Jessica Biel should play ASSpocalypse
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Now that the X-men are back
Jessica Biel should play ASSpocalypse
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she looks like a monkey
what monkey?
daaaaaaaamn she stacked!
would
also id frick this bodacious starfish
that's DC
Huh. Funny coincidence. I just had a dream about Jessica Biel last night. It was not a sexy dream unfortunately.
I have never dreamed about Biel.
Tell us.
old hag
You sound like a rosti, did she ruin your marriage?
Still has the best ass in Hollywood.
true
>Jessica Biel
old hag.
memerio's gay is still pissed because he lost
She is so wonderful. Why doesn't she act more?
Act like what?
Daddario looks better without makeup
she should play Colossus
ColASSus?
her ass is mid
is it an April Fools' Day joke?
Gorgeous, that headband really does it for me for some reason.
>Gorgeous
she is
Horse-face girls look way better when wearing a headband.
Cool razor Ramon shirt
Jessica Biel has horse teeth. She should play the Bojack horseface
no, she doesn't
Gross
Huge mouth and teeth. Along with a huge ass. Her nose helps nothing. Ugly woman. to give her some credit, she WAS and I mean a long time ago, attractive in her early 20's. Honey, you ain't no more. Fug...
I'm still sad she never got to shine in a proper lead role in an action movie. Sure there's Blade Trinity, but she's very second fiddle there. For fricking once - especially back then in the 00s - there is an actress who combines conventional femininity with actual athletic look very well, and you don't have a Lara Croft movie for her or some shit?
she was wasted
I'm also reminded of Ellen Hollman who is much more noname but is also in that intersection of being: 1) conventionally attractive and feminine; 2) athletic and into fit lifestyle; 3) an adequately decent actress.
She is a longtime wife of one of the people in 87Eleven Action (the crew that's been putting together John Wicks and other stuff lately) and is very much into stuntwork and action choreography herself, does jiu jitsu for a long time, etc.
Ellen never got her big action break either, but at least she has a few such roles in smaller productions. Her best known role is Saxa on Spartacus, she's also an action princess in Scorpion King 4, has a couple other actiony B-movies, and she's been doing a bunch of "shorts" (aka "promo vids of stunt companies") with people from 87Eleven. She was finally cast in Matrix 4, but she has an extremely tiny role in there - she is that fake Trinity from the opening of the movie.
Finally, last year, at 40, she got pregnant - I guess she officially gave up on "making it" in the big leagues as an action star or otherwise. Had an amazing body in her prime, too.
Weren't all those people Australian? not even big boobs slave got a career
At a glance from Wikipedia, Spartacus is a roughly equal mix of Australian and [US or British, grouped together] actors.
Yeah, none of them are doing "great" career-wise, I think like four or so are also known from capeshit tv series. But it's not like it's because Spartacus ruined their hypothetical future careers. It's more the opposite, Spartacus didn't attract stars (unless you count Lucy Lawless?) or stars-in-the-making.
Speaking of Lucy Lawless, what does Cinemaphile think of Jessica Biel as Xena in a hypothetical reboot sometime in the late 00s?
>But it's not like it's because Spartacus ruined their hypothetical future careers.
I never thought that
>not even big boobs slave got a career
Jai courtney had the biggest career from that show.
I remember her in Spartacus, she was hot as frick
was she nude in Spartacus?
>Ellen Hollman
she is so sexy in roaf house 2 form the 00s. She walks around with low ride jeans and her sexy tummy.
And what of good solonious?
yesterday there was a thread about Danger Girl, I read she was linked to a movie about it but it didn't happen, I also read she had to drop WW because the project never happened either
On a similar note, Megan Fox purchased the rights to some comic book about a mermaid with superpowers, but then aged out of the role while trying to get the project greenlit.
Perfect
Too ugly for Lara Croft.
I didn't mean necessarily Lara at all cost. Although Lara - even the very first OG Classic Lara - shouldn't be a pornstar bimbo either; a nice slightly weathered look of a late 20s woman who knows how to look after herself but spends time outdoors and doesn't care about pretty makeup when out in the field would be nice.
I mean any prominent lead action role really. Any kind of warrior, combatant, adventurer, soldier, whatever.
What was really needed was someone to convince her for a full nudity project, it didn't happen either.
Body of a Greek goddess, face of a Norse horse.
Oh yeah, this too.
I'd settle for two-in-one - give me a two hour sexy and sweaty gladiatrix movie where prime age Jessica fights naked or nearly naked, against other sexy women and against well-built men, with fists and with swords, and wrestles in the sand and in the mud and stuff.
you wouldn't have convinced her with that
for Asspocalypse, the ass
"Jessica, in this next scene you kick a man in his bare balls with your sandal in front of spectators, but then he kicks you in your bare pussy in return. Now here's the twist: we show everything."
no, it wouldn't work
hollywood doesn't cast fitness girls in main action roles
they prefer sticks
And it looks so awful.
Like, you don't even need to go for the kinds of girls whom Cinemaphile would call "that's a man". Just cast someone who looks like she can do a pull-up. Instagram is chock-full of this "fit girl but not eww too fit" body type and men and women drool over them.
Women only start becoming attractive after 35. So what older actresses bring to the table is actually being attractive.
Meant to be a reply to
I don't see any candidates for Moira MacTaggert here.
>Moira MacTagger
who played her?
Rose Byrne in the Fox movies.
just use her again
She doesn't have the right kind of Scottishness to her.
but she goes on her undies
They dont cast fitness girls period, you would think wonderwoman would be fit but nope.
hate it when hags still think they are young
t. ugly hag
It's better to hire an actress who is exactly like Biel except younger, hotter and cheaper. What exactly do older actresses bring to the table?
>who is exactly like Biel
such a thing doesn't exist
There aren't any horse faced actresses today?
bobbi dylan
>Jessica Biel playing marvel character
no makeup needed
She should just do porn
Just cast her as Mystique already
>Biel only with blue body paint
theaters would be mess after screening
imagine two hours of this
With ai that'll be reality, biel walking around modeling herself for you. Put her in your waifus clothing if you want to.
AI will not be able to generate her, call me when clones are available
You already can, just not on a movie level easily
prove it
My queen
>Age 42 years
Best I can do is Spiral.
She has training doing the kind of stuntwork it would require. She's done comedy and a Mojoverse X-men movie would be light in tone.
Hmm...I like it.
Problem is there's no chance in hell the MCU X-men encounter Mojo within even the first three installments of the franchise. So that makes Biel around 45 by the time of filming. When she's already pushing it at 42.
Mojoverse episodes are filler.
Most of the time, but not always. Mojoverse stories tend to be good at clearing up dangling plot threads because it provides the convenient explanation of Mojoverse-shit.
>how did X character get their powers back? Mojo-shit
>how did X character get their memories restores? mojoshit
>how did X character get back to earth after being stranded in deep space? mojoshit
but Longshot
C-lister at best
I mean, Longshot is always involved and that's boring.
nice
>Spiral
>spins
bravo Nolan
She can play Storm
Multiple Man, countless number of Biels, 3 hour movie
Bielposting is still a thing here? I thought it's not 2015 anymore
Bielposting is eternal but not allowed
Qt.
She could please Charles
she's ridiculously attractive
"S"he should play a trans X-Men
Because "she's" clearly a man
Or maybe someone who has horse powers?
some people have shit in their heads
Where can I get that Iggy Pop Tshirt?
and JT as Gambit
-5'7" height
- long brownish hair
-green eyes
-beautiful face
-athletic but curvy body
-tomboyish
-hot as hell
She's just like the cartoon, Marvel really failed by not casting her as Rogue.