'm sure that there'll be another FrostAnon in that universe. If he's lucky enough, then the two Killer Frosts might decide to share him.
I wonder how she reacted once she realized she killed her boytoy.
Remember lads, don’t stick your dick in crazy.
Anons, I have good and bad news.
Frostanon is still alive, but fell into a coma due to malnutrition, dehydration, exhaustion, and more. His time is running out.
Here’s a video remake of the state we found him in
We've seen people come back from much worse than that. I guess what we could do is pay for his hospital bills? I'm guessing Killer Frost will still need some time to...cool off from what happened, so I don't really see her being willing to pay for her boytoy's medical expenses.
If he dies… he dies
We could just get a muffin basket for him with a get better card, and send a very polite letter to killer frost that she can't abuse him *too much* for some time .
How know, maybe this will awaken her maternal instincts.
Does someone called Killer Frost even have such a thing?
She still is a woman
>she can't abuse him *too much* for some time
That sounds like a hefty price to pay were I in Frostanon's shoes, but given the circumstances, that's probably for the best.
Ok, i bought one muffin basket on the way home, what should i put on the get well better card?
“Somethingsomething-we’re glad you’re alive-somethingsomething-we beat Reverse Flash-something something get well soon”. Something along those lines.
"Keep your nuts on ice. Get well soon. -/co/"
Ok i gonna use that one, let see how this work out.
"There are a few things you should know:
1. Don't stick your dick in dry ice.
2. Don't stick your dick in crazy.
It's a little too late for you, Anon. But I hope you're a good cautionary tale for others.
Winter is coming, and so has she. Well done Anon!
Kek, best one!
I suppose it'd be a bit in poor taste to send him a box of ice cream cones, right?
Ok, i'm back from the hospital, i didn't see killer frost(good, because i value my own life), but the room was strangely very cold, anyway i left the basket next to anon's bed... he was unconscious and doesn't look very good...
But the nurse said to be positive and that he can wake up at any time.
Anon she was hiding in the room that's the only logical reason for the cold room
The romantic in me likes to think she's there watching over him, but I'm also quite aware that she could just as easily be there to finish him off too.
Considering how callous she was with him before, I don’t think she cared about him all that much. He only just got to know her, so she wasn’t super emotionally invested in him. If she was this willing to ice him, then she might not be at that hospital with romantic intent.
Or I could be wrong and she kinda feels bad. Dunno
*snickers* How about we let dubs decide?
You’re playing a dangerous game here anon. I like it.
Dubs decides frostanon’s fate.
Come on, i spend 20 bucks on that basket!
And if there's trips frostanon doesn't die but instead killer frost dies
Reverse Flash comes back, and when Killer Frost comes to kiss anon as a sorry gesture, Thawne jerks anon comatose body at super speed so he bukake Killer Frost. Leaving her angrier than ever
Since we're playing this sorta game, I want to hope that Anon and KF kiss, make up, and become a happily bickering couple.
YES!!! YOU GOT TRIPS ANON
Listen moron, it's supposed to be three sequential numbers...from the end of the post number.
So let me repeat that: Hopefully Anon and Killer Frost become a happy couple.
No anon I want death
I see you're new here.
Frostanon turns into a heroic Mister Freeze
That'd be good for a laugh.
Complete with needing to wear a sense-deprivating suit? That's harsh, anon
She's gonna finish him off alright finish him off to death
At this point Frostanon is the trope of the unconscious guy we carry around, passing him as awake and bumping his head into everything
>Everything back happens in Gotham
Like clockwork, makes me glad I landed a cushy security job on some Caribbean island. Peace, quiet and no shortage of hot babes
Anon becomes Cryodick! The man with the sub-zero wiener able to satisfy Killer Frost, and replace the rapists we lost along the way!
Why would he want to rape anyone when he's already balls-deep in Killer Frost? Not only is that a massive waste of tight, sub-zero pussy, but it's also a great way to get his balls frozen off by Frost.
I should be able to tamper with the machine just enough to make it so I can make small adjustments to the timeline without fricking anything major or in the long run.
If digits, Frostanon and Killer Frost become a happy couple.
If not, we'll just have to wait and see how Frost reacts to everything that happened.
Hmmm....there may be a correlation here...
