A while back I was writing a story about my small town upbringing, high school and girls and all the rest. This evolved into a series of jokes that, in hindsight were very Normanesque. Posted a few on other boards and bombed. Would Cinemaphile like to pass final judgement? Is this where I find redemption?
 Nothing Ever Happens Shirt $21.68 |
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Nothing Ever Happens Shirt $21.68 |
no, and you won't, sorry senpai
Well that was fast. Cinemaphile and /LULZ/ didn't produce a single chuckle. I was saving the best for last but I've already failed.
well post some then
Okay.
I dated a girl for about a month in the 9th grade. We'd have coffee together every morning and I could hardly even speak to her. You know how it is, a young guy gets nervous. And talking isn't easy when she's sitting on your face. Nice girl, and far too pretty for me. She left me, naturally. Claimed I never had anything to say. Ah well, her best friend was a better lay anyway. Guy was hung like a horse. Yeah I picked up a few chicks my first year, but it was as a sophomore that I really shined. I tried telling the janitor I wasn't authorized on the buffer and he called me a bureaucrat.
this is garbage anon, i don't know what you thought was funny about this at all
I was very high. I was churning them out, off the cuff. This just happened. But no more excuses.
The gym teacher always flunked me. The guy really had it out for me. Every semester I'd be the only kid with an F. He claimed it was because I refused to change into my uniform. I just didn't understand why nobody else had to wear lingerie.
i feel like you're trying very hard to hit a schtick that's already been done a million times
Yeah I should have mentioned how derivative these are beforehand. I mentioned that before posting elsewhere. I just wanted to see what kind of reaction I'd get, it's interesting to me. General consensus is they're all shit lol.
Because they are, stop this immediately. You never had sex by the way.
i mean keep trying bro, but don't do someone else's comedy. think about what happened to Mencia when he just stole gimmicks and jokes
Keep trying anon. If you believe you'll make it
stop.
We starting getting older and so did the girls and I couldn't figure out why they looked so good all of a sudden. One day they were one of the guys and the next their shirts were filling up and their jeans hugged their asses and my wiener would just about burst through the zipper. I never fricked any of the girls from our town and that's a point of pride for me. If I'd made that mistake everyone would have known about my three inch hog. I was already voted most humble in the yearbook, so I'm glad it never came out I was also the most hung.
Stop immediately, incel, I will not read this
this falls apart because you're saying you got failed for wearing it, but then somehow you were forced to wear it. bro stop
It's not really that bad. Don't listen to the pretentious gays here who treat stand up like it's an actual artform (lmao)
Most standup jokes are just as shitty, even Norms. It's all about presentation and even Norm admitted as much which is why he said there's ways to be great at standup without being funny.
So if I reworked some of these jokes (there are like 100) and did a 5 minute set with impeccable delivery and you were in the audience would you laugh? Hiss? Am I bombing with this? Complete hypothetical.
One thing I really liked was how inclusive people up north were. My crew looked like a UN members meeting and I didn't even notice at the time. You respected your friends and you judged them for their character, not the color of their skin. Hell we even had a black guy. It was a different time.
write jokes for 1000 more hours and maybe you'll have something worth it, based on this i don't think so
That's totally fair, thanks for the feedback. Maybe I'll do that on the side, this is the only comedy I've ever written.
bro... you just posted cringe
Not bad
>I dated a girl for about a month in the 9th grade. We'd have coffee together every morning and I could hardly even speak to her. You know how it is, a young guy gets nervous. And talking isn't easy when she's sitting on your face.
This is good, but turns bad. Write more, keep writing it’ll become easier and you’ll write better.
The Easter bunny is also ok, but it feels off.
You are degrading yourself too much and at the same time praising yourself too much. Pick one, or stick to middle ground.
Hey this is actually good! Record your standup and post it please
Best of the bunch imo
this isn't "normesque" at all, this is just your garden-variety newbie to stand-up
also, don't ever go out of your way to emulate norm's style since it will never work
I would never do such a thing anon, this was just something that my drugged mind spat out. These jokes won't go any further than right here. I'm no comedian, just wanted to share.
are you being ironic anon
this is complete shit
not 1% funny
is this post just a
>haha norm humour is so bad and my 'joke' is so bad they'll laugh at it haha
Yes.
Because I got a pleasant surprise. It all worked out.
(you)
Also come on, the floor buffer one is gold. I like the Easter bunny one too. The jokes are mostly based on my life but I don't take pride in them. I write and sometimes I get high first and what happens after that is literally beyond me. The jokes I like here are the ones I would laugh at if someone else used them. Just like I can write good lyrics sometimes knowing I couldn't perform them myself. There's a disconnect. I just wanted outside perspective because I genuinely couldn't tell if they were funny.
