>people here unironically like this shit
>pure 80s shlock shit
>bloated run time
>disappointing battle sequences
>horrendous special effects and ending
Score is nice, I'll give you that, but what the frick? Finally saw it after the hype it seemingly has around here and I was ready to turn it off after Conan left the snake tower.
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>pure 80s shlock shit
its a way of life
It's a fun adventure movie with breasts, friends, and revenge. What's not to like?
There's no story and Conan is an unlikable character?
>Conan
>unlikable
sorry he didn't do any Marvel quips for you
>Arnold
>not doing quips
I haven't watched that one but I find that hard to believe
You are so fricking stupid i dont even know what to say
>babby at a loss for words
>all he can think of flinging insults, like a monkey with a fistful of poop
many such cases!
Meds
But he's right, Arnold was an absolute quip-machine in most of his movies.
Except Conan. At least the first one. It's surprisingly has a frick tone of sections with no dialogue for an action film.
It's because Arnold wasn't really famous as an actor at that point, he was mostly a big pile of muscles. In his previous movie he was even redubbed.
That would be the case if everyone else talked for him but no, movie has long stretches where no one speaks and shit just happens. Compare it to Destroyer, now that's the quipfest in contrast. But gets better in the second half.
Miller's Crossing
The Human Condition
The Great Silence
Cranes are flying
High and Low
>that list
Lmao. You just subscribed to the Criterion Channel this past week or something?
I would literally rather die than pay for a movie that I'm not watching in a cinema. Your impotence won't change the fact that you got filtered by a sword and sorcery movie and have a shit taste.
Are you 80 or something? Senile much? Take your meds and watch more movies, then we'll talk.
Hear you loud and clear, zoom zoom I'll let you know that dozens of capeshit extravaganzas you've watched does not make you a cinaphile you make yourself out to be in your mind.
I'm saying an established Ahnold would have insisted on including quips.
Arnold literally grab a female boob and punches a camel in this. It was a different time.
He said Marvel quips which are not the same as based Arnold clips.
They are.
Okay you made your point, they're clearly much worse.
>literally anything
>worse than marvelshit
Yeah no
Objectively, yes.
>Objectively
kek marvelshit has the worst visuals, stories and acting imaginable. Denial of this is pure cope spewed by trannies and homosexuals.
Your constant use of hyperbole makes it incredibly easy to say that yes, your statements are objectively wrong.
>marveltroony thinks his shit isn't fricking terrible
>"i-it's all hyperbole"
You're a troony homosexual who is spewing cope. Marvelshit is objectively trash and you don't get to call anybody wrong about anything since your taste is so terrible.
An Arnold one liner is an identifiable situational joke.
A Marvel quip is an irreverent non witticism designed to signal the audience that they're in on the joke too.
He's also just an inherently charming guy with a lot of personal magnetism, which is why his one-liners don't fall flat. Even though his English is broken as frick he tries so hard.
Delivery and intent definitely help.
Legolas and Gimli's banter in the movies comes across as a genuine friendship, for example. Legolas asking if he wants a stool, or Gimli saying that still only counts as one land because they're not trying to be obnoxious breasts for the sake of it.
Put that in the hands of a Marvel director, and you've got Tony Stark being a smug c**t for the sake of it.
Literally most Marvel quips are of the former variety. Your judgement is clearly clouded by something.
You're a moron and an unlikable piece of shit?
Sorry. Lets make Conan a butch black woman. Better?
Can you tell me what about him you think is unlikable?
not like this...
It was stolen by a better call saul homosexual
he should have been a trans black wxmxn.
>Conan
>Unlikable
Enough talk!
If you are a homosexual , than yeah you probably wont like it
THEN TO HELL WITH YOU
>There's no story
there is one, it's a simple story but does its job.
>Conan is an unlikable character?
guess he's too toxic for you
it was a little ambitious for 1982, but it works
The best Oliver Stone project
you wouldn’t get it
Your bait needs a lot more work. Come back in a few years when you're in the know-how.
Probably because you're a fricking moron with shit taste
You sound like a gay.
Opinion discarded.
Wow, sucks to be you.
He punch the camel
Frick off- moron
woman or homosexual
Probably both!
And fat!
Gays love Arnie movies
My mom loved this movie
its a perfect movie for when you are hanging out with the boys
Holy crap , how tall is Arnie 6'2 or something?
Yeah, but Andre was 7''3
People here love schlock provided it was made before they turned 20.
Schlock back then wasn't all pozzed and woke though. It didn't take itself too seriously and just came across as genuine and fun.
>Schlock back then wasn't all pozzed and woke though. It didn't take itself too seriously and just came across as genuine and fun.
Look up the movie Furious, and watch it if you aren't spazzing out in derangement because it's Russian.
I would but Slava Ukraini. Also your movie about Stalingrad was just 1/10 garbage, I'm sorry, but it was.