Killer Frost here, figured that since my life has been fricked due to this board I’ll post here. My boy toy’s fine… for now.
Let’s see how this works… if I get doubles Anon will last all night and more!
Well, maybe he'll last all throughout this night and onto the night after. You never know.
Just go easy on him, yeah? Guy's been through a lot.
I wish reverse flash was back to kill someone
I wish he'd give up and go back to being a janny.
Kill? I’ll aim for Batgirl Anon this time, and cripple all three batgirls!
Shut up you’re dead
You're dead, man! Pining for the fjords, non-operational. Do I need to get Zee to do the "saw you in half" trick?
You better stop that thawne
You know what?
If dubs, Thawne meets a nice girl and settles down. Maybe if he drained his balls he wouldn't need to frick the timeline so much.
If dubs reverse flash dies permanently forever no take backsies
ok, why not? if dubs frostanon get better, thawne stay quiet for at least two days, and i get a girlfriend.
Well guess i staying single, time to make breakfast...
It was a brave attempt, anon. Maybe next time.
YOU WON’T STOP ME BARRY! THREE BATGIRLS ON WHEELCHAIRS THAT I’LL DROP DOWN THE STAIRS, RIGHT ON TOP OF ANON!
Go to bed, Thawne.
check the Wayne Manor basement, the guy makes Epstein look like a joke.
I WANT TO HOLD HANDS WITH HARLEY!
You filthy degenerate
Batgirlanon here. Well, she didn't fall down the stairs, but I'm pretty sure she deliberately made it so she'd fall on top of me from the railing of the rooftop she was standing when I went up there with some pastries for her lookout.
She didn't hurt herself, and when we started dating she did say she wanted to take things slow, but after she fell on top of me, one thing kinda led to another and we ended up having sex on the rooftop. I think I ended up with a few years shaved off my lifespan when the other Batgirl showed up and nearly caught us in the act, though...though I'm just assuming she didn't catch us. She could've easily caught us and not have said a word.
Why does that sound even more ridiculous than how I met Zatanna?
It's Gotham, ZeeAnon. This kind of stuff happens on the regular.
Probably something in the water over there. I mean, between the Joker, the Penguin, the industrial waste, and god knows what else, would it be surprising that there's something weird in the water that causes Gotham to be so friggin weird?
Whatever's in the water there can't be all that bad. I'm convinced it's what makes all the women in Gotham so goddamn gorgeous. Like seriously, there's not a single bad-looking woman in this town.
Yeah, I enjoy the sight of a beautiful woman stabbing me and mugging me for my valuables whenever I have to lay eyes on Gotham. I'll take my chances elsewhere, thank you.
Sounds like the world's going to shit again, my man. If there was ever a time to ask that other Batgirl to join in, now's the time, before Batman calls them both to help out in Metropolis or something.
Part of me feels compelled to do just that, but I won't for a variety of reasons. I wanna make this thing with the blonde Batgirl work out, firstly. I don't want there to be trouble between us because I couldn't keep my dick in my pants and started asking her best friend to join us while we're fricking. The other Batgirl isn't the most sociable type, and just suggesting something like that might actually freak her out.
And Batman always needs people here in Gotham to keep watch on the place while he deals with Justice League-level shit, is what Batgirl tells me. So I don't think there's much of an issue of them being sent to Metropolis.
HOLY SHIT, PARADEMONS ARE INVADING METROPOLIS AND THEY KILLED WONDER WOMAN. LITERALLY RIGHT OUTSIDE MY APARTMENT. THE FRICK DO I DO
Run you idiot don’t stick around
They’ve moved on further downtown. They just left her there. Wonder woman’s fricking dead man the frick do i do. She’s just lying there didn’t she fight gods or something? Isn’t SHE a god or something. The frick is happening
What the frick? I fricking saw Harley Quinn of all people kicking the shit out of a bunch of Parademons on her own just last month! They're fricking jobbers for capes! How'd they manage to down WW?!
I have no idea she’s fricking bleeding everywhere man what the frick
Did you check for a pulse? If so then just leave her body there and call wherever authorities are available.
