>15th century highwayman
>serial killer
>body count of 544
>cannibal
>black magician
>thought to become invisible, a cat, a dog, or a goat at will
>kept severed hands & feet of infants in a leather pouch while out and about
>escaped imprisonment after torture
>caught again years later
>goes through 3 day epic torturefest including the breaking wheel, drenching him in boiling oil and finally dismemberment
I want my goddamn biopic, Cinemaphile. Hit me.
>>body count of 544
Ain't no way. They probably just attributed every death to him and made up some magic way he did it.
he used gas chambers
Makes you wonder how much of recorded history is actually bullshit.
>highwayman
>serial killer
>cannibal
>black magician
no wonder he was caught, attribute points spent all over the place
I wish Terry Gilliam was still worth a damn, he'd have made the frick outta this
> It is unknown whether he actually did kill 544 people, or whether this was just a confession under torture.
this guy sounds like a real jerk!
Agreed. Not very nice.
the worst part is he was hypocrite
probably never happened
made up like zodiac.
>goes through 3 day epic torturefest including the breaking wheel, drenching him in boiling oil and finally dismemberment
that's gotta hurt!
>torturer spins him around on the breaking wheel
>"round and round and round he goes, where he stops..."
>*hammers him in the crotch with a dinging sound*
>audience recoils and goes "ooooohhh..."
>one guy says "That's gonna hurt in the morning!"
more like
>Das wird morgen früh weh tun
>dog covers its eyes with its paws
>Close up on Peter's cross-eyed face
Torture of people who deserve it is my favorite genre
It could be a black comedy/horror.
cross it over with the tale of spring heel jack for some slapstick hijinks
weak
>reportedly murdered 964 individuals
>chained a woman up in his cave lair as a sex slave and maid
>knocked her up six times, murdered the newborns, made them into windchimes
>nine days on the wheel
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christman_Genipperteinga
Seems like everywhere had a Sawney Bean equivalent
>CHRISTman
>very fricked up and evil murderer
What did god mean by this
Man I wonder if we are ever going to torture people to death again.
Medieval problems call for medieval solutions.
We will. Together.
Here's your film, OP:
>Film starts with someone being tortured on a wheel, it is unclear who it is.
>Torturer: "looks like we won't break them this way, take off their clothes and I will baste them with this warm oil."
>The person on the wheel has their clothes ripped off and finally we get a good look at them, they are female, East Asian in appearance and extremely sexy with delectable little breasts, perfect nipples and a vag worth singing about. Obviously it's Awkwafina.
>The torturers baste the beautiful Chinese-Korean with warm oil, she is clearly enjoying it. She squirts cum as she orgasms from the oily slathering and the orgasm is so intense that she suddenly lactates despite not being pregnant.
>RECORD SCRATCH!
>"Yep, that's me 15th century highway woman Petra Niers. You're probably wondering what I'm doing here getting tortured and having a thunderingly intense orgasm. Well let's rewind the clock back 5 days..."
Kino.
You have no idea how hard I'd watch this shit
FRICK Balthazar Gerards
Literally me