Pretty funny, but pretty cringe to describe as "normesque," which is why you're getting flak from the other (admittedly also cringe) replies
It wouldn't be uncommon to see a kid go from preppy to goth to jock to wigger within a months time. One even cut his wiener off. Really sweet girl, and gave great head to boot. Speaking of which, high school marked the beginning of my pants getting a little snug whenever I was around the ladies. Nobody ever complained about me hanging out at the preschool play ground, which was a pleasant surprise. I'd had plenty of girlfriends in the past, even if they didn't know it, but this was a whole different ballpark. No idea how I got so turned around but once I was back on campus I just couldn't believe some of these girls, by God. One even told me her dad was the Easter bunny.
trim the fat and all you have is a sub par pedo joke
Please stop
I'm almost done. Already blew my wad anyway.
I lived for track and field. The thing is all of our meets were indoors, and I would use the lack of a proper training facility as the reason I came in last against all those black fellas in the 55 meter. Yeah I thought I was pretty quick right up until I got into the sport where being fast is all there is. Sex aside, I faced some stiff competition out there, and some white guys too. To say I was devastated wouldn't cut it. I mean being the fastest guy in the group had always been my thing. I never once had to eat the waffle. I mean running was my life. Someone called me a little light in loafers and I thanked him. When I found out what the jerk really meant I offered to suck his wiener.
Most jokes work much better when read out loud with good delivery.
It's not about the joke, it's about the delivery
Norm was never funny. Chuds just worship him because he was the only christcuck comedian and didn't believe in DNA.
ok predditor
Why did Norm go through all these surgeries and other medical treatments? Why didn't he just pray the cancer away or touch a holy relic or something?
I think he used up his praying to get rid of his homosexual fantasies
There is nothing more cringe than losers larping as their favourite comedians online, as if they have anywhere near the cleverness. Learn to be original instead of comparing yourself to Norm fricking Macdonald
The most interesting thing about (school name) was that unlike your conventional high school, this was an entire campus. Until you got into the swing of things getting lost was inevitable. They'd put you in the bin until someone claimed you. Luckily there was a designated building for housing freshmen, so it wasn't so bad when you were just coming in. Even to this day it's a great spot to pick up chicks, so long as you don't mind humping an old bag.
You belong in a garbage can
One of my favorite classes that year was science and usually my girl would walk me to that one. A few of the boys from back in the day were trapped in there with me, and every time we'd kiss goodbye she would get jealous.
Really a great place, I wish someone had told me how fast it goes and to enjoy it. To be fair I was a smart kid so I only attended two years. Then I dropped out and got a job. I wonder from time to time how my life would be different now if I'd chosen the technical school. I guess I'd know half of a trade.
OK I'll give it shot.
I'm from Tunisia, I sound funny when I speak in English, you know that heavy accent Arabs have.
Some tourist find it funny and they try to be mean, so they start to talk slower, like I'm moronic or something... Anyway I always thought it was funny because if another tourist heard them they ll think they are moronic
But you know moronic is such bad word, everyone want to ban it. But did everyone ask the morons? They should have an opinion, don't you think?
Imagine if people called me tall, which is not true, but I still like to keep it.
Like for exemple, my wife she like to do a bit of a role play, something nasty,you know. She tell me to call her a bawd and this and that, it make me feel weird to be honest, cause when I do it I'm not even made at her, she is you know... You know what they call it, the thing grown up do, well hopefully we don't children to get in on this stuff too soon, it will ruin the fun for them. Anyway my wife, right, she want to me call her a bawd during sex and I can't do it, so she get upset and she ask me why don't you call me a bawd, can't just do this one for me, one simple thing. And I start to get mad, so i feel like I'm getting there, you know, bawd! Not the other thing. So she keep talking and talking. It s surprising to me, did you know that picking food, actually deciding what to eat, is a hard thing to do without a menu. So I asked her well why don't you get menu? That seem like a good thing to do, right. So she tell me we are not a restaurant you dumb frick,so I say we'll I'm paying you b***h. I said it out loud, with so much anger, I really made her happy that night. I still don't know what's for dinner, that's what I want to know, maybe I should try in Arabic. Do you think I'm moronic?
Last one and I'm spent. A single laugh was more than I'd hoped for and that was surpassed. God bless you all. Cinemaphile and /LULZ/ eternally btfo. And thanks for reading.
Another popular summer past time was one that we had to wait for: partying. We'd sit around and tell stories we'd heard about what kind of crazy antics the older kids would get into at these shindigs. Between the drinking, the drugs and the depraved acts of sexual violence we all knew one thing for certain: 5th grade was going to be awesome.
Goodnight everybody!
If making a single person laugh for more than you expected then why did you post your jokes? Wasting everyone's time isn't very Normesque, it's more *ABNORM"esque. Just my own little attempt at jokes. As in like abnormal. Anyway, it's a pretty rude thing to do
have a nice day moron