I’m still in my apartment. The parademons have moved on there’s just a bunch of dead people including here down there. I’m scared to leave what if they come back
THE PARADEMONS ARE COMING BACK FRICK FRICK FRICK
Ok the parademons don’t know I’m here. They’re crowding around WW. I can’t see what they’re doing but it doesn’t sound good
If the other capes aren't already on their way, you better just stay hidden and try to call whatever authorities are still operating and pray for the best. If you try to distract those Parademons yourself, you'll just get shredded for the sake of someone who might already be dead.
They’re moving on again. I’m scared to look at what they’ve done I can’t fricking move
Take some deep breaths, anon. Try to relax and once you're feeling up to it, check to see if she's still there and...well, "intact". Maybe if she is and you call for help the capes might still be able to save her, maybe with a dunk in that goo those assassins use or some shit or some hi-tech stuff over in their base, I dunno.
I looked i fricking looked. I can’t describe it I can’t i just there up holy frick this isn’t supposed to happen to superheroes what the frick
Just call 911, anon. Look out the window and see if there are any capes flying by and try to get their attention once you make sure there aren't any Parademons around.
They fricking strung her up man they stripped her and hung her from a fricking telephone pole. Her fricking intestines are hanging out how the frick can that be fixed
Call for someone to help anyway! We've seen these capes cheat death a million times before. This is just another Tuesday to them!
Well....shit. Is this what i get for hacking LexCorp? Frick it. As the irish say "aye frick that baldy wee c**t". Anyway, if I end up dying to these parademons, I want a quote on my tombstone to say "Penguin and Riddler are gay for each other" so i can watch them seethe from beyond the grave.
>dubs
Request granted, "Riddler and Penguin are gay for each other" will be a quote on your tombstone when you die.
Jesus Christ everyone turn on the news. The capes are getting slaughtered out there by these new parademons. Martian Manhunter and Vixen just got literally torn apart before they cut the feed. What the frick do we do?
Im bunkering down in my apartment and put a cold beer outside the door, Bueno still stalks my block and by now i figured out that he is fairly protective if you're appeasing him. God knows no Parademon wants to get Bueno'd either.
No way, why now... I've never told a woman that I love her, or enter a cloistered monastic order like the Carthusian...
WHAT DO I DO?
Call your mom and tell her you love her. Better than nothing.
I never had sex, and i'm and I'm not baptized...
oh well, guess i can sit and watch all burn.
So what we do? Pray for a miracle?
Thawne if this invasion work, all league die, flash die, we die, you lose your plaything, and you will die out boredom.
>Pray for a miracle
Might as well. Don't really see what else we can do beyond tampering with the machine again. And I really don't want anyone to be doing that.
We'll just have to wait for more news out of Metropolis. I don't want that machine being used either unless absolutely necessary.
Parademon update, we have reports that one of the green lanterns has been killed. Unknown which one at this time
Well, seems like having a sorcerer-magician for a girlfriend has paid off yet again!
OMG THE FLASH IS LYING IN A POOL OF HIS OWN INTESTINES AND BLOOD! HE GOT FRICKING RIPPED APART! THOSE PARADEMO-
Oh wait, it’s my handiwork lol!
Go the frick to bed, Thawne, we all know you didn't do it.
I can rewind and do it all again!
Bed.
We all know even your parents didn't love you, Thawne. Go to bed.
Well, I’m sure glad I didn’t go to Metropolis today. I took my girl out to a movie after her shift at Superbabes, and coming home to hear about this bullshit makes me glad we live in Gotham for once.
I hope farmanom is ok as well.
I'm sure he's fine. He's out there in the countryside near Gotham, far away from Metropolis. Plus, his girl was able to undo his kekking by Thawne, so he's in good company.
Farmanon here. Yeah, me and Emmylou are alright. We've been kinda busy making up for lost time after that Reverse Flash business, so I haven't had much time to sleep, admittedly.
Right now we're in the living room watching the Metropolis stuff on TV.
Her dad's away in Gotham on "business" so we have the farm all to ourselves 'till he gets back.
Also pic related is a cropped pic I took of Emmylou with my phone while we were "making up for lost time" like I said. She was the one who suggested I post it as a "thank you" for being concerned about me.
Damn, that's something dude. But this is a blue board, remember?
I know. But it's not showing anything explicit. Besides, I couldn't say no to her. Quite literally since she could crush my head like a ripe piece of fruit between her thighs if she wanted.
Well, if you two get caught, hopefully her dad doesn't frick you as hard as she does.
