Post your favorite Family Guy jokes

Post your favorite Family Guy jokes

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  1. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    the only good dialog ever written

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      what is the dialogue
      i stopped watching S01

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        "Ay Lois, this reminds me of that time I was in a pool with Abraham Lincoln"
        >cut to Peter in pool with Abraham Lincoln
        He's right, it probably is the funniest joke Family Guy has ever done.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Peter didn't like or even finish The Godfather and his reason being that it "insists upon itself"

  2. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    i do not like family guy.

  3. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >Post your favorite Family Guy jokes
    Family guy is both gay and shit.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Funnier than anything ever aired on Family Guy

  4. 9 months ago
    Anonymous
    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Remember when you called me Chris Gristle? BURN FOR IT

  5. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    There is no actual evidence that Thomas Jefferson ever fathered a child on Sally Mae or any other black woman enslaved or otherwise.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      He a good boi he dindu nuffin

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      >"According to an initial report on the findings of a 1998 DNA study which tested the Y-chromosome of direct male-line descendants of Eston Hemings, and other related tests, there is a high probability that Thomas Jefferson was the biological father of Eston Hemings, with a nearly perfect match between the DNA of Jefferson's paternal uncle and the descendants of Eston Hemings.[59]"
      Eston was one of Sally (Hemings') sons. Also, Eston, among his siblings, were all named after important people in Jefferson's ancestry. That doesn't prove anything necessarily but really makes you scratch the old noggin. The DNA proves it though.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        "59. Foster, Eugene A.; Jobling, M. A.; Taylor, P. G.; Donnelly, P.; de Knijff, P.; Mieremet, Rene; Zerjal, T.; Tyler-Smith, C. (November 1998). "Jefferson fathered slave's last child". Nature. 396 (6706): 27–28. Bibcode:1998Natur.396...27F. doi:10.1038/23835. PMID 9817200. S2CID 4424562."

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        What is the reason you all want it to be true so badly?
        Do you even know?
        Have you ever asked yourself?

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          Because its funny to make fun of whitey

          • 9 months ago
            Anonymous

            But how is it even making fun of Whitey?

          • 9 months ago
            Anonymous

            >haha White man fricked a ton of black women and made a bunch of bastards
            non-whites and self cuck jokes, name a better duo.

            • 9 months ago
              Anonymous

              >Rich guy who owns a lot of slaves slept with one of his slaves, then lied about it
              >Saying this means you're trying to "tear down his legacy"

              >fricked
              >slept
              Raped

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                Zero fricking evidence of that.
                Hail Hitler

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                It is a definite truth that a Jefferson slept with her, and Thomas Jefferson was the one with the most opportunity to do so. You can argue that it was his brother, which is possible, but there's no reason to specifically think it was.

                Hitler was an idiot who led his followers to ruin through his own hubris and stupidity.

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                >It is a definite truth that a Jefferson slept with her,

                No, you just repeating does not make anything true.
                Just frick off and die.

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                Then how did her descendants get Jefferson DNA?

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                She probably raped him if we are being honest

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                she begged for Tommy J's dick

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        It's at least as likely to be Peter Jefferson, Thomas' brother, was the father of Hemmings' child. It's just a better way to tear Thomas' legacy down if he raped Sally.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          >Rich guy who owns a lot of slaves slept with one of his slaves, then lied about it
          >Saying this means you're trying to "tear down his legacy"

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      They don't even care dude.
      If blacks insist it then it just has to be true.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Americans desperately want their precious "Founding Fathers" to be saints when they were really just a bunch of rich, entitled rapists.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Ahh so it is just about tearing down those you want to be tore down..

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        >make country from scratch
        vs
        >receive unlimited welfare
        hmm

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          the british made the country. you merely stole it

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        They were saints and Moscow and Berlin should have been nuked instead of Japan during WW2.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        >rich
        yes
        >entitled
        they built the nation
        >rapists
        wasn't even remotely close to rape back then

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      One of the Jeffersons fathered a child with Sally Hemmings, but it has never been conclusively proven to be Thomas. In fact, he repeatedly wrote against the practice of owners having sex with slaves, both privately to friends, and in his own diary.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Closest guess appears to be one of his uncles. The guy was known for fricking slaves and apparently even visited Jefferson's house around the time Sally would've gotten pregnant

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Note that Thomas specifically wrote about how he found black people ugly and did the classic comparison to apes.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          I suspect that is part of the reason they want it to be believed he banged the negress.