Why would I spazz out if its Russian? Russian movies are generally based.
That's some serious muh feelings cope, lel.
I watched it for the first time at 34 and I liked it
yeah it's a bit silly but it works and the soundtrack is amazing
it has nothing to do with "nostalgia"
Convincing for a film set in a fantasy land and made in a decade where there was far more schlocky shit and costumes
The age of bait had a good run but when will it end?
Arnie can't act like... at all.
Thank god for James Earl Jones
>James Earl Jones
>wearing white people hair
Why? And why was he so pissed at Conan? And why was Conan turning that wheel? This movie was dumb.
>>James Earl Jones
>>wearing white people hair
In Robert E Howard's Hyborian Age, blacks are basically all charcoal dark ooga booga Bantus. James Earl Jones isn't really portraying a sub-Saharan African. He is a foreign interloper into Conan's Cimmeria but not necessarily a Black.
He's stygian (egyptian)
>James Earl Jones isn't really portraying a sub-Saharan African
And that's a good thing because it wasn't current year.
>it's not all spelled out for me
>I need to be spoonfed
Overrated. But don't give up, Conan the Destroyer, The Barbarians and Deathstalker II are legitimately good if you're into this genre.
I acctually prefer Red Sonja to Destroyer.
Zoomzoom hands typed this.
filtered as frick
it's proto lord of the rings with a great symphonic score, and the relationship between conan and thulsa doom is kino
>horrendous special effects
Those snakes and demons are better looking than any cringe CGI of today. Choke on your estrogen, troony Black person homosexual.
Everyone thinks that at first. You'll watch it in a few years and see and most of all hear absolute kino.
>T doesn't want to live forever
filtered
I'm a few stories short of finishing Conan, haven't seen the films yet.
Does he fight any apes or giant snakes in them?
no and yes
That's a fair adaptation then, a ton of the stories have him fighting either an ape or a snake
The snakes are central in the story here, including giant ones.
kys zoomie, you’ll never be able to appreciate true kino
Sir change your sandy tampon
It has soul
You don't
Simple as
Sigh. OP being OP again
Yeah, not enough homosexuals and PoC. Since that's all that matters these days.
Love this latest meme where we pretend we don't like Conan. Stellar work as always, Cinemaphile
ZOOMIE
ZOOM
ZOOM
>absolute best dialogue of all time
>shit
kys
Hate to see what your favorite movies are lol. Please stay away from paper and pen
>all of these autistic rage posts over an opinion
Really doing the movie and fanbase justice, guys. Thanks to the three people being more understanding. Maybe I'll check out the others and rewatch this a few months from now. All I know is I couldn't help feel let down by it.
We can't help that you have a shit taste troony.
Post hands or top five favorite movies
Freddy Got Fingered
Redline
Rocky 1
Encounters at the End of the World
Blade Runner
lmao grow a thicker skin homosexual
And acquire better taste while you at it
But I somehow doubt you will with that gay ass holier-than-thou attitude
You should have known better than to think Cinemaphile would be open to criticism against one of their rare pet echo-chamber movies. If it wasn't obvious this place is more about morons having a sense of belonging than discussing movies.
But isn't there pol for that? Why come here pretending to know anything about movies? Why waste your time like that when there's hundreds of other cultural wastelands to wither away in?
Because of Gamergate.
Most moronic OP I’ve seen on Cinemaphile in more than 13 years
I watched it two decades ago and thought it was schlock.
But then I watched it again a decade ago and realized it was kino.
Some movies you need to mature into to like. As a young person they'll just go over your head.
It's Conan the Barbarian anon, literally a franchise aimed at children.
>As a young person they'll just go over your head.
I saw this in the theater when it came out
I was 14 and we had to buy tickets to a PG movie and sneak in
We loved it
What's it like being the world's biggest pleb?
Seethe more, homosexual.
dilate your fake pussy troon
>perfect scenes with music only (wheel, sword tomb, etc)
>perfect monologue scenes (prayer to krom)
>perfect dialogue scenes (THAT is power)
If you dont admire this movie you need to have your brain fricking checked
please have a nice day you disgusting zoomer rat
>Score is nice
It's the greatest score ever created.
Conan the Destroyer is a bit better, but neither is as good as the short stories which are easy to find for free online and you should read.
>Conan the Destroyer is a bit better
On what fricking planet is Conan the Destroyer better than Conan the Barbarian
This guy shit up a Men thread earlier. This movie lives rent free in his head.
>Cinemaphile is just one person
>implying Men threads are anything beyond shitflinging
Yeah, we all love Top Gun, capeshit, and Israel.
only the second is 80s schlock. the first movie is genuinly very good cinema
Darth Vader carries the movie
Yeah, so?
Try the Momoa version. It has Jason "Aquaman" Momoa in it.
Great characters, one of the best movie scores of all time, boobs, violence and friendship depicted, pretty pretty good.