We've been careful on that front whenever he's around. She's a screamer, so we gotta be on our toes. Last time we overindulged we had to go into town the following day to buy Emmylou a new bed. We told her dad her old bed had termites so we had to throw it away.
It's only when he's not around that we get a bit bolder and end up doing it out in the open. Feels good, fricking in the semblance of fresh air we get out here.
Fascinating. Truly...fascinating.
On another note, I wonder why there are so many guys with superheroines for girlfriends in these threads. I mean, you don't hear about FemAnon with her boyfriend, Captain Frost or whatever. Wonder why.
Captain Frost? You must mean Captain Cold. I guess relationships with ice-themed superheroes and supervillains just aren't made to last. Just look at what happened with Mr. Freeze and his wife, or more recently, with Frostanon and Killer Frost.
Eh, I was meaning more, why don't we hear about why we don't hear from FemAnons with superboy/girlfriends. Just struck me as a little odd, that's all. Oh hey Zee's back from something, let me check on her, will be right back.
Frick man, it feels good to live behind the Mississippi and Rocky Mountains so that I don't have to deal with most of this crap, beyond the occasional kidnapping. It's weird that most superheroes are out east, asides from Zee, Green Lantern, and a few others. Wonder why that is.
DId you eat popcorn out of her breasts during the movie?
Nah, we saved the kinky stuff for later. I did get a handy halfway through the movie though.
Frickin' nice, anon. Good job.
Quick update, Zee has turned me into a girl. This has to be, what, the third time this month she's done it?
At least I'm a redhead this time around. I like redheads.
A sizeable group of Parademons have broken off from Metropolis and are now heading towards Gotham city. If you’re in Gotham I recommend evacuation
My and the GF are on our way out. I had her pack a few days worth of clothes and got the hell out of dodge. Right now we’re a halfway between the center of the city and the outskirts. Man, I hope Batman is on patrol tonight. I don’t like taking the train in a situation like this; people get jumpy real easy real fast, even for Gotham standards.
Just got a call from Emmylou's dad. He's gonna be stuck in Gotham for the time being. He says there's still work he has to finish before leaving. He's told us to start barricading the farmhouse, which we're working on as I write this. We've got enough supplies to last for a while, so hopefully we can wait this out.
BATMAN IS BRUCE WAYNE, AND HE SHITPOSTS ON Cinemaphile TELLING EVERYON TO THROW PEOPLE OFF THE TRAIL.
BREAKING NEWS THE HALL OF JUSTICE HAS BEEN TAKEN BY DARKSEIDS FORCES. CASUALTIES UNKNOWN AT THIS TIME. SUPERMAN IS MISSING
Well wish me luck anons I'm going to find Granny Goodness and ask her out on a date. If I'm gonna die I'm gonna go out like a mad lad
Well, we all maybe gonna die, so i will just say... I FIND ORCA REALLY ATTRACTIVE,
and I would love to have a romantic date with her.
At least you're honest about it. Very admirable of you, anon.
Well things are going bad to worse so...
I LOVE BIG AND STRONG WOMEN, I LOVE THE IDEA OF BEING HUG AND CUDDLE BY ONE!All OTHER WOMEN SEEMS SO BORING IN COMPARISON!
THAT'S WHY ORCA IS SO ATTRACTIVE!
AHHHHHHHHHHH!
Ok, autism moment over.
Jesus Christ turn the fricking news on the parademons aren’t killing the capes anymore.
THE PARADEMONS HAVE TAKEN THE WHITEHOUSE WHAT THE FRICK IS GOING ON
Riddle me this Batman!… if you ever find the answer on a Taiwanese durian eating forum!
Spiral staircase
Rhinoceros beetle
Desolation Row
Fig tart
Rhinoceros beetle
Via Dolorosa
Rhinoceros beetle
Singularity point
Giotto
Angel
Hydrangea
Rhinoceros beetle
Singularity point
Secret emperor
Best gig I ever did was to hench for the joker, he always need one sane henchman for the important jobs and pays like nobody else. But be warned, the other henchmen are always moronic and/or insane. You also need to know when to push one of the stooges to the spotlight so he can kill someone to vent his frustration or to make a point. Also NEVER enter a room if you hear Harley moaning. He doesn't mind people watching, but the shit they do will scar you for life.