          "See baby dey do be likin us and sheet"

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Zero fricking evidence of that.
      Hail Hitler

      >It is a definite truth that a Jefferson slept with her,

      No, you just repeating does not make anything true.
      Just frick off and die.

      It takes a special kind of fragile to get this melodramatic over family guy jokes

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      It was probably Thomas brother considering the time frame
      Not that it matters. Banging slaves is based

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      There's conclusive genetic evidence.

      Americans desperately want their precious "Founding Fathers" to be saints when they were really just a bunch of rich, entitled rapists.

      John Adams was a good man.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        yDNA is not conclusive.
        It needs to be supported with other evidence.

  6. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Peter's voice is funny but there isn't a single funny joke

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      >Peter's voice is funny
      You're that one kid whos always trying to do South Park voices aren't you

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        No. South Park was actually funny though

  7. 9 months ago
    Anonymous
  8. 9 months ago
    Anonymous
  9. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    I'm Glen Quagmire.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      gum

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Pope

  10. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    The episode where Brian has his own cab and keeps unknowingly not picking up Cleveland is hilarious.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      When they did that naked dancing reference to The Wiz, I had no idea what was going on.

  11. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Family guy is funny to 14 year old boys and mentally undeveloped adults.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous
  12. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    im not takin my sneakers off i am sneakers otoole
    hey take off those sneakers
    no
    i didnt take my sneakers off im still sneakers otoole

  13. 9 months ago
    Anonymous
  14. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Couldn't he at least have found a slave that looked good?

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      looks good to me, my Black. I'm 6'5, 135 IQ btw :n)

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Good luck finding a slave that looked much better. Do you expect people that were underfed, had to do daily hard labor and no access to any type of skincare product to look like supermodels?

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        >that were underfed

        What are you basing that off of?

  15. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    This is why Family Guy posters can't have comfy threads like American Dad posters. The AD writers stopped dabbling in politics around season 2 and - unsurprisingly - that's when it got good. Family Guy has no shortage of episodes to spark a flame war with.

  16. 9 months ago
    Anonymous
  17. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Why do people think Sally was raped? She loved white dick.

  18. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >In 1787, when she was 14, Sally Hemings accompanied Jefferson's daughter, also named Martha, to Paris where they joined Thomas Jefferson. There Sally was a legally free and paid servant as slavery was not legal in France. At some time during her 26 months in Paris, the widower Jefferson began intimate relations with her.
    >As attested by her son, Madison Hemings, Sally later agreed with Jefferson that she would return to Virginia and resume her life in slavery, as long as all their children would be freed when they came of age
    So basically she was completely willing and was a smoking hot little teen loving superior white dick

  19. 9 months ago
    Anonymous
  20. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    The idea that a white man 300 years ago had to rape an Indian or black girl is such a fricking Cope.
    Every able bodied minority woman would have killed their own children just for a chance to jump onto of a white guy back then.

  21. 9 months ago
    Anonymous
  22. 9 months ago
    Anonymous
  23. 9 months ago
    Anonymous
  24. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    after reading this thread I love founding fathers now and I'm not even american

  25. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    For me it Brian acts like a dog jokes.

  26. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Someone post a list of newer episodes worth watching. Haven't watched anything in years.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      I like the one where they’re all on a cruise

  27. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    When Peter's so wasted he slurs his words for a cutaway gag and Stewie has no idea what the gag is.

  28. 9 months ago
    Anonymous
  29. 9 months ago
    Anonymous
  30. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    I don't really care if he was a slave banger or not. He's still the most based American president and taught us about macaroni and cheese after returning from a trip to Europe.

  31. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    He turned himself into a pickle, funniest shit I ever saw.

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