Also a big downside is the bat. That psycho has some wierd relationship with the joker, I think they are courting in some fricked up way, and goes extra hard on the henchmen as if we are to blame for the joker's kills.
Btw, NEVER work for two-face or the pinguin. Two-face will randomly kill you with some moronic cointoss, while the pinguin will destroy your life and that of your friends and relatives for some imagined slight.
Half of America is literally being anally raped by parademons right now and you’re giving goon advice? What use will that be?
We get invaded by aliens or demons atleast twice per decade. Just keep your head down in a comfy bunker and everything will be fine in a few days.
Half the Justice League are dead! That doesn’t normally happen! This is it, this is the one that kills us all i can feel it
Shit, you are right. I just saw a video of batgirl being eaten alive. Guess it's time to call doctor sivana and beg for that open henchman position. Pay sucks and i'm pretty sure that they guy is a pedo seeing how he keeps stalikng a kid, but I should be safe on venus.
Which batgirl was it, we need to keep a list of those alive and not
The ninja one who can't read read.
Jesus Christ if that ones dead then the rest of the bats are fricked. Get your ass to Venus
Anyone got an updated list of which capes are dead?
So far confirmed dead or missing are
Wonder Woman
Martian Manhunter
Vixen
Green Lantern (the ginger one)
The Flash
Beast Boy
Hawkgirl
One of the Batgirls, unconfirmed which
Superman is missing so we don’t know if he’s alive or dead
Cyborg
Plastic Man was in a power station that exploded but we don’t have confirmation of his death
Guys, batman is dual wielding M60's against the parademons! The world is really ending if the bat is using firearms.. wait, he is fighting back to back with the Joker?! WTF IS HAPPENING!
Frick it, if everything's going to shit, may as well do one big hack for the big finish.
Arkham Asylum records.
Leak Harleys nudes for us i wanna see the real deal before the Parademons use my skin as an appetiser
This
and Ivy's nudes too!
Did the thing. Now i pretty much know everybody in Arkham's identity now....well, everyone except Joker, that fricker must have some top-notch bullshit techniques. "Jack Napier" sounds like a fake name.
Didn't come empty handed!
https://files.catbox.moe/3xuywg.png
Oh nice! Seeing as the worlds ending will the Bat reall care if we take a peak into his files? Can you find anything of the Batgirl that got eaten. Always wanted to see more of her
Frick it, let's go for it. Do i dare try to find out his identity?...Well, sure. I mean, may as well do something big before parademons find me.
If you can go for it. My main want is pics of Batgirl. Preferably before she was eaten
I did it. Frick it. I'm leaking it all.
Bruce Wayne / Batman (leader)
Cassandra Cain / Orphan / Batgirl (black haired)
Claire Clover / Gotham Girl
Barbara Gordon / Batgirl / Oracle
Selina Kyle / Catwoman
Julia Pennyworth
Duke Thomas / Robin / Lark / The Signal
Damian Wayne / Robin
Stephanie Brown / Spoiler / Batgirl (blonde one)
Henry "Hank" Clover Jr. / Gotham (deceased)
Timothy "Tim" Drake / Robin / Red Robin
Richard "Dick" Grayson / Robin / Nightwing / Batman / Agent 37
Lucas "Luke" Fox / Batwing
Katherine "Kate" Kane / Batwoman (ginger)
Basil Karlo / Clayface (retired after faking his own death)
Alfred Pennyworth (deceased)
Harper Row / Bluebird (retired)
Jason Todd / Robin / Red Hood
Jean-Paul Valley / Azrael
David Zavimbe / Batwing
Minhkhoa "Khoa" Khan / Ghost-Maker
Harleen Quinzel / Harley Quinn
Well, i'll be a son of a b***h, the schizos were right. There's also some i couldn't give less of a frick about.
Did you find any nudes?
Oh yeah, all 3
Ginger: https://files.catbox.moe/cv524m.png
Blonde: https://files.catbox.moe/bufibn.png
Black: https://files.catbox.moe/ibo2h8.png
My apologies to BatgirlAnon but i gotta provide the goods.
Damn what a nice body the mute one had. Shame she got eaten. Do you think the Parademons left anything behind?
Maybe, i dunno. I wouldn't go check if i were you though, they're probably still lurking.
Sorry mate, it's business. I'll understand if she kicks the shit outta me though, new timeline's coming up.
Holy shit they left the head! Her heads left. Um… what do I do now i just have batgirls head
I dunno, keep it in the fridge if you wanna keep it? Fricked if I know.
Fricked if i know… fricked… anon you just gave me an amazing idea
>BRUCE WAYNE IS BATMAN
>BRUCE WAYNE IS BATMAN
>BRUCE WAYNE IS BATMAN
YOU DOUBTED ME
LOOK WHO'S LAUGHING NOW, homosexualS
Three claps for you, schizo.
Anon is found dead of suicide with 2 shots in the back of the neck.
Alright, time to get the time machine up and running, people! Let’s do some frickery! PLEASE I DON’T WANNA DIE
Alright, then do we set it for after Thawne's defeat but before the Parademons arrive? That way BatgirlAnon or ZeeAnon can tell their gfs about what's gonna happen.
Let’s set it to right after Thawne’s defeat. Then we can warn everyone about the parademons.
Sounds good to me. You think we should bring some kinda proof that we're from the future or do you think Batman or the League has tech that can tell them that?
Jesus Christ, ripped straight out of my phone. Guess first thing I'm doing after warning Batgirl is getting a new one in this new timeline.
Definitely. Talk about some sort of event that’ll happen before it happens, like a news report or something outside happening. Then spill the beans about everything.
HOLY SHIT Parademons have breached Titans Tower. Real footage from inside
FRICKING HELL ONE’S ON THE CAR
SHAKE EM POWER ANON SHAKE EM. IF YOU SEE A CAPE DRIVE TOWARDS THEM THEYLL SACRIFICE THEMSELVES FOR YOU THEY’RE moronic LIKE THAT
JUST HANG ON FOR A FEW MORE MINUTES! ME AND BATGIRL ARE ALMOST TO THE MACHINE!
>they're putting Weaponized Autism's leaks on the news as everything's falling apart
Even the news outlets have run out of fricks to give now.
Alright, I'm at the machine. Just need a few moments to warm it up and set it for the right timeframe.
I just hope these walls hold up against any stray Parademons while I punch in the numbers...
ANON THEYVE GOT BATGIRL, YOUR BATGIRL
She seems to be doing fine from what I'm seeing, but I should hurry before they actually do get her! She doesn't have a goddamn M60 like Batman.
BATGIRL ANON SHES ON THE NEWS FEED THE DEMONS ARE GOING AT HER HOLY SHIT
https://files.catbox.moe/btlwyu.jpeg
Hell of a time for you to be posting ancient Batgirl cosplay porn, dude...
Alright, I've double-checked everything, the machine's primed to send us back just a few hours after Thawne's defeat, so we can forego the need for digits just this once and still have plenty of time to warn the capes about the invasion.
See you on the other side, anons.
Anon did you input the right date? You didn’t mispress did you?
I double-checked everything. Thawne's gone and the invasion hasn't happened yet. Don't be alarmed if a few minor things are out of whack. You don't become a specialist in tampering with the rules of space and time overnight
probably just came home from a cosplay party or something.
I don’t recognise this suit. Any capes with a gold and black armoured suit? Odd logo like a rune or something
post logo?
I’ve got this on my chest for some reason, also there’s something on my bedside table covered in cloth. Kind scared to take off the cloth
Sounds like some egypt shit, anon. Be careful about taking the cloth off.
StarLabsanon here, the timeline shifted again.
Just found out i'm the cousin of a extremely hot Tamarean girl who is the HOT daughter of Starfire.
And she isn't a fat goth like in the old earth.
Thanks BatgirlAnon, i owe you one.
Not sure what batgirlanon did to the timeline but i just woke up in my apartment in a fricking costume? Am i a cape? No fricking way
Weaponized Autism reporting. Timeline definitely reset alright. Why do i have breasts now.
Betcha five bucks that was BatgirlAnon trolling you after you posted nudes of his girl
I'm pretty sure you're dressed up as Doctor Fate, dude. I don't know much about him beyond what he looks like, but I'd be careful about taking the cloth off of anything in that house.
Fair, i kinda deserved that.
The last thing i remember was seen a swarm of demons coming to my city,after i profess my love for strong women here...
I lost some weight....It was just that.
Any other changes for you guys?
Are you buff?
I took off the cloth...this was under it...am...am I Dr Fate in this timeline?!
Well shit, I guess you are, anon. Have fun.
What does this mean? How do I do magic? Why would I be Fate? How does someone become Fate? Will I get new memories form this timeline? I need some explanation. Where’s Zeeanon I need him to ask his gf what I should do she knows magic
Holy shit, we went from anons who are dating capes to anons BECOMING capes. Anyone woke up with a big bat or a big S on their chest?
>Anyone woke up with a big S on their chest?
Technically. It looks like the latest timeline frickery erased the SG/PG cosplay porn that made Supergirl dump me. I've got my relationship back and I still remember the best porn that ever existed. Win-win.
Guess I better study meditation and memory enhancing techniques.
Honestly, a no-name person is better as fate than a trained homosexual magi. If you really don't want to be Fate, then take a trip to Gotham and find a random dying homeless guy (there's usually one per street corner) or cancer patient and shove the helmet on his head. Tell Fate about the timeline frickery and ask if his current host is acceptable for long-term use. If not, then he'll figure out a solution (he'll either have you keep on trying to find more people or he'll ask you to hand the helmet to someone who will find the next host)
AND DON'T TOUCH THE HELMET WITH YOUR BARE HANDS UNTIL AFTER YOU'VE GIVEN FATE A TEMPORARY HOST!
He can control people holding the helmet (usually to make them put it on)
Alright, I’ll throw it on some homeless guy and talk to Fate, just gotta get out of this tower first. Not in my normal apartment there’s a bunch of wacky magical shit here. Some of the new timeline memories are appearing. I was married in this universe. What the frick I was married?!
We’re back! Oh thank god that got bad. Alright, I’m grabbing my GF right now and making our way to a bunker. I’m no cape and even though she dresses like one, she ain’t either. Unless the timeline altering changed that.
Call her and ask if she’s ok but do it in a casual way. Actually check her contact is even on your phone. Who knows what the timeline shift did
I just woke up in bed with both my Batgirl and the dark-haired, quiet one asleep next to me, naked. So I guess the timeline alteration affected me as well. I'll try to get my bearings and wait for them to wake up before I tell them about the invasion.
uh hi guys, but I don't think I existed in the last timeline
I fricking hate Crisis events
Ok so, I found my way out. This Tower is luckily in Gotham so lots of homeless people. Threw it on some guy and he turned into Fate. I tried to explain everything to Fate, or Nabu I guess. He just kept repeating the same thing over and over.
“You are needed”
Eventually I just said frick it. I’ve put the helmet on and I’m going for a fly around the city. Something to help keep my head cool while I get my new memories
Alright, I called Sara. Her name was changed to Lara, and she’s still not the actual Powergirl. I picked her up and we’re on our way to a bunker we can hide out in. Here’s hoping we’ll be alright this time.
Alright, time line reset...Okay, let's see here...
>I'm apparently married but i have no idea who the hell my husband is, i don't see him around
>I now have another job, i'm also an Iceberg Lounge girl
>Kinda weird change but I now own a green umbrella? For some reason?
>I still retain all my hacking abilities and my previous memories of the leaks i posted though they're probably invalid now thanks to the timeline reset
This is fricking weird. I just hope that "mysterious husband" isn't Penguin.
New memories have synched up. Benefits of magic I guess. I had a wife, a family. They’re gone now...all gone. On my way to the hall of justice to warn about the invasion. Not even gonna hide the timeline shift. They need to know
Alright, so apparently the quiet Batgirl's become just as talkative and friendly as the blonde now. She used to barely talk, now she's a regular chatterbox.
My Batgirl's pretty much the same except she's noticeably more toned now. Not quite to the black-haired Batgirl's level, but a definate change.
Alright, if you're on the way to the Hall of Justice already I'll leave the explanation up to you. Doctor Fate stands a better chance of quickly convincing the League than two Batgirls and a random nobody like me.
You’d better come as well. You did cause this new timeline after all. Get your pants on and get over here
Yeah, you're probably right. Gimme a bit to get dressed and I'll meet you outside the Hall of Justice. Gold and black outfit, right?
The big Helmet kinda